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1
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♪ Tell a story of a life together ♪
2
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♪ every house an allegory ♪
3
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♪ like the smell of smoke, it lingers on ♪
4
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Astor?
5
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,058
- Hi.
- Hey.
6
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:29,895
You wanted to, um, talk about Mila.
7
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We broke up yesterday.
8
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,666
You were dating her?
9
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:40,039
Um... I want you
to help me get her back.
10
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,341
Oh, Mila and I aren't friends anymore.
11
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That's okay.
She hasn't changed at all.
12
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:47,246
Oh, well, you're probably
better off, then.
13
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She was never interested in people
14
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,916
for the right reasons, anyway.
15
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:53,352
Yeah.
16
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,188
Look, Mila wants a ladies man,
17
00:00:56,190 --> 00:01:00,592
confident guy who gets all the girls.
18
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:05,030
It's not you, is it?
19
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I could learn.
20
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:11,570
You could teach me.
21
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,173
I just need techniques that work.
22
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4:00?
23
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,021
3 past.
24
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:30,689
Would you like to grab a coffee?
25
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,790
You had to ask the time
26
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,792
before you knew you wanted to ask me out?
27
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,027
Asking the time was my in.
28
00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:36,795
I couldn't hit on you straight up.
29
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,297
Well, you should've asked straight up.
It shows confidence.
30
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:41,166
Okay. Okay.
Let's go again.
31
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,435
Hey, what's up, girl?
32
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,237
Want to roll with me, get some coffee?
33
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,772
Yeah, I want to roll with you,
34
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,907
right off my feet off the
sidewalk and into the gutter.
35
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,843
- Let's do it.
- Ain't happening.
36
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:52,978
You're putting on a persona.
Are you an actor?
37
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,547
- No.
- Then why are you acting up now?
38
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,216
Hold the bus.
39
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,384
12:00. May not be possible.
40
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,320
10:00, 11:00,
stop thinking with your cock.
41
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,654
What are you hesitating for?
Go.
42
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,523
I can't run after her.
That's desperate.
43
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,991
You said never look desperate.
44
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,293
You know the deal. Go now.
45
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,130
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
46
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,265
Um, sorry, can I ask you a question?
47
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,867
Sure, spit it out.
48
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:17,302
- Oh, that's charming.
- Prince charming.
49
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,505
- Well, what's the question?
- Can I buy you a coffee?
50
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,773
How long is this question
you have to ask me
51
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,075
over a cup of coffee?
52
00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,810
That's the question.
53
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,078
I don't even know you.
54
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,513
I thought you were, I don't know,
55
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,515
doing some environmental survey
or something.
56
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:33,752
No, I'm just a boy
asking a girl for a coffee.
57
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:38,223
See that machine in there...
coffee is only $1.
58
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:41,660
Yeah. Go get high.
59
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,767
Congratulations.
Your first win.
60
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:49,968
If I was begging.
61
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,204
Asking a random cutie
straight up at this stage
62
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,772
was guaranteed to get you knocked back.
63
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,641
- That was the plan.
- An evil plan.
64
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To get you used to being knocked back.
65
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Didn't hurt much, did it?
66
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:02,214
Hurt like a paper cut on my eyelid.
67
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,849
No pain, no game.
68
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,851
So you're saying I got game?
69
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,986
You're playing the game.
You haven't got game.
70
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,955
- But I be a player, yo.
- All in good time.
71
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,324
Right now, you pay to play.
You got the money?
72
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,926
I have to pay you?
73
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:17,663
No, I was just being silly,
but seriously, can I borrow $20?
74
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,006
Here you are, sir.
75
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:30,108
- Hey, you idiot.
- What?
76
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,244
- Oh! Oh! I-I-I-I...
- What is this?
77
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,112
What am I supposed to do with this?
78
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,781
III-I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
79
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,417
I didn't... you should... but
buy your... buy another soda.
80
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,552
Buy yourself a soda.
81
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,820
Okay.
82
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:45,591
Sorry, is my son bothering you?
Come on, astor.
83
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,559
- Idiot.
- Very sorry.
84
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,528
So, how did you and Mila get together?
85
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,163
Well, let me tell you about it.
86
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,538
Must've been the mixing drinks.
87
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:04,476
Sambuca and bloody Marys don't
really go well to-together.
88
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,079
- Just one more cabernet.
- Well...
89
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,614
- Wee.
- Oh.
90
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,949
♪ When they fight, they fight ♪
91
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,417
Oh!
92
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,553
♪ And when they come home ♪
93
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,455
Oh.
94
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:21,560
Happy Birthday, astor.
Your birthday cake.
95
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:24,830
- Thanks, mom.
- Cherry, like you like it.
96
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,131
Maybe tomorrow.
97
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,368
I'm sorry.
98
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,172
All right.
99
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,474
Okay.
100
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:44,416
♪ Was it too much too soon? ♪
101
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:48,320
♪ Was it little too late? ♪
102
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:53,825
♪ He got the message she left
on his car in the rain ♪
103
00:04:56,629 --> 00:05:00,565
♪ And then the words that come to you ♪
104
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:03,168
Oh.
105
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,103
- Astor.
- Hi.
106
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,538
Hi. Hi.
107
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,473
♪ You just can't let it go ♪
108
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:12,311
You're a little drunk.
109
00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:15,847
Oh.
110
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,149
Okay.
111
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,751
I'm just a little tipsy.
112
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,520
Okay. Okay.
113
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,288
There's no clocks.
114
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,223
Oh.
115
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,092
Okay. Sorry.
116
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,328
- Okay.
- That's my boob.
117
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,029
Yeah.
118
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,631
You all right?
119
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,337
You love me.
120
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:40,505
You're the best.
121
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:44,076
No one loves me like you love me.
122
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,814
I love you, too, Mila.
123
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,317
Cold.
124
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,252
It's cold in your house.
125
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,321
I just puked in my mouth.
126
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,522
I told you to go easy.
127
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,924
It's not the liquor.
128
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,926
It's your sob childhood sweetheart tale.
129
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,661
More than half the world is female,
130
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,063
and you hold out
for someone you liked as a kid.
131
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,264
It's kind of pedophilic.
132
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,766
True love lasts the ages.
133
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,268
True love involves sex, not abstinence.
134
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,603
You skipped teenage sex
135
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,905
because your 4-year-old self
had a crush?
136
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,908
I was a late developer. Highest
vocal range in the church choir.
137
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,344
Oh, so pedophilia came
naturally to you, then.
138
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,613
She was worth the wait.
139
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,790
Sip.
140
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,692
Rinse.
141
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,429
Spit.
142
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,402
Smile.
143
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,706
Kiss.
144
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:05,824
21 years and 43 days since our last kiss.
145
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:09,394
Wow.
I think I remember.
146
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:12,464
It was behind the toilets, right?
147
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,065
Did we just kiss?
148
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,401
- We were 4 years old.
- Right, so probably just kissed.
149
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,970
That'd be weird.
150
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:22,441
Who do you think's gonna be
happier... your mom or mine?
151
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,310
Probably yours.
152
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,879
Yeah, you're probably right.
153
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:31,349
She knows you're everything I ever wanted.
154
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,151
Blind confessions of love
155
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,120
ain't gonna cut it with a girl like Mila.
156
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,322
If you're too sweet,
you'll turn most girls off.
157
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:41,693
You need attitude, edge, and
a hell of a lot more confidence.
158
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,128
You paying attention?
159
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,163
- I'm taking notes.
- No, stop.
160
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,699
You've got to let it flow,
not produce a paper on it.
161
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,234
When you're a player, you'll know.
162
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,503
The girls will know,
and everything will be easy,
163
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,205
like shooting fish in a barrel.
164
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,142
Hi.
165
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,577
Hi.
166
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,712
One for every day we've been together.
167
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,681
Just like Monday.
168
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,684
- How's your paper going?
- Good.
169
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,385
So unfair you get all this work
170
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,221
right when we've become a couple.
171
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,822
Yeah. I know.
172
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,025
I can't really stay out that
late either tonight. Sorry.
173
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:16,628
I've got some good news.
I started studying cardiology.
174
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,997
I'm not gonna get a degree like you,
175
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:23,335
but I thought perhaps
I could help you study.
176
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:26,238
That's really... that's sweet.
177
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:30,876
I've got another surprise, too.
178
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,412
But I'll tell you...
I'll tell you about it.
179
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:37,616
I've always been here beside you.
180
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:41,319
Your beauty weakens my knees.
181
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,321
You never knew.
182
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,023
How could you?
183
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:49,528
Each glance and every word a tease.
184
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:54,132
I couldn't believe it when I had you.
185
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,736
I never thought I'd break through.
186
00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:00,438
I could only barely hold back the tears
187
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:05,443
from my... Deep and frightful
fears.
188
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,647
This bond is new.
189
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,850
Though it'll go on
after we've turned to dust,
190
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,753
our children will one day remind you
191
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,489
of this beautiful love and trust.
192
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,426
♪ Yeah! ♪
193
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,727
♪ Yeah! ♪
194
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,129
♪ Yeah! ♪
195
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,697
♪ Yeah! ♪
196
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,465
♪ Yeah! ♪
197
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:30,101
Ooh. You first.
198
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,336
♪ Yeah! ♪
199
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:32,537
♪ Yeah! ♪
200
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,339
♪ Yeah! ♪
201
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:37,175
Oh. Okay. Okay.
202
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,644
Oh, you're so scared.
203
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,580
No, I'm fine.
204
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,615
I just... okay.
205
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,385
♪ You can have it if you want it ♪
206
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:52,057
Ooh, hey, that's my nipple.
207
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,793
Oh.
208
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,595
Did I do that?
209
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,997
Yeah. When we were 12.
210
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,266
That's the cigarette burn?
211
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,635
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
212
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,303
Your dad caught you smoking,
213
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:08,406
and you panicked
and put it out on my chest.
214
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,342
You got punished.
215
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,712
I still can't cook
with a wooden spoon.
216
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,082
Should I turn off the lights?
217
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,351
Yeah, I'm sobering up anyway.
218
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:20,719
Oh.
219
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,387
♪ It's everything you dreamed of ♪
220
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,888
♪ What you want ♪
221
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,590
- Yeah.
- All right.
222
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,992
Okay.
223
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,728
♪ Just don't blow it ♪
224
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,163
♪ Everything's going down ♪
225
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,866
Oh.
226
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:38,003
I'm surprised
you didn't get lost in the dark.
227
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,138
I think I might be a natural
in the bedroom.
228
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,307
Let's wait and see when you've
slept with more than one girl.
229
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,808
She might've been faking.
230
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,210
- Do you fake?
- No.
231
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,545
If a guy's inadequate,
it helps him to know.
232
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,315
When I give a compliment,
I mean it. Comes from the heart.
233
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,816
Or the clitoris.
234
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,985
It's not clitoral stimulation
that does it for me.
235
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,487
- It's inside.
- Me, too.
236
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:56,821
It's all about the heart.
237
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,790
I'm talking about the g-spot.
238
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,759
Oh, the g-spot.
I'll keep that in mind.
239
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,360
And don't worry.
I won't write it down.
240
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,796
Oh, that one you can tattoo to your hand.
241
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,174
- Boo!
- Hey.
242
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:20,278
Oh, the main symptoms
of V.T. are... no cheating...
243
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,715
palpitations, light-headedness,
and...?
244
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,316
I think I have V.T.
245
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,419
I'm serious.
I think I have V.T.
246
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:31,222
I don't want to do the exam.
Will you do it for me? Please?
247
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,724
I will do anything.
248
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,092
- Anything?
- Well...
249
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,327
...Maybe not anything.
250
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:39,864
Hey. So, this is the guy
you've been hiding?
251
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,767
Hi. I am astor,
and, yes, I am the boyfriend.
252
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,402
- Hi, I'm Jenny.
- Hi, Jenny.
253
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:45,937
- Astor.
- Oh. Hi.
254
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,138
- Hey.
- Hey.
255
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,141
Whoa.
Sorry.
256
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:53,478
Boyfriend?
257
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,382
Want to come pump some iron?
Boost your testosterone?
258
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,618
My doctor says I shouldn't...
259
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,888
got enough testosterone as it is.
260
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,858
Hey, um, did Mila tell you
261
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:09,094
about my birthday party on Saturday?
262
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,763
I was just telling him about
your birthday party on Saturday.
263
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,832
Sounds like fun.
264
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,300
- Cool.
- Yeah.
265
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,835
Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
266
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,436
Lucky you got out of that one.
267
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,804
I got her an 89.
268
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:21,206
You did her exam?
269
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,974
II could've got it in the 90s
270
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,043
if I just knew my aortic stenosis.
271
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,412
Any of this help with your zoology degree?
272
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,682
My average dropped 10% with
the extracurricular studies.
273
00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:32,250
I should've played hard to get.
274
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,987
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
275
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,889
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
276
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,058
Kiss! Kiss his face!
277
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,259
Oh!
278
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,695
What?!
279
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,463
I was... I was gonna do it!
280
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,166
I know. It's fine.
It's not your fault.
281
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,869
All right. Astor.
Your turn, buddy.
282
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,319278
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