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Everybody Hates Chris #024
Closed Captioned
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00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:05,566
CHRIS ROCK:
Keisha was the first girl
I ever really cared about.
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,736
Even though she never
really cared about me.
4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,635
When I found out her family
was moving,
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00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,547
I was sad to see her go.
6
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,549
Hey, where y'all
moving to?
7
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,181
We're going to this place
in California.
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00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,746
It's supposed to be
really, really nice.
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00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,624
Palm trees and lawns
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00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,052
and no violence
and no crime.
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00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:23,088
Well, what's it called?
Compton.
12
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,394
I always wondered how that
worked out for them?
13
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:26,526
MAN:
Bust a cap in 'em!
14
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,200
MAN:
Get down, Keisha!
Get down, girl, get down!
15
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,760
So do you
miss Keisha?
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00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,768
Do you mean do I miss being
rejected, ignored
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00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:33,770
and humiliated?
18
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,371
Yeah, sort of.
19
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,343
Why don't you just
hang out with
somebody else?
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00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,311
I don't like
anyone else.
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00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,680
And nobody else
liked me.
22
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,810
Hey, who's that?
23
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,851
That's just Yvette.
24
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,653
She lives
around the corner.
25
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,645
You know, she's
kind of cute.
26
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,516
Man, you don't want
to mess with her.
27
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,657
The first girl you ever like
28
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,191
is always tough
to get over.
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00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,827
She holds a special place
in your heart.
30
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,701
So I decided to lower
my standards.
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00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,671
I heard she'll go out
with anybody.
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00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,299
Really?
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00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:10,195
Now that's my kind of girl.
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00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:14,138
Captioning sponsored by
CBS/Paramount
Network Television
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* Oh... make it funky now!
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00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,341
Since I didn't want to make
the same mistakes with Yvette
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00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:47,513
that I made with Keisha,
I needed a different approach.
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00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,811
What do you know about her?
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00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,712
Nothing much. Just that she's
supposed to go out
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00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,414
with a lot of different
types of guys.
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00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,146
Perfect.
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00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,622
You should do something simple.
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00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:56,579
Something you haven't
tried before.
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00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,887
I can't just walk up to her
and ask her out.
45
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,249
Have you tried it?
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00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,588
Not yet.
47
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,192
The worst she can say is no.
48
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,834
Okay then, let's try it.
Try what?
49
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,559
You'll be Yvette
and I'll ask you out.
50
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,725
Brokeback Hallway.
51
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:09,862
Right here?
52
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:10,857
It was your idea.
53
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,198
You going to help me
or not?
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00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,343
Fine. Hurry up.
55
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,868
(deep sexy voice):
Hey, Yvette.
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00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,943
So, you want to go out
with me sometime...?
57
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,242
No, you skinny black bum.
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00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,606
I thought the worst
you could say was no.
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00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,816
I was improvising.
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00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,448
Well, you know, since you're
making stuff up
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00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,453
couldn't you have said yes?
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00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,794
He wasn't my type anyway.
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00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,786
We had only been living
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00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,961
in Bed-Stuy for a year
when the crime rate
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00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,529
started to go through the roof.
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00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,958
In the late '90s,
they had the Internet boom,
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,963
but in the '80s,
we had the crack boom.
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00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,225
It used to take years
to become a junkie,
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00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,366
but crack cut that down
to 37 minutes.
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00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,641
Even on my block,
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00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,839
things were starting
to get out of control.
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00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,341
The muggers
were getting mugged.
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00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,413
Let me hold a quarter.
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00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:55,582
(laughs)
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00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,779
What's up, little man?
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00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,850
Let me hold a
dollar right quick.
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00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,779
I'll take that
quarter, too.
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00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,954
But...
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00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,923
Our new next door neighbor
was Louise Clarkson.
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00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,392
She hated our neighborhood,
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00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,390
and was intent
on doing something about it.
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00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,492
Well, I can see
we're both very busy,
83
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,394
so I'll just get
to the point.
84
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,796
I'm starting a
neighborhood block watch.
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00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,698
Why do we need
a block watch?
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00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:17,870
(laughs)
87
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,398
In case you
haven't noticed,
88
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,403
crime is running rampant
in this neighborhood.
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00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,665
No, it's not.
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00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,543
This block is fine.
91
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,011
Burglaries are up,
assaults, murders.
92
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,009
Is that fine?
93
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,311
I don't know what block,
you've been on,
94
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,554
but this block is okay,
but thank you for stopping by.
95
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:34,751
Well, thank you.
(laughs)
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00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,022
Uh, something on your teeth.
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00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,419
I'll see myself out.
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00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,591
(laughs):
Okay.
99
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:39,749
Love the couch.
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00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:40,987
(laughs)
101
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,461
Neighborhood block watch.
102
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:46,491
My mother didn't want to accept
that things were getting worse
103
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,897
until something happened to us.
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00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,528
JULIUS:
Rochelle!
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00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,503
What? I'm in here.
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00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,002
My truck got stolen!
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00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,973
What?! Oh, no!
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00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,572
I could get fired for this.
109
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,914
Well, baby, are you sure
it's stolen?
110
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,038
Maybe you just forgot
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00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,372
where you
parked it.
112
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,838
Rochelle, it's not keys,
it's a truck.
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00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,605
Even if I forgot
where I parked it,
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00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,584
you can still see it,
'cause it's a truck!
115
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,283
Well, don't get mad at me.
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00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,845
You act like I stole it.
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00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,452
That's it. I'm
starting a block watch.
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00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,315
That sounds like a good idea.
119
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,724
As soon as I finish this toe.
120
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,326
My mother was a ghetto snob,
so to her,
121
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,559
this wasn't just
a block watch meeting.
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00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,734
It was a Rochelle watch
meeting.
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00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,003
What's all this?
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00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,071
Food for the block
watch meeting.
125
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,899
You're supposed
to be watching the block,
126
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,265
not feeding it.
127
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,843
Julius, I can't
invite people over here
without feeding them.
128
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,772
People in my neighborhood
never got together
129
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,607
without bringing food.
130
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:40,053
Oh, I am so sorry
you got run over by a truck.
131
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,980
But I brought you some ribs.
132
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,345
(crying)
133
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,394
My baby! They
killed my baby.
134
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,389
I'm sorry about your baby.
135
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,791
(garbled radio transmission)
Catfish?
136
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,432
And besides, how do
you expect people
137
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:52,959
to fight crime when
they're hungry?
138
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:56,003
How do you expect me to
feed people when I'm broke?
139
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,429
Huh? What you say?
Um...
140
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,065
(sniffs):
You smell smoke?
141
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,069
Asking Greg out was one thing,
142
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,841
but Yvette was
a wholenother story.
143
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,410
When you ask a girl out,
144
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,938
you've got to have
your game together.
145
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,083
Chris, look, a woman
got a lot of choices,
146
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,838
so you got to show her something
147
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,907
that separates you
from the other guys.
148
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,675
Mm-hmm.
149
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,084
Well, I've got the perfect thing
for you-- Drakkar Noir.
150
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,016
Drives the ladies wild.
151
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,391
Four dollars.
152
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,050
You can't sell that
in here.
153
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,658
Why not?
154
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,830
'Cause I'll break
your other arm.
155
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,864
Here, try this one.
156
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,065
(grunts)
157
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,370
Yeah. That's just
five dollars.
158
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,073
F...? What...? Five...?
159
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,974
(coughs)
160
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,976
Oh, oh, here come
your lady, young blood.
161
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,809
See you later, okay?
Okay.
162
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,684
(distant chatter)
163
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,723
(bell on door tinkles)
164
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,845
* Hey, lady...
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00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,957
Um, you're
Yvette, right?
166
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,430
I'm Chris.
167
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,859
Hi. What's that smell?
168
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,804
That's my cologne.
169
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,160
That's nice.
170
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,167
CHRIS:
Thanks.
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00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,698
Well, you know, I've seen
you around the block
172
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,465
and thought you
were kind of cute.
173
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,073
Thank you.
174
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,074
So, I was wondering if maybe
you can go out this weekend?
175
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,477
Go out?
176
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,079
Yeah, to the movies
or something.
177
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,411
You paying?
178
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:20,577
I've seen that look before.
179
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,124
It usually led to this.
180
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,579
(gun chamber cocking)
181
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:26,747
Wait. What do you want
to go and do this for? Why?
182
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,091
Okay.
183
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,792
I said this...
184
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,194
All right, then.
185
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,025
...but I felt like this.
186
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,632
(coughs)
187
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,541
CHRIS ROCK:
The toughest part
about getting a block watch
188
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,444
was finding people
who had stuff worth watching.
189
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,006
All right, now, the
most important part
190
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,553
of the Block
Watch program is
191
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,809
communication.
192
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:56,146
So if you see
anything, you have
193
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,153
to file a report.
194
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:02,085
Without information, not a
lot your local police can do.
195
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,832
Okay, well, what type
of information?
196
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,628
Like if you see somebody
stealing my couch, tell me.
197
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,062
(soft grunt)
Excuse me.
198
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,627
Translation--
"What you say, heifer?"
199
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,166
Excuse me? Excuse you.
Who are you?
200
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,871
Who are you?
Oh, girl,
that's Louise.
201
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,143
She just moved in next d...
I beg your pardon.
202
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,171
I'm sitting
right here.
203
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,536
I'm Louise.
204
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,084
I just moved in next door,
205
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,239
and this was my idea.
206
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,577
(scoffs)
207
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,523
By the way, in my
old neighborhood,
208
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:28,848
we didn't have
these problems.
209
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,052
She told her.
210
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:30,983
Where are you from?
211
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:31,988
Queens.
212
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,819
Oh, Queens.
Very lovely there.
213
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,724
Mm-hmm.
Do you know the Jacobsons?
214
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,486
The black Jacobs?
No the white ones.
215
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,655
The ones with
the restaurant?
216
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,962
Yeah.
I love that...
217
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,763
Excuse me, can we talk about
this neighborhood, Brooklyn?
218
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,996
POLICEMAN:
All right.
Touchy.
219
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,632
Now, what's
very important,
220
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,267
also, in the Block
Watch program is,
221
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,201
if you are away from your house
222
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,967
for any extended period
of time...
223
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,735
In Bed-Stuy, that's 12 minutes.
224
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,544
...you must alert
the other Block Watch members.
225
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,547
And they will watch
your property.
226
00:07:58,579 --> 00:07:59,179
POLICEMAN:
Correct.
227
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,210
Nicely done.
228
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,548
(laughs)
229
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,283
Like let's say
one of you is
230
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,547
on your way
to Florida...
231
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:06,686
Florida?
232
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,690
The closest my family came
to Florida was watching
233
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:09,962
Esther Rolle on Good Times.
234
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,190
(gasps):
Now I get it.
235
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,964
Then the rest of us
can watch out for their house.
236
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,864
I'll take the
night shift.
237
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,966
POLICEMAN:
All right. Another
very important part
238
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,569
of a Block Watch program is...
239
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,141
awareness, huh?
240
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,839
And that's why
241
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,071
you have these.
242
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:28,035
These are stickers, and these
are gonna go in your window.
243
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,775
These stickers will be seen
by the offenders,
244
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,781
and then they will be
less likely to offend.
245
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:34,984
You mean steal?
246
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,615
Correct. Nicely done.
247
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,590
Well, why she
get a button...?
248
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:41,188
Stickers? You think
that's gonna keep people
249
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:44,191
from coming into the house
and hitting me over the head,
250
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,564
'cause I got a sticker
in the window?
251
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,164
(sighs):
If she wasn't so damn evil,
252
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,825
nobody would be trying
to hit her over the head.
253
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,074
Excuse me?
254
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,869
You're excused.
255
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,901
POLICEMAN:
All right, now,
you need to elect
256
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,136
a Block Watch captain.
257
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,210
Okay. All right.
258
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,169
(laughs)
259
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,707
I think I should be the
Block Watch captain.
260
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:03,743
And why is that?
261
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:04,877
Well, because I'm the only one
262
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,282
on the block who
doesn't need watching.
263
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,953
No. It was my husband's truck
that got stolen.
264
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,221
Yes, well, if
you had done
265
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,319
what I asked you to do, which
was start the neighborhood...
266
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,662
See, the problem is, you're new
to the neighborhood, okay?
All right, okay...
267
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,158
So, I don't know
how they do it in Queens...
268
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,930
You're just serving...
but we do it in...
269
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,359
Whoa, ladies,
ladies, ladies,
270
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,363
ladies, ladies,
ladies, ladies...
271
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,695
Mm-hmm.
272
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,231
Let's put it to a vote.
273
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,095
Please.
POLICEMAN:
Okay.
274
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:28,244
Who made the pie?
I did.
275
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,738
I nominate Rochelle to be
the first Block Watch captain.
276
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:34,141
Uh-uh, no. You cannot nominate
because she made some pie.
277
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,014
It's some good pie.
278
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:35,882
Shut up.
279
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,979
All right, all in favor?
You like my pie?
280
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,011
ALL EXCEPT LOUISE:
Aye.
The ayes have it.
281
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,077
I came up
with this idea.
282
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:47,086
I don't see why I am not
the Block Watch captain.
283
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,020
Because we voted,
and the pie lady won.
Okay, fine.
284
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,957
Now when you all come
home to your apartments,
285
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,193
and there's nothing there
286
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,327
except a pie, we all
know who to talk to--
287
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,803
the Block Watch
captain, and we'll say,
288
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,302
"Where were you,
Block Watch Captain?"
289
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,043
She'll say, "I've
been making pie."
290
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:02,999
I do not talk like that.
291
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,866
Okay, okay,
any questions, any questions?
292
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,066
I have one.
293
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,077
So, what type of places
294
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,278
would you consider
to be the most vulnerable?
295
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,280
Like, say an offender
was gonna break into
somebody's house.
296
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,083
Who would be
the best victim?
297
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,275
That's a very good question.
298
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,276
No, it's not.
299
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,847
You just break into a house
where nobody's home.
300
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:20,817
That's right.
301
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,064
Cool.
302
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,659
I got to go.
303
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,361
(clears his throat)
304
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,632
(mumbles):
Oh!
305
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,860
With a four second head start,
Jerome stole four stereos.
306
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,767
My mother wasn't the only one
helping out the community.
307
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,370
At school, Drew volunteered
to be a Patrol Boy,
308
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,012
which is just a fancy name
for crossing guard.
309
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,368
Okay, go.
310
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,677
Hey, Drew, can you
help me cross?
311
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:46,983
Sure.
312
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,154
Thanks, Drew.
313
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,791
If this had been me,
here's how it would have gone.
314
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,464
Because I was going on a date
for the first time,
315
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,689
everyone had
a helpful suggestion.
316
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,326
Be sure to compliment her
on her shoes.
317
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160
Girls like that.
Shoes, right.
318
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,355
Tell her you got a job.
Girls like that more.
319
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,597
Job, I got it.
320
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,242
And hold a piece of gum under
your tongue and let it soak
321
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,438
so your breath won't stink.
322
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,009
Okay, gum.
323
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,239
Oh, yeah, and if the movie
is sad, don't cry.
324
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,284
She'll think you're a punk.
325
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,408
It's Footloose.
326
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,213
I ain't gonna cry.
327
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,145
Oh, baby, have a good time.
328
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,480
But not too good a time,
329
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,384
'cause you know I'm not raising
no babies.
330
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:27,086
Enjoy yourself.
331
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,720
This is half off on a soda
and box of Jujubes.
332
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,258
Thanks.
333
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,162
Oh, what the hell.
334
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,434
Here's a coupon
for a free box of popcorn.
335
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:40,774
The last time my father
gave man an extra coupon
336
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:41,871
was when I gave him
337
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:45,272
a get-one coupon,
get-one-coupon-free coupon.
338
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,435
Have a good time.
339
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,443
You look good, man.
340
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,284
That's my boy.
341
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,039
Standing there waiting
for Yvette
342
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,178
was one of the best feelings
I'd had.
343
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,353
But after 15 minutes,
344
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,822
I thought, "Maybe the buses
are running late."
345
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:04,021
After 30 minutes, I thought,
"Maybe the bus broke down."
346
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,457
After an hour, I thought,
347
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,232
"Maybe the bus got
in an accident,
348
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,060
"skidded through the guardrail,
exploded in midair,
349
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,197
and ended up at the bottom
of the East River."
350
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,843
After the movie was over,
351
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:18,808
I thought, "Maybe she never got
on that bus at all."
352
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,939
To this day, I can't make it
through Footloose
353
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,144
without crying.
354
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,454
That's a bummer, man.
355
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,951
Did she say
what happened?
356
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,253
I haven't heard
from her.
357
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,954
Why do girls
do junk like that?
358
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,286
I don't know
what to tell you.
359
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,261
Greg and I had the same
conversation last night
360
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,160
and he still didn't know
what to tell me.
361
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,132
That sucks.
362
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,431
Man, I don't know
how you made it
to school today.
363
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,903
Stood up, out there
on the street,
364
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:46,973
talk about embarrassing.
365
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,500
If I were you,
I'd be so depressed,
366
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,435
I'd be standing on top
of the Brooklyn Bridge
367
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,410
with a hundred pounds of
rocks tied around my ankles
368
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,169
and a bag of rats
wrapped around my head,
369
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,237
ready to jump...
370
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,335
Okay, I get it.
371
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,247
Forget about it, man.
372
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,178
You're a nice guy.
373
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,312
Aren't you the same one
374
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,977
who called me
a little black bum?
375
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,845
Like I said,
I was improvising.
376
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,445
If it makes you
feel any better,
I would have shown up.
377
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,117
That didn't mean anything.
378
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,316
Greg once showed up at
a sneaker-string taste test.
379
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:14,388
(laughing)
380
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,057
Uh-huh. Hey!
381
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,156
I'm watching you!
382
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,997
Because my mother
was the Block Watch captain,
383
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,973
if anything happened
in the neighborhood,
384
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,802
Miss Louise made sure
she heard about it.
385
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,013
They're spraying graffiti
downstairs.
386
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,511
I'll file a report.
387
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,542
There's a mad dog chasing
people!
388
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,208
I'll file a report.
389
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,976
Somebody stole my mail.
390
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,475
I'll file a report.
391
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,386
I can't find my glasses.
392
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,018
I'll file a report.
393
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,863
Larry and them coming.
394
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,019
I'll file a report.
395
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,057
Being stood up was bad enough,
396
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,563
so I didn't want
to tell anybody.
397
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:51,434
Hey.
398
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,574
Listen, you ever hear
of Whodini?
399
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,300
Ecstasy and Jalil? Yeah.
400
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,565
Yeah, I got a couple of tickets.
401
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,874
I thought the show
was about the magician.
402
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:01,938
You want 'em?
403
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,575
Yeah.
404
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,980
Maybe you can take your girl.
405
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,252
I don't think so.
406
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,109
Why not?
407
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,177
She stood me up.
408
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:11,045
I was standing outside
the theater for two hours
409
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,024
and she never showed up.
410
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,992
What? You gonna let her
treat you that way
411
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:14,991
and get away with it?
412
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,392
Listen, if I was you,
I'd go find that girl,
413
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,334
take her by the hair
and shake her
414
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,159
like an Etch-A-Sketch.
415
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,464
Doc lives alone.
416
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,325
She does owe me an explanation.
417
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,534
Now you're talking.
418
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:28,065
Well, here's your chance.
419
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,441
Hey, Chris.
420
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,970
Oh, hey, what happened
to you yesterday?
421
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,637
That's right. We were supposed
to go see Footloose.
422
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,606
I totally forgot.
423
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,675
I didn't know it then,
but, for years to come,
424
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,623
I dated an awful lot
of women with amnesia.
425
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,049
Oh, that's right.
426
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,915
We're supposed
to go to the prom together.
427
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,424
I totally forgot.
428
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:49,655
That's right.
429
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,619
We wer supposed to do something
for your birthday.
430
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,228
Totally forgot.
431
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,330
Oh, that's right.
432
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,631
I was supposed to give you
a kidney.
433
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,562
Boy, I forgot all about you.
434
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,267
Until I got famous,
435
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,599
I never met a woman
that could remember anything.
436
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,344
So maybe we can
go Saturday.
437
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,141
Mm, this Saturday?
438
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,183
I can't.
I have a piano lesson.
439
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,308
Are you free Sunday?
440
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,682
I have to go clean house.
441
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:14,150
Too bad. I got these
Whodini tickets
442
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:15,651
for Sunday afternoon
at the park.
443
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,252
For real?
444
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,494
Yeah, right here.
445
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:20,489
You know what?
446
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,620
Maybe I can go.
447
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:26,025
So I'll see you Sunday then?
448
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,489
All right.
449
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,297
Sunday.
450
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,433
Mm-mm.
451
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,667
What?
452
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,112
That girl is not interested
in you.
453
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,268
She's interested
in your tickets.
454
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,344
Think so?
455
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,275
She's an opportunist.
456
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,680
She goes with whoever
has the best deal.
457
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,453
She only agreed
to go out with you
458
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,151
because she didn't have
anything better to do.
459
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:53,053
That's how I ended up
married for three years.
460
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,016
I don't Yvette's like that.
461
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,385
Want to make a bet?
462
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:01,389
While I was trying
to get a girl's attention,
463
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:04,158
girls were trying to get
Drew's attention.
464
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,567
I feel so safe
with you here.
465
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:06,368
Thanks.
466
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,569
Drew,
467
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,670
this is all for you.
468
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,073
What are you doing?
469
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,265
(horn blaring)
470
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:13,666
Drew.
471
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,436
Drew.
472
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,735
Oh, man!
473
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,546
(horns blaring)
474
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,348
Drew's corner was crawling
with more girls
475
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,510
than Usher's garbage can.
476
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,078
I didn't want to believe Doc
was right about Yvette,
477
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,087
so I decided to see for myself.
478
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,459
Hey, Yvette. Yeah, it's Chris.
479
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,288
Hi.
480
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,132
Listen, about those tickets,
yeah.
481
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,359
I found out they were fake.
482
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,533
For real?
483
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,261
Mm...
But you know, we can still
go out to a movie.
484
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,067
Yeah, I found out
there's this new movie...
485
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,069
(dial tone)
486
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,200
Hello? Hello?
487
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:50,779
(three tones)
488
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,710
The number you have reached
has been disconnected.
489
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,516
Hmm, maybe a bus crashed
into her phone.
490
00:16:57,550 --> 00:17:00,190
Rochelle.
491
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,220
Yes, Louise.
492
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,094
I need stickers.
What?
493
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,093
Stickers. I've been up
and down this block.
494
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,326
I've looked in every window
and there are no stickers.
495
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,061
How do we expect offenders
not to offend
496
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,468
if there are no stickers?
497
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,599
I'll get you
some stickers, Louise.
498
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,444
Thank you.
499
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,468
Whoa, whoa, baby,
500
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,143
that's nine cent
worth of tape.
501
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,342
Hi, Julius.
502
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,244
So sorry about your truck.
503
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,506
I can't believe they stole it
right off the street.
504
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,645
It was right here.
505
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:30,219
Right here?
506
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,220
Right here.
507
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,721
Next to the fire hydrant?
508
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,785
Oh.
509
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,459
They must have
just put that there.
510
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,734
Well, it probably
wouldn't have happened
511
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,203
if it had had
a sticker on it.
512
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,671
I like her.
513
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,214
What?
514
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,610
Matches...
515
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,512
Hey, Chris.
516
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,414
Hey, can I talk
to your for a minute?
517
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,446
I hope she doesn't have
something better to do.
518
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,153
What?
519
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,345
How come you
didn't tell me
520
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,686
you just didn't want
to go out with me
521
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,790
instead of dissing
me like that?
522
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,421
Like what?
523
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,817
Like leaving me
out in front
524
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,358
of the movie theater
like a fool.
525
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,503
Like saying you want
to go with me to go see
526
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,828
Whodini then hanging up
in my face?
527
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,303
You said the tickets
were fake.
528
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,401
I thought
you were going
529
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,372
because you wanted
to go out with me.
530
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:24,171
Why'd you even agree
to go out with me
in the first place?
531
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,844
Because I didn't have
anything better to do.
532
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,542
Why didn't you
say that?
533
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,284
I was trying
not to hurt your feelings.
534
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,250
Well, you know,
you really suck at that.
535
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,209
Well, what do you
want me to do?
536
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:40,523
You know what?
Nothing.
537
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,223
I asked Yvette out
after I got famous.
538
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,185
She stood me up and went out
with Chris Tucker.
539
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,394
You handled that like a man,
Chris.
540
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,857
You still got those tickets?
541
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,556
Yeah. Why?
542
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:55,838
I got this young honey
on the line and she loves rap.
543
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,208
Have fun.
544
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,208
You know I will.
545
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,941
Man, the first time I asked
a girl to go out with me
546
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,676
and this happens.
547
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,282
Hey, at least it ended
better than this.
548
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,794
After a week of being captain
of the Block Watch,
549
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,260
my mother was going down
with the ship.
550
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,619
I heard a noise in my house.
551
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,727
I heard a noise
in my house, too,
552
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,389
and it's you
at my damn door!
553
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:24,228
Well, you are
the Block Watch captain.
554
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,334
No, no, I'm not. You win!
You win!
555
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,497
Here, here, you want to be
the Block Watch captain,
556
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,636
be the Block Watch captain.
557
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,671
Well, only if you're
absolutely sure.
558
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,776
(frustrated yell)
559
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:41,378
Here's the rest of the piece
of the pie!
560
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,854
All right, we gonna see
who's watching the block now.
561
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,423
What are you doing?
562
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:49,323
I'm quitting the Patrol Boys.
563
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,386
Why?
564
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,993
Girls are crazy.
565
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,264
No truer words
have ever been spoken.
566
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,695
After getting put down
by Keisha
567
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,000
and stood up by Yvette,
568
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,771
I was through having crushes
on girls in the neighborhood,
569
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,641
and I meant it.
570
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,970
Oh, hi. You must be Chris.
571
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,635
Uh, scratch that.
572
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,944
Hey. Who are you?
573
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,676
I'm Tasha.
574
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,853
Stay away from my granddaughter,
you cockeyed hooligan.
575
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,423
Turns out older women
didn't like me either.
576
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:23,693
* Everybody hates Chris.
577
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:27,433
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
578
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,596
* Oh... make it funky now.
37601
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