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1
00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,766
Commander, it's Agent Beamish.
2
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:11,636
Verify.
3
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:14,335
It's him, sir.
4
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,858
Activate the door.
5
00:01:19,905 --> 00:01:20,906
What's up, sir?
6
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:22,299
The fate of the world,
7
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:23,735
the president's blood
pressure and you!
8
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,172
Sit down, sit down!
9
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:28,697
I have the president on
security channel three, sir.
10
00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,702
As most of you know,
11
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:37,575
our foremost atmospheric
physicist Dr. Marcus Hottentot
12
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,925
achieved a remarkable
breakthrough last week
13
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,493
when he discovered
the Hottentot formula,
14
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:45,366
the key to global
climate control.
15
00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:48,760
This past week, he disappeared.
16
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:51,720
Today I learned the Hottentot
formula is in the hands
17
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:55,463
of a terrorist
organization called KAOS.
18
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:58,640
They have used our formula
to create their own
19
00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:00,642
weather machine,
which is capable...
20
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,122
The president should
be wearing an overcoat.
21
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:03,601
He's gonna freeze to death.
22
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:04,950
He should be in his office.
23
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:08,519
Just minutes ago, I
was contacted by KAOS.
24
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,086
- He is in his office.
- Demanding we pay them
25
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,959
$250 billion in small
bills within seven days.
26
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,920
This added to our
deficit problem
27
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,836
makes the situation intolerable.
28
00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:26,450
KAOS must be destroyed
before they destroy us.
29
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:30,672
I put the fate of our nation
in your capable hands.
30
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:34,806
What do we think?
31
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,373
I think this is
just another snow job
32
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:37,679
from the White House.
33
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:40,116
Hottentot was a recluse,
lived in his laboratory.
34
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,772
How did KAOS know
about him, contact him?
35
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:51,736
I strongly suspect we have
a double agent in our midst.
36
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,390
Wait a minute,
37
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,870
you mean it could be someone
in our own organization?
38
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:57,655
Unfortunately, yes, and
this presents a major problem.
39
00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:00,136
Who do I trust to
head this operation?
40
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,746
If you're right,
41
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:03,661
I suggest we find somebody
outside the company.
42
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,185
I have just the fella.
43
00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:06,490
Now what was his name?
44
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:08,623
He worked for us
years ago at Control.
45
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,625
That was an agency we
created back in the '60s
46
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:14,194
to deal exclusively with
the evil organization KAOS.
47
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:17,849
I can see him, beady
eyes, weird voice.
48
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,590
Maxwell Smart.
49
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:21,636
Well, let's see if
he's still active.
50
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,203
Run a check, Williams.
51
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,860
Maxwell Smart, currently
serving as a protocol officer
52
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,776
for the State Department,
substituting for
senior officials
53
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:34,039
who want to avoid functions
such as ship christenings,
54
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,824
weddings, funerals,
circumcision.
55
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:36,955
Good, he's still with us.
56
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,653
How can we reach Smart now?
57
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,830
He has a shoe phone, sir.
58
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:43,484
A shoe phone?
59
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,225
In those days, shoe
phones were standard issue
60
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,096
for all Control
agents, let's call him.
61
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:51,622
Merriweather, Control was
phased out almost 20 years ago.
62
00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:54,582
It's inconceivable to me that
anybody in his right mind
63
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:57,759
would still be
wearing his phone.
64
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,587
Oh, well, give it a try.
65
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,241
Get Smart.
66
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,253
- What?
- What?
67
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,656
Gentlemen, I'm afraid you're
going to have to carry on
68
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,614
without me.
69
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,671
Sorry about that.
70
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:55,643
This is Maxwell Smart,
Agent 86 speaking.
71
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:56,948
This is Commander Drury,
72
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:59,734
head of the United States
Intelligence Agency.
73
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:02,780
This is the single most
important telephone call
74
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:05,217
you will ever receive.
75
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,089
The fate of the world
depends upon you.
76
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,221
Could you hold that
thought for a second, sir?
77
00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:12,050
Someone's coming.
78
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,578
He put the world on hold.
79
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,932
Sorry, Commander,
you were saying?
80
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,238
This is the single most
important telephone call
81
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:27,805
you will ever receive.
82
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:30,634
The fate of the civilized
world depends upon you.
83
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,767
What about our side, sir?
84
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:36,161
Smart, I want,
what was that noise?
85
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,641
Could my phone be bugged?
86
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,817
Could be my phone,
I have shoe waiting.
87
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:43,821
I'll get back to ya.
88
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:47,782
- Hello, 99.
- Max!
89
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:48,826
I have some very
exciting news for you,
90
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:50,132
but I'm gonna have
to call ya back,
91
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,177
because I'm on my other shoe.
92
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:53,831
Commander, go ahead.
93
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,094
Smart, I think it would
be immeasurably easier
94
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,661
if I tell you in person.
95
00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:02,753
Could you speak a
little louder, sir?
96
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:05,103
They're throwing
dirt in my grave.
97
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:06,714
They're throwing dirt in your?
98
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:08,672
You handle this.
99
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,152
Smart, Lambert here.
100
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:13,242
The commander wants
you to report to,
101
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:14,112
hello?
102
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,288
He's not answering.
103
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:17,812
His phone's out of order, sir.
104
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:20,380
Well, try his other shoe.
105
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,946
I can't believe I said that.
106
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,774
It's unlisted, Commander.
107
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,820
He's bound to contact us, sir.
108
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,691
He doesn't know where we are.
109
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:29,214
In all probability,
110
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,216
he'll report to the old
Control secret headquarters.
111
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:32,783
Good, where's that?
112
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:35,873
I don't know, it was
a well kept secret.
113
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:52,472
Yes.
114
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:55,779
I think I like it.
115
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,259
I like it, too.
116
00:07:57,302 --> 00:08:00,392
But I'm not sure about
America's most glamorous spy.
117
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:03,483
Oh, well, of course it's
hard for you to be objective.
118
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:06,398
I'm convinced that we've got
a bestseller in the making,
119
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,791
if we can get...
120
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:09,706
Me to finish the book.
121
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,360
I seem to have three
problems with writing:
122
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,057
how to start a sentence,
how to continue it,
123
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,711
and how to finish it.
124
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:15,495
Oh, nonsense, everyone
thinks you're doing
125
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:16,887
a marvelous job.
126
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,410
Everyone?
127
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,456
I thought my manuscript
was being kept top secret.
128
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,067
It is, no one's
read it except Nick,
129
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:25,722
my assistants Allison and
Claudia, Chuck, and myself.
130
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,811
Well, please don't
let anyone else see it.
131
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,987
Some of this material
may still be classified,
132
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,381
and until we get it cleared,
I'm a little apprehensive.
133
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,122
Oh, well, of course,
134
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,340
of course.
135
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:36,994
Oh, afraid I'm gonna
have to run along.
136
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,126
I've got a lunch date.
137
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,823
We'll see you soon,
138
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:42,130
with the new pages, I hope.
139
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,220
Lisa.
140
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,264
- Mr. Smart is here.
- Oh, by all means,
141
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:47,831
send him in.
142
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:48,528
Your husband's here.
143
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,529
Max here?
144
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:50,878
I wonder why.
145
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,838
99, I've got some very
exciting news for you.
146
00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,361
I got a call on my shoe phone.
147
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:59,451
I may be reactivated, and
I want you to give me your,
148
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,322
oh, hello.
149
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:03,325
Max, this is Lisa
Spencer my editor.
150
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:04,239
Oh, how do you do?
151
00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:05,457
Nice to meet you.
152
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:06,894
Oh, Mr. Smart, this
is a great honor.
153
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,243
I've been reading all about you.
154
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,854
You are quite a remarkable man.
155
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,421
Yes.
156
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,858
And congratulations
on being reactivated.
157
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:18,775
Ah, well, that's not
official, my being reactivated.
158
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,473
Look, you two wanna talk,
I've got an early lunch.
159
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:22,910
Why not use my office?
160
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:23,954
You're sure it'll be all right?
161
00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:25,521
Oh, of course.
162
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,175
Your wife's book's gonna be a
best seller, don't you think?
163
00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:28,829
Well, I certainly hope so.
164
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,787
I'm looking forward
to reading it.
165
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:31,875
You haven't read it yet?
166
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,573
We agreed there
could be a conflict.
167
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:36,097
I'm planning on
writing my memoirs.
168
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,926
Make sure you bring them to us.
169
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,885
Who called you
on your shoe, Max?
170
00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,365
Commander Drury,
171
00:09:43,408 --> 00:09:45,541
head of the United States
Intelligence Agency.
172
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,977
What did he say?
173
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:48,588
That the fate of the
world was in my hands.
174
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,024
You know, the usual.
175
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,591
Anyway, I'm supposed
to report immediately.
176
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:52,504
Where?
177
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:53,897
Well, I can't tell you that.
178
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,072
Is it a secret?
179
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,857
I have no secrets from you, 99,
180
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,423
it's just that my shoe
phone was demolished
181
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,338
before I could
complete the call,
182
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:01,818
and I didn't know where to go,
183
00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,994
and then when I went over
to Control headquarters,
184
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,561
I found it was abandoned.
185
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,258
Oh, maybe it's
just as well, Max.
186
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:09,478
You've been out of the spy
business for a long time,
187
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:11,915
and being an agent
is very taxing.
188
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,569
Are you sure you can handle it?
189
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,179
Handle it, handle it?
190
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,572
Are you kidding me, 99?
191
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,443
I'm in the best shape
of my life, look at me,
192
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,620
physically and mentally
I'm at my peak.
193
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:21,621
I have the eyes of an eagle.
194
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,361
I have the reflexes
of a leopard.
195
00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,188
I have
196
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:28,279
the beginning of
a very bad hernia.
197
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:33,241
Max, why don't we
try the yellow pages?
198
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,634
The yellow pages?
199
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,287
Sure, they list
government agencies.
200
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:37,854
Don't be ridiculous, 99.
201
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,508
The United States
Intelligence Agency
202
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,205
may be a part of the government,
203
00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:43,468
but it's a clandestine
organization.
204
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,470
It deserves total security.
205
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:46,558
It's top secret.
206
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,473
It's undercover.
207
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:49,649
It's 555-3931.
208
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,307
It's Smart, sir.
209
00:10:56,351 --> 00:10:58,266
Bring him in.
210
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:07,318
Commander Drury, Maxwell
Smart reporting for duty.
211
00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:18,590
Yeah, well, Smart, I
want an honest evaluation.
212
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,592
Are you in good enough
physical condition
213
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:23,639
to return to active duty as
a counterintelligence agent?
214
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,510
You appear to be in
pretty good shape.
215
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:26,598
Do you work out?
216
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:29,514
Commander, I jog
100 miles every day.
217
00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:31,168
Would you believe it, 100 miles?
218
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,996
I find that hard to believe.
219
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,476
Would you believe 50?
220
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,651
No.
221
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,698
How 'bout two push-ups
and deep breath?
222
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:41,352
Sit down, sit down, Smart.
223
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:43,180
This is Major Waterhouse.
224
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:44,007
Major.
225
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,444
Sorry about that.
226
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:50,361
Now, Smart, I want
your personal guarantee
227
00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:53,582
that you are physically capable
of handling this assignment.
228
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:56,324
Sir, my vision is 20/20.
229
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,979
My pulse is 90 beats per minute.
230
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:01,633
My blood pressure
is 120 over 70,
231
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,679
and I have the same
waistline I had
232
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,681
when I was three years old.
233
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,031
Yeah, I was a fat kid.
234
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:11,556
How 'bout a refill?
235
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,210
No.
236
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:16,605
Now, Smart, what I'm about
to tell you is top secret.
237
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,347
Well, if it's top secret, sir,
238
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:22,306
then we should use
the cone of silence.
239
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,133
The what?
240
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,569
The cone of silence,
241
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:27,007
it's an obsolete
anti-bugging device.
242
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,573
Well, it's not
really obsolete, sir.
243
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,098
As a matter of
fact, I bought one
244
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:34,101
at the Control garage sale,
it's hanging over my bed.
245
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,189
Over your bed?
246
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:37,017
I talk in my sleep.
247
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:40,237
No cone of silence,
this office is secure.
248
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,675
Well, sir, the
manual clearly states,
249
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:46,591
Major, I'm going
to cross my legs.
250
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,115
Thank you.
251
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,986
The manual clearly states
252
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,119
that if you're having a
top-secret conference,
253
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:55,035
you should be using an
anti-bugging device.
254
00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:56,123
Where's our manual?
255
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:56,776
It's on the shelf.
256
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:57,646
I'll get it.
257
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:06,002
Here's the manual.
258
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:09,789
Unfortunately, someone
spilled coffee on it.
259
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:16,186
Major, can I borrow
your handkerchief?
260
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:17,709
Use your own handkerchief.
261
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:20,582
Well, mine is filled with
tea from my last meeting.
262
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:23,541
We don't need the manual.
263
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,021
Unfortunately, Smart is right.
264
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:27,632
In the case of an E-1 emergency,
and this certainly is one,
265
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,286
we have to use hover cover.
266
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,722
Hover cover!
267
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:34,596
Of course, hover cover, it's
vital we use hover cover.
268
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:37,164
Gentlemen, it is my
unqualified opinion
269
00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:40,602
that we cannot do
without hover cover.
270
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,560
Just one question.
271
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:44,258
What is hover cover?
272
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:57,271
Smart, KAOS is back in business.
273
00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,274
What?
274
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:03,668
He says KAOS is
back in business!
275
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:04,539
What?
276
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:17,160
KAOS has a machine that can
destroy all life on earth.
277
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,683
Sounds serious.
278
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,860
What kind of a machine?
279
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,385
What did he say?
280
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:28,476
He said this is going nowhere.
281
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:31,696
I have no idea what that means.
282
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:38,616
Lose the choppers!
283
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:39,661
What?
284
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:42,794
Lose the choppers,
get rid of them!
285
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:50,150
Now, Smart, I want
you to listen to me,
286
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:53,283
because I'm going to say
what I have to say once
287
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:54,502
and only once.
288
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:57,548
One, KAOS has a weather machine.
289
00:14:57,592 --> 00:15:00,900
It is capable of changing
the world as we know it.
290
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:02,640
Changing the
world as we know it,
291
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,816
that's a very hopeful sign, sir.
292
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:08,429
Two, they can produce
acid rain, destroy our crops
293
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,648
and pollute our water.
294
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:14,217
You mean they can do that
better than we're doing it now?
295
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:18,395
Three, there is a
mole in our organization
296
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,745
and he turned Dr. Hottentop.
297
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:21,790
Into what?
298
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:24,358
If I may,
299
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,751
Hottentot's a traitor.
300
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,318
I find that hard to believe.
301
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:29,537
Why would he defect?
302
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:30,930
It doesn't make any sense.
303
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,671
He sold his formula to
KAOS for a million dollars.
304
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,543
How you make ask
do we know that?
305
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,327
I wouldn't ask that.
306
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,286
We know that because
in the last hour
307
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:40,896
one of our surveillance
teams intercepted him
308
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,593
trying to get out
of the country.
309
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,291
Hottentot got away,
310
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,597
but we do have all nine
pounds of his wallet.
311
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,599
Well, it just
doesn't make any sense.
312
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,906
Hottentot was never
interested in money,
313
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,734
and besides that we have
nothing to worry about,
314
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:54,562
because his formula
never worked.
315
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:55,780
It does now.
316
00:15:57,434 --> 00:16:00,481
Smart, your mission is to
locate and infiltrate KAOS,
317
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,874
eliminate the madman
behind this heinous plot,
318
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,442
and destroy their
diabolical machine.
319
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:06,748
How much time do I have?
320
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,750
Until midnight the 23rd.
321
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,622
Six days!
322
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,884
Are you kidding?
323
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,583
That's ridiculous, I
can't do this in six days!
324
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:16,845
Smart, that's seven days.
325
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,586
Oh, okay.
326
00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:20,588
Is there anything
else you need from us?
327
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,329
Well, I'd like to
reactivate Control
328
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:23,547
and get my old team back.
329
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:24,984
Granted, if
they're still around.
330
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,986
I'd also like to look
in the Hottentot files.
331
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,423
There may be something
in there that I can use.
332
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:32,469
Our records are warehoused
at 9042743rd Street.
333
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:33,427
You got that?
334
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:36,473
Everything but the address.
335
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:40,695
9042743rd Street, my aid
Beamish will meet you there.
336
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:46,701
Now, Smart, remember,
KAOS will do everything
337
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:49,008
in its power to
try and stop you.
338
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:51,662
You'll be in imminent danger
and constant jeopardy,
339
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,013
facing death at every turn.
340
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,579
And loving it.
341
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,584
Let's get outta here.
342
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:01,890
No!
343
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,544
I don't wanna go
through that again.
344
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:04,806
We'll take a cab.
345
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,682
- So long fellas!
- No!
346
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:14,511
Oh no!
347
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:26,001
Mr. Smart, I just wanna
say that working with you
348
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,524
is the highlight of my career.
349
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:28,873
Well, thank you, Beamish.
350
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,397
How long have you
been with the agency?
351
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,789
Three days.
352
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:35,706
Mr. Smart, what's the
secret of your success?
353
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,883
Constant vigilance,
razor-sharp instincts,
354
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,885
and hold it.
355
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:49,242
- Freeze!
- Or your garbage!
356
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:50,678
Or your garbage?
357
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:51,896
I heard it in a movie.
358
00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:06,694
Okay, closet's clear.
359
00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:11,002
I've gotta remember
that, check all closets.
360
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:13,353
Here's the latest
in security devices,
361
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,050
the finger-identification panel.
362
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,967
If your fingerprint doesn't
match the one on file,
363
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,664
the door doesn't open.
364
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:24,494
Then I guess it's important
to bring the right fingers.
365
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,764
How many agents do
ya have on file?
366
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,549
About a million if you
count the freelancers
367
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:37,072
and the temps.
368
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,552
Where do they
keep the old Control files?
369
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,597
Down here.
370
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:43,600
How do these things work?
371
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,559
Well, they're
electronically sealed.
372
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,691
You have to use
a remote control,
373
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:49,911
which doesn't seem
to be working.
374
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:52,479
It's working.
375
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:53,306
Sorry.
376
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:57,614
I'm sorry, I pushed
the wrong button.
377
00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:58,659
You okay?
378
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,095
Yes.
379
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:02,967
13!
380
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:04,882
Max!
381
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:06,667
I was just dreaming about you.
382
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,886
And I was just
talking about you.
383
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,671
Where have you been
keeping yourself?
384
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:14,414
Oh, here and there, it's
just part-time spying now.
385
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,416
Two weeks in a toilet in Toledo,
386
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,113
a voodoo drum in Haiti.
387
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,594
That was kind of
fun, like a vacation.
388
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:21,638
What's new, Max?
389
00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,684
KAOS is back in business.
390
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,468
Does that mean we're
back in business, too?
391
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,862
Well, if I can find
Hymie and Larrabee.
392
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,864
Well, if these
files are correct,
393
00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,431
Hymie should be working for
394
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:33,476
the National Car
Testing Institute.
395
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,436
The National Car Testing
Institute, what's he doing?
396
00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:37,828
He's a crash dummy.
397
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:39,395
And Larrabee, he
should still be over
398
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,788
at the old Control building.
399
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,006
But that's impossible.
400
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,618
That building is empty,
it's been condemned.
401
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:45,880
Well, that's strange.
402
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,751
Well, so is Larrabee.
403
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:50,145
What about 99, is
she on the team, too?
404
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,625
Of course, we're having lunch,
405
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:53,148
I'm gonna tell her about it.
406
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,151
Max, what's our
assignment, find Hottentot?
407
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,458
13, how did you know that?
408
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,721
I've still got my contacts, Max.
409
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:04,594
I've got a friend inside the
White House, really inside.
410
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,727
She's in the plumbing.
411
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:09,382
Now, what's KAOS's
latest demand?
412
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:11,601
Well, they threatened
to destroy the world
413
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:14,822
unless we pay them $250 billion.
414
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,650
Why is it always us?
415
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:19,000
Why does America have
to always foot the bill?
416
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:20,741
I mean, where are our allies?
417
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:22,395
You'd think we'd
hear from Japan.
418
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,091
We did.
419
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:23,918
Oh?
420
00:20:23,961 --> 00:20:25,746
They sent a 100 bucks.
421
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,008
Mr. Smart!
422
00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:28,618
I'll be with you
in a minute, Beamish.
423
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:29,880
13, find Hottentot.
424
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:37,410
Mr. Smart, the
Hottentot file is missing.
425
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,673
Now is not the time
to panic, Beamish.
426
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:41,022
It's probably been misfiled.
427
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,676
Look under M for Marcus.
428
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,547
Right, right.
429
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:46,027
No, no, it's not here.
430
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,115
Now we panic.
431
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:48,595
What are we?
432
00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:49,726
Oh, here it is.
433
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:55,166
Sorry, I lost my cool, I was
sure it was taken by KAOS.
434
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,692
Mr. Smart, do you have any
idea who the double agent
435
00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:00,215
could be?
436
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,696
Well, Beamish, I'm sorry
to say it could be anybody.
437
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:05,699
It could be the commander, it
could be me, it could be you.
438
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:06,917
Don't move.
439
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,528
It could be him.
440
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:09,572
Turn around, face the
files, put your hands on top,
441
00:21:09,616 --> 00:21:10,878
and spread your legs.
442
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,924
Turn around and face
the file, put your hand.
443
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,839
What was that part
about the legs?
444
00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:17,101
Move!
445
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,538
Move, don't
move, make up your mind.
446
00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:20,801
I got another job, fella.
447
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,237
Okay, by the numbers this time,
448
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,934
or you're dead meat, Smart.
449
00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:26,546
Turn and face the files,
put your hands on top,
450
00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:27,982
spread your legs.
451
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,508
Hi-yah!
452
00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,599
Where's the Hottentot file?
453
00:21:36,643 --> 00:21:37,861
Right this way.
454
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:03,278
Goodnight.
455
00:22:07,804 --> 00:22:09,589
Mr. Smart, you
know who that is?
456
00:22:09,632 --> 00:22:10,677
No, who?
457
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,635
Bronski, KAOS's
number one killer.
458
00:22:12,679 --> 00:22:13,593
Number one?
459
00:22:13,636 --> 00:22:15,159
I thought he was number nine.
460
00:22:15,203 --> 00:22:17,553
No, the new ratings are out,
and he went right to the top.
461
00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:18,728
Well, that's ridiculous.
462
00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:21,252
KAOS has better
killers than Bronski.
463
00:22:21,296 --> 00:22:22,602
It's not how good you are,
464
00:22:22,645 --> 00:22:24,212
it's where you stand
in the ratings.
465
00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:30,000
How can we tell our
leader, our new leader,
466
00:22:30,044 --> 00:22:33,613
that we did not the
Hottentot papers?
467
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:35,136
He will want to
know what happened.
468
00:22:35,179 --> 00:22:37,617
I will want to
know what happened.
469
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:40,184
In 10 words or
less, what happened?
470
00:22:40,228 --> 00:22:41,882
I don't know.
471
00:22:41,925 --> 00:22:46,103
Well, at least that's less
than 10 words, you nitwit!
472
00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:49,063
Perhaps he can
tell us, Siegfried.
473
00:22:49,106 --> 00:22:52,066
Well, why don't
you bring him in?
474
00:22:56,723 --> 00:22:57,985
All right, Major, what happened?
475
00:22:58,028 --> 00:23:00,988
Why do we not have
the Hottentot papers?
476
00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:02,163
Uh.
477
00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:03,991
We don't uh here!
478
00:23:05,993 --> 00:23:07,690
Siegfried's office.
479
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:08,778
Yes, sir!
480
00:23:10,127 --> 00:23:11,781
Siegfried, it's our new leader.
481
00:23:11,825 --> 00:23:14,349
He wants to know what happened.
482
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:15,306
Uh.
483
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:16,873
We don't uh here!
484
00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,353
- What happened?
- That is precisely what we
485
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,181
are trying to find out, sir.
486
00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:23,140
- Find out.
- Yeah, the major is here now.
487
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:25,621
The agent I sent to get the
papers was an incompetent.
488
00:23:25,665 --> 00:23:26,579
Do you hear that, sir?
489
00:23:26,622 --> 00:23:27,710
Yes, what happened?
490
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:28,668
Yeah.
491
00:23:28,711 --> 00:23:30,713
Did Control capture our agent.
492
00:23:30,757 --> 00:23:31,758
Yes.
493
00:23:31,801 --> 00:23:33,107
Ah, then he'll talk.
494
00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:36,240
No, he won't, I killed
him 20 minutes ago.
495
00:23:36,284 --> 00:23:38,329
Did you hear the good news, sir?
496
00:23:38,373 --> 00:23:39,853
- Smart.
- Smart?
497
00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:42,682
Don't worry about Maxwell
Smart, we will take care of him.
498
00:23:42,725 --> 00:23:44,074
You better not fail.
499
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:45,685
We will not fail this time.
500
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:47,382
We are finished with
blunders and bloops.
501
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:48,905
I hope so,
502
00:23:48,949 --> 00:23:50,341
for your sake, carry on.
503
00:23:55,129 --> 00:23:56,043
Shtarker.
504
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:57,218
Yeah?
505
00:23:57,261 --> 00:23:59,394
Oh, I need something
for my stomach.
506
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,222
Cummerbund?
507
00:24:01,265 --> 00:24:03,267
Idiot, for the inside.
508
00:24:05,095 --> 00:24:07,663
Siegfried, I've never
seen you so upset.
509
00:24:07,707 --> 00:24:11,711
I'm two years away from
retiring, and out of nowhere
510
00:24:11,754 --> 00:24:14,844
KAOS is taken over by a
corporate trader, a crazy man.
511
00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:16,280
Oh, the pressure,
512
00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:18,413
you have no idea what
the pressure is like.
513
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:21,068
I've got headaches, high
blood pressure, insomnia.
514
00:24:21,111 --> 00:24:24,027
I'm a capitalist
casualty, a merger victim.
515
00:24:24,071 --> 00:24:25,899
You don't have to
worry about Smart.
516
00:24:25,942 --> 00:24:26,726
Why not?
517
00:24:26,769 --> 00:24:27,814
He's as good as dead.
518
00:24:27,857 --> 00:24:29,729
What makes you so sure?
519
00:24:29,772 --> 00:24:31,208
The more you know about a man,
520
00:24:31,252 --> 00:24:32,688
the easier it is to kill him.
521
00:24:32,732 --> 00:24:35,212
The material you gave me
to read was invaluable.
522
00:24:35,256 --> 00:24:37,084
Where'd you get such
a complete biography?
523
00:24:37,127 --> 00:24:39,173
That is no concern of yours.
524
00:24:39,216 --> 00:24:41,741
Well, my compliments
to whoever wrote it.
525
00:24:41,784 --> 00:24:43,960
I know everything there
is to know about smart,
526
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:46,876
his way of life, his
patterns, his habits.
527
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,226
If I choose, I can become
like him, act like him,
528
00:24:49,270 --> 00:24:50,750
even think like him.
529
00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:53,100
That I would not advice.
530
00:24:53,143 --> 00:24:56,843
What I would advise is for
you to kill Maxwell Smart
531
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:59,280
before he puts
his team together.
532
00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:00,673
You don't have to
worry about that.
533
00:25:00,716 --> 00:25:02,283
If he does that,
I'll kill 'em all.
534
00:25:02,326 --> 00:25:03,502
All right, but remember,
535
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:06,896
make sure you give us
the group rate, yeah?
536
00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:07,810
Good.
537
00:25:26,742 --> 00:25:27,395
Max!
538
00:25:34,750 --> 00:25:36,143
Max, great to see you again.
539
00:25:36,186 --> 00:25:37,100
Are you okay?
540
00:25:37,144 --> 00:25:38,319
Well, I think so, Hymie.
541
00:25:38,362 --> 00:25:39,755
What was that all about?
542
00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:41,191
You forgot, the last
time we were together,
543
00:25:41,235 --> 00:25:43,803
you said that I hope we run
into each other real soon.
544
00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,762
Oh, Hymie, you robots always
take everything so literally.
545
00:25:46,806 --> 00:25:49,069
That was just an
idiomatic expression.
546
00:25:49,112 --> 00:25:51,419
I'm not familiar
with that phrase, Max.
547
00:25:51,462 --> 00:25:52,289
Skip it.
548
00:25:53,247 --> 00:25:54,770
Stop it, Hymie.
549
00:25:54,814 --> 00:25:57,033
Sometimes you could
drive a person up a wall.
550
00:25:57,077 --> 00:25:58,905
Don't do it, Hymie!
551
00:25:58,948 --> 00:26:01,124
We need you to come back
to work for Control.
552
00:26:01,168 --> 00:26:02,909
Sure, when you need
me you come around,
553
00:26:02,952 --> 00:26:04,519
otherwise I never hear from you.
554
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:07,130
It really hurts, Max, I'm
not made of stone, you know?
555
00:26:07,174 --> 00:26:08,741
I'm sorry, Hymie.
556
00:26:08,784 --> 00:26:10,307
Sorry, you always
say you're sorry.
557
00:26:10,351 --> 00:26:12,005
You never write, you never call.
558
00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:13,528
You missed all my birthdays.
559
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:15,748
I'm never invited to your
club and you know why?
560
00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:18,533
I'll tell you why, because they
don't allow my kind in there
561
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:19,447
that's why.
562
00:26:19,490 --> 00:26:20,491
That's ridiculous, Hymie.
563
00:26:20,535 --> 00:26:22,755
We have a cybernaut in my club.
564
00:26:22,798 --> 00:26:24,452
Sure, token robot.
565
00:26:24,495 --> 00:26:26,323
What's this all about, Max?
566
00:26:26,367 --> 00:26:27,934
KAOS is back in business.
567
00:26:27,977 --> 00:26:31,328
KAOS, Max, I'd really
love to work with you again,
568
00:26:31,372 --> 00:26:33,287
but I'm not programmed
for spying anymore.
569
00:26:33,330 --> 00:26:34,897
I only do crashes.
570
00:26:34,941 --> 00:26:36,769
Well, I'm sure we
can work something out
571
00:26:36,812 --> 00:26:38,335
if we just put our
heads together.
572
00:26:38,379 --> 00:26:40,860
No!
573
00:26:40,903 --> 00:26:43,776
Hymie, I think we'd be
a lot less conspicuous
574
00:26:43,819 --> 00:26:45,516
if you'd get in the car.
575
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,476
If I get in the car,
I have to crash it.
576
00:26:48,519 --> 00:26:50,391
Well, what do ya think?
577
00:26:50,434 --> 00:26:52,088
Nothing in this
dossier to indicate
578
00:26:52,132 --> 00:26:54,090
why Hottentot would defect.
579
00:26:54,134 --> 00:26:55,526
That's what I thought.
580
00:26:55,570 --> 00:26:56,919
Do you think there's something
about him we don't know?
581
00:26:56,963 --> 00:26:59,269
I doubt it, the man was a loner.
582
00:26:59,313 --> 00:27:00,706
He lived for his work.
583
00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:03,883
The only person he was close
to was another scientist.
584
00:27:03,926 --> 00:27:05,145
I missed that, who?
585
00:27:05,188 --> 00:27:06,407
Dr. Denton.
586
00:27:06,450 --> 00:27:08,496
I think we're there, Max.
587
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:14,023
Looks like we've got company.
588
00:27:14,067 --> 00:27:15,503
Smart is stopping.
589
00:27:15,546 --> 00:27:16,852
Should I park?
590
00:27:16,896 --> 00:27:18,071
Wait a minute.
591
00:27:19,942 --> 00:27:21,204
He isn't.
592
00:27:21,248 --> 00:27:23,424
He just passed up
a parking space.
593
00:27:23,467 --> 00:27:25,339
He's going from meter to meter.
594
00:27:25,382 --> 00:27:26,253
Why?
595
00:27:26,296 --> 00:27:27,428
It's because he's cheap.
596
00:27:27,471 --> 00:27:30,605
He's looking for a
meter with time on it.
597
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:35,523
Now he's parking in a red zone.
598
00:28:09,470 --> 00:28:11,037
They headed for the
old Control building.
599
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:12,299
That's perfect.
600
00:28:12,342 --> 00:28:13,692
It's deserted, it's a
great place to kill him.
601
00:28:13,735 --> 00:28:14,693
Yeah.
602
00:28:28,228 --> 00:28:29,751
Definitely trouble.
603
00:28:35,148 --> 00:28:36,715
I've gotta talk to 13.
604
00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:38,586
13, I tried to keep
in touch with him,
605
00:28:38,629 --> 00:28:40,153
but he never returned my calls.
606
00:28:40,196 --> 00:28:41,676
I took his number
out of my book.
607
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:42,546
Stop!
608
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:47,116
Hi, Max.
609
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,466
Hey, it's great to be
out and about again.
610
00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:50,990
What's up?
611
00:28:51,033 --> 00:28:52,731
We're being followed by a
man in a black leather jacket
612
00:28:52,774 --> 00:28:54,515
with a mustache.
613
00:28:54,558 --> 00:28:56,212
Leave it to me, Max.
614
00:28:56,256 --> 00:28:57,692
I gotta get going.
615
00:28:57,736 --> 00:28:59,738
There's a colleague coming.
616
00:29:21,368 --> 00:29:22,586
Oh hi, Max.
617
00:29:22,630 --> 00:29:24,850
Don't tell me you forgot
my egg salad sandwich.
618
00:29:24,893 --> 00:29:26,112
Hello, Larrabee.
619
00:29:26,155 --> 00:29:27,548
Hymie, glad to see ya.
620
00:29:27,591 --> 00:29:29,811
Hard to believe, you
never call, you never write.
621
00:29:29,855 --> 00:29:30,812
Enough.
622
00:29:30,856 --> 00:29:33,467
Larrabee, what are
you doing here?
623
00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:35,208
Watering my plants.
624
00:29:35,251 --> 00:29:36,687
Watering your plant?
625
00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:39,778
Larrabee, Control has been
out of business for 15 years.
626
00:29:39,821 --> 00:29:41,214
I heard that rumor, too.
627
00:29:41,257 --> 00:29:42,737
What rumor?
628
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:45,218
In 15 years, have you received
one letter, one phone call?
629
00:29:45,261 --> 00:29:46,436
No, not one.
630
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:47,742
Not you.
631
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:51,790
In 15 years, have you had
one visitor, one memo?
632
00:29:53,879 --> 00:29:55,663
I have a memo right here.
633
00:29:55,706 --> 00:29:57,404
I'll always cherish it.
634
00:29:57,447 --> 00:29:58,840
It's signed by the president.
635
00:29:58,884 --> 00:30:00,407
The president.
636
00:30:00,450 --> 00:30:02,365
To stay at your
post until relieved,
637
00:30:02,409 --> 00:30:05,325
Richard M. Nixon, President.
638
00:30:05,368 --> 00:30:07,675
Max, are you my relief,
'cause I gotta get home.
639
00:30:07,718 --> 00:30:09,459
Larrabee, get your
coat and your hat
640
00:30:09,503 --> 00:30:11,766
and let's get outta here.
641
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:13,202
Where are we going?
642
00:30:13,246 --> 00:30:14,638
Control lab, I've gotta
get Hymie reprogramed
643
00:30:14,682 --> 00:30:17,772
and pick up the latest
equipment from Spy World.
644
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:18,642
Come on.
645
00:30:20,470 --> 00:30:21,645
Well, what's our mission?
646
00:30:21,689 --> 00:30:23,647
To find Dr. Marcus
Hottentot, he defected.
647
00:30:23,691 --> 00:30:25,824
I can't believe that,
he'd never defect.
648
00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:27,260
You knew Marcus Hottentot?
649
00:30:27,303 --> 00:30:28,827
I didn't know him
as Marcus Hottentot.
650
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:30,263
I knew him as Marcia Hopkins.
651
00:30:30,306 --> 00:30:31,220
Marcia Hopkins?
652
00:30:31,264 --> 00:30:32,395
Changed his name.
653
00:30:32,439 --> 00:30:34,180
Sounds like he
changed more than that.
654
00:30:34,223 --> 00:30:35,442
Where did you meet him?
655
00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:36,443
On a blind date,
but I liked him,
656
00:30:36,486 --> 00:30:37,661
so I never said anything.
657
00:30:37,705 --> 00:30:39,838
Of course, KAOS
blackmailed Hottentot.
658
00:30:39,881 --> 00:30:40,926
That's why he defected.
659
00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:42,710
I hope he's all right.
660
00:30:42,753 --> 00:30:46,322
He was a brilliant scientist
and a great tango dancer.
661
00:31:23,272 --> 00:31:24,839
What was that?
662
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:25,796
Beats me.
663
00:31:30,714 --> 00:31:33,326
I can only put
him into the S mode.
664
00:31:33,369 --> 00:31:35,676
Exactly what does that mean?
665
00:31:35,719 --> 00:31:37,678
He'll be programed for spying,
666
00:31:37,721 --> 00:31:40,333
but he'll also want
to ski and shop.
667
00:31:40,376 --> 00:31:43,814
Well, I'll keep him away
from mountains and malls.
668
00:31:43,858 --> 00:31:45,512
Excuse me.
669
00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:48,515
Doctor, I have Agent Smart's
cashmere combat jacket,
670
00:31:48,558 --> 00:31:50,952
his slacks, and
his magnetic shoes.
671
00:31:50,996 --> 00:31:52,693
Magnetic shoes?
672
00:31:52,736 --> 00:31:56,784
Yes, this is essentially
a defensive weapon.
673
00:31:56,827 --> 00:31:58,525
It attracts metal,
674
00:31:59,395 --> 00:32:01,006
or is attracted to it.
675
00:32:02,485 --> 00:32:03,269
Thanks.
676
00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:04,531
Here, Mr. Smart,
677
00:32:04,574 --> 00:32:06,968
slip into our latest
technological triumph.
678
00:32:07,012 --> 00:32:10,363
Although this appears to
be an ordinary sports coat,
679
00:32:10,406 --> 00:32:13,279
it is in reality
a size 40 regular
680
00:32:13,322 --> 00:32:15,716
megabyte mainframe computer.
681
00:32:15,759 --> 00:32:18,762
The material in this jacket
is composed of thousands
682
00:32:18,806 --> 00:32:21,983
of cotton microchips
interwoven with silk spun
683
00:32:22,027 --> 00:32:25,856
from specially bred silkworms
from the Silicon Valley.
684
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:28,772
This jacket is user
friendly and is compatible
685
00:32:28,816 --> 00:32:31,819
with almost any software shirt.
686
00:32:31,862 --> 00:32:35,649
The four buttons on each
sleeve are computer keys,
687
00:32:35,692 --> 00:32:37,694
so you are virtually
a walking arsenal
688
00:32:37,738 --> 00:32:39,044
and communications center.
689
00:32:39,087 --> 00:32:40,480
Are there any questions?
690
00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:43,004
Does it come in navy blue?
691
00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:45,572
Will Agents Hymie and
Larrabee require jackets?
692
00:32:45,615 --> 00:32:46,921
Yes.
693
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,314
Gentlemen, I'll need
to take your measurement,
694
00:32:48,357 --> 00:32:51,056
waist, neck, sleeve,
inseam, nostril.
695
00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:52,448
Nostril?
696
00:32:52,492 --> 00:32:53,928
We have perfected a mini camera
697
00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:56,409
that fits right into your nose.
698
00:32:56,452 --> 00:32:58,802
All you have to do is press
this button on your jacket
699
00:32:58,846 --> 00:33:01,675
and your elbow will record
what your nose sees.
700
00:33:01,718 --> 00:33:04,591
Well, wouldn't it be
better if my nose recorded
701
00:33:04,634 --> 00:33:06,071
what my elbow sees?
702
00:33:06,114 --> 00:33:07,028
- No.
- No?
703
00:33:07,072 --> 00:33:08,464
- No.
- No.
704
00:33:08,508 --> 00:33:11,641
Simply because in your
elbow-patch compartment
705
00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,034
there is a mini recorder
706
00:33:13,078 --> 00:33:14,949
plus everything
else you might need,
707
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:18,822
a mini magnet, a mini
gun, and a mini condom.
708
00:33:18,866 --> 00:33:23,001
I'm curious, what use do
we have for a mini magnet?
709
00:33:24,828 --> 00:33:27,570
All you need to know
is in your mini manual,
710
00:33:27,614 --> 00:33:30,878
which is in your other
elbow-patch compartment.
711
00:33:30,921 --> 00:33:32,793
How do we access
the elbow patches?
712
00:33:32,836 --> 00:33:34,969
Just press the
first cuff button.
713
00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:37,798
I thought the first cuff
button worked my nostrils.
714
00:33:37,841 --> 00:33:39,800
No, that's the
third cuff button.
715
00:33:39,843 --> 00:33:41,802
I thought that was
the second cuff button.
716
00:33:41,845 --> 00:33:43,934
No, the second
cuff button activates
717
00:33:43,978 --> 00:33:45,806
the cuff-button phone.
718
00:33:45,849 --> 00:33:48,852
When this button lights up,
you have an incoming call.
719
00:33:48,896 --> 00:33:51,812
To answer, lift the
cuff to your ear,
720
00:33:51,855 --> 00:33:53,683
talk into your lapel.
721
00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:57,513
Is that the left lapel
or the right lapel?
722
00:33:57,557 --> 00:33:58,775
The right is for local calls,
723
00:33:58,819 --> 00:34:00,125
the left is for long distance.
724
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:03,563
Long distance, do I get
my choice of carriers?
725
00:34:03,606 --> 00:34:05,695
Excuse me, If you'd
like these jackets
726
00:34:05,739 --> 00:34:08,481
to have cuff calling, I need
to leave now, Dr. Denton.
727
00:34:08,524 --> 00:34:10,744
I wish I could join you.
728
00:34:10,787 --> 00:34:13,660
Dr. Denton, did you
know Dr. Hottentot?
729
00:34:13,703 --> 00:34:16,706
Dr. Hottentot,
um, not really, no.
730
00:34:17,881 --> 00:34:20,145
I believe he was a
friend of my father's.
731
00:34:20,188 --> 00:34:21,581
So you knew him?
732
00:34:21,624 --> 00:34:23,670
Yes, I knew him, but
I didn't know him well.
733
00:34:23,713 --> 00:34:26,499
Actually, I see
very little of him.
734
00:34:26,542 --> 00:34:28,805
My super sensitized
sonic sensor says
735
00:34:28,849 --> 00:34:31,025
you are not telling the truth.
736
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,854
I should never have
put you in the S mode.
737
00:34:33,897 --> 00:34:35,943
Of course you're right.
738
00:34:35,986 --> 00:34:37,684
I spoke to Marcus yesterday.
739
00:34:37,727 --> 00:34:39,860
He called me, he
sounded desperate.
740
00:34:39,903 --> 00:34:41,514
Doc, do ya know where he is?
741
00:34:41,557 --> 00:34:42,993
No.
742
00:34:43,037 --> 00:34:44,604
Well, did he call you at
home, or did he call you here?
743
00:34:44,647 --> 00:34:45,431
Here.
744
00:34:45,474 --> 00:34:46,214
Good.
745
00:34:46,258 --> 00:34:47,607
These are security phones,
746
00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:49,087
that means that
they're monitored.
747
00:34:49,130 --> 00:34:49,957
Thanks, Doc.
748
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,654
Okay, it's late,
749
00:34:51,698 --> 00:34:53,091
I want you guys to put a
trace on that phone call,
750
00:34:53,134 --> 00:34:54,440
and get me in address.
751
00:34:54,483 --> 00:34:55,832
I'm gonna pick up 99.
752
00:34:55,876 --> 00:34:58,835
Then we're gonna put our
team together and move out.
753
00:34:58,879 --> 00:35:00,794
We've got one week
to save the world.
754
00:35:00,837 --> 00:35:03,536
Lucky it's this week, we set
our clocks back on Sunday.
755
00:35:03,579 --> 00:35:05,799
That gives us an extra hour.
756
00:35:07,801 --> 00:35:09,542
Excuse me.
757
00:35:09,585 --> 00:35:10,934
My name is Maxwell Smart.
758
00:35:10,978 --> 00:35:13,633
I have a reservation for
two, I'm meeting my wife.
759
00:35:13,676 --> 00:35:14,938
No, you're not.
760
00:35:14,982 --> 00:35:17,767
What do you mean no I'm not?
761
00:35:17,811 --> 00:35:18,942
Commander!
762
00:35:18,986 --> 00:35:20,553
You've got a day job.
763
00:35:20,596 --> 00:35:22,729
Smart, I have been
trying to get you all day
764
00:35:22,772 --> 00:35:24,209
on your cuff phone.
765
00:35:24,252 --> 00:35:25,906
Yes, well, I didn't hear
it, I mean, I didn't see it.
766
00:35:25,949 --> 00:35:27,777
I mean, I can't get
used to these things.
767
00:35:27,821 --> 00:35:30,693
You cannot meet 99 for lunch.
768
00:35:30,737 --> 00:35:32,739
Current regulations
prohibit spouses
769
00:35:32,782 --> 00:35:34,828
with dependent children
from working together.
770
00:35:34,871 --> 00:35:37,874
But the twins aren't
dependent, they're in college.
771
00:35:37,918 --> 00:35:39,180
I'm sorry, there's
not a thing I can do.
772
00:35:39,224 --> 00:35:41,226
That is the
president's decision.
773
00:35:41,269 --> 00:35:44,925
99 and I work so well
together, we're a terrific team.
774
00:35:44,968 --> 00:35:47,710
Why, do you know that we
were spy couple of the year
775
00:35:47,754 --> 00:35:48,972
in 1968?
776
00:35:49,016 --> 00:35:51,714
Out of the question,
now go and find a phone,
777
00:35:51,758 --> 00:35:55,979
call your wife, and tell her
you cannot meet her for lunch.
778
00:35:56,023 --> 00:35:57,764
She's already seen me.
779
00:35:57,807 --> 00:36:00,201
All right, have lunch
with her, but do not,
780
00:36:00,245 --> 00:36:01,811
and I'm going to repeat this,
781
00:36:01,855 --> 00:36:04,684
do not tell her anything
about your assignment.
782
00:36:04,727 --> 00:36:06,903
You're asking me to lie to 99.
783
00:36:06,947 --> 00:36:08,253
I've never lied
to her in my life,
784
00:36:08,296 --> 00:36:10,255
and I'm not gonna
start lying now.
785
00:36:10,298 --> 00:36:13,780
Smart, lying to 99 is the
last thing I want you to do.
786
00:36:13,823 --> 00:36:15,956
- Good.
- Try everything else first.
787
00:36:15,999 --> 00:36:18,785
Good afternoon,
Monsieur, Mademoiselle.
788
00:36:24,007 --> 00:36:24,791
Hi.
789
00:36:24,834 --> 00:36:25,835
Hi.
790
00:36:25,879 --> 00:36:26,793
I'm sorry I'm late.
791
00:36:26,836 --> 00:36:28,142
Oh, I'm sorry I went ahead.
792
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:30,100
I have to bring these
pages back to Lisa by 2:30.
793
00:36:30,144 --> 00:36:31,537
Well, I'm not really hungry, 99,
794
00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:33,234
and it's almost 2:30 now.
795
00:36:33,278 --> 00:36:35,802
Oh, well, come walk with me
and tell me how things went.
796
00:36:35,845 --> 00:36:37,804
On second thought, 99,
797
00:36:37,847 --> 00:36:40,546
I think I might order a
little something to eat.
798
00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:43,288
I just had some
sudden hunger pains.
799
00:36:43,331 --> 00:36:45,159
Max, that's a new
jacket, I like it.
800
00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:46,552
Where'd you get it?
801
00:36:46,595 --> 00:36:48,815
The jacket, yes,
well, you know me, 99,
802
00:36:48,858 --> 00:36:51,905
I never know where
I get these things.
803
00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:54,168
Would Bellman's carry
a jacket like this?
804
00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:55,082
Sure.
805
00:36:55,125 --> 00:36:56,257
Then that's where I got it.
806
00:36:56,301 --> 00:36:57,824
Max, come on, I
can't wait any longer.
807
00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:58,738
Tell me what happened.
808
00:36:58,781 --> 00:37:00,696
Are you back with Control?
809
00:37:02,350 --> 00:37:04,918
Max, I can't hear you with the
menu in front of your face.
810
00:37:04,961 --> 00:37:06,876
Have you been reactivated?
811
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,008
Ah, the veal.
812
00:37:08,051 --> 00:37:09,749
Max, look at me.
813
00:37:09,792 --> 00:37:11,272
Tell me what happened.
814
00:37:11,316 --> 00:37:14,101
Well, 99, it wasn't
exactly what you'd think.
815
00:37:14,144 --> 00:37:18,845
I mean, we didn't really, I
mean, I never, they didn't.
816
00:37:18,888 --> 00:37:21,021
Could you say that
a little more clearly?
817
00:37:21,064 --> 00:37:22,240
No.
818
00:37:22,283 --> 00:37:23,806
Max!
819
00:37:23,850 --> 00:37:25,199
Your cuff button is blinking.
820
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:28,115
Ah, yes, that, well,
that's just probably
821
00:37:28,158 --> 00:37:29,986
a reflection from the silver.
822
00:37:30,030 --> 00:37:31,640
Would you like to
order something, sir?
823
00:37:31,684 --> 00:37:35,078
Would I ever, yes,
indeed, yes, yes, yes.
824
00:37:36,166 --> 00:37:37,037
Shrimp cocktail.
825
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:38,908
Shrimp cocktail.
826
00:37:38,952 --> 00:37:39,909
Smoked eel.
827
00:37:39,953 --> 00:37:42,869
Oh, smoked eel.
828
00:37:42,912 --> 00:37:43,739
Crab capellini.
829
00:37:43,783 --> 00:37:44,740
Capellini.
830
00:37:44,784 --> 00:37:46,133
Endive and watercress salad.
831
00:37:46,176 --> 00:37:47,656
Salad.
832
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:48,962
Asparagus vinaigrette.
833
00:37:49,005 --> 00:37:50,877
Listen, 99, if you
have some place to go,
834
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:55,316
don't let me hold you up,
because I plan to eat a lot.
835
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,796
Clams on the half shell.
836
00:37:56,839 --> 00:37:57,710
Clams.
837
00:37:57,753 --> 00:37:59,712
Peppered brie and puff pastry.
838
00:37:59,755 --> 00:38:01,366
Would you come back
in a moment, please?
839
00:38:01,409 --> 00:38:02,323
Certainly.
840
00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:03,803
Max, is something wrong?
841
00:38:03,846 --> 00:38:05,021
- No.
- I'm gonna call Lisa
842
00:38:05,065 --> 00:38:06,327
and cancel my appointment.
843
00:38:06,371 --> 00:38:07,720
No, no, don't call Lisa.
844
00:38:07,763 --> 00:38:09,330
Everything is
perfectly all right.
845
00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:11,114
No, I think I need
to be here with you.
846
00:38:11,158 --> 00:38:13,073
No, you don't need to be here.
847
00:38:13,116 --> 00:38:15,684
You don't need to
be here now, I mean.
848
00:38:15,728 --> 00:38:18,818
Later, you need to be here, I
mean, later at home you need
849
00:38:18,861 --> 00:38:20,254
- to be with me.
- Max, there's nothing here
850
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:22,952
that I'm doing today
that I can't do tomorrow.
851
00:38:22,996 --> 00:38:24,127
What's wrong?
852
00:38:26,826 --> 00:38:29,219
My love affair with Agent 12?
853
00:38:31,178 --> 00:38:34,747
I had only been at the
agency a short time
854
00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:36,879
when he came into my life.
855
00:38:36,923 --> 00:38:38,316
Maybe I had better
be going, Max.
856
00:38:38,359 --> 00:38:39,795
We'll talk at home, okay?
857
00:38:39,839 --> 00:38:42,015
99, how could you
do such a thing?
858
00:38:42,058 --> 00:38:44,234
12 isn't even a romantic number.
859
00:38:44,278 --> 00:38:47,716
Oh, Max, it's so flattering
that after all these years,
860
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:49,370
you can still be jealous,
861
00:38:49,414 --> 00:38:51,938
and it's so tempting to
take advantage of it,
862
00:38:51,981 --> 00:38:53,156
but I can't.
863
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,942
Agent 12 was my mentor,
and I did love him,
864
00:38:55,985 --> 00:38:57,857
but like a grandfather.
865
00:38:57,900 --> 00:38:59,424
Yours our somebody else's?
866
00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:00,947
My grandfather.
867
00:39:01,817 --> 00:39:03,036
Really?
868
00:39:03,079 --> 00:39:05,212
Oh, Max, I could
never lie to you,
869
00:39:05,255 --> 00:39:08,128
anymore than you
could lie to me.
870
00:39:08,171 --> 00:39:09,390
Now, shall we talk?
871
00:39:09,434 --> 00:39:12,785
Talk, yes, well, 99,
this isn't the time
872
00:39:12,828 --> 00:39:13,786
or the place to talk.
873
00:39:13,829 --> 00:39:15,353
We can talk later at home.
874
00:39:15,396 --> 00:39:16,136
You're sure?
875
00:39:16,179 --> 00:39:16,963
Yes.
876
00:39:17,006 --> 00:39:18,443
Okay.
877
00:39:18,486 --> 00:39:19,357
Bye bye.
878
00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:26,799
What would you like first, sir?
879
00:39:37,026 --> 00:39:38,854
What a minute, what do
you think you're doing?
880
00:39:38,898 --> 00:39:41,161
There's still a minute
left on that parking meter.
881
00:39:41,204 --> 00:39:43,206
Instead of harassing
innocent citizens,
882
00:39:43,250 --> 00:39:45,426
you should be out after
the real criminals,
883
00:39:45,470 --> 00:39:47,472
the murderers, the
killers, the arsonists.
884
00:39:47,515 --> 00:39:50,344
They're the ones who
deserve parking tickets.
885
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,173
I don't care, I'm
gonna fight this!
886
00:39:53,216 --> 00:39:54,043
What?
887
00:39:54,914 --> 00:39:55,915
What?
888
00:39:55,958 --> 00:39:57,395
It's not a ticket!
889
00:39:59,048 --> 00:39:59,875
Oh.
890
00:40:03,792 --> 00:40:05,838
Meet Hymie at 661 K Street.
891
00:40:16,805 --> 00:40:17,980
Thanks, Hymie.
892
00:40:18,938 --> 00:40:20,461
I tried to reach you
on your cuff phone,
893
00:40:20,505 --> 00:40:23,290
but you didn't answer, that's
why the meter maid message.
894
00:40:23,333 --> 00:40:25,379
There are complications.
895
00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:27,903
The president wants to
talk to Hottentot personally.
896
00:40:27,947 --> 00:40:30,166
He wants you to take him
right to the White House.
897
00:40:30,210 --> 00:40:31,429
Where is he?
898
00:40:31,472 --> 00:40:34,170
He has a room in
the first floor.
899
00:40:36,216 --> 00:40:37,957
He's in 108.
900
00:40:46,966 --> 00:40:48,315
I think he's in there.
901
00:40:48,358 --> 00:40:50,012
Dr. Hottentot, open the door.
902
00:40:50,056 --> 00:40:52,101
We know you're in there.
903
00:40:52,145 --> 00:40:54,452
Doctor, this is Maxwell Smart.
904
00:40:54,495 --> 00:40:57,498
If you don't open this door
by the time I count to three,
905
00:40:57,542 --> 00:40:59,848
we're gonna kick the door down.
906
00:40:59,892 --> 00:41:01,850
Maybe we should call
the landlady, Max.
907
00:41:01,894 --> 00:41:03,896
I don't think she
can kick the door down.
908
00:41:03,939 --> 00:41:05,027
She might have a pass key.
909
00:41:05,071 --> 00:41:06,507
We don't have time for that.
910
00:41:06,551 --> 00:41:07,552
Ready?
911
00:41:07,595 --> 00:41:08,901
One, two,
912
00:41:08,944 --> 00:41:11,469
three.
913
00:41:15,298 --> 00:41:17,387
Dr. Hottentot, I presume.
914
00:41:18,954 --> 00:41:22,218
I don't expect forgiveness,
I'm just glad it's over.
915
00:41:22,262 --> 00:41:23,872
It's not over, Doctor.
916
00:41:23,916 --> 00:41:25,918
Dr. Hottentot,
you have to tell us
917
00:41:25,961 --> 00:41:27,441
who you gave the formula to.
918
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,008
Well, his name is...
919
00:41:29,051 --> 00:41:29,878
Duck!
920
00:41:31,053 --> 00:41:32,577
Why did you do that?
921
00:41:32,620 --> 00:41:36,058
Because every time someone
is about to reveal the name
922
00:41:36,102 --> 00:41:38,321
of a murderer or
traitor, they get shot.
923
00:41:38,365 --> 00:41:39,584
Now, Dr. Hottentot,
924
00:41:39,627 --> 00:41:42,195
ya have to tell us who
you gave the formula to.
925
00:41:42,238 --> 00:41:46,939
Well, his name is...
926
00:41:51,030 --> 00:41:53,511
He's not gonna make it, Max.
927
00:41:55,382 --> 00:41:57,950
Doc, who is the double agent?
928
00:42:00,561 --> 00:42:01,910
What did he say?
929
00:42:01,954 --> 00:42:04,609
He asked me to get
my knee off his chest.
930
00:42:04,652 --> 00:42:07,525
Doc, the double
agent, who is it?
931
00:42:07,568 --> 00:42:09,004
Cigarette.
932
00:42:09,048 --> 00:42:10,615
No, thank you, I quit.
933
00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:13,269
Who is the double agent?
934
00:42:13,313 --> 00:42:15,228
His name is not known
935
00:42:16,446 --> 00:42:17,622
- to me.
- I can't hear ya, Doc,
936
00:42:17,665 --> 00:42:18,579
speak up.
937
00:42:18,623 --> 00:42:20,625
Max, why don't you record him?
938
00:42:20,668 --> 00:42:24,498
Look, Doc, I want you
to look into my nostril
939
00:42:24,542 --> 00:42:26,544
and speak into my elbow.
940
00:42:29,459 --> 00:42:31,331
I put the formula...
941
00:42:31,374 --> 00:42:32,985
No, no, no, you believe this?
942
00:42:33,028 --> 00:42:34,987
The man is speaking
into my nostril.
943
00:42:35,030 --> 00:42:37,598
I don't want you to speak
into my nostril, I hate that.
944
00:42:37,642 --> 00:42:40,993
I want you to speak
into my elbow.
945
00:42:41,036 --> 00:42:42,298
Sorry.
946
00:42:42,342 --> 00:42:45,432
I put the formula
in an airport locker
947
00:42:45,475 --> 00:42:48,609
and they had the money
in another locker.
948
00:42:48,653 --> 00:42:51,656
Doctor, did KAOS take
you to their headquarters?
949
00:42:51,699 --> 00:42:53,658
No, I never saw anybody.
950
00:42:55,050 --> 00:42:56,661
Max, he's dying.
951
00:42:56,704 --> 00:42:58,184
Dying!
952
00:42:58,227 --> 00:43:01,013
Come on, Doc, give us a
break, give us something!
953
00:43:01,056 --> 00:43:02,536
What happens if we
find the machine?
954
00:43:02,580 --> 00:43:04,669
How do stop them from using it?
955
00:43:04,712 --> 00:43:07,715
Hamlet, Hamlet,
and Spal-Spalding.
956
00:43:09,021 --> 00:43:11,414
Can't understand him.
957
00:43:11,458 --> 00:43:13,982
Cigarette, I need a cigarette.
958
00:43:14,026 --> 00:43:15,636
Will ya forget about
the cigarettes, already?
959
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:17,333
They could be hazardous
to your health.
960
00:43:17,377 --> 00:43:18,639
They could kill ya.
961
00:43:20,467 --> 00:43:21,294
See?
962
00:43:22,861 --> 00:43:24,471
Gentlemen, what
I'm about to say is top secret
963
00:43:24,514 --> 00:43:25,559
and confidential.
964
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:26,821
Don't
worry, Mr. President.
965
00:43:26,865 --> 00:43:29,215
Security's gone over
every inch of this room.
966
00:43:29,258 --> 00:43:31,260
We are not bugged,
we are not tapped.
967
00:43:31,304 --> 00:43:33,001
Feel free to speak, sir.
968
00:43:33,045 --> 00:43:36,396
Shouldn't we close the window?
969
00:43:37,484 --> 00:43:38,790
Up until three weeks ago,
970
00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:41,183
Hottentot was a
forgotten scientist.
971
00:43:41,227 --> 00:43:43,272
Most of us working
here didn't know him.
972
00:43:43,316 --> 00:43:44,534
When he perfected his formula,
973
00:43:44,578 --> 00:43:46,972
he became our best kept secret.
974
00:43:47,015 --> 00:43:50,018
Now, how did KAOS
find out about him?
975
00:43:50,062 --> 00:43:53,021
Smart, did Hottentot
say anything meaningful
before he died?
976
00:43:53,065 --> 00:43:56,546
Well, Mr. President, he
said something about Hamlet
977
00:43:56,590 --> 00:43:57,547
and Spalding.
978
00:43:57,591 --> 00:43:59,767
Did you record him, Smart?
979
00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:00,507
Yes.
980
00:44:00,550 --> 00:44:01,682
Good, get me the tape,
981
00:44:01,726 --> 00:44:03,771
and I'll have the
crypto boys slow it down
982
00:44:03,815 --> 00:44:05,468
and see if they can make
something out of it.
983
00:44:05,512 --> 00:44:07,775
We've got to double our
efforts to find the mole
984
00:44:07,819 --> 00:44:09,472
or quadruple them if necessary.
985
00:44:09,516 --> 00:44:12,475
Mr. President, I
know how you feel
986
00:44:12,519 --> 00:44:15,957
and how you disapprove of
spouses working together,
987
00:44:16,001 --> 00:44:20,527
but I do feel that my wife would
be a great help on my team.
988
00:44:20,570 --> 00:44:22,007
Well, I'm sure she would, Smart,
989
00:44:22,050 --> 00:44:24,313
but I'm categorically opposed
to couples working together
990
00:44:24,357 --> 00:44:26,881
on a mission as
dangerous as this.
991
00:44:28,883 --> 00:44:31,538
Sir, this just arrived.
992
00:44:31,581 --> 00:44:33,888
I knew it was high priority.
993
00:44:35,281 --> 00:44:37,239
This is a response to my
request for an emergency meeting
994
00:44:37,283 --> 00:44:38,632
with our allies.
995
00:44:41,461 --> 00:44:43,071
Something wrong,
Mr. President?
996
00:44:43,115 --> 00:44:44,246
Something wrong?
997
00:44:44,290 --> 00:44:45,639
Read this!
998
00:44:45,683 --> 00:44:48,555
They don't believe that
KAOS has a weather machine.
999
00:44:48,598 --> 00:44:51,036
Smart, we're alone in this.
1000
00:44:51,079 --> 00:44:53,386
I'm counting on
you more than ever.
1001
00:44:53,429 --> 00:44:55,605
Believe me, it's not easy to
send a man off on a mission
1002
00:44:55,649 --> 00:44:57,825
which some of my cabinet
members characterize
1003
00:44:57,869 --> 00:44:59,435
as one of certain death.
1004
00:44:59,479 --> 00:45:00,915
Certain death?
1005
00:45:00,959 --> 00:45:04,310
Yes, but in my opinion,
I have no other choice.
1006
00:45:04,353 --> 00:45:07,313
Could we get a second opinion?
1007
00:45:33,426 --> 00:45:37,430
Before going to sleep, Smart
usually has a midnight snack.
1008
00:45:37,473 --> 00:45:39,954
I want you to kill
him in the kitchen.
1009
00:45:58,712 --> 00:45:59,539
Max?
1010
00:46:00,583 --> 00:46:01,628
Go to sleep, 99.
1011
00:46:01,671 --> 00:46:02,455
I can't.
1012
00:46:02,498 --> 00:46:03,499
Why not?
1013
00:46:03,543 --> 00:46:04,544
You're sitting on me.
1014
00:46:04,587 --> 00:46:05,414
Oh.
1015
00:46:08,374 --> 00:46:10,463
Max, how come
you're home so late?
1016
00:46:10,506 --> 00:46:13,466
Late, yes, well, I had to
go to a ship christening.
1017
00:46:13,509 --> 00:46:15,163
At 2:30 in the morning?
1018
00:46:15,207 --> 00:46:17,513
The Navy has a very low budget,
1019
00:46:17,557 --> 00:46:20,342
and they don't like a lot
of people standing around
1020
00:46:20,386 --> 00:46:23,563
while they're using
that cheap champagne.
1021
00:46:25,565 --> 00:46:27,697
Max, tell me about today.
1022
00:46:27,741 --> 00:46:29,699
Were you reactivated?
1023
00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:30,526
No.
1024
00:46:30,570 --> 00:46:33,051
Oh, Max, I'm so sorry.
1025
00:46:33,094 --> 00:46:35,009
Oh, you knew at
lunch, didn't you?
1026
00:46:35,053 --> 00:46:36,445
Yes.
1027
00:46:36,489 --> 00:46:38,970
You must be so disappointed.
1028
00:46:39,013 --> 00:46:41,363
But then why did
the agency call you?
1029
00:46:41,407 --> 00:46:44,976
Look, 99, I have
had a very tough day.
1030
00:46:45,019 --> 00:46:48,240
I mean, I am so tired,
I'm ready to collapse.
1031
00:46:48,283 --> 00:46:50,068
Why don't we talk
about it tomorrow
1032
00:46:50,111 --> 00:46:52,026
and let me get a
little sleep right now?
1033
00:46:52,070 --> 00:46:53,549
Could you do me a favor
and open the window?
1034
00:46:53,593 --> 00:46:54,550
It's stuffy in here.
1035
00:46:54,594 --> 00:46:55,508
Oh, sure.
1036
00:46:57,553 --> 00:46:59,425
Wouldn't you feel better
if we talked about it, Max?
1037
00:46:59,468 --> 00:47:02,558
No, no, 99, I don't
wanna talk about it.
1038
00:47:02,602 --> 00:47:05,648
I just wanna get a
good night's sleep
1039
00:47:06,606 --> 00:47:09,565
and fix myself a nice
cup of hot cocoa.
1040
00:47:09,609 --> 00:47:11,263
I thought you said
you were exhausted.
1041
00:47:11,306 --> 00:47:13,526
Yes, well, I am exhausted, 99,
1042
00:47:13,569 --> 00:47:15,702
but when I get exhausted
I get overtired,
1043
00:47:15,745 --> 00:47:17,573
and I just can't get to sleep
1044
00:47:17,617 --> 00:47:20,489
without a cup of
nice, hot cocoa.
1045
00:47:20,533 --> 00:47:21,534
But don't you worry about it,
1046
00:47:21,577 --> 00:47:23,144
because I'm gonna
close the door,
1047
00:47:23,188 --> 00:47:25,407
so you can't hear me making it.
1048
00:47:25,451 --> 00:47:27,409
Max, why don't you
just count sheep?
1049
00:47:27,453 --> 00:47:30,108
You remember what happened
the last time you made cocoa?
1050
00:47:30,151 --> 00:47:34,199
Yes, well, we were gonna
redo the kitchen anyway, 99.
1051
00:47:34,242 --> 00:47:35,504
Well, be careful, hmm?
1052
00:47:37,637 --> 00:47:38,464
I will.
1053
00:48:05,665 --> 00:48:07,058
Max!
1054
00:48:07,101 --> 00:48:09,625
It's all right, 99, I
just dropped the cocoa.
1055
00:48:09,669 --> 00:48:10,800
Go back to sleep.
1056
00:48:13,325 --> 00:48:14,500
- Shh!
- What's going on down there?
1057
00:48:14,543 --> 00:48:16,676
I just dropped it again.
1058
00:48:47,533 --> 00:48:49,578
Listen you've got to be quiet.
1059
00:48:49,622 --> 00:48:52,668
You don't happen to have
a silencer on you, do ya?
1060
00:49:25,223 --> 00:49:26,180
Wait a minute!
1061
00:49:26,224 --> 00:49:27,094
Do me a favor.
1062
00:49:27,138 --> 00:49:28,356
What?
1063
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:29,531
Hold these while I
read ya your rights.
1064
00:49:30,489 --> 00:49:31,359
Max, are you all right?
1065
00:49:31,403 --> 00:49:32,317
Yes.
1066
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:32,882
You've been reactivated.
1067
00:49:32,926 --> 00:49:34,536
Oh, yes,
1068
00:49:34,580 --> 00:49:36,190
I'm so glad I don't have
to lie to you anymore, 99.
1069
00:49:36,234 --> 00:49:37,626
I can finally tell ya the truth.
1070
00:49:37,670 --> 00:49:38,497
What is the truth, Max?
1071
00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:40,194
I can't tell you that, 99.
1072
00:49:40,238 --> 00:49:41,543
It's a secret mission?
1073
00:49:42,588 --> 00:49:44,111
Max, he's getting away!
1074
00:49:44,155 --> 00:49:45,895
Well, what do you
want me to do, 99?
1075
00:49:45,939 --> 00:49:47,201
Sorry, Max.
1076
00:49:50,770 --> 00:49:52,554
Max, was that man from KAOS?
1077
00:49:52,598 --> 00:49:53,903
How did you know that, 99?
1078
00:49:53,947 --> 00:49:55,209
Remember Grubnik?
1079
00:49:55,253 --> 00:49:57,385
Of course, Grubnik the spoiler.
1080
00:49:57,429 --> 00:50:00,649
Right, in 1969, he was
traded by KAOS to thrush
1081
00:50:00,693 --> 00:50:03,565
for a rookie killer and
two minor league muggers.
1082
00:50:03,609 --> 00:50:06,177
That man was Vedermeyer,
one of the muggers.
1083
00:50:06,220 --> 00:50:09,223
Of course, I should've
remembered his clammy hands.
1084
00:50:09,267 --> 00:50:10,572
What's this all about, Max?
1085
00:50:10,616 --> 00:50:12,139
Oh, I can't tell ya that, 99.
1086
00:50:12,183 --> 00:50:14,794
I was sworn to secrecy
by the president himself.
1087
00:50:14,837 --> 00:50:16,230
You met the president?
1088
00:50:16,274 --> 00:50:17,492
What's he like?
1089
00:50:17,536 --> 00:50:18,493
Everything you'd
expect him to be.
1090
00:50:18,537 --> 00:50:20,930
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
1091
00:50:26,632 --> 00:50:27,459
KAOS.
1092
00:50:28,634 --> 00:50:29,504
Billions.
1093
00:50:29,548 --> 00:50:30,462
Max.
1094
00:50:30,505 --> 00:50:32,246
Hottentot.
1095
00:50:32,290 --> 00:50:33,465
- Max, Max, Max!
- Hottentot.
1096
00:50:33,508 --> 00:50:34,683
- Huh, what?
- Wake up!
1097
00:50:34,727 --> 00:50:37,251
You're spouting
classified information.
1098
00:50:37,295 --> 00:50:38,687
Oh, what did I say?
1099
00:50:38,731 --> 00:50:40,602
You mentioned KAOS and
then you said something about
1100
00:50:40,646 --> 00:50:42,604
billions of dollars.
1101
00:50:42,648 --> 00:50:44,519
Oh, Max, until
you're off this case,
1102
00:50:44,563 --> 00:50:47,435
I think maybe it's better
I sleep in another bedroom.
1103
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:50,177
Oh, in that case, I'm
off this case right now.
1104
00:50:50,221 --> 00:50:51,396
Oh, Max.
1105
00:50:51,439 --> 00:50:53,702
Did I say anything else?
1106
00:50:53,746 --> 00:50:56,618
Now that I think of it,
yes, and it concerns me, Max,
1107
00:50:56,662 --> 00:50:58,925
- and my book...
- Wait, 99, if we're gonna
1108
00:50:58,968 --> 00:51:01,449
discuss a top-secret case,
we're going to have to do it
1109
00:51:01,493 --> 00:51:03,799
under the cone of silence.
1110
00:51:03,843 --> 00:51:04,887
Right, Max.
1111
00:51:11,546 --> 00:51:13,940
You mentioned Doctor, sorry.
1112
00:51:18,510 --> 00:51:20,990
You mentioned Dr. Hottentot
and his weather machine.
1113
00:51:21,034 --> 00:51:23,993
Is that still
classified information?
1114
00:51:24,037 --> 00:51:25,386
What?
1115
00:51:25,430 --> 00:51:27,606
I wrote about Dr.
Hottentot in my book.
1116
00:51:27,649 --> 00:51:29,825
Now, maybe what I'm
thinking is farfetched, Max,
1117
00:51:29,869 --> 00:51:32,828
but there could be a tie-in
between KAOS, the book company,
1118
00:51:32,872 --> 00:51:33,873
you, and me.
1119
00:51:35,309 --> 00:51:38,486
You want me to tie you
up at the book company?
1120
00:51:38,530 --> 00:51:40,619
In fact, the more I
think about it, Max,
1121
00:51:42,751 --> 00:51:45,406
KAOS may have a contact
at the book company.
1122
00:51:45,450 --> 00:51:46,886
KAOS what?
1123
00:51:46,929 --> 00:51:48,801
Max, there's something wrong
with the cone of silence.
1124
00:51:48,844 --> 00:51:50,324
Forget that, 99,
1125
00:51:50,368 --> 00:51:52,326
something's wrong with
the cone of silence.
1126
00:51:52,370 --> 00:51:53,240
What?
1127
00:51:53,284 --> 00:51:54,589
What?
1128
00:51:58,593 --> 00:51:59,986
How did you do that?
1129
00:52:00,029 --> 00:52:02,858
Max, what I'm trying to
tell you is I may have given
1130
00:52:02,902 --> 00:52:07,080
classified information to
someone at the book company who,
1131
00:52:08,951 --> 00:52:11,563
Max, your cuff
button is flashing.
1132
00:52:11,606 --> 00:52:14,914
Well, just pick up the
sleeve and talk into the lapel.
1133
00:52:14,957 --> 00:52:16,307
Which lapel?
1134
00:52:16,350 --> 00:52:18,613
It's okay, forget
it, I'll get it.
1135
00:52:18,657 --> 00:52:19,484
Okay.
1136
00:52:23,705 --> 00:52:24,750
Hello, hello?
1137
00:52:25,707 --> 00:52:26,795
I think I'm on to something.
1138
00:52:27,796 --> 00:52:30,059
Can you meet me, Mr. Smart?
1139
00:52:30,103 --> 00:52:31,060
Where?
1140
00:52:31,104 --> 00:52:32,714
In the agency parking lot.
1141
00:52:32,758 --> 00:52:34,629
Could you come quickly?
1142
00:52:34,673 --> 00:52:35,674
I'm on my way.
1143
00:52:35,717 --> 00:52:36,762
Thank you.
1144
00:52:40,505 --> 00:52:42,463
That was Beamish, he's
one of the men on my team.
1145
00:52:42,507 --> 00:52:43,682
I have to meet him
in the parking lot.
1146
00:52:43,725 --> 00:52:44,944
I'm going with you, Max.
1147
00:52:44,987 --> 00:52:46,380
No, that's out of
the question, 99.
1148
00:52:46,424 --> 00:52:47,686
This is a secret mission.
1149
00:52:47,729 --> 00:52:48,774
Was a secret mission.
1150
00:52:48,817 --> 00:52:50,645
Max, it's much easier
to work with you
1151
00:52:50,689 --> 00:52:52,647
than it is to stay home
and worry about you.
1152
00:52:52,691 --> 00:52:54,910
I'm sorry, 99, but
it's out of the question.
1153
00:52:54,954 --> 00:52:56,912
It's too dangerous,
it's too tricky.
1154
00:52:56,956 --> 00:52:59,393
Now, there is nothing
you can say or do
1155
00:52:59,437 --> 00:53:01,047
that will make me
change my mind.
1156
00:53:01,090 --> 00:53:03,571
That's it, it's over, finished.
1157
00:53:03,615 --> 00:53:05,704
But, Max, I want to.
1158
00:53:05,747 --> 00:53:07,358
Okay.
1159
00:53:07,401 --> 00:53:10,926
Besides, two karate
chops are better than one.
1160
00:53:30,729 --> 00:53:32,600
I don't see Beamish anywhere.
1161
00:53:32,644 --> 00:53:34,123
Do you think it
could be a trap, Max?
1162
00:53:35,734 --> 00:53:37,605
That's a distinct possibility.
1163
00:53:37,649 --> 00:53:38,998
What do we do now, Max?
1164
00:53:39,041 --> 00:53:40,434
Don't shoot!
1165
00:53:40,478 --> 00:53:41,435
Max, what are you doing?
1166
00:53:41,479 --> 00:53:42,697
He'll kill you.
1167
00:53:42,741 --> 00:53:46,440
I'm coming out with
my hands up and my foot.
1168
00:53:49,878 --> 00:53:50,966
Max!
1169
00:53:51,010 --> 00:53:53,447
You've got his gun.
1170
00:53:53,491 --> 00:53:54,796
And his watch,
1171
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,145
and two fillings.
1172
00:53:56,189 --> 00:53:58,060
Max, there he is!
1173
00:54:14,729 --> 00:54:15,904
Freeze!
1174
00:54:50,199 --> 00:54:51,200
Max, are you all right?
1175
00:54:51,244 --> 00:54:52,680
Yes, I'm just frustrated.
1176
00:54:52,724 --> 00:54:53,638
I had him right in my hands.
1177
00:54:53,681 --> 00:54:55,074
How did he get away?
1178
00:54:55,117 --> 00:54:57,685
By the seat of his
pants, KAOS strip slacks.
1179
00:54:57,729 --> 00:55:00,688
Oh, Max, they're a rip off
of Control's ejecto-pants.
1180
00:55:00,732 --> 00:55:02,690
And probably half the price.
1181
00:55:02,734 --> 00:55:04,039
Did you get a look at his face?
1182
00:55:04,083 --> 00:55:05,171
Well, if that was his face,
1183
00:55:05,214 --> 00:55:07,086
he has a huge cleft in his chin.
1184
00:55:07,129 --> 00:55:08,435
Anyway, I know who it is, 99.
1185
00:55:08,479 --> 00:55:10,089
It's the commander's
right-hand man
1186
00:55:10,132 --> 00:55:11,699
Major Preston Waterhouse.
1187
00:55:11,743 --> 00:55:13,222
How can you be sure?
1188
00:55:13,266 --> 00:55:14,572
Very simple, 99,
1189
00:55:14,615 --> 00:55:16,704
these pants tell me everything
that I need to know.
1190
00:55:16,748 --> 00:55:18,532
First of all, look at
the length, extra long.
1191
00:55:18,576 --> 00:55:21,100
Major Waterhouse is
over six feet tall.
1192
00:55:21,143 --> 00:55:22,884
Next, the material, heavy wool,
1193
00:55:22,928 --> 00:55:24,799
typical choice of an Army man,
1194
00:55:24,843 --> 00:55:26,845
and finally, there's the label,
1195
00:55:26,888 --> 00:55:29,021
made for Preston Waterhouse.
1196
00:55:29,064 --> 00:55:30,065
Oh.
1197
00:55:37,856 --> 00:55:41,729
The Major's RV is the
third one on the left.
1198
00:55:45,646 --> 00:55:49,607
He may be
watching us, walk casually.
1199
00:55:54,786 --> 00:55:56,265
His light's on, Max.
1200
00:55:56,309 --> 00:55:58,224
Okay, I'll go in
and you cover me.
1201
00:55:58,267 --> 00:55:59,573
Max, I don't have a gun.
1202
00:55:59,617 --> 00:56:01,749
Okay, then you go
in and I'll cover you.
1203
00:56:01,793 --> 00:56:03,098
Max!
1204
00:56:03,142 --> 00:56:06,188
I've got a gun for you, 99.
1205
00:56:07,581 --> 00:56:10,062
Max, this looks like a
tootsie roll with a trigger.
1206
00:56:10,105 --> 00:56:12,586
What do you say when you use
this, put your finger up?
1207
00:56:12,630 --> 00:56:14,762
Well, it may not
look like much, 99,
1208
00:56:14,806 --> 00:56:16,982
but when you attach
this noiser to it.
1209
00:56:17,025 --> 00:56:19,811
- Noiser?
- A bang becomes a boom.
1210
00:56:22,814 --> 00:56:25,207
This is Maxwell
Smart, open up, Major.
1211
00:56:26,339 --> 00:56:27,601
He turned his lights off.
1212
00:56:28,994 --> 00:56:31,126
Major, open up.
1213
00:56:40,353 --> 00:56:42,616
Missed it by that much.
1214
00:57:01,026 --> 00:57:02,767
He's still breathing, 99.
1215
00:57:02,810 --> 00:57:03,811
Good.
1216
00:57:06,248 --> 00:57:08,076
Hello, this is Maxwell Smart.
1217
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,470
Major Waterhouse is
our double agent.
1218
00:57:10,514 --> 00:57:12,254
I want you to send an ambulance
1219
00:57:12,298 --> 00:57:14,822
to the Potomac
Creek Trailer Park.
1220
00:57:14,866 --> 00:57:15,823
What?
1221
00:57:15,867 --> 00:57:16,737
Who is this?
1222
00:57:16,781 --> 00:57:17,477
Minnie Lepkowitz.
1223
00:57:17,521 --> 00:57:18,870
Minnie Lepkowitz?
1224
00:57:18,913 --> 00:57:20,262
What department are you in?
1225
00:57:20,306 --> 00:57:21,829
Lingerie for small and tall.
1226
00:57:21,873 --> 00:57:23,483
Lingerie for small and tall?
1227
00:57:23,527 --> 00:57:25,137
- Sorry, wrong number.
- Bye.
1228
00:57:25,180 --> 00:57:26,791
Max!
1229
00:57:26,834 --> 00:57:28,836
- Hello, this is Maxwell...
- Lingerie for small and tall.
1230
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,055
Minnie?
1231
00:57:30,098 --> 00:57:31,404
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
1232
00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:32,884
Max, look...
1233
00:57:32,927 --> 00:57:33,972
- Hello, this...
- Lingerie for small and tall.
1234
00:57:34,015 --> 00:57:35,016
Minnie,
1235
00:57:35,060 --> 00:57:36,235
- will ya do me a favor?
- Sure.
1236
00:57:36,278 --> 00:57:37,497
I want you to call this number.
1237
00:57:37,541 --> 00:57:41,022
555-9300 and tell 'em
to send an ambulance
1238
00:57:41,066 --> 00:57:42,763
to the Potomac
Creek Trailer Park.
1239
00:57:42,807 --> 00:57:44,243
You're joking.
1240
00:57:44,286 --> 00:57:45,853
No, I'm not joking, I'm
telling you the truth.
1241
00:57:45,897 --> 00:57:46,985
How do I know that?
1242
00:57:47,028 --> 00:57:48,769
Minnie, have I ever lied to ya?
1243
00:57:48,813 --> 00:57:49,988
- No.
- Thanks.
1244
00:57:50,031 --> 00:57:52,512
Max, this is a xerox
of pages from my book.
1245
00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:53,948
Then your hunch was right.
1246
00:57:53,992 --> 00:57:55,994
There is a connection between
KAOS and the book company.
1247
00:57:56,037 --> 00:57:56,908
What pages?
1248
00:57:56,951 --> 00:57:59,867
Chapter 14, the one about you.
1249
00:57:59,911 --> 00:58:02,827
You didn't get to
me until chapter 14?
1250
00:58:02,870 --> 00:58:04,132
What else was there
to write about?
1251
00:58:04,176 --> 00:58:06,787
Oh, Max, there were
lots of fascinating cases.
1252
00:58:06,831 --> 00:58:07,875
Really, like what?
1253
00:58:07,919 --> 00:58:09,529
Well, you remember Agent 95.
1254
00:58:09,573 --> 00:58:11,009
Yes.
1255
00:58:11,052 --> 00:58:12,532
Remember the time he
was kidnapped by KAOS
1256
00:58:12,576 --> 00:58:14,839
and when we got him
back he was a total loss
1257
00:58:14,882 --> 00:58:16,101
and how he ranted and raved
1258
00:58:16,144 --> 00:58:18,103
and we couldn't
understand a word he said.
1259
00:58:18,146 --> 00:58:19,931
Whatever happened to Agent 95?
1260
00:58:19,974 --> 00:58:21,410
He went into politics.
1261
00:58:25,937 --> 00:58:28,243
Siegfried, I have bad news.
1262
00:58:28,287 --> 00:58:29,984
Shtarker, that's terrible.
1263
00:58:30,028 --> 00:58:31,943
All right, I have terrible news.
1264
00:58:31,986 --> 00:58:33,988
We no longer have
an agent in place.
1265
00:58:34,032 --> 00:58:37,905
The major has been taken
prisoner by Maxwell Smart.
1266
00:58:37,949 --> 00:58:41,909
Smart, Smart, Smart, I have
had it with Smart, up to here!
1267
00:58:43,345 --> 00:58:46,261
I think maybe we should
try and get rid of him.
1268
00:58:46,305 --> 00:58:48,046
You think we should
get rid of him?
1269
00:58:48,089 --> 00:58:50,309
What a brilliant idea.
1270
00:58:53,355 --> 00:58:54,574
I have a plan.
1271
00:58:54,618 --> 00:58:56,576
I will arrange a truce.
1272
00:58:56,620 --> 00:58:59,579
Smart and I will meet, as
we have met in the past,
1273
00:58:59,623 --> 00:59:02,277
but it will be our last meeting.
1274
00:59:02,321 --> 00:59:05,193
I will personally eliminate him!
1275
00:59:05,237 --> 00:59:06,891
Well, you'd better
do it quick, Siegfried,
1276
00:59:06,934 --> 00:59:09,110
before they try and
make the major talk.
1277
00:59:09,154 --> 00:59:10,938
Do you think the major will talk
1278
00:59:10,982 --> 00:59:13,114
or will he swallow
his poisoned pill?
1279
00:59:13,158 --> 00:59:16,944
He will do exactly
as you or I would do.
1280
00:59:16,988 --> 00:59:20,034
Then how do we stop
him from talking?
1281
00:59:21,558 --> 00:59:23,908
Bad news, sir, we can't
interrogate Major Waterhouse.
1282
00:59:23,951 --> 00:59:26,519
He took three poisoned
pills, one after each meal.
1283
00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:29,043
What kind of
prescription is that, Max?
1284
00:59:29,087 --> 00:59:31,132
Well, 99, it's a
good thing we don't use
1285
00:59:31,176 --> 00:59:33,352
the KAOS pharmacy,
listen to this.
1286
00:59:33,395 --> 00:59:38,226
Caution, do not drive if
drowsiness or death occurs.
1287
00:59:38,270 --> 00:59:41,099
Well, the good news is
we've eliminated the mole,
1288
00:59:41,142 --> 00:59:44,450
but the bad news is we've
also eliminated our best lead
1289
00:59:44,493 --> 00:59:47,627
to finding the mastermind
behind this KAOS plot.
1290
00:59:47,671 --> 00:59:49,934
We've still got the
book company, sir.
1291
00:59:49,977 --> 00:59:51,979
Yes, who would have
access to your manuscript?
1292
00:59:52,023 --> 00:59:53,938
Well, there's Lisa
Spencer my editor,
1293
00:59:53,981 --> 00:59:55,940
and she has there
or four assistants.
1294
00:59:55,983 --> 00:59:57,419
There's the publisher.
1295
00:59:57,463 --> 00:59:59,204
For that matter, it could be
anyone at the book company.
1296
00:59:59,247 --> 01:00:00,597
Why's that?
1297
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:01,902
They don't keep my
manuscript under lock and key.
1298
01:00:01,946 --> 01:00:03,295
Anyone could've copied it.
1299
01:00:03,338 --> 01:00:04,644
Obviously, someone did.
1300
01:00:04,688 --> 01:00:07,255
KAOS could've bribed
someone at the book company.
1301
01:00:07,299 --> 01:00:08,561
I'll follow up on that, sir.
1302
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:09,997
I mean,
1303
01:00:10,041 --> 01:00:12,652
the agency might want
to investigate that.
1304
01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:14,915
Mrs. Smart, at
first I was upset
1305
01:00:14,959 --> 01:00:17,614
at your accidental
involvement in this case,
1306
01:00:17,657 --> 01:00:21,530
but when it became apparent
that your knowledge
1307
01:00:21,574 --> 01:00:23,968
and your expertise
could be invaluable,
1308
01:00:24,011 --> 01:00:27,667
well, I conferred with the
president and he agrees with me.
1309
01:00:27,711 --> 01:00:31,192
I'm reactivating you,
effective immediately.
1310
01:00:31,236 --> 01:00:33,368
Thank you very much, Commander.
1311
01:00:33,412 --> 01:00:35,675
Excuse me, Commander,
Schmelding is here.
1312
01:00:35,719 --> 01:00:37,285
What's a schmelding?
1313
01:00:37,329 --> 01:00:39,636
Professor Helmut Schmelding,
1314
01:00:39,679 --> 01:00:42,682
better known to you
as Hamlet Spalding.
1315
01:00:42,726 --> 01:00:45,380
We managed to
decipher the tapes.
1316
01:00:45,424 --> 01:00:48,253
Of course, Helmut Schmelding.
1317
01:00:48,296 --> 01:00:49,646
Hamlet Spalding!
1318
01:00:51,212 --> 01:00:53,345
Who is Helmet Schmelling?
1319
01:00:53,388 --> 01:00:56,696
Dr. Helmut Schmelding
is a world renowned
1320
01:00:56,740 --> 01:01:00,047
atmospheric physicist
and probably the only man
1321
01:01:00,091 --> 01:01:03,529
capable of dismantling
the KAOS weather machine.
1322
01:01:03,572 --> 01:01:04,573
Send him in.
1323
01:01:04,617 --> 01:01:05,618
Who?
1324
01:01:05,662 --> 01:01:08,360
Dr. Helmut Schmelding.
1325
01:01:08,403 --> 01:01:09,404
Good idea.
1326
01:01:14,279 --> 01:01:16,107
All right, Siegfried,
hold it right there.
1327
01:01:16,150 --> 01:01:18,152
One move and you're an obituary.
1328
01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:21,025
Max, this is Dr.
Helmut Schmelding.
1329
01:01:21,068 --> 01:01:22,722
This is not Dr.
Helmut Schmelding.
1330
01:01:22,766 --> 01:01:25,638
This is Conrad
Siegfried a KAOS killer.
1331
01:01:25,682 --> 01:01:26,639
Am I right, 99?
1332
01:01:26,683 --> 01:01:28,336
He certainly looks like him.
1333
01:01:28,380 --> 01:01:32,123
Commander, this man and
this number are mistaken.
1334
01:01:32,166 --> 01:01:34,125
Look, I can prove it.
1335
01:01:34,168 --> 01:01:35,256
Drop that gun.
1336
01:01:35,300 --> 01:01:36,736
Drop that card.
1337
01:01:36,780 --> 01:01:39,130
Listen to what my card says.
1338
01:01:39,173 --> 01:01:40,653
Professor Helmut Schmelding,
1339
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:43,612
world renowned
atmospheric physicist.
1340
01:01:43,656 --> 01:01:45,136
Anyone can print a card.
1341
01:01:45,179 --> 01:01:47,616
Yeah, but this is
engraved and in four colors.
1342
01:01:47,660 --> 01:01:49,009
It's not a cheapy.
1343
01:01:49,053 --> 01:01:50,707
Let me see that.
1344
01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:53,013
Oh, yes, engraved, four colors.
1345
01:01:53,057 --> 01:01:54,580
What do you think, 99?
1346
01:01:54,623 --> 01:01:57,539
Professor Schmelding's
resemblance to
Siegfried is uncanny
1347
01:01:57,583 --> 01:01:59,411
even the scar is the same.
1348
01:01:59,454 --> 01:02:02,153
I got in a duel in Heidelberg.
1349
01:02:02,196 --> 01:02:03,415
With whom?
1350
01:02:03,458 --> 01:02:06,331
My, all right, all
right, I confess.
1351
01:02:07,506 --> 01:02:10,639
That good for nothing
Siegfried is my brother.
1352
01:02:10,683 --> 01:02:12,729
How come you have
different last names?
1353
01:02:12,772 --> 01:02:15,340
Schmelding is my
mother's maiden name.
1354
01:02:15,383 --> 01:02:16,602
That's remarkable.
1355
01:02:16,645 --> 01:02:18,299
You're truly identical twins.
1356
01:02:18,343 --> 01:02:20,649
Actually, identical triplets.
1357
01:02:20,693 --> 01:02:22,608
You mean you and
Siegfried are triplets?
1358
01:02:22,651 --> 01:02:24,784
No, there are three of us.
1359
01:02:24,828 --> 01:02:27,482
You mean to tell me that
you have another brother
1360
01:02:27,526 --> 01:02:30,137
who looks exactly like
you and Siegfried?
1361
01:02:30,181 --> 01:02:31,660
No, a sister.
1362
01:02:31,704 --> 01:02:33,793
I bet she has a tough
time getting dates.
1363
01:02:36,187 --> 01:02:37,492
Yes, sir, Mr. President.
1364
01:02:37,536 --> 01:02:39,320
Activate your video screen.
1365
01:02:39,364 --> 01:02:40,147
What, now?
1366
01:02:40,191 --> 01:02:41,148
It's KAOS.
1367
01:02:41,192 --> 01:02:42,671
Yes, sir.
1368
01:02:42,715 --> 01:02:44,369
That was the president.
1369
01:02:44,412 --> 01:02:47,328
KAOS is preparing to broadcast
on our restricted network.
1370
01:02:47,372 --> 01:02:50,157
Larrabee, turn on the TV.
1371
01:02:50,201 --> 01:02:52,159
I think Hymie
should be in on this.
1372
01:02:52,203 --> 01:02:54,727
Hymie, drop everything
and get in here!
1373
01:03:08,393 --> 01:03:12,484
♪ Follow my instructions
and we'll have no problems
1374
01:03:12,527 --> 01:03:16,183
♪ Pay the ransom quickly
or else it's kaput
1375
01:03:16,227 --> 01:03:19,708
♪ Or else it's kaput
1376
01:03:19,752 --> 01:03:22,668
Our leader is not pleased
that you have reactivated
1377
01:03:22,711 --> 01:03:27,194
yourselves and Maxwell
Smart, so in retaliation
1378
01:03:27,238 --> 01:03:31,546
I am now reducing the
payoff time to 72 hours.
1379
01:03:31,590 --> 01:03:34,723
Furthermore, I demand a
meeting with Maxwell Smart
1380
01:03:34,767 --> 01:03:39,424
to discuss how the $250
billion will be delivered.
1381
01:03:39,467 --> 01:03:41,426
Act immediately or else
1382
01:03:43,471 --> 01:03:44,777
I will sing again.
1383
01:03:47,911 --> 01:03:49,216
I don't like it.
1384
01:03:49,260 --> 01:03:51,305
You don't need a meeting
to discuss a payoff.
1385
01:03:51,349 --> 01:03:54,526
I agree, 99, there's
something rotten in Detroit.
1386
01:03:54,569 --> 01:03:55,832
That's Denmark, Max.
1387
01:03:55,875 --> 01:03:57,268
Oh, well,
1388
01:03:57,311 --> 01:03:59,226
things haven't been that
great in Detroit either.
1389
01:03:59,270 --> 01:04:01,663
They've given us 72
hours, it can't be done.
1390
01:04:01,707 --> 01:04:03,187
I have a plan, sir.
1391
01:04:03,230 --> 01:04:04,710
Good, let's hear it.
1392
01:04:04,753 --> 01:04:06,190
And remember, everyone,
1393
01:04:06,233 --> 01:04:08,366
what Max says is not to be
taken outside this room.
1394
01:04:08,409 --> 01:04:10,237
Well, if this is top secret,
1395
01:04:10,281 --> 01:04:13,371
then it should have
maximum security.
1396
01:04:17,941 --> 01:04:19,899
No hover cover.
1397
01:04:19,943 --> 01:04:22,380
I can understand
your feelings, sir,
1398
01:04:22,423 --> 01:04:25,426
but the manual clearly
states that we should have
1399
01:04:25,470 --> 01:04:28,821
an anti-bugging device in a
maximum security situation.
1400
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:30,910
Fortunately, we have a backup.
1401
01:04:30,954 --> 01:04:33,304
Dr. Denton's hall of hush.
1402
01:04:43,314 --> 01:04:46,491
The hall of hush represents
the crowning achievement
1403
01:04:46,534 --> 01:04:48,623
in my already brilliant career.
1404
01:04:48,667 --> 01:04:51,409
It is capable of defeating
the most sophisticated
1405
01:04:51,452 --> 01:04:53,193
bugging devices.
1406
01:04:53,237 --> 01:04:54,673
How, you may ask.
1407
01:04:54,716 --> 01:04:56,631
I wouldn't ask that.
1408
01:04:56,675 --> 01:04:59,765
We do it by converting
speech into silence.
1409
01:04:59,808 --> 01:05:02,724
When I close this door
and the red light goes on,
1410
01:05:02,768 --> 01:05:04,770
the voice mufflers
will be activated,
1411
01:05:04,813 --> 01:05:08,817
and you will be able to
see, and I emphasize see,
1412
01:05:08,861 --> 01:05:10,907
what my genius has wrought.
1413
01:06:49,048 --> 01:06:52,486
The security manual
no longer exists.
1414
01:06:53,879 --> 01:06:56,534
Now, Smart, you will
tell me your plan,
1415
01:06:56,577 --> 01:06:58,753
you will tell it to me now,
and you will tell it to me
1416
01:06:58,797 --> 01:07:00,799
in front of all these people.
1417
01:07:00,842 --> 01:07:03,976
We capture Siegfried,
substitute Schmelding for him,
1418
01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:06,761
then we follow Schmelding
to KAOS headquarters.
1419
01:07:06,805 --> 01:07:07,849
He'll let us in.
1420
01:07:07,893 --> 01:07:11,331
It's the old, old
Trojan horse trick.
1421
01:07:11,375 --> 01:07:12,767
That could work.
1422
01:07:12,811 --> 01:07:15,074
99, are you sure
this isn't your idea?
1423
01:07:15,118 --> 01:07:16,684
No, it was Max's.
1424
01:07:17,816 --> 01:07:19,122
Professor,
1425
01:07:19,165 --> 01:07:20,688
how do you feel about
impersonating your brother?
1426
01:07:20,732 --> 01:07:24,779
Not good, I really
don't want to get involved
1427
01:07:24,823 --> 01:07:26,781
in any spy hocus pocus.
1428
01:07:27,739 --> 01:07:29,784
But, Professor,
once we locate KAOS,
1429
01:07:29,828 --> 01:07:31,656
we can destroy
their evil machine,
1430
01:07:31,699 --> 01:07:34,093
and once and for all make
the world safe for shopping,
1431
01:07:34,137 --> 01:07:35,616
shopping, shopping,
1432
01:07:35,660 --> 01:07:36,835
- shopping.
- Oh my, he's in a verbal
1433
01:07:36,878 --> 01:07:38,793
- S mode!
- Scheme, sleeping,
1434
01:07:38,837 --> 01:07:41,753
sledding, sandwiches,
sex, singing.
1435
01:07:41,796 --> 01:07:43,755
♪ Flonnie, how I love
ya, how I love ya
1436
01:07:43,798 --> 01:07:44,799
♪ My dear old
1437
01:07:44,843 --> 01:07:47,019
Sorry, sir, sir, sir, sir.
1438
01:07:48,151 --> 01:07:50,631
Gentlemen, we are
losing valuable time.
1439
01:07:50,675 --> 01:07:54,635
Professor, I know we're
asking you to do a lot more
1440
01:07:54,679 --> 01:07:57,595
than you bargained for, but we
really don't have any choice.
1441
01:07:57,638 --> 01:07:59,640
The fate of our
country's at stake.
1442
01:07:59,684 --> 01:08:01,773
You're the only one who
can impersonate Siegfried,
1443
01:08:01,816 --> 01:08:04,123
because you're the only
one who looks like him.
1444
01:08:04,167 --> 01:08:06,778
Unless of course your
sister is in town.
1445
01:08:06,821 --> 01:08:09,128
All right, I'll give it a try.
1446
01:08:09,172 --> 01:08:12,784
Thank you, Professor,
thank you very, very much.
1447
01:08:12,827 --> 01:08:14,916
Hymie, put the word
out on the street
1448
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:17,136
that Max will meet
with Siegfried.
1449
01:08:17,180 --> 01:08:19,399
Other than being my brother,
1450
01:08:19,443 --> 01:08:21,706
what is the worst thing
that could happen to me?
1451
01:08:21,749 --> 01:08:23,055
Well, you could be killed.
1452
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:24,448
Oh, boy.
1453
01:08:24,491 --> 01:08:25,884
Or you might have
to kill someone.
1454
01:08:25,927 --> 01:08:28,539
No, you can't ask
me to kill a person.
1455
01:08:28,582 --> 01:08:30,149
I'm a scientist.
1456
01:08:30,193 --> 01:08:33,544
We only do continents,
countries, occasionally
a convention,
1457
01:08:33,587 --> 01:08:35,459
but a person, never.
1458
01:08:35,502 --> 01:08:38,026
Oh no, Commander did
I hear you tell Hymie
1459
01:08:38,070 --> 01:08:39,985
to put the word
out on the street?
1460
01:08:40,028 --> 01:08:40,812
Yes.
1461
01:08:40,855 --> 01:08:42,161
Come on, Max!
1462
01:09:18,937 --> 01:09:20,678
Well, we'll just
have to chalk this up
1463
01:09:20,721 --> 01:09:23,898
to a precious waste
of time and chalk.
1464
01:09:37,085 --> 01:09:40,045
Shtarker,.
1465
01:09:40,088 --> 01:09:42,003
Siegfried, what is it?
1466
01:09:42,047 --> 01:09:43,309
Oh, Siegfried,
1467
01:09:43,353 --> 01:09:44,876
you really should speak
with the cleaning crews.
1468
01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:47,574
They seem to have missed
this huge slab of concrete
1469
01:09:47,618 --> 01:09:48,532
on your desk.
1470
01:09:49,837 --> 01:09:52,710
Smart's message is
written on this concrete.
1471
01:09:52,753 --> 01:09:53,798
I see.
1472
01:09:55,147 --> 01:09:57,105
What exactly does this mean?
1473
01:09:57,149 --> 01:10:00,108
I think the meaning
is perfectly clear.
1474
01:10:00,152 --> 01:10:01,762
Walter loves Eddie.
1475
01:10:01,806 --> 01:10:04,678
No, you stupid,
in the orange chalk.
1476
01:10:04,722 --> 01:10:07,246
Maxwell Smart will
meet with Siegfried.
1477
01:10:07,290 --> 01:10:09,117
Yippee-yi-o-ki-yay!
1478
01:10:10,118 --> 01:10:12,251
Shtarker, this is KAOS.
1479
01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:15,036
We don't
yippee-yi-o-ki-yay here!
1480
01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:17,735
Forgive me, I know we don't
yippee-yi-o-ki-yay here.
1481
01:10:17,778 --> 01:10:21,260
Occasionally, a restrained
ya-hoo is all right.
1482
01:10:23,175 --> 01:10:25,133
- Siegfried's office.
- Shtarker.
1483
01:10:25,177 --> 01:10:26,570
Ja, my leader.
1484
01:10:26,613 --> 01:10:27,832
What is going on there?
1485
01:10:27,875 --> 01:10:28,833
We have good news for you.
1486
01:10:28,876 --> 01:10:30,530
I tell the good news.
1487
01:10:31,792 --> 01:10:34,795
Maxwell Smart has
agreed to meet with me.
1488
01:10:34,839 --> 01:10:36,667
If you have nothing better
to do this afternoon,
1489
01:10:36,710 --> 01:10:40,627
you might find it amusing
to attend his funeral.
1490
01:10:41,324 --> 01:10:42,281
Carry on.
1491
01:10:46,154 --> 01:10:48,983
He's putting it on his calendar.
1492
01:10:50,158 --> 01:10:50,985
Ya-hoo!
1493
01:11:08,351 --> 01:11:11,484
I gotta remember
this is not automatic.
1494
01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:13,921
Max, I can't believe
me, I'm all butterflies.
1495
01:11:13,965 --> 01:11:15,401
Do you realize
how long it's been
1496
01:11:15,445 --> 01:11:18,186
since we've done something
this exciting together?
1497
01:11:18,230 --> 01:11:21,407
What was wrong
with Tuesday night?
1498
01:11:21,451 --> 01:11:23,453
Max, Siegfried's here.
1499
01:11:32,070 --> 01:11:34,115
What made Smart pick this park?
1500
01:11:34,159 --> 01:11:36,901
Smart is a sentimentalist.
1501
01:11:36,944 --> 01:11:39,947
This is where Maxwell
and I first met,
1502
01:11:39,991 --> 01:11:43,995
under that tree on that
teeny-weeny bench there.
1503
01:12:04,972 --> 01:12:07,453
Well, Siegfried, you're
looking as evil as ever.
1504
01:12:07,497 --> 01:12:10,238
And you, Smart, you're
looking remarkably well,
1505
01:12:10,282 --> 01:12:11,892
I'm sorry to say.
1506
01:12:17,071 --> 01:12:20,945
Do you mind if we frisk
ourselves in a private place?
1507
01:12:20,988 --> 01:12:21,946
Siegfried!
1508
01:12:21,989 --> 01:12:25,036
As we agreed
inside the building.
1509
01:12:25,079 --> 01:12:25,993
Oh, okay.
1510
01:12:39,093 --> 01:12:42,227
All right, let's get
the frisking over with.
1511
01:12:42,270 --> 01:12:43,881
Okay, I'll frisk you first.
1512
01:12:43,924 --> 01:12:45,926
Why can't I frisk you first?
1513
01:12:45,970 --> 01:12:49,887
Because I said first
that I'll frisk you first.
1514
01:12:49,930 --> 01:12:52,846
What if you frisk me
first and don't find a gun,
1515
01:12:52,890 --> 01:12:54,326
then before I can frisk you,
1516
01:12:54,370 --> 01:12:56,328
you put out your
gun and shoot me?
1517
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:57,982
I wouldn't do that.
1518
01:12:58,025 --> 01:13:01,159
I would, that's why
I wanted to go first.
1519
01:13:01,202 --> 01:13:03,291
Okay, Siegfried,
I've got an idea.
1520
01:13:03,335 --> 01:13:04,380
What is it?
1521
01:13:05,337 --> 01:13:07,121
I'll frisk half of you,
1522
01:13:07,165 --> 01:13:09,297
then you frisk half of me,
1523
01:13:09,341 --> 01:13:11,125
then I'll frisk the
other half of you,
1524
01:13:11,169 --> 01:13:12,953
then you frisk the
other half of me.
1525
01:13:12,997 --> 01:13:15,521
- Then...
- Maxwell, you stupid,
1526
01:13:15,565 --> 01:13:18,132
I called this meeting, if
I can't frisk you first,
1527
01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:19,873
I'm leaving.
1528
01:13:19,917 --> 01:13:24,008
All right, all right,
you can frisk me first.
1529
01:13:34,497 --> 01:13:35,889
What is this?
1530
01:13:35,933 --> 01:13:38,152
They're my suicide pills.
1531
01:13:38,196 --> 01:13:39,937
Suicide pills?
1532
01:13:39,980 --> 01:13:42,200
Yes, they come in
all different flavors:
1533
01:13:42,243 --> 01:13:44,550
orange, raspberry, strawberry.
1534
01:13:44,594 --> 01:13:45,986
Raspberry?
1535
01:13:46,030 --> 01:13:48,162
Would you like to try one?
1536
01:13:54,430 --> 01:13:55,256
Happy?
1537
01:13:57,041 --> 01:13:59,347
Okay, now I frisk you.
1538
01:13:59,391 --> 01:14:00,610
No!
1539
01:14:00,653 --> 01:14:04,048
Or else you would find
this, hands up, Smart!
1540
01:14:05,963 --> 01:14:08,618
Okay, I'll put up my hands and
1541
01:14:11,011 --> 01:14:12,012
my foot.
1542
01:14:15,146 --> 01:14:17,496
The new and improved
version from KAOS.
1543
01:14:19,019 --> 01:14:20,107
Surprise.
1544
01:14:25,504 --> 01:14:26,679
Hymie,
1545
01:14:26,723 --> 01:14:28,638
bring in the professor.
1546
01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:38,038
Helmut.
1547
01:14:38,082 --> 01:14:39,518
Hello, Conrad.
1548
01:14:39,562 --> 01:14:41,955
What are you doing here,
where did you come from?
1549
01:14:41,999 --> 01:14:43,000
Berlin.
1550
01:14:43,043 --> 01:14:44,088
How is Mother?
1551
01:14:44,131 --> 01:14:45,524
Why ask now?
1552
01:14:45,568 --> 01:14:48,396
You don't care, you never
call, you never write.
1553
01:14:48,440 --> 01:14:49,702
How well I know that feeling.
1554
01:14:49,746 --> 01:14:51,182
Hymie.
1555
01:14:51,225 --> 01:14:53,227
I wrote, you never
gave her my letters.
1556
01:14:53,271 --> 01:14:54,185
Liar.
1557
01:14:55,665 --> 01:14:58,624
All right, enough of
this family chitchat.
1558
01:14:58,668 --> 01:15:00,670
Siegfried, strip.
1559
01:15:00,713 --> 01:15:02,236
What do you have in mind?
1560
01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:04,151
Give your clothes
to the professor.
1561
01:15:04,195 --> 01:15:05,675
So that's it?
1562
01:15:05,718 --> 01:15:08,721
You're going to have goody
two-shoes impersonate me.
1563
01:15:08,765 --> 01:15:11,071
Ridiculous, it won't work.
1564
01:15:11,115 --> 01:15:14,988
He's a teacher's pet, this
sissy, a knockwurst polisher.
1565
01:15:15,032 --> 01:15:17,556
Name one person in
KAOS who will believe
1566
01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:19,732
he's Siegfried the malevolent.
1567
01:15:19,776 --> 01:15:23,562
Shtarker will believe
it, and that's all we need.
1568
01:15:23,606 --> 01:15:24,737
True.
1569
01:15:24,781 --> 01:15:27,348
Ah, Smart, how can you do this?
1570
01:15:27,392 --> 01:15:29,568
We had the equivalent
of a truce,
1571
01:15:29,612 --> 01:15:31,265
and you have betrayed me.
1572
01:15:31,309 --> 01:15:32,440
I have betrayed you?
1573
01:15:32,484 --> 01:15:33,703
You were going to kill me.
1574
01:15:33,746 --> 01:15:36,619
Yes, but I'm evil and cold.
1575
01:15:36,662 --> 01:15:39,056
Could I have the bathrobe?
1576
01:15:39,099 --> 01:15:42,538
Well, Siegfried, we
did have sort of a truce.
1577
01:15:42,581 --> 01:15:45,062
Well, what are you
going to do about it?
1578
01:15:45,105 --> 01:15:48,456
Well, after this is all
over, I'm gonna release you,
1579
01:15:48,500 --> 01:15:51,111
and you can keep the
bathrobe forever.
1580
01:15:51,155 --> 01:15:52,722
Hymie, get him outta here.
1581
01:16:01,339 --> 01:16:03,167
And you can quote me.
1582
01:16:04,647 --> 01:16:06,779
All right, Maxwell,
1583
01:16:06,823 --> 01:16:09,303
do I look all right?
1584
01:16:09,347 --> 01:16:11,610
No, you look just
like Siegfried.
1585
01:16:11,654 --> 01:16:13,481
It's perfect.
1586
01:16:13,525 --> 01:16:15,092
You ready?
1587
01:16:15,135 --> 01:16:15,788
I'm ready.
1588
01:16:17,355 --> 01:16:20,750
Get going, you just
killed Maxwell Smart.
1589
01:16:41,466 --> 01:16:45,078
Step on it, Maxwell,
we'll lose them.
1590
01:16:45,122 --> 01:16:46,079
What's the matter?
1591
01:16:46,123 --> 01:16:47,646
I can't get it out of reverse.
1592
01:16:47,690 --> 01:16:48,647
You must've jammed it.
1593
01:16:48,691 --> 01:16:49,561
Where's the manual?
1594
01:16:49,605 --> 01:16:51,432
Look in the glove compartment.
1595
01:16:57,134 --> 01:16:58,352
It's not in here.
1596
01:16:58,396 --> 01:16:59,745
They're gonna get away, Max.
1597
01:16:59,789 --> 01:17:01,529
No, they're not.
1598
01:18:00,632 --> 01:18:03,591
Must've gone into one
of these buildings.
1599
01:18:03,635 --> 01:18:05,245
Do you think it'll
occur to the professor
1600
01:18:05,289 --> 01:18:07,595
to leave a door open?
1601
01:18:07,639 --> 01:18:09,859
Siegfried, you
left the door open.
1602
01:18:09,902 --> 01:18:11,774
Oh, how careless of me.
1603
01:18:39,279 --> 01:18:43,457
Shtarker, I think I lost
my pen, I'll be right back.
1604
01:18:44,807 --> 01:18:46,809
Max, most of these
buildings are warehouses.
1605
01:18:46,852 --> 01:18:48,201
I know that, 99.
1606
01:18:48,245 --> 01:18:49,768
Pinter, Dimnete, and
Stone has a warehouse
1607
01:18:49,812 --> 01:18:51,465
in this part of town.
1608
01:18:51,509 --> 01:18:55,339
Why don't we look for a
building with books in it?
1609
01:18:57,733 --> 01:18:59,038
What are you doing?
1610
01:18:59,082 --> 01:19:00,779
Oh, I thought I might've
dropped my pen outside.
1611
01:19:00,823 --> 01:19:04,957
It's only a pen, we have
hundreds of them, let's go.
1612
01:19:06,698 --> 01:19:07,481
Siegfried.
1613
01:19:07,525 --> 01:19:08,395
Yeah?
1614
01:19:08,439 --> 01:19:10,789
You left the door open again.
1615
01:19:10,833 --> 01:19:12,835
What is with me today?
1616
01:19:30,853 --> 01:19:31,984
It's locked.
1617
01:19:32,985 --> 01:19:34,465
It's a deadbolt, Max.
1618
01:19:34,508 --> 01:19:36,554
You can't open this
door with a credit card.
1619
01:19:36,597 --> 01:19:40,427
This is Dr. Denton's
laser beam credit card.
1620
01:19:52,396 --> 01:19:54,093
Ah, this belongs in the lab.
1621
01:19:54,137 --> 01:19:56,835
Would you open the
door for me, Siegfried?
1622
01:19:56,879 --> 01:19:59,446
I don't seem to have my key.
1623
01:19:59,490 --> 01:20:00,621
Key?
1624
01:20:00,665 --> 01:20:03,450
I don't remember the code.
1625
01:20:03,494 --> 01:20:05,365
Oh, hold this for
me for a moment.
1626
01:20:05,409 --> 01:20:07,498
Let me refresh your
memory, Siegfried.
1627
01:20:07,541 --> 01:20:09,456
First, you take a copy of a book
1628
01:20:09,500 --> 01:20:13,199
that begins with the
letter I, Ivanhoe.
1629
01:20:13,243 --> 01:20:16,246
Then, you take a copy
of a book that begins
1630
01:20:16,289 --> 01:20:19,379
with the letter N,
Nicholas Nickleby.
1631
01:20:20,467 --> 01:20:23,514
You put them
together, you have IN.
1632
01:20:26,169 --> 01:20:26,996
Oh.
1633
01:20:27,039 --> 01:20:28,127
Move.
1634
01:21:00,551 --> 01:21:04,250
Max, do you mind if I
try something out on you?
1635
01:21:04,294 --> 01:21:07,297
Well, shouldn't we wait
till the mission is over, 99?
1636
01:21:07,340 --> 01:21:09,647
No, Max, it's apparent
who's the mastermind
1637
01:21:09,690 --> 01:21:11,170
behind this operation.
1638
01:21:11,214 --> 01:21:13,520
I thought so myself.
1639
01:21:13,564 --> 01:21:14,434
Who?
1640
01:21:14,478 --> 01:21:16,088
My publisher Nicholas Dimente.
1641
01:21:16,132 --> 01:21:18,177
He learned about KAOS,
about Dr. Hottentot,
1642
01:21:18,221 --> 01:21:20,136
even about you
from my manuscript.
1643
01:21:20,179 --> 01:21:22,399
Oh, Max, I divulged too much.
1644
01:21:22,442 --> 01:21:25,532
I didn't need to list all
of your idiosyncrasies.
1645
01:21:25,576 --> 01:21:27,186
My idiosyncrasies?
1646
01:21:27,230 --> 01:21:28,622
Pages 127 to 145.
1647
01:21:29,972 --> 01:21:31,495
Why couldn't ya
just write a diet book
1648
01:21:31,538 --> 01:21:32,975
like everybody else?
1649
01:21:33,018 --> 01:21:34,715
Oh, Max, it was me who
put your life in danger.
1650
01:21:34,759 --> 01:21:36,456
I'll never forgive
myself for that, Max.
1651
01:21:36,500 --> 01:21:38,197
I'll never forgive myself.
1652
01:21:38,241 --> 01:21:40,373
Ya have to forgive yourself, 99.
1653
01:21:40,417 --> 01:21:41,722
Okay.
1654
01:21:41,766 --> 01:21:44,725
But you could
take a little time.
1655
01:21:48,077 --> 01:21:48,991
Did ya hear that?
1656
01:21:49,034 --> 01:21:50,035
It sounded like the professor.
1657
01:21:50,079 --> 01:21:52,255
It came from down there.
1658
01:21:58,217 --> 01:21:59,044
Max, look.
1659
01:22:01,568 --> 01:22:03,135
Hansel and Gretel.
1660
01:22:03,179 --> 01:22:05,181
Max, do you remember the
story of Hansel and Gretel?
1661
01:22:05,224 --> 01:22:08,010
Of course, 99, but I don't
have time to tell it to ya now.
1662
01:22:08,053 --> 01:22:10,534
The children use
crumbs to leave a trail.
1663
01:22:10,577 --> 01:22:13,276
The professor used
books instead of crumbs.
1664
01:22:13,319 --> 01:22:14,755
Well, we're lucky
there's still a trail,
1665
01:22:14,799 --> 01:22:19,108
but then again, there are
very few birds that eat books.
1666
01:22:24,635 --> 01:22:26,419
We're out of books.
1667
01:22:26,463 --> 01:22:27,464
Where's headquarters?
1668
01:22:27,507 --> 01:22:28,726
Where's Dimente?
1669
01:22:28,769 --> 01:22:30,597
What makes you so
sure it's Dimente?
1670
01:22:30,641 --> 01:22:32,251
Couldn't it be
your editor, Lisa?
1671
01:22:32,295 --> 01:22:33,383
It has to be Dimente.
1672
01:22:33,426 --> 01:22:34,384
Have I ever met him?
1673
01:22:34,427 --> 01:22:35,994
No, I don't think so.
1674
01:22:36,038 --> 01:22:38,388
Little under six feet
tall, gray hair, black brows,
1675
01:22:38,431 --> 01:22:39,389
a mustache?
1676
01:22:39,432 --> 01:22:40,520
Yes, when did you meet him?
1677
01:22:40,564 --> 01:22:41,434
Just now.
1678
01:22:43,436 --> 01:22:44,742
Well, Mr. Smart.
1679
01:22:49,616 --> 01:22:51,575
Don't you think this is
a little out of fashion,
1680
01:22:51,618 --> 01:22:53,664
to say nothing of barbaric?
1681
01:22:53,707 --> 01:22:55,622
Extremely uncivilized,
1682
01:22:55,666 --> 01:22:57,711
but definitely pragmatic.
1683
01:22:57,755 --> 01:22:59,539
Your book portrays you
as an escape artist
1684
01:22:59,583 --> 01:23:01,672
of extraordinary caliber.
1685
01:23:01,715 --> 01:23:04,892
I didn't wanna become a new
chapter in the revised edition.
1686
01:23:04,936 --> 01:23:07,678
I can't reconcile
your working with KAOS.
1687
01:23:07,721 --> 01:23:09,593
I am KAOS.
1688
01:23:09,636 --> 01:23:11,682
I acquired the controlling
shares a year ago.
1689
01:23:11,725 --> 01:23:13,553
But you're a
prestigious publisher,
1690
01:23:13,597 --> 01:23:15,599
a man who believes in
education, a man who...
1691
01:23:15,642 --> 01:23:17,644
There are 40 million
people in our country
1692
01:23:17,688 --> 01:23:20,691
who cannot read or write
over the fourth-grade level.
1693
01:23:20,734 --> 01:23:22,649
What does that
have to do with KAOS?
1694
01:23:22,693 --> 01:23:27,654
With $250 billion, KAOS will
publish the 150 great books,
1695
01:23:27,698 --> 01:23:30,005
make them required reading.
1696
01:23:30,048 --> 01:23:32,659
Those who don't read
them will be killed.
1697
01:23:32,703 --> 01:23:35,488
But Americans will be forced
to learn from Aristotle,
1698
01:23:35,532 --> 01:23:37,838
Euclid, Shakespeare, Twain.
1699
01:23:37,882 --> 01:23:39,014
You're mad.
1700
01:23:39,057 --> 01:23:40,667
What would you do, Mr. Smart?
1701
01:23:40,711 --> 01:23:43,018
I would appeal to the
conscience of the president
1702
01:23:43,061 --> 01:23:46,325
and the congress and ask
them to cut down on defense
1703
01:23:46,369 --> 01:23:48,545
and spend more
money on education.
1704
01:23:48,588 --> 01:23:50,373
And you call me mad?
1705
01:23:50,416 --> 01:23:53,028
You can't make people read.
1706
01:23:53,071 --> 01:23:55,682
I can now that I have
the Hottentot formula.
1707
01:23:55,726 --> 01:23:59,034
What does controlling the
weather have to do with reading?
1708
01:23:59,077 --> 01:24:00,687
Everything.
1709
01:24:00,731 --> 01:24:02,863
Inclement weather forces
people to remain indoors.
1710
01:24:02,907 --> 01:24:04,691
There's always television.
1711
01:24:04,735 --> 01:24:06,780
Wreak havoc with
atmospheric conditions,
1712
01:24:06,824 --> 01:24:09,653
and you eliminate the
transmission of television.
1713
01:24:09,696 --> 01:24:13,048
People will have nothing to
do in their homes but read.
1714
01:24:13,091 --> 01:24:15,050
Well, almost nothing.
1715
01:24:15,093 --> 01:24:19,054
Dimente, your demented
plan will not work.
1716
01:24:19,097 --> 01:24:20,490
Why not?
1717
01:24:20,533 --> 01:24:23,058
Because at this very
moment this warehouse
1718
01:24:23,101 --> 01:24:27,366
is being surrounded by 100
cops with doberman pincers.
1719
01:24:27,410 --> 01:24:28,367
Would you believe it?
1720
01:24:28,411 --> 01:24:30,543
100 cops with doberman pincers.
1721
01:24:30,587 --> 01:24:32,067
I find that hard to believe.
1722
01:24:32,110 --> 01:24:36,071
Would you believe 10 security
guards and a bloodhound?
1723
01:24:36,114 --> 01:24:37,550
I don't think so.
1724
01:24:37,594 --> 01:24:39,639
How 'bout a boy
scout with rabies?
1725
01:24:39,683 --> 01:24:41,554
Mr. Smart, there
is no force on earth
1726
01:24:41,598 --> 01:24:43,295
capable of stopping me.
1727
01:24:43,339 --> 01:24:46,733
I can burn towns, freeze cities.
1728
01:24:46,777 --> 01:24:49,040
I can electrocute countries.
1729
01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:52,652
I can drown the city that
houses your finest minds,
1730
01:24:52,696 --> 01:24:54,654
your most brilliant intellects.
1731
01:24:54,698 --> 01:24:56,917
Well, at least
Washington is safe.
1732
01:24:56,961 --> 01:24:58,441
Think of it, Mr. Smart.
1733
01:24:58,484 --> 01:25:00,486
With a push of a button,
1734
01:25:00,530 --> 01:25:03,750
I can create weather
around the world
1735
01:25:03,794 --> 01:25:05,839
or right in this laboratory.
1736
01:25:05,883 --> 01:25:09,669
Snow storms,
hurricanes, tornadoes,
1737
01:25:09,713 --> 01:25:10,801
or lightning.
1738
01:25:18,461 --> 01:25:20,680
What do you have to
say now, Mr. Smart?
1739
01:25:20,724 --> 01:25:22,856
It's a brilliant plan, Dimente.
1740
01:25:22,900 --> 01:25:25,468
Too bad for you we
found out about it.
1741
01:25:25,511 --> 01:25:27,383
Too bad for you,
1742
01:25:27,426 --> 01:25:29,124
because now I'm gonna
have to kill you.
1743
01:25:29,167 --> 01:25:31,952
Well, I knew it was
too bad for somebody.
1744
01:25:31,996 --> 01:25:35,652
Mr. Smart, you have
an admirable spirit.
1745
01:25:36,740 --> 01:25:38,611
Oh, I regret that we
were unable to meet
1746
01:25:38,655 --> 01:25:41,745
under more favorable conditions.
1747
01:25:41,788 --> 01:25:45,444
I'll see you in the
morning for breakfast,
1748
01:25:45,488 --> 01:25:46,793
or final requests.
1749
01:25:48,186 --> 01:25:51,668
99, I think he's the wrong
publisher for your book.
1750
01:25:51,711 --> 01:25:54,671
Folks, we can't afford to
hang around here much longer.
1751
01:25:54,714 --> 01:25:57,021
If only we had our
old inflato-coats.
1752
01:25:57,064 --> 01:25:58,631
We have better than that.
1753
01:25:58,675 --> 01:26:02,809
I've got a designer
destructo-coat by Dr. Denton.
1754
01:26:02,853 --> 01:26:05,986
See if you can press
my cuff buttons
1755
01:26:06,030 --> 01:26:08,380
to one-two-one-two.
1756
01:26:20,523 --> 01:26:22,699
Okay, one down, three to go.
1757
01:26:28,661 --> 01:26:29,967
All right,
1758
01:26:30,010 --> 01:26:32,099
take this card and unchain
Beamish and Schmelding.
1759
01:26:32,143 --> 01:26:34,189
I'm gonna call headquarters.
1760
01:26:38,671 --> 01:26:41,674
This is Maxwell, Smart, put
me through to the commander.
1761
01:26:41,718 --> 01:26:43,198
I have vital information.
1762
01:26:43,241 --> 01:26:44,808
Hello, this is Minnie...
1763
01:26:44,851 --> 01:26:47,680
Minnie, get off the line,
this is an actual emergency.
1764
01:26:47,724 --> 01:26:49,682
With cup size, at the beep.
1765
01:26:49,726 --> 01:26:51,945
It's her answering machine.
1766
01:26:53,860 --> 01:26:57,690
Oh, Maxwell, you can't ask
me to demolish this machine.
1767
01:26:57,734 --> 01:26:59,126
It's a work of genius.
1768
01:26:59,170 --> 01:27:01,520
It's so simple,
everything is marked.
1769
01:27:01,564 --> 01:27:03,087
You press a button,
you get rain.
1770
01:27:03,130 --> 01:27:03,914
You press another...
1771
01:27:03,957 --> 01:27:05,481
Destroy it, Professor.
1772
01:27:05,524 --> 01:27:07,134
But it's all we have
left of Hottentot.
1773
01:27:07,178 --> 01:27:09,006
Orders are orders.
1774
01:27:09,049 --> 01:27:11,965
Beamish, you've been here
longest, what are we up against?
1775
01:27:12,009 --> 01:27:14,141
Far as I can tell, it's
only two guards and Shtarker.
1776
01:27:14,185 --> 01:27:15,099
Let's take 'em.
1777
01:27:15,142 --> 01:27:16,535
They've got guns.
1778
01:27:16,579 --> 01:27:17,623
Yes, but we have the
element of surprise.
1779
01:27:38,949 --> 01:27:40,167
We've gotta split up.
1780
01:27:40,211 --> 01:27:41,821
99, you go that way,
I'll go that way.
1781
01:27:41,865 --> 01:27:42,909
Beamish, you go that way.
1782
01:27:43,823 --> 01:27:45,260
Get them!
1783
01:28:33,830 --> 01:28:36,223
Nobody gets through
War and Peace.
1784
01:29:00,683 --> 01:29:02,598
Missed me by that much.
1785
01:29:55,781 --> 01:29:56,826
Max!
1786
01:30:01,657 --> 01:30:03,746
Max, that was fantastic.
1787
01:30:03,789 --> 01:30:05,835
Yes, well, 99, it
only goes to prove
1788
01:30:05,878 --> 01:30:08,403
that the pen is
mightier than the sword.
1789
01:30:08,446 --> 01:30:09,795
Mr. Smart!
1790
01:30:09,839 --> 01:30:12,711
That was my best brush
with death so far.
1791
01:30:12,755 --> 01:30:15,366
99, I want you and
Beamish to tie up Shtarker
1792
01:30:15,410 --> 01:30:17,716
and the other two, then
call headquarters for help.
1793
01:30:17,760 --> 01:30:19,414
I'm gonna see how
the professor is.
1794
01:30:19,457 --> 01:30:20,676
Right, Max.
1795
01:30:25,898 --> 01:30:26,812
Professor.
1796
01:30:26,856 --> 01:30:28,335
Mr. Smart,
1797
01:30:28,379 --> 01:30:32,296
you have a most irritating
habit of complicating my life.
1798
01:30:32,339 --> 01:30:34,733
We've captured your
men, it's all over.
1799
01:30:36,126 --> 01:30:38,694
You do have a
style, Mr. Smart.
1800
01:30:38,737 --> 01:30:40,391
Where would you like it?
1801
01:30:40,435 --> 01:30:42,741
I'll give it to you
anywhere you want.
1802
01:30:42,785 --> 01:30:45,178
How about Philadelphia?
1803
01:30:49,313 --> 01:30:50,749
You call headquarters.
1804
01:30:50,793 --> 01:30:51,837
I want to see how Max and
the professor are doing.
1805
01:30:51,881 --> 01:30:52,925
Okay.
1806
01:31:26,524 --> 01:31:28,483
Oh, Max, how horrible.
1807
01:31:28,526 --> 01:31:30,223
Well, he deserved it, 99.
1808
01:31:30,267 --> 01:31:32,356
He was nothing
but a KAOS killer.
1809
01:31:32,399 --> 01:31:34,489
Sometimes I wonder if
we're any better, Max.
1810
01:31:34,532 --> 01:31:35,968
What are you talking about, 99?
1811
01:31:36,012 --> 01:31:37,492
We have to kill and
maim and destroy.
1812
01:31:37,535 --> 01:31:39,406
We stand for everything
that's good and fine
1813
01:31:39,450 --> 01:31:41,800
and decent in the world.
1814
01:31:43,019 --> 01:31:46,152
Help is on the way and yuck.
1815
01:31:46,196 --> 01:31:47,414
Professor!
1816
01:31:47,458 --> 01:31:48,459
Are you okay?
1817
01:31:48,503 --> 01:31:49,895
I'm all right.
1818
01:31:51,201 --> 01:31:53,812
But I'm telling you, Beamish,
a career change at my age
1819
01:31:53,856 --> 01:31:55,814
is not a good idea.
1820
01:31:55,858 --> 01:31:57,990
Oh, I'm aching, I'm paining.
1821
01:31:58,034 --> 01:32:00,471
However, Professor,
we did save the world.
1822
01:32:00,515 --> 01:32:02,473
It wasn't worth it.
1823
01:32:02,517 --> 01:32:04,344
It's just like old times, Max.
1824
01:32:04,388 --> 01:32:05,389
We did it.
1825
01:32:05,432 --> 01:32:07,086
Let's do it again.
1826
01:32:08,566 --> 01:32:11,003
Max, Beamish and the
professor are watching.
1827
01:32:11,047 --> 01:32:12,875
Let's wait until we get home.
1828
01:32:12,918 --> 01:32:13,528
I can't.
1829
01:32:22,232 --> 01:32:25,801
99, I love you better
than the whole world.
1830
01:32:25,844 --> 01:32:28,020
Would you believe
it, the whole world?
1831
01:32:28,064 --> 01:32:30,153
Oh, Max, I believe it.
130836
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