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1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:08,007
[tv blaring]
so you want to do
something tonight?
2
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,743
We're spending
the day together.
That's enough.
3
00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,347
How about
this weekend?
4
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,850
I don't know.
I'll let you know
tomorrow.
5
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,953
Darlene,
we have to talk.
6
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,490
Ever since we started
going out, it's like...
7
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,826
You have all the power
in this relationship,
and I have nothing.
8
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:32,731
Yeah?
9
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,136
Okay.
10
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,438
I need a soda.
Oh, there's only
1 left.
11
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,574
Do you want ice?
[knock at door]
12
00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:49,114
Hi, I'm Molly Tilden.
My family just
moved in next door.
13
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:52,284
And you're telling
me this because...
14
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,088
My dad said the owner
gave you guys the keys.
15
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:58,891
Oh, yeah. They're
in the kitchen.
Come on in.
16
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:00,893
I'm Darlene.
17
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,895
That's David.
18
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:05,531
Every house
should have one.
19
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,533
Hi, I'm Molly.
20
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,635
My dad got transferred here
from Iowa. We're renting
the house next door.
21
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,770
Oh, well, the Conners
are a pretty cool family.
22
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,772
I'm not one of them,
but, uh...
23
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,942
Oh, hold on a minute.
Your tag is out.
24
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,977
Thanks.
25
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,246
Here's your key.
26
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:24,283
Thanks. Okay, it was
nice meeting you guys.
I'll see you around.
27
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:27,019
I'll see you at school.
28
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:31,357
[door shuts]
she seemed nice.
29
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:40,032
[exhales]
30
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,035
Oh, hey,
hold on a minute.
31
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,406
Your tag's out.
32
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,211
[theme]
33
00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,845
[Roseanne laughing]
34
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:09,021
Hey.
Hi.
35
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,891
So, did fisherman
dump you yet?
36
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:16,695
No, but thanks
for asking.
37
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:20,699
Well, I was just checking,
because Dan me our new
next-door neighbor,
38
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,769
And it turns out
that he's, like,
a single dad.
39
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,405
So?
So I was thinking,
you know,
40
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,407
New guy in town,
and he's single,
41
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,744
He don't know
nothing about you.
42
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:34,279
Total sitting duck.
43
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,415
And here I was
44
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,717
Nice enough to
bring you lunch.
45
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:40,652
From where?
46
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,655
Nowhere.
Just a little
sandwich shop I know.
47
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,658
Is it that loose-meat
thing from iowa?
Yeah.
48
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,994
No!
Now, Roseanne,
look.
49
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,731
I know it's a risk,
but mom gave us
both $10,000,
50
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,967
And I really think
this business could
take off.
51
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,969
Yeah, or go
right down the tubes.
52
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,938
I mean,
poverty is grand,
but we've done that.
53
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:03,208
Come on.
Just taste it.
What are you afraid of?
54
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:05,878
That you're gonna love it
and you're gonna want to
do this with me.
55
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,047
No, I just don't want to
eat anything that's been
[door shuts]
56
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:11,183
Fermenting on your
dashboard in your
stinky truck for 5 hours.
57
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,253
I'm starving.
Please feed me.
58
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,660
Thank you, jeannie.
59
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:25,931
Oh, that's terrific!
What is that?
60
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:29,635
Oh, just from a great
little restaurant
I know in iowa.
61
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:32,204
Yeah? Could you go back
and get me some fries?
62
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,207
Okay, my birthday's
on Friday,
63
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,710
I'm turning 16,
I'm getting my license.
64
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,778
Can I have a car?
No.
65
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:43,148
Eh, it was
worth a shot.
Way to commit, Darlene.
66
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,451
Well, how about getting
Becky's car running again?
67
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,619
It's just been sitting
in the driveway for months.
68
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:51,357
I don't know.
We'd have to kick
those gypsies out.
69
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:54,560
Car's shot, Darlene.
Well, you could fix it.
70
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:58,130
Yeah, Dan, you could use
those hours that you waste
between midnight and 6
71
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:01,200
Just laying there
in the bed unconscious.
72
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,502
I'll take a shot,
but I don't think
it'll work.
73
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:08,640
So any more dreams
we can crush for you,
Darlene?
74
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:12,311
No, that'll
just about do it.
75
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,346
Happy birthday,
though.
76
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:17,216
Man, her sweet 16.
Amazing.
77
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:20,052
You know, you really
ought to do something
special for her.
78
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,321
You mean passing
her big head
79
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,391
Through my loins
wasn't enough?
80
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,581
What?
Nothing.
81
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,950
I know something
you don't know
82
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,952
What?
Nothing.
83
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,355
Then get out.
Okay,
84
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:59,358
But it's really good.
85
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:02,127
What?
Nothing.
86
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,730
Okay, that's it.
Let me go!
87
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,433
Don't make me shave
your eyebrows again.
88
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:11,103
Mom's giving you
a sweet 16
birthday party, okay?
89
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,372
Oh, my god!
90
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,144
Is she planning
a surprise party
for me?
91
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:23,349
Who?
My psycho freak
of a mother.
92
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:27,052
Is she planning to throw me
some sort of white-trash
debutante ball?
93
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,258
Don't be silly.
A party for you?
Please.
94
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:36,128
Drop it.
Rat boy already talked.
95
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,132
Hair up
would be nice.
96
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:44,503
There's no way in hell
I'm going through with that.
Cancel the clown.
97
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,639
Whoa, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it,
hold it. Look,
98
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:51,744
I know how wrong it is for
someone like you who is so
in touch with the dark forces
99
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:54,279
To have a sweet 16.
100
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,515
Thank you.
But it's a party.
Come on.
101
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,284
Some cake, ice cream,
presents, a few friends...
102
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,121
You invited my friends?
103
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,857
Yeah, she seemed like
a very sweet girl.
104
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,362
My life sucks enough
without this extra
humiliation.
105
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:14,099
In case you haven't noticed,
things haven't been exactly
great for anyone around here.
106
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,569
This stupid party means
a lot to your mom.
Why?
107
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,705
I don't know.
Maybe it gives her something
to look forward to.
108
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,775
Maybe she doesn't know how to
tell you she loves you anymore.
You scare the hell out of us.
109
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:25,377
Yeah, likewise.
110
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,747
Please, I'd consider it
a personal favor.
I'd owe you big-time.
111
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,183
How big?
Real big.
112
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,585
Like, "d.J.
Needs a new lung,
113
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:36,088
But Darlene's leather
jacket comes first"?
114
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:41,260
Okay, jacket
before lung.
115
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:44,430
I can't believe I'm
going through with this.
116
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:47,766
Well, maybe I'll get lucky
and choke on my free meal
at lenny's.
117
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,835
Denny's.
118
00:07:56,710 --> 00:08:00,212
Jackie, would you hurry up?
I got to wash that
tablecloth for the party.
119
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,716
Just doing my whites.
I'll save the rest
for later.
120
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:08,220
16! It's hard to believe
how fast they grow up.
121
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,290
Yeah. Boy, it seems
like just yesterday
122
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:14,493
I was teaching her
how to hold her
little pinky flat
123
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:17,029
When she flipped
people off.
124
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,633
Remember when
we were 16 and we said
we wanted to die
125
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:25,037
Before we were 40
and we got all
old and gross?
126
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,107
Yeah, I'd totally
forgotten about that.
127
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,510
And here...
Here you are,
turning 40.
128
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,114
Isn't that a riot?
129
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,684
Yeah.
130
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,353
[knock at door]
131
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,589
Hey.
Hey.
132
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:46,959
Is the coast clear?
Yeah, yeah, come in.
Did you get the camera?
133
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,194
Yep.
Oh, good. Okay.
134
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,197
Uh, my mom was
a little funny about
me taking it,
135
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,433
But as long as
you're careful
with it...
136
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:58,404
Well, it's not like
I haven't had a hundred
cameras or anything.
137
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:01,874
[doorbell rings]
Jackie, would you
get that?
138
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,310
So, how do you
get the film in?
139
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,313
I'll load it.
I'll load it.
140
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,083
Roseanne, these girls
just moved into the
buman house next door.
141
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:14,053
Hi, I'm molly.
This is my older
sister, charlotte.
142
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:18,023
Hi, I'm Roseanne.
This is my older
sister, Jackie.
143
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:21,293
Charlotte made us
some cookies.
144
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,930
"us"? Since when
do you live here?
Give me them.
145
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,833
They're really
nothing special.
[Jackie] no, charlotte.
146
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,870
That was so nice of you.
You know, Roseanne, that plate
looks just like yours.
147
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,139
Well, we found
a whole set
in the dishwasher.
148
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,775
Oh, yeah.
149
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:40,245
I must've forgotten
to take that last
load out.
150
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,415
You guys moved in
so damn fast.
151
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,254
It's ready.
Okay, great.
152
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,857
David these are
our new neighbors.
This is molly,
153
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,660
And that's charlotte
edging her way out
the door over there.
154
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,962
Hey, David.
You're here a lot.
155
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,966
Yeah, you too.
You guys know
each other?
156
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,869
Yeah, we met before.
157
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,105
Tag's in.
158
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,307
Yeah.
159
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:13,178
Darlene!
Get down here now!
160
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,081
Darlene's here?
Is it okay if I
go up and get her?
161
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,284
You have met Darlene,
haven't you?
162
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,553
Yeah.
She seemed nice.
163
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,156
Okay.
Well, yeah.
164
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,525
Go on up.
It's second door
on the right.
165
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:30,062
And if I don't get
to see you again,
thanks for the cookies.
166
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:35,034
See you tonight.
Nice meeting you.
Yeah.
167
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,812
So, charlotte...
168
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:54,053
Okay, charlotte,
that's enough
about you.
169
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,155
Come on over here,
170
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:59,124
Stop that yakking
and help us out
with these cookies.
171
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:04,129
Hello?
Darlene?
172
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,767
Hey. Your mom's
calling you.
173
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,070
Who's talking,
please?
174
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:14,139
It's me, molly.
175
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,909
Oh, right.
The tag patrol.
176
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:20,212
You always barge into
strange people's bathrooms
without knocking?
177
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,415
I'm sorry. I didn't
think it'd be a big deal.
I wanted you to meet my sister.
178
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,884
Oh, bring her up.
Bring the whole
family up.
179
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,920
Got a dog?
180
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,656
Hey, it's okay.
You can just
meet her later.
181
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:34,026
I'll just hang here
and keep you company.
182
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,028
So what are
you doing?
183
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,097
Interpretive dance.
184
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:42,768
No, seriously.
I'm dyeing my hair black.
185
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,870
Really? Why?
186
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:48,107
Well, my mom's throwing me
this really stupid party,
and I want to tick her off.
187
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:51,443
Hey, you know,
when I want to make
my dad really mad,
188
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,445
I wear my bright
red lipstick.
189
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:56,281
Oh, you rebel!
190
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,350
You know,
191
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:00,386
Maybe I should
dye my hair.
192
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,322
This one time,
I thought about doing
something really drastic.
193
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,058
I almost cut
all my hair off like
Demi Moore in Ghost.
194
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,194
You know what's
funny here, Molly?
195
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,398
You keep talking
to me like
I'm listening.
196
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,200
Okay, I can
take a hint.
197
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,671
You know, you come off
real sarcastic and all,
198
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,440
But I got a feeling
we're gonna become
really good friends.
199
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,509
Bye.
200
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,246
Happy birthday, Darlene.
201
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:36,388
Stop pretending
there's no party, David.
I knew about it 2 days ago.
202
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,658
Darlene, there is no party.
Now, come on.
We're gonna be late.
203
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,729
Oh, man.
The power must've
gone out.
204
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:47,099
You sicken me.
205
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,501
Okay, look.
So they're throwing you
a stupid party.
206
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:51,837
Come on.
We'll just go in
and laugh at it.
207
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,473
All right.
Open the door
and shove me hard.
208
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,480
[all]
surprise!
209
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:05,417
it is the night
we've waited for
210
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,687
because you're
not a baby
211
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,689
anymore
212
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:15,127
you've turned into
the prettiest girl
we've ever seen
213
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:19,598
happy birthday,
sweet 16
214
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,670
Oh, now, you didn't
think we'd let your
16th birthday go by
215
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:28,440
Without a proper conner
celebration, did you?
216
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,777
Oh, your hair.
217
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,779
I love your hair!
218
00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:36,582
Oh, doesn't
the princess
look grown up?
219
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,818
Oh, look at her.
She's got a bosom.
220
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,787
Get in with
the birthday girl.
221
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,925
Come on, get together,
get together!
222
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,428
Make sure you
get the button.
Yeah, and make it fast,
223
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:54,033
Because the quicker
we're done here, the faster
we get to the dance contest!
224
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,335
Okay, 1, 2, 3, cheese!
225
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,604
Cheese!
226
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,606
Okay, now, just one
of the birthday girl.
227
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:04,576
Okay, Darlene, here,
think fast.
[flashbulb pops]
228
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,945
What are these for?
Well, it's amazing.
229
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:10,315
Becky's car seems to
be running fine now.
And here.
230
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,819
I think this ought to be enough
to buy you and your fellow
creatures dinner and a movie.
231
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,721
They're waiting for you
at the pizza king.
232
00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:19,024
Surprise!
We want you to leave!
233
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,997
Yes! That's just what
I always wanted!
234
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:28,100
Well, I know my kid.
235
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,836
So wait. You mean
this whole party thing
was just a big joke?
236
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:34,840
You put me through hell!
Well, that was
kind of for us.
237
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:38,477
Maybe she just doesn't
know how to tell you
she loves you anymore.
238
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,512
Sucker!
239
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,315
So, you're not
gone yet?
Leaving.
240
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,584
Oh, Darlene?
Yeah.
241
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,988
I hate your hair.
242
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,858
Thanks, mommy!
243
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,568
At my sweet 16,
my mother made us
wear white gloves
244
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,937
And eat these
teeny sandwiches.
245
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,639
Ew!
It was so
nauseating!
246
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:11,443
Mine was great. Me and my
friends waited for hours in
the rain to see three dog night.
247
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,015
Oh, I remember mine.
248
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,084
Me and Dan went and got
really drunk and had sex.
249
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,788
All right.
That sounds like
a great birthday!
250
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:25,657
If I'd have known then
how many years I had
ahead of me
251
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,694
To get drunk
and have sex with Dan,
I would've had the party.
252
00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:32,498
Remember how exciting
it was when we were 16
253
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:35,167
And we had to sneak around
to be with our boyfriends--
remember that?
254
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,403
Yeah, sometimes when
me and Dan are having sex,
255
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,206
I'll call my mom up
and tell her I'm
over at debbie's.
256
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:45,844
Sex was so great then.
It just doesn't have that
kind of passion anymore.
257
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:49,114
Oh, come on. You and Arnie
were all over each other.
Yeah.
258
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,051
Yeah, we had
mind-shattering
orgasms,
259
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,853
But it was kind of
lacking romance.
260
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,356
You had orgasms?
261
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:04,697
Yeah, but I was looking
for poetry and flowers.
262
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:09,468
Instead I got limericks
and edible panties.
263
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:12,404
The weird thing is,
after you've been with
your husband for a while,
264
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,973
Your priorities change,
you know what I mean?
265
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:18,344
Sex and romance--
eh, they're not what
they used to be.
266
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,546
More punch?
You know I am.
267
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:27,119
Yeah, I used to love it
when Dan could go
all night, you know.
268
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:31,123
Now I really love it
when he just sleeps.
269
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,926
I got stuff to do.
270
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,061
We sound like a bunch
of old, married women.
271
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:39,465
This is supposed to be
a party. I think we
should play a game.
272
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,067
Oh, you're right.
This is a sweet 16 party.
273
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,370
How about we play
truth or dare?
274
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,372
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
275
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,575
Who's gonna be first?
Me! Me!
Ask me first.
276
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,211
Okay.
Truth or dare?
277
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,812
I'll take truth.
278
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,682
When was the last time
you were felt up
at the movies?
279
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,951
Oh, that's a good one.
It was last night.
280
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,353
Oh, come on!
281
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,456
Oh, no!
You went to the movies
by yourself last night.
282
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,092
I did not!
I did not!
283
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,161
I went with fisher.
284
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,864
Oh.
Okay, you're through.
You're boring me.
285
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:14,500
Okay, my turn.
Okay, I'll take this one.
286
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,535
I'll take this one.
Truth or dare.
287
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,570
Uh, truth.
Okay.
288
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,040
Wouldn't you
really like
289
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,642
To be partners
with me and Nancy
in our new restaurant?
290
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,011
You and Nancy?
291
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,981
Yeah, I'm going in
on the business too.
Isn't that wild?
292
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,983
You guys are gonna
do it without me?
293
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,085
You said you didn't
want to do it.
294
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,254
No, I didn't.
295
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,456
I said
I couldn't do it.
296
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,793
What's the difference?
There's a huge
difference, Jackie.
297
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,595
"i don't want to do it"
means you can go ahead
and do it yourself,
298
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:47,032
But "i can't do it"
means you can't
do it either.
299
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,202
So you are interested.
300
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,973
Truth?
I'm taking dare.
301
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:58,243
No, no, she said truth!
Double dare, double dare,
double dare, double dare!
302
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,280
Okay. Double dare. Okay.
I double dare you
303
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:04,216
To, um, go out
to the mud porch,
304
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,119
Take off your shirt,
run screaming through
the backyard
305
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:10,022
Into the garage,
and flash Dan.
[women hooting]
306
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:16,061
Oh, flash my husband
of 19 years--
it's so risque.
307
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:19,031
You got to do it,
Roseanne.
I know! I'm gonna do it!
308
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,567
Jeez, shut up!
309
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:25,170
Next thing, you're gonna
dare me to have 3 kids.
Keep moving. Come on.
310
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:29,441
I know.
Why don't you dare me
to make a meat loaf. Ooh!
311
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,944
Come on.
I'm going.
Okay.
312
00:18:32,012 --> 00:18:35,247
So damn stupid,
I can't believe it.
313
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,383
Oh, and no bra.
314
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,586
It's cold out here!
Double dare.
315
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:44,189
I'm gonna
beat you up later.
Looking forward to it.
316
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,625
[Roseanne yelling]
317
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:50,129
She's catching speed!
Look at her!
Good form!
318
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,965
Hey, let's
lock her out.
319
00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:55,200
Let's turn on
the sprinklers.
Wait. Here she comes.
320
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:58,337
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god, oh, my god.
What's wrong?
321
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:02,107
[excited chattering
322
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,209
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
What?
323
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,547
Rosie?
324
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:11,316
I'd like you to
meet our new neighbor,
Ty tilden.
325
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,457
Ty, this is
my wife, Roseanne.
326
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,062
Well, you sure know
how to make a guy
327
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,297
Feel welcome.
328
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:33,339
[Dan laughing]
329
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,710
It's not
that funny.
Yes, it was!
330
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,812
It was a classic!
331
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,051
You're supposed to
say something to
make me feel better.
332
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,621
Okay. Well, I don't think
Ty got hit with anything.
333
00:19:50,824 --> 00:19:53,492
No, but you did.
334
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,362
All right. I'll never
mention it again.
335
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,430
Good.
336
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,543
Hey, Dan?
Happy birthday.
337
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,249
Huh?
Well,
338
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:21,153
You know this idea
that Jackie's got about
this loose-meat sandwich place?
339
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,188
It's really stupid,
isn't it?
340
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:26,058
I don't know.
It's sure a tough time
to open a business.
341
00:20:26,126 --> 00:20:28,060
Yeah.
342
00:20:28,128 --> 00:20:31,030
Yeah, you're right.
It is really stupid.
343
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,365
Okay.
Good night.
344
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,169
'course, it would be
kind of cool to have
something of my own.
345
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,171
You know, I've
never had that.
346
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,607
What are you talking about?
Everything that's mine
is yours.
347
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,076
Yeah, well,
your stuff's no good.
348
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,614
Oh, just forget
I even brought it up.
349
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:51,083
Okay?
Good night.
Night.
350
00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:57,189
Well, it's not
that crazy.
You know.
351
00:20:57,257 --> 00:21:01,226
Are you kidding?
After what we went through
with the bike shop?
352
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:03,228
Yeah, but like
Jackie says,
you know,
353
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,731
This place,
it's got, like, a line
around the block,
354
00:21:05,799 --> 00:21:07,966
And you loved
the sandwich,
355
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,103
So I'm just thinking, when
are we ever gonna get another
chunk of money like this?
356
00:21:11,171 --> 00:21:13,872
And I just think,
you know,
we spend it,
357
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:17,676
And we have nothing
to show for it except for
some stack of paid bills.
358
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:21,380
We could learn to live
with that, Roseanne.
359
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,149
Yeah.
360
00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:28,087
Listen to me.
I sound just
like Jackie.
361
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:31,457
Okay, I'm not
bringing it up again.
Good night.
362
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:39,365
Well, you're right
about the money from bev.
It's only gonna last so long.
363
00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:41,633
Well, yeah, but we
can make it stretch.
364
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,336
Yeah, for 7 of 8 months,
and we're right back
where we were before,
365
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:46,338
Living week to week.
366
00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:49,775
Well, I don't know.
Shouldn't the money go
to d.J.'s college
367
00:21:49,843 --> 00:21:54,179
Or... Towards
Darlene's bail?
368
00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:56,215
It'll never last
that long.
369
00:21:56,282 --> 00:21:59,351
If this business sticks,
then we got a shot at
something better.
370
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:02,888
I don't know, Dan.
371
00:22:02,956 --> 00:22:05,290
"Roseanne Conner,
372
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:07,359
Loose-meat queen."
373
00:22:08,962 --> 00:22:11,697
Sounds good.
Yeah.
374
00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:13,832
Classy.
375
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,968
Take the shot, honey.
376
00:22:16,036 --> 00:22:19,505
Oh, all right,
if it means that
much to you.
377
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:21,573
I just want you
to be happy.
378
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:23,942
Thank you, dear.
379
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:27,246
Of course, you know
if it fails,
I'm gonna blame you.
380
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:29,415
Wouldn't have it
any other way.
381
00:22:43,697 --> 00:22:46,231
tra-la-la-la-lala-la-la-la
382
00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:49,501
happy birthday,sweet 16
383
00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:52,104
tra-la-la-la-lala-la-la-la
384
00:22:52,172 --> 00:22:55,774
happy birthday,sweet 16
385
00:22:55,842 --> 00:22:58,744
tonight's the night
386
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:01,747
I've waited for
387
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:04,917
because you'renot a baby
388
00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:07,619
anymore
389
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:10,622
you've turned intothe prettiest girl
390
00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:13,625
I've ever seen
391
00:23:13,693 --> 00:23:17,830
happy birthdaysweet 16
392
00:23:19,199 --> 00:23:21,667
tra-la-la-la-lala-la-la-la
393
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:24,970
happy birthdaysweet 16
394
00:23:25,038 --> 00:23:27,539
tra-la-la-la-lala-la-la-la
395
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:30,509
happy birthdaysweet 16
44639
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