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1
00:00:05,634 --> 00:00:06,801
Miss!
2
00:00:06,801 --> 00:00:08,801
In a minute.
In a minute!
3
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:11,367
Can I at least
get a menu here?
4
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:14,300
No. I wouldn't want
to get your hopes up.
5
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:16,367
Just put it
on a plate.
6
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:18,868
I'll pick the hairs
out of it.
7
00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,501
Oh, god.
You looked swamped.
8
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:21,934
I'm sorry I'm late.
9
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,300
Don't apologize to me.
10
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,868
Apologize to the people
I took it out on.
11
00:00:26,868 --> 00:00:28,467
Let me get
my coat off.
12
00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:30,400
Walter, what's
it going to be?
13
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,567
It's unbelievable,
Roseanne!
14
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:33,067
I just saw
the television set
15
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:36,033
That lets you watch
two channels at once.
16
00:00:36,033 --> 00:00:38,133
You can watch
what you're watching
17
00:00:38,133 --> 00:00:41,000
and what you're missing
at the same time,
18
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,534
But you're missing
life, because--
19
00:00:42,534 --> 00:00:43,968
You're getting soup.
20
00:00:43,968 --> 00:00:45,200
O.k.
21
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,634
I hate it
when his mommy
don't pack his lunch.
22
00:00:48,634 --> 00:00:49,801
Oh!
23
00:00:49,801 --> 00:00:50,968
Damn it!
24
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,167
What?
25
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:54,667
I threw out
my back again.
26
00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:55,834
Oh, man.
27
00:00:55,834 --> 00:00:57,334
This is just
getting ridiculous.
28
00:00:57,334 --> 00:00:59,334
How am I
supposed to work
29
00:00:59,334 --> 00:01:01,267
when this happens
all the time?
30
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:02,767
Let me just sit down.
31
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:04,000
Miss!
32
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,934
You sit right here.
I'll get that.
33
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,434
Miss, you got
any steak sauce?
34
00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:10,634
Yeah.
35
00:01:10,634 --> 00:01:13,601
It's on the other side
of the counter there.
36
00:01:13,601 --> 00:01:15,667
Do you mind
getting it yourself?
37
00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:17,601
I can't bend over
too good.
38
00:01:17,601 --> 00:01:18,834
O.k.
39
00:01:18,834 --> 00:01:21,167
Yeah, I've seen
a couple of doctors.
40
00:01:21,167 --> 00:01:22,701
They've described
these pills,
41
00:01:22,701 --> 00:01:23,968
But they don't
do anything.
42
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:27,534
Can I get
my cake and coffee?
43
00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:30,167
Yeah. Do you mind
getting it yourself,
44
00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:33,300
because I can't really
reach up too good?
45
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,367
Cut yourself
a great big slab.
46
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:38,033
[Bell rings]
47
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:39,968
Walter, your soup's up.
48
00:01:39,968 --> 00:01:41,300
Got it.
49
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,901
Walter, honey, will you
take those fries
50
00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:49,467
and drop them off
to this guy in the red?
51
00:01:49,467 --> 00:01:50,968
Thanks a lot.
52
00:01:50,968 --> 00:01:53,033
You want some
more coffee?
53
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,968
Do you mind,
since you're up,
54
00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,534
pouring her another cup?
55
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,801
Well, the pot's
almost empty.
56
00:01:58,801 --> 00:02:02,868
Oh, well, there's
some filters right
on the shelf there.
57
00:02:04,934 --> 00:02:06,534
Roseanne,
what are you doing?
58
00:02:06,534 --> 00:02:08,000
It's taken me a while,
59
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,534
but I do believe
I'm finally getting
the hang of this job.
60
00:03:30,267 --> 00:03:31,267
Have a seat, Mrs. Conner,
61
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:34,267
The doctor will be here
in a minute.
62
00:03:34,267 --> 00:03:35,834
So, what did he say?
63
00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:37,801
"Put your clothes on.
I'm done."
64
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,801
You know,
like any man.
65
00:03:39,801 --> 00:03:40,968
Oh!
66
00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:50,901
No. Dr. Dixon will be
able to help you.
67
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,167
Why?
68
00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,067
He's the best.
He helped me so much
69
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,067
When I hurt my back
on the force.
70
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,000
You have
a crush on him.
71
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,567
I do not.
72
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,567
I hope he can
do something.
73
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:05,501
I can't lay in bed
when this happens
anymore.
74
00:04:05,501 --> 00:04:08,434
I thought the girls
were taking care of you.
75
00:04:08,434 --> 00:04:10,000
No. They're
sick of me.
76
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,467
The next time
I ask for a pillow
77
00:04:12,467 --> 00:04:14,934
they're going to
brick up my bedroom.
78
00:04:14,934 --> 00:04:17,934
Sorry to keep you
waiting, Mrs.. Conner.
79
00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:19,033
Jackie!
80
00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:21,334
Hi, Dr. Dixon!
81
00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:23,033
How's the back?
82
00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:24,467
Oh, it's o.k.
83
00:04:24,467 --> 00:04:27,467
It acts up
every once in a while.
84
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:28,701
Since when?
85
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:29,868
Since...
86
00:04:29,868 --> 00:04:31,033
Shut up.
87
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,868
Maybe you should
make an appointment.
88
00:04:34,868 --> 00:04:37,400
Thanks.
That would be fun.
89
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,834
Now, Mrs.. Conner,
your x-rays show
90
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:42,567
No spinal damage
or abnormality.
91
00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:44,501
Which means it's
a muscular problem.
92
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:48,133
I should try diet
and exercise,
maybe even hot baths.
93
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:51,667
You'll prescribe
these little blue pills
that don't do anything.
94
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:55,701
Guess that just leaves
the small matter
of my fee.
95
00:04:55,701 --> 00:04:57,767
So you can't do
anything either?
96
00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:00,667
A surgical procedure
would give you some relief.
97
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:01,901
No, thanks.
98
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:04,200
You haven't heard
what it is yet.
99
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,100
I'm talking
about a breast reduction.
100
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,100
Oh, yikes.
101
00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:11,834
Are you sure
you're not reading
102
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:14,601
The wrong side
of the x-rays?
103
00:05:14,601 --> 00:05:17,033
You have bra strap pain.
104
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:18,467
Most of your problems
105
00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:21,167
are in the upper back
and shoulders.
106
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:23,801
Your back continually
compensates for your front,
107
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,033
which is...
108
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,234
Huge.
109
00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:28,534
Sorry.
110
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,767
If you reduce
the weight of your breasts,
111
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,400
your posture
will be better.
112
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,300
That will lessen
lower back pain.
113
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,334
Do people
really do this?
114
00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:39,767
Yeah, it's fairly common.
115
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,300
The risk is minimal.
116
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,901
Well, what happens?
117
00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:45,400
I brought a brochure
to show you.
118
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,400
See, the surgeon
makes an incision
119
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,501
underneath the breast,
around the nipple,
120
00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:54,400
And in a vertical line
between the two.
121
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,434
The excess breast tissue
is then removed,
122
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:01,868
and the nipple is then
grafted back onto the breast
123
00:06:01,868 --> 00:06:03,367
in a higher position.
124
00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:08,334
What sick nazi man
came up with this idea?
125
00:06:11,033 --> 00:06:14,000
It sounds worse
than it is.
126
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,467
Maybe it's something
that should think about.
127
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:17,634
It's crazy!
128
00:06:17,634 --> 00:06:19,567
Well, you've tried
everything else.
129
00:06:19,567 --> 00:06:21,567
Well, how much
do they...
130
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:23,300
take off?
131
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,534
Just enough so you wouldn't
need to see me anymore.
132
00:06:26,534 --> 00:06:28,400
What am I going
to look like?
133
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,100
What if he
goes crazy?
134
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:33,033
I don't want
to end up looking
like, you know.
135
00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:34,767
Hey, hey!
136
00:06:37,434 --> 00:06:38,868
I didn't mean that.
137
00:06:38,868 --> 00:06:41,367
I just meant these
have been a big part
138
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,934
of what I am
my whole life.
139
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:45,934
We're talking
about changing that.
140
00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:47,300
Maybe you'll
feel better.
141
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:50,434
I think it's just
a moot point anyway.
142
00:06:50,434 --> 00:06:53,367
It's not like
I could ever afford it.
143
00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:55,200
How much does that cost?
144
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,267
Around $6,000.
145
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:57,434
Each?
146
00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:00,767
No. No, no.
147
00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:02,334
Since you've had
chronic problems,
148
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:05,267
insurance would probably
cover about 80% of it.
149
00:07:05,267 --> 00:07:08,834
Look, obviously you've got
a lot of thinking to do,
150
00:07:08,834 --> 00:07:10,200
and, if you want,
151
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,334
I can recommend
a wonderful specialist.
152
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:14,868
Or you might want
a second opinion.
153
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,767
Don't worry.
I'm sure I will
when I get home.
154
00:07:26,934 --> 00:07:30,133
Only one night
in the hospital.
That's a pro.
155
00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:31,567
It's the hospital.
Con.
156
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:35,601
An art linkletter bed,
color TV, room service.
Pro.
157
00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:38,067
But the food will suck.
Con.
158
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,434
It sucks here.
159
00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:41,400
You'll be away
from the kids.
160
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,734
Yeah, but they'll
want to visit.
161
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,167
But you'll be
drugged up,
162
00:07:45,167 --> 00:07:48,334
so call them names
and fall back asleep.
163
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:49,834
Yeah. Huge pro.
164
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:51,334
What about Dan, though?
165
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:53,400
Dan wants you
to feel better.
166
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,901
I don't even know
how to tell him
about this.
167
00:07:56,901 --> 00:07:58,334
Well, I'll think
of some--
168
00:07:58,334 --> 00:07:59,834
Con, con, con.
169
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,901
Fine. I'll pretend
like nothing happened.
170
00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:04,234
Nothing did happen.
I haven't made up my mind.
171
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,133
Mark, the car never
made this noise before.
172
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:08,834
It's like
a rattling noise.
173
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:11,501
No, my father
already fixed it.
174
00:08:11,501 --> 00:08:14,734
That's why I can't
get it out of the driveway.
175
00:08:14,734 --> 00:08:18,167
Car doesn't have to run
for you to live in it.
176
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:19,400
Hey.
177
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,367
How come
you're just sitting there?
178
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,400
Waiting for dinner.
179
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,400
Did it ever occur to you
180
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,334
to get off your butt
and heat something up?
181
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:31,334
Oh, no. It was
way too early to panic.
182
00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:35,834
Well, where's D.J.?
183
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:38,901
He got hungry
and went over
to Todd's.
184
00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:40,801
God, if I didn't
come home,
185
00:08:40,801 --> 00:08:42,801
you all would
starve to death.
186
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:44,801
Will you
hem my new jeans?
187
00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:48,300
Yes, but can I please
make dinner for you first?
188
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,634
Please?
189
00:08:49,634 --> 00:08:52,400
If you're making meatloaf,
I'm just having salad.
190
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,334
Does anybody care
this woman was at the doctor
191
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,868
and has something important
to discuss with you all?
192
00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:04,200
Thank you, Jackie.
193
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,167
It would've been stupid
to wait for the right time.
194
00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:09,834
What did he
tell you?
195
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,300
It's kind of funny,
actually.
196
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,300
I went there
to talk about my back.
197
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:18,033
All he just kept talking
about was my boobs.
198
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,300
Do you want me
to beat him up?
199
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:26,367
No. He said
I should maybe think about
200
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:28,734
getting a breast reduction.
201
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,734
What?
202
00:09:31,634 --> 00:09:34,634
He said it would
maybe help my back
203
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:37,100
if I got my boobs
shortened up.
204
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,300
Are you going
to do it?
205
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:42,667
I haven't made up
my mind yet.
206
00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:45,767
The doctor says
her back keeps going out
207
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,767
because of all the weight
up front.
208
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:53,167
How long would you
be in the hospital?
209
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:55,100
She'd go in
the night before.
210
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,667
It would take
a couple of weeks
211
00:09:57,667 --> 00:10:00,467
to get better, so
you'd have to help out
212
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,601
with the cooking
and housecleaning.
213
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:06,100
After that she'll go back
to doing all the chores,
214
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,501
and you'd be
off the hook.
215
00:10:08,501 --> 00:10:11,534
Make that the
last thing you say.
216
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:12,701
O.k., o.k.
217
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:14,701
If it'll stop
the back pain,
218
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:17,267
you should have
the operation.
219
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,167
You'll feel better.
You'll look great.
220
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:21,334
You can buy
all new clothes.
221
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:24,934
Is everything
a trip to the mall
for you, Becky?
222
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:27,367
Shut up.
It'll be good for her.
223
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:29,901
I guess it's something
she's always wanted.
224
00:10:29,901 --> 00:10:31,534
What are you
talking about?
225
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:34,534
You know you always
wanted perky ones.
226
00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:39,400
You try walking around
227
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,033
with your shoulders
hunched over and
your back up in knots.
228
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:46,334
Then we'll talk about
why I'm really
doing this.
229
00:10:46,334 --> 00:10:48,300
So you are doing it?
230
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,534
Well...
231
00:10:49,534 --> 00:10:52,000
Come on, girls.
Let's get a pizza.
232
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,367
Come on, Darlene.
233
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:56,367
Why are we leaving?
This affects all of us.
234
00:10:56,367 --> 00:10:58,934
Ever since you
went on solid foods,
235
00:10:58,934 --> 00:11:01,934
they ceased to be
any concern of yours.
236
00:11:01,934 --> 00:11:03,501
Come on, Darlene.
237
00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:04,601
Let's go.
238
00:11:11,267 --> 00:11:13,934
I'm going to make
a sandwich.
Want one?
239
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:17,534
No, I want you to
talk to me about this.
240
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:19,300
It's your decision, honey.
241
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,968
I know.
Tell me how you feel.
242
00:11:21,968 --> 00:11:24,033
I don't know
how I feel.
243
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:25,567
I'm sitting,
waiting for dinner,
244
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,501
and you say
you're getting
your breasts reduced.
245
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,267
How am I suppose to feel?
246
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:32,767
I mean, is this
the only way?
247
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,834
Have you tried
everything else?
248
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,334
It's got to be surgery?
249
00:11:37,334 --> 00:11:39,300
What's bothering you
about the surgery?
250
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:41,234
You afraid
of how I'll look?
251
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:42,834
Oh, no, no.
252
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:45,300
You afraid
of the money,
'cause insur--
253
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,868
No, it's not the money.
254
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:48,367
Well, then what is it?
255
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:50,667
What was
the first one again?
256
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,601
I was worried
about I'd look,
257
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:56,601
but then
I saw these pictures
of how you look after,
258
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,100
I would just
look normal.
259
00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:00,100
I don't want you
looking normal.
260
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,467
I like you
the way you are.
261
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:05,367
I should've said
it was the money.
262
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:08,434
No, I asked how you felt.
You told me.
263
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:11,868
Am I the big pig now
'cause that bothers me?
264
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:13,868
No. It bothered me, too.
265
00:12:13,868 --> 00:12:16,868
You really think
this will make you
feel better?
266
00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:18,934
Yeah, I really
think I do.
267
00:12:18,934 --> 00:12:20,934
I'll have to
deal with it.
268
00:12:20,934 --> 00:12:23,801
Yeah, you know,
I'm not going to
change or anything.
269
00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:26,934
I'll still be
the same woman
you married.
270
00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:28,968
I'll just be
in less pain,
271
00:12:28,968 --> 00:12:31,467
so I won't be grumpy
and whiny all the time.
272
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:35,400
O.k., so I won't
exactly be the same
woman you married.
273
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,033
Come on in, Rose.
274
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:56,734
Is anybody in there
hooked up to tubes
or machines or hoses?
275
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,067
No.
276
00:12:58,067 --> 00:13:01,968
Oh, good,
'cause I don't
care for that.
277
00:13:01,968 --> 00:13:03,467
Hey, this ain't bad.
278
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:06,501
I don't know.
Hospital rooms
give me the creeps.
279
00:13:06,501 --> 00:13:09,033
Every time
we check out of one
280
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:10,534
we got a new kid.
281
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:11,934
Whoa, whoa,
what's that smell?
282
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:13,434
My nose is burning.
283
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:14,634
[Sniff]
284
00:13:14,634 --> 00:13:16,534
Oh, that's
the clean, Dan.
285
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:17,767
No kidding.
286
00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:21,133
Yeah. Don't go
getting used to it now.
287
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:24,000
Well, for your
dining pleasure
this evening,
288
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,667
We are serving
"clear beef bouillon
289
00:13:27,667 --> 00:13:29,167
Or chicken bouillon,"
290
00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:32,834
Which the chef informs
me is also clear.
291
00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:34,467
Is that it?
292
00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:36,100
If you still
have room,
293
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,601
Our dessert tray
consists of
294
00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:41,400
A shimmering brick
of green jell-o
and the tray itself.
295
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,901
Do me a favor?
296
00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:47,133
Go down the hall and drag
that snack machine in here.
297
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:50,534
You're not
supposed to eat
before the surgery.
298
00:13:50,534 --> 00:13:54,000
I'll only lick
the salt off the fritos.
299
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,501
You can eat them.
300
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,067
How long
are visiting hours?
301
00:13:57,067 --> 00:14:00,000
I don't know.
Stay and keep me company.
302
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,167
O.k.
303
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,667
Sports channel.
304
00:14:07,734 --> 00:14:10,601
Dan, I've got
a private room.
305
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:11,834
Good deal.
306
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,834
Do you want
to fool around?
307
00:14:16,734 --> 00:14:19,100
In the hospital?
308
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,667
Look. The bed
goes up and down.
309
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,534
You wouldn't have
to do nothing.
310
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,501
I don't think so.
311
00:14:32,501 --> 00:14:33,767
Aw...
312
00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,567
Are you o.k.
with this?
313
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:38,067
Why worry about me?
Are you o.k.?
314
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:39,234
Yeah.
315
00:14:39,234 --> 00:14:40,734
Then me, too.
316
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:41,968
You sure?
317
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,968
I'm with you
all the way--
318
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:47,100
When they
wheel you down,
when it's over.
319
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,934
While it's happening
I'll be far away
liquored up.
320
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:52,200
Knock, knock.
Am I interrupting?
321
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,701
No, it's o.k.
322
00:14:53,701 --> 00:14:55,033
Surprise!
Surprise!
323
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:57,367
* For they were
jolly good fellows *
324
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,634
* For they were
jolly good fellows *
325
00:14:59,634 --> 00:15:02,300
* For they were
jolly good fellows *
326
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,667
* Which nobody can deny **
327
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:05,834
Ooh--ooh!
328
00:15:05,834 --> 00:15:07,000
Whoo!
329
00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:10,667
Oh, look it!
A boob cake!
330
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,267
Where did you
get that?
331
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,267
I saw it in
good housekeeping.
332
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:16,133
It was
for a kitty-cat face.
333
00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:18,968
I trimmed the ears
and doubled the recipe.
334
00:15:18,968 --> 00:15:20,801
Boy, am I leaving.
335
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:23,667
I'll be here
first thing
in the morning.
336
00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,167
So will I.
337
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:26,634
No cake for her.
338
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,701
He seems to be
doing better.
339
00:15:28,701 --> 00:15:32,934
Well, it would be easier
if he was a leg man.
340
00:15:32,934 --> 00:15:34,434
You know
Dan tells everybody
341
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,734
the first thing
he noticed about you
342
00:15:36,734 --> 00:15:38,133
was your eyes.
343
00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:39,701
Men have to say that,
Crystal.
344
00:15:39,701 --> 00:15:41,234
It's the law.
345
00:15:41,234 --> 00:15:43,133
Mmm-hmm. You know
they're lying.
346
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:45,634
All they think about
are our chests.
347
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:47,667
At least every guy
I ever went out with.
348
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:52,200
One article said
one reason men are
so obsessed with breasts
349
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,200
is that they represent
security and nurturing
350
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,901
And--and motherhood.
351
00:15:56,901 --> 00:15:58,634
Ohh!
352
00:15:58,634 --> 00:16:01,033
That's why
they call them hooters.
353
00:16:02,534 --> 00:16:06,300
Or as my fellow truckers
like to say,
354
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,701
bumpers...
355
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:08,734
headlights...
356
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:12,367
and then the ever
flattering airbags.
357
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:13,834
Then there's
your fruits
358
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,334
and vegetables,
right?
359
00:16:15,334 --> 00:16:16,534
Coconuts, mangoes...
360
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:17,567
pineapples...
361
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:18,734
sweet potatoes...
362
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:20,234
the entire melon family.
363
00:16:21,634 --> 00:16:24,434
and don't forget
a nice pair.
364
00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:26,467
They have
the nerve to say
365
00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:28,734
they love you
for your brain.
366
00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:30,334
Which can't be true,
367
00:16:30,334 --> 00:16:33,234
because they've only got
one word for brain.
368
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:34,734
If that was true,
369
00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:38,934
all those bars
would be having
wet hat contests.
370
00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:41,434
Well, we brought you
a present, Roseanne.
371
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,100
Goody, goody.
Let me see.
372
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,601
Oh, gimme it.
373
00:16:44,601 --> 00:16:46,100
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
374
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,200
Oh!
375
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,734
Whoa!
Yahoo!
376
00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:50,801
Look it.
No underwires!
377
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:51,968
No underwire!
378
00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,634
Yeow!
379
00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:56,567
Now I can go through
the metal detector
at the airport
380
00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:58,767
without setting it off.
381
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,767
All right, Mrs.. Conner,
we're about ready.
382
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:14,133
Did everybody
wash their hands?
383
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:15,300
Yes, ma'am.
384
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,234
Who are you?
You're not my doctor.
385
00:17:18,234 --> 00:17:19,734
Dr. Foster, your
anesthesiologist.
386
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:22,167
Do you have any pull
around here?
387
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,667
I never did
get my jell-o.
388
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,634
Now, just count
backwards from 100.
389
00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:30,634
O.k., but if I wake up
with a baby,
390
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:35,167
I'm going to personally
kick your as...
391
00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:39,734
Rosie.
392
00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:43,534
Rosie.
393
00:17:45,234 --> 00:17:46,734
Wake up, sleepyhead.
394
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:47,901
Dan?
395
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,100
Hi, honey.
How do you feel?
396
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,501
How did everything go?
397
00:17:51,501 --> 00:17:53,334
The operation went great.
398
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,601
The surgeon said
it's his best work ever.
399
00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:57,767
I want to see.
I want to see.
400
00:17:57,767 --> 00:18:00,167
O.k. There's
a mirror by the wall.
401
00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:01,801
Let me help you up.
402
00:18:07,868 --> 00:18:12,367
Aah!
403
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:13,567
Great, huh?
404
00:18:13,567 --> 00:18:16,534
They were supposed
to make them smaller!
405
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:19,367
This is better.
406
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:22,467
Oh, my god!
407
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:24,801
Oh, my god!
408
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:26,868
Calm down, Mrs.. Conner.
Calm down.
409
00:18:26,868 --> 00:18:29,300
I've got your jell-o
right here.
410
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,801
What did you
do to me?
411
00:18:31,801 --> 00:18:33,300
What happened?
412
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,300
You had a breast
enlargement.
413
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:36,734
And a great one!
414
00:18:37,801 --> 00:18:40,334
I was supposed
to have a reduction!
415
00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:41,934
You made a mistake!
416
00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:43,934
That's not true,
Mrs.. Conner.
417
00:18:43,934 --> 00:18:45,934
Here's your release form
right there.
418
00:18:45,934 --> 00:18:47,334
Here's your signature.
419
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:50,334
My doctor told me what
he was going to do!
420
00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:51,834
I want to see my doctor!
421
00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:53,834
I want to see him now!
422
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:55,200
Right away.
423
00:18:57,834 --> 00:19:00,234
Doctor, we need you.
424
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:04,000
Yes?
425
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:18,367
What's wrong?
426
00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:19,901
Not big enough?
427
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,133
Rosie.
428
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:30,300
Rosie.
429
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,434
Dan?
430
00:19:31,434 --> 00:19:32,868
She's awake, Jacks.
431
00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:35,300
Roseanne, hi.
432
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,767
How are you?
433
00:19:39,901 --> 00:19:43,901
Oh, way to go, Doogie.
434
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,601
Huh!
435
00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:05,834
Well...
436
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:08,834
Now I just got to
work on this.
437
00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:16,968
Stop it.
438
00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:19,501
I'm not touching you.
439
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:21,434
I'm warning you, D.J.
Quit it.
440
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:23,033
I'm not touching you.
441
00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:24,000
That's it.
442
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:27,801
[Thud]
443
00:20:27,801 --> 00:20:28,968
Ow!
444
00:20:28,968 --> 00:20:31,901
Dad, I never
touched her.
445
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:35,501
Well, it was hardly
worth it then,
was it, son?
446
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,567
How come you're
home so late?
447
00:20:37,567 --> 00:20:40,133
Drive your brother
and sister to school.
448
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:43,133
Yeah, Deej, let's go
for a little ride.
449
00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:44,734
I'm taking the bus.
450
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:47,634
Smart. There's 70 kids
waiting to beat him up
451
00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:49,133
on the bus.
452
00:20:49,133 --> 00:20:51,701
So, mom,
first day back to work?
453
00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:52,868
That's right.
454
00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:56,234
Going to
take the twins out
for show and tell?
455
00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:58,534
Har har.
Go to school, Darlene.
456
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:00,033
All right.
All right.
457
00:21:00,033 --> 00:21:01,534
Uh...
By the way...
458
00:21:01,534 --> 00:21:03,033
You look nice.
459
00:21:03,033 --> 00:21:06,033
How many times
do I have to tell you?
460
00:21:06,033 --> 00:21:09,033
I did this
so I would feel better,
461
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:11,033
Not so I would
look better?
462
00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:13,400
God, take a pill.
463
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:18,067
So?
464
00:21:20,267 --> 00:21:21,467
What?
465
00:21:21,467 --> 00:21:23,200
How do I look?
466
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,234
I'm a sucker
for a woman in uniform.
467
00:21:26,234 --> 00:21:28,868
Did you check out
the name tag?
468
00:21:28,868 --> 00:21:31,367
Yeah.
It looks bigger.
469
00:21:31,367 --> 00:21:34,267
Yeah, like,
my whole uniform's
really, really big,
470
00:21:34,267 --> 00:21:35,968
You know,
like a tent.
471
00:21:35,968 --> 00:21:38,367
Want to
go camping, Dan?
472
00:21:38,367 --> 00:21:39,701
Now?
473
00:21:39,701 --> 00:21:41,467
Aren't you
going to be late?
474
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:44,033
Well, I got,
like, an hour.
475
00:21:44,033 --> 00:21:46,467
Well, you keep saying
you're sore.
476
00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:52,033
I just say that
so the girls will keep
doing all the crap work.
477
00:21:52,033 --> 00:21:55,334
Come on, Dan.
It's been, like, a while.
478
00:21:55,334 --> 00:21:57,634
I know.
479
00:21:59,434 --> 00:22:01,067
What's the matter?
480
00:22:01,067 --> 00:22:04,767
I'm not sure
this is the right time.
481
00:22:04,767 --> 00:22:06,234
No, it's the perfect time.
482
00:22:06,234 --> 00:22:09,167
I haven't even
made the bed yet.
483
00:22:10,734 --> 00:22:13,834
I don't know.
I feel kind of weird.
484
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,734
It's still me.
485
00:22:16,901 --> 00:22:18,767
I'm nervous, honey.
486
00:22:19,901 --> 00:22:22,000
Well, don't be.
487
00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:32,300
They're higher now.
488
00:22:43,067 --> 00:22:44,167
Ha ha ha!
489
00:22:44,167 --> 00:22:45,300
John!
490
00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:46,801
Hey, great show.
491
00:22:46,801 --> 00:22:47,968
Hey, thanks.
492
00:22:47,968 --> 00:22:49,968
How did that
scene go
493
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:53,300
In the kitchen--
kind of romantic?
494
00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:54,734
You didn't see it?
495
00:22:54,734 --> 00:22:57,868
No. I had a call
in my dressing room.
496
00:22:57,868 --> 00:23:00,734
It's weird.
There's no call
and the door jammed.
497
00:23:00,734 --> 00:23:01,801
I was stuck.
498
00:23:01,801 --> 00:23:03,234
That is weird.
499
00:23:03,234 --> 00:23:05,767
Did you do it
like I suggested?
500
00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:07,400
Yeah!
I played it nervous.
501
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,901
She breaks me down.
We shake hands.
502
00:23:09,901 --> 00:23:11,200
Everybody
agrees with you.
503
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,601
A simple platonic
gesture says it all.
504
00:23:15,601 --> 00:23:17,067
Cool.
506
00:23:18,467 --> 00:23:21,334
I love being a producer.
34259
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