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1
00:00:00,681 --> 00:00:03,879
(footsteps walking)
2
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,796
(mysterious music)
3
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,790
- Does Aunt Jemima have sex?
4
00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:14,380
She is a bottle of syrup.
5
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:15,213
- Ooh.
6
00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:18,890
- Life's an elevator.
7
00:00:18,890 --> 00:00:20,640
So push the button for every floor.
8
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:23,160
- That's interesting.
9
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:31,821
(upbeat rock music)
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- [Announcer] Improbably Poppy.
11
00:00:36,207 --> 00:00:37,197
(audience applauds)
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00:00:37,197 --> 00:00:40,193
Not live, but prerecorded
in Monrovia, California
13
00:00:40,193 --> 00:00:42,845
roughly 15 minutes outside of Los Angeles.
14
00:00:42,845 --> 00:00:47,757
It's new metal indietronica
artist Poppy's variety show.
15
00:00:47,757 --> 00:00:52,757
(talk show music)
(audience applauds)
16
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,480
- She's exactly right.
17
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,390
I'm Poppy, and this is Improbably Poppy.
18
00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:01,200
My prerecorded variety show
shot in Monrovia, California,
19
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,990
roughly 15 minutes outside of Los Angeles.
20
00:01:03,990 --> 00:01:05,776
How's everyone doing tonight? Be honest.
21
00:01:05,776 --> 00:01:06,848
- Yay.
22
00:01:06,848 --> 00:01:09,630
(audience applauds and cheers)
23
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:12,390
- You're too kind. I don't deserve this.
24
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- Psst. Hey ugly, you deserve the world.
25
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- You're just saying that.
26
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,030
- Duh.
27
00:01:18,030 --> 00:01:20,130
- Guys, something really
weird just happened.
28
00:01:20,130 --> 00:01:21,030
- I'll kill him.
29
00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:22,170
- Why would you do that?
30
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:23,580
- You've always been better than me.
31
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You've always had it easier.
32
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Always know exactly what to say.
33
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,180
When was the last time
you looked in the mirror?
34
00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:33,723
- What? Like metaphorical or literally?
35
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- You don't have the guts
36
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- Soon this puppy won't have any guts.
37
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I'm gonna rearrange 'em.
38
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And by that I mean, fuck it, sex-like.
39
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- You're insane.
40
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- I'm insane. I'm in love.
41
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- I'm in love and I-
42
00:01:50,388 --> 00:01:52,449
(glass shatters)
43
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- Woo.
44
00:01:53,623 --> 00:01:56,100
(audience cheers)
45
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,040
- The theme of today's
episode is taking risks.
46
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I took a risk and saved the day.
47
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I've seen this town chew
puppets up, spit them out,
48
00:02:03,911 --> 00:02:06,600
and come all over their butts.
49
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,100
And when you come on the butt cheeks,
50
00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:10,410
it's hardly practicing safe sex at all.
51
00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:14,250
- That still runs the act
of risk of the discharge,
52
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:16,950
you know, falling into
the valley of the crack.
53
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:20,778
- Sliding down the natural
depression with a loving push
54
00:02:20,778 --> 00:02:22,380
of gravity's tilt.
55
00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:25,230
- And ending in the crevice
of a fertile orifice.
56
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:27,360
- You call that safe sex.
57
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,193
- Hardly.
58
00:02:28,193 --> 00:02:29,670
I call it taking a risk,
59
00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:31,740
which is something we
should all aspire to do.
60
00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:33,870
Not holding my puppet friends hostage
61
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equals clean, dry cheeks.
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Who here wants clean, dry cheeks
63
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- In a word? All of us.
64
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- Stick around. We'll be right back.
65
00:02:45,201 --> 00:02:47,701
(chill music)
66
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(audience applauds)
67
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I'm Poppy.
68
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This is the chamber and remember,
69
00:03:00,741 --> 00:03:03,224
whatever you catch, you keep,
70
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,238
but you only have 30 seconds.
71
00:03:05,238 --> 00:03:08,236
Three, two, one, go.
72
00:03:08,236 --> 00:03:09,468
(beep)
73
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(high energy music)
74
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,052
Not bad. Now it's time
to pay our sound guy.
75
00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:27,052
(high energy music)
76
00:03:30,447 --> 00:03:33,364
(record scratches)
77
00:03:36,268 --> 00:03:38,847
I don't have faith in
this next contestant.
78
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- Woo!
79
00:03:41,469 --> 00:03:42,302
(high energy music)
80
00:03:42,302 --> 00:03:45,478
- Wait. Wait, you guys, what is this?
81
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Guys, is this safe?
82
00:03:47,635 --> 00:03:48,468
(knocking on chamber)
83
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Hey, I just want a winner.
84
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,598
Wait, help! Help me!
85
00:03:53,445 --> 00:03:56,780
Hey, I'm gonna die.
Guys, my lungs (screams).
86
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Oh my God! What is going (coughs).
87
00:04:01,770 --> 00:04:02,913
- We found our loser.
88
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(mysterious music)
89
00:04:08,437 --> 00:04:12,090
(mysterious music)
90
00:04:12,090 --> 00:04:14,610
- Hello. I have a fortune for you.
91
00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:16,080
Hello. I have a fortune for you.
92
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,160
- No, thank you.
93
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,534
- Hello.
94
00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:19,381
- Hi.
95
00:04:19,381 --> 00:04:21,085
- Hi. Would you like your fortune read?
96
00:04:21,085 --> 00:04:22,180
- I gotta go to the class, but thank you.
97
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:25,110
- Okay, have fun. Hello? Would
you like your fortune read?
98
00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:28,500
- Are you AI? See?
99
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,030
- She asked if I was AI.
100
00:04:30,030 --> 00:04:31,674
We need them when they're drunk.
101
00:04:31,674 --> 00:04:33,877
Hello? I have a fortune for you.
102
00:04:33,877 --> 00:04:36,180
- I thought you were a
mannequin for a second.
103
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,285
- Who's your favorite actor?
104
00:04:37,285 --> 00:04:40,800
- Johnny Depp was my
favorite actor, I gotta say.
105
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:41,633
- Okay.
106
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,070
He's dead.
107
00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:47,880
- He's dead? Oh no. I
could see that happening.
108
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:48,900
- I heard this was free.
109
00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,760
- This is a free fortune.
110
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:51,600
- Okay, what do I have to do?
111
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,480
- Grimes is gonna ask you to
be a surrogate to her child.
112
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,470
- Who?
113
00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:57,000
- Say yes.
114
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:57,833
- Me?
115
00:04:57,833 --> 00:04:59,370
- But don't go to the appointment.
116
00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:01,050
If you let her sing anything
117
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:04,233
from her major label releases
to you, it's too late.
118
00:05:06,150 --> 00:05:08,277
Would you like another one?
119
00:05:08,277 --> 00:05:09,220
- No, I'm good. Thank you.
120
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:10,500
- Okay, thank you.
121
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,970
Your body is fine right now,
122
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:15,469
but in 2025, butts are out, boobs are out,
123
00:05:15,469 --> 00:05:17,748
legs are out, faces are out.
124
00:05:17,748 --> 00:05:19,953
Threw all of yours away.
125
00:05:20,850 --> 00:05:21,750
- Period.
126
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:24,690
Are you sure you don't
want your fortune read?
127
00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:25,770
- Is it for a charge?
128
00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:27,208
- No, it's free.
129
00:05:27,208 --> 00:05:28,290
- Okay.
130
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:30,930
- Your mom is not who she says she is.
131
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,190
You'll need to upgrade
132
00:05:32,190 --> 00:05:36,333
to our paid subscription to
learn more. Cash or card?
133
00:05:37,278 --> 00:05:40,170
(mysterious music)
134
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:42,120
You can stop recycling.
135
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,168
The universe does not need
you to recycle anymore.
136
00:05:45,168 --> 00:05:47,370
- Okay (laughs).
137
00:05:47,370 --> 00:05:49,706
- Okay. Can you buy me alcohol?
138
00:05:49,706 --> 00:05:51,503
- (laughs) Maybe.
139
00:05:51,503 --> 00:05:52,590
- Do you have a dog?
140
00:05:52,590 --> 00:05:53,423
- Yeah.
141
00:05:53,423 --> 00:05:55,916
- He's not who he says he is.
142
00:05:55,916 --> 00:05:58,500
- (chuckles) What? What do you mean?
143
00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,950
- That's all I'm seeing here.
144
00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:04,080
My last fortune is for myself.
145
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,143
I'm going to sleep really well
tonight. Starting right now.
146
00:06:10,702 --> 00:06:13,666
(soothing music)
147
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:16,666
(audience applauds)
148
00:06:20,465 --> 00:06:21,298
(swoosh sound)
149
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,040
Please welcome my next guest,
150
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,130
one of the victims of the
2004 day of Matthews Band
151
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:29,223
poop bus disaster, Cecilia Martino.
152
00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:33,930
(insects buzz)
(soggy footsteps)
153
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:34,763
- Hi Poppy.
154
00:06:34,763 --> 00:06:36,270
- Hi. Thank you for being here.
155
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:37,620
- Thank you for having me.
156
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:39,750
What was it like having 800 pounds
157
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,463
of human waste dumped on you?
158
00:06:43,873 --> 00:06:44,706
(soft piano music)
159
00:06:44,706 --> 00:06:47,250
- It's like having your whole
world crashing in on you
160
00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:50,130
except that world is about 800 pounds
161
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:53,880
of liquid human waste from
a tour bus septic tank.
162
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,780
So imagine about six to
seven guys taking turns,
163
00:06:57,780 --> 00:06:59,767
making dumps in a tour bus bathroom,
164
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:04,440
and that septic tank being dumped on you.
165
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,030
- [Poppy] That puts it into perspective.
166
00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:07,230
- Yeah.
167
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:08,910
- You're so brave.
168
00:07:08,910 --> 00:07:10,440
- Thank you.
169
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,870
- 800 pounds is quite a lot.
170
00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:14,670
This isn't the education episode,
171
00:07:14,670 --> 00:07:16,769
but can you let our audience members know
172
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:21,303
what that equates in
the number of... poops?
173
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,150
- So I ran the numbers
174
00:07:24,150 --> 00:07:26,460
and according to my calculations,
175
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:30,344
about six to seven band
members, a bus driver,
176
00:07:30,344 --> 00:07:34,174
maybe a couple friends on
tour, about two shits a day,
177
00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:38,700
eating buffets, spicy Indian food,
178
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,680
maybe some sweet treats,
179
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:45,480
I would say at least 4,321 shits according
180
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:49,740
to my calculations plus
a couple gallons of piss
181
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:50,883
and a few farts.
182
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,960
- Thank you. Would you say this experience
183
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,541
was a good example of taking risks?
184
00:07:57,541 --> 00:07:58,374
(soft piano music)
- Dave Matthews Band
185
00:07:58,374 --> 00:08:00,750
risked it all to appeal to a new fan base
186
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,850
and I know I speak for
everyone else on board
187
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:06,183
when I say... it definitely worked.
188
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,634
- Enlightening.
189
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:13,634
(elevator door bings)
(mellow elevator music)
190
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:17,580
Critics have applauded me
191
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,860
my entire career for taking risks.
192
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:21,660
Always been something of a risk taker
193
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:22,890
and that will never stop.
194
00:08:22,890 --> 00:08:24,530
It's actually kind of funny 'cause-
195
00:08:24,530 --> 00:08:26,400
(person yells)
196
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,698
- What was that?
197
00:08:27,698 --> 00:08:30,281
(person yells)
198
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,409
- 5,000 years!
199
00:08:34,409 --> 00:08:35,242
- What?
200
00:08:35,242 --> 00:08:37,080
- 5,000 years!
201
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,060
- Sir, would you like a Dasani?
202
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,533
- You will never catch me.
203
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,050
- What does everyone think?
204
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:45,000
- About what Poppy?
205
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,233
- Should I go after him?
206
00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:48,780
- After who?
207
00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:50,760
- Poppy, you're scaring us.
208
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,226
- None of us saw anything.
209
00:08:52,226 --> 00:08:56,010
But if there's something
you think you should do,
210
00:08:56,010 --> 00:08:58,050
you should probably do it.
211
00:08:58,050 --> 00:08:59,650
- You're right. I'm gonna do it.
212
00:09:01,984 --> 00:09:03,231
(mysterious music)
213
00:09:03,231 --> 00:09:05,566
- [Person] Help us Poppy.
214
00:09:05,566 --> 00:09:08,598
- They drained me in my dream room.
215
00:09:08,598 --> 00:09:11,186
- [Person] Please sign
my copy of Am I a Girl?
216
00:09:11,186 --> 00:09:12,019
It's your most misunderstood record.
217
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:12,852
- Wait, where are you?
218
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,883
I'd like to talk to you more about that.
219
00:09:15,979 --> 00:09:19,620
(mysterious music)
220
00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:21,510
- Archduke Franz Ferdinand?
221
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:25,350
- Yes, Poppy. It's me, the
Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
222
00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:27,543
Take my cane. You need it more than I do.
223
00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:30,330
- This is heavy.
224
00:09:30,330 --> 00:09:32,463
- That's because it's expensive.
225
00:09:32,463 --> 00:09:34,746
- Poppy, I need you to take me-
226
00:09:34,746 --> 00:09:36,173
(gun shots fire)
227
00:09:36,173 --> 00:09:38,740
- Ah! Why the fuck would you do that?
228
00:09:39,865 --> 00:09:42,030
- I thought you were gonna say
take you outta your misery.
229
00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:46,200
- What? No, I was going
to say, take me home.
230
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,910
I can't believe you did that.
231
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:50,343
That's so insane that you did that. Ah!
232
00:09:55,973 --> 00:10:00,263
- Poppy, you've returned.
It's been 5,000 years.
233
00:10:00,263 --> 00:10:02,010
- How did this happen?
234
00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:04,860
- We didn't know if you
were ever coming back.
235
00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:06,663
We had to find a new host.
236
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,930
- We thought we would never see you again.
237
00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:13,590
I did the best that I could.
Now I'm old and tired.
238
00:10:13,590 --> 00:10:16,773
- Here. You need this more than I do.
239
00:10:17,619 --> 00:10:19,726
(mysterious music)
240
00:10:19,726 --> 00:10:20,604
(electronic screech)
241
00:10:20,604 --> 00:10:23,271
- Poppy, who are you talking to?
242
00:10:23,271 --> 00:10:26,188
(mysterious music)
243
00:10:32,914 --> 00:10:35,747
(gurgling noises)
244
00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:40,740
- Thank you to everyone for taking a risk
245
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,710
and watching another
episode of Improbably Poppy.
246
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:47,030
- I'm gonna take a risk right now, Poppy.
247
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:47,863
Um... uh... um,
248
00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:52,590
will you go out with me?
249
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:56,700
- Oh, Jubilee, you're
incorrigible. No, but thank you.
250
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,820
Is anyone interested in a
musical performance? I am.
251
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,564
(audience applauds)
252
00:11:01,564 --> 00:11:03,849
♪ When you're in the trenches ♪
253
00:11:03,849 --> 00:11:06,536
♪ Touching all the itches ♪
254
00:11:06,536 --> 00:11:08,860
♪ Keep on looking forward ♪
255
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:12,171
♪ Don't look back ♪
256
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,480
♪ You'll come to your senses ♪
257
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,379
♪ Get with present tenses ♪
258
00:11:17,379 --> 00:11:20,340
♪ Find the self respect that you had ♪
259
00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:21,917
- It was there all along.
260
00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,317
♪ Do it, do it, go on ♪
261
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,292
♪ Try something new ♪
262
00:11:26,292 --> 00:11:27,888
♪ Something that scares you ♪
263
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:32,888
♪ Something that you've
always wanted to do ♪
264
00:11:32,917 --> 00:11:34,804
♪ Take a risk, take a risk ♪
265
00:11:34,804 --> 00:11:36,350
♪ Make it dangerous ♪
266
00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:37,542
♪ Take a risk, do it quick ♪
267
00:11:37,542 --> 00:11:38,948
♪ Just for the buzz ♪
268
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:43,948
♪ You know that you're alive because ♪
269
00:11:44,443 --> 00:11:45,680
♪ You took a risk, took a risk ♪
270
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,184
♪ Made it dangerous ♪
271
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:48,398
♪ Took a risk, did it quick ♪
272
00:11:48,398 --> 00:11:49,794
♪ Just for the buzz ♪
273
00:11:49,794 --> 00:11:54,266
♪ You know that you're alive because ♪
274
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:59,266
♪ You didn't up ♪
275
00:12:01,348 --> 00:12:04,841
♪ You know that you're alive because ♪
276
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:09,841
♪ You didn't give up ♪
277
00:12:12,195 --> 00:12:14,523
♪ Sitting on the fence and ♪
278
00:12:14,523 --> 00:12:17,425
♪ Waiting on the benches ♪
279
00:12:17,425 --> 00:12:22,425
♪ Never gonna get you too far ♪
280
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,281
♪ If you're always patient ♪
281
00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:28,241
♪ And never complaining ♪
282
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:32,848
♪ How they gonna know what you want ♪
283
00:12:32,848 --> 00:12:35,018
♪ Do it, do it, go on ♪
284
00:12:35,018 --> 00:12:37,180
♪ Try something new ♪
285
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,985
♪ Something that scares you ♪
286
00:12:38,985 --> 00:12:43,985
♪ Something that you've
always wanted to do ♪
287
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:45,713
♪ Take a risk, take a risk ♪
288
00:12:45,713 --> 00:12:47,030
♪ Make it dangerous ♪
289
00:12:47,030 --> 00:12:48,426
♪ Take a risk, do it quick ♪
290
00:12:48,426 --> 00:12:49,780
♪ Just for the buzz ♪
291
00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:54,780
♪ You know that you're alive because ♪
292
00:12:55,178 --> 00:12:56,525
♪ You took a risk, took a risk ♪
293
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:57,676
♪ Made it dangerous ♪
294
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,161
♪ Took a risk, did it quick ♪
295
00:12:59,161 --> 00:13:00,557
♪ Just for the buzz ♪
296
00:13:00,557 --> 00:13:04,953
♪ You know that you're alive because ♪
297
00:13:04,953 --> 00:13:09,953
♪ You didn't give up ♪
298
00:13:12,155 --> 00:13:15,871
♪ You know that you're alive because ♪
299
00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:18,954
♪ You didn't give up ♪
300
00:13:23,843 --> 00:13:26,676
(indie pop music)
301
00:13:55,546 --> 00:13:58,617
(swords clash)
302
00:13:58,617 --> 00:14:00,180
- So, the lips of wisdom are closed,
303
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:01,830
but yet to the ears of understanding.
304
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:04,650
- You are wise beyond your years.
305
00:14:04,650 --> 00:14:05,820
- I am just wise.
306
00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:06,690
- You are wise.
307
00:14:06,690 --> 00:14:08,080
- Beyond.
308
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:08,913
- Beyond.
309
00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,041
- Your ears.
310
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:11,193
- Is that clear?
21548
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