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1
00:00:03,430 --> 00:00:04,230
(announcer) IN THE TELEVISION COMEDY WORLD,
2
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,870
THE PEOPLE ARE ENTERTAINED
3
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:07,670
BY 2 SEPARATE YET EQUALLY IMPORTANT TYPES OF SHOWS.
4
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:10,540
TRADITIONAL SITCOMS THAT GET LAUGHS OUT OF EVERYDAY SITUATIONS
5
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:12,440
LIKE TRYING TO FIX YOUR OWN PLUMBING,
6
00:00:12,510 --> 00:00:14,410
OR INVITING 2 DATES TO THE SAME DANCE.
7
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,940
AND ANIMATED SHOWS THAT MAKE JOKES ABOUT FARTING.
8
00:00:17,010 --> 00:00:18,480
THIS IS THE LATTER.
9
00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:22,580
OH, SORRY.
I JUST FARTED.
10
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,860
[inaudible]
11
00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:38,700
[Glenn mumbling]
12
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,970
I'M GLAD YOU GUYS
COULD COME TONIGHT.
13
00:00:57,050 --> 00:01:00,190
OH, CHRIS, HONEY,
WE WOULDN'T MISS
YOUR OPEN HOUSE.
14
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:03,140
YOU KIDS ARE
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN OUR LIVES.
15
00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:04,670
OH, MY GOD!
WE FORGOT MEG.
16
00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:05,860
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MEG.
17
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:08,410
SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING
SHE NEEDS IN HER ROOM.
18
00:01:16,270 --> 00:01:18,140
[clattering]
19
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,180
(coach)
MOST OF THE TIME, THE KIDS'LL
EXERCISE OUT IN THE FIELD.
20
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,400
BUT IF IT'S RAINING
OR I'M HUNG-OVER,
21
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,150
THEY STAY INSIDE
AND PLAY DODGE BALL.
22
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,650
OH, I LOVE DODGE BALL!
HEADS UP!
23
00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:34,020
AND THIS WEEK IN HOME EC,
WE'RE TEACHING YOUR KIDS
24
00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:35,270
HOW TO MAKE BUNDT CAKE.
25
00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:37,590
I LOVE BUNDT CAKE!
HEADS UP!
26
00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:42,360
(music teacher)
THE SCHOOL BAND OFFERS
A WIDE VARIETY OF INSTRUMENTS
27
00:01:42,430 --> 00:01:44,030
FROM THE KETTLEDRUM
TO THE TROMBONE.
28
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:46,070
I LOVE THE TROMBONE!
29
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,150
[gasps]
30
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:00,350
(all)
WOW!
31
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,130
I KNOW,
ISN'T HE WONDERFUL?
32
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,700
HE TOOK LESSONS
IN JUNIOR COLLEGE.
33
00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:04,870
HEADS UP!
34
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,460
I LIKE MEETING
CHRIS'S TEACHERS.
35
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:10,890
THIS OUGHT TO BE
MORE INTERESTING
36
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,830
THAN THAT TIME I MET
TED DANSON.
37
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:15,700
WOW! TED DANSON
AND MARY STEENBURGEN!
38
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,710
HEY, ALWAYS NICE
TO MEET A FAN.
39
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:18,920
[thunder rumbling]
40
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:20,920
OH, SHOOT!
I FORGOT MY UMBRELLA.
41
00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:22,690
THAT'S OK, HONEY.
COME ON OVER HERE.
42
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:23,790
THANKS, DEAR.
43
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,490
SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD
TO BE A FREAK.
44
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,390
HEY, DO YOU WANT TO
SLEEP TOGETHER LATER?
45
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:29,460
OH, NO.
46
00:02:29,530 --> 00:02:32,460
NO, NO.
THANKS, THOUGH.
47
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:34,380
GOOD EVENING, PARENTS.
I'M MS. CLIFTON.
48
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:35,980
I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO FILL OUT
49
00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:37,430
THESE
CONTACT INFORMATION SHEETS.
50
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:39,320
NOW--NOW, WHO WOULD
LIKE TO PASS THEM OUT?
51
00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:40,470
OH, OH, OH,
52
00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,070
MS. CLIFTON,
MS. CLIFTON OVER HERE!
53
00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:44,310
OH, OH, OH,
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON
54
00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:47,410
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON
55
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,260
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
56
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:51,610
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
57
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,520
MMM, MRS. GRIFFIN.
58
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,900
[groans]
59
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:59,140
I-I-I'M SORRY.
WILL YOU ALL PLEASE EXCUSE ME
FOR A MOMENT?
60
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:01,290
(announcer) TONIGHT'S WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS ARE
61
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,960
6, 21, 18, 7, 42.
62
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,310
OH, MY GOD! I WON!
63
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:11,950
I'M FREE FROM ALL THOSE
SNOT-NOSED, LITTLE BASTARDS!
64
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:13,540
[exclaiming]
65
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,140
I'M FREE!
66
00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:17,210
[Ms. Clifton laughing]
67
00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:20,230
IS SHE COMING BACK?
68
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,530
I DON'T KNOW.
69
00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:30,090
I CAN'T BELIEVE
MS. CLIFTON'S GONE.
70
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,040
WHO'S GONNA
TEACH MY CLASS NOW?
71
00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:34,620
BRIAN, WHY DON'T YOU
TEACH CHRIS'S CLASS?
72
00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:37,430
YOU'RE VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE,
THE KIDS MIGHT KNOCK YOU DOWN
A FEW PEGS
73
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:38,680
WHICH WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU.
74
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:40,450
YOU KNOW, THAT IS
A TERRIFIC IDEA, LOIS.
75
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,400
I PROBABLY HAVE A LOT
TO OFFER YOUNG PEOPLE.
76
00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:44,020
HAH, WHAT'S HE GOING
TO TEACH THEM?
77
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:47,000
HOW TO LICK THE DORITO CRUMBS
FROM BETWEEN
THE SOFA CUSHIONS?
78
00:03:47,070 --> 00:03:48,960
OR HOW TO LEAVE
A DEAD BIRD ON THE CARPET?
79
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,540
THAT WAS A GIFT,
YOU BASTARD.
80
00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:52,560
THAT WAS A GIFT
FOR THE FAMILY.
81
00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:58,780
GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
I'M YOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER,
BRIAN GRIFFIN.
82
00:03:58,850 --> 00:04:01,450
(all)
GOOD MORNING, MR. GRIFFIN.
83
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,600
[laughing]
PLEASE, PLEASE, CALL ME BRIAN.
84
00:04:03,670 --> 00:04:05,410
MR. GRIFFIN IS MY FATHER.
85
00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:07,620
I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER'S NAME
WAS COCOA,
86
00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:09,730
AND HE WAS HIT
BY A MILK TRUCK!
87
00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:10,940
ALL RIGHT.
OUR GOAL HERE
88
00:04:11,010 --> 00:04:12,860
IS TO GAIN A COMMAND
OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
89
00:04:12,930 --> 00:04:14,510
SO YOU CAN BE
SUCCESSFUL WRITERS
90
00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:16,420
LIKE BEN AFFLECK
AND MATT DAMON.
91
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,030
AH, THERE. FINISHED.
92
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,740
GOOD WILL HUNTING
BY MATT DAMON.
93
00:04:20,810 --> 00:04:23,270
HEY, UH, YOU THINK
WE COULD PUT BOTH OUR NAMES
ON THAT?
94
00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:26,140
WHAT? YOU'VE DONE NOTHING
BUT EAT BREYER'S
AND SMOKE POT
95
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:27,480
FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS.
96
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:30,210
OH, THAT'S--
COME ON! I--I HELPED.
97
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,150
OH, YEAH?
OK, UH, W-WRITE A LINE.
JUST--JUST RIGHT NOW.
98
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:34,650
JUST PITCH ME
A LINE RIGHT NOW.
99
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:35,790
OK.
100
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:37,220
[farts]
HOW ABOUT THAT?
101
00:04:37,290 --> 00:04:39,590
THAT WASN'T A LINE.
YOU JUST FARTED.
102
00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:40,690
IS THERE ANYMORE POT?
103
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:48,530
SO, HOW WAS YOUR
FIRST DAY, MR. KOTTER?
104
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,070
YEAH, CHRIS.
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO
HAVE BRIAN AS A TEACHER?
105
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,290
IT SUCKS!
106
00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:55,150
MR. GRIFFIN GAVE ME AN "F"
ON MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT!
107
00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:56,990
WHAT? AN "F", BRIAN?
108
00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:58,790
AFTER ALL CHRIS
HAS DONE FOR YOU?
109
00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:02,610
OH, YEAH. JUST KIND OF
PULL IT OUT. YEAH.
110
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,380
YOU KNOW, IF DOGS AREN'T
SUPPOSED TO EAT
111
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:05,800
DENTAL FLOSS
OUT OF THE GARBAGE,
112
00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:07,280
WHY DO THEY MAKE IT
MINT-FLAVORED?
113
00:05:07,370 --> 00:05:08,950
HEY, HEY, CHRIS,
WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,
114
00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:11,550
YOU KNOW WHAT WE USED TO DO
WHEN A TEACHER GAVE US
A BAD GRADE?
115
00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:13,270
WHAT?
WE'D EGG HIS HOUSE.
116
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:14,760
COME ON.
WHERE'S THIS BASTARD LIVE?
117
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,090
I'LL SHOW YOU.
118
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,730
THAT'S HIS HOUSE!
119
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,500
[both laughing]
120
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,900
TAKE THAT!
I GOT IT!
121
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:23,270
(Peter)
TAKE THAT, YOU BUM!
122
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:24,470
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
123
00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:25,820
IS THAT HIM?
YEAH!
124
00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,170
OH, CRAP!
125
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:31,670
HELLO, CLASS.
126
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:34,230
MARK TWAIN HERE,
FILLING IN FOR BRIAN GRIFFIN.
127
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,310
I UNDERSTAND YOU
CHILDREN READ MY BOOK,
128
00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:38,350
THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN.
129
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,980
(all)
YEAH, WE READ IT.
130
00:05:40,050 --> 00:05:42,390
NOW, WHO CAN TELL ME--
BOBBY, STOP SCREWING AROUND
BACK THERE!
131
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:43,940
WHO CAN TELL ME
THE SIGNIFICANCE
132
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,940
OF THE CARPETBAGGERS
IN MY NOVEL?
133
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:48,010
YEAH. UH, THEY STOOD FOR
CORRUPTION AND GREED.
134
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,580
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
135
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,160
JUST LIKE
THE PRESIDENCY
OF JAMES GARFIELD.
136
00:05:52,230 --> 00:05:53,730
[all laughing]
137
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,000
HE DIED IN OFFICE.
138
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:56,700
YOU KIDS ARE MIGHTY SMART.
139
00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,950
YOU MUST HAVE
A POWERFUL GOOD TEACHER.
140
00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:02,970
WELL, I GOTTA CATCH
MY TIME STEAMBOAT
BACK TO THE 1800S.
141
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,930
[feet pattering]
142
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,060
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
DID I MISS ANYTHING?
143
00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:11,050
YEAH!
CAP'N CRUNCH WAS HERE.
144
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,270
DIDN'T YOU PASS HIM
ON THE STAIRS?
145
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:16,070
WELL,
I HOPE THE REST OF YOU KIDS
LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY.
146
00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:17,520
(all)
YEAH.
147
00:06:17,590 --> 00:06:19,610
(Sloan) GOOD MORNING, THIS IS PRINCIPAL SLOAN.
148
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,210
MR. GRIFFIN, YOU'VE BEEN REASSIGNED.
149
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,840
PLEASE REPORT TO REMEDIAL ENGLISH.
150
00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,730
REASSIGNED? CAN--CAN I
AT LEAST COME DOWN
151
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,650
TO YOUR OFFICE
AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS?
152
00:06:26,710 --> 00:06:29,920
NO, NO, I'M AFRAID I'M FAR TOO BUSY TODAY.
153
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:33,250
ESTEBAN,
UH, MUCHO TENSION LOWER.
154
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:36,910
LITTLE LOWER. LOWER.
155
00:06:37,510 --> 00:06:40,010
LOWER. LOWER.
156
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,160
♪ ON TOP OF
OLD SMOKEY ♪
157
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:45,510
GOSH, I WAS REALLY STARTING
TO LIKE THIS JOB.
158
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:47,780
IT WAS NICE INTERACTING
WITH INTELLIGENT PEOPLE.
159
00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:49,350
I USUALLY HANG OUT
WITH AN IDIOT.
160
00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:50,900
BRIAN, BRIAN,
CHECK IT OUT.
161
00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:52,910
I MADE A WATER SLIDE
IN THE HOUSE.
162
00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:54,690
[screaming]
163
00:06:55,490 --> 00:06:56,990
[groaning]
164
00:06:57,730 --> 00:07:01,800
[continues groaning]
165
00:07:01,870 --> 00:07:03,370
I'M NOT GONNA
CALL THE HOSPITAL
166
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,540
BECAUSE YOU WON'T
LEARN ANYTHING IF I DO.
167
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:08,940
WELL, KIDS,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
168
00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:13,090
PARDON ME.
IS THIS FIRST-PERIOD ENGLISH?
169
00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:17,100
I'M YOUR NEW TEACHER,
MRS. LOCKHART.
170
00:07:21,950 --> 00:07:24,790
OH, MY GOD. I'M IN LOVE.
171
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,790
WATCH OUT FOR THE STAIRS!
172
00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:28,140
[screams]
173
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:29,880
[crashing]
174
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,570
GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
175
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,300
(all)
GOOD MORNING, MRS. LOCKHART.
176
00:07:40,370 --> 00:07:42,420
I GRADED YOUR QUIZZES
FROM YESTERDAY.
177
00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:43,970
MOST OF YOU DID WELL.
178
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,430
SOME OF YOU,
I THINK, CAN DO BETTER.
179
00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:48,480
WHAT DO YOU SEE HERE, CHRIS?
180
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,750
2 D'S AND AN F.
181
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,120
[chattering]
182
00:08:02,130 --> 00:08:04,430
UH, HI. I'M, UH, MR. GRIFFIN.
183
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,130
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BRIAN.
184
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:07,710
MR. GRIFFIN IS MY FATHER.
185
00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:08,900
[gun fires]
186
00:08:08,970 --> 00:08:11,080
OH, WELL, HAS, UH,
ANYBODY READ HUCKLEBERRY FINN?
187
00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:12,490
[gun fires]
188
00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:14,300
OH, ALL RIGHT, UH,
HOW ABOUT WE GO AROUND
THE ROOM
189
00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:16,640
AND EVERYONE CAN SAY
A LITTLE SOMETHING
ABOUT THEMSELVES?
190
00:08:16,710 --> 00:08:18,620
UH, LET'S START WITH
YOU THERE IN THE FRONT.
191
00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:21,010
MY NAME'S TIM.
I'M 28 YEARS YOUNG.
192
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,350
AND I LOVE WEED.
193
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:23,760
MY NAME IS CARLOS.
194
00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:27,630
AND BENEATH MY TOUGH EXTERIOR
IS A BOY ACHING TO LEARN.
195
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,500
AND BENEATH THAT
IS A RAPIST.
196
00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,160
MY NAME IS AMANDA.
AND MY WATER JUST BROKE.
197
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,310
OH, MY GOD!
198
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,590
YO, IT'S MY TURN TO DELIVER.
199
00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:36,010
CAN I HAVE THIS ONE?
200
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,980
MY MOM KEEPS
GIVING MINE AWAY.
201
00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:42,020
DAD, I NEED SOME ADVICE.
202
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,350
I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO
GET A GIRL TO LIKE ME.
203
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:46,790
OH, CHRIS, BUDDY,
THERE'S A MILLION WAYS
TO DO THAT.
204
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,340
YOU JUST GOT TO DO
SOMETHING SIMPLE,
LIKE VINCENT VAN GOGH.
205
00:08:49,410 --> 00:08:51,980
OH, IT'S...
WHAT IS THIS?
206
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,410
IT'S MY EAR.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
207
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,780
Y-YOU DON'T--
YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
208
00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:58,920
NO, I LIKE IT.
BUT IT'S JUST...
WHY YOUR EAR?
209
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,420
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
210
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:03,420
WELL, AT LEAST
THIS WILL BE A FUNNY STORY
TO TELL OUR KIDS SOMEDAY.
211
00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:06,590
OH, YOU WANT KIDS?
OH, YIKES.
212
00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:10,960
UH, I WISH YOU'D TOLD ME THAT
BEFORE I GOT YOU THIS.
213
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,710
OH, DID I HEAR
MY BIG BOY SAY
214
00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:15,220
HE'S GOT A CRUSH ON
SOME LUCKY GIRL?
215
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,330
OH, YOU KNOW, CHRIS,
I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.
216
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,800
SO, I BROUGHT YOU
A CONDOM.
217
00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:21,300
USE IT WISELY, THOUGH.
IT WASN'T EASY TO OBTAIN.
218
00:09:21,370 --> 00:09:24,190
[couple moaning]
219
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:26,160
(man)
HEY, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
220
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,590
(woman)
HEY, GIVE THAT BACK!
221
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:28,960
(man)
OH, MAN!
222
00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,060
(woman)
NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
223
00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:31,200
[both moaning]
224
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:32,800
(man)
OH, THIS IS MUCH BETTER.
225
00:09:32,870 --> 00:09:34,550
CHRIS, HONEY,
THE WAY TO WIN A GIRL
226
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,840
IS TO DO SOMETHING
ROMANTIC AND UNEXPECTED.
227
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,560
HEY, HEY, REMEMBER
THE NAKED SPACEMAN, LOIS?
228
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,530
OH, YEAH. YOU REMEMBER
THE NAKED SPACEMAN.
229
00:09:43,810 --> 00:09:46,230
ON MY 25TH BIRTHDAY,
YOUR FATHER SURPRISED ME
230
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:49,050
BY SHOWING UP IN NOTHING
BUT A SPACE HELMET
AND MOON BOOTS.
231
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:50,250
[Lois chuckling]
232
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,270
IT JUST CAME TO ME.
233
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:55,000
YOU WANT SOME TANG,
MR. SPACEMAN?
234
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:56,710
OH, DO I?
235
00:09:58,310 --> 00:09:59,860
JUST REMEMBER, FAT MAN,
236
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:02,230
THOSE JUGS ARE MINE
UNTIL THE MILK DRIES UP.
237
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,330
THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE REMAINS.
238
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:09,340
SO, BASICALLY,
WHAT ORWELL WAS SAYING
239
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,970
WAS, "IT'S NOT PERFECT
BUT I'LL TAKE IT."
240
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,340
ALL RIGHT, MOVING ON--
241
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,440
(Chris)
SORRY, I'M LATE,
MRS. LOCKHART.
242
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:18,290
OH, MY GOD, CHRIS!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
243
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,710
BEING ROMANTIC
AND UNEXPECTED.
244
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:22,800
CHRIS, YOU CAN'T BE
SO IMPULSIVE.
245
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:25,720
PEOPLE HAVE GOTTEN INTO
A LOT OF TROUBLE THAT WAY.
246
00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:28,290
UH, MARIE?
247
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,420
YEAH, DONNY?
248
00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:31,960
UM,
249
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:33,790
WE CANNOT TELL MOM.
250
00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:39,820
SO, CHRIS, WHAT'S THE LATEST
WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND?
251
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:43,350
OH, I DON'T THINK
MRS. LOCKHART LIKES ME AT ALL.
252
00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:45,860
MRS. LOCKHART? YOUR TEACHER?
253
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,870
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
254
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:52,340
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
255
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,210
LOIS, THIS IS NOT
MY BATMAN GLASS.
256
00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:55,580
PETER,
ARE YOU LISTENING?
257
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,150
CHRIS HAS A CRUSH
ON HIS TEACHER.
258
00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:58,420
EW, GROSS!
259
00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,120
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GROSS?
260
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:01,220
[farts]
261
00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:03,090
AH, BROKE A DAMN BLOOD VESSEL!
262
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,310
HOW'S IT COMING, DOG?
263
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:11,550
GOD! J-JUST L-LISTEN
TO THIS KID'S REPORT
ON GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
264
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:14,450
"MISS HAVISHAM SHOULD HAVE
THROWED THAT CAKE OUT
265
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,600
SO IT DON'T LIKE
MESS ALL UP
THE BITCH'S HOUSE."
266
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:19,540
I--I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO,
267
00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:21,470
YOU KNOW? SOCIETY'S
GIVEN UP ON THESE KIDS.
268
00:11:21,540 --> 00:11:23,710
AND I FEEL LIKE
I MAY BE THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN HELP THEM.
269
00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:26,180
AND I THINK YOUR PROBLEM IS
YOU'RE NOT COMMUNICATING
IN A WAY
270
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,580
THAT SPEAKS TO
THEIR EXPERIENCE.
271
00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:28,850
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
272
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,830
GET IN THERE TOMORROW
AND DO THE ROBOT.
273
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:32,720
♪[music playing]
274
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,410
WOW. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TRY
A WHOLE NEW APPROACH.
275
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,590
THANKS.
276
00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:41,980
♪[music playing]
277
00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:43,550
OK, YOU CAN STOP THAT NOW.
278
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,280
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I'M A ROBOT.
279
00:11:45,350 --> 00:11:47,450
COME ON, KNOCK IT OFF.
DOES NOT COMPUTE.
280
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:48,990
[beeps]
281
00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:50,450
I'M GOING TO BED.
282
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,010
I DO NOT REQUIRE SLEEP.
283
00:11:52,070 --> 00:11:54,790
[whirrs]
284
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:58,280
OH, LET'S SEE THE KID
WITH THE HEARING AID
FROM BARNEY DO THIS.
285
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:03,400
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
SO'S I'M CHILLING IN VERONA
286
00:12:03,470 --> 00:12:05,100
WHEN MY HOMIE BUSTS OUT WITH:
287
00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:06,450
"YO, ROMEO.
288
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,040
CHECK OUT
THAT BIOTCH JULIET
IN THE WINDOW."
289
00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:11,740
PROBLEM IS,
JULIET'S PEEPS ARE, LIKE,
EAST COAST RAPPERS
290
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:14,710
AND MY POSSE'S
REPRESENTING WEST SIDE.
291
00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:16,360
JUST LIKE MY BOYS
TUPAC AND BIGGIE.
292
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:18,100
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
293
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:19,400
THAT'S RACIST, MAN.
294
00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,200
YEAH, THAT'S JUST
STRAIGHT IGNORANT, DOG.
295
00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:25,250
IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU,
MR. AND MRS. GRIFFIN.
296
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,310
WELL, WE WANTED TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT OUR SON.
297
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,390
YOU SEE,
CHRIS REALLY--
298
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,880
L-L-L-LOIS--LOIS, HONEY,
299
00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:32,160
LET'S, UH, MAKE SURE
WE DO THIS DELICATELY,
ALL RIGHT?
300
00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:35,710
MRS. LOCKHART, OUR SON
301
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,650
WOULD LIKE TO PLOW YOU.
302
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,450
I HAD A FEELING
THAT'S WHAT WAS GOING ON.
303
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,610
SORRY. OUR--OUR SON CAN
SOMETIMES BE A BOOB.
304
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,870
I-I MEAN A MELON.
305
00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:48,340
I-I MEAN,
A-A SOPPING-WET PAIR
OF BREASTS
306
00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,410
BARELY COVERED BY
A RACING T-SHIRT.
PETER.
307
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,480
MRS. LOCKHART,
WE JUST WANTED
YOU TO KNOW
308
00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:55,240
SO YOU COULD
SPARE HIS FEELINGS
AND LET HIM DOWN GENTLY.
309
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:58,120
DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO SAY TO CHRIS.
310
00:12:58,190 --> 00:12:59,520
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
311
00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,660
YOU'VE BEEN
VERY UNDERSTANDING.
312
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,110
GOSH. YOU KNOW,
I-I DON'T MEAN TO IMPOSE,
313
00:13:05,180 --> 00:13:06,980
BUT DO YOU HAVE
A PICTURE OF YOURSELF
314
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:09,680
THAT I COULD TAPE
TO THE BACK OF LOIS'S HEAD?
315
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,550
[crickets chirping]
316
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,690
[rapping on window]
317
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,640
MRS. LOCKHART?
318
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:21,310
CHRIS, COME DOWN HERE.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
319
00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:23,730
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
320
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,400
'CAUSE I COULDN'T STAND
TO BE AWAY FROM YOU
FOR ANOTHER MOMENT.
321
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:29,070
I THINK I'M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH YOU.
322
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:30,470
I LOVE YOU, TOO!
323
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,810
THE ONLY PROBLEM
IS I'M MARRIED.
324
00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:35,520
THEREFORE,
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
325
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:38,510
UM, MAKE A FLIP BOOK
OF A STICK FIGURE
326
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:40,610
WHOSE HEAD GETS
BIGGER AND BIGGER
327
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,420
AND BIGGER AND THEN POPS?
328
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:45,590
THIS ISN'T
A FLIP BOOK, CHRIS.
329
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,190
THEY'RE INSTRUCTIONS.
330
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,870
IF WE'RE GOING
TO BE TOGETHER,
331
00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,460
I NEED YOU TO
KILL MY HUSBAND.
332
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:52,790
[screaming]
333
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,050
HEY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT TIME IT IS?
334
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,580
GET IN THE HOUSE, FATTY!
335
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,500
[doorbell rings]
336
00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:08,310
OH, CHRIS,
YOU BIG BEAUTIFUL MAN,
337
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:11,160
OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.
338
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:13,110
UP THE STAIRS,
SECOND DOOR ON THE LEFT.
339
00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:14,630
HE SHOULD STILL BE ASLEEP.
340
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:17,170
MRS. LOCKHART,
I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THIS.
341
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,280
WHAT?
342
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:20,000
M-MAYBE YOU COULD
JUST GET A DIVORCE,
343
00:14:20,070 --> 00:14:22,370
AND WE COULD LIVE TOGETHER
IN THE FORT UNDER MY BED.
344
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,530
FINE. I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
BUT WE'RE THROUGH.
345
00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:27,880
OK. BUT I GOT TO
GIVE YOU THE PASSWORD,
346
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,410
OR YOU CAN'T
GET INTO THE FORT.
347
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,510
[door slams]
348
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,480
IT'S TACO. TACO!
349
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,670
OH, GOOD GOD! LOOK AT
THE FAT MAN'S UNDERWEAR.
350
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,560
IT LOOKS LIKE
A JACKSON POLLOCK PAINTING.
351
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,040
DON'T PUT THAT IN
WITH MY THINGS!
352
00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:42,480
HUH, WHAT'S THIS?
353
00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,740
YOU KNOW, STEWIE,
354
00:14:43,810 --> 00:14:46,310
MOMMY DOESN'T USUALLY READ
THINGS OUT OF CHRIS'S POCKETS.
355
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:47,880
SHE'S MORE RESPECTFUL
THAN THAT.
356
00:14:47,950 --> 00:14:50,050
YEAH, WHATEVER HELPS YOU
SLEEP AT NIGHT, BITCH.
357
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,850
OH, OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
358
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,400
CHRIS IS GONNA MURDER
MRS. LOCKHART'S HUSBAND!
359
00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:57,240
W-WE GOT TO STOP HIM!
360
00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:59,010
HEY, CAN WE STOP AT
THE SUPERMARKET?
361
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,780
I WANT A GRANNY SMITH APPLE.
AH!
362
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:06,920
HOW'S YOUR OATMEAL, HONEY?
363
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,720
YOU KNOW,
IT TASTES KIND OF
DIFFERENT THAN USUAL.
364
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,320
OH, MY GOD!
THERE'S A BEAR IN MY OATMEAL.
365
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,690
[Mr. Lockhart screaming]
366
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,260
[bear roaring]
367
00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:24,050
[all chattering]
368
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,880
[sighing]
YEAH, I KNOW. I'M LATE.
369
00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:27,750
OK, LET'S JUST GET STARTED.
370
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:36,080
HEY, YO, MAN,
WHAT'S THAT THING
IN THE MIDDLE?
371
00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:37,400
WHAT, THIS?
372
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,400
[scoffs]
YOU GOT TO BE
FREAKING KIDDING ME.
373
00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:40,720
THAT'S AN AMPERSAND.
374
00:15:40,790 --> 00:15:42,580
IT'S A SYMBOL FOR
THE WORD "AND."
375
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,940
MY GOD,
NOBODY CAN BE THIS STUPID.
376
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,070
N-N-NOT EVEN PETER
WHEN HE TOOK THAT BLOW
TO THE HEAD
377
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:49,170
AND THOUGHT HE WAS LARRY
FROM THREE'S COMPANY.
378
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,930
JACK, THERE'S A HOT TUB PARTY
ACROSS THE STREET
AND WE'RE INVITED.
379
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,900
OH, AND DON'T WORRY.
IF MR. FURLEY COMES BY,
380
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,400
I'LL MAKE SURE
HE THINKS YOU'RE...
381
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:56,520
♪[humming]
382
00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:58,630
YO, MR. GRIFFIN,
CHILLAX.
383
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,240
WE'RE DOING
THE BEST WE CAN.
384
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:03,420
THERE IS NOTHING
I WOULD LIKE TO DO MORE
THAN CHILLAX, AMANDA.
385
00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:04,840
BUT W-WITHOUT
A DECENT EDUCATION,
386
00:16:04,910 --> 00:16:06,530
YOU COULD SPEND
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
387
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:08,860
AS A DITCH DIGGER
OR A MOTEL MAID OR A HOOKER.
388
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:10,210
I COULD BE A DITCH DIGGER?
389
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,530
A MOTEL MAID?
390
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,780
I COULD BE A HOOKER?
391
00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:14,950
W-W-WELL, NO. YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE A HOOKER.
392
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:16,870
WOW, MR. GRIFFIN!
YOU'RE THE FIRST TEACHER
393
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,620
THAT EVER TOLD US
WE COULD DO ANYTHING.
394
00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:21,670
WELL, I-I-I DIDN'T MEAN
SELL YOUR BODY FOR MONEY.
395
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,060
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
396
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:24,690
NO, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
MISUNDERSTANDING.
397
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:25,930
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
398
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,530
WELL, IF IT WORKS FOR YOU,
I GUESS...
399
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:28,930
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
400
00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:31,030
WHAT THE HELL?
BE THE BEST DAMN HOOKER
YOU CAN BE.
401
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,570
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
402
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,050
IN YOUR CASE,
I'D GET THE MONEY UP FRONT.
403
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,020
[mumbling]
404
00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:43,430
JACK, TWINS!
SWEDISH. MY PLACE. NOW.
405
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:47,530
[screaming]
406
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,920
OH, WE'RE TOO LATE!
407
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:52,390
OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.
OK, I GOTTA CALL THE POLICE.
408
00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:53,540
[grunts]
409
00:16:53,610 --> 00:16:55,370
[sniffing]
OH, WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
410
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,380
OH, DEAD BODY, RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.
411
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,380
MMM, I JUST HAD A DREAM
I WAS AN EGG,
412
00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:02,300
AND I WAS BEING HATCHED
BY ELISABETH HASSELBECK.
413
00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:05,870
AH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
I CAN'T CALL THE POLICE.
414
00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:08,640
I HAVE TO GET RID
OF THIS BODY,
OR CHRIS'LL GO TO PRISON!
415
00:17:08,710 --> 00:17:11,170
AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
IN THOSE PRISON SHOWERS.
416
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,370
I'VE SEEN OZ.
417
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,240
♪ SCRUB SCRUB HERE,
SCRUB SCRUB THERE ♪
418
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,050
♪ WHETHER YOU'RE WHITE
OR BRONZE ♪
419
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:20,080
♪ A MAN CAN WASH ANOTHER MAN
IN THE MERRY OLD LAND OF OZ ♪
420
00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:25,740
[car door shuts]
421
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:27,340
ALL RIGHT,
WAIT HERE, STEWIE,
422
00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:29,510
WHILE MOMMY GETS
THE CEMENT BLOCKS.
423
00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,210
[gasps]
424
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:35,480
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT HERE?
425
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,870
YEAH, FINE, OFFICER.
JUST, UH, ENJOYING THE SUNSET.
426
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,940
NO LAW AGAINST THAT,
IS THERE?
427
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,320
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT?
428
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:42,570
[laughing]
OH, YOU KNOW,
429
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,090
JUST A PIZZA PARTY
AT THE OFFICE.
430
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,540
OH, YEAH? WHERE DO YOU WORK?
431
00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:48,080
FIRST FIDELITY INSURANCE
OVER ON WABOSSETTE STREET.
432
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,760
MY COUSIN, ARNIE,
WORKS OVER THERE.
433
00:17:49,830 --> 00:17:51,380
OH, ARNIE'S YOUR COUSIN,
IS HE?
434
00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:53,130
YOU KNOW HIM?
UH, SOMEWHAT.
435
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,870
GOOD MIDDLE-MANAGEMENT TYPE.
JUST BLENDS IN WITH
THE FURNITURE THERE.
436
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,770
NEVER REALLY WOWED
ANYONE AT THE OFFICE.
437
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,910
YEAH, THAT'S ALWAYS
BEEN ARNIE'S PROBLEM.
438
00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:01,010
WELL, TAKE IT EASY.
439
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,260
YES, YES, YOU TOO, YOU TOO.
440
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,230
OH, AND, UH,
IF YOU SEE ARNIE TELL HIM,
441
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,440
[gibbering]
442
00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:07,250
HE'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
443
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,420
YOU KNOW WHAT
I HATE?
444
00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:15,760
A GUY IN
A BLUE SUIT.
445
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:16,890
OH!
446
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,020
[inhaling]
447
00:18:18,090 --> 00:18:20,930
THERE'S ONE RIGHT BEHIND ME,
ISN'T THERE?
448
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,260
YOU KNOW, LOIS,
CHRIS IS COOL
AND EVERYTHING,
449
00:18:24,330 --> 00:18:25,930
BUT, UH, SINCE HE
KILLED THAT GUY, UH,
450
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,500
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T BE
LIVING WITH US HERE NOW.
451
00:18:28,570 --> 00:18:29,600
PETER, I'M SCARED.
452
00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:31,200
DON'T WORRY,
SWEETHEART.
453
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:33,340
YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
TO ESCAPE WHILE
HE'S KILLING MEG.
454
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:35,010
HE HATES HER
THE MOST.
455
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,080
HEY, EVERYBODY.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
456
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,340
I'M STARVING.
457
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,710
MY GOD, HIS BLOOD LUST
IS UNQUENCHABLE!
458
00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:42,650
HEY, CHRIS, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE YOUR SISTER
459
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,030
INTO THE KITCHEN
FOR A SANDWICH?
460
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,130
I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
461
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,320
[crashing]
462
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,390
WHY IS EVERYBODY ACTING WEIRD?
463
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,110
CHRIS, HONEY,
WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
464
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,840
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
HONESTLY, I DON'T APPROVE.
465
00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:54,210
WHAT I DID?
466
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,650
OH, THAT I LIED ABOUT MY AGE
TO GET INTO INDIAN BINGO?
467
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,320
UH, NO.
468
00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:01,930
THAT I HAD HARD GAS
AND POOED MYSELF?
469
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,140
CLOSE, BUT STILL NO.
470
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,220
HOW IS THAT CLOSE?
471
00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:05,400
FOR GOD'S SAKE, CHRIS!
472
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,720
YOU MURDERED MR. LOCKHART!
473
00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:08,460
WHAT? NO, I DIDN'T!
474
00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:10,960
OH, COME ON, CHRIS.
EVERYBODY'S DONE SOMETHING
THEY'RE NOT PROUD OF.
475
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,590
LIKE WHEN I USED
TO BE A WONDER TWIN.
476
00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:15,710
PETER,
THE OLD SCHOOLHOUSE
IS ON FIRE! LET'S GO!
477
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,670
(both)
WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!
478
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,300
FORM OF A HAWK!
479
00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:21,700
COME ON, PETER.
480
00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:24,040
YEAH,
I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
481
00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:26,990
SHAPE OF JAYNA'S TAMPON.
482
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:34,450
(Peter)
AND NOW I PLAY
THE WAITING GAME.
483
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,020
CHRIS, I SAW THE BODY.
484
00:19:36,090 --> 00:19:37,850
PREMEDITATED MURDER
IS ONE THING,
485
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,960
BUT I WILL NOT HAVE
LYING IN THIS HOUSE.
486
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,160
WAIT, WAIT,
HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
487
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:43,030
CAN WE FINISH THIS
AFTER JOAN OF ARCADIA?
488
00:19:43,110 --> 00:19:44,730
OH, IS JOAN OF ARCADIA ON?
489
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,030
ALL RIGHT.
490
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,330
MUST BE GOOD.
ENJOYABLE PROGRAM.
491
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,620
WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST
492
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,420
TO BRING YOU A BREAKING NEWS STORY.
493
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,200
WE APOLOGIZE TO
JOAN OF ARCADIA'S
SANCTIMONIOUS,
494
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:56,420
FEAR-BASED AND PROBABLY OVERWEIGHT VIEWERS.
495
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:58,810
THAT'S RIGHT, DIANE.
IT APPEARS RONALD LOCKHART
496
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,810
HAS BEEN BRUTALLY MURDERED
BY HIS WIFE,
497
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,280
LANA, AND A LOCAL BEAR.
498
00:20:02,350 --> 00:20:04,330
WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.
499
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,330
CHRIS, I GUESS
WE OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
500
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,630
THAT'S OK.
501
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:10,640
I JUST WONDER WHAT HAPPENED
TO MS. LOCKHART AND THAT BEAR.
502
00:20:10,690 --> 00:20:13,410
THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THESE SUSPECTS
ARE CURRENTLY UNKNOWN.
503
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:14,760
[crickets chirping]
504
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:16,030
YOU READY?
505
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,610
WHAT'S THAT?
506
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,750
I THOUGHT WE'D TRY
THAT LOBSTER PLACE
WE PASSED IN THE CAR.
507
00:20:19,810 --> 00:20:21,780
YEAH, CAN I JUST, UH,
FINISH WATCHING THIS?
508
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:24,250
YOU CAN WATCH T.V. ANYTIME.
I'M STARVING.
509
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,250
LANA, THIS IS GONNA BE
A REAL LONG TRIP
510
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,320
IF YOU DON'T
KNOCK OFF THE CRAP!
511
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:31,790
LOVE YOU.
42762
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