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1
00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,635
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,237
Want to grab some lunch?
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,239
You know what? I don't think so.
4
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:09,241
Oh, let me guess,
you're not eating
5
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:13,211
because the mean girls circled
your chubby bits in marker?
6
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,313
No. That, that right there.
7
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,816
That's the reason.
You're always making fun of me.
8
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,317
(chuckles) Those are just jokes.
9
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,220
It's my way of saying
that we're friends,
10
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:26,091
and it wouldn't hurt you
to drop a few.
11
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:29,227
15 years of constant ridicule.
12
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:32,064
I-I think our relationship
has become toxic.
13
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,865
What are you saying?
14
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:38,037
I think you and I need to spend
some time away from each other.
15
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,074
Look, I...
16
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,076
I can see you're
upset, but...
17
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:47,279
I'm gonna need
some ground rules.
18
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:51,183
While we're apart, can I see
other needy Indian men?
19
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,151
Get out!
20
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:57,923
Oh, Stuart,
two questions:
21
00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:59,858
Do you have the new Aquaman,
22
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:04,896
and do you mind if I use your
back room to smoke some meat?
23
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:07,299
Well, since it's you asking,
24
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,903
I'm gonna guess
that's not a euphemism.
25
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,238
Why are you smoking meat?
26
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:16,308
And why are you
reading Aquaman?
27
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:19,878
I am trying to make Amy
a historically accurate
28
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:23,281
Little House on the Prairie
dinner for her birthday, and...
29
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:26,651
I want to be able to say I was
reading it before it was cool.
30
00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:29,154
Wow, well, that's
actually really sweet.
31
00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,990
The dinner thing.
The Aquaman thing's dumb.
32
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,325
Eh...
33
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,927
Isn't Halley's birthday
the same as Amy's?
34
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,296
Yeah, but we're not doing
anything big 'cause she's one,
35
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:42,934
Bernadette's on bed rest,
and (clears throat) I'm lazy.
36
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,903
Hey, guys.
37
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,972
Hello.
Hey.
38
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,340
Howard.
39
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:49,908
Raj.
40
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,177
Excuse me.
41
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,179
Really? Is this
still happening?
42
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:57,482
I'm willing to make up,
but someone's being a baby.
43
00:01:57,517 --> 00:02:00,119
Ooh! I do love a riddle.
Oh, let me see.
44
00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:02,821
See, my first guess
would be Halley,
45
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,323
but that'd be strange to
accuse her of being a baby
46
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,958
'cause she is a baby. Um...
47
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:08,160
I suppose it could be Stuart;
48
00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:11,230
his head does have
a certain milky scent.
49
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,500
Although...
50
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:18,937
I-It's me, Sheldon.
He-He's calling me a baby.
51
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,374
No, I don't know. I saw Leonard
put his keys in his mouth today.
52
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:25,644
You're a grown man;
act like it.
53
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:29,381
Big talk coming from a guy
holding an Archie comic book.
54
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,617
Hey, werewolf Jughead
is not your dad's Jughead.
55
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:36,154
Come on, you guys have been
friends forever. Quit fighting.
56
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,489
I have an extra ticket
57
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:38,723
to the opening of
The Last Jedi tonight.
58
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,359
It was gonna be Howard's,
but you can have it.
59
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:44,462
You two had a good run.
60
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:48,033
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
61
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,336
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
62
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,004
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
63
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:55,740
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
64
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:58,210
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
65
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,845
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
66
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,048
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
67
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,616
♪ Bang! ♪
68
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,991
Uh, who wants to go see
Last Jedi again tonight?
69
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,659
Mm, I'm in.
(gasps) Me, too.
70
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:18,396
It'll be nice to see the parts
I missed while I was blinking.
71
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,398
Hey, guys,
there's a change of plans.
72
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,701
We are having a party
for Halley's birthday after all.
73
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:27,205
Turns out Bernadette and "anyone
who's not a heartless monster"
74
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,407
thinks that's
the right thing to do.
75
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:32,244
I don't like kids,
but I do like birthday cake.
76
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:35,413
Oh, wait, will there be
sugary icing flowers on it?
77
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,281
I don't know.
78
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,416
I'll risk it.
79
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:42,054
But if I have a tantrum and have
to leave early, you'll know why.
80
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,258
Here you go. Here you go.
81
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,261
See you two there.
82
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,695
Are you kidding me?
83
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,397
You're not gonna invite me
to Halley's birthday?
84
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:55,300
I'm her godfather;
that means something.
85
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:58,437
Or-- hear me out on this--
it doesn't.
86
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,872
Okay, that's enough.
87
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:04,442
This fight either has to end
or get way more entertaining.
88
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:08,347
Don't worry about it 'cause
I'm done putting up with him!
89
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,620
I know you have a lot
on your mind,
90
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:19,091
but when do you think we'll have
an answer on those cake flowers?
91
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,827
Hey.
92
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,262
Hey. What you reading?
93
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:25,764
Oh, it's your brother's
Christmas letter.
94
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,065
Ugh.
95
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,467
If there's a picture
of his wife and his kids
96
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:32,637
and his dogs and his horses
all in matching pajamas,
97
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,506
I beg you to burn it.
98
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,676
Aw, the people's pajamas
have little horses on them,
99
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,478
and the horses'
have little people.
100
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:43,748
It's just his chance to brag
about how great his life is.
101
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,849
Oh, come on, it's nice.
102
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,418
You know that nonprofit
he works with?
103
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,486
They built a hospital
in Rwanda.
104
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:52,090
(mocking): Look at me.
I built a hospital in Rwanda.
105
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,360
That is a good point.
I hadn't thought of it that way.
106
00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:57,529
Hello.
BOTH: Hey.
107
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:01,099
So this is for Amy's birthday.
Can I leave it here?
108
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,500
Sure. What is it?
109
00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,002
A butter churn.
110
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,204
Aw, that's what I got her.
111
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:10,875
It's for her surprise
frontier birthday dinner.
112
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,210
I am making
113
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,679
hardtack, boiled salt pork,
114
00:05:14,714 --> 00:05:19,551
and because it's a special day,
a chewable gob of tree sap.
115
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,786
Is that good?
116
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,955
Uh, compared to other foods, no.
117
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:28,493
Compared to other parts
of a tree? Eh.
118
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:32,397
And then after dinner,
we will have birthday coitus.
119
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:36,234
Do you think that will also
be historically accurate?
120
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,570
I assume like
the rest of frontier life,
121
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,539
it'll be exhausting and short.
122
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,408
You're exhausting and short.
123
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:53,385
Hey, Stuart, you're coming
to Halley's party, right?
124
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,486
You bet.
125
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,554
Plus, I live there
and I was invited,
126
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:59,591
so it's already better
than my tenth birthday party.
127
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,360
Great. Can you
bring a few things?
128
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:03,261
Sure. What do you need?
129
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,529
Balloons, streamers,
130
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,030
ice, snacks, a bounce house,
face painter,
131
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,400
and a couple kids whose parents
are willing to lie and say
132
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,436
they know me from the Daddy
and Me class I've never been to.
133
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,172
Where do you and Halley
go every week?
134
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,241
The important thing
is we're together,
135
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:20,011
and if the movie gets
too violent, I cover her eyes.
136
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,014
Don't stress about this party.
137
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,516
She's one; she's not
gonna remember.
138
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,319
The other day I showed her
her toe, and she was shocked.
139
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,556
It's not for the baby;
it's for Bernadette.
140
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:32,857
She's feeling guilty
141
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,427
about all the stuff she's
missing with Halley.
142
00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:36,761
All right.
143
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,563
Uncle Stuart's got your back.
144
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,698
Ain't no party
like a Stuart party
145
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:44,436
because Stuart's never
invited to parties.
146
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,576
Did the electricity go out?
147
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:53,912
I don't know what you mean
by "electricity," ma'am.
148
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:58,583
I am just a farmer boy living in
a little house on the prairie.
149
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,887
(excited screaming)
150
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,290
I'm glad you're happy.
151
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,659
I wanted to do something special
for your birthday.
152
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,596
Oh, you did, you did!
It's perfect!
153
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,631
You do know that my birthday's
tomorrow, right?
154
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:16,801
This is just step one
of your birthday weekend.
155
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:21,239
Now, would you care to join me
for an authentic frontier dinner
156
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,740
made entirely from scratch?
157
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,677
I can't believe you
did this. It's amazing!
158
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,512
Oh, it's not a big deal.
159
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:31,683
Just to be clear,
it was a big deal.
160
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,252
I was being modest.
You got that, right?
161
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,487
Loud and clear.
162
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:36,621
Well, I hope
you're hungry.
163
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,022
Oh, I'm starving.
164
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:41,059
Oh, good. Starvation is
authentic to the time period.
165
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:44,529
If you also have malaria
166
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,331
and a deep distrust
of Native Americans,
167
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,999
we're really cooking
with a woodstove.
168
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:50,535
Is that butter?
169
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:51,669
Yes.
170
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:53,271
But don't blow it all
on one biscuit.
171
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,539
Took me nine hours to make that.
172
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,309
I think I got churner's elbow.
173
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,879
I know we only have coitus
on my birthday,
174
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,648
but I don't know if I can wait
until midnight.
175
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,851
Oh, well, you'll be
glad you did.
176
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,620
Everyone knows the best foreplay
177
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,189
is rigid adherence
to a strict schedule.
178
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,861
Hey. What are you doing?
179
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,297
Oh, I've decided to write
my own Christmas letter.
180
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,732
So I'm gonna make a list
181
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,567
of all the cool things
we did this year.
182
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,702
Oh, fun. Can I help?
183
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:28,706
Yes. Can you think of a single
cool thing we did this year?
184
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:32,310
Uh, well, both of our jobs
are going great.
185
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,747
Sure. I mean, my Air Force
project got taken away,
186
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:39,317
and you're not crazy about
selling pharmaceuticals.
187
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:43,421
I'll just write down
"still employed."
188
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,924
Oh, we had our
second anniversary.
189
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,325
Uh, yeah,
190
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,227
but we did kind of
forget about it,
191
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,230
so maybe just write
"still married."
192
00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:56,534
Great. Okay.
193
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:57,602
Okay, that's a start.
194
00:08:57,637 --> 00:09:00,572
What else?
195
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:07,145
You know, maybe this is enough.
196
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:11,650
Let's look at our pictures;
that-that'll jog our memories.
197
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,119
What is that
a picture of?
198
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,656
Oh, uh, that's
a mole on my back.
199
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,793
I wanted to make sure
it wasn't growing.
200
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,462
How'd you get a picture
of your own back?
201
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,566
Sheldon took it.
We're kind of mole buddies.
202
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:30,802
Hey, that's
a cute picture.
203
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,971
Isn't that the day
we almost went to the beach?
204
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,305
Memorial Day?
205
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,608
No, that was the day we almost
went to the mountains.
206
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:37,875
Oh.
207
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:38,876
That's the great thing
about California;
208
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,044
you can almost go
to the mountains
209
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,080
and almost go to the
beach in the same day.
210
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,615
Yeah.
211
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,518
(knock on door)
212
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:52,156
Look, I'm sorry about
not inviting you
213
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:54,392
to Halley's birthday.
That wasn't cool.
214
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,761
And of course we would
love to have you. Here.
215
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,263
Thank you.
216
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,798
I'd really like to be there.
217
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:04,502
Great, 'cause it's tomorrow,
and I need you to plan it.
218
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:07,505
What?
219
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,940
Stuart was gonna help,
220
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:11,509
but the free clinic had
an open spot for a colonoscopy,
221
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,111
and he jumped on it.
222
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:17,649
So-so-so you're just apologizing
because you need something?
223
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:21,686
Yes, and I think it's pretty
mature of me to admit it.
224
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,821
Well, that's very insulting.
225
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:26,791
Right again.
Are you gonna help me or not?
226
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,860
No, I will not help you.
227
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,695
(sighs)
228
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:33,631
But I will help Halley.
229
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,300
She's my goddaughter,
and I love her.
230
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:37,869
And I have a lot of party favors
231
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:41,873
left over from
Cinnamon's birthday, so...
232
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:45,343
I hope she likes things that
squeak when you chew on them.
233
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,546
Sh-She's a human being,
not an animal.
234
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:51,483
But that actually
would be a hit.
235
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,820
Can I get you
anything else?
236
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:57,655
No, thanks.
237
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,023
I think I'm good.
238
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:01,859
You sure? There's
still plenty of pork fat.
239
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,661
Although, if we don't eat it,
240
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:06,464
I suppose we could
turn it into soap.
241
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,700
That might taste better.
242
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,706
I think I'm just gonna go over
here and sit on the couch.
243
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:15,673
Oh, great.
244
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,142
Then we will move on
to stage two:
245
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,512
the pitching of woo.
246
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,214
Ooh.
247
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:29,487
Should I read you some bawdy
19th century limericks?
248
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,756
(chuckles):
Okay.
249
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:32,857
Oh, here.
250
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,859
"There once was a priest
from Terre Haute
251
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:38,863
who purchased a
sheep and a goat..."
252
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,932
Hold on a second.
253
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,734
Is it getting hot in here?
254
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:45,703
Well, I didn't even get
to the dirty part yet.
255
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:48,005
No, I-I'm serious.
256
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,742
Do you think there was
something wrong with that food?
257
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:54,746
Frontier scallops?
I shouldn't think so.
258
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,515
My stomach's feeling
a little weird.
259
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,784
Yeah. Uh, mine, too.
260
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:03,788
I'm sure it's just the first
sharp cramps of arousal.
261
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:13,030
No. Th-This doesn't feel right.
262
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,434
Hey, hey, save that sexy talk
for the bedroom.
263
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,904
You know, if you'll excuse me,
264
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:23,641
I am just going
to go freshen up.
265
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,112
(vomits loudly)
266
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,547
Sheldon?
267
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,815
I'll be out in a minute.
268
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,751
(retches)
I don't have a minute!
269
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,587
(vomits)
270
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,426
I can't believe you pulled
this all together overnight.
271
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:46,564
Uh, if I had more time, I could
have gotten the Blue Man Group.
272
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,432
One of them goes
to my dry cleaner.
273
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,968
Who, by the way, hates him.
274
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:52,937
You really saved the day.
275
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:55,139
Well, it's not for you.
It's for Halley.
276
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,808
And I'm sure
277
00:12:56,843 --> 00:13:00,845
she'd appreciate it, if she knew
what's going on or who you are.
278
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,954
(weakly):
Morning.
279
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,789
Happy birthday.
280
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:13,892
(weakly):
Yeah, sure.
281
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:18,296
Did you sleep at all?
282
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,432
No. You?
283
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,968
I passed out on the toilet once.
284
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:27,104
I don't know if that counts.
285
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,806
Feel any better?
286
00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:30,809
I feel terrible.
287
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,179
Well...
288
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,115
should we make love now?
289
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,519
How can you even think
about sex?
290
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:45,223
Hey, I'm a man; I have
annual needs just like anyone.
291
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,491
And besides,
292
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,928
it's our birthday tradition.
293
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,397
You think you can do it
294
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:56,901
while I lie perfectly still
and you don't touch me?
295
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,905
I can try.
296
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:04,108
(exhales)
297
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,947
Want to do it again?
298
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,084
Morning.
299
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,052
Morning.
300
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,355
"Kept Fern alive"?
Who's Fern?
301
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:22,093
No, the fern.
The one in the bathroom.
302
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:26,063
We're really calling
that brown thing alive? Okay.
303
00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:29,166
So, how long have you
been working on this?
304
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,835
Oh, couple hours.
305
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:34,338
I took a break to try to beat
my high score on Mario Kart.
306
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,873
Well, did you do it?
307
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,376
Do you see it on the board?
308
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,877
Okay, this is silly.
309
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,579
Our lives are great.
310
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:42,880
I think so, too.
311
00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,016
So then why is this
bugging you so much?
312
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,452
I guess it feels like
everyone's moving forward
313
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:49,887
and we're stuck.
314
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,088
What do you mean?
315
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,257
Well, we've been
married two years.
316
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,092
Should we think
about what's next?
317
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:57,929
Like buying a house
or having a baby?
318
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,363
Look, I want to do
all those things someday,
319
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,732
but there's a bunch of stuff
I want to do first.
320
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:02,934
Okay, like what?
321
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:06,470
I don't know,
stay thin and have money.
322
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:08,272
No, no, I-I'm serious.
323
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:11,142
If there's things we want to do,
let's start doing them.
324
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:14,578
Okay. Well, we've never been
on a big trip together.
325
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,080
I would love that.
326
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,548
Okay, there's something
for your letter:
327
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,018
"Considered going on a trip."
328
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,920
It's just a day trip,
329
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:25,723
but we could take the
ferry out to Catalina.
330
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,158
Great, let's do it.
331
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:30,028
Amy's in the bathroom
and I need to...! (retches)
332
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,730
(door slams)
333
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,933
(vomiting loudly)
334
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:38,202
It's like I can hear
the ocean already.
335
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,941
Okay. Thanks for
letting me know.
336
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,609
Hey, what's going on?
337
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:48,179
Bernadette's sister's kids
are sick and they're not coming.
338
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:53,184
But they're the whole reason
the cupcakes are vegan!
339
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,519
BERNADETTE:
How's the party coming?
Good!
340
00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,356
Great! Our friends
should be here any second!
341
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:01,525
Those are the only
other people you invited?
342
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,328
What about the kids
from the Daddy and Me class?
343
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:05,396
Oh, grow up.
344
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,434
Uh-oh.
345
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:11,769
What?
346
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,804
I left the food out.
347
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:16,407
You afraid it's gonna go good?
348
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,213
How are you feeling?
349
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:26,183
Ugh. My stomach aches,
I got the chills,
350
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,552
my mouth tastes weird,
351
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:29,987
it hurts to swallow,
352
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:32,156
and I've got
a little double vision.
353
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,791
Yeah.
354
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,559
I'm feeling better, too.
355
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,929
(groans softly)
356
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,803
Well, this party's
a disaster.
357
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:46,871
Don't blame the party!
358
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:49,206
You know how many favors
I had to call in
359
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:52,877
with my bounce house guy
to get Wonder Woman?
360
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:56,580
Is that
Wonder Woman?
361
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,649
Technically,
it's a Chinese knockoff called
362
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,385
Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady.
363
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,088
Then I take it back;
it's a great party.
364
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,524
Well, you can sit here
and sulk if you want.
365
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,859
I'm gonna go celebrate
Halley's first birthday.
366
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:11,695
Which I planned
with no help from you.
367
00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:13,097
What are you doing?
368
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:17,168
It's a bounce house!
I'm gonna go bounce in it!
369
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,869
You're supposed
to take your shoes off
370
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,138
before you go in there!
371
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,175
You know what?
372
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,244
I'm stressed about
my daughter's birthday party.
373
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,847
I don't need your attitude.
374
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,282
Well, I worked
really hard on this,
375
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:33,084
and you haven't even
said thank you.
376
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,452
Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you.
377
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,719
Thank you for blaming me
378
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,254
for everything
that's wrong in your life!
379
00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:39,924
Thank you for walking out
on our friendship!
380
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,292
You are welcome!
381
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:44,295
And thank you for mocking me
for all of these years!
382
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:47,565
Thank you for making it so easy!
383
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,900
Why are you being such a jerk?
384
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:54,138
Because you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!
385
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:57,108
Well, you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!
386
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,145
I can't believe you shoved me!
387
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,316
Well, I can't believe
you shoved me!
388
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,151
But it was kind of fun,
wasn't it?!
389
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,520
It was! Do it again!
Gladly!
390
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,357
Okay, now at the same time!
391
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:16,494
Oh, oh, that was awesome!
392
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:19,897
Yeah, okay, this time,
knees, then feet.
393
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,967
One, two, three.
394
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:25,536
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Again! Again!
395
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:30,341
Hello.
396
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:31,742
Hi.
You made it.
397
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,410
How you two feeling?
398
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,411
Oh, a little better.
399
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,679
Those books should
have been called
400
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,381
Little Outhouseon the Prairie.
401
00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:40,784
BERNADETTE: Halley's awake
and ready for her party!
402
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:41,852
Be right up!
403
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,487
Ooh, I want to see
the birthday girl.
404
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,022
I'd love to see her.
405
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:48,459
BERNADETTE: Walk slow it takes a
while to get this bra back on.
406
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,197
You know...
407
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,032
it's still your birthday.
408
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,300
(chuckles) It is.
409
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:57,935
And...
410
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,172
we are both...
feeling better.
411
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,308
We are.
412
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:06,510
And there's no one
in that bounce house.
413
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,012
(whispers):
No.
414
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,948
Great.
415
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,216
Let's go jump for a bit,
416
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,218
and then find a bedroom
to have coitus in.
30635
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