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1
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:08,601
Darlene, get out there
and clear the table.
2
00:00:08,601 --> 00:00:10,000
In a minute.
3
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,434
No. I'm tired of
having this argument
every morning.
4
00:00:12,434 --> 00:00:14,834
I want you
to do it now.
5
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:16,267
I'm watching dad
shovel snow.
6
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,801
Oh. Well, scoot over.
7
00:00:20,133 --> 00:00:21,467
If you listen close,
8
00:00:21,467 --> 00:00:24,334
You can hear him
wheezing a little tune.
9
00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:26,767
I don't know
why he won't get somebody
10
00:00:26,767 --> 00:00:28,334
to do that for him.
11
00:00:28,334 --> 00:00:30,667
One day he'll
keel over out there,
12
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:33,400
and I won't be able to get
my car out of the driveway.
13
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,901
Here's my new
birthday list.
14
00:00:36,901 --> 00:00:38,300
Oh.
15
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,734
Well, let's see.
16
00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:41,334
A new bathrobe.
17
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:44,267
I'm taking a bath
every night
from now on.
18
00:00:44,267 --> 00:00:45,601
Oh, yeah?
19
00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:47,200
And a new desk lamp.
20
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,601
That's so you can do
your homework better?
21
00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:51,200
Uh-huh.
22
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,133
And let's see what else
we got down here.
23
00:00:54,133 --> 00:00:55,300
Uh...oh.
24
00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:57,767
A super nintendo
video game.
25
00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:59,767
Yeah. If that's
too many things,
26
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:02,100
cross off the lamp
and the robe.
27
00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:06,801
I told you we can't
afford a video game now.
28
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,200
All my friends
have them.
29
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,834
They make fun of me
because I don't.
30
00:01:10,834 --> 00:01:13,834
That's not why
they make fun
of you, D.J.
31
00:01:13,834 --> 00:01:15,901
It's not fair.
32
00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:20,734
Dad, will you get me
a super nintendo?
33
00:01:20,734 --> 00:01:22,000
No.
34
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,267
But if I don't
catch my breath,
35
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:26,767
maybe your new daddy
will buy you one.
36
00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:29,200
I wish I lived
somewhere else!
37
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,601
Well, honey, you just
remember that wish
38
00:01:31,601 --> 00:01:34,434
when you're blowing out
your birthday candles.
39
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:37,067
I'm going to Todd's.
He has genesis.
40
00:01:39,968 --> 00:01:41,534
Did you get it?
41
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:42,801
It's at the shop.
42
00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:44,300
I got
an educational game
43
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:45,667
to go with it.
44
00:01:45,667 --> 00:01:48,267
Did you get the super
Mario brothers II?
45
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:49,667
I didn't forget you,
dear.
46
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:51,534
Yes.
47
00:01:51,534 --> 00:01:54,133
Wait. You actually
got him the video game?
48
00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:55,567
That's like 200 bucks.
49
00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:57,434
I got some extra
repair work,
50
00:01:57,434 --> 00:01:59,300
so I got
some extra cash.
51
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:00,834
When it was my birthday,
52
00:02:00,834 --> 00:02:03,634
why didn't I get
the leather jacket I wanted?
53
00:02:03,634 --> 00:02:06,000
Well, we wanted
to surprise you.
54
00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:09,734
Funny. Ha ha.
55
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,133
Are you leaving?
56
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:12,601
Yeah, I'm going to the--
57
00:02:12,601 --> 00:02:13,667
book store.
58
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:14,901
I'm out of here, too.
59
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,968
You working
in the restaurant today?
60
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:19,300
No. I actually
got the day off.
61
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,267
What are you
going to do?
62
00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:22,601
What do you think,
63
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,334
Sit and paint
my toenails?
64
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:26,300
I'm going
to clean the house.
65
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,501
So get out of here,
Dan, you big idiot.
66
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:31,400
It's not like you bought me
67
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,834
one of those self-cleaning
electric jetson houses.
68
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,367
Oh!
69
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:08,033
Oh, god! Oh, my back.
70
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:11,300
Oh...I can't move.
71
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,801
Dan!
72
00:03:16,801 --> 00:03:18,734
Ow!
73
00:03:18,734 --> 00:03:21,033
Oh, I--I can't get up,
74
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:23,968
and I don't have
one of those things!
75
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:30,133
I shouldn't have laughed
at that old lady on TV!
76
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:34,067
Dan!
77
00:04:51,434 --> 00:04:52,834
What do I do?
78
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,334
It's like that game
hedgehog.
79
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:55,767
power up
or you're dead.
80
00:04:55,767 --> 00:04:56,767
[Pow]
81
00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:57,767
What happened?
82
00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:58,868
You're dead.
83
00:04:58,868 --> 00:05:01,300
The skeleton
stabbed you
through the heart.
84
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,634
That's your blood.
85
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:04,968
Oh, man,
D.J.'s going to love this!
86
00:05:04,968 --> 00:05:07,868
Once he gets it,
we'll never see him again.
87
00:05:07,868 --> 00:05:09,367
Give it to him now.
88
00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:10,634
One more time.
89
00:05:10,634 --> 00:05:12,200
[Music starts]
90
00:05:14,934 --> 00:05:17,567
I'm glad D.J.'s
getting something
he really wants.
91
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,968
[Pop pop pop pop]
92
00:05:18,968 --> 00:05:21,234
Well, I'm off
to my boring job
93
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,901
So someday I can
afford to buy a car.
94
00:05:23,901 --> 00:05:25,234
Hey, hey, hey.
95
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:26,534
Hold it right there.
96
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:27,534
What?
97
00:05:27,534 --> 00:05:29,734
Every time we scrape
together some cash,
98
00:05:29,734 --> 00:05:32,133
You hit us up
for a car.
99
00:05:32,133 --> 00:05:34,133
That's the best time,
isn't it?
100
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:36,033
Well, we're
sick of it, Becky.
101
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:37,033
Jeez, I--
102
00:05:37,033 --> 00:05:38,767
Let me finish!
103
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:41,234
So we decided
you should have one.
104
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,868
You're buying me
a car?
105
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:45,968
That would be great,
wouldn't it?
106
00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:47,734
But it's just not us.
No...
107
00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:50,334
What we will do
108
00:05:50,334 --> 00:05:52,567
is match you
dollar for dollar.
109
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:54,801
Whatever you put down,
we'll put down.
110
00:05:54,801 --> 00:05:55,801
Really?
111
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:56,901
50-50.
112
00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:58,167
That's a deal.
113
00:05:58,167 --> 00:06:00,234
How much
you got saved up?
114
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:01,334
About 400.
115
00:06:01,334 --> 00:06:04,000
Already? Congratulations.
Today's the day.
116
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,601
Ah. You're not
getting off that easy.
117
00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:08,100
Thanks, daddy.
118
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,367
[Telephone rings]
119
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:10,667
You've been working
real hard,
120
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:13,801
So you deserve the best car
$2,200 can buy.
121
00:06:13,801 --> 00:06:16,067
Lanford custom cycle.
122
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,567
Hey, Deej.
What's going on?
123
00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,467
Oh, no.
124
00:06:20,567 --> 00:06:23,000
Was she--
let me talk to her.
125
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,267
What's going on?
126
00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:26,334
Your mom
threw her back out.
127
00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:28,734
I hope it's not
like that last time.
128
00:06:28,734 --> 00:06:30,701
It hurt her
just to breathe.
129
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:32,701
Hey, honey. Are you o.k.?
130
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:34,634
Ow, Dan!
It hurts, it hurts!
131
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:37,767
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Help me, Dan!
I'm dying!
132
00:06:37,767 --> 00:06:39,534
She's breathing o.k.
133
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,033
O.k. I got you. Easy.
134
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,601
Just a few more steps.
135
00:06:47,601 --> 00:06:49,534
Don't let go.
I'll tip over.
136
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,868
So what happened?
137
00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:53,300
You hurt yourself
while you were cleaning?
138
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,801
I didn't get that far.
139
00:06:54,801 --> 00:06:57,801
You didn't try
to shovel the walk,
did you?
140
00:06:57,801 --> 00:06:59,400
You got me.
141
00:07:01,334 --> 00:07:03,734
So was it your
upper back again?
142
00:07:03,734 --> 00:07:04,968
No. It's my whole back.
143
00:07:04,968 --> 00:07:08,667
It kind of just like
totally spasmed out,
you know?
144
00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,033
I was screaming so loud,
145
00:07:10,033 --> 00:07:12,434
D.J. Could hear me
from next door.
146
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:13,834
After about an hour,
147
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,000
he came home
to see what was wrong.
148
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,567
We should
call a doctor.
149
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,667
No. He's just
going to tell me
150
00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:23,100
to stay in bed
and take it easy
151
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,501
and not do anything.
152
00:07:24,501 --> 00:07:25,767
O.k. Call him.
153
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,100
Well, sorry, mom,
154
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,567
But unless you're going
to die or something,
155
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:31,934
I'm late for work.
156
00:07:31,934 --> 00:07:33,033
I'll survive.
157
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:34,200
See ya.
158
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,267
Yeah.
159
00:07:36,334 --> 00:07:37,834
Hmm. She kissed me.
160
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:40,834
She must know
about our car deal.
161
00:07:40,834 --> 00:07:42,167
Uh-huh.
162
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,467
Did she kiss you?
163
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:48,601
No, but she hugged me
and called me daddy.
164
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:52,234
All our kids
have a price,
don't they, Dan?
165
00:07:52,234 --> 00:07:54,534
Here's
the heating pad.
166
00:07:54,534 --> 00:07:56,367
Oh. D.J.,
I'm so sorry,
167
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:59,200
but I can't make you
a birthday party
168
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,033
until
I'm feeling better.
169
00:08:01,033 --> 00:08:03,901
Well, can't grandma
do it?
170
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,100
Grandma?
171
00:08:06,434 --> 00:08:08,667
You can go now,
D.J.
172
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,434
Your mother's coming?
173
00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:13,267
Yeah. I sort of
called her.
174
00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:15,434
And what
did you tell her?
175
00:08:15,434 --> 00:08:17,601
That I was in
excruciating pain.
176
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:19,167
Oh, jeez, Roseanne.
177
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,601
Couldn't you
think of me first?
178
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,534
Well, Dan,
you'll be at work.
179
00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:25,534
The kids
will be at school.
180
00:08:25,534 --> 00:08:28,100
I need somebody
to take care of me.
181
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,334
I can't
get out of bed.
182
00:08:30,334 --> 00:08:32,667
Once you're back
on your feet, she's out.
183
00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:33,734
O.k.
184
00:08:33,734 --> 00:08:35,133
I'll get you some tea.
185
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:36,133
Thank you.
186
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:39,167
Oh, my god! Wayne Newton!
187
00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:40,901
Rosie,
come out here quick!
188
00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:42,501
Wayne's here!
189
00:08:42,501 --> 00:08:45,167
Nice try.
190
00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:46,501
Damn.
191
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,601
How are those
apple pancakes?
192
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:54,834
Oh. They're perfect.
193
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,434
Remember how I always
made them for you
194
00:08:58,434 --> 00:08:59,834
When you were sick?
195
00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:01,667
Oh, you were so great.
196
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,667
You would feed a fever
and a cold.
197
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,501
You were such
a horrible patient.
198
00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:13,701
I had to hide
your medicine
in your food.
199
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,033
What kind of medicine?
200
00:09:20,033 --> 00:09:21,534
Oh, whatever I had
201
00:09:21,534 --> 00:09:23,534
That would make you
drowsy.
202
00:09:23,534 --> 00:09:24,767
Hi.
203
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:27,767
Hi. Did you get
all the stuff I wanted?
204
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,267
Yes, my queen.
205
00:09:29,267 --> 00:09:30,767
Here are your magazines,
206
00:09:30,767 --> 00:09:32,767
and there is
the hand lotion,
207
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,767
under-eye moisturizer,
cuticle cream,
208
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,334
and three emery boards.
209
00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:37,767
Well,
where's my gum?
210
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:39,367
Oh. Here.
211
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:40,667
Oh.
212
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,267
No! I didn't want
spearmint.
213
00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:43,767
I want peppermint!
214
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:45,000
So?
215
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,701
Spearmint doesn't
make me feel better.
216
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:52,167
Just chew it!
217
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:54,267
I haven't
even had a chance
218
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:56,200
To say hi to mom yet.
219
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,200
Hi, mom.
220
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,868
Hello, Jackie.
221
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,567
Well, how are you doing?
222
00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:06,567
Well, even in the middle
of an ugly divorce,
223
00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:07,934
life goes on.
224
00:10:07,934 --> 00:10:10,400
Fortunately I still
have one daughter
225
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,000
who asks me to visit.
226
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,767
How can you
even say that?
227
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:19,067
She's treating you
like a slave here.
228
00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:22,567
Which is more
than I could expect
from you, dear.
229
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,400
Morning.
230
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,067
Oh, happy
birthday, D.J.
231
00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:31,534
Can you get
out of bed yet?
232
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:33,501
No. I'm sorry,
I can't.
233
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:35,601
What about my cake?
234
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:36,968
I'll make you
one, D.J.
235
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:41,300
I want one from
the store like mom makes.
236
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:44,767
Well,
you're just going
to have to suffer.
237
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:46,901
This stinks.
238
00:10:46,901 --> 00:10:48,701
Where's my
birthday kiss?
239
00:10:48,701 --> 00:10:50,801
Come and get it.
240
00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:54,968
And he's my favorite.
241
00:10:54,968 --> 00:10:58,667
He's at that age
where the whole world
revolves around him.
242
00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:02,868
Yes. My little boy's
becoming a man.
243
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:12,701
Have you told Leon
you hurt your back
and wouldn't be in?
244
00:11:12,701 --> 00:11:15,934
Yeah. I think
he believed me.
245
00:11:15,934 --> 00:11:17,367
Hey.
Hey.
246
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:18,367
D.J. home?
247
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:19,367
No.
248
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,701
Where is he?
249
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:24,133
I think my mom
picked him up from school.
250
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:28,100
I went to the school
to surprise him by
going out for ice cream.
251
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:31,801
I guess you had
to eat the ice cream
by yourself.
252
00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:34,467
I was just trying
to make his day special.
253
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:35,934
It's his 10th birthday.
254
00:11:35,934 --> 00:11:37,534
You got more tape?
255
00:11:37,534 --> 00:11:39,534
I'll go get it.
256
00:11:39,534 --> 00:11:42,901
You've been throwing
your back out
since you were 15.
257
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,200
No kidding.
258
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,901
Shouldn't you do
something about it?
259
00:11:45,901 --> 00:11:47,400
What would you
suggest, Jackie?
260
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,033
Well, when I
was injured in
the line of duty--
261
00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:53,400
Oh, please.
262
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,901
You fell down
a flight of stairs.
263
00:11:56,901 --> 00:12:01,901
Stop making it sound
like you threw your body
on a live grenade.
264
00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:05,868
I hurt my back...
is the point,
265
00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:11,100
And I have always
found exercise
to be the answer.
266
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,434
Really?
Well, that's great.
267
00:12:12,434 --> 00:12:15,367
Why don't you jog
out into the kitchen
268
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:18,434
and make me
some hot chocolate?
269
00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:19,934
They just pulled up.
270
00:12:19,934 --> 00:12:22,868
Where do you want
the video game?
On top?
271
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,901
No! Put it
under the bed.
272
00:12:24,901 --> 00:12:26,367
We're going to make him
273
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:27,934
open all the other
presents first,
274
00:12:27,934 --> 00:12:30,434
then when he starts
whining and being bratty
275
00:12:30,434 --> 00:12:32,968
about how he didn't
get the video game,
276
00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:35,400
then we'll give it to him
277
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,868
And then he'll feel
really stupid.
278
00:12:36,868 --> 00:12:40,501
Most parents would just
give him the gift.
279
00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:41,501
Mom! Mom!
280
00:12:41,501 --> 00:12:43,534
Guess what
grandma got me!
281
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:44,534
What?
282
00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:45,734
Super nintendo!
283
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,033
I know it's
a little extravagant,
284
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:51,400
but he seemed to
want it so much,
285
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,334
we stopped off
on the way home.
286
00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:55,367
Dad, help me
hook it up.
287
00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:57,567
Sure.
288
00:12:57,567 --> 00:13:00,334
Don't you want to open
your other presents?
289
00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:01,334
Later.
290
00:13:02,934 --> 00:13:06,601
I guess I'll just
get started on
the birthday cake.
291
00:13:06,601 --> 00:13:10,567
Make sure you put
some extra medicine
in Dan's piece.
292
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,901
This is really great, grandma.
293
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:26,667
Thank you, Becky,
I wanted everything
to be special for D.J.
294
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,234
Can I go now?
295
00:13:28,234 --> 00:13:30,734
No. You're not
playing video games
296
00:13:30,734 --> 00:13:33,133
till you've had
your birthday cake.
297
00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:34,567
[Roseanne]
how's it going in there?
298
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:36,734
Fine, dear.
299
00:13:36,734 --> 00:13:39,434
Is Dan still mad?
300
00:13:39,434 --> 00:13:41,701
No, Rosie.
Everything's good.
301
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:44,033
Is he lying, Jackie?
302
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,701
No, Roseanne.
He's fine.
303
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,334
O.k.
304
00:13:48,334 --> 00:13:53,200
Dan, I'm really sorry
that I didn't check
with you first.
305
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,701
Don't worry
about it, Bev.
306
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:58,000
I can take it
back and get him
something else.
307
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,767
You shouldn't keep
that anger all bottled up.
308
00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:02,200
You'll just get diarrhea.
309
00:14:03,734 --> 00:14:05,834
I said I'm fine, Darlene.
310
00:14:05,834 --> 00:14:08,200
How's the job,
Becky?
311
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,767
Why?
312
00:14:09,767 --> 00:14:12,234
Because I'm
changing the
subject, Becky.
313
00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:16,234
Oh. Well, they moved me
up to the express line.
314
00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:20,100
Really? They must
have a lot of
confidence in you.
315
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:24,000
Yeah. Right.
All I have to do
is count to 10.
316
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,367
Don't wear mittens.
It'll slow you down.
317
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,667
[Roseanne laughs]
318
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:31,601
Mother!
319
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:34,167
Well, it was funny, Becky.
320
00:14:34,167 --> 00:14:36,300
Well, I'm glad
you're all laughing.
321
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,834
I'm the one who's got to
go back there tonight.
322
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,467
You're working
pretty hard
these days.
323
00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:43,667
Well, I'm saving up
to buy a car.
324
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,334
Dad's matching me
dollar for dollar,
325
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,767
So I'm trying
to break the bank.
326
00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,267
What about your
schoolwork?
327
00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:50,767
Oh, I'm doing it.
328
00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:53,000
And your social life
you can't be having any fun?
329
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,400
Well, I guess I don't
see Mark that much.
330
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,767
Nice going, Bev.
You gave away
the plan.
331
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:02,133
It just seems
like such a shame.
332
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:03,701
Can we do the cake now?
333
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,400
Of course,
sweetheart.
334
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:10,000
* Happy birthday
to you *
335
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,000
* Happy birthday
to... **
336
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,501
What happened,
did you forget the words?
337
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,934
He took off.
338
00:15:20,934 --> 00:15:23,300
Oh. Well, I'll have
his piece.
339
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:27,834
You know, Becky,
all these years
340
00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:30,734
I've been driving
your grandfather's
hand-me-downs.
341
00:15:30,734 --> 00:15:34,634
It's time I had
a new car of my own.
342
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,901
But the one I have
is in very good condition.
343
00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:39,334
Weren't you
making coffee?
344
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:40,934
In a minute, dear.
345
00:15:40,934 --> 00:15:43,267
Becky, you don't
have a car,
346
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:45,534
And soon I'll have
one too many.
347
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,167
Bev.
348
00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:50,834
Dan, she's got years
ahead of her where
she'll have to work.
349
00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:52,400
Let her enjoy herself
while she's young.
350
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,534
Shouldn't you use that
car for a trade-in?
351
00:15:56,534 --> 00:15:58,467
It's your father's
money, dear.
352
00:15:58,467 --> 00:16:00,934
It's my pleasure
to spend it.
353
00:16:03,334 --> 00:16:04,334
No.
354
00:16:04,334 --> 00:16:06,601
Why not?
We have
an arrangement.
355
00:16:06,601 --> 00:16:08,567
Dad, I can get
a car for nothing.
356
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,133
You'll get a car
by working for it.
357
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:13,234
Dad, if I have a car,
it'll be easier
to get to work.
358
00:16:13,234 --> 00:16:15,367
Bull. The minute
you get a car,
359
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,067
you'll find
some reason
to stop working.
360
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:20,501
I can't believe
you think that.
That's so unfair.
361
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,567
We had a deal.
362
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:22,868
Grandma's deal
is better.
363
00:16:22,868 --> 00:16:24,300
It's better
to earn something
364
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:26,400
than to have it
handed to you.
365
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,334
Nothing's ever
been handed to me.
366
00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:31,267
Oh, right! Like your
life just stinks!
367
00:16:31,267 --> 00:16:34,300
It would make me happy
to do this, Dan.
368
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:37,868
That's why I had these kids--
just to make you happy.
369
00:16:37,868 --> 00:16:39,901
Aren't you being
a little unreasonable?
370
00:16:39,901 --> 00:16:41,367
I don't think so.
371
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:44,467
At least go up
and talk to her.
372
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:47,334
You do it! You're doing
such a great job
373
00:16:47,334 --> 00:16:49,901
deciding what's right
and wrong for my kids,
374
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,334
they don't need me.
375
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:55,167
[Door slams]
376
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:58,367
[Roseanne]
Hey, I could use a new car.
377
00:17:07,267 --> 00:17:08,267
That's it.
378
00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:09,467
Yep.
379
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:11,868
You didn't have to
come down tonight.
380
00:17:11,868 --> 00:17:13,200
I had some paperwork.
381
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,000
You going to let
Becky have the car?
382
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,367
You know about
that already?
383
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:22,601
She called me after
you left the house.
384
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:25,133
What advice did you
have for her?
385
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:27,434
I asked why she wanted
an old-lady car.
386
00:17:27,434 --> 00:17:29,701
Interesting approach.
387
00:17:30,868 --> 00:17:33,267
They worked it all out
without you.
388
00:17:33,267 --> 00:17:35,467
What did they work out?
389
00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,400
Your wife
gets grandma's car,
390
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,834
and Becky gets
your wife's old car.
391
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:41,400
but Becky keeps working,
392
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,868
and you're still
going to pay half
393
00:17:43,868 --> 00:17:45,834
when she gets
a better car.
394
00:17:45,834 --> 00:17:48,000
They leave me any cake?
395
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,467
[Bev] Dan?
396
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,501
In here.
397
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:00,334
Oh, hello.
398
00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:01,901
Bev,
this is Mark.
399
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:03,834
Mark,
this is Becky's
grandmother.
400
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:04,834
Hey.
401
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,634
Is this
the boyfriend?
402
00:18:06,634 --> 00:18:07,901
It is.
403
00:18:07,901 --> 00:18:10,934
Well, I understand
what Becky sees in you.
404
00:18:10,934 --> 00:18:14,467
You look like that Fonzie fellow
who's so popular these days.
405
00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:20,634
Thanks. Well,
nice meeting you.
406
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,167
See you tomorrow,
Mr. Conner.
407
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,300
[Imitating Fonzie]
aaay.
408
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:25,300
Aaay.
409
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:28,667
Aaay.
410
00:18:28,667 --> 00:18:32,701
You came down here
to get away from me,
and here I am.
411
00:18:32,701 --> 00:18:36,033
I had some work to do.
412
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:39,834
You know, as I was
buying D.J. that gift,
413
00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:43,334
I just knew I was
doing the wrong thing.
414
00:18:43,334 --> 00:18:46,334
But while we were
in the car,
415
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,834
he asked me if grandpa
married this other lady,
416
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:52,534
would she be
his grandma, too?
417
00:18:52,534 --> 00:18:53,834
Ouch.
418
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:55,701
Yeah.
419
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:59,400
So I started to think
that without grandpa Al,
420
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,934
maybe I wouldn't be
as welcome.
421
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,834
He's always been
fun for the kids.
422
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:07,834
All I ever seemed
to say is,
423
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:11,567
"Get your finger
out of your nose."
424
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,901
So I was just going for
a little extra popularity.
425
00:19:14,901 --> 00:19:18,467
Well, you know what?
I guess I was, too.
426
00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:20,367
I mean, it isn't often
427
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,801
that I can afford
to get something nice
for my kids.
428
00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:29,367
I had two shots today
and you aced me out
of both of them.
429
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:31,434
I'm sorry.
430
00:19:31,434 --> 00:19:34,267
I'm sorry I yelled.
431
00:19:34,267 --> 00:19:38,701
That's o.k.
It made me feel
like part of the family.
432
00:19:38,701 --> 00:19:40,868
If it makes you
feel any better,
433
00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:45,334
the kids don't like
grandpa any more
than they like you.
434
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,534
Thank you.
435
00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:50,868
And I've got an idea.
436
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:52,901
Until Roseanne's
back is better,
437
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:55,334
I'll just take care
of my kid,
438
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:57,701
and you can
take care of yours.
439
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:00,834
Deal.
440
00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:06,434
I'm not sure you
ever knew this,
441
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:10,834
but I wasn't
too thrilled when
Roseanne married you.
442
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,133
You wore black
to the wedding.
443
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:16,400
But I have to say,
444
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,634
you've turned out
to be a wonderful
husband and father.
445
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:22,100
And?
446
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:23,767
And what?
447
00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:25,267
What do I get?
448
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,000
What do you mean?
449
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,634
Come on. You gave
Roseanne a car.
450
00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:30,801
Oh, Dan...
451
00:20:30,801 --> 00:20:33,601
No. All I need is a...
452
00:20:33,601 --> 00:20:36,200
A TV...big screen.
453
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,734
and a satellite dish.
454
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,667
[Video game plays]
455
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:50,467
[Dan]
I will fix
the car, Becky.
456
00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:53,801
You always fix it,
and it always
breaks down.
457
00:20:53,801 --> 00:20:55,234
It's temperamental
in cold weather.
458
00:20:55,234 --> 00:20:56,634
What's the point
of having a car
459
00:20:56,634 --> 00:20:58,400
if it won't
get me to work?
460
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,701
Well,
it'll get you close.
461
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:04,367
I ought to take it to
the junkyard and sell it.
462
00:21:04,367 --> 00:21:07,200
It'll never
get you that far.
463
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,767
This stinks.
464
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,133
You'll get a new car
when you earn it.
465
00:21:11,133 --> 00:21:13,200
Until then, this is
better than the bus.
466
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,267
Well, the bus gets
better mileage.
467
00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:18,200
You're not helping.
468
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,200
Becky, you've been
griping to drive that car
469
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,267
ever since you
got your license.
470
00:21:22,267 --> 00:21:23,767
Now it's yours.
471
00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:26,734
You get grandma's car,
and I get your bomb.
472
00:21:26,734 --> 00:21:28,300
What can I say?
473
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,734
My mommy's better
than your mommy.
474
00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:34,033
Great.
475
00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:37,567
How you doing?
476
00:21:37,567 --> 00:21:41,734
Two more swords
and I'm queen
of the monkey people.
477
00:21:46,667 --> 00:21:48,267
I meant your back.
478
00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:49,334
Oh.
479
00:21:49,334 --> 00:21:51,734
Well, I can't do
the laundry,
480
00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:53,100
and I'm not
making dinner.
481
00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:55,167
So why do you ask?
482
00:21:55,167 --> 00:21:57,701
'Cause you've got
a doctor's appointment.
483
00:21:57,701 --> 00:21:59,267
I don't want to go.
484
00:21:59,267 --> 00:22:01,200
He's not going to
hurt you.
485
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,834
Yes, he will.
486
00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:04,133
He'll tell me I'm fine,
487
00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:07,267
And then he'll
tell me I should
do the laundry.
488
00:22:07,267 --> 00:22:09,634
You'll just have
to risk it, dear.
489
00:22:09,634 --> 00:22:11,701
Why are you
making me do this?
490
00:22:11,701 --> 00:22:12,701
Because I love you.
491
00:22:12,701 --> 00:22:14,701
You just want me
to get better.
492
00:22:14,701 --> 00:22:15,968
Keep moving.
493
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,200
[Roseanne]
I want my mommy!
496
00:22:35,801 --> 00:22:38,734
Grandpa Al, it's Darlene.
497
00:22:38,734 --> 00:22:39,801
Yeah, really.
498
00:22:41,767 --> 00:22:44,234
I know I haven't
called you that much,
499
00:22:44,234 --> 00:22:46,667
but, you know,
grandma was here
500
00:22:46,667 --> 00:22:48,667
and she was
talking about you,
501
00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:50,667
So I got to thinking--
502
00:22:50,667 --> 00:22:53,100
What did she say?
503
00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:54,701
Oh. It's not important,
504
00:22:54,701 --> 00:22:57,734
and I didn't believe
any of it anyway.
505
00:22:57,734 --> 00:22:59,167
She's really sucking up.
506
00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:01,167
I mean, Becky got a car,
507
00:23:01,167 --> 00:23:05,300
and D.J. got this really
expensive video game.
508
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:08,200
No, I didn't
get anything.
509
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,567
I don't know...
510
00:23:09,567 --> 00:23:13,734
probably because I stuck up
for you one too many times.
511
00:23:13,734 --> 00:23:16,701
But, hey, what's right
is right.
512
00:23:16,701 --> 00:23:18,701
So...
513
00:23:18,701 --> 00:23:21,200
when are you
coming into town?
34647
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