Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:02,603
Everybody Hates Chris #024
Closed Captioned
2
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:05,573
CHRIS ROCK:
Keisha was the first girl
I ever really cared about.
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,741
Even though she never
really cared about me.
4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,643
When I found out her family
was moving,
5
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,545
I was sad to see her go.
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,547
Hey, where y'all
moving to?
7
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,183
We're going to this place
in California.
8
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,750
It's supposed to be
really, really nice.
9
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,619
Palm trees and lawns
10
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,054
and no violence
and no crime.
11
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:23,091
Well, what's it called?
Compton.
12
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,393
I always wondered how that
worked out for them?
13
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:26,527
MAN:
Bust a cap in 'em!
14
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,197
MAN:
Get down, Keisha!
Get down, girl, get down!
15
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,764
So do you
miss Keisha?
16
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,766
Do you mean do I miss being
rejected, ignored
17
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:33,767
and humiliated?
18
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,369
Yeah, sort of.
19
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,338
Why don't you just
hang out with
somebody else?
20
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,307
I don't like
anyone else.
21
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,676
And nobody else
liked me.
22
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,812
Hey, who's that?
23
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,850
That's just Yvette.
24
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,652
She lives
around the corner.
25
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,654
You know, she's
kind of cute.
26
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,524
Man, you don't want
to mess with her.
27
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,658
The first girl you ever like
28
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,193
is always tough
to get over.
29
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,828
She holds a special place
in your heart.
30
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,697
So I decided to lower
my standards.
31
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,666
I heard she'll go out
with anybody.
32
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,301
Really?
33
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:10,204
Now that's my kind of girl.
34
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:14,142
Captioning sponsored by
CBS/Paramount
Network Television
35
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,182
* Oh... make it funky now!
36
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,339
Since I didn't want to make
the same mistakes with Yvette
37
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:47,508
that I made with Keisha,
I needed a different approach.
38
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,809
What do you know about her?
39
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,711
Nothing much. Just that she's
supposed to go out
40
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,413
with a lot of different
types of guys.
41
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,148
Perfect.
42
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,616
You should do something simple.
43
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:56,584
Something you haven't
tried before.
44
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,886
I can't just walk up to her
and ask her out.
45
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,254
Have you tried it?
46
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,589
Not yet.
47
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,191
The worst she can say is no.
48
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,826
Okay then, let's try it.
Try what?
49
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,561
You'll be Yvette
and I'll ask you out.
50
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,729
Brokeback Hallway.
51
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:09,863
Right here?
52
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:10,864
It was your idea.
53
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,200
You going to help me
or not?
54
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,335
Fine. Hurry up.
55
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,869
(deep sexy voice):
Hey, Yvette.
56
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,939
So, you want to go out
with me sometime...?
57
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,243
No, you skinny black bum.
58
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,613
I thought the worst
you could say was no.
59
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,815
I was improvising.
60
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,450
Well, you know, since you're
making stuff up
61
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,451
couldn't you have said yes?
62
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,785
He wasn't my type anyway.
63
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,787
We had only been living
64
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,956
in Bed-Stuy for a year
when the crime rate
65
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,525
started to go through the roof.
66
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,960
In the late '90s,
they had the Internet boom,
67
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,962
but in the '80s,
we had the crack boom.
68
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,233
It used to take years
to become a junkie,
69
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,368
but crack cut that down
to 37 minutes.
70
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,636
Even on my block,
71
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,838
things were starting
to get out of control.
72
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,340
The muggers
were getting mugged.
73
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,408
Let me hold a quarter.
74
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:55,576
(laughs)
75
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,777
What's up, little man?
76
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,846
Let me hold a
dollar right quick.
77
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,781
I'll take that
quarter, too.
78
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,950
But...
79
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,918
Our new next door neighbor
was Louise Clarkson.
80
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,387
She hated our neighborhood,
81
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,389
and was intent
on doing something about it.
82
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,491
Well, I can see
we're both very busy,
83
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,393
so I'll just get
to the point.
84
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,795
I'm starting a
neighborhood block watch.
85
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,697
Why do we need
a block watch?
86
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:17,865
(laughs)
87
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,400
In case you
haven't noticed,
88
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,402
crime is running rampant
in this neighborhood.
89
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,670
No, it's not.
90
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,537
This block is fine.
91
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,006
Burglaries are up,
assaults, murders.
92
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,008
Is that fine?
93
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,311
I don't know what block,
you've been on,
94
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,547
but this block is okay,
but thank you for stopping by.
95
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:34,748
Well, thank you.
(laughs)
96
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,016
Uh, something on your teeth.
97
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,418
I'll see myself out.
98
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,586
(laughs):
Okay.
99
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:39,753
Love the couch.
100
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:40,988
(laughs)
101
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,457
Neighborhood block watch.
102
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:46,494
My mother didn't want to accept
that things were getting worse
103
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,895
until something happened to us.
104
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,530
JULIUS:
Rochelle!
105
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,499
What? I'm in here.
106
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,000
My truck got stolen!
107
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,968
What?! Oh, no!
108
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,570
I could get fired for this.
109
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,905
Well, baby, are you sure
it's stolen?
110
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,039
Maybe you just forgot
111
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,374
where you
parked it.
112
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,842
Rochelle, it's not keys,
it's a truck.
113
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,611
Even if I forgot
where I parked it,
114
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,579
you can still see it,
'cause it's a truck!
115
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,281
Well, don't get mad at me.
116
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,849
You act like I stole it.
117
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,452
That's it. I'm
starting a block watch.
118
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,321
That sounds like a good idea.
119
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,723
As soon as I finish this toe.
120
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,326
My mother was a ghetto snob,
so to her,
121
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,561
this wasn't just
a block watch meeting.
122
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,730
It was a Rochelle watch
meeting.
123
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,997
What's all this?
124
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,066
Food for the block
watch meeting.
125
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,901
You're supposed
to be watching the block,
126
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,269
not feeding it.
127
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,839
Julius, I can't
invite people over here
without feeding them.
128
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,774
People in my neighborhood
never got together
129
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,609
without bringing food.
130
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:40,047
Oh, I am so sorry
you got run over by a truck.
131
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,982
But I brought you some ribs.
132
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,351
(crying)
133
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,386
My baby! They
killed my baby.
134
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,388
I'm sorry about your baby.
135
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,789
(garbled radio transmission)
Catfish?
136
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,425
And besides, how do
you expect people
137
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:52,960
to fight crime when
they're hungry?
138
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,996
How do you expect me to
feed people when I'm broke?
139
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,431
Huh? What you say?
Um...
140
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,066
(sniffs):
You smell smoke?
141
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,068
Asking Greg out was one thing,
142
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,836
but Yvette was
a wholenother story.
143
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,405
When you ask a girl out,
144
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,939
you've got to have
your game together.
145
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,075
Chris, look, a woman
got a lot of choices,
146
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,843
so you got to show her something
147
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,912
that separates you
from the other guys.
148
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,681
Mm-hmm.
149
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,083
Well, I've got the perfect thing
for you-- Drakkar Noir.
150
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,018
Drives the ladies wild.
151
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,387
Four dollars.
152
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,054
You can't sell that
in here.
153
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,656
Why not?
154
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,825
'Cause I'll break
your other arm.
155
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,862
Here, try this one.
156
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,066
(grunts)
157
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,369
Yeah. That's just
five dollars.
158
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,070
F...? What...? Five...?
159
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,972
(coughs)
160
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,975
Oh, oh, here come
your lady, young blood.
161
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,811
See you later, okay?
Okay.
162
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,679
(distant chatter)
163
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,715
(bell on door tinkles)
164
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,854
* Hey, lady...
165
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,957
Um, you're
Yvette, right?
166
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,426
I'm Chris.
167
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,861
Hi. What's that smell?
168
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,796
That's my cologne.
169
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,164
That's nice.
170
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,165
CHRIS:
Thanks.
171
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,701
Well, you know, I've seen
you around the block
172
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,470
and thought you
were kind of cute.
173
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,071
Thank you.
174
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,074
So, I was wondering if maybe
you can go out this weekend?
175
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,476
Go out?
176
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,078
Yeah, to the movies
or something.
177
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,413
You paying?
178
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:20,581
I've seen that look before.
179
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,115
It usually led to this.
180
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,584
(gun chamber cocking)
181
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,754
Wait. What do you want
to go and do this for? Why?
182
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,089
Okay.
183
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,791
I said this...
184
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,192
All right, then.
185
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,027
...but I felt like this.
186
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,634
(coughs)
187
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,540
CHRIS ROCK:
The toughest part
about getting a block watch
188
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,442
was finding people
who had stuff worth watching.
189
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,010
All right, now, the
most important part
190
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,545
of the Block
Watch program is
191
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,813
communication.
192
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:56,149
So if you see
anything, you have
193
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,151
to file a report.
194
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:02,089
Without information, not a
lot your local police can do.
195
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,825
Okay, well, what type
of information?
196
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,629
Like if you see somebody
stealing my couch, tell me.
197
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,063
(soft grunt)
Excuse me.
198
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,633
Translation--
"What you say, heifer?"
199
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,167
Excuse me? Excuse you.
Who are you?
200
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,869
Who are you?
Oh, girl,
that's Louise.
201
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,138
She just moved in next d...
I beg your pardon.
202
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,172
I'm sitting
right here.
203
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,541
I'm Louise.
204
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,075
I just moved in next door,
205
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,244
and this was my idea.
206
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,579
(scoffs)
207
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,515
By the way, in my
old neighborhood,
208
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:28,849
we didn't have
these problems.
209
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,050
She told her.
210
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:30,984
Where are you from?
211
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:31,985
Queens.
212
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,821
Oh, Queens.
Very lovely there.
213
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,723
Mm-hmm.
Do you know the Jacobsons?
214
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,491
The black Jacobs?
No the white ones.
215
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,659
The ones with
the restaurant?
216
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,960
Yeah.
I love that...
217
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,763
Excuse me, can we talk about
this neighborhood, Brooklyn?
218
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,998
POLICEMAN:
All right.
Touchy.
219
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,634
Now, what's
very important,
220
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,268
also, in the Block
Watch program is,
221
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,203
if you are away from your house
222
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,972
for any extended period
of time...
223
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,741
In Bed-Stuy, that's 12 minutes.
224
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,544
...you must alert
the other Block Watch members.
225
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,546
And they will watch
your property.
226
00:07:58,579 --> 00:07:59,179
POLICEMAN:
Correct.
227
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,214
Nicely done.
228
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,550
(laughs)
229
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,284
Like let's say
one of you is
230
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,553
on your way
to Florida...
231
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:06,687
Florida?
232
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,689
The closest my family came
to Florida was watching
233
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:09,957
Esther Rolle on Good Times.
234
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,191
(gasps):
Now I get it.
235
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,961
Then the rest of us
can watch out for their house.
236
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,863
I'll take the
night shift.
237
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,966
POLICEMAN:
All right. Another
very important part
238
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,568
of a Block Watch program is...
239
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,135
awareness, huh?
240
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,837
And that's why
241
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,072
you have these.
242
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:28,041
These are stickers, and these
are gonna go in your window.
243
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,778
These stickers will be seen
by the offenders,
244
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,781
and then they will be
less likely to offend.
245
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:34,982
You mean steal?
246
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,617
Correct. Nicely done.
247
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,585
Well, why she
get a button...?
248
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:41,188
Stickers? You think
that's gonna keep people
249
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:44,191
from coming into the house
and hitting me over the head,
250
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,560
'cause I got a sticker
in the window?
251
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,161
(sighs):
If she wasn't so damn evil,
252
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,831
nobody would be trying
to hit her over the head.
253
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,065
Excuse me?
254
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,867
You're excused.
255
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,903
POLICEMAN:
All right, now,
you need to elect
256
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,137
a Block Watch captain.
257
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,206
Okay. All right.
258
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,173
(laughs)
259
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,710
I think I should be the
Block Watch captain.
260
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:03,744
And why is that?
261
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:04,878
Well, because I'm the only one
262
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,279
on the block who
doesn't need watching.
263
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,948
No. It was my husband's truck
that got stolen.
264
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,216
Yes, well, if
you had done
265
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,319
what I asked you to do, which
was start the neighborhood...
266
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,655
See, the problem is, you're new
to the neighborhood, okay?
All right, okay...
267
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,157
So, I don't know
how they do it in Queens...
268
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,926
You're just serving...
but we do it in...
269
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,360
Whoa, ladies,
ladies, ladies,
270
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,362
ladies, ladies,
ladies, ladies...
271
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,697
Mm-hmm.
272
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,232
Let's put it to a vote.
273
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,100
Please.
POLICEMAN:
Okay.
274
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:28,235
Who made the pie?
I did.
275
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,738
I nominate Rochelle to be
the first Block Watch captain.
276
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:34,141
Uh-uh, no. You cannot nominate
because she made some pie.
277
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,008
It's some good pie.
278
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:35,876
Shut up.
279
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,978
All right, all in favor?
You like my pie?
280
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,013
ALL EXCEPT LOUISE:
Aye.
The ayes have it.
281
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,083
I came up
with this idea.
282
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:47,087
I don't see why I am not
the Block Watch captain.
283
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,023
Because we voted,
and the pie lady won.
Okay, fine.
284
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,960
Now when you all come
home to your apartments,
285
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,194
and there's nothing there
286
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,329
except a pie, we all
know who to talk to--
287
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,799
the Block Watch
captain, and we'll say,
288
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,300
"Where were you,
Block Watch Captain?"
289
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,035
She'll say, "I've
been making pie."
290
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,003
I do not talk like that.
291
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,873
Okay, okay,
any questions, any questions?
292
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,074
I have one.
293
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,075
So, what type of places
294
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,277
would you consider
to be the most vulnerable?
295
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,280
Like, say an offender
was gonna break into
somebody's house.
296
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,082
Who would be
the best victim?
297
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,283
That's a very good question.
298
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,284
No, it's not.
299
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,853
You just break into a house
where nobody's home.
300
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:20,821
That's right.
301
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,055
Cool.
302
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,657
I got to go.
303
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,358
(clears his throat)
304
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,626
(mumbles):
Oh!
305
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,863
With a four second head start,
Jerome stole four stereos.
306
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,766
My mother wasn't the only one
helping out the community.
307
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,368
At school, Drew volunteered
to be a Patrol Boy,
308
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,005
which is just a fancy name
for crossing guard.
309
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,372
Okay, go.
310
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,679
Hey, Drew, can you
help me cross?
311
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:46,980
Sure.
312
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,148
Thanks, Drew.
313
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,785
If this had been me,
here's how it would have gone.
314
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,456
Because I was going on a date
for the first time,
315
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,692
everyone had
a helpful suggestion.
316
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,327
Be sure to compliment her
on her shoes.
317
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,162
Girls like that.
Shoes, right.
318
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,364
Tell her you got a job.
Girls like that more.
319
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,598
Job, I got it.
320
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,235
And hold a piece of gum under
your tongue and let it soak
321
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,436
so your breath won't stink.
322
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,005
Okay, gum.
323
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,241
Oh, yeah, and if the movie
is sad, don't cry.
324
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,275
She'll think you're a punk.
325
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,409
It's Footloose.
326
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,211
I ain't gonna cry.
327
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,147
Oh, baby, have a good time.
328
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,481
But not too good a time,
329
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,383
'cause you know I'm not raising
no babies.
330
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:27,087
Enjoy yourself.
331
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,724
This is half off on a soda
and box of Jujubes.
332
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,259
Thanks.
333
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,161
Oh, what the hell.
334
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,430
Here's a coupon
for a free box of popcorn.
335
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:40,768
The last time my father
gave man an extra coupon
336
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,869
was when I gave him
337
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:45,272
a get-one coupon,
get-one-coupon-free coupon.
338
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,439
Have a good time.
339
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,440
You look good, man.
340
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,276
That's my boy.
341
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,044
Standing there waiting
for Yvette
342
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,180
was one of the best feelings
I'd had.
343
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,348
But after 15 minutes,
344
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,818
I thought, "Maybe the buses
are running late."
345
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:04,024
After 30 minutes, I thought,
"Maybe the bus broke down."
346
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,458
After an hour, I thought,
347
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,227
"Maybe the bus got
in an accident,
348
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,063
"skidded through the guardrail,
exploded in midair,
349
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,200
and ended up at the bottom
of the East River."
350
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,835
After the movie was over,
351
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:18,806
I thought, "Maybe she never got
on that bus at all."
352
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,941
To this day, I can't make it
through Footloose
353
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,143
without crying.
354
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,448
That's a bummer, man.
355
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,950
Did she say
what happened?
356
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,251
I haven't heard
from her.
357
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,953
Why do girls
do junk like that?
358
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,287
I don't know
what to tell you.
359
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,257
Greg and I had the same
conversation last night
360
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,159
and he still didn't know
what to tell me.
361
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,128
That sucks.
362
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,430
Man, I don't know
how you made it
to school today.
363
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,899
Stood up, out there
on the street,
364
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:46,967
talk about embarrassing.
365
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,501
If I were you,
I'd be so depressed,
366
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,437
I'd be standing on top
of the Brooklyn Bridge
367
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,405
with a hundred pounds of
rocks tied around my ankles
368
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,174
and a bag of rats
wrapped around my head,
369
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,242
ready to jump...
370
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,344
Okay, I get it.
371
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,245
Forget about it, man.
372
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,179
You're a nice guy.
373
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,313
Aren't you the same one
374
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,982
who called me
a little black bum?
375
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,852
Like I said,
I was improvising.
376
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,454
If it makes you
feel any better,
I would have shown up.
377
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,122
That didn't mean anything.
378
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,324
Greg once showed up at
a sneaker-string taste test.
379
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,394
(laughing)
380
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,063
Uh-huh. Hey!
381
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,164
I'm watching you!
382
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,000
Because my mother
was the Block Watch captain,
383
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,969
if anything happened
in the neighborhood,
384
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,803
Miss Louise made sure
she heard about it.
385
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,008
They're spraying graffiti
downstairs.
386
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,509
I'll file a report.
387
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,544
There's a mad dog chasing
people!
388
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,213
I'll file a report.
389
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,982
Somebody stole my mail.
390
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,483
I'll file a report.
391
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,385
I can't find my glasses.
392
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,020
I'll file a report.
393
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,855
Larry and them coming.
394
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,024
I'll file a report.
395
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,059
Being stood up was bad enough,
396
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,560
so I didn't want
to tell anybody.
397
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:51,431
Hey.
398
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,566
Listen, you ever hear
of Whodini?
399
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,302
Ecstasy and Jalil? Yeah.
400
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,570
Yeah, I got a couple of tickets.
401
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,874
I thought the show
was about the magician.
402
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:01,942
You want 'em?
403
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,576
Yeah.
404
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,978
Maybe you can take your girl.
405
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,246
I don't think so.
406
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,114
Why not?
407
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,181
She stood me up.
408
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:11,051
I was standing outside
the theater for two hours
409
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,019
and she never showed up.
410
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,987
What? You gonna let her
treat you that way
411
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:14,988
and get away with it?
412
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,390
Listen, if I was you,
I'd go find that girl,
413
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,326
take her by the hair
and shake her
414
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,161
like an Etch-A-Sketch.
415
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,462
Doc lives alone.
416
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,331
She does owe me an explanation.
417
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,532
Now you're talking.
418
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:28,068
Well, here's your chance.
419
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,437
Hey, Chris.
420
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,974
Oh, hey, what happened
to you yesterday?
421
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,643
That's right. We were supposed
to go see Footloose.
422
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,611
I totally forgot.
423
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,680
I didn't know it then,
but, for years to come,
424
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,615
I dated an awful lot
of women with amnesia.
425
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,052
Oh, that's right.
426
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,920
We're supposed
to go to the prom together.
427
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,421
I totally forgot.
428
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:49,656
That's right.
429
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,624
We wer supposed to do something
for your birthday.
430
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,226
Totally forgot.
431
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,327
Oh, that's right.
432
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,628
I was supposed to give you
a kidney.
433
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,564
Boy, I forgot all about you.
434
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,266
Until I got famous,
435
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,601
I never met a woman
that could remember anything.
436
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,337
So maybe we can
go Saturday.
437
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,139
Mm, this Saturday?
438
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,175
I can't.
I have a piano lesson.
439
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,309
Are you free Sunday?
440
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,677
I have to go clean house.
441
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:14,147
Too bad. I got these
Whodini tickets
442
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,648
for Sunday afternoon
at the park.
443
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,250
For real?
444
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,486
Yeah, right here.
445
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:20,487
You know what?
446
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,622
Maybe I can go.
447
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:26,026
So I'll see you Sunday then?
448
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,494
All right.
449
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,296
Sunday.
450
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,434
Mm-mm.
451
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,668
What?
452
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,105
That girl is not interested
in you.
453
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,272
She's interested
in your tickets.
454
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,342
Think so?
455
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,276
She's an opportunist.
456
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,679
She goes with whoever
has the best deal.
457
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,448
She only agreed
to go out with you
458
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,150
because she didn't have
anything better to do.
459
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:53,053
That's how I ended up
married for three years.
460
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,022
I don't Yvette's like that.
461
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,389
Want to make a bet?
462
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,394
While I was trying
to get a girl's attention,
463
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:04,164
girls were trying to get
Drew's attention.
464
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,565
I feel so safe
with you here.
465
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:06,366
Thanks.
466
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,567
Drew,
467
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,670
this is all for you.
468
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,072
What are you doing?
469
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,273
(horn blaring)
470
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:13,673
Drew.
471
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,442
Drew.
472
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,743
Oh, man!
473
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,545
(horns blaring)
474
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,347
Drew's corner was crawling
with more girls
475
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,514
than Usher's garbage can.
476
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,084
I didn't want to believe Doc
was right about Yvette,
477
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,086
so I decided to see for myself.
478
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,455
Hey, Yvette. Yeah, it's Chris.
479
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,289
Hi.
480
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,125
Listen, about those tickets,
yeah.
481
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,360
I found out they were fake.
482
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,527
For real?
483
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,264
Mm...
But you know, we can still
go out to a movie.
484
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,066
Yeah, I found out
there's this new movie...
485
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,067
(dial tone)
486
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,203
Hello? Hello?
487
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:50,777
(three tones)
488
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,713
The number you have reached
has been disconnected.
489
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,517
Hmm, maybe a bus crashed
into her phone.
490
00:16:57,550 --> 00:17:00,187
Rochelle.
491
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,221
Yes, Louise.
492
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,090
I need stickers.
What?
493
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,093
Stickers. I've been up
and down this block.
494
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,328
I've looked in every window
and there are no stickers.
495
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,064
How do we expect offenders
not to offend
496
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,465
if there are no stickers?
497
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,601
I'll get you
some stickers, Louise.
498
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,435
Thank you.
499
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,469
Whoa, whoa, baby,
500
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,139
that's nine cent
worth of tape.
501
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,341
Hi, Julius.
502
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,243
So sorry about your truck.
503
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,512
I can't believe they stole it
right off the street.
504
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,646
It was right here.
505
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:30,217
Right here?
506
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,218
Right here.
507
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,720
Next to the fire hydrant?
508
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,789
Oh.
509
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,461
They must have
just put that there.
510
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,730
Well, it probably
wouldn't have happened
511
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,200
if it had had
a sticker on it.
512
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,671
I like her.
513
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,206
What?
514
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,608
Matches...
515
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,510
Hey, Chris.
516
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,412
Hey, can I talk
to your for a minute?
517
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,448
I hope she doesn't have
something better to do.
518
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,152
What?
519
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,353
How come you
didn't tell me
520
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,687
you just didn't want
to go out with me
521
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,788
instead of dissing
me like that?
522
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,423
Like what?
523
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,824
Like leaving me
out in front
524
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,360
of the movie theater
like a fool.
525
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,495
Like saying you want
to go with me to go see
526
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,829
Whodini then hanging up
in my face?
527
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,298
You said the tickets
were fake.
528
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,399
I thought
you were going
529
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,368
because you wanted
to go out with me.
530
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:24,171
Why'd you even agree
to go out with me
in the first place?
531
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,838
Because I didn't have
anything better to do.
532
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,540
Why didn't you
say that?
533
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,277
I was trying
not to hurt your feelings.
534
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,245
Well, you know,
you really suck at that.
535
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,214
Well, what do you
want me to do?
536
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:40,520
You know what?
Nothing.
537
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,222
I asked Yvette out
after I got famous.
538
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,191
She stood me up and went out
with Chris Tucker.
539
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,394
You handled that like a man,
Chris.
540
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,862
You still got those tickets?
541
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,564
Yeah. Why?
542
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:55,835
I got this young honey
on the line and she loves rap.
543
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,205
Have fun.
544
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,208
You know I will.
545
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,943
Man, the first time I asked
a girl to go out with me
546
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,678
and this happens.
547
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,282
Hey, at least it ended
better than this.
548
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,786
After a week of being captain
of the Block Watch,
549
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,256
my mother was going down
with the ship.
550
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,624
I heard a noise in my house.
551
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,726
I heard a noise
in my house, too,
552
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,394
and it's you
at my damn door!
553
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:24,231
Well, you are
the Block Watch captain.
554
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,334
No, no, I'm not. You win!
You win!
555
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,502
Here, here, you want to be
the Block Watch captain,
556
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,638
be the Block Watch captain.
557
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,673
Well, only if you're
absolutely sure.
558
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,775
(frustrated yell)
559
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:41,381
Here's the rest of the piece
of the pie!
560
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,850
All right, we gonna see
who's watching the block now.
561
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,419
What are you doing?
562
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:49,322
I'm quitting the Patrol Boys.
563
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,390
Why?
564
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,991
Girls are crazy.
565
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,262
No truer words
have ever been spoken.
566
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,697
After getting put down
by Keisha
567
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:58,998
and stood up by Yvette,
568
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,768
I was through having crushes
on girls in the neighborhood,
569
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,636
and I meant it.
570
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,972
Oh, hi. You must be Chris.
571
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,640
Uh, scratch that.
572
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,942
Hey. Who are you?
573
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,680
I'm Tasha.
574
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,849
Stay away from my granddaughter,
you cockeyed hooligan.
575
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,420
Turns out older women
didn't like me either.
576
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:23,690
* Everybody hates Chris.
577
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:27,427
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
578
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,602
* Oh... make it funky now.
37601
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof