All language subtitles for S4E3 The Albert Farnsworth

Mike O'Toole!

With my own ears I heard what the

doctor told you about drinking that stuff.

You were referring to me tea, no doubt.

I was not referring to the tea.

I'm referring to that belly burner

you're putting in it.

If you'll not be telling me how to

improve me tea, I'll not be telling you

how to improve your stew.

Anyhow, there's a nip in the air, and I

was just after equalising things a bit.

Mother!

Scaring that child again.

Mother!

He tried to hit me!

Did he lay hands on you, Peg, me

darling child?

Because he did lay those fat, foul

hands on you!

Oh, wait a minute, Mike.

Perhaps it's an apologies after sending over.

Colonel Farnsworth presents his

compliments, sir, and requests you keep

that dirty -nosed little Irish monster

of yours in a suitable cage.

Oh, so he did, did he know?

I took the liberty of toning down the language.

Toning...

Now, now, now, calm yourself, Mike,

calm yourself.

Let me go on!

This is one answer I'm going to give

myself personally.

I'm going to batter the old

blackguard's blatant brains out of him!

The End Major!

You've got to come.

What's the matter, Charlie?

Tim's old man here is trying to kill Mr

Farnsworth again, that's what.

What am I going to do with that father

of yours?

Get a hold of here, Charlie, give him a hand.

Come on, Tim.

You know, Bill, if them two keep

shooting all the way to California,

they're going to kill each other.

Would that be bad, Charlie?

Hey, it wouldn't be bad, would it?

It's the best idea I ever had.

Go get that wrench.

Hurry up!

Will you get out of my way?

I'm going to show him once and for all!

Reminds me of the dervishes, it's

similar, same kind of guttural

chattering came out of them when they

began to work themselves up.

I'm going to show you.

Find out what he wants to show me, Jeremy.

I'm sorry, Mr O'Toole, but I couldn't

let you attack the colonel.

Can't he fight his own battles?

If a doctor damages his hands.

It ain't his hands I'm going to damage.

Even more important, Jeremy, I have no

wish to reek of peat for the rest of

the afternoon.

Now, look, I know quarrel with you yet,

but if I have to be killing a dozen

like you for the pleasure of one swipe

at that blathering bag of wind, I'll

gladly do it.

Will you...

Gracious of my goodness.

Badly out of training, Jeremy.

I'm sorry, sir.

I don't like to see a British soldier

knocked down by something that crawled

out of a bog.

Bad for morale.

And now I'm ready for you.

That was just a whetting of the appetite.

Now, just hold on, O'Toole.

Now, you just back off.

What's the idea of this?

Farnsworth.

Major Adams, I am told that army of

yours models itself on the British.

Do I have to point out to you that

you're addressing a superior officer?

We're not playing soldier now, Farnsworth.

Sir, a British officer never plays soldiers.

Well, who started this war?

And he never starts wars.

I'll let no murdering Englishman lay

hands on me grandchild.

I wouldn't be Michael O'Toole if I did.

Is it likely that I would lay hands on

that grubby little creature?

As a medical man, I'm far too aware of

the dangers of contracting one of their

unmentionable Irish plagues.

Mind your tongue, you nasty old man.

Try and exercise some control over your women.

What does it?

Relic or no relic, I'm going to smash you.

I'm not going to smash nobody, neither

one of you.

Now, you listen to me.

I'm going to have peace on this train,

even if I have to put a confounded

guard over each one of you.

Then you make that old fool leave my

child alone, Major Adams.

Well, just what did he do to your child?

Well, he scared her near to death.

Or what did the child do to you?

Do to me, sir?

She was making mud pies under the

colonel's wagon.

Well, kids will be kids.

I prefer kids to be kids.

Out of my hearing and out of my sight

and under the wagon farthest away from mine.

Tell this Irish rabble to see to it.

We'll have no more talk like that.

Major Adams, I don't think you realize

how much time Jeremy spends getting a

satisfactory polish on my boots.

Let me polish his skull just once.

Just one big scratch.

That old fool!

You go back to your wagon.

I'll have a little talk with you later.

Tim, I want to talk to you right now.

Come on.

It was nothing to get so upset about, sir.

I polished them when they were far

muddier than that.

You remember the floods we had in 48

when the monsoon caught us in Mysore?

Sergeant, the empire was founded on our

ability to teach our inferiors to show

respect at all times.

That's like failing to salute the flag.

I'm sure that little miss meant no

disrespect, sir.

It's just ignorance.

Too much of it in the world.

I tell you, there's no pleasing that man.

He tried the patience of a saint.

And I never thought of my father as a

saint, Major.

Well, you just keep Peggy away from

Farnsworth and do the same with your

old man.

Now, I'm more American than Irish, but

I can't say the same for my father.

He's no use for the British.

Tim.

All right.

But he's a hard man to handle.

You just keep your father away from

Farnsworth, and I'll keep Farnsworth

away from your father.

I'm telling you, Tim, I am not going to

stand for them fighting the Irish

Rebellion all the way to California.

All right.

I'll do what I can.

But you'd better keep a pail of cold

water handy.

It's the best thing I know for a dogfight.

Discipline.

We know how to discipline ourselves.

We're entitled to expect some

discipline from others, even these colonials.

Look at the sloppy way this Major Adams

runs his wagon train.

Any riffraff can get himself a place.

Farnsworth.

Just how long are you going to keep

this up?

I beg your pardon, sir?

Now, Colonel, let's please go over this

just once more.

This is not British India.

This is western Kansas, and western

Kansas is not part of the British Empire.

It has my deep sympathy.

If you're going to live in this

country, you are going to have to learn

to get along with all kinds of people,

including the O'Tools.

There may be occasions when one has to

live in some proximity with the lower

caste, but we don't talk about getting

along with them.

The writers are nonsense, Major.

Absolute nonsense.

Very close to anarchy, in fact.

And the Queen has no time for anarchy.

I'll just bet.

I'm prepared to make allowances for

colonials like yourself, men with no

tradition and no roots.

In a century or two, you may have a

chance of becoming moderately civilized.

But the Irish are another kettle of fish.

Their roots are in the peat bog.

You can't civilize the Irish, Major,

not in a million years.

Well, since it seems to be impossible

for you to get along with normal,

decent people, I suggest that you stay

to yourself from now on.

My good man, delighted.

And stop frightening children.

You made an excellent suggestion,

Major, but typically of your country,

you don't seem to be able to carry it out.

Suggestion?

What?

I expressed my pleasure at the idea of

being left alone.

Wines were...

All right.

All right.

From now on, you can just look after yourself.

Do you understand that?

Odd fellow.

Wonder how long he'd last in India.

I doubt whether he'd last much longer

than that Scottish major they found

with a wire around his throat in Darjeeling.

Ah, Major MacLeish thought he'd be

friendly with all in Sandring,

including the Caratas, very misguided.

Caused a good deal of moustache -biting

in London, that incident.

Can't blame Whitehall for ordering us

to burn two villages.

But someone should have checked the

prevailing wind at that time of year.

Yes, sir.

Garden -party guests were knee -deep in

ashes from then on.

Could do with a burning village

somewhere near us at the moment.

It's a bite in the hour.

Quite a chill, sir.

After India, our blood is much thinner.

No doubt about it, sir.

As a sergeant, perhaps the diagnosis

should be left to me.

Permission, sir?

Permission granted.

To the Queen, gentlemen.

To the Queen, sir.

God bless her.

I don't care how many signs you saw,

there ain't no Indians in this part of Kansas.

Besides, if there are, they ain't Cheyennes.

So I don't know how to read signs, is

that it?

You said it.

I don't have to.

I say, chaps, how about a cup of tea?

You know, there's not quite enough bite

in it for us.

No, we don't care much for tea, Mr.

Oaks.

That depends on the brand, Mr.

Worcester.

You judge tea by its bouquet, you see.

Bouquet?

I thought that was a bunch of flowers.

Charlie, he means how it smells.

Go ahead.

Take a deep breath.

Oh, mister, that's the first tea I've

ever seen that smelled like corn.

Corn?

Let me smell that.

You know, Mr.

Oaks, there's nothing we would like

better right now than a cup of tea.

Especially this tea.

Fine.

Well, where is he?

Who?

Old Farnsworth.

He's on his constitutional.

Oh, is that a fact?

Quite.

Never misses it.

Personally, I like a good horse myself.

Charlie, he means Farnsworth's taking a walk.

Billy's been walking all day.

But one takes a constitutional after dinner.

Yeah, I knew he was mean.

I knew he was stuck up.

But I didn't know he was touching the head.

Don't underestimate my colonel.

A bit odd, perhaps.

Forty years on the Indian frontier is a

rum go for anyone.

But he's a good'un.

You get sick sometimes.

Or get laid open by a gherkin.

And see how quick he gets you back on

your feet.

See what I tell you, Bill?

Their language just ain't the same now.

Who ever heard of getting laid open by

a pickle?

I believe you're thinking of a gherkin, Mr.

Worcester.

You can take my word for it that a

gherkin is something else again.

Tribesmen from the hills.

Good soldiers.

But a little too fond of the knife.

Something like an Indian, huh?

They are Indians.

You see, the people you call Indians

aren't Indians at all.

Oh, they're not, huh?

Well, I know a few Comanches you'd have

trouble convincing of that.

No trouble at all.

You colonials simply don't know how to

handle your aborigines.

Listen, Mr.

Farnsworth.

When you speak to me, speak to me in English.

Or don't speak to me at all.

I have my pride.

That's a remarkable statement.

Somebody help my sergeant.

Give him a hand.

Get him off that horse.

You got a doctor?

Yeah, we got a doctor.

Slam go get Farnsworth.

What happened, lieutenant?

We thought they were Kiowas off the reservation.

We went up to take them back.

They weren't Kiowas.

Cheyenne.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Can't read sign, huh?

Well...

This stuff ain't like a woman.

Bit of a nasty hole, sir.

Nonsense.

Hardly nicked.

Nicked, huh?

Did you ever have an air run through you?

Big bearded beggar got me with a lance

at Rancho Puer.

Side to side like a turkey on a spit.

Took three corporals and a subaltern to

pull it out of me.

Plugged myself up with gun wadding and

played polo that night.

But you're not so bad after that.

Lieutenant.

Could it be that you're mistaken?

Are you sure that those are Cheyenne?

I served in the Dakotas before I came

down here.

I know Cheyenne when I see them.

Is that old bird really a doctor?

Listen, you don't have to worry about

that sergeant of yours.

That old bird, as you call him, will

take care of him.

Those Indians of yours, if they're

Cheyennes and they're this far south,

they're on a raiding party and we ought

to be picking Indians out of our ears.

What do you think we've been doing?

Schoolgirls, gad.

What sort of soldier does this army of

yours breed, young man?

Never mind.

You needn't answer.

Don't you exercise any discipline at

all among your troops, lieutenant?

Look how this man slouches.

Look at these men, buttons.

Don't they ever shine them?

And make themselves targets for an

Indian arrow?

What do you think made the British

Empire what it is?

Because the British soldier has always

made himself a target.

Red coat, shining buttons.

Gives the enemy an inferiority complex.

Makes him think we know he can't shoot.

So why do these redskins of yours

haven't recaptured New York City?

Now, wait a minute, lieutenant.

With a battalion of good Yorkshire

yeoman, I can clean out this whole

blasted wasteland you call a country in

six months.

Will you listen to him?

Will you listen to the loudmouth?

With all those yeoman, and that

treachery and murder, they couldn't

clean out a little peace -loving country

like Ireland.

It'll take a Hercules to clean out a

place like Ireland.

A man who's worked in the Orgean

stables, what?

I told you we could be peace -loving.

But we can be a...

O'Toole!

O'Toole!

You know, I can hog -tie the pair of you.

By golly, if I have to, I'll do it.

Trying to run a country is still a wee

orphan of a colony.

Let me go.

I'm going to teach him a thing or three.

Tim, will you please close your old

man's mouth?

Preferably with two or three handfuls

of earth.

Come on there now, Mr.

Colonel.

You too, Mr.

O'Toole.

Ain't no sense in you all scrapping at

each other.

This here ain't the old country.

I think you're right.

Now, both of you better listen to him.

We're all equal here.

Ain't nobody better than nobody else in America.

Pitiable state of affairs.

We're all going to the coast together.

Going to be neighbors, in a manner of speaking.

Now, down home, ain't nothing as

important as good neighbors.

Is the man out of his mind?

It's no use talking.

I'm going to bring him right here and now.

Father, I just got a feeling that the

colonel here's just folks, like anybody

else, once you get to know him.

It's unlikely that anyone in this sorry

outfit will be given the chance to get

to know me if we travel to the ends of

the earth together.

Well, now, sir, I'm willing to try, colonel.

At least the Irishman only expects me

to knock him down, not shake his hand.

Easy does it, sir.

I know these people are inclined to

forget formalities.

The man means well.

It isn't enough.

He's just being friendly, sir.

I'm particular about where I give my friendship.

Don't these clodhoppers understand that?

Clodhoppers, my father!

Oh, shut up, all of you!

I am through talking.

The very next time something like this

happens, I'm going to show you birds

what it means to crack a few thick skulls.

Now, is that clear?

O'Toole!

Brehan!

Farnsworth!

You get back to your wagons, and I

don't want to hear another word out of

any of you.

Come along, Tim.

I'm going to get myself a bigger shillady.

Oh, beefsteak's the only thing.

Don't suppose there's a decent bit of

beef west of Liverpool?

Look, Farnsworth, didn't you hear what

I said?

Would you put that silly stick down, Major?

I assure you I'm the most peaceable of men.

Want a drop of tea, Jeremy, with a spot

of gin, perhaps?

Do you good.

You know, Major, someday somebody's

going to forget that he's an old man.

Yes, Bill, I know.

I'm afraid that somebody's going to be me.

Well, the only thing that's worrying

me, he's going to be with us all the

way to California, too.

You know, before we left St.

Louis, I saw an ad in the newspaper

offering a nice, quiet dry goods store

for sale in upper Illinois.

I wish somebody'd kicked me in the head

for not buying it!

I wish we'd have bought it.

Good luck, boys.

So long.

It just ain't you, Major.

What are you talking about?

Take a look at that.

Permission, sir?

Permission granted.

To the Queen, Jeremy.

To the Queen, sir.

God bless her.

Here you go, sir.

Nothing can take the bitterness out of quinine.

I'm afraid, sir, not even tea.

You wouldn't think it was doing me any

good if it didn't taste unpleasant.

Maybe you'd better go to bed, sir.

Wouldn't do, Jeremy.

Much too early.

Don't want people to think I coddle myself.

The moment there's a weakness and

furious, move in and take advantage.

We'll control it, Jeremy.

We'll control it.

Where do you think you're going?

I think Mr.

Farran's worth the sick.

Oh, you don't say.

He's shaken terrible.

With fear, no doubt.

Knowing that one day I'll catch up with

him without Adams or that sergeant of

his around.

For shame, Mike O'Toole.

A blind man can see he's got the fever.

If he'd have kept his nose away from

poor, suffering India, it would never

have happened.

And so he's sick, is he?

And what were you going to do about it?

I thought I would tell him I was sorry

I muddied up his boot.

There'll be no apologizing to the likes

of him from any O'Toole.

Can you not let bygones be bygones?

I will not.

And you stay away from him, young lady,

or you'll feel the hard back of me hand.

Enough of that.

Jeremy.

Good evening, Major.

Your friend here doesn't look like he

feels so good.

Malaria.

We train about, you know.

No, I don't know.

First he gets it, then I get it.

India's bad for the fever.

You giving him anything for it?

Quinine and gin.

It's as good as anything, he said.

I suppose he's right.

How's your supply of quinine?

I've got plenty of it in the wagon if

you want some.

Thank you, sir.

That won't be necessary.

The colonel could treat a regiment with

what he's got in the wagon.

If you'll excuse me, I must gather wood.

He gets frightful cold.

I'm sorry.

Are you feeling bad?

Confound it, child, and see what you

make me do.

I'm sorry.

Stop it, madam.

Stop that, I say.

Have you got a doll or something that

you can pummel instead of me?

Blast you, child.

Let's have no silly tears.

I'm wet enough already.

Very well.

I appreciate your trying to undo the

damage you've caused.

Now, don't sniffle.

I said don't sniffle.

It's bad for the respiratory system.

Now stop it.

Me mother says you've got the favour.

Nonsense.

Your mother's a fool.

You were shivering terrible.

Of course I was shivering.

I'm not used to these blasted,

windswept prairies.

I'm sorry I muddied up your boot.

So you should be.

Have you any idea how hard it is to get

good leather, and you'll accept my word

for it?

Mother send you over to ask for forgiveness?

No.

And Grandfather would flay me alive if

he knew.

But I waited till he was asleep.

Flay you alive?

What an uncouth expression to teach a child.

Do they want you to grow up as loose

-mouthed as themselves?

My goodness.

You're the grumpiest man.

Grumpy, am I?

You're always mad at everybody.

I dare say the only sensible thing to

be when you're thrown in with a pack of

undesirables keeps them at bay.

Don't you ever have any fun?

Fun?

Good heavens, child.

One doesn't build an empire by having fun.

One has responsibilities.

Ridiculous trying to explain

responsibilities to the Irish.

Where did you get that frumpy dress from?

The Indians, no doubt.

It's a pretty dress.

Huh.

I've seen prettier dresses on yogis.

What's yogis?

Who cares?

A yogi doesn't wear any clothes, miss.

Why is everyone slinking around like

cobras tonight?

It's the fever makes you jumpy.

Child, I have no fever and I'm never jumpy.

They're coyotes.

Whatever they are, it's a beastly sound.

Just like old General Smythe Farrington

when his tea was gold.

Very amusing.

It was meant to be.

Peggy!

Not a coyote at all, Jeremy.

An Irishman.

What did I tell you?

Get back to your wagon at once before I

turn the hide off you.

Why don't you strike the child?

If it was the only way I could learn

her not to talk to the likes of you,

I'd be doing her a favour.

My good man, she's a mere grubby little dirtstain.

Oh, must be fair, she's like one of the

teapots you used to see at the Bazaar

of Dakar.

Good material, but unpolished.

She's doing her best to struggle

against the frightening handicap of her heritage.

Transworth, it's me dearest wish that

ever we get to where we're going,

you'll settle down somewhere near the O'Toole.

I'd rather be buried up to the neck in

an anthill.

For I'll give you my word, if that

happy situation arrives, I'll spend me

weekends softening up that block of

stone you carry under your hat.

May the saints be me witness!

Charlie, do you have to put more coffee

in there?

It's so strong now, I almost had to

spoon out my last cup.

I've got to give it more character.

I caught Bill nodding on the watch out there.

Don't you worry about Bill.

I'm not worrying about him, I'm

worrying about me with all them

Cheyennes around.

What's the matter, Charlie?

You getting spooky in your old age?

No, just careful, that's all.

Evening, Mr.

O'Toole.

Hello, Mike.

Sit down, have a cup of coffee.

No, thank you, Major.

I never touch anything stronger than whiskey.

Mike, you look like something was

bothering you.

What have you got on your mind?

Look, Major, I never ran away from a

fight in me life.

In fact, if I've got a fault at all,

though I'm not admitting it, of course,

it's that I'm a little too eager to go

looking for one.

I can't argue with you there.

But that was a stout pick handle you

showed me a while ago.

Yes, and I know how to use it.

I don't doubt it.

But I can't get on with the British

Empire at all.

So maybe it would be a good idea if you

was to move the order of our wagons.

You want me to move you away from Farnsworth?

Well, now, that wouldn't look so good,

would it?

No, I was wondering if maybe you could

move Farnsworth away from me.

Major?

Yeah, Bill?

What is it, Bill?

Indians.

Carrying a torch.

Look like they're looking for trouble, though.

I've never seen nothing like that before.

How many are there, four?

No, five.

What do you want?

I want talk.

They're Cheyennes.

That's something new.

They're Cheyennes, all right.

Chief, you and one brave get off horse,

walk here.

We talk.

Just two men, no guns, understand?

Some of their Red Indians, sir.

Some sort of council, I believe.

Chance to see some of those chaps.

Always wanted to.

You're chill, sir.

Nonsense.

They wear the blanket, not me.

So you have many braves, huh?

Many.

And if we give you food and blankets,

you'll let us go in peace, huh?

Chief, since when does a Cheyenne

parley for what he wants?

Want peace.

Cheyenne friend in a pig's eye.

Shut up, Charlie.

What happens if I don't give you these things?

Take.

Many braves, many guns, many die.

You give.

I don't know what he's got up his

sleeve, Charlie, but if he means what

he says, it's not a bad deal.

By giving him a few sacks of flour and

some blankets, we get safe passage.

It's all right.

Give him to him.

We got plenty.

We get more at Fort Henry, too.

It's a lot better than fighting these

birds off for the next 50 miles.

All right, Chief.

You got a deal.

Supplies, yours.

Most outrageous thing I ever heard of.

Where's your pride, Adams?

How dare you come in here and threaten

us, sir?

Find to it!

You painted beggars don't demand anything.

If you want something, you ask for it

in a proper manner.

Do you understand?

You trying to get us all killed?

If you let these creatures start to

give you orders...

You shut up, Chief!

Don't listen to him.

What he says means nothing.

I'm chief here.

I give orders.

Please, Colonel, allow the Major to

handle this.

Nonsense.

Only one way to handle savages, with firmness.

Go on.

Get out of here before I take a stick

to you.

Chief, don't listen to him.

You not give.

I take.

Many whites die.

No!

Good riddance.

Next time, they'll behave themselves.

You absolute fool.

The next time they come back here,

they'll come back shooting.

What do you think?

You're fooling with schoolchildren?

Precisely.

Children, all of them.

Treat them that way, and I'll thank you

to lower your voice, sir.

You blockhead!

How many of these women and kids do you

think will be killed because you had to

shoot off your big mouth?

Don't shout at me, sir!

Don't shout at you?

I'm about to horse with you.

I think...

Go on.

Get back to your wagons, all of you.

Get your guns ready for use.

You'll need them.

Bill, you keep this blundering big

mouth here at my wagon even if you have

to chain him to a wheel.

Now, I've got to go set up my sentries

and get ready to finish what you started.

Go on.

Get out of here, all of you.

Odd chap.

Odd, I must say.

Sit down, Colonel, and stay down.

If I had you in my regiment...

But you don't have him in your regiment.

And I've got you in my wagon train.

I don't suppose it's possible for this

to penetrate that thick skull of yours,

but do you realize that you have placed

the lives of almost 400 people in the

worst possible danger?

Absolute rubbish.

It's about time somebody stood up to

those thieving beggars.

They'll be back with their hats in

their hands.

They'll be back, all right, with rifles

in their hands.

I've been dealing with frontier

tribesmen for 40 years.

When you're at war with them, you kill them.

When there's no war, you look after them.

But never do you let them come and make

a bargain with you.

Good Lord, what a state the Empire

would be in...

I am not going to argue with you

anymore, Farnsworth.

I'm going to restrict you to your wagon

and your immediate camp.

Now you sit down, and you shut up, and

you listen.

If I catch you more than 30 feet away

from your wagon, I'm going to have you

chained up, and I'll keep you chained

up until we reach the next settlement.

Then I'm going to kick you out of this

wagon train.

Thanks to you, we may not reach the

next settlement.

This is outrageous.

I demand...

You demand nothing, Farnsworth.

Nothing.

You're more dangerous to this train

than a keg of powder in a campfire.

Hold it right there, Mr.

Oaks.

The Major doesn't want to be interrupted.

But you chaps don't understand him.

You make him look so bad.

He brought it on himself.

Go back and pour yourself a cup of tea

or something.

I trust Major Adams won't do anything rash.

He's pretty sore, and he's not the only one.

You go on back to your wagon and stay there.

Mr.

Oaks!

Indians!

Mr.

Oaks!

It's like a long shot with someone

helping to get him into the wagon.

Sam, Jim, get my hand here.

Get him in the wagon.

Major, over here.

Only one shot fired.

General, the table.

A cup from Jeremy Ladd.

You've got a ball in your chest.

It's got to come out.

I've got to dig for it.

Lie still.

Lie still.

Colonel, they got the old tool child.

The Indians.

Don't you worry about that.

Permission, sir?

Permission granted.

No bullet killed him.

Smallpox.

That explains it.

Explains what?

The way the Cheyenne have been acting.

What they're doing way down here.

Why they didn't jump us.

Probably haven't got enough healthy

braves to go hunting or raiding.

You just give that five minutes to take effect.

Things you'll do for a double ration of

gin, Jeremy.

Major, I can't find Peggy.

General.

Don't you worry.

We'll look after that.

Major, I can't find her.

She was in the wagon.

Madam, I have grave news for you.

The Indians have your child.

Are you sure of that?

Jeremy Oakes saw them take her.

They'll kill my baby.

No, they won't, Mrs.

O'Toole.

Cheyenne don't kill children.

They'll hold them hostage, but they

won't kill them.

But Major, they got smallpox.

Smallpox.

They've all got smallpox.

That'll kill her quickly enough.

Smallpox.

Maybe I can reach her in time.

If I was with you, the last man on this

train, I'd send after her.

Under the circumstances, I'm the only

one capable of handling this situation.

I shall need a guide, of course.

Can't I get it through your head what

those Indians will do to you?

They'll tear you apart.

I don't tear easily.

There's just one other thing.

Try not to make this an excuse to

dawdle here for a few days.

What are you talking about?

Don't hold up the train.

I'll catch up.

The sooner you get to the next station

and a doctor, the better Jeremy Oakes'

chances are.

The next doctor's at Fort Henry.

That's ten days away from here.

Try to make it in line, surprising what

you can do when you try.

I shall be ready to leave in 15 minutes.

I would appreciate it if you'd provide

me with a guide.

It's a terrible thing if the life of a

man's grandchild should depend upon a

madman like that.

O'Toole, you get away from me before I

forget that you're an old man.

Bill, I haven't got the right to ask

you this, but...

I've been vaccinated, Major.

I'll go with him.

You know what's gonna happen, don't you?

They'll try to skin him alive the

minute they lay eyes on him.

I'll try to stop him.

You said 15 minutes, didn't you?

Yeah.

Better get ready.

Bit of a hole there, old man.

Here one day and blown down the cud the

next, sir.

You won't be blown down the cud so long

as I'm around.

I know that, sir.

Those redskin chaps, seems they have a

bit of the pox.

Too bad.

Rum go.

Could always let them die off, of

course, no loss, but they've got that

grubby O'Toole child with them.

Quite so, sir.

In the chest there, sir.

The vaccine.

I won't be gone long, you know, a week, perhaps.

It's all right, Colonel.

I say, old man, this wound of yours is

quite bad, you know.

I've done what I can, of course.

I understand, sir.

They say there's a surgeon at the next

station, but that's ten days.

Beastly situation.

I'll be all right, sir.

Of course you will, no doubt in my mind.

Goodbye, sir.

Cheerio.

It's been a bloody good, bloody good.

I'm not worried about finding him, Major.

It's what's going to happen when we do.

I say, Major Adams, look after Jeremy,

will you?

See that he's comfortable.

He likes his tea with a spot of gin,

you know.

I'll take care of him.

Well, move along, sir.

See that you don't get lost too often.

Catch up with you later.

Good luck.

Don't say anything, Colonel.

Look at that clown over there.

Major Adams says they aren't children.

It's their medicine man.

Medicine man?

Asculapius must be whirling in his grave.

Stand back, you painted monkey!

Don't threaten him, Colonel.

One word from the chief and we'll get

some bullets through our heads.

I just don't want him to touch me.

Have you any idea what foul bits of

decaying animal matter he carries in

that pouch around his neck?

By golly, they'd think you got some

magic in that stick of yours.

Grant, smallpox, here's one physician

who wasn't able to heal himself.

What, Hawks?

I can help him.

I can help all of you.

If you harm the white child, I'll watch

you die like dogs.

Don't take me too hard.

Just gotta have enough almighty gall

and it seems like the good luck runs

right along with it.

We could, Jeremy.

Eight days is a long time to hang on,

Major, with a bullet through your lungs.

Yeah, well, get some men, break out the shovels.

Yes, sir.

I found this in a book that belonged to Jeremy.

They that love beyond the world cannot

be separated.

Death cannot kill what never dies.

Nor can spirits ever be divided that

love and live in the same divine

principle, the root and record of their friendship.

Death is but crossing the world as

friends do the seas.

They live in one another still.

Amen.

Sure a long way from England, ain't it?

Yeah.

Baby!

My baby!

Thank you, Mr.

Hawks, thank you.

Thank you, Colonel Farnsworth.

Whatever Irish disease I may have

contracted, the child will not cut smallpox.

Better get her to bed, ma'am.

She's had a rough trip.

Oh, yes, thank you, thank you.

I was beginning to think I'd never see

either one of you again.

We had quite a time of it, I'll tell you.

Uh, Jeremy, Major.

I'm sorry, Colonel.

We just buried him.

We did all we could do.

I'm sure you did.

Major, where, uh...

Right out there.

You know, the last few days we were

there, they didn't have one case of

smallpox break out.

Sure can't figure that man.

You're not British, Bill.

Yeah.

Is it true what they say about your

West Coast, Major, sunshine and warm?

Yes, Colonel, it's true.

He was my orderly for 35 years.

And your friend.

We were going to get a cottage

somewhere by the sea, cook the malaria

out of our bones, watch the sun set

over India.

Foolish ideas.

Two old men, old fools doddering, but I

suppose one gets that way.

Colonel, you can still get your cottage?

Quite.

Yes.

Won't mean much, will it?

No, I don't suppose so.

Sometimes it's hard, Major, what one

has to do, you know.

Basically hard, huh?

Yes.

It's all right, Major.

Uh, Farnsworth.

Colonel Farnsworth.

A man is a man.

And a good one lies under the sod over there.

A man as fond of his nips as any

Irishman I ever knew.

Sorry, I took liberty of bringing you

on some fine Irish whiskey.

I think that Jeremy Oates would look at

it with favour.

Each night, I watched you two drinking

a toast to that queen of yours.

And in all conscience, I couldn't do

it, because I'm an Irishman and a good

one at that.

But I would regard it as a great favour

if you'd have a little drink to the departed.

To Jeremy Oates.

And you, sir, though you're a

Britisher, that was a strong, brave

thing you did.

And I'd like to drink to you.

You're being maudlin, sir.

No, just honest.

Major Colonel Farnsworth.

And there's just one other thing I'd

like to say.

A week or so ago, I told you that I'd

like you to settle down somewhere near

to us so that I'd have the pleasure of...

Well, never mind about that now.

But I can see that you're a man who

likes his liquor.

And I admit, though, I don't want you

to spread it around.

I'm a little bit partial to London gin myself.

Irish whiskey can seem like a fair

substitute to a thirsty man.

Mm -hm.

I'm neither blind nor unsteady on my

feet, sir.

Sure, it's only a gesture of friendship.

Friendship is not a matter to be taken lightly.

It has to ripen.

What?

That's what I was hoping.

You see, if we did settle close

together, some warm place by the sea,

perhaps, well, perhaps it would ripen.

From what I've seen of this country,

sir, anything might happen.

Hm.

That's a bunch of you.