Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

People say that all women want to be princesses

Have they seen a real princess before?

I am a princess

My father is of course, the Emperor

Even though we live under the same roof

But the roof of the palace is a huge one

We can only see each other twice a year

The first occasion is National Day

And the second is the Emperor's birthday

Which is today

Mistress Feng's Princess Ping

My little Ping

I wish Father a long life with countless blessings

Good

Thank you Father

Mistress Lan's Princess Xiu

Little Xiu

I wish Father an ageless life with many happy returns

Mistress Yu's Princess Yuan

I wish Father...

Good

I wish Father good health with vigorous spirit

Good

Thank you Father

Mistress Feng's Princess Gui

Wishing Father a happy birthday

Mistress Zhen's Princess Xiang

Good, good

I wish Father gains a son in old age

Mistress Ann's Princess Hua

Mistress Twin's Princess Faye

I'm Princess Gou

Ouch!

Happy Birthday Father

How about this one who dive in?

Princess Yan

Little Yan

That trick is called "Flat out like a Lizard"

I devised it specially for your birthday

Flat out like a Lizard

How creative of you

I'm very pleased

This is the only one left

It's beautiful

Thank you Father

As a princess

Her daily routine is to eat, play and sleep

When she reach the age of marriage

She has to receive Sir Yang's special training

This year, 11 sisters are in class with me

Sex is necessary for humankind

And is the best way to retain a good relationship

Today I am going to teach you the 3rd skill in bed

"Playing Hard to Get"

Pay attention and follow what we do

Your body must be light

Your waist must be flexible

Pretending to be sick

And show signs of weakness

sigh in a sexy way

Spin back

And sigh in a sexy way

Ah

Ah

If you are to marry, this class is compulsory

When in Rome, do as Romans do

If you meet a westerner, say I love you

His jaw will drop and so will his pants

If you're in Japan, you'll feel right at home

Because they all write in Chinese

Wear your kimono

Take a bow and says Good Morning

If you end up in barbarous Europe

They won't know a word of Chinese

Greet him with Bon apptit before eating

Ans the French will get in a fit

Bring it back now

I hereby grant you, Cheng Qian, son of General Cheng Feng

The title General of Loyalty

Thank you Emperor

My father sacrifice his life for the country

I shall follow his path

And devote myself for the nation and the Emperor

When will I have the honor to fight for you, Emperor?

It's peace time now

Why don't you retreat to the gills and do some farm work?

When we need you

You will be the first on the call list

Please raise General

Your mother has been widowed for 20 years

To reward her for her fidelity

I have decided to grant her a gift as compliment

Wow this really does suit her

Son

I still don't get it

Why on earth the Emperor grants me this?

Compensate for your shortcomings

Shouldn't it describe your father

Who helped the Emperor protect His land?

I think He wanted to praise you for protecting a piece of land

Which is way smaller than the one father had protected

Peace is beneficial to everyone

But to a keen young man, it's a waste of his talents

Even though I've been made a general

But I will fight against crime whenever I can

Out of my way or I will put you in jail

I can accuse you a few more offences

Li, as a police sergeant

You've been taking advantage of your powers

Just last month

You robbed 30 pieces of land and took 12 girls by force

Covered up for those filthy businessmen and released the prisoners

You even peed on the street 47 times

For the sake of people, I must arrest you today!

The General's plaque from the Emperor?

So the General wants to do the God's duty huh?

Come General

Strike me with that great sword of yours

Where's your guts?

Just scrape me a little

Ouch! I got it!

The pain enlightened me

Thank you General for the lesson

I shall reflect on my wrong doings in the past

I must do that

Did you all realize the bad deeds you've done?

Yeah all of a sudden we did

Then off you go get a room at the hotel

And find a woman to reflect opon

Yes

Maintaining social order isn't something you can do overnight

Let's call it a day

And go to the Peach Blossom Festival for a drink and relax

Awesome! I've been waiting for this

That's why we are here today

Let's go drinking

Let's go

A light body

And a flexible waist

A twist to the side and fall into his arms

Be careful!

Ouch!

Why all this practice?

When we're only practising among girls?

It's not like we're going to practise with Sir Yang and Sir Zhang

They're not even proper men

What should we do?

It's no use just sitting here

I need a man

Who else here doesn't need a man?

A pricness shouldn't be so loose

Even if you were, lower your voice

Ah I need a man

You are all desperate for men?

Yes!

I know a place where we can see many of them

Where?

The lanterns are so pretty

- Hey have you been to that hotel? - It's alright

Awesome!

Cute guys

Hey... hold it

We need to pretend not to look at them

And enjoy of being checked out by guys

Let them stew in disappointment of being ignored

You're right

Hey stop looking

At your position of north-northwest

They're pretty yet already being occupied

I'm a man

We're men and we're doing fine

Those two guys are like kids

Just like you

Here comes the highlight...

of the Peach Blossom Festival

Also the host's favorite game

Speed-Fate-ing

If you're feeling lonely

And within that loneliness you're all alone

Then this game is for you

In a moment

Each pair of singles will get to know each other

In the time this hourglass takes to empty out

When I hit the gong

All the gentlemen should move one seat to the left

And get to know the next lady

And so on

Remember in Speed-Fate-ing we believe in Fate

And Speed

Damn I shouldn't have dressed up as a man

Loser

Let's get started

Move seats

You look familiar

You can recognise me through this veil?

Mother! You...

Yes it's me...

Alright

Look if you're a filial son

Give your mother a chance

Look around you

I'm just want to have fun

It that okay?

This one's not for me

Off you go now

I'm a humble girl without bad habits

But I do like getting my hair washed by the river stream

And you sir?

A man as rakish likes me... and most of all, randy

Why don't you lower your veil miss

And allow me to enjoy your tenderness

Oh but wait

I can't. I might be shy

But I do like men who is randy

Excellent

A woman who treasures their appearance so much

Must be a beauty

Let me help you

No please don't

Wait sir

Let's chat first I just want one touch

You skin is soft indeed

And your hand too

Smooth as a shelled egg

How dare you molest a woman in public?

Mind your own business

I'll touch her as I please

Asshole

You...

How dare you hit my royal...

- What? - Call them

Call them

You're in deep trouble now

- Let's go - What's happening?

Just leave!

What took you so long?

Your Highnesses

Where are you? They've all gone now!

- Go after them! - Yes!

Quick!

My dear Emperor

My King would like to show

his respect for your culture

By sending gifts along with our marriage proposal

In hope that you will agree to it

Since the King of the West has come in good faith

I will honor this by selecting a princess myself

To become the queen of your country

May all princesses enter

Father

Good

- Emperor I have made a selection - Good

This princess here

Good taste

I should remind you

I don't do returns once a princess leaves the palace

You have a 7-day period to think about it

Thank you Emperor

When you arrive in the West you must serve your Lord well

And not ever embarrass your country

Yes Father

I won't let you down

Good

But where is the West?

Sir Yang

This is ther globe and China is here

Korea and Japan

And the West is...

Here

Where?

The exact location is in Far Far Away

Far Far Away?

Little Yan, congratulations on becoming Queen Far Far Away

Don't worry, we will be with you.

The Emperor's word is being delivered

On behalf of the Emperor

Princess Yan is bound for a long journey to the West

In order to protect her

And complete the mission in time

General Cheng will act as her guard in the quest

Thank you Emperor

You've never left Beijing in your life

I'm quite worried about you

How about I come with you?

No way

You don't have to worry about me

Because I'm part of

The Chan family Tiger and Panther

Madam, General

Why are you overweight?

The more you eat and the healthier you'll be

Where's Jacky?

Madam you see

We can't afford Jackie Chan on our budget

With me Tiger

And my great strategies we'll do just fine

In other words, you're no good at fighting

This piece of Jade is our family's heirloom

Your father carried it with him through his myriad battles

Bring it with you it will bring you luck and blessings

Without you I'll be really lonely

Please don't be lonely, Mother

Remember the words from the Emperor

Every woman has shortcomings they need to compensate for

Princess, everything is ready

Little Yan, you look beautiful in your wedding gown

After you leave today

Who knows when we will be able to meet again

Pick your dowry. I'll promise you anything

Just tell me

You have so many daughters who are as fine as pearls

I just want to be Father's most special pearl

Thank you Father

As a princess I will accept my fate

Fate looks down on those who give in

I wish you happiness forever

Queen Far Far Away is here!

My little Yan is getting married!

Set off

We should be able to rest after passing the pasture

Yes General

- Fuchsia, bring the General to me - Yes

The Princess wants to see the General

Alright

I'm Tiger

Fuchsia

- General, the Princess requests your presence - Okay

Your Highness

General, have we met before?

No

Why don't you take a good look?

Just in case you lose me later on

It's easier to find me

Fair enough

So do I look familiar?

I seem to know you but again not really

Come closer to get a better look

Look familiar yet?

Do you recall?

Still no idea?

You better listen carefully

I'm the one who flirt with your mum at the Peach Blossom Festival

That pervert you slapped

You still don't recall?

Yes! I remember!

I can put you into death penalty

Shouldn't you be thankful?

Thank you, Your Highness

Out of my sight

What are you looking at?

Nothing We didn't see a thing

Yes, nothing happened

I'm so bored, why aren't we leaving?

Hey why aren't we leaving?

I order you to set off immediately!

The Princess orders you to set off!

Not moving? Fine you are all to be beheaded

You! Chop his head off!

And you! Chop his head off too!

The Princess just wants everyone to listen to her right?

You better show your respect to the Princess!

As soldiers we only take military commands

Everyone shall leave except the Princess's cart

Regroup!

Your Highness, I have my powers as General too

Draw the blinds

General, that's so cool!

I'm mad!

I can see everyone is full and happy

How about a game?

- Shall we? - Yeah!

Yeah...

Your Highness

Forget about formalities. Ourjourney is long

We can all have some fun together

We shall oblige as the Princess wishes

But our games can get too rowdy for Your Highness

So?

You'd be surprised how rowdy I can get

Just to be clear, what's in the game stays in the game

Sure, let's get started

Yeah!

It's simple

Whoever picks up the straw that says"Emperor"

Can ask peoke here to do whatever he likes

- Okay? - Yup

Hare dare you imitate the Emperor?

We had a deal. What's in the game stays in the game

Fine then I quit

Hey...

It's just a game. Let's start

Haha... l'm the Emperor!

I shall command...

I command A and H to exchange clothing

A and H to exchange clothing. Ah...

It's you?

I don't want to swap with that fat boy

Fat boy? He's obviously an old fat man

You call me an old fat man?

Come with me

Swap clothes!

I feel like I can dance now

Stop it! You look gross!

I got the"Emperor' straw!

Give me some ice

Your Highness

I want the one who drew I and D

To put this ice between their cheeks until it melts

It's you?

I'm going to melt

Yeah right, enjoy it

He got lucky

Being"Emperor" is no fun

The ones who get to play have more fun

Can't sleep, Your Highness?

Looks like you had a nightmare

Can't you sleep either General?

Talk with me

Is this the pearl from the Emperor's crown?

It was the dowry Father gave me

I can remember his face by looking at the pearl

What about you General?

Did you receive any heirlooms

From your family?

My mother gave me this piece of Jade

I wonder how she's doing

She'll be fine

Would you mind if I took a closer look?

Not at all

Well yet it's my family's heirloom after all, please take care

I'm always careful

The Jade is so pretty, General

Yes indeed Do be careful

The moonlight reflects its transparency

It had been with my father through countless battles

If I lost it by accident, do you think it'd be easy to find?

If I offended Your Highness in any way earlier

Please... please forgive me

Oh no! No!

I didn't mean it, General!

You did it on purpose

No I didn't!

Now I'll sleep tight

When will we set off today?

But I heard that the General is missing

Really? The General is missing?

General

Good morning General Cheng

You were gone the entire night

If anything goes wrong with my royal self

You'll be a dead man

Oh!

You didn't lose it. Give it back

What? What are you trying to do?

You...

What did you say?

You always stop short before you're done

I doubt it if you can protect me in this journey

I wish I'm in Far Far Away now

Are you sure, Your Highness?

As fast as you can go

Alright

Set off

Ridiculous

Do they even know how to drive?

Your Highness

Can we rest here for a while?

The Princess has fallen ill

How are you feeling?

It is General Cheng, Your Highness

Tell him to come in

General, please enter

I was informed that your Highness had fallen ill

Here's my family prescription made especially for car sickness

I'm telling you

If I die in a foreign land

You'd better count

How many relatives you have

Because I'll have them pretty much all beheaded

We've both tricked each other

Drink this up and let's call it a draw

You have to feed me

Why are you blocking your face?

Do you think I'll spit at you?

No

You think I'm the kind of woman

Who is incapable of forgiveness?

Never crossed my mind

I'm telling you

I'm such a woman with grudges

I just love taking revenges!

You feel better now, Your Highness?

Better in which way?

Both car sickness and emotionally

Whatever

I will take my leave

I feel a bit better

Still a little dizzy but definitely feeling better

But I think

Your medicine doesn't work as well as you

Then I will apply myself in healing Your Highness

Oh I'm dizzy again

A different kind of dizziness, right?

The General's plaque is as good as the General in flesh

From now on

We don't need to rush full speed ahead

We will travel as slowly as possible

And enjoy the journey

Is that clear?

Yes

Who stole my clothes?

How dare you?

Lmpersonating the General. Get him! Yes

Who dares to remove my clothes?

Can't even take a joke

I know Your Highness has a hobby of cross-dressing

You may wear my clothes

But please return the plaque

It's just a stupid plaque anyway

General Cheng, receive the plaque with both hands

Protect the General! Yes

Good job Tiger

Thank you General

Leave...

You can have your clothes back

Front... Back...

You lost

Are you ready?

Yes

1, 2, 3, Marco Polo

1, 2, 3, Marco Polo

1, 2, 3, Marco Polo

1, 2, 3, Marco Polo

I won! When did you get here?

What are you doing?

Aren't you a princess?

Be honest with me, have you ever been ridden?

This is the first time

I've ridden plenty of eunuchs but you're the first General

Since it's our first time

Why don't you be my little horse then?

Go!

Faster!

Stay still, Your Highness

But I'm riding a horse

I heard there are stars that fly past in the blink of an eye

They're called shooting stars

If you make a wish before it disappears

That wish will come true

- Really? - Yeah

Look! A shooting star!

I want youth and beauty forever

I want to be happy and gain without pain

I wish to find someone who will love me all my life

I want world peace

But the world is at peace

Really?

You didn't say a thing, what did you wish for?

What did you wish for, Your Highness?

I'd have said it if I can

Yeah right

Wow there's a cluster of them

"Meanwhile in Far Far Away, there's a King who loves hunting"

Shot!

When await turns into hope

Love is all around

It comes even earlier than I expect

What's in this world is more important...

Shot!

I'm serious, Your Highness

When will you give the Jade back?

It's mine now

I am a princess, do I need your permission for anything?

Please stop talking, Your Highness and General

I can't paint in this way

General, I got a smart idea

I have thought of a way to get the Jade back

We can send a few soldiers to disguise as bandits

And pretend to attack us

The Princess must freak out when she sees this

By that time, what you have to do

Is to show up and save the beauty

She sure will thank you

And return the Jade to you

That shall work

But cheating the Princess is...

What?

It is a fatal crime

So why are you suggesting it?

Well... we are bored here

I'm just trying to say something

Think of something else then

It's too late

You know, Panther is too hasty

He has already put my words into action

Why don't you tell me earlier?

Such beautiful flowers! What kind are they?

Ah!

Shut up! Shut up!

Give us all your valuables

Otherwise I'll...

Help! Guards! Be quite! I told you not to shout!

Apologies for the tardiness, Princess

I'm here for you, Your Highness

Why are you winking? Do you have a twitch?

- Be serious - Careful General

Your Highness, you must... keep the Jade and Pearl safe!

Brothers! She got the Jade and the Pearl!

Yes!

We have to be that serious?

More?

- Are you for real? - Do I look like a fake?

General

Leopard, who are those people?

Real bandits, protect the Princess!

Don't be afraid, Your Highness

I can't tell who's who in this mess

Whoever's with me, come with me

Stay here if you're not with me

Stay!

General

I thought you left ages ago. What's keeping you?

I need some time for costume and make up

What? They are fake bandits?

Listen to me, Your Highness

General, you're bleeding at the back

Oh blood

General

I brought you some medicine

And I got something to say

She knew I'm just trying to play Prince Charming

Yet she brought me medicine by herself

Has she already fallen in love with me?

He must think I've fall in love with him

Actually it's the other way round

Just then...

You're injured, have a good rest

Let me help you with the wound

Thank you, Your Highness

Does it hurt a lot?

Damn it, I just want to take a piss

Let me put more on, it's a deep wound

Shu...

you're shushing too loud

The Princess is helping General with his wound

What's the Princess doing?

Stop looking... lt hurts!

Is it too tight?

Turn around

It's done

It hurts my eyes

Princess...

Don't...

I never know bandaging could be so tiring

Thanks for the medicine, Your Highness, I'm better now

You're just acting tough

Seriously, I can do push-ups

Look

Are you sure?

- Looks like the Princess is getting hurt now - Yeah

I can do it faster too

Is that how you can get better?

That's a hard move

What did you want to ask me earlier?

Well...

It seems like you had something to ask me too?

No, what?

Nothing

What?

What nothing?

Nothing

- What? - What?

Why are you all here?

General, Your Highness, we won't whisper a word

About what you were doing!

Nothing happened yet!

Whoever dares to utter a word

- I'll have his whole family killed! - Yes!

I'm San Niang

A nicer description of my job is Tribe Leader

To be frank, I'm just a thief

Now I'm listening to my boys' crappy explanations

As to why the operation failed today

- And so just like that... we failed - We failed

Ava, Tar, what exactly were you saying

In that long speech of yours?

If it wasn't the other unruly bandits

Who cuts in half way

I'm sure we could have captured that princess

How do you know she is a princess?

A man suddenly shot out of nowhere

Ans wrapped his arms around the girl

He said to her

"Be careful Your Highness, and don't be afraid"

One more thing, we almost killed the General

How do you know he is the General?

While we attacked

The Princess was like

"Oh please be careful General..."

And we found that they had

Some kind ofjade and pearl with them

Those must be treasures

How do you know the treasures were jade and pearl?

- Have you seen them? - Not with our own eyes

But that the General said

"The Jade and the Pearl are really precious"

"Take good care of them"

Just like that

Perfect.

As they're camping at the foot of the hill

Go fetch me a huge boulder

We'll throw it down

Crush them and catch them off guard

Then the Jade and the Pearl will be mine

Hahaha...

Wait

The bride and the groom may take their bows

Ouch!

It must be real hurt

Okay it's done

Next, you guys should have fun in bed

I agree

General, let me help you

With this strenuous task

I don't want you

She doesn't want me

That's it for tonight, let's call it a day

Why's that?

We're having such a good time

If we keep playing like this there's no turning back

It's you who said what's in the game stays in the game

And now you quit playing

How can you switch back and forth like that?

Women are like that

Anyway, I'm not playing

I won't allow that

You're ruining my dress

I'm telling you

You and I

Are no longer playing a game

But what if anyone finds out

About what we did

We'd be defying our families and the heavens

I don't give a damn about impudence or not loyal

Let's exchange our tokens of love

Defying the heavens

Defying our families

Run...

What's happening?

Attack!

Attack...

General, those are real bandits!

Take the Princess away

Chief, those two are the Princess and the General

Let's elope in this chaos

No one will know if you take me away

I don't want to be Lady Far Far Away

Your Highness

Yan

Get out of the way

Where are the Jade and the Pearl?

He won't say

Beat him up, Ava

Still so tight-lipped?

It's because you didn't even hit him, idiot!

Really?

Tar

Let me do it

Get a taste of this!

I can't believe you're this tight-lipped and thick-skinned

What a pair of dumbass!

One can't see close up

And the other can't see from afar

Of course he won't tell a thing

Tell you what, unlike them

My eyes are fine

You don't know where the Jade and the Pearl are?

How about the Pearl and the Jade?

You think I'm kidding?

Get me a knife!

Do you know what's special about this knife?

It makes a clean cut

One strike and your head will fall off with a clean drop

Hit the ground and bounce to the side of your body

You'll regret it when you see your headless self

Why didn'r you tell me earlier?

What the heck

Sending letters like this every day...

Is he a psycho or what?

Why can't he come straight to me?

Chief, it might be a love letter

Yeah I'm sure that Bangit Wingold

Has a crush on you

Really? He does?

Hey, it's a letter to declare war

It's a love letter

It says"Declaration of War"

Are you all illiterate?

I thought it's a diagram or something

Is it sent to the wrong place? What's inside?

It says...

You've been ignored my warning of surrender

I now declare war on the 15th of this month

On the day I will have San Niang

San Niang what?

It says he wants to ravage San Niang

Ravage me?

- Ravage our Chief? - He's looking to be killed

Quiet

It's all your fault, none of you weridos can read

Now we're in this mess

Think of something

And see if we can win this battle

Would you two mind helping me up?

Alright

Looking at the lay of land here, it's hopeless

You're surrounded by trees

If they choose to use fire weapons

Then you'll all dead

I believe you should attack rather than defend

I don't quite get it, but carry on

If you believe in me, Chief

I'll use all I know to help you

So that you're left untouched

You're afraid I'll be ravaged?

Yes, and I'm more afraid of losing the Princess

So if I help you this time

I hope you can promise

To let me go look for the Princess

Sure, you can do whatever you like if we win this battle

I'm San Niang

I'm Cheng Qian

Cheng Qian, I'm impressed

Yet before we succeed

Don't ever think I'm going to let you go

Put him back to the cell

Yes, this way please

Here's your declaration

This way please

I, Ling

Am a talented storyteller

I guess I'm too talented, that's why I have no luck

I haven't done well in either business or love

My life is worthless

There is nothing left for me

I decide to give my life a dramatic ending

Goodbye my life

The gods are jealous of genius like me

What's going on?

Help!

I'm drowning!

Do you have common sense?

I'm about to hang myself, why you still pull the rope?

Stop laughing!

I get it

Dear God, you just won't let me die so soon, right?

I'll take your silence as affirmation

We'll fight it out another day

What are you trying to do?

You won't let me die and now won't even leave me alone

Stop following me!

I... I want to ask you who I am

How am I supposed to know? We've just met

Just stand there and don't move

The police will patrol around here soon

Stand still

Don't follow me...

Hey

Who am I?

What's wrong with you?

I need to show her

My true colours

You want to tell me that you will show me your true colours?

Damn it. She knows my thoughts

I will let you see my vicious side

Who am I?

Why am I even paying attention to her?

It's raining like cats and dogs outside

A girl is all alone in flimsy clothes

That will be soaked in a second

Should the wind blows

She will be left cold and shivering

And feel lost in the world

She'd rather be dead. Hahaha...

First thing first

You won't be freeloading here

It just so happens that I need an assistant

You can come work for me

But who exactly am I?

Why are you still asking me this?

Because I really want to know

I used to have a doggie called Lucky

She died because she's trying to protect me from a pig

Let's call you Lucky then

Hopefully you can bring me luck

If I'm Lucky, then who are you?

Finally you're asking me

Me, Ling, a renowned storyteller in town

At this point, she will surely ask

Why?

Good question

Let me tell you

The man right in front of you

Is a wordly and knowledgeable genius

With his terrific oratory skills, he's renowned in storytelling circles

He is loved by all

And admired by many

Thank you, oh it's you again

Thank you so much

Who are you shaking hands with?

Ignorant fool. As a performer

One must always maintain his performing state of mind

You can't let yourself go for even a second

Always remember there is audience before you

That's how you train yourself up

As my assistant

You must learn this too, got it?

Off to work now

Lucky, state of mind!

What state of mind?

Performance state of mind!

The story of Yangtze River, Episode 109

Last time, we talked about crossing the turbulent Yangtze waters

Passing deep gorges

While riding on a horse, to arrive at Xiling Gorge

We found that the people there are simple and primitive

The women were... Hey Ho Hey Ho

Today, I will be telling the story of a slutty woman

You may not know that a slutty woman has a certain look

A round face does well in social circles

With one eye larger than the other, they're hard to please

Top lip thin and bottom lip heavy

Means they'll go after your buddy

See you later for the 110th episode of the story of Yangtze River

So delicious!

That ugly monster is Ximen

Take a look at him. He's a total two-face

In a while he'll come over and pretend we're friends

Where?

- Ximen - Ling

- Hello. Have a sit - Hello. Have a sit

Oh god, Ling

Why are you eating such a plain bun?

Fleur

Yes

Bring Ling our leftovers

Okay

But I thought that was for the dogs?

No, that's not quite right

Our dog eats too well

Now he's like a pig

We should feed him buns instead

I'm not mocking you, Ling

I can tell the difference

That's perfect

He doesn't like eating our leftovers

I don't mind

- Throw it away - Alright

I said throw it away

Your signature right there please, Mr. Zhou

You're spending quite a lot of my sponsorship

Why do you need so much on promotion?

Listen up

The story of Yangtze River, brought to you by Treasure Trove

Doesn't that sound grand?

Yeah right

You are our only sponsorship, of course it sounds grand

Look, she is just a little girl

She's just playing with you Mr. Zhou

But as a promoter

One does need to be playful

I'm not so interested in promoting Treasure Trove itself

As promoting my high-quality jades and precious stones

They look pretty standard to me

The one I have is better than any of those

Wow not bad

Why don't you sell it to me silly girl?

You silly man, I bet you're not a good guy

She has mental problems, she knows nothing

Don't mind her

I never really wanted to sponsor you

I don't mind her, but I mind you

How dare you come and mess around with me?

- Shoo, go away - Mr... Mr. Zhou

Chief

Call me San Niang

San Niang, you certainly have a sense of humour

I've been captured, how can I take you with me and leave?

I'll release you

Then you can take me with you

Thank you for your kindness, Chief

If I find the Princess I will definitely come back to thank you

Easy, daylight makes travelling much easier

What do you mean?

Let's chat for a while

Cheers

I was 14 when I met my boyfriend

I was very poor back then

He said I'd never be hungry again if I stay with him

So I followed him and became a thief

To save his buddies

He got into a fight with the police and got seriously injured

Before he died

He asked me to take good care of his buddies

Why's that?

Why did he leave without a word for me?

I'd been with him for 14 years

Why didn't he leave a word for me with his last breath?

Stop!

Are you trying to run away?

You said you'd release me

Bullshit. Why on earth would I release you?

Ridiculous! Treat me like a fool? Boys

He said a lot of people would come for his stories

In fact there is not one single person

He kept saying how profound he is, but he's nothing

You said you don't rememeber a thing

How come you remember everything I said?

I have amnesia but I'm not an idiot

Even a retard can tell

This place got nothing but broken roof and windows

You can't live in this awful place

And if your business was doing so well

You would have moved out to the city

You won't stay here for sure, right?

I didn't lie

I only spoke of my dreams

Do you have to accused of someone who have dreams?

What's that burning smell?

Oh god!

I couldn't end my life when I met you

Now I have no clients or sponsors

And even my last grains of rice have been burnt

What do you want?

I want to eat chicken, do you have any?

I want one

I want one plump, big, fatty chicken

A plump, big, fatty chicken

It's a tough decision, Deal

Give me the chicken first

Right away

You...

You're back

Where did you get the chicken?

I traded it with my Jade

You said you want to eat chicken

You use that fine piece of jade to exchange one chicken?

It was a good deal, wasn't it?

Come on, eat up

Tuck in

Thank you

In the middle of no where, a country calls Far Far Away

Where there are no people, no water, nor farmland

Neither gold nor silver, nothing at all

People got nothing to eat but human brains

That's entertaining, let me drop it down

The people there...

Wait...

Ling is telling a story over there

It's really scary. Someone's even fainted

"Bury in the heavens"means to put a woman

On top of a mountain, totally exposed to nature

Where her flesh will be pecked at by eagles

Peck, peck, peck...

Two immoral people make one slutty whore... Where's everybody?

Save the slut to yourself

Bring over this person

So that her head appears

And the hammer drops with s single strike

That's spectacular...

Look, there's lots of money

You must be a genius to think of such a horror story!

What's your story tomorrow?

I can't believe she asked me back

We'll have a good meal first

You go straight to bed after that and I'll come up with something

He said he'd think of something if I went to bed early

This is where we are right now

We'll cross the river

Obscuring ourselves around the forest

Then attack from both sides

We'll catch them off guard

Let's do it according to your plan

Our fate is in your hands, including mine

Thanks for trusting me. My life is no longer a concern

Stop

Stay alert

Attack!

Are you okay?

I've been injured

How is it?

It hurts a lot

Let me help you

Be careful

Yeah! We won!

Are you alright?

Thank goodness I got you

Well done

Capture Wingold

Yes

Thank you General

Cheers Brothers

Now that I'm wearing this wedding gown

Do I look like your Princess Yan?

The wedding gown is indeed Princess Yan's

I'm asking you, do I look like her?

The gown belongs to Princess Yan

Now that I have snatched it

It is mine!

Even if you're wearing it, you're still not a princess

Especially it's a torn gown

So I can never be a princess?

Not even once?

I want you to treat me however you treat the princess

Please, just once

Every woman wants to...

be treated like a princess

I never have that experience before

Just one time

You're drunk

Chief, I have kept my promise

I come to say farewell

I'm breaking my deal. You will stay

Then you can kill me

What do you want?

What do you want to do?

You keep shifting your thoughts

Do you actually know what you want?

Leave right now

Then I will take my leave

Before you go

Call me San Niang one last time

San Niang

Be gentle

San... Niang...

San... Niang...

Thank you

Cheng Qin

You're not trying to break your promise, are you?

Take me with you. I'm not drunk this time

I don't want to spend the rest of my life here

I want a life of my own

I'll come with you to look for the Princess

Why?

I know this place

I can be your guide

Thank you San Niang

Promise me one thing though

If you can't find the Princess

Could you travel around the world with me?

Chief...

Chief...

I will miss you boys

Even though you're all dumb and illiterate

After the battle with Wingold

I'm sure you'll all be fine

We'll take good care of ourselves

Keep the Chief's sword safe with you

Don't worry Chief

Let's go

Keep it up

I'm fine

We're here at last

Let's have a roast today

And a buffet tomorrow

Celebrate each and every day

End of the advertisement

We did so well today

We have two chickens, vegetables and meat

Don't forget the fish

The chicken inside, and the guy is still outside

You are the guy or the chicken?

The guy

Isn't it the time to cook?

- Cooking? - Sure

I feel so blessed

I'm so full that my belly's about to burst

You're blessed already? Reach for the stars!

If I win this year's storytelling competition

And gain fame and fortune

We can move into a big house in the city

Behave yourself Sir

I can't imagine what you will do when you see a beauty

Where did you get this jade?

Did a girl give it to you?

None of your business

I'm a bandit, remember. The Jade belongs to you, let's go

Mayor, Ling and Lucky want to apply for the competition

You're the renowned storyteller Ling

Sign here, come

Use this, it took me the while night to make it

I must make good use of this pen

To write a magnificent story and win this competition

Higher

- So high... - It's because you're tall

Your Highness

At last, I've found you

Let go of me, who are you?

I'm General Cheng who accompanied you to the West

- Don't you remember? - Let go

Stop messing around or I'll call the police

Move

- Ling - Princess

I'm not a princess, my name is Lucky

You're the Princess

Tell him to let go

I order you to let go

Yes, Your Highness

- Are you alright? - Well

Let's go

Tell him not to follow us

I order you not to chase us

Let's go

Hey, you're not allowed to chase

But she didn't say you're not allowed to trail behind

Right, thanks San Niang

I'm a bandit, remember

The Princess looks pretty common in commoner's clothes

I think you've dirtied yourself

Thank you

Apologies for interrupting

Mr. Ling

Could you give me a chance?

I have failed to protect you, Your Highness

Enough! I'm not a princess, I'm Lucky

And I'm happy right now

You went through an accident, that's why you have amnesia

Do you remember our tokens of love?

That jade is mine

It originally belonged to me

The Emperor gave you this pearl as the dowry

We made wishes on the hill

We pretended to get married

We kissed and fell in love

In a way that the heavens

Nor our families would allow

He... He kissed me

It's alright

Yan

How could you forget me?

It's all your fault

You made all the three of us unhappy

There is only one solution

I'll kill you

- Calm down - No

Kill me

You said you'd come with me to find the Princess

Now we have, you can leave

She's not the Princess, she's Lucky

She doesn't even know you

The Princess you're looking for no longer exists. Just give up

I don't care if she knows me

She's always my princess

One final question

Have you ever thought

That you'd come travel around with me if you didn't find her?

No

That hurts

Do you recognise me now?

Thank you for saving us

Otherwise Ling and I may have died

You should thank him, Ling

Thank you

Are you alright?

My head hurts

You have no chance with the Princess even if she won't come with me

We wanted to change her fate

But it turns that our fates have changed

And we can do nothing about her

Ling

Would you please let go?

You're back

Are you alright?

Hey look

I've prepared your clothes for tonight's competition.

It's really pretty

Your Highness, it's time for you to go

What are you doing?

I told you I'm not the Princess

Why don't we rehearse tonight's story?

You are Princess Yan of the royal family

You were on your way to Far Far Away to become a queen

You'll be served by the others

And a good life awaits

Go. Lucky is just a doggie I had

I'm not leaving

I have no where else to go

Look how happy we are now

Our lives are getting better

You said we can move into the city

After you win the storytelling competition

And hire maids for me. Do you remember?

What's wrong with you?

Every woman in the world wants to be a princess

I'm Lucky

I just leant how to be Lucky

I just leant how to clean, slaughter chickens

How to cook

And be your assistant

I didn't know who I was before

You said I was Lucky

And now I'm not

What am I best at? I'm best at lying

I'm no talented storyteller. I'm nothing

You think I'm in my"performing state of mind"

When I'm talking to myself all day?

I'm just so broke I've gone crazy!

I'm not a princess

Don't make me this princess

And marry me off to the West

Did you say that Western people eat human brains?

And bullying women too

Then why are you making me go there?

Those were just things you said in your sleep

There's a guy who's a head taller than me

Plus ten times more handsome

And you'd rather believe a midget like me?

Aren't you afraid that he's cheating me?

I'm only a guy who tells stories on the side of the street

No woman would want me.

There's no point in you staying

I'm not going to waste my breath

Leave! I said go away!

No! Don't kick me out!

I don't want to see you anymore

I want to be Lucky

Go away... I don't want Lucky anymore.

Go

I am Lucky, please don't kick me out

The finals in the storytelling competition

They are Ling and Lucky

They must be getting into character

Let's cheer them on

I, Ling

No longer have any story to tell

- You're kidding. - What's going on?

I know you don't want me anymore

But let me help you...

finish telling this story

And fulfil your dream before I leave?

This story

Is about a man

And a dog that appeared on his doorstep

No, not a dog

Right, it should be a beautiful woman who appeared

One who doesn't know how to do any chores

The Emperor's word is arriving

Behold

Wow, such good acting

They even made up an imperial edict

You fool! It's indeed an imperial edict

Be serious everyone

Be quiet

This is a message for Princess Yan and General Cheng

I have been sent by the Emperor to speak on his behalf

Princess Yan encountered bandits on her journey to get married

General Cheng shall compensate his fault

By continuing the journey to Far Far Away

Let there be no delay or losses. That's all

Sir Zhang

The Princess fell down the mountain

And lost her memory

How did that happen?

May I speak to her first?

Hurry

The Princess still has to sumbit to her fate no matter what

It's enough that only I remember

What happened between us

The Princess and I

Exchanged the Jade and the Pearl as tokens of love

Now the items are returned to the owners

We can act like none of it ever happened

Since she no longer has feelings

The Jade and the Pearl lost their meanings

San Niang

I'm afraid they might evoke memories

Let me destroy them for you

No

I remember the wish I made under the shooting star

Is that all General's wishes would come true

My wish at the time

Is that all Princess's wishes would come true

Sorry

But thank you

Thank you for giving me Lucky

Apologies for the tardiness, Your Highness

From then on, the Princess has vanished from my life

The General and the Princess continued their journey

They pasted through deserts and plains

And reach the border of Far Far Away at last

The lovers knew that they were soon to part

General

What are you doing?

General, why don't you elope with the Princess?

Do you know the consequence of eloping?

Yes. Happiness

Being able to be with the one you love

And live happily ever after

The Emperor will go after us

Father once said

That fate looks down upon those who give in

And I won't give in

I

Will never elope with the Princess

Even if I were to risk being beheaded

I'll request the Emperor to grant us marriage

That's great, General!

The General and the Princess chose to go back and ask for The Emperor's mercy

The Emperor was moved by their love

And decided to grant them marriage

The General and the Princess live happily ever after

Like a match made in heaven

Are they really as happy as you depict?

To believe is a form of happiness

Everyone has a story of his own

The content maybe the same, but the version differs

I'm not a princess, but I remember a moment

When a man made me feel like one

Just a brief moment and that will suffice