Original subtitles

Stop it! Don't be offended.

I was only away five days.

I need to relax once in a while, too.

You know I live a life of hell.

But I never forget my Felix.

I only care about you.

It's Giorgio. I'll call back.

I got your number from Miss Pamela.

We could meet when you return from Paris.

It’s Giorgio again. I'll call back.

It's Mink. I absolutely must talk to you. It's urgent.

Giorgio. I'll call back.

Hi, Mystère.

- What's the night look like? - Disgusting.

There's a gathering of misfits and losers!

If I don't shoot a pill, I'll go crazy.

Come with me.

My compliments! A beautiful apartment.

Surprised?

No. Nothing can really surprise me.

We haven't talked about money yet.

We can talk about it later.

No problem.

A lady will be coming soon, my friend.

You will do what I say. Exactly.

I repeat. Nothing can surprise me.

At a certain age one becomes a bit complicated.

I adore complications!

Start getting undressed.

You are magnificent tonight.

Thank you.

This black dress looks good on you.

Did you know I'm not wearing anything under the dress?

I find you divine when you dress in black.

Caress her.

Get dressed. You'll find a million in your purse.

I found a client who's waiting for us in the hotel for a ménage à trois.

I won't go for less than 500,000.

You read his thoughts. He is offering 500 each.

What sort of guy is he? In a couple of words.

He's German, rich and fat.

Excuse me.

Mr. Reinhardt.

May I have your IDs?

Room 402.

Hi. She is my girlfriend. She just arrived from Paris.

Good! I adore French girls.

Fantastic!

Disappointments at 3 in the morning can cause insomnia.

The money in advance. It's the rule.

No Italian liras, only dollars.

It doesn't frighten us.

If you give us double, we'll stay all night.

I hate sleeping with strangers.

I understand that!

- So who do you want to begin with? - With you.

- And with her. - The rules don't foresee that.

I paid for two. Enough chit-chatting. You two get undressed.

Bring me some bourbon to drink. It's over there.

Alright. But wait for me to come back.

What about the bourbon?

What's with you? Can't you function without alcohol?

He already did everything. He's one of those that we like.

Here, Speedy Gonzales.

Every time it's the same thing.

You sluts disgust me!

Let's beat it!

- Mystère, I must tell you something. - What?

Don't get angry, but I couldn't help it.

Come on. I swear I won't get angry.

I know I shouldn't have, but he was such a bastard...

- Hey, you! - Me?

Yes, you. How much do you want for the evening?

First you try to kill me and then you want to pick me up?

Who do you think I am?

Is 200,000 enough?

I think he took you for what you are!

Make it 400 and I'm yours until tomorrow morning.

OK. I'm not sleepy anyway. Come on!

Follow me!

- How will I get home? On foot? - Catch a taxi.

- I was saying something important. - Bye.

So, Reinhardt, where are the negatives?

They were in the lighter, but I lost it.

That is a very serious mistake.

I looked everywhere, but I can't find it.

The only possible explanation is that those two stole it.

Who are "those two"?

Last night two girls came here.

Two sluts!

I know I shouldn't have.

Exactly. You shouldn't have.

It must have been one of them. She saw a gold lighter and...

Could you track them down?

I don't know. They work in Via Veneto.

One was blond and the other, a brunette.

Give me some time, and I swear I'll find them.

Turn off the television. I can't think.

I'm sorry, it's the rule.

Never leave anything unsettled.

- Yes? - It's Mink.

I need to see you. At my club.

Good evening.

Hey, Mystère! You weren't at my match the other evening.

I saw you on television.

I thought you'd knock him out right away.

I could have, but I wanted to spare him.

If you have a heart as big as your muscles...

I've a left hook that is a hammer!

Touch. Feel that rock!

One evening I'll have to check your muscles. One by one, calmly.

- Why not tonight? - She has a date with me tonight.

Hi, Mystère.

This is the advantage of being the boss of this place.

Right, Mink?

You have to exploit advantages!

I want the advantage of having a chat with the boss by myself.

Blondie, did you hear that? Go to the bar.

Get going!

That's what I like about you, Mink.

You know how to be so romantic!

Why didn't you come right away?

I gave you time to think it over.

I did, and now you have to start thinking.

The rent has expired.

Actually, I don't remember having rented anything.

Try to concentrate.

Who do you think owns those stinky 10 meters of sidewalk where you work?

Is your name Rome Municipality?

I want a million a month. Is that clear?

Fuck off.

Many years ago I knew a certain Samantha. Or was it Vanessa?

She had gorgeous fiery red hair.

One night they really caught fire.

Yes, it was Samantha.

Vanessa ended up falling from the sixth floor.

Mink, you won't believe it, but I adore these kind of stories.

I read them every night before going to sleep.

I could permanently scar your pretty face.

And I could have you screw free once a month.

But no rent. Take it or leave it.

Don't you think you're expensive?

I'm the best.

Alright. Let's make it twice a month.

That's ok with me.

That is, if you can manage a second time!

- Did you look in your purse? - Why?

- The lighter. - What lighter?

Wait for me. I'll tell you later.

Here we are.

The money in advance. It's the rule.

Do you have a lighter?

What's with you? Are you nervous?

Wait for me. I'll tell you later.

Come by tomorrow. I'm in the dumps.

Police. I have to talk to you.

- She was my best friend. - I know.

It's the only lead I have.

That's the problem, the only one.

You have a perfume that would even excite a priest.

You can come in.

You can be funny even if you're seated.

They call me Colt at the Homicide Squad.

- My name is Mystère. - Why is that?

It's a mystery.

- "C'est un mystère." - French fascination!

I gave in to temptation once in Paris and went in a restaurant.

Unfortunately, French cuisine creates indigestion.

I mean the bill!

Class is something that has a price.

You have to be able to afford luxury.

- I gladly give it up. - What do you want to know?

Did you ever see the police movies they show on TV?

The inspector enters, asks some questions.

Some answer, some tells lies.

They go on 50 minutes until the inspector finds the murderer.

I'm one of those people who don't know anything.

- I haven't asked you anything yet. - Anyway, I don't know anything.

Did Pamela have a protector?

Ask the Decency Squad. They know everything.

I'll bet you don't like policemen.

Let's say they don't thrill me.

I don't ask much, but if you insist, you risk getting into trouble!

In the code it's called, "reticence in testifying".

It can get you handcuffed. Know that?

Listen... Why do you keep tormenting me?

Can't you leave me alone?

I've nothing to say. Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

- When did you last see her? - You're right. I dislike policemen.

In those same TV movies that we mentioned earlier,

if a witness doesn't talk, the inspector buttons up his trench coat

and leaves without turning around.

Or in other cases, he says...

Listen to me, slut! Talk, or you'll end up in jail!

I know the script of the cop with the slut!

Usually he throws her naked on the bed.

Come on! Hurry up! We'll get it over with!

That doesn't work with me! I like the exotic kind.

The ones with dark skin.

White saddens me.

One more thing. I don't do this job to screw.

If you think it over, and want to talk,

just give me a call.

Then the inspector moves off saying, "Don't bother. I know the way."

- Slow evening, Mystère. - So much the better.

I don't feel like working tonight.

- Do you ever think of death? - It happens sometimes.

I never think of it.

But when I do, I get scared.

You were fond of Pamela, huh? You were close friends.

I have few real friends like her.

Yes, she was a good girl. Wasted in leading this life.

And so are you.

No fingerprints.

No traces.

Nothing.

I've the test results of what was found under the girl's nails.

No trace of food, nor hair, not fabric fibers.

Evidently there was no struggle.

- Colt, there's a call for you. - Here.

- Hello? - It's Mystère. I changed my mind.

I must talk to you right away. Strange things are happening.

No. I prefer telling you personally.

This time I think I can be useful.

At my place.

Police!

We caught one at least. Search the house.

- It's my boxer! - Oh, great!

I fix him on one side, and you break him on another.

Did you know that he is a dangerous individual?

Wait for me. I'll tell you later!

Help!

Help!

Help!

See what happens to who keeps his mouth shut?

- I warn you. My house is tiny. - Don't worry.

I'm not looking for luxury, but for protection.

Out with it.

- Know the German killed in the hotel? - Yes.

The Criminalpol is dealing with it.

We received the news of his death one day later.

I was with him the evening before he was killed.

Were you in love with him?

Pamela was with me, too.

We went to his hotel and he covered us with money.

There are many coincidences.

They kill the German, and the next evening, Pamela.

And tonight they tried to push me off a roof!

Obviously there's a connection in all this.

But what?

You're the inspector!

How much do you make a day?

Pretty much.

You do it for money?

If you're hungry...

You'll find nothing in the fridge.

And if you're thirsty, same thing. Just tap water.

They say it's good for your skin.

But if you're sleepy, I'm very organized.

I'll go take a shower. If a murderer comes, here's a gun.

Who are you?

Colt's friend.

Where is Colt?

He's taking a shower. Who are you?

I'm Colt's friend, too.

Colt has a lot of girlfriends!

Listen, Diana Ross.

I know you're wondering if I'm sleeping here tonight.

The answer is "yes".

Tell him I said he's a big bastard!

One of your girlfriends came by.

- Where? - Here. She wasn't bad at all!

- Was it Marta? - She didn't introduce herself.

But she was nice and dark.

- Where did she go? - How should I know?

Why didn't you tell her to wait?

I was afraid of losing my place.

No, that is my place!

- Ok. I'll sleep on the armchair. - Why?

- The bed is big enough for two. - I only sleep with who pays me.

I could pay, and then have the right to kick you out.

Forget it. I'm too expensive for you.

- Will you lend me a pajama? - In the drawer.

- Turn around. - I even have to pay to look?

Of course!

I can see you looking at me.

Don't be afraid. I said I won't pounce on you.

I don't like white girls.

Maybe I'm a bit racist.

Me too. I only like the men I fall in love with.

I thought that sluts didn't fall in love.

They say the same thing about you policemen.

Well... sweet dreams.

I've been investigating on a prostitute's homicide for 3 days.

Her throat was slit in her apartment for sex reasons apparently.

But actually, the leads take us elsewhere, Mr. Levi.

Two hookers that work on Via Veneto

go to a hotel to a guy named Reinhardt.

The following morning Reinhardt is murdered

and you Criminalpol people start investigating.

That same evening, Pamela, one of the two hookers, gets killed.

The following day, the other hooker, Mystère,

is about to be killed, too.

But I arrive in time and the murderer gets away.

Even a dilettante would be able to deduct

that the homicides have a common denominator.

I congratulate you, Inspector.

You are showing excellent professional qualities.

Considering your young age, you're headed towards a splendid career.

My compliments. A very meticulous work.

We have another lead. The murderer has a black convertible.

- Really? - My men are already looking for

all the black convertibles registered in Rome.

Then start with mine. I have a black convertible, too.

One less to check!

Alright...

Inspector, the Reinhardt case is a very touchy affair.

That is why we are dealing with it.

But please, don't ask me for details.

The matter is top secret.

At this point, the Homicide Squad must step aside.

Since there's an obvious connection between the two homicides,

my men and I will deal with your case too.

I don't like leaving an investigation pending.

Neither do I.

Do you have a light?

Wow! They really treat you well at Homicide!

Very elegant.

It's Arab sheiks' stuff. Solid gold.

It's not mine. It belongs to a girlfriend.

If I can guess, she is a high class slut.

If you want to take a look at the findings and Forensics’ results,

it's all in my office. - I'd like that.

I'm almost certain the murderer will be caught in a few hours.

As for Miss Mystère,

she can sleep soundly. As of today,

I'll take care of protecting her. Personally.

- Hello? - Good morning.

- Hi, Colt. - Were you sleeping?

No, I've been up for a while.

- What are you doing? - Having breakfast.

Well, I'm trying to!

- Did you sleep well? - Not very much.

You snore like a bear.

Armchairs are comfortable to sleep in.

- Any news? - Yes.

They took me off the investigation. Criminalpol is heading it.

- Who will protect me? - They will.

The gun is on the mannequin, if need be.

Go home and rest assured.

If you need me, you know where I am. I'll be at the station until late.

By the way, I took your lighter by mistake.

You made the mistake.

I don't smoke. It must belong to Diana Ross.

Hey, Colt! He stabbed a knife in his best friend's stomach.

I have to go. There's a client. Bye.

Your best friend, huh?

- If you move, I'll pierce your belly! - Aren't you Mystère?

- Who are you? - Pamela's brother.

We met on the beach. Don't you remember?

We went to eat at the place on the beach

where Pamela got drunk. Don't you remember?

Yes, now I do. It was a beautiful day.

- There was a girl with you. - She is my wife now.

Sorry, but after what happened, I don't want to risk anything.

Thank you for taking care of the funeral.

I cared for her very much.

I told her it was a dangerous life, but she wouldn't listen.

I have to go now.

Bye.

Mystère, listen to me. If I were you, I'd change my life.

I came to collect the rent.

Making love with you is like drinking in a paper cup.

You don't feel the taste.

You were to pay the rent.

I just cashed it in.

- Did you look in the purse? - Why?

- The lighter! - What lighter?

By the way, I took your lighter by mistake.

I'm going to a friend's. Will you give me a ride?

Mystère! You don't associate with policemen now, do you?

Yes. I'm looking for a husband.

- See you. - Count on it!

- Is Colt here? - No, he went home.

If you don't know how to end the evening, my shift is ending.

May I make a phone call, dear?

When you go out, turn off the light.

Come on, Marta, don't make such a scene.

She was just a friend. I swear.

Listen, I want to see you.

Come here and we'll talk about it.

Hello? It's Levi.

I'm in his office. The lighter isn't here.

I looked everywhere, but it's nowhere to be found.

All I can do now is look for it in his home.

Don't worry, I'll recuperate it.

And I'll personally close the matter. Bye.

Stop that man! He's a murderer!

Really? I always thought he was the head of the Criminalpol.

- I have to talk to you. - Come in. What happened?

I need your lighter.

- What lighter? - The one you had today. Remember?

- What is this? Are you crazy? - I've no time to lose!

That's better.

So you tried to kill Mystère!

Yes, but unfortunately, a nosy inspector interfered.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Colt,

but your indiscretion caused unpleasant embarrassment

with some very important people.

They call them "secret agents".

Really? I thought they only existed in novels.

No! In real life too.

The only difference is that instead of being called "007",

they have insignificant, phone book type names.

- Like Levi! - It's one of many.

Do you mind

if we move to the bathroom now?

Get undressed and go inside the bathtub.

The crime news pages are full of such stories.

"Electrocuted in the bathtub because of a short circuit."

A person reads the news and after 2 minutes, forgets it.

When the razor touches the water,

the death is immediate

and absolutely painless.

And I continue believing him!

Three hours on the phone

trying to convince me that I'm the only woman of his life.

Here.

Stop!

Now I understand why Levi wanted to recuperate the lighter so much!

Look.

It's the attack in Piazza di Spagna.

Right! They never found out who shot.

Reinhardt must've taken the photos. Instead of giving them to the police,

he tried selling them to the best offer.

Then Pamela stole the lighter,

and he ended up with his face inside a TV set.

What do you plan on doing?

I don't know.

I fear the matter won't end here.

There's someone behind Levi who wants those negatives at all costs.

I could open an investigation and even receive a promotion!

Or a stab in the back.

Colt, I am afraid.

You think a slut and a two bit inspector

can't make it against the secret services?

You're right. We'll get rid of the body, the lighter,

and forget the whole matter.

And let's hope they forget us, too.

Have the car disappear.

- I'll take care of him. - See you at my place.

Who should we begin with?

Him or her?

Let's begin with him.

We lost him.

Mystère!

Hello? I'd like the owner of a white sedan

who has fun following people.

Tell him that I need to talk to him.

About a lighter.

Alright. In an hour.

- Hi. - Hi.

Is something the matter?

- You seem strange. - I'm just a bit tired.

- Did you take care of the car? - Yes.

It'll take time before they find it.

What about the body?

It's all taken care of. Here is the key.

I'd better go back to the station.

Inspector, are you here on official business or on a personal basis?

You establish that.

I was a policeman too, and wanted a successful career.

I don't care about my career.

I just want to become rich.

I imagine you have the lighter with the negatives.

Let's say I know where to find it.

I'll give it to you in exchange of a million dollars.

In cash.

Alright.

Once the exchange has taken place,

who will guarantee me that you won't deliver copies to your superiors,

or, considering your weakness for dollars,

to one of my colleagues of the American Services?

First, without the negatives, the copies are worthless.

They could be fake.

Second, I don't care about dollars in general,

but a million dollars in particular.

Third, you must trust me.

You are headed towards a brilliant career.

It's what I said to myself when I came here.

- Where is the lighter? - Where are the dollars?

- The dollars exist. - So does the lighter!

You see, Colt,

this type of negotiation is like a game of chess.

Until now you've kept me in defense, by skillfully moving your pawns.

But games can go on for hours.

And now it's my turn to make a move.

You'll have the money when the negatives are in my hands.

Understand? I must be sure that instead of selling it to us,

you won't try selling it to the American Embassy.

After all, they're the ones who put out the dollars!

Exactly. And you would follow me and kill me.

No, not me!

To eliminate you, I could turn to one of your policeman colleagues.

Right! Like Levi.

The problem is I've already killed him.

Colt, be careful.

You want to win this game at all costs.

Be satisfied with coming out even,

and I promise that you'll have your dollars.

- How much is your word wroth? - Enough to have you get the money.

Inspector Colt.

Where is the lighter?

In a slut's purse.

Happy birthday!

We girls collected money and bought you a gift.

Happy birthday, Mink.

Thanks.

You know that I'm not a great speaker,

but I want to tell you something.

You are some really wonderful girls!

No more getting emotional.

When you're out there,

give it all you've got, girls!

Remember that Mink doesn't want to retire in poverty.

What should I do? Come upstairs?

Already?

You cashed in the rent yesterday!

As you wish, dear.

Calm down, Inspector.

When the phone rings, I'll give you the money.

End of the game.

Did you have to kill the girl?

Every game has its rules.

In ours, the first rule is: never leave anything

behind.

- Hello? - It's me. I have the money.

- Everything alright? - Yes, I'm fine.

Except that I'm seeing my dead body with a knife in the back.

Hurry. The flight leaves in an hour. See you in the parking lot.

What now?

After her, it's his turn.

Damn him!

Levi broke a record. He died three times in 24 hours.

Yes. In the end, he was a good person.

If I think that you wanted to have the body disappear...

And the lighter!

When someone is willing to pay, we must squeeze him.

In my profession, it's rule number one.

You all have a bunch of rules.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

We've only known each other for four days,

but with all that happened to us, it seems like four years to me.

Are you already tired of me?

No. What are you saying? If I was, I wouldn't run away with you.

- With me or with the dollars? - What difference does it make?

I'll take care of the tickets. You hide the car.

Last call for flight AZ320 going to Hong Kong.

Gate 20.

- Hong Kong? - Yes.

- Thank you. How much baggage? - Just one.

- Hurry. The plane is taking off. - Thank you.

- I am leaving for Hong Kong - Excuse me a second.

Hello? Yes? Yes.

I think it's for you.

Hello?

Colt! Where are you?

With a foot in the plane.

Don't follow me. I told customs to hold you for a control.

I said to myself, "Colt, everyone has rules except for you."

"Try looking for one."

I found it. I'm leaving alone with the money.

Shooting for one million a month has taught me not to be generous.

Follow my advice, Mystère.

Keep on having men pay you

because they're big sons of bitches.

Goodbye, dear.

I follow your orders, sir.

Have you already chosen one of the girls?

No. No. I'd like that one.

Why not?

- Hotel Peninsula, room 809. - Ok.

Hello!

- Are you disappointed? - No!

I'm surprised. I was expecting a woman with almond shaped eyes.

She won't come. There's a rickshaw strike.

You are so kind! You brought my gun back!

You're wrong.

Oh, I understand! You came for the money.

I don't like getting gypped.

I'm the one who usually does that.

Sit down.

Go on!

What will you do? Kill me?

We can always split it.

As usual, you don't understand a thing.

I didn't come for the money.

- For what, then? - Get undressed.

- Why? - Because I said so!

What do you want?

I feel like being kissed, stupid!

- Room service. - This is room 809.

- What would you like? - Some Chinese specialty

and lots of champagne.

You treat yourself rather well.

I am a rich man.

I know.

Very rich!

Did you come for me or for the money?

You already asked me that once.

What difference does it make?

Yes?

Your breakfast, sir.

Come in.

It took me a long time to find you,

but all you need is patience in this job.

And never leave anything behind. Isn't that so, Iranov?

Bravo! I see you learned the lesson by heart.

Why do you want to kill us? Didn't you get what you wanted?

My superiors maybe, but not me. Where is the money?

I see that you, too, learned the lesson.

Sure. Why not? Dollars are better than rubles.

I'm sorry. My future plans don't include partners. Where's the money?

Stop!