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1
00:00:04,706 --> 00:00:06,926
Ah, and that was I Feel Pretty,
2
00:00:07,013 --> 00:00:09,537
underrated Amy Schumer flick.
What did you guys think?
3
00:00:11,191 --> 00:00:12,888
Honestly, I don't know
why I even ask.
4
00:00:13,019 --> 00:00:14,542
Hey, Jay?
5
00:00:14,673 --> 00:00:16,414
Check out this cool
Halloween decoration I got.
6
00:00:19,591 --> 00:00:20,853
She hath made
the gourd speak!
7
00:00:20,983 --> 00:00:22,420
She is a witch!
8
00:00:22,594 --> 00:00:24,596
No, Patience, it's
motion activated.
9
00:00:24,726 --> 00:00:26,728
Battery--
Never mind.
10
00:00:26,815 --> 00:00:29,818
Wait, does Patience
not know about Halloween?
11
00:00:29,992 --> 00:00:32,952
Oh, she is going to lose
her Satan-hating mind.
12
00:00:33,126 --> 00:00:34,649
Halloween?
13
00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:36,956
It's a holiday:
there's candy, kids dress up.
14
00:00:37,043 --> 00:00:38,958
Women dress down.
It's like Purim, but hornier.
15
00:00:39,089 --> 00:00:41,221
We used to hate Halloween,
but then Sam moved in,
16
00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,441
started leading a seance every
year, where she brings back
17
00:00:43,615 --> 00:00:45,399
a different dead person
for us to hang out with.
18
00:00:46,835 --> 00:00:48,620
She summons the dead?
19
00:00:48,794 --> 00:00:51,362
I must take leave
from thine evil presence.
20
00:00:52,798 --> 00:00:54,495
Ooh, my bad.
21
00:00:54,626 --> 00:00:58,760
So Patience doesn't seem
like a huge fan of Halloween.
22
00:00:58,891 --> 00:01:00,414
Babe, I don't think we should do
Halloween this year.
23
00:01:00,545 --> 00:01:02,590
SAMANTHA and PETE: What?
24
00:01:02,677 --> 00:01:05,115
Three years ago,
our gazebo burned down.
25
00:01:05,245 --> 00:01:06,899
Two years ago, you almost died.
26
00:01:07,029 --> 00:01:09,075
Last year, a woman did die.
27
00:01:09,206 --> 00:01:10,598
Talk about a witch.
28
00:01:10,729 --> 00:01:11,904
Little ex-wife humor.
29
00:01:12,034 --> 00:01:14,080
And now we got
a Puritan ghost who spurts
30
00:01:14,211 --> 00:01:16,038
blood out of the walls
when she's angry.
31
00:01:16,126 --> 00:01:17,605
How do you think she's gonna
react to seeing a bunch
32
00:01:17,736 --> 00:01:19,738
of kids dressed up
like demons and zombies?
33
00:01:19,868 --> 00:01:21,609
But, Jay, I love Halloween.
34
00:01:21,696 --> 00:01:23,176
Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?
35
00:01:23,307 --> 00:01:25,222
I wanted to wear
my Atari shirt today.
36
00:01:25,309 --> 00:01:28,573
Do you know why I'm not wearing
my Atari shirt today, Sam?
37
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:30,488
'Cause the wall blood
wouldn't come out of it.
38
00:01:30,662 --> 00:01:33,360
- The man makes a fair point.
- Fine.
39
00:01:33,534 --> 00:01:35,754
I guess we'll just have the
most boring Halloween ever.
40
00:01:35,884 --> 00:01:37,277
Happy, Jay?
41
00:01:37,451 --> 00:01:38,974
I won't be happy
42
00:01:39,105 --> 00:01:41,368
until this Halloween has passed
and no one has died.
43
00:01:41,455 --> 00:01:43,153
Love a man who sets a low bar.
44
00:01:43,283 --> 00:01:44,589
That's my guy.
45
00:01:49,550 --> 00:01:50,856
This is outrageous!
46
00:01:51,030 --> 00:01:52,814
Someone stop
this maniac!
47
00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:54,729
He has plans to
sell my treasures.
48
00:01:54,903 --> 00:01:55,904
What's going on?
49
00:01:56,035 --> 00:01:57,167
Well, in
lieu of anything
50
00:01:57,297 --> 00:01:58,951
fun this year,
Jay and Samantha
51
00:01:59,081 --> 00:02:01,736
are planning
a Halloween yard sale.
52
00:02:01,823 --> 00:02:04,783
Oh, no, if they sell the yard,
where will we chase butterflies?
53
00:02:04,913 --> 00:02:07,829
Oh, yeah, this stuffed raven
should get at least five bucks.
54
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,092
Are you mad?!
55
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:12,138
We paid six in 1880!
56
00:02:12,269 --> 00:02:14,793
Do you have any idea what
that's worth in today's dollars?
57
00:02:14,923 --> 00:02:16,403
That is a genuine question.
58
00:02:16,534 --> 00:02:17,622
As a woman,
I wasn't allowed to study math.
59
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,014
Attention, everyone.
60
00:02:19,145 --> 00:02:21,669
Patience wishes
to address you all.
61
00:02:21,843 --> 00:02:24,281
You have the floor.
62
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:29,024
Evil walks among us.
63
00:02:29,155 --> 00:02:30,591
The one you call Samantha,
64
00:02:30,722 --> 00:02:33,507
who can summon the dead
and predict the weather.
65
00:02:33,681 --> 00:02:34,987
Well, the weather one
is literally
66
00:02:35,161 --> 00:02:35,857
just an app on her phone.
67
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,294
She must be held to account.
68
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:40,210
Hence, we will try her
as a witch.
69
00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:41,994
A witch trial.
70
00:02:42,124 --> 00:02:43,517
I mean, how Halloween is that?
71
00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:45,519
Isaac, why are you
encouraging this?
72
00:02:45,650 --> 00:02:48,305
'Cause as an acute observer
of the political winds,
73
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,568
I am trying stay
on her good side.
74
00:02:50,742 --> 00:02:52,091
Obviously, I don't believe
in all of this witch business,
75
00:02:52,222 --> 00:02:53,788
but she's powerful,
she's scary,
76
00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:55,921
and I for one
support her.
77
00:02:56,095 --> 00:02:57,444
What sayeth you all?
78
00:02:57,531 --> 00:02:59,011
Well, we literally have
nothing else to do
79
00:02:59,141 --> 00:03:00,360
since Sam and Jay canceled
Halloween.
80
00:03:00,534 --> 00:03:01,927
Seems like a
harmless enough diversion.
81
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,016
And I do love
judging people.
82
00:03:04,146 --> 00:03:06,627
Oh,
there's the accused now.
83
00:03:06,758 --> 00:03:09,935
Looking unusually feminine.
84
00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,589
Is that my old dress?
85
00:03:11,763 --> 00:03:14,331
Oh, is it? I found it when we
were clearing out the ballroom.
86
00:03:14,505 --> 00:03:16,246
It's kind of Halloween-y.
87
00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:18,813
Unless Jay says something
and then it's just a dress.
88
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,380
Samantha, some news:
89
00:03:20,511 --> 00:03:23,470
you are hereby on trial
for witchcraft.
90
00:03:23,644 --> 00:03:26,212
It was Patience's idea and I
for one think it's brilliant.
91
00:03:26,343 --> 00:03:28,083
How dost thou plead?
92
00:03:28,214 --> 00:03:29,563
Oh, Patience.
93
00:03:29,694 --> 00:03:31,565
Things have changed
in the past 400 years.
94
00:03:31,696 --> 00:03:33,132
Instead of turning
on each other,
95
00:03:33,263 --> 00:03:35,221
women should be
lifting each other up.
96
00:03:35,352 --> 00:03:37,571
She speaks
of levitation!
97
00:03:37,745 --> 00:03:38,703
She's a witch.
98
00:03:39,573 --> 00:03:41,488
I'm sorry, it's politics.
99
00:03:41,619 --> 00:03:43,011
Okay, my point is,
women don't need
100
00:03:43,142 --> 00:03:44,622
to tear each other
down anymore.
101
00:03:44,796 --> 00:03:47,277
We are no longer
second-class citizens.
102
00:03:47,407 --> 00:03:49,453
We can do anything
that men can do.
103
00:03:49,583 --> 00:03:51,237
Sam, you said you wanted
a couple guys
104
00:03:51,411 --> 00:03:52,978
to help lift the heavy stuff
for the yard sale?
105
00:03:53,979 --> 00:03:55,763
Yes, thank you, Mark.
106
00:03:55,850 --> 00:03:57,852
But just because
there's a lot of stuff.
107
00:03:58,026 --> 00:03:59,767
Not because I'm a woman.
108
00:03:59,854 --> 00:04:01,726
Okay.
109
00:04:03,336 --> 00:04:05,817
So does an afternoon trial
work for you?
110
00:04:05,991 --> 00:04:07,340
We're pretty open.
111
00:04:07,471 --> 00:04:08,602
Yeah, I'm not participating
in this.
112
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:10,387
Then ye shall be
tried in absentia.
113
00:04:10,561 --> 00:04:12,127
Cool, someone
114
00:04:12,258 --> 00:04:14,216
let me know
if I'm a witch.
115
00:04:15,305 --> 00:04:17,307
I'm going to go say goodbye
to the yard.
116
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:20,614
Hey, Jay?
117
00:04:20,745 --> 00:04:21,615
There's another one.
118
00:04:21,789 --> 00:04:22,964
Wow, there's so much stuff
119
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,488
in that creepy old ballroom.
120
00:04:24,618 --> 00:04:27,839
Where we hosted
presidents and royalty.
121
00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:31,277
And ate what we were told was
the last Chinese river dolphin.
122
00:04:31,408 --> 00:04:33,192
Turns out we were
wrong. Swindled.
123
00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:34,759
Some people have
no ethics.
124
00:04:36,238 --> 00:04:38,240
Flower,
what are you doing?
125
00:04:38,371 --> 00:04:40,895
Saying goodbye to individual
blades of grass.
126
00:04:41,069 --> 00:04:42,941
I'll miss you, Larry.
127
00:04:43,071 --> 00:04:44,029
Goodbye, Steve.
128
00:04:44,203 --> 00:04:45,247
Hi, babe.
129
00:04:45,378 --> 00:04:46,466
How's the yard
sale going?
130
00:04:46,597 --> 00:04:48,512
Whoa, whoa,
what is all this?
131
00:04:48,642 --> 00:04:49,904
Oh, uh, the rake?
132
00:04:50,035 --> 00:04:51,341
I just thought I'd
tidy up out here.
133
00:04:51,471 --> 00:04:53,691
No, no, I mean
the Bridgerton costume.
134
00:04:53,865 --> 00:04:55,910
Which, objectively, wow!
135
00:04:56,041 --> 00:04:57,608
But it's a costume!
136
00:04:57,738 --> 00:04:59,087
Okay, fine.
137
00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:00,741
So what?
I like Halloween.
138
00:05:00,915 --> 00:05:03,527
We're not having a party,
we're not bringing anyone
139
00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:04,876
back from the dead.
140
00:05:05,006 --> 00:05:06,660
Just let us know
if you need help.
141
00:05:06,791 --> 00:05:08,662
So just let me have this.
142
00:05:08,793 --> 00:05:11,317
How much is this
lizard bat thing?
143
00:05:11,448 --> 00:05:12,971
How did that
get out here?
144
00:05:13,101 --> 00:05:14,929
Uh, I'm so sorry.
145
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,888
That's actually
not for sale.
146
00:05:17,062 --> 00:05:18,672
And for the record,
it's called a quasit.
147
00:05:18,846 --> 00:05:20,848
Thank you
for clearing that up, Jay.
148
00:05:20,979 --> 00:05:23,024
Uh, but can I interest you
in, um, I don't know, like,
149
00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:24,069
a mummy-looking thing?
150
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,505
It's just right
over there.
151
00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:27,725
That's got to be fake, right?
152
00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:30,641
As far as the Egyptian
government is concerned.
153
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:33,208
Samantha, are you sure
you don't want
154
00:05:33,339 --> 00:05:34,862
to participate
in your witch trial?
155
00:05:34,993 --> 00:05:36,690
I mean, you're kind of the star.
156
00:05:36,821 --> 00:05:38,518
No, Isaac,
the whole thing's a joke.
157
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,041
- What's a joke?
- Patience accused me
158
00:05:40,128 --> 00:05:42,348
of being a witch, so now,
because we canceled Halloween
159
00:05:42,479 --> 00:05:43,958
and they have
nothing else to do,
160
00:05:44,089 --> 00:05:45,177
they're hosting a witch trial.
161
00:05:45,307 --> 00:05:46,483
What?
162
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:47,875
Why didn't you
tell me this?
163
00:05:47,962 --> 00:05:50,138
- This is bad.
- It's just dumb ghost stuff.
164
00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:51,836
So, what, they
decide I'm a witch?
165
00:05:51,923 --> 00:05:52,750
Then what?
166
00:05:52,924 --> 00:05:54,665
Babe, it's Patience.
167
00:05:54,752 --> 00:05:56,493
Okay? It's not another ghost
like Alberta,
168
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:58,320
with a lame humming power.
169
00:05:58,451 --> 00:05:59,757
Watch it.
Or Hetty,
170
00:05:59,887 --> 00:06:00,975
who doesn't even have a power.
171
00:06:01,106 --> 00:06:02,890
That we know of!
172
00:06:02,977 --> 00:06:05,110
Oh, he is roasting you two.
173
00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:07,199
Okay, Founding Farter.
174
00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:08,330
My point is,
175
00:06:08,461 --> 00:06:10,289
Patience is not
to be trifled with.
176
00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:11,986
And I'll just leave you
with this.
177
00:06:12,117 --> 00:06:13,292
Historically, witch trials?
178
00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:14,424
They don't end well
for the witches.
179
00:06:14,511 --> 00:06:15,947
Hmm.
180
00:06:16,077 --> 00:06:17,557
You should really refer
to her as "the accused."
181
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,386
I mean, it's not looking good,
but still.
182
00:06:21,779 --> 00:06:23,302
No!
183
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:24,651
You stepped on Derrick!
184
00:06:24,825 --> 00:06:26,392
Murderer!
185
00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:27,524
Oh, Mrs. Farnsby, hi.
186
00:06:27,698 --> 00:06:29,395
Hey, Sam, could
you tell me more
187
00:06:29,526 --> 00:06:31,745
about this beautiful antique
table you've got over here?
188
00:06:31,876 --> 00:06:33,660
Do you think it could support
two or more adults?
189
00:06:33,747 --> 00:06:36,620
Ooh, those swingers are
gonna do it on that table.
190
00:06:36,707 --> 00:06:38,317
Ha!
191
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:40,754
And lastly,
what about her ability
192
00:06:40,885 --> 00:06:42,713
to speaketh to all of ye?
193
00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:44,541
She walketh amongst the living,
194
00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:46,586
yet speaketh to the dead?
195
00:06:46,717 --> 00:06:47,631
She's making some good points.
196
00:06:47,761 --> 00:06:49,763
And, also, the toast thing,
197
00:06:49,894 --> 00:06:52,766
where she warmeth the bread
with the devil's tongue?
198
00:06:52,897 --> 00:06:55,421
Although some arguments
are stronger than others.
199
00:06:55,552 --> 00:06:57,641
Okay, first of all, that was
a great closing statement.
200
00:06:57,771 --> 00:06:59,207
I began the day
a skeptic,
201
00:06:59,381 --> 00:07:01,122
but after that
eloquent summary,
202
00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,950
I'm voting witch.
203
00:07:03,081 --> 00:07:05,170
- What say the rest of ye?
- Obviously,
204
00:07:05,344 --> 00:07:06,388
Sam is not a witch.
205
00:07:06,519 --> 00:07:08,086
- Not guilty.
- Well,
206
00:07:08,216 --> 00:07:09,566
she did cancel
Halloween
207
00:07:09,653 --> 00:07:10,784
and didn't bring
back the hot maid.
208
00:07:10,958 --> 00:07:12,307
So I'm gonna
go witch.
209
00:07:12,438 --> 00:07:13,831
She's selling
my penguin leashes.
210
00:07:14,005 --> 00:07:15,049
She's a witch.
211
00:07:15,223 --> 00:07:16,137
I just don't think
212
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,183
Sam killed
that vagrant.
213
00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:19,401
The issue is whether
or not Sam is a witch.
214
00:07:19,576 --> 00:07:20,620
Oh!
215
00:07:20,794 --> 00:07:23,144
Well, then, yeah,
she's probably a witch.
216
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:24,842
Oh, this is crazy, that woman
buys my Momoa magazines.
217
00:07:24,929 --> 00:07:26,147
Not guilty.
218
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:27,801
Fun fact.
219
00:07:27,932 --> 00:07:30,064
Vikings believed in witches,
we called them "volva."
220
00:07:30,195 --> 00:07:31,544
Who is that fun for?
221
00:07:31,631 --> 00:07:33,764
Guess not people who
wear small ugly hats.
222
00:07:33,894 --> 00:07:36,375
- We need an answer.
- Fine.
223
00:07:36,506 --> 00:07:39,552
Sam volva,
Sam... volva.
224
00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:41,815
There we have it.
The group has spoken.
225
00:07:41,946 --> 00:07:44,470
Sam is a witch,
and, Patience, once again,
226
00:07:44,601 --> 00:07:46,777
thank you
for a delightful diversion,
227
00:07:46,864 --> 00:07:48,300
This was fun.
228
00:07:48,430 --> 00:07:51,172
She hath been convicted,
now for the punishment.
229
00:07:51,259 --> 00:07:53,392
Oh, okay.
230
00:07:53,523 --> 00:07:55,089
- There's a part two.
- For the crime
231
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:58,615
of witchcraft,
Samantha is hereby sentenced...
232
00:07:58,789 --> 00:08:00,442
to petrification.
233
00:08:00,573 --> 00:08:03,054
She shall be turned to stone.
234
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:05,230
Well, I guess Jay
better get used
235
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,232
to some stiff conversations.
236
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:10,844
Why dost thou chortle
- at Patience?
- Oh, sorry.
237
00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:12,585
Sorry,
we shouldn't have laughed.
238
00:08:12,716 --> 00:08:14,587
Also, we shouldn't have
taken Sam for granite.
239
00:08:16,154 --> 00:08:17,851
- Hey-oh!
- Laugh.
240
00:08:17,982 --> 00:08:19,244
But ye will see.
241
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,507
Her flesh and bone will harden
242
00:08:21,638 --> 00:08:24,075
with the swift judgement
from above.
243
00:08:24,205 --> 00:08:25,772
- Isn't bone already hard?
- Silence!
244
00:08:25,903 --> 00:08:27,774
I am so sorry about them.
245
00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:30,821
Bone is soft
if you say it is.
246
00:08:31,865 --> 00:08:34,346
Sam? Sam?
247
00:08:34,476 --> 00:08:35,826
Where-- Hey, Mark.
248
00:08:35,913 --> 00:08:37,175
Have you seen Sam?
249
00:08:37,305 --> 00:08:38,568
She was just here.
250
00:08:38,742 --> 00:08:39,569
Hey, how much for
this dragon trophy?
251
00:08:39,699 --> 00:08:41,658
How did that--
That's not for sale.
252
00:08:44,095 --> 00:08:45,531
Uh, guys?
253
00:08:45,662 --> 00:08:48,055
Does that statue
look like Sam to you?
254
00:08:48,186 --> 00:08:49,317
That's funny.
255
00:08:49,448 --> 00:08:50,275
I guess
it kind of does.
256
00:08:50,449 --> 00:08:52,059
Wait.
257
00:08:52,190 --> 00:08:53,452
The dress.
258
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:54,758
The Bridgerton hair.
259
00:08:54,888 --> 00:08:56,586
That's the rake
she was holding.
260
00:08:58,457 --> 00:08:59,676
Oh, my God.
261
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,679
Patience turned Sam into stone.
262
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,463
What the hell
is a penguin leash?
263
00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:06,813
Hey, Jay,
is this made for penguins
264
00:09:06,944 --> 00:09:07,945
or made out of penguins?
265
00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:10,556
Both. Now put that down.
266
00:09:14,908 --> 00:09:16,823
Are you sure you've never
seen this statue before?
267
00:09:16,954 --> 00:09:20,261
I have never seen this thing
in my life or since.
268
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,002
Okay, we just got
to talk to Patience.
269
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,700
Maybe she can undo it.
270
00:09:26,703 --> 00:09:29,401
If you can hear me, Sam...
271
00:09:29,488 --> 00:09:31,621
I voted not guilty.
272
00:09:34,928 --> 00:09:36,234
Patience, this is insane.
273
00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:37,931
You have to turn Sam back.
274
00:09:38,062 --> 00:09:41,021
Patience more powerful
than Thor ever imagine.
275
00:09:41,108 --> 00:09:43,676
Man, have I hitched
my wagon to the right pony.
276
00:09:43,807 --> 00:09:45,591
Of course I will miss
Flesh Samantha,
277
00:09:45,722 --> 00:09:47,462
as she will heretofore
be known.
278
00:09:47,593 --> 00:09:48,681
Come on, Patience!
279
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,204
- Is there a way to fix Sam?
- There is.
280
00:09:50,291 --> 00:09:52,250
But she was convicted.
This is your doing.
281
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,121
Well, we didn't know
it was real.
282
00:09:54,252 --> 00:09:55,949
We thought it was a joke,
like where does the general hide
283
00:09:56,123 --> 00:09:58,169
his armies? In his sleevies!
That kind of thing!
284
00:09:58,256 --> 00:10:01,172
Who's chortling now?
285
00:10:02,173 --> 00:10:04,697
Not me,
for laughter is forbidden.
286
00:10:06,525 --> 00:10:07,613
Mm...
287
00:10:09,571 --> 00:10:10,703
Uh, guys.
288
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:12,009
Jay is selling Sam.
289
00:10:12,096 --> 00:10:13,837
What?
That not good.
290
00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:15,621
Trevor, you text Jay
from the iPad.
291
00:10:15,708 --> 00:10:18,450
We'll go outside and
yell at Jay impotently.
292
00:10:18,624 --> 00:10:19,581
- Yeah.
- Oh.
293
00:10:19,669 --> 00:10:22,193
I'll give you six bucks for it.
294
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,150
Ugh.
295
00:10:23,281 --> 00:10:24,848
I don't know, man.
296
00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:26,458
Okay, Jay may not know
that's the love of his life,
297
00:10:26,545 --> 00:10:27,894
but he must know that stone's
worth way more than...
298
00:10:28,068 --> 00:10:29,287
- Seven bucks.
- Sold.
299
00:10:29,417 --> 00:10:30,680
Oh, come on!
Oh...
300
00:10:30,854 --> 00:10:32,246
Someone do something.
301
00:10:32,377 --> 00:10:35,902
Perhaps finally, in this
most urgent moment of need,
302
00:10:35,989 --> 00:10:38,775
my heretofore dormant
ghost power will emerge.
303
00:10:44,432 --> 00:10:45,433
You still got nothing.
304
00:10:45,607 --> 00:10:47,392
Like your humming thing's
so cool.
305
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,133
Goodbye, Samantha.
306
00:10:49,307 --> 00:10:50,482
Enjoy new home.
Oh!
307
00:10:50,656 --> 00:10:52,049
Get in there.
308
00:10:52,136 --> 00:10:53,920
This is insane!
Sam, we're trying to help!
309
00:10:54,094 --> 00:10:56,096
No! That's her head.
310
00:10:56,270 --> 00:10:57,750
- I'll see you.
- Oh!
311
00:10:57,881 --> 00:11:00,057
What the...?
312
00:11:00,187 --> 00:11:01,145
Trevor.
Oh.
313
00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:02,842
"The statue is Sam."
314
00:11:02,973 --> 00:11:04,278
What does that even mean?
315
00:11:04,409 --> 00:11:06,150
Oh, come on.
316
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,152
I'll give chase.
317
00:11:08,239 --> 00:11:10,937
'Cause I can leave
the property.
Not now, Peter!
318
00:11:11,024 --> 00:11:13,592
"Patience turn to stone"
with a witch emoji?
319
00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:14,854
Ooh, nice touch.
320
00:11:14,985 --> 00:11:16,116
Oh, my God!
321
00:11:16,247 --> 00:11:17,465
I sold my wife!
322
00:11:17,596 --> 00:11:18,902
Yes!
Get him!
Go!
323
00:11:21,861 --> 00:11:23,471
My eyes!
324
00:11:23,602 --> 00:11:25,299
The devil box
is alight.
325
00:11:25,386 --> 00:11:27,693
Yes, yes. Sometimes,
they leave it on for us.
326
00:11:27,824 --> 00:11:29,782
I don't usuallypartake.
327
00:11:29,913 --> 00:11:31,392
Oh, but this is
a good episode.
328
00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:32,742
Kaylee L. confronts Veronica
329
00:11:32,916 --> 00:11:35,179
for blowing up
her co-listing in Laguna.
330
00:11:35,309 --> 00:11:38,269
Well, we must depart forthwith,
lest we be corrupted.
331
00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:39,836
Absolutely.
332
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,751
Or we stay here
333
00:11:41,925 --> 00:11:43,840
and bear witness
to the sin,
334
00:11:43,927 --> 00:11:45,493
so that we may...
335
00:11:45,624 --> 00:11:47,321
warn others
and stuff.
336
00:11:48,148 --> 00:11:49,323
Hmm...
337
00:11:50,890 --> 00:11:53,980
And is she Kaylee L.?
338
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,418
Yes, and keep an eye
on her mojito
339
00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:58,855
because--
little hint--
340
00:11:58,942 --> 00:12:00,770
Veronica will soon
be wearing it.
341
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,597
Oh, and that's not all.
342
00:12:02,728 --> 00:12:05,122
You will not believe who shows
up to the twilight open house.
343
00:12:05,252 --> 00:12:07,733
Is it the devil?[gasps] Kind of.
344
00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:09,691
It's Kaylee's ex, Fletcher.
345
00:12:09,822 --> 00:12:10,954
Oh.
346
00:12:16,655 --> 00:12:19,005
- To bear witness.
- To bear witness.
347
00:12:19,963 --> 00:12:22,269
So this man bought
your statue and...
348
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,184
I'm sorry, what do you
want us to do?
349
00:12:24,271 --> 00:12:26,404
I just need to get it back,
and I need his home address.
350
00:12:26,534 --> 00:12:28,319
Now, I know you guys
run plates,
351
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:29,973
I watch TV.
352
00:12:30,103 --> 00:12:33,193
Right... but we only do that
when there's a crime.
353
00:12:33,324 --> 00:12:34,673
'Cause we're
the police.
354
00:12:34,804 --> 00:12:36,327
Okay, Jay's
getting nowhere.
355
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:38,677
- Oh!
- Pete, what happened?
356
00:12:38,851 --> 00:12:40,026
He got on the highway,
and I lost him.
357
00:12:40,157 --> 00:12:41,549
Oh.
Oh.
I don't know
if it's helpful,
358
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,203
but there was a bumper sticker.
359
00:12:43,334 --> 00:12:46,032
It said,
"Captain Kaboom period com."
360
00:12:46,163 --> 00:12:48,382
Wait, Captain Kaboom dot com?
361
00:12:48,513 --> 00:12:49,949
What does
that mean?
362
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,429
It's a website,
it's the internet.
363
00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:52,865
That's
the internet?
364
00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:54,693
What's the thing
with the cat videos?
365
00:12:54,824 --> 00:12:56,869
Everyone just
hang on. Watch.
366
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:02,483
This feels like
a stalker situation.
367
00:13:02,614 --> 00:13:04,050
Sir, be honest.
368
00:13:04,181 --> 00:13:06,052
Did this individual
break your heart?
369
00:13:06,183 --> 00:13:08,402
What? No.
I just want my statue back.
370
00:13:08,576 --> 00:13:10,752
What is this?
371
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,190
Ahoy. I'm Captain Kaboom.
372
00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:15,018
Welcome to Kaboom World.
373
00:13:15,192 --> 00:13:16,846
Today, we're gonna see
what happens
374
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:19,849
when you put an M-80
inside an old microwave.
375
00:13:21,198 --> 00:13:22,721
Surely, he knows
what will happen.
376
00:13:24,592 --> 00:13:26,290
- Kaboom.
- [laughs] Was amazing!
377
00:13:26,464 --> 00:13:28,901
Ugh, back in my day, there was
a guy who used to blow stuff up.
378
00:13:29,032 --> 00:13:30,685
His name was LBJ.
379
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:33,210
But then we got high, and saw
a bunch of bands play on a farm,
380
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,820
and I think that helped.
381
00:13:34,951 --> 00:13:37,867
Oh, no. I think I know why
this man bought that statue.
382
00:13:38,041 --> 00:13:40,521
Oh, my God.
383
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,393
He's gonna blow up Sam.
384
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,307
Samantha.
385
00:13:45,135 --> 00:13:47,702
Click on
- bowling ball video.
- Thor.
386
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:54,361
Okay, fine, what if I were
to say that the statue
387
00:13:54,448 --> 00:13:55,493
is really a person,
388
00:13:55,623 --> 00:13:57,147
and that person
389
00:13:57,277 --> 00:13:58,496
is my wife?
390
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,150
Well, in that case,
391
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,847
we'd probably contact
mental health services.
392
00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:04,937
Okay, so then
I'm not saying that.
393
00:14:05,068 --> 00:14:06,417
Good day, sir.
394
00:14:09,072 --> 00:14:10,247
What?
395
00:14:10,421 --> 00:14:12,031
Ooh, now he just has
to click on the link.
396
00:14:12,205 --> 00:14:13,859
A text
from my iPad?
397
00:14:15,339 --> 00:14:17,297
Trevor, did you send me this?
I don't have time
398
00:14:17,428 --> 00:14:19,169
to watch a vid...
399
00:14:19,256 --> 00:14:21,301
Wait. That's the guy
I sold the statue to.
400
00:14:21,432 --> 00:14:23,042
Yeah.
Watch watermelon one.
401
00:14:23,216 --> 00:14:24,609
So good.
Shh.
402
00:14:24,783 --> 00:14:26,045
Hey, there, Kaboom Fam.
403
00:14:26,176 --> 00:14:27,699
Got something really special
in today.
404
00:14:27,829 --> 00:14:29,657
You've been asking
for limestone,
405
00:14:29,831 --> 00:14:32,269
I'm giving you limestone.
406
00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:34,184
Ah! That's the Sam statue.
407
00:14:34,314 --> 00:14:35,620
- Yes!
- Yes!
408
00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:38,275
At 1700 hours today,
this thing's going...
409
00:14:38,405 --> 00:14:39,929
kaboom.
410
00:14:40,059 --> 00:14:41,582
Don't forget to like
and subscribe.
411
00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:43,062
I know that house.
412
00:14:43,193 --> 00:14:44,498
How do I know that house?
413
00:14:44,629 --> 00:14:45,847
He's doing
the finger-pinch thing.
414
00:14:45,978 --> 00:14:47,980
He's doing
the finger-pinch thing.
415
00:14:48,111 --> 00:14:49,895
That's to zoom in.
Dot com.
Wait.
416
00:14:50,069 --> 00:14:51,375
Is that a Sonic sign?
417
00:14:51,505 --> 00:14:52,985
Ooh!
Ooh, it's ironic.
418
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,031
Samantha's always saying
that Sonic is gonna kill Jay,
419
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,207
but it may just be
the thing that saves her.
420
00:14:57,381 --> 00:15:00,993
Ironic Sonic. I think that was
a band that I dated back in '67.
421
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,213
I know where this is.
Pete, let's ride.
422
00:15:04,518 --> 00:15:06,042
Because I can.
423
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,304
Shut up, Pete.
Go!
424
00:15:07,434 --> 00:15:08,218
And go save our girl!
425
00:15:08,348 --> 00:15:09,697
Okay!
426
00:15:11,743 --> 00:15:14,528
So you want the statue back?
427
00:15:14,702 --> 00:15:15,877
Yeah, I wasn't
supposed to sell it.
428
00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:18,532
It got put out
by accident, and...
429
00:15:18,663 --> 00:15:20,578
my wife is really
attached to it.
430
00:15:20,665 --> 00:15:21,927
Sorry, man.
431
00:15:22,058 --> 00:15:24,234
I got big plans for that thing.
432
00:15:24,364 --> 00:15:26,714
Pete Martino.
Non-geographically bound ghost.
433
00:15:26,845 --> 00:15:28,673
Sergeant John Duffy.
Retired.
434
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:29,891
Served two tours in 'nam.
435
00:15:30,022 --> 00:15:32,633
Moved upstate
for some peace and quiet.
436
00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:36,333
40 years later, I'm dead,
and this little maniac moves in.
437
00:15:36,463 --> 00:15:38,683
Come on, man. Give me a number.
438
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:39,945
How much do you want for it?
439
00:15:40,119 --> 00:15:41,294
It's not
about the money.
440
00:15:41,425 --> 00:15:43,601
It's about the boom, bro.
441
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:45,211
Got to give the people
what they want.
442
00:15:45,342 --> 00:15:47,518
It's just-- This statue
means a lot to me.
443
00:15:47,648 --> 00:15:49,085
I really need it back.
444
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,304
- His wife is the statue.
- Damn straight.
445
00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:53,698
I fought for this man's right
to marry a statue.
446
00:15:53,872 --> 00:15:55,352
I'll tell you what,
447
00:15:55,526 --> 00:15:57,615
you give me
that weird monster thing
448
00:15:57,789 --> 00:15:58,920
I was looking at
earlier,
449
00:15:59,051 --> 00:16:01,401
and I'll give you
your statue back.
450
00:16:01,532 --> 00:16:03,273
The quasit?
451
00:16:03,403 --> 00:16:04,709
Jay, are we really driving
a hard bargain here?
452
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:07,190
Fine. Deal. But can I take
the statue now?
453
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,930
I promise I'll come back
with the quasit.
454
00:16:09,105 --> 00:16:11,150
Sure, man. I trust you.
455
00:16:11,324 --> 00:16:12,847
Plus, I know
where you live,
456
00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:15,328
and I have a lot of dynamite.
457
00:16:18,592 --> 00:16:19,898
Guys!
458
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:21,378
We're back.
459
00:16:21,508 --> 00:16:22,857
We got the Sam statue.
460
00:16:22,988 --> 00:16:24,076
Ghosts, if you're here,
461
00:16:24,207 --> 00:16:25,773
get the Puritan
462
00:16:25,947 --> 00:16:27,558
to undo
the stone thing.
463
00:16:27,645 --> 00:16:29,821
And please hurry. This morning,
I was yelling at her
464
00:16:29,951 --> 00:16:31,388
about wearing
a Halloween costume.
465
00:16:31,518 --> 00:16:34,043
I don't want that to be
the last conversation we had.
466
00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:36,306
Patience,
you turn Stone Sam back
467
00:16:36,393 --> 00:16:38,525
into regular Sam
right now, or else.
468
00:16:38,612 --> 00:16:40,136
'Twas not me
who made her thus.
469
00:16:40,223 --> 00:16:42,268
All of ye
convicted her.
470
00:16:42,399 --> 00:16:43,922
Patience, I am going
to say something to you
471
00:16:44,053 --> 00:16:46,185
that I have only ever told
two other people in my life,
472
00:16:46,359 --> 00:16:49,493
both of whom I wished
to procure me cocaine:
473
00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:50,798
please.
474
00:16:50,929 --> 00:16:52,409
The Lord's judgement
is final.
475
00:16:52,539 --> 00:16:54,237
Once one strayeth
from the path
476
00:16:54,411 --> 00:16:56,021
of piety,
one is lost.
477
00:16:57,631 --> 00:16:59,938
It's so interesting
you say that, Patience,
478
00:17:00,069 --> 00:17:02,027
because, earlier,
I believe
479
00:17:02,114 --> 00:17:04,029
you did a bit of
path-straying yourself.
480
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,423
I know not
of what you speak.
481
00:17:06,597 --> 00:17:09,861
Oh, you don't want me
to speak of Laguna.
482
00:17:09,991 --> 00:17:11,428
I was bearing witness.
483
00:17:11,602 --> 00:17:13,038
You said you would never tell.
484
00:17:13,212 --> 00:17:14,213
What's going on here?
485
00:17:14,344 --> 00:17:15,649
I will tell them
everything,
486
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:16,998
including how
you moved your body
487
00:17:17,173 --> 00:17:19,392
to that diabetes
medicine commercial.
488
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,267
Fine.
489
00:17:24,397 --> 00:17:26,312
So you'll
turn her back?
490
00:17:26,443 --> 00:17:28,836
The power rests not with me.
It rests with ye.
491
00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:29,837
If you wish
to reverse
492
00:17:30,011 --> 00:17:32,231
the sentence,
simply vote again,
493
00:17:32,362 --> 00:17:33,580
and find Samantha
innocent.
494
00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:36,192
Oh, yay!
495
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:38,150
It's gonna be okay, man.
496
00:17:38,281 --> 00:17:39,891
Flower, no!
497
00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:42,372
Whoa...
498
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:44,374
Oh, he's high.
499
00:17:46,419 --> 00:17:47,812
No!
500
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,248
Ah!
501
00:17:49,814 --> 00:17:53,034
Sam! Sam!
502
00:17:53,209 --> 00:17:54,732
What?
503
00:17:54,862 --> 00:17:56,212
What are you guys doing?
504
00:17:56,299 --> 00:17:58,649
Oh, my God, you're okay.
505
00:17:58,779 --> 00:17:59,780
We thought
you were stone,
506
00:17:59,867 --> 00:18:01,173
and then
Jay sold you.
507
00:18:01,304 --> 00:18:02,435
And
then the Kaboom man
508
00:18:02,566 --> 00:18:04,089
was gonna
blow you up.
509
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:06,918
There really cool watermelon
video you need to see.
510
00:18:07,048 --> 00:18:09,877
- Of course I'm okay.
- But what happened?
Where have you been?
511
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:11,575
I sold Mrs. Farnsby a desk,
512
00:18:11,705 --> 00:18:14,143
and I was helping her
take it over to their place.
513
00:18:14,317 --> 00:18:15,927
At first,
she wanted it in the study
514
00:18:16,057 --> 00:18:17,494
and then in
the living room and...
515
00:18:17,624 --> 00:18:19,017
then she made me
put it in a room
516
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:20,105
that I don't want to talk about.
517
00:18:20,279 --> 00:18:22,063
But the statue was
holding the rake.
518
00:18:22,238 --> 00:18:23,848
What? No. I just
519
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:25,937
leaned the rake against
the statue before I left.
520
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,331
We thought Patience
turned you to stone
521
00:18:28,461 --> 00:18:30,202
after the ghosts convicted you
at the witch trial.
522
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,161
You guys convicted me?
523
00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:34,075
Well, we were mad
about Halloween.
524
00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:36,469
I urged you to testify
on your behalf.
525
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,428
I told them you
didn't kill that vagrant.
526
00:18:38,558 --> 00:18:40,604
Wait, well, where did
the statue come from?
527
00:18:40,734 --> 00:18:42,736
Hetty said she
didn't recognize it.
528
00:18:42,867 --> 00:18:44,434
It was in a crate
in the ballroom.
529
00:18:44,564 --> 00:18:48,089
Ah. I guess that is possible.
We were so rich.
530
00:18:48,177 --> 00:18:49,700
Sometimes, we would just
buy things at auction
531
00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:51,832
'cause we liked waving
the little paddle.
532
00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:54,661
Well, Patience, I guess your
spell didn't work after all.
533
00:18:54,748 --> 00:18:56,707
No matter.
I've still got the blood thing.
534
00:18:56,837 --> 00:18:58,099
Why don't you go hum about it?
535
00:18:59,492 --> 00:19:02,452
- That was devastating insult.
- All right.
536
00:19:02,582 --> 00:19:05,063
Everyone just needs to back off.
It's a good power.
537
00:19:05,194 --> 00:19:07,761
- I think it's a neat power.
- I swear to God, Pete.
538
00:19:13,463 --> 00:19:15,073
Aw, so you traded
your weird monster statue
539
00:19:15,204 --> 00:19:16,640
so this guy
wouldn't blow me up?
540
00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,816
- Of course I did.
- And he did not hesitate.
541
00:19:18,946 --> 00:19:20,470
He agreed to it like that.
542
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,123
And we definitely didn't stop
at Sonic on the way home.
543
00:19:22,298 --> 00:19:23,777
- Too much detail, Pete.
- Sam,
544
00:19:23,908 --> 00:19:26,084
I thought
I lost you,
545
00:19:26,171 --> 00:19:28,956
and it was the worst
feeling in the world.
546
00:19:29,087 --> 00:19:30,697
I'm so sorry
that I yelled at you
547
00:19:30,828 --> 00:19:32,308
for wanting to
celebrate Halloween.
548
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,440
I love that you're excited
about that stuff,
549
00:19:34,527 --> 00:19:37,269
and I love that you
decorate our mantel
550
00:19:37,356 --> 00:19:39,271
for different seasons
and holidays.
551
00:19:39,402 --> 00:19:41,839
It's like we live in a
Starbucks. In a good way.
552
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,449
Aw, Jay.
553
00:19:44,885 --> 00:19:45,930
Is touching.
554
00:19:46,104 --> 00:19:48,324
Small Man sure to reap
many benefits,
555
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,630
sexually,
from those kind words.
556
00:19:50,761 --> 00:19:51,979
Everyone,
557
00:19:52,153 --> 00:19:54,025
Patience hath arrived
at a decision.
558
00:19:54,155 --> 00:19:55,896
After much praying,
559
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,768
it has become clear that
560
00:19:57,898 --> 00:19:59,248
I need to return to the dirt.
561
00:20:01,293 --> 00:20:02,903
Girl, what?
No.
Oh, no. Why?
562
00:20:03,034 --> 00:20:04,731
You just got here.
563
00:20:04,905 --> 00:20:06,733
Patience is returning
to the dirt.
564
00:20:06,864 --> 00:20:07,647
Hell yeah!
565
00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:09,301
I don't care.
566
00:20:09,432 --> 00:20:11,216
She tried to turn
you into stone,
567
00:20:11,347 --> 00:20:13,566
and she cost me
my quasit.
568
00:20:13,697 --> 00:20:15,742
I was tested, and I failed.
569
00:20:15,873 --> 00:20:18,919
The aboveground world
has far too much temptation.
570
00:20:19,964 --> 00:20:21,966
'Tis not a place for the pious.
571
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,185
Well, as I said,
women should support women,
572
00:20:24,316 --> 00:20:26,449
so I fully support
your decision to leave
573
00:20:26,536 --> 00:20:28,538
and possibly
never come back.
574
00:20:28,668 --> 00:20:30,191
It was
good to know you.
575
00:20:30,322 --> 00:20:32,716
Now, I must return
to the others.
576
00:20:33,673 --> 00:20:36,502
I'm sorry,
did she say "others"?
577
00:20:36,589 --> 00:20:37,982
That not good.
578
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:39,331
Oh, I don't like that at all.
579
00:20:45,206 --> 00:20:47,948
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
580
00:20:48,079 --> 00:20:51,038
and TOYOTA.
581
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,433
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
41161
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