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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:04,780 Hello, baby. This is Sam Franklin. 2 00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:07,460 I was married to him. Anna, let me help. What?! 3 00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:09,540 I was after the manager. You're looking at her. 4 00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:10,860 BANG, SCREAMING 5 00:00:10,860 --> 00:00:12,980 Where is the sweepstake? I want to make bet. 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:16,660 I found your little sweepstake. You can get off me now. 7 00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:20,420 Don't you get that you just being here is confusing the hell out of me? 8 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,020 Last night I made some calls to Tokyo 9 00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,980 and I'm pleased to inform you I'm now the proud owner of Hotel Babylon. 10 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:34,020 'A week ago I was in charge of a range of global businesses, 11 00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:35,820 'living the dream. 12 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,220 'Now I'm waiting to find out what's left of it. 13 00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:41,020 'The one asset I know I still own is Hotel Babylon. 14 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:44,420 'But what do I know about hotels, I hear you ask. Well... 15 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:47,580 'I've stayed in plenty, and with a CV like mine, 16 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,100 'running a hotel should be a walk in the park. 17 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,940 'I've been handling people all my life. 18 00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:54,660 'I know how to make them happy. ' 19 00:00:54,660 --> 00:00:56,860 When the owner guaranteed you tickets, 20 00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:59,140 he failed to appreciate the popularity of the show. 21 00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:01,500 Or the lateness of the hour. 22 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,300 What is it? A slug. 23 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,780 It's also a classic con. 24 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:09,860 You eat 95% of your meal, then you put a grub on the plate and complain. 25 00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:11,220 Sam fell for it. 26 00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:13,500 He gave them vouchers for a free dinner. 27 00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:22,380 Morning. Did you get the tickets? Great. 28 00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:24,340 Thank you, thank you. Morning, morning. 29 00:01:24,340 --> 00:01:26,980 'No-one could say that Sam Franklin ever let them down. ' 30 00:01:26,980 --> 00:01:28,780 Sam. I've got to take a shower. 31 00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,180 I'll be right back down. 32 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,540 'As owner, your job's simple - 33 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:39,940 'make sure everyone feels valued and appreciated. ' 34 00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:41,980 Sam, I need you to sign off some ideas I've had 35 00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:44,380 on improving the profile of the hospitality areas. 36 00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:46,100 Now's not a good time... Michael. 37 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,700 I tidy your room special, so now it is... 38 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,700 Yes, just give me a sec, Tanya. 39 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,860 Yep. 40 00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:54,940 .. clean. 41 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,460 Give it to me straight. 42 00:01:56,460 --> 00:01:58,940 What have I got left? 43 00:02:03,780 --> 00:02:06,020 Hotel Babylon is definitely all I have? 44 00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:08,220 I'll call you later. 45 00:02:20,260 --> 00:02:21,940 'And if life throws you a curve ball, 46 00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:25,980 'your job is to pick yourself up, smile and get on with it. ' 47 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:30,140 SHOWER RUNS You roll with the punches and you fight back. 48 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:35,700 I running late because I was getting ready. 49 00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,500 For what? Your coming-out ball? 50 00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:41,180 This my first meeting as head of housekeeping. 51 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,740 I make effort. 52 00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:45,340 Head of housekeeping? Mr Sam promote me. 53 00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:51,220 Wow! Queen of the cleaners(!) Hi. 54 00:03:51,220 --> 00:03:55,300 Well, you'll be pleased to know you missed my "happy to be general manager" speech, 55 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,100 but the key points were that I welcome chocolate gifts 56 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:01,180 and I love a good party. Me too! Oh, we're SO going to get on. 57 00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:05,300 On the off-chance that you may tire of another ten-minute monologue from me, 58 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,980 I'd like to open it to the floor. 59 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:10,020 So, what have we got this weekend? As I'm sure you're all aware, 60 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:12,780 we have Ed and Erin Martyn staying with us. 61 00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:14,060 Oh, great 62 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:16,100 How could we forget, when that's all you talk about? 63 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,460 Well, I would suggest 64 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:20,420 that the lifestyle gurus and TV celebrities are our premier guests. 65 00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:23,180 Chef and I have already looked over their own recipe books 66 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,860 and come up with some additional ideas for their joint birthday dinner. 67 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,700 Their stuff's wholesome, family food. 68 00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:31,980 You doing wild-bean casserole and brown bread-and-butter pudding? 69 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:36,260 James run this event like a military exercise. "Gino, I want a bit of this. " 70 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:37,900 "Gino, I want a bit of that. " 71 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,780 "Gino, I want a bit of the other. " 72 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:44,020 And everything in the restaurant has to close at 5.05 because Mr Slick Pants here, 73 00:04:44,020 --> 00:04:48,820 he wants to watch The Ed And Erin Show. What good have they ever done anyone, eh? 74 00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:52,340 They've changed the way that civilians live their lives, that's all! 75 00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:56,420 Absolutely - bringing back old-fashioned values, home cooking and family meals. 76 00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:57,620 I think they're evil. 77 00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:58,900 SHE GASPS What? 78 00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:02,060 They appear as the perfect family and make everyone else feel inadequate. 79 00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:05,980 We've also got the European heavyweight challenger staying - Fernando Gomez. 80 00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:08,500 Now you talking about somebody who change lives, eh? 81 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,220 I thought he just rearranged faces. 82 00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:14,020 Yeah, he going to rearrange your British challenger's face, that's for sure. 83 00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:15,980 Spain going to smash Great Britain, eh? 84 00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:17,940 Boxing in gloves is for women. 85 00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:20,980 Real men fight with bare fists and teeth! 86 00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:25,420 I think that two men thumping each other for entertainment is just repulsive. 87 00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:29,700 Well, you don't need to worry about that. There's not going to be much thumping. 88 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:33,180 Just a quick bang, bang from Gomez, and your boy Morrison, on his back. 89 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:35,940 Last time out, Morrison destroyed Helmut Schneider, 90 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,740 and Gomez has yet to face a southpaw. 91 00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:41,460 What? You think I shouldn't know about boxing because I'm a woman? 92 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,340 Yes. SHE LAUGHS 93 00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:45,100 Morning. 94 00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:48,020 Sorry, this is a staff meeting. 95 00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,540 Yeah. 96 00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:52,020 And you're here because...? Looking good, Tanya. 97 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:55,540 My first contribution is an initiative from City Hall. 98 00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,580 Leading up to the 2012 Olympics, 99 00:05:57,580 --> 00:06:00,500 they're seeing how eco-friendly hospitality businesses are, 100 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:03,060 checking their carbon footprints, etc. 101 00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:05,620 Well, we already have pretty good green credentials. 102 00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:08,260 Well, I for one always recycle my make-up containers. 103 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,180 Another small country saved(!) 104 00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:12,540 It's called the Green Pillow Scheme 105 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,580 and I've arranged for someone from their office 106 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:17,180 to do an on-site inspection today. Today?! 107 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:21,300 Well... as Emily says, we've already got great credentials. 108 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:25,420 He or she will just turn up, tick the relevant boxes, award us top marks. 109 00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:28,460 Anyone fancy taking it on? Me, me! 110 00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:30,620 It's all media hype, whipping up hysteria. 111 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:32,180 I think it's a key issue, actually. 112 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:35,140 Passion. That's what I like to hear. Thank you, Emily. 113 00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:38,140 Inspector will turn up sometime this morning. 114 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,900 OK, that's it. 115 00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:44,820 People don't come to a five-star hotel 116 00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:49,460 to wonder whether we're recycling their shampoo bottles or using eco-friendly mouthwash. 117 00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:52,060 Do I take it you're not a jolly green giant, then, James? 118 00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:54,220 Not a jolly green anything at the moment. 119 00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:55,940 It's a bandwagon. 120 00:06:58,340 --> 00:07:02,140 I need to book four rooms for a friend of mine this weekend. Superior rooms. 121 00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:04,940 We're fully booked. Just do the Rubik's shuffle. 122 00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:06,180 Twist, move and rearrange. 123 00:07:06,180 --> 00:07:09,820 Bring two guests up from the third to the sixth floor, two from the sixth to the fourth. 124 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,940 That frees up rooms on the fifth and third floor. 125 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:15,220 So move one person from the first up to the sixth floor, 126 00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:16,700 one from the sixth to the third floor. 127 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:19,300 That frees up rooms on the fourth, fifth and third floor. 128 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:24,260 Fill them with people from the seventh and you've got four superior rooms available. 129 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:28,540 What she said. The guest's name's Foreman, Carlton Foreman. 130 00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:31,900 Put it back, Tyler. 131 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,220 GASPS Oh! Is it coming?! 132 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,860 No. THEY are. 133 00:07:36,860 --> 00:07:40,660 Mr and Mrs Martyn, I'm Juliet Miller, the general manager. Hello. 134 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,900 How do you do? Welcome to Hotel Babylon. We're delighted to have you. 135 00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,820 We're delighted to be here. Aren't we? 136 00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:46,980 Mm-hm. 137 00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:48,740 Well, if you'd like to take a seat, 138 00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:52,460 we'll bring you over a complimentary drink while we check you in. 139 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:54,500 I'd love to see where the party's gonna be. 140 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:58,460 You want to stay here and get a drink? I want to stay with you. Aw! 12 years of marriage 141 00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:00,220 and she still can't get enough of me. Oh, stop. 142 00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:01,380 HE LAUGHS 143 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:04,340 We have your payment details, so here are your key cards, Mr and Mrs Martyn. 144 00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:06,860 Annie, do you want to take Tyler up to the room? 145 00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:10,020 Can I just say I'm a massive fan? The item you did last week 146 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,140 about the mind-blowing holiday disasters... 147 00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:13,780 it was mind-blowing. 148 00:08:13,780 --> 00:08:16,540 The... herd of cows, cliff-top caravan... 149 00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:19,500 Yeah. So when are you due? Oh, um... about a month. 150 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,980 Ed loved it when I was pregnant. 151 00:08:20,980 --> 00:08:23,300 Well, there's nothing more amazing than a pregnant woman. 152 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:25,100 Yeah, you should try it from this side. 153 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:29,180 Oh, if he could've had Tyler himself, he would have. All the scans, the check-ups, 154 00:08:29,180 --> 00:08:31,260 the prenatal classes - I couldn't get enough. 155 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,340 I hope your fella's pulling his weight. 156 00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:35,420 Yeah... er... he is. 157 00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:37,220 Mr and Mrs Martyn, shall we...? Great. 158 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:39,100 Bye. Bye. 159 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,060 Feel like I've just met royalty. 160 00:08:41,060 --> 00:08:42,660 I'm going to be sick. What? 161 00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:46,500 Go over this list and be ready to answer any questions the inspector may have. 162 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,620 It's like being back at school. How would you know? 163 00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:51,980 Come on. Who's the Anna-baby-father frontrunner? 164 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,980 No frontrunners, but about 700... SHE WAILS 165 00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:56,220 Cover it. 166 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,620 Maybe I should just ask for the weekend off. 167 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,500 What's up? 168 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,340 She's had her first brush with the country's most famous family. 169 00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:06,500 They made you feel rubbish? Well, they noticed the bump, 170 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,180 asked her about the dad, and then she threw up. 171 00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:11,500 Welcome to parenthood. Most of the time you feel ill-equipped, 172 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,700 inadequate, and the rest of the time you feel nauseous. 173 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,660 Talking of parenthood, none of you saw Anna's baby scan pictures. 174 00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:18,540 Can we see? EXCITED MURMURING 175 00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:21,740 Look, you can see its little fingers. Oh! 176 00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:26,020 OK, now, looks like it's got James's nose, but that's impossible. 177 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:29,460 What about the chin? The head shape reminds me of... 178 00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:32,540 You remember the guy with the dark hair? Who? 179 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:34,780 He works with whatshisname. Who? 180 00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:38,300 I thought that you'd stopped taking bets. 181 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,660 Well, we did. 182 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:42,380 We had. But we start again. 183 00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:45,380 I thought you were genuinely interested in the baby, 184 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,740 but you're not, you just want to win some stupid bet. 185 00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:49,940 From now on, just don't even look at me. 186 00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:52,780 Anna, it's just a bit of fun. No. It's not. 187 00:09:52,780 --> 00:09:54,780 Oh, come on, Anna, just give us some clues. 188 00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:56,500 Is the father tall? Is he dark haired? 189 00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:58,300 Is he black? Is he someone we know? 190 00:09:58,300 --> 00:09:59,700 Put us out of our misery. 191 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,780 OK, fine. You really want to know who the father is? Yes. 192 00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:04,980 You really, really want me to tell you? ALL: Yes! 193 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,020 You want me to come out and say who the father is? 194 00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,540 Yes! Yes! 195 00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:11,260 OK, fine! It's him! All right?! 196 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,620 Which means I win the money! 197 00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:25,900 So I take it darkness and alcohol 198 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,740 played their part in your coupling with Darren the waiter. 199 00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,380 Why? 200 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,060 Is he not good-looking? He's OK, 201 00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:34,940 but ordinary looks coupled with no money 202 00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:39,060 measures somewhere between the Elephant Man and Quasimodo on your scale. 203 00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:40,500 Hey, you. 204 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:44,500 You have rooms. Yes? Booked or not, you've got them. 205 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:48,940 Fernando. Usted es verdadero el campeon del pueblo. 206 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:52,460 Usted es el corazon y alma de Espana. Hombre! 207 00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:55,100 Come on! What you doing? Hey! 208 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:57,420 I your biggest fan! I just want to shake your hand! 209 00:10:57,420 --> 00:11:00,580 Mr Gomez. I'm Juliet Miller, the general manager. 210 00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:02,500 Welcome to Hotel Babylon. Hola. 211 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:05,940 I'm so sorry about the fan, and I guarantee he won't pester you again, 212 00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:08,460 but he is actually our bar manager, so we may need him. 213 00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:11,100 Rafael! Si. 214 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,900 Gabriel! 215 00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:14,380 Es barman aqui. 216 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,620 OK? Mm-hm. 217 00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:23,420 Fernando! I still your biggest fan, eh? 218 00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,300 PHONE RINGS 219 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:28,940 Hello, reception. Anna Thornton-Wilton speaking. 220 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:31,500 'Another one's gone. ' Who is this? 221 00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,580 'She's gone. ' 222 00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:35,140 So have you had au pairs walk out on you before? 223 00:11:35,140 --> 00:11:36,660 Loads of times. 224 00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:39,220 I know looking after someone else's kid is a thankless job, 225 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,740 but it's hardly rocket science, is it? 226 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,060 "What do you want for breakfast, lunch? 227 00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:45,740 "Want to go to the park? Here's your dinner. Get to bed!" 228 00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:48,340 It's easy. You're funny. 229 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,820 Funny ha-ha or funny weird? 230 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,300 Weird, definitely. 231 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,380 OK. Let's get you back to your mummy and daddy now. 232 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,940 I'm 11, not two. Yeah, whatever. 233 00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:59,180 No. Let me phone our office and check out 234 00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:01,860 the hopsack-weave linen we featured in our last book. 235 00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:05,540 I think it's going to give the room a much more homely feel. 236 00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:07,060 You're the expert on homely. Yeah. 237 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,980 The chef thought the risotto al funghi would be 238 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:14,660 a more appropriate accompaniment to the lighter antipasti choices. 239 00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:18,020 It all sounds good, James. I know nothing about wine. Never touch the stuff. 240 00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:20,660 So I'm leaving the choices to your Spanish sommelier. 241 00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:22,260 Our who? 242 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:24,500 Oh, our barman. 243 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,940 I've called him many things, but a sommelier? No, no, no. 244 00:12:27,940 --> 00:12:29,420 THEY LAUGH 245 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:30,580 Hey, small fry. 246 00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:33,740 What's been happening? Your nanny's walked out on you. 247 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:36,980 What? Yeah. Tyler rang down to reception 248 00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:42,020 and I saw her walking out of the door. Oh, no! What are we going to do? 249 00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:45,300 Er, well, we'll just have to keep Tyler with us for the weekend. 250 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,300 What? While we pull a TV programme together? 251 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,140 While we talk to scriptwriters and producers? 252 00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:52,780 He'll be bored, Ed. Jesus, I'm bored talking to them, and I'm an adult! 253 00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:54,900 Darling, we'll sort something. So what are we gonna do? 254 00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,940 We've got all our friends coming to a party! 255 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:59,500 Darling, relax. We'll just have to cancel. 256 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:03,020 We won't have to cancel. Maybe we could help. How? 257 00:13:03,020 --> 00:13:05,700 Well, I could ask a member of staff to look after Tyler, 258 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:08,580 give you time to sort something else out long term. 259 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,100 So do you have, like, a child-minding thing here? 260 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,700 No, but... 261 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,540 How about Anna? 262 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,460 Me? Yes. 263 00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,500 You've forged a relationship with Tyler? 264 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,460 No. No, not really. And you could do with the practice. 265 00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:25,500 Yeah. 266 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,860 SHE SOBS 267 00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:31,220 And it would be much less taxing for you than standing up for eight-hour shifts. 268 00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:33,380 I can lean. 269 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,580 Oh, God. Tyler? Tyler, what do you think? 270 00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:42,060 Yeah, Tyler. Do you want a bossy, weird woman looking after you? 271 00:13:42,060 --> 00:13:43,580 Why not? 272 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:48,180 Great. That's sorted, then. Thanks. 273 00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:52,220 Now, this risotto. I don't like risotto. I think we should have fish. 274 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,340 Tough life, being an owner. I'm sorry, did I miss the memo 275 00:13:57,340 --> 00:14:00,260 about the Neanderthal look-alike competition here today? 276 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:03,540 That's no ordinary Neanderthal. That's Don "Pitbull" Morrison and his entourage. 277 00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:06,940 Call security. I want this reprobate out of here now! 278 00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:11,380 Oh, shut up! This man is POSING as a hotel manager. 279 00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:13,940 He couldn't run a bloody bath, bloody charlatan. 280 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,460 BOTH LAUGH 281 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:20,980 You don't call. You don't text. Why the hell would I call you? 282 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:25,300 Good to see you, Sammy. Listen, thanks for sorting out the rooms. 283 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,580 Oh, what are mates for? 284 00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:30,340 Anyway, so last I heard, you were in... Arizona, mining uranium? 285 00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,060 Arkansas, digging for copper. 286 00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:35,060 Didn't find any, so I fell into the boxing game. 287 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:36,180 Boxing? Yeah. 288 00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:40,980 This is my latest charge, Don Morrison, European heavyweight champion. 289 00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:45,940 What are you looking at? Just you... you're not so big close up. 290 00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:47,740 Are you Spanish? Si. 291 00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:49,140 I hate the Spanish. 292 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,860 Why don't you just shake hands and play nice? 293 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:59,260 Ow! I didn't know the Spanish were so strong. 294 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,900 Call off the fight, Carlton... not. 295 00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:05,740 HE CHUCKLES 296 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:07,500 I'll go get him checked in. Mmm. 297 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,260 Can I have a word, please, sir? Mmm. 298 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:10,740 Sir, we've got a big problem, 299 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:13,380 and you need to sort something out before Juliet... 300 00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,860 Um... Is that who I think it is? 301 00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:17,740 Who booked him in? What's the problem? 302 00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:20,220 You arrived late to the morning meeting, so you have no idea 303 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,860 that we also have Fernando Gomez booked in this weekend. 304 00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:24,940 Fernando who? You don't follow sport, then? 305 00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:26,500 Not really. Oh. 306 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,820 Fernando Gomez is Morrison's opponent in the big fight this weekend. 307 00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:34,140 We've got both boxers staying here? Fantastic! 308 00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:37,860 Sam, you're not getting it. They can't both be here. Morrison has to go. 309 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:41,740 Jules? Jules, hello! 310 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:45,700 Carlton, what are you doing here? 311 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:49,540 It was Carlton who phoned me for the rooms. He's Morrison's manager. 312 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:54,540 If you're staying here, we should all get together for a meal, talk about old times. 313 00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:56,380 I work here, actually. What? 314 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:59,820 You work... with Sam? 315 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:06,140 No... Oh, no! What's so funny? 316 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:10,180 No offence, but the best thing you two ever did was get away from each other. 317 00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:12,100 Now you're working together? 318 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,900 Yeah, and it's going pretty well. 319 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,100 Good. 320 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,100 Well, I just hope I'm not around when it all goes tits up... again. 321 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,540 Funny you should mention you not being around... 322 00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:23,100 Why don't you get yourself checked into the room 323 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,860 and we'll have a catch-up drink later? 324 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,220 CARLTON CHUCKLES Sam. 325 00:16:31,020 --> 00:16:34,060 Carlton and Morrison cannot stay here. Why not? 326 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,540 Because at this stage with a fight, 327 00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:37,860 boxers are programmed to kill their opponent on sight. 328 00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:41,740 If either finds out the other's here, they'll murder each other. He has to go. 329 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,860 I can't throw him out. 330 00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:47,660 I owe him. What? Money? 331 00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:50,860 When we split up, I was in a mess. He was there for me. 332 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,620 So he broke out the whisky and tissues 333 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,620 and now you're honour-bound to help him out? 334 00:16:54,620 --> 00:16:56,420 Why do you dislike him so much? 335 00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:57,900 It might be to do with his mentioning 336 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:00,140 every one of your past conquests in his best man speech, 337 00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:04,020 or the fact that your golf weekends away lasted till Tuesday. 338 00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:06,540 I can't throw him out. 339 00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:09,860 I thought we agreed that I was going to run this hotel. 340 00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,500 OK. 341 00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:17,500 Cards on the table. 342 00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:24,300 I spoke to Michael this morning. Hotel Babylon's all I have left. 343 00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:28,140 Everything else has gone. Everything? 344 00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:33,700 Which means I'm staying put. 345 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:38,660 But together, we can make a real go of this place, 346 00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:40,820 make some serious money. 347 00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:42,220 What do you say? 348 00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,860 This is not what we agreed to, Sam. 349 00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:48,140 The answer I'm looking for is "yes". 350 00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:51,620 And the answer you're getting is "maybe". 351 00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:57,740 I can work with "maybe". 352 00:17:57,740 --> 00:18:01,020 You're being issued with timetables for both the boxing camps. 353 00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:05,140 Any deviations from the itineraries by either party and you need to contact me, 354 00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:07,060 Sam or Tony, ASAP. 355 00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:10,740 You all know the score. These two groups must never meet. Understand? Never. 356 00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:12,580 Muchas gracias, senor. 357 00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:13,860 De nada. Gracias. 358 00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:18,060 Tony! Let me wish you luck, eh? 359 00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:20,700 Si. Beat this Pitbull man, eh? 360 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,940 Hey, hey. Kill him if you have to! 361 00:18:22,940 --> 00:18:25,220 Do it for Spain. GOMEZ GROWLS 362 00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:27,180 It's OK. Go. 363 00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:37,220 GASPING 364 00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:41,980 Mr Gomez? Mr Morrison? 365 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:43,580 There's a message from the venue. 366 00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:48,420 Time to go. 367 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,900 Well, thank you, gentlemen. Have... 368 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,420 SQUEALS .. a good day. 369 00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:53,860 Right, do something. Ah, Mr Morrison. 370 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:58,940 If I could break with protocol for one minute and, um... 371 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:02,300 ask you to sign this napkin for me? 372 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:05,700 I didn't take you for a fight fan. I love a good scrap, me. 373 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:09,860 If you could write, "To James, love from... " 374 00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:13,860 Or just "from" would be fine. 375 00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,980 You don't have a bicycle stand? 376 00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:28,420 This is a five-star hotel. So? 377 00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:31,820 So couriers go round the back. There's nowhere to put my bike? 378 00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:34,220 Don't tempt me, mate. I'll just have to take it in, then. 379 00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:37,340 At the risk of stating the bleedin' obvious - on yer bike. 380 00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:40,860 I am Robert Carrick, environmental officer from City Hall. 381 00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,860 I believe I'm expected. 382 00:19:42,860 --> 00:19:46,460 Congratulations. You've just failed test number one. 383 00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:49,420 Mr Carrick, welcome to Hotel Babylon. 384 00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:53,340 I'm Emily James, head of PR. We are delighted to have you with us today. 385 00:19:53,340 --> 00:19:55,740 I did ask for somewhere to store my bicycle. 386 00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:58,500 Oh, that's easy. Tony, bike. Of course. 387 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:01,140 I imagine you're a man who likes to hit the ground running, 388 00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:04,220 so I've set up the most energy-efficient route around the hotel, 389 00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:07,500 taking in all the key areas - bedrooms... 390 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,420 I thought I'd take him to the Trocadero Centre, 391 00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:12,180 and then get him a burger or something for lunch. 392 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:16,060 No. No, no, no. He can't leave the hotel without us. 393 00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:20,980 We also advocate a strictly organic diet. No processed foods. 394 00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:24,460 I think he's lactose intolerant. Ed thinks that I'm too fussy but... 395 00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:27,020 "Fussy" wasn't the word I used, sweetness. 396 00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:31,660 So I recommend a limited amount of dairy-based foodstuffs, 397 00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:33,740 chocolate being an absolute no-no until after 4.00, 398 00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:35,340 where he's allowed two squares max. 399 00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:39,060 And we all know that fizzy drinks are the quickest way to tooth decay. 400 00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:41,740 And crisps are poison! 401 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:45,060 Now, before I forget, I need you to sign this. 402 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:48,620 It's just a straightforward confidentiality agreement. 403 00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:51,220 Oh! I don't know. 404 00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:53,100 No, it's routine. All our staff sign one. 405 00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:56,180 It might conflict with the contract I have with the hotel. 406 00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:00,620 SHE WEEPS 407 00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:04,380 I'm sorry. Sorry. 408 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,540 Just when I thought it was going to work. 409 00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:13,060 Darling, what... I'm sorry. I... 410 00:21:13,060 --> 00:21:15,740 I couldn't think of putting him in the hands of a stranger. 411 00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:19,340 I could do it without the agreement. It's impossible. 412 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:24,300 Just call that manager woman and tell her to cancel the party. 413 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,620 Darling... ERIN WEEPS 414 00:21:26,620 --> 00:21:29,580 Darling, please stop it. We'll sort something out. 415 00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:32,740 ERIN SOBS BITTERLY 416 00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:35,180 OK! I'll sign. 417 00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:39,220 Thanks. It's all yours. 418 00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:47,220 How much do pirates pay for their earrings? 419 00:21:47,220 --> 00:21:48,860 A buck an ear! 420 00:21:51,580 --> 00:21:53,380 SHE GASPS Ta-da! 421 00:21:55,460 --> 00:21:58,380 OK, come on, hit me as hard as you like, eh? 422 00:21:58,380 --> 00:21:59,820 Gino feel nothing, eh? 423 00:22:01,660 --> 00:22:03,180 I wasn't ready. 424 00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:09,620 INAUDIBLE 425 00:22:12,340 --> 00:22:13,820 Come here. 426 00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:18,380 What am I supposed to do? 427 00:22:19,140 --> 00:22:21,060 Oh, educate yourself. 428 00:22:23,180 --> 00:22:27,180 Yeah, that's what he said. Why am I always the last to hear? 429 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:30,620 I'll talk to Chef. Thanks. 430 00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:32,100 Sorry. 431 00:22:34,860 --> 00:22:36,660 Hello. I'm Anna. 432 00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:38,180 I know. 433 00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:39,660 Darren. 434 00:22:39,660 --> 00:22:41,100 Was James OK? 435 00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:43,460 I just saw him talking to you. Oh, yeah. 436 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:44,900 He's in a bad mood about the boxers. 437 00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:47,460 They want protein drinks, raw eggs and raw liver. 438 00:22:47,460 --> 00:22:49,900 He never likes it when people mess with the food. 439 00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:52,580 Right. OK. Listen, you might find some of the staff 440 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,340 have been a little bit weird with you today. 441 00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:57,340 That's because of me. 442 00:22:57,340 --> 00:23:00,180 Um, it's... it's a funny story, 443 00:23:00,180 --> 00:23:05,940 but they were pestering me to tell them who the father of my baby is, and I... 444 00:23:05,940 --> 00:23:08,100 SHE LAUGHS .. I told them it's you, 445 00:23:08,100 --> 00:23:11,580 which is just ridiculous, I know, because as if I would... 446 00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:14,140 .. with you! 447 00:23:14,140 --> 00:23:17,580 That would... Urgh, no! Anyway, if anyone asks, just say 448 00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:20,020 that you are the dad, OK? Cool, cool. 449 00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:23,740 OK. Um... quick, now, tell a joke. 450 00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:26,620 I don't know any. LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY 451 00:23:26,620 --> 00:23:28,740 Oh, you! Oooh! Oooh, you're strong. 452 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:31,060 SHE GIGGLES All right... 453 00:23:31,060 --> 00:23:32,700 Ohhh. MUTTERS EXCITEDLY 454 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,660 Go. Now go. 455 00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:36,940 Oooh, bye! Love you! 456 00:23:36,940 --> 00:23:38,620 What do we have in here? 457 00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:42,460 Er, Anna, sorry about the sweepstake thing. 458 00:23:42,460 --> 00:23:44,460 That was pretty... pretty tactless. 459 00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:46,460 Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah. 460 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:48,700 But you're OK? 461 00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:51,020 Yeah, I'm OK. 462 00:23:51,020 --> 00:23:54,460 You know, I... I'm having trouble understanding 463 00:23:54,460 --> 00:23:58,420 how you, of all people, got yourself into this situation. 464 00:23:58,420 --> 00:24:00,060 Yes. Yes, yes. 465 00:24:00,060 --> 00:24:02,100 I do, too, sometimes. 466 00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:03,580 Hmm. 467 00:24:04,580 --> 00:24:07,100 So obviously he's the one. 468 00:24:08,260 --> 00:24:11,420 Yeah. Yeah. I thought he was. 469 00:24:11,420 --> 00:24:14,380 SHE SIGHS HEAVILY 470 00:24:14,380 --> 00:24:16,940 Well, Darren's a nice guy. 471 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,460 Yes, Darren. 472 00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,500 Yes. Oooh, he's lovely. Ohhh! 473 00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:24,020 Lovely Darren. Yeah. 474 00:24:24,020 --> 00:24:27,020 Ohhh! SHE GIGGLES, HE CHUCKLES 475 00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:30,980 Did she say anything? 476 00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:32,820 And is he the dad? 477 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:35,300 Well, she didn't say that he's not. 478 00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:38,940 The refrigeration system could do with an overhaul to lower emissions. 479 00:24:38,940 --> 00:24:42,940 I've already booked an engineer to have a look at all the machinery. Have you? 480 00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:45,260 Yes, well, the ventilation's inadequate, 481 00:24:45,260 --> 00:24:49,300 the insulation is patchy and the lighting is uneconomical. 482 00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:52,980 You see, we take green issues very seriously at Hotel Babylon 483 00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:54,980 and I am determined to make improvements 484 00:24:54,980 --> 00:24:57,020 as and when I feel they're necessary. 485 00:24:57,020 --> 00:24:58,500 Shall we? 486 00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,780 Hmm. Looks like somebody's after your job. 487 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:08,580 Hmm? 488 00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:11,220 You did make sure there wasn't a small boy here 489 00:25:11,220 --> 00:25:12,780 before you sat down, didn't you? 490 00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:15,460 Oh! 491 00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:17,940 Have you seen a small boy with big hair? I think I saw him... 492 00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:32,020 What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?! 493 00:25:32,020 --> 00:25:33,500 Oh, God! 494 00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:35,220 Playing PSP. 495 00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:36,740 And you shouldn't swear. 496 00:25:36,740 --> 00:25:39,140 I was worried sick. 497 00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:41,020 You weren't when you dumped me in the lobby. 498 00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,020 Do you think it's funny, running off like that? 499 00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:46,100 I didn't run. I walked. 500 00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:47,420 Oh! 501 00:25:49,420 --> 00:25:52,340 What would your parents say if they knew I lost you? 502 00:25:52,340 --> 00:25:54,220 So it's my parents you're worried about, not me? 503 00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:55,940 Yes, of course. They're famous. 504 00:25:55,940 --> 00:25:58,900 You're rubbish with kids, eh? And you're rubbish with adults. 505 00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,740 That's because adults ARE rubbish. 506 00:26:01,980 --> 00:26:05,820 Yeah, well, everyone is. Get used to it - I had to. 507 00:26:08,220 --> 00:26:10,460 I suppose you'll want this back. 508 00:26:10,460 --> 00:26:12,940 I'm not gonna agree, Erin! 509 00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:15,780 I'm his mother! I'm his bloody dad! So what? 510 00:26:15,780 --> 00:26:18,500 What's going on? They're arguing about their divorce. 511 00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:21,500 The divorce?! ED: I can look after him as well as you! 512 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:23,380 What? Like you did when I was in Barcelona? 513 00:26:23,380 --> 00:26:24,900 You are such a cow! 514 00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:26,940 Are they always like this? Most times. 515 00:26:26,940 --> 00:26:28,940 And you just have to listen? 516 00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:31,220 I didn't want to still be debating this 517 00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:33,460 at our bloody party, Ed! 518 00:26:33,460 --> 00:26:34,980 Then agree to 50/50 custody 519 00:26:34,980 --> 00:26:39,060 and we can go and give all our friends the full happy Martyns experience! 520 00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:42,900 70/30- that's my final offer. Just agree to it. 521 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:45,980 What? So you can squeeze me out? You are so paranoid! 522 00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:49,220 And you're a scheming cow! Should I...? 523 00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:51,740 It wasn't me who had the first affair, sweetheart! 524 00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:54,740 And it wasn't me who had the slutting last! 525 00:26:54,740 --> 00:26:56,260 Hello! Um... 526 00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:59,940 Just thought I'd let you know that we're back, and, um... 527 00:26:59,940 --> 00:27:03,860 I'm just going to go, so you guys just... 528 00:27:03,860 --> 00:27:06,020 and I'll, um, see you tomorrow. 529 00:27:06,020 --> 00:27:07,660 Um... just a second. 530 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:10,540 This might be a good moment to remind you 531 00:27:10,540 --> 00:27:14,020 that you have actually signed a confidentiality agreement. 532 00:27:14,020 --> 00:27:15,340 She knows that! Yeah? 533 00:27:15,340 --> 00:27:17,060 I know that. 534 00:27:18,260 --> 00:27:19,700 Mm-hm? 535 00:27:23,780 --> 00:27:28,620 Why are you such a cow?! Because I've been married to you 536 00:27:28,620 --> 00:27:30,780 for 12 years! God, I hate you! 537 00:27:32,380 --> 00:27:34,620 Would you like me to take you somewhere else? 538 00:27:34,620 --> 00:27:36,460 It's OK. I'm used to it. 539 00:27:36,460 --> 00:27:38,540 I'm sorry for being horrible to you today. 540 00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:41,540 You were just being yourself, right? 541 00:27:41,540 --> 00:27:43,020 Yeah. 542 00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:49,900 No taste! The state of you! The bloody state of you! 543 00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:53,500 You vile... pink bitch! 544 00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:57,620 You slimy... Oh! 545 00:28:03,460 --> 00:28:06,660 As you can see, there are notices in every bathroom 546 00:28:06,660 --> 00:28:08,620 telling guests to re-use their towels. 547 00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:10,820 And we all know that's less about saving the planet 548 00:28:10,820 --> 00:28:12,820 and more about saving your laundry bills. 549 00:28:12,820 --> 00:28:14,460 The cleaning products you have 550 00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,900 are chock-full of petrochemicals and phosphates 551 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:20,220 and are so crammed with unbiodegradable oils and lards... 552 00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,780 So what do I do? 553 00:28:21,780 --> 00:28:24,140 I would suggest a very large bonfire. 554 00:28:24,140 --> 00:28:27,020 CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT 555 00:28:27,020 --> 00:28:28,980 It's the Morrison party back from the Ivy. 556 00:28:28,980 --> 00:28:31,460 And where's Gomez? Safely sat up in his room. 557 00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:33,100 It's a code green. 558 00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:36,860 Oh, no! 559 00:28:46,940 --> 00:28:48,820 It's OK. It's OK. 560 00:28:48,820 --> 00:28:51,020 What the hell are you doing here? 561 00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:53,740 I stay here. What are you doing here? 562 00:28:53,740 --> 00:28:56,980 I'm here to put your lights out, Mr Gomez! 563 00:28:56,980 --> 00:28:59,820 And I'm here to castrate the Pitbull, cabron. 564 00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:03,380 Do something. What? 565 00:29:03,380 --> 00:29:06,380 OK, gentlemen, let's keep a lid on it, nice and friendly. 566 00:29:06,380 --> 00:29:08,780 You know, save it for the ring, eh? 567 00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:13,020 THUMPING AND GRUNTING 568 00:29:18,780 --> 00:29:20,060 Hey! 569 00:29:28,540 --> 00:29:31,340 You're dead... Wait, stop! 570 00:29:31,340 --> 00:29:33,780 Out of the way. Shut up! 571 00:29:33,780 --> 00:29:35,940 Someone get a doctor! 572 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,180 You should've punched! Yes. 573 00:29:39,340 --> 00:29:41,300 We need to contain this, keep it out of the press. 574 00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:44,980 OK, I'll go and find Emily. ANGRY VOICES RECEDE 575 00:29:45,020 --> 00:29:47,420 What happens if it's broken? 576 00:29:47,420 --> 00:29:49,940 Then the fight gets cancelled, people lose a shitload of money, 577 00:29:49,940 --> 00:29:53,740 and I hate to say this, but this hotel is up the proverbial creek without a paddle. 578 00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:56,860 Come on, Carlton! "Come on" what, Sam? 579 00:29:56,860 --> 00:29:59,980 Seriously, you booked both boxers into the same hotel! 580 00:29:59,980 --> 00:30:02,540 If this didn't hurt so much, I'd deal with you myself. 581 00:30:02,540 --> 00:30:05,580 I didn't know Gomez was staying here till after you'd arrived. 582 00:30:05,580 --> 00:30:07,100 And you couldn't tell us then? 583 00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:09,260 You'd have felt you had to leave. You're a moron! 584 00:30:09,260 --> 00:30:12,020 I'd rather have been given the choice and have left 585 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:14,420 because, frankly, with the purse, the sponsorship, 586 00:30:14,420 --> 00:30:16,860 the television, the advertising revenue alone, 587 00:30:16,860 --> 00:30:18,540 we stand to lose several million pounds, 588 00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:20,340 all of which I've got to try and recoup. 589 00:30:20,340 --> 00:30:23,780 So I'm gonna have to sue this hotel. 590 00:30:23,780 --> 00:30:27,500 Look, I know I messed up, but... this could ruin me. 591 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,980 Sam, seriously... mate, this is business, yeah? 592 00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:33,180 Pure and simple. 593 00:30:33,180 --> 00:30:35,140 Anyway, first things first - 594 00:30:35,140 --> 00:30:39,540 I need to get Don's hand X-rayed. I'll arrange it. 595 00:30:43,940 --> 00:30:46,140 Oh, hey, hey, big lady! 596 00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:47,820 "Big lady"? 597 00:30:47,820 --> 00:30:49,780 Dear me. I've awakened the beast inside. 598 00:30:49,780 --> 00:30:51,620 No, you are not a big lady. 599 00:30:51,620 --> 00:30:55,460 You are a tiny little rose with a little baby inside. 600 00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:58,220 Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm just in a bad mood. 601 00:30:58,220 --> 00:31:00,860 Here. What's this? 602 00:31:00,860 --> 00:31:04,180 This is the Mexican AA. 603 00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:06,420 The Mexican AA? Si. 604 00:31:06,420 --> 00:31:09,620 No alcohol, but spicy flavour. 605 00:31:09,620 --> 00:31:11,340 OK. 606 00:31:11,340 --> 00:31:13,380 Oh! You lost your cherry. 607 00:31:14,380 --> 00:31:15,780 Here. 608 00:31:16,740 --> 00:31:18,620 So what happened? 609 00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:21,220 Oh. The scars of war. 610 00:31:21,220 --> 00:31:23,820 Lucky for Tony that Gino was there to help him out, eh? 611 00:31:25,220 --> 00:31:27,100 Come on, tell Gino. 612 00:31:28,140 --> 00:31:29,620 You have a baby on the way. 613 00:31:29,620 --> 00:31:33,340 Why are you not blooming like a big, ripe tomato? 614 00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,660 It just... it just hit me 615 00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:40,260 that I'm having a baby. 616 00:31:40,260 --> 00:31:42,700 I knew that I was having a baby, 617 00:31:42,700 --> 00:31:46,260 but I just realised that I'm, like, actually having a baby. 618 00:31:46,260 --> 00:31:47,980 Like, I'm going to have a baby. 619 00:31:47,980 --> 00:31:49,660 I don't have anything ready. 620 00:31:49,660 --> 00:31:51,700 I don't have a nursery, I haven't got any nappies. 621 00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:55,380 I went out to buy a cot the other day and I came back with new shoes. 622 00:31:55,380 --> 00:31:57,060 How are new shoes - even gorgeous ones... 623 00:31:57,060 --> 00:31:59,060 They're velvet and have diamante heels. 624 00:31:59,060 --> 00:32:00,860 .. how are they going to help my baby? 625 00:32:00,860 --> 00:32:03,180 And what sort of a well-dressed mother does that make me? 626 00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:06,500 Look, nobody is good with kids until they actually have kids. 627 00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:07,980 I have a son, you know? 628 00:32:07,980 --> 00:32:10,940 Yeah, I know - little Gino. Oh, no, no, this is another one, 629 00:32:10,940 --> 00:32:13,180 in Barcelona. He's 12. Cristiano. 630 00:32:13,180 --> 00:32:14,940 Do they not have sex education in Spain? 631 00:32:14,940 --> 00:32:16,420 Oh, yes. 632 00:32:16,420 --> 00:32:18,620 I was a young waiter in a hotel. 633 00:32:18,620 --> 00:32:23,020 29, charming, handsome, virile. A ladies' man, you know? 634 00:32:23,020 --> 00:32:24,580 No, I can't picture that. 635 00:32:24,580 --> 00:32:26,980 Well, Martha pictured it. 636 00:32:26,980 --> 00:32:28,660 She was the waitress 637 00:32:28,660 --> 00:32:32,220 and we did the naked mambo underneath a bloody red moon. 638 00:32:32,220 --> 00:32:33,500 God! 639 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:37,980 But I get the wanderlust again, I move off to pastures new. 640 00:32:37,980 --> 00:32:40,940 I didn't know about him until four years ago, 641 00:32:40,940 --> 00:32:45,140 when my sister got absolutely bladdered at a party and blurt it out. 642 00:32:45,140 --> 00:32:46,860 What did you do when you found out? 643 00:32:46,860 --> 00:32:48,420 What could I do, eh? 644 00:32:48,420 --> 00:32:50,900 She has robbed me of the chance of being his father. 645 00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:54,260 Is that how you feel, that you were robbed? 646 00:32:54,260 --> 00:32:57,380 Every child needs his father. 647 00:32:57,380 --> 00:33:01,180 And every father needs his child. 648 00:33:03,180 --> 00:33:05,260 A man has a right to know the truth, eh? 649 00:33:06,820 --> 00:33:09,380 But... but you're OK. 650 00:33:09,380 --> 00:33:12,100 You have your father. You have Darren. 651 00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:16,020 He be very good for... bringing sandwiches. 652 00:33:16,020 --> 00:33:18,220 A waiter. 653 00:33:18,220 --> 00:33:20,180 Very useful. 654 00:33:21,380 --> 00:33:24,420 As you can see, we already have an extensive recycling system in place, 655 00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:27,180 so shall we move on? Wait! 656 00:33:29,300 --> 00:33:32,460 This was in with the brown glass. 657 00:33:36,580 --> 00:33:39,580 Looks like I'm going to have to dig a lot deeper. 658 00:33:44,180 --> 00:33:45,660 Ooh! 659 00:33:47,180 --> 00:33:49,580 I hope you've got rubber gloves. 660 00:33:49,580 --> 00:33:52,620 "ROCKY THEME" PLAYS 661 00:34:05,660 --> 00:34:07,140 RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC ENDS 662 00:34:10,980 --> 00:34:14,300 So... what's she like, eh? Who? 663 00:34:14,300 --> 00:34:15,620 Anna. 664 00:34:15,620 --> 00:34:18,260 I bet she's like a dark-haired Venus, eh? 665 00:34:18,260 --> 00:34:19,700 Yeah. 666 00:34:19,700 --> 00:34:21,620 Like a tigress, eh? 667 00:34:21,620 --> 00:34:23,980 Yeah, it was electric. No hanky-panky, eh? 668 00:34:23,980 --> 00:34:27,860 Otherwise you'll have Gino to answer to, eh? OK? Right. 669 00:34:27,860 --> 00:34:29,100 OK. 670 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:30,380 Go. 671 00:34:32,660 --> 00:34:35,300 Sam, I need to speak to you urgently 672 00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:37,860 about the Green Pillow man. What's he still doing here? 673 00:34:37,860 --> 00:34:41,140 Well, as the day's gone on, he's got harder and harder to please. 674 00:34:41,140 --> 00:34:44,180 What do you want me to do about it? Well, talk to him. 675 00:34:44,180 --> 00:34:46,940 I mean, it will help... the restaurant. 676 00:34:47,980 --> 00:34:49,380 Oh, joy 677 00:34:53,060 --> 00:34:54,860 Red snapper. Where's that from? 678 00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:56,860 The Gulf of Mexico, I believe. 679 00:34:56,860 --> 00:34:59,740 There's also some great British produce, right, James? 680 00:34:59,740 --> 00:35:02,060 The odd cheese, I suppose. 681 00:35:02,060 --> 00:35:05,500 Australian barramundi. New Zealand lamb. 682 00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:09,340 Oh, I see you're offering mangosteen from Thailand. 683 00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:12,140 It's an extensive menu of fine dining. 684 00:35:12,140 --> 00:35:16,100 An extensive global menu that's clocking up the air miles and CO2 emissions. 685 00:35:16,100 --> 00:35:18,260 I think you'll find we're no more profligate 686 00:35:18,260 --> 00:35:20,980 than any other Michelin-starred restaurant, Mr Carrick. 687 00:35:20,980 --> 00:35:23,380 Which is no excuse for complacency. 688 00:35:25,140 --> 00:35:28,420 Oh, I can see I'm gonna be here for some considerable time. 689 00:35:28,420 --> 00:35:32,660 I suppose I should find somewhere nearby to stay overnight. 690 00:35:32,660 --> 00:35:34,500 Why don't we organise a room for you here? 691 00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:35,620 I don't think so! 692 00:35:35,620 --> 00:35:38,660 We're eager to facilitate this process in any way we can. 693 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:41,180 Well... 694 00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:42,980 Have the room for as long as you like. 695 00:35:42,980 --> 00:35:45,660 Emily, if you'd like to get Mr Carrick checked in. 696 00:35:45,660 --> 00:35:48,740 Superior room. Yes. This way, please, Mr Carrick. 697 00:35:57,980 --> 00:35:59,460 Checking up on me? 698 00:35:59,460 --> 00:36:02,700 No, I... I just came to apologise. 699 00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:04,940 It was a crappy thing I did and I'm sorry. 700 00:36:04,940 --> 00:36:06,980 It's all right. 701 00:36:06,980 --> 00:36:10,460 I quite enjoyed people thinking I was the dad. It felt good. 702 00:36:10,460 --> 00:36:14,100 Well, I'm going to tell everyone you're not and let you off the hook. 703 00:36:16,180 --> 00:36:18,380 You don't have to. 704 00:36:18,380 --> 00:36:21,420 I mean, I've been playing along. It's cool. 705 00:36:23,420 --> 00:36:24,500 Really? 706 00:36:27,060 --> 00:36:31,660 All right. Well, er... just don't get any weird ideas, OK? 707 00:36:31,660 --> 00:36:33,100 OK, darling. 708 00:36:34,340 --> 00:36:35,820 Too much, right? 709 00:36:35,820 --> 00:36:37,620 WAY too much. 710 00:36:37,620 --> 00:36:39,100 Yeah. 711 00:36:42,060 --> 00:36:44,100 HE CHUCKLES 712 00:36:44,100 --> 00:36:45,340 Whoo! 713 00:36:45,340 --> 00:36:46,860 "ROCKY THEME" PLAYS 714 00:36:46,860 --> 00:36:48,340 Want some more, eh? 715 00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:51,220 Want some more of Gino the Bull? 716 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:54,100 In the red corner, the Bull! 717 00:36:54,100 --> 00:36:56,380 Round two. Pow! Pow! 718 00:36:56,380 --> 00:36:59,820 Look at the Bull go. Look at him go. He's gonna kill him. 719 00:36:59,820 --> 00:37:03,460 He'll kill him. Bah! Bah! Dah! Gino! 720 00:37:03,460 --> 00:37:06,700 Gino! Gino! Gino! Gino! 721 00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:08,340 MUSIC WINDS DOWN 722 00:37:09,740 --> 00:37:11,340 CLEARS THROAT 723 00:37:11,340 --> 00:37:13,100 So, I heard about the brawl in reception. 724 00:37:13,100 --> 00:37:15,540 Somebody said that you were... What was it? 725 00:37:15,540 --> 00:37:18,380 .. slapping like a girl. What? 726 00:37:18,380 --> 00:37:19,860 Look, I'll have you know, 727 00:37:19,860 --> 00:37:21,900 when I was a young man, I was a boxer, eh? 728 00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:24,740 Punched in the head repeatedly as a youth. 729 00:37:24,740 --> 00:37:26,380 Explains a lot. 730 00:37:30,180 --> 00:37:32,780 Emily, what room is that inspector in? 731 00:37:32,780 --> 00:37:34,980 Oh... 301. Why? 732 00:37:34,980 --> 00:37:36,380 Thought so. 733 00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:39,620 Room service. Lobster? 734 00:37:39,620 --> 00:37:42,900 Green-lipped mussels? Mozambique lobster, 735 00:37:42,900 --> 00:37:46,380 Norwegian mussels and a very fine French champagne. 736 00:37:46,380 --> 00:37:49,420 You look closely, the cracks always start to show. 737 00:37:49,420 --> 00:37:51,900 I am gonna have him monitored overnight. 738 00:37:54,860 --> 00:37:57,020 But everyone's got secrets. Good night. 739 00:37:57,020 --> 00:37:58,980 You must have some dirt to dish on them. 740 00:37:58,980 --> 00:38:01,740 I can't tell you. But you tell me everything. 741 00:38:03,220 --> 00:38:04,540 Hang on. 742 00:38:08,940 --> 00:38:13,060 What's that? Well, they made me sign a confidentiality agreement, 743 00:38:13,060 --> 00:38:17,060 so if I do one with you, then I can tell you anything, right? Bring it on. 744 00:38:25,340 --> 00:38:26,820 OK. 745 00:38:26,820 --> 00:38:28,980 OK. 746 00:38:28,980 --> 00:38:30,980 Now spill the beans. 747 00:38:30,980 --> 00:38:34,780 The Martyns... are getting a divorce. 748 00:38:34,780 --> 00:38:35,940 No! Yeah. 749 00:38:35,940 --> 00:38:37,020 No! 750 00:38:46,100 --> 00:38:47,700 Can I help you, madam? 751 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:51,460 I'm sure you could. Unfortunately, I'm here to meet a friend. 752 00:38:51,460 --> 00:38:53,740 If you ask at the front desk, they'll help you find him. 753 00:38:53,740 --> 00:38:55,220 Thanks. 754 00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:01,980 What's the world record for owning and then losing a hotel? 755 00:39:01,980 --> 00:39:03,980 Whatever it is, I'm sure you're in the running. 756 00:39:05,980 --> 00:39:08,900 Given the chance, I could've made a pretty good fist of this place. 757 00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:11,180 Come on, Sam, you've been down before. 758 00:39:11,180 --> 00:39:15,340 Yeah, but I've usually had some assets tucked away somewhere before. 759 00:39:15,340 --> 00:39:16,660 But this time... 760 00:39:16,660 --> 00:39:18,300 You've always loved a challenge. 761 00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:20,020 Carlton says that's why I married you. 762 00:39:20,020 --> 00:39:23,420 And Carlton's a real expert on relationships, isn't he? 763 00:39:23,420 --> 00:39:26,580 You've really got it in for him, haven't you? 764 00:39:26,580 --> 00:39:28,940 He made a pass at me when we were married. 765 00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:33,900 When? 766 00:39:33,900 --> 00:39:35,380 You were in Scandinavia 767 00:39:35,380 --> 00:39:39,100 trying to get that bottled water business off the ground 768 00:39:39,100 --> 00:39:42,660 and he called round and took me out. 769 00:39:42,660 --> 00:39:47,180 I think he thought as he'd forked out for dinner that I owed him something. 770 00:39:48,940 --> 00:39:50,900 And on that happy note... 771 00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:59,340 .. I'm gonna get some sleep. You don't fancy another? 772 00:40:00,700 --> 00:40:03,100 No. I'll see you tomorrow. 773 00:40:20,740 --> 00:40:22,220 HE SIGHS 774 00:40:25,060 --> 00:40:26,540 ERIN HUFFS 775 00:40:30,300 --> 00:40:33,020 I thought we were gonna have a moratorium on this subject 776 00:40:33,020 --> 00:40:34,500 for the duration of the party. 777 00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:36,860 You'd like that, wouldn't you? Sweep it under the carpet. 778 00:40:36,860 --> 00:40:39,060 We're never gonna agree about custody, are we? 779 00:40:39,060 --> 00:40:41,340 Well, not until you stop trying to screw me over, no! 780 00:40:41,340 --> 00:40:43,660 Please, don't use the word "screw" in relation to you and I. 781 00:40:43,660 --> 00:40:45,140 It makes me feel unwell. 782 00:40:45,140 --> 00:40:48,460 You're trying to reduce the amount of time I get to spend with Tyler, 783 00:40:48,460 --> 00:40:50,620 which I will not stand for, you poisonous... 784 00:40:50,620 --> 00:40:54,540 Hi. Matt! Jody! Glad you could make it. 785 00:40:54,540 --> 00:40:57,220 Hi! Oh, lipstick, sorry. Catch up with you in a bit. 786 00:40:57,220 --> 00:40:58,980 I will never back down over this. 787 00:40:58,980 --> 00:41:01,660 That's why I made a decision last night. About what? 788 00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:04,900 I've had an offer from the US to set up a media branch of our business there. 789 00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:07,820 Phoned my lawyers first thing this morning, told them it was a goer. 790 00:41:07,820 --> 00:41:12,100 Hi. Glad you could make it. Sergio! Come vai? Tutto posto? 791 00:41:12,100 --> 00:41:13,660 Great to see you. 792 00:41:13,660 --> 00:41:16,260 Tyler and I will be splitting our time between here and the States. 793 00:41:16,260 --> 00:41:20,220 Been planning this all along, haven't you? You selfish, conniving bitch! 794 00:41:20,220 --> 00:41:22,820 Oh, I'm so glad you could come! Hi, Jacob! 795 00:41:22,820 --> 00:41:25,660 What a surprise. I didn't think you'd make it. Great to see you. 796 00:41:25,660 --> 00:41:28,540 CHATTER 797 00:41:29,460 --> 00:41:31,900 One, two, three, four, and four more. 798 00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:34,140 DRUM ROLL, UPBEAT MUSIC 799 00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:37,580 ALL CHEER AND LAUGH 800 00:41:51,540 --> 00:41:53,780 The hand is definitely fractured? Afraid so. 801 00:41:53,780 --> 00:41:55,780 So I'm gonna have to instruct my lawyers 802 00:41:55,780 --> 00:41:57,780 to start legal proceedings against the hotel. 803 00:41:57,780 --> 00:41:59,700 Don't do this. I don't have a choice. 804 00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:02,180 Carlton, we've been friends for years. 805 00:42:02,180 --> 00:42:05,300 Listen, Sam, there is no way I can absorb these costs myself, OK? 806 00:42:05,300 --> 00:42:08,180 And the bottom line is you messed up. 807 00:42:14,420 --> 00:42:17,740 All right, look, the only possible alternative I can think of 808 00:42:17,740 --> 00:42:20,620 is if we come to some agreement. 809 00:42:20,620 --> 00:42:22,940 Settle out of court? 810 00:42:22,940 --> 00:42:24,820 Did you have a figure in mind? 811 00:42:24,820 --> 00:42:27,460 It's gotta be a figure I'm happy with. Of course it has. 812 00:42:27,460 --> 00:42:29,140 Hey, Jules, I'm reaching out here. 813 00:42:29,140 --> 00:42:32,500 You're all heart I'm the wronged bloody party! 814 00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:35,260 Tell me something I DON'T know. OK, can I make a suggestion? 815 00:42:35,260 --> 00:42:38,700 Can I suggest you piss off and let Sam and I deal with this ourselves? 816 00:42:38,700 --> 00:42:40,700 Did you just tell Juliet to piss off? 817 00:42:40,700 --> 00:42:42,420 Yes, I did. Sound advice. 818 00:42:42,420 --> 00:42:43,940 Why don't I make a suggestion? 819 00:42:43,940 --> 00:42:49,300 If you're gonna sue me, then let's do it through the proper channels. 820 00:42:52,740 --> 00:42:55,580 Sam, you are making a HUGE mistake. 821 00:42:55,580 --> 00:42:58,460 No, I made a huge mistake thinking you were someone I could trust. 822 00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:01,780 DOOR CLOSES 823 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:11,740 So it's only fair that I keep you all in the loop. 824 00:43:11,740 --> 00:43:13,540 We may well be taken to court over this, 825 00:43:13,540 --> 00:43:15,740 and if we are, it could turn nasty. 826 00:43:15,740 --> 00:43:17,900 I don't remember seeing Morrison throw a punch. 827 00:43:17,900 --> 00:43:19,580 What? 828 00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:21,940 Well, I'm trying to work out when he actually hurt his hand, 829 00:43:21,940 --> 00:43:24,540 and I don't remember seeing him throw a right. 830 00:43:24,540 --> 00:43:26,020 Look, he must have done. 831 00:43:26,020 --> 00:43:27,940 He's soft, anyway. 832 00:43:27,940 --> 00:43:30,060 I shook his hand when he first arrive, 833 00:43:30,060 --> 00:43:31,820 and he cry like a baby. 834 00:43:31,820 --> 00:43:33,980 Gino is, er, stronger than he know. 835 00:43:33,980 --> 00:43:35,980 Show me how you shook it. 836 00:43:35,980 --> 00:43:37,900 Like this. 837 00:43:38,900 --> 00:43:40,180 Oh! 838 00:43:40,180 --> 00:43:42,100 Yeah, OK, that's like a limp lettuce. 839 00:43:42,100 --> 00:43:44,140 Hey! How could that have hurt him? 840 00:43:44,140 --> 00:43:46,140 CRIES OUT 841 00:43:46,140 --> 00:43:48,220 He had it cocked, but he never actually threw it. 842 00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:50,740 What, you're an expert on boxing, all of a sudden? 843 00:43:50,740 --> 00:43:52,540 I had an ex-boyfriend who was a boxer. 844 00:43:53,780 --> 00:43:55,260 You went out with a boxer? 845 00:43:55,260 --> 00:43:57,980 I didn't go into a nunnery after our divorce. 846 00:43:57,980 --> 00:44:01,940 What was he? Middleweight? Light welter? 847 00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:03,100 Does it matter? 848 00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:05,060 No. Not to me. No. 849 00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,980 Do you think that Morrison hurt his hand before he got here? 850 00:44:07,980 --> 00:44:09,540 There's a good chance, yeah. 851 00:44:09,540 --> 00:44:10,900 Ah! 852 00:44:15,620 --> 00:44:18,380 Carlton, just the man we wanted to see. 853 00:44:18,380 --> 00:44:19,740 Notified your lawyers yet? 854 00:44:19,740 --> 00:44:22,380 We thought we'd give you a chance to explain yourself first. 855 00:44:22,380 --> 00:44:23,540 Explain myself? 856 00:44:23,540 --> 00:44:27,020 Is this your pathetic attempt to try and wheedle out of being sued? 857 00:44:27,020 --> 00:44:29,060 No, it's our way of saying we know what you did. 858 00:44:32,860 --> 00:44:35,140 When did you injure your hand, Don? 859 00:44:35,140 --> 00:44:37,540 It wasn't last night, was it? 860 00:44:37,540 --> 00:44:39,660 Seriously, you are wasting your time. 861 00:44:39,660 --> 00:44:41,580 Something to hide, Carlton? 862 00:44:41,580 --> 00:44:45,620 You knew Gomez was staying here before you came, didn't you? 863 00:44:45,620 --> 00:44:47,620 What did Carlton tell you? 864 00:44:47,620 --> 00:44:49,780 What did he offer you to carry out the con? 865 00:44:49,780 --> 00:44:52,220 All right, look, I want you out of my room now. 866 00:44:52,220 --> 00:44:53,740 It's not your room, it's mine. 867 00:44:53,740 --> 00:44:56,020 Not for much longer, mate, if things go my way. 868 00:44:56,020 --> 00:44:58,780 I understand why a devious slug like Carlton would do this, 869 00:44:58,780 --> 00:45:02,380 but you don't strike me as a dishonest person. 870 00:45:02,380 --> 00:45:03,860 I'm not. 871 00:45:03,860 --> 00:45:07,140 You're a champion, a great sportsman. You believe in fair play! 872 00:45:07,140 --> 00:45:08,620 Oh, please! 873 00:45:08,620 --> 00:45:10,980 Don... 874 00:45:10,980 --> 00:45:14,500 think about this very carefully. 875 00:45:15,980 --> 00:45:17,820 Remember what's at stake. 876 00:45:17,820 --> 00:45:20,900 Carlton's priorities lie solely with himself. 877 00:45:22,820 --> 00:45:24,860 When did you injure your hand? 878 00:45:24,860 --> 00:45:26,900 Honestly. 879 00:45:29,220 --> 00:45:30,700 A month ago. 880 00:45:31,860 --> 00:45:34,300 I'll call Jake Samuels, see where we stand media-wise. 881 00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:35,780 Juliet, it's started. 882 00:45:35,780 --> 00:45:38,780 I've already been fielding calls from the press about a brawl in a hotel. 883 00:45:38,780 --> 00:45:41,100 Then organise a press conference for Don Morrison 884 00:45:41,100 --> 00:45:42,860 to appease the journos for the time being. 885 00:45:42,860 --> 00:45:44,420 OK. Emily! 886 00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:48,180 Sorry. Did you have a chance to tell Sam about our eco-warrior's room service order? 887 00:45:48,180 --> 00:45:49,900 Yes. Has anything else happened? 888 00:45:49,900 --> 00:45:52,660 Well, he had told me that he wanted to do a random inspection today. 889 00:45:52,660 --> 00:45:56,940 Which is odd, because Tanya says he hasn't taken the "do not disturb" sign off his door. 890 00:45:56,940 --> 00:45:59,620 Fine. We should disturb him. 891 00:46:07,060 --> 00:46:08,540 LOCK BEEPS 892 00:46:10,900 --> 00:46:12,340 Mr Carrick? 893 00:46:13,500 --> 00:46:15,780 He's used every towel in the hotel. 894 00:46:15,780 --> 00:46:18,420 The air conditioning's on full blast. Windows are open. 895 00:46:18,420 --> 00:46:21,980 You are so clever, squeezing a whole night out of them! 896 00:46:21,980 --> 00:46:25,940 SQUEALING AND GIGGLING 897 00:46:28,700 --> 00:46:30,580 Oh! 898 00:46:32,780 --> 00:46:36,740 You had me running round like a blue-arsed fly, and for what? I really am sorry, 899 00:46:36,740 --> 00:46:40,980 but you should see some of the dumps I usually have to inspect. 900 00:46:40,980 --> 00:46:45,340 I just thought one night of luxury to compensate for the other 300-odd 901 00:46:45,340 --> 00:46:48,940 spent in lumpy beds with migraine-inducing wallpaper. 902 00:46:48,940 --> 00:46:52,500 So what are you going to rate us? I think I can guarantee you 903 00:46:52,500 --> 00:46:54,220 a four-point rating. 904 00:46:54,220 --> 00:46:57,580 Huh! No-one gets five! 905 00:46:57,580 --> 00:46:58,700 SQUEALS 906 00:47:01,180 --> 00:47:02,580 Thanks. 907 00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:08,620 Now, I'm not going to bore you with a long speech. 908 00:47:08,620 --> 00:47:11,100 I'm going to bore you with a short one instead. 909 00:47:11,100 --> 00:47:13,460 POLITE LAUGHTER Thank you. 910 00:47:13,460 --> 00:47:18,420 Thank you, thank you all for coming and sharing this bleakest of moments 911 00:47:18,420 --> 00:47:21,220 where Ed and I topple headlong into our 40s. 912 00:47:21,220 --> 00:47:23,580 Argh! LAUGHTER 913 00:47:23,580 --> 00:47:25,860 Talking of whom, thanks, Ed, 914 00:47:25,860 --> 00:47:29,340 for 12 glorious years of marriage. 915 00:47:32,420 --> 00:47:35,740 And to our terrific son, Tyler. 916 00:47:35,740 --> 00:47:39,100 Aw! I love you both very, very much. 917 00:47:39,100 --> 00:47:43,340 Now, as you all know, Ed's a bit of a nerd - 918 00:47:43,340 --> 00:47:45,580 a poetry nerd. 919 00:47:46,580 --> 00:47:50,460 So I asked him to write us a bit of a poem for our birthday, 920 00:47:50,460 --> 00:47:52,420 and in a moment of utter madness 921 00:47:52,420 --> 00:47:54,860 and with the promise of various sexual favours, 922 00:47:54,860 --> 00:47:56,340 he agreed. 923 00:47:57,380 --> 00:48:02,060 So before he becomes too incapable, over to you, darling! 924 00:48:03,060 --> 00:48:05,140 Darling. Yes, darling. 925 00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:11,860 Thank you, darling. 926 00:48:11,860 --> 00:48:14,780 CLEARS THROAT 927 00:48:14,780 --> 00:48:19,260 "The end of love should be a big event. 928 00:48:19,260 --> 00:48:22,420 "It should involve the hiring of a hall. 929 00:48:22,420 --> 00:48:24,780 "Why the hell not? It happens to us all. 930 00:48:24,780 --> 00:48:28,580 "Why should it pass without acknowledgement? 931 00:48:28,580 --> 00:48:32,340 "Suits should be dry-cleaned, invitations sent. 932 00:48:32,340 --> 00:48:35,940 "Whatever form it takes - a tiff, a brawl - 933 00:48:35,940 --> 00:48:39,620 "The end of love should be a big event. 934 00:48:39,620 --> 00:48:42,580 "It should involve the hiring of a hall... " 935 00:48:42,580 --> 00:48:43,740 ERIN LAUGHS 936 00:48:43,740 --> 00:48:46,180 ".. Better than the unquestioning descent 937 00:48:46,180 --> 00:48:49,940 "Into the trap of silence, than the crawl 938 00:48:49,940 --> 00:48:55,420 "From visible to hidden, from door to wall. " 939 00:48:56,900 --> 00:48:58,820 Thank you. 940 00:48:58,820 --> 00:49:01,460 As you've probably gathered, that's not one of mine. 941 00:49:01,460 --> 00:49:05,060 It's by Sophie Hannah. A little more appropriate, though. 942 00:49:11,820 --> 00:49:15,420 Let's give him a great big round of applause. He likes those. 943 00:49:22,980 --> 00:49:24,100 Ed? 944 00:49:24,100 --> 00:49:26,220 KNOCKING Tyler! 945 00:49:27,980 --> 00:49:31,620 I told him to come back inside, but he wouldn't. What? 946 00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:32,700 Blahhh! 947 00:49:33,980 --> 00:49:36,500 Ed, what on earth are you doing? 948 00:49:36,500 --> 00:49:39,140 Stay there. You're missing the party. 949 00:49:39,140 --> 00:49:40,860 Good. I hate parties. 950 00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:45,380 Where's Erin? She's downstairs still. 951 00:49:45,380 --> 00:49:48,380 Pouring oil on troubled waters? CHUCKLES 952 00:49:48,380 --> 00:49:49,500 That's my girl. 953 00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:52,340 Why don't you go back downstairs... Stay there! 954 00:49:52,340 --> 00:49:54,860 Save the full-blown breakdown for tomorrow morning. 955 00:49:54,860 --> 00:49:57,420 She's toying with me. 956 00:49:57,420 --> 00:49:59,940 I don't stand a chance of getting custody, 957 00:49:59,940 --> 00:50:04,060 because between her and her hot-shot lawyers, she'll freeze me out. 958 00:50:04,060 --> 00:50:07,140 So how is being drunk and abusive gonna help your cause? 959 00:50:08,700 --> 00:50:12,380 Ed, be careful! This is the seventh floor, for God's sake! 960 00:50:12,380 --> 00:50:15,980 What, between the devil and the deep blue sea? 961 00:50:15,980 --> 00:50:17,740 Argh! Ed! 962 00:50:17,740 --> 00:50:22,420 I'm just testing you. How many of those have you got? 963 00:50:24,460 --> 00:50:25,940 What's wrong with him? 964 00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:29,940 He's just a little bit tired and emotional, that's all. Right, Ed? 965 00:50:29,940 --> 00:50:32,620 Tired is right. 966 00:50:32,620 --> 00:50:35,300 Sick and bloody tired. 967 00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:37,340 Ed! Mum! 968 00:50:37,340 --> 00:50:38,620 Tyler! Oh, right on cue! 969 00:50:38,620 --> 00:50:40,380 He's a selfish sod. I'm gonna kill him. 970 00:50:40,380 --> 00:50:42,460 You stay in there, you! 971 00:50:42,460 --> 00:50:45,140 What the hell are you doing? 972 00:50:45,140 --> 00:50:47,980 And what was all that about downstairs? 973 00:50:47,980 --> 00:50:51,980 Have you any idea how hard it's been convincing people nothing's wrong? 974 00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:53,220 Then don't. 975 00:50:53,220 --> 00:50:55,460 We agreed how we were gonna work this. 976 00:50:55,460 --> 00:50:57,180 But it's all bullshit! 977 00:50:57,180 --> 00:50:59,460 Well, this is it, Ed. Yeah? The end. 978 00:50:59,460 --> 00:51:02,580 Please! Don't do this! Yes, the bitter bloody end. 979 00:51:02,580 --> 00:51:05,460 You're a selfish bastard. So you're calling ME selfish? 980 00:51:05,460 --> 00:51:06,780 Yes, I bloody am. 981 00:51:06,780 --> 00:51:08,700 Right, stop! Just stop it now! 982 00:51:10,220 --> 00:51:13,340 All I've heard from both of you is how bad YOU'RE feeling 983 00:51:13,340 --> 00:51:14,820 and what YOU want. 984 00:51:14,820 --> 00:51:17,220 But there is another person caught in the middle of this 985 00:51:17,220 --> 00:51:20,660 and if you'd stop for one second to think what HE wants or how HE'S feeling... 986 00:51:20,660 --> 00:51:24,020 Because I've been with Tyler less than 12 hours, 987 00:51:24,020 --> 00:51:27,060 and I can see that this is making him miserable. 988 00:51:27,060 --> 00:51:31,100 It is making you all really miserable. He doesn't understand what's going on. 989 00:51:31,100 --> 00:51:32,620 Oh, no, yes, he does, 990 00:51:32,620 --> 00:51:36,220 because he's had to listen to you every day for months! 991 00:51:36,220 --> 00:51:38,980 He understands better than you two idiots. 992 00:51:38,980 --> 00:51:41,500 So just talk to him. 993 00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:45,780 Find out what HE wants before it's too late. 994 00:51:45,780 --> 00:51:50,060 I know the first thing he wants is for you to get off that bloody wall. Get down! 995 00:51:53,540 --> 00:51:54,860 Right, now, get in! 996 00:51:59,580 --> 00:52:01,340 Now, sit down. 997 00:52:04,620 --> 00:52:06,380 Now... talk. 998 00:52:07,380 --> 00:52:10,060 I'm sorry. Sorry. 999 00:52:21,660 --> 00:52:24,220 Welcome, everyone. 1000 00:52:24,220 --> 00:52:27,540 I think we all agree that it's been an incredibly frustrating 1001 00:52:27,540 --> 00:52:30,020 and disappointing 24 hours 1002 00:52:30,020 --> 00:52:33,620 for boxing fans and for Mr Morrison in particular. 1003 00:52:33,620 --> 00:52:36,940 He has a prepared statement that he'd like to read out. 1004 00:52:40,460 --> 00:52:45,980 I apologise... to Fernando and his team, 1005 00:52:45,980 --> 00:52:47,420 to my team, 1006 00:52:47,420 --> 00:52:50,700 and most of all, to the fans. 1007 00:52:52,780 --> 00:52:54,780 I'm a fighter. 1008 00:52:54,780 --> 00:52:57,620 All I want to do is fight. 1009 00:52:57,620 --> 00:53:01,540 And I let myself be misled by a bad manager and... 1010 00:53:01,540 --> 00:53:03,860 I'm really sorry. 1011 00:53:08,260 --> 00:53:10,380 HE CRIES 1012 00:53:12,660 --> 00:53:14,780 HE SOBS 1013 00:53:19,060 --> 00:53:20,300 Thank you very much. 1014 00:53:29,660 --> 00:53:31,340 Oh! 1015 00:53:37,820 --> 00:53:39,900 .. Which means we aren't going to America, 1016 00:53:39,900 --> 00:53:41,540 so I can see Dad when I like. 1017 00:53:41,540 --> 00:53:43,340 Well, that's good. 1018 00:53:43,340 --> 00:53:45,740 If they're not happy, they should split up, right? 1019 00:53:45,740 --> 00:53:47,780 Yeah. I think so. 1020 00:53:47,780 --> 00:53:51,420 Here, you should have this - for when it gets too much in reception. 1021 00:53:51,420 --> 00:53:55,580 Thank you very much. Is it a boy or a girl? 1022 00:53:55,580 --> 00:53:57,140 Do you know, I have no idea. 1023 00:53:57,140 --> 00:53:59,380 Whatever it is, it's lucky. Why do you say that? 1024 00:53:59,380 --> 00:54:02,340 Because it'll have a good mum. 1025 00:54:02,340 --> 00:54:03,940 Do you think so? 1026 00:54:03,940 --> 00:54:06,340 If it all goes wrong with the dad, 1027 00:54:06,340 --> 00:54:08,740 promise you won't stay together just for the kid. 1028 00:54:09,740 --> 00:54:11,580 OK, I promise. 1029 00:54:12,460 --> 00:54:14,180 You sure you're only 11? 1030 00:54:14,180 --> 00:54:16,580 Right, so how do we kill zombies? 1031 00:54:18,700 --> 00:54:21,660 Yeah, so maybe we're missing a trick here. 1032 00:54:21,660 --> 00:54:23,940 I mean, after we release the news of the divorce, 1033 00:54:23,940 --> 00:54:27,900 we could rebrand, become The Ed Martyn And Erin King Show, 1034 00:54:27,900 --> 00:54:29,860 aimed at the newly separated parent. 1035 00:54:29,860 --> 00:54:33,220 Looking at how you nurture as single parents, seeing both points of view. 1036 00:54:33,220 --> 00:54:35,580 That's good. I'll phone Pete, set up a meeting. 1037 00:54:35,580 --> 00:54:39,020 Great. Actually, it's very, very good. 1038 00:54:39,020 --> 00:54:41,220 I think you may need this a little bit longer. 1039 00:55:00,660 --> 00:55:02,980 I do hope you enjoyed your stay, Mr Carrick. 1040 00:55:02,980 --> 00:55:05,140 It's been such a pleasure. 1041 00:55:07,140 --> 00:55:10,020 Um, aren't you forgetting something, Mr Carrick? 1042 00:55:32,220 --> 00:55:34,780 'Running a hotel is no walk in the park, believe me. 1043 00:55:34,780 --> 00:55:40,260 'It takes dedication, application and above all, admitting your mistakes. ' 1044 00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:45,660 I thought you were keen to gain that certificate. 1045 00:55:45,660 --> 00:55:48,020 What's it gonna do except attract a lot more picky people 1046 00:55:48,020 --> 00:55:49,740 in organic socks and edible shoes? 1047 00:55:49,740 --> 00:55:51,260 Oh, hear, hear! 1048 00:55:51,260 --> 00:55:53,220 OK, everyone, let's get back to work. 1049 00:55:54,540 --> 00:55:55,980 Sorry. 1050 00:55:55,980 --> 00:55:58,620 I really think this could work, don't you? 1051 00:55:58,620 --> 00:56:02,340 You need to get to meetings on time, run new ideas past me first, 1052 00:56:02,340 --> 00:56:04,700 be open and straight about any planned changes 1053 00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:06,660 and let me run my team. 1054 00:56:06,660 --> 00:56:08,940 Does that mean you're gonna stay? For the time being. 1055 00:56:08,940 --> 00:56:10,180 Thank you. 1056 00:56:10,180 --> 00:56:12,580 There's a long way to go, Sam. Don't thank me yet. 1057 00:56:15,620 --> 00:56:19,460 'When all's said and done, we need to learn to ask for help if we need it. ' 1058 00:56:21,340 --> 00:56:26,020 I just wanted to say if you need anyone to be around for you and the baby... 1059 00:56:27,340 --> 00:56:30,940 .. someone to get things, go to the shops, 1060 00:56:30,940 --> 00:56:33,580 buy nappies and stuff. 1061 00:56:33,580 --> 00:56:35,180 What, like a servant? 1062 00:56:35,180 --> 00:56:36,740 I suppose. 1063 00:56:36,740 --> 00:56:39,020 Yeah. Mmm. 1064 00:56:42,420 --> 00:56:43,900 Thank you. 1065 00:56:46,260 --> 00:56:47,740 Er, thank you... 1066 00:56:49,300 --> 00:56:52,340 .. for making me the dad. 1067 00:56:54,540 --> 00:56:56,020 Tea, milk, no sugar. 1068 00:56:56,020 --> 00:56:58,020 Yeah? 1069 00:57:02,660 --> 00:57:06,340 What you think? He the daddy? 1070 00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:10,900 I think I'd put you higher up my hit list, and that's saying something. 1071 00:57:16,700 --> 00:57:18,380 Oh. You all right? 1072 00:57:18,380 --> 00:57:19,780 Yes. It's kicking. 1073 00:57:19,780 --> 00:57:21,740 Here. 1074 00:57:26,540 --> 00:57:30,380 So... are you ready to come clean yet? 1075 00:57:30,380 --> 00:57:31,660 What? 1076 00:57:31,660 --> 00:57:34,260 I mean, we all know that Darren's not the dad. 1077 00:57:35,140 --> 00:57:38,220 And as I am the most trustworthy and reliable person here, 1078 00:57:38,220 --> 00:57:40,180 and because you're dying to tell somebody... 1079 00:57:41,540 --> 00:57:43,060 .. why don't you tell me? 1080 00:57:43,060 --> 00:57:46,940 'Because it's all very well being strong and self-reliant, 1081 00:57:46,940 --> 00:57:49,220 'but some secrets are impossible to keep. ' 1082 00:57:49,220 --> 00:57:51,580 OK. OK. 1083 00:58:03,540 --> 00:58:05,060 Who is Harold Kelly? 1084 00:58:05,060 --> 00:58:06,740 Harold stole 12 cut emeralds 1085 00:58:06,740 --> 00:58:08,660 which he claims he hid somewhere in the hotel. 1086 00:58:08,660 --> 00:58:11,300 It's a hoax. You really think there's buried treasure here? 1087 00:58:11,300 --> 00:58:15,380 I don't like the look of you. You remind me of Errol Flynn. Bastard! 1088 00:58:15,380 --> 00:58:17,420 You sure you'll be OK? Got ages to go.... Oh! 1089 00:58:17,420 --> 00:58:19,980 My waters just broke! Two men have been killed in the hotel. 1090 00:58:19,980 --> 00:58:21,420 SCREAMS 1091 00:58:21,420 --> 00:58:23,820 I've come home to die. But there's so much to live for. 1092 00:58:23,820 --> 00:58:26,060 Where are you? You ain't half picked a day for it. 1093 00:58:26,060 --> 00:58:29,260 Just need a bit of time just to get my head round all of this. 1094 00:58:50,180 --> 00:58:53,220 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 1095 00:58:53,270 --> 00:58:57,820 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 86224

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