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1
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[church organ playing]
2
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,742
3
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,743
Look at Aunt Eva.
4
00:00:10,743 --> 00:00:12,345
That hat is awful.
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,013
Mm.
6
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,015
And the crying, Jesus.
7
00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:17,984
Are you buying it?
8
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,819
I'm on the fence.
9
00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:21,087
She did take acting lessons.
10
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,322
Yeah, from who?
11
00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,963
Move it along, Jack.
You didn't even like him.
12
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,031
Dad owed him money.
13
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,400
- How much?
- $14.
14
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,238
He sent me some cryptic
invoice in the mail.
15
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,772
Did you pay it?
16
00:00:39,772 --> 00:00:41,674
No.
17
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,443
He'll get his money's
worth at the buffet later.
18
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,279
Is he going for the cuff links?
19
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:50,049
I had 'em glued on.
20
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,051
Mom's turn.
21
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:53,720
[sighs]
22
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,989
This will be interesting.
23
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,925
24
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,030
And didn't even try.
25
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,999
I actually respect that.
26
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,034
When's the last time you spoke?
27
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:09,969
We e-mailed in June.
28
00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,672
- Unbelievable.
- Thank you.
29
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,274
Please never do that to me.
30
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,742
Fine.
31
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,777
Oh, honey, he was so blessed
32
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,146
to have kids like you.
33
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:24,317
You know he's smiling
down on you from heaven.
34
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:27,387
That is so kind.
35
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:30,223
If he's smiling, it's 'cause
he's looking down her shirt.
36
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:34,694
Why are all old people
obsessed with heaven?
37
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,362
If all they have left
to look forward to.
38
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:39,299
Come on, let's get this over with.
39
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,302
[organ music continues]
40
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:46,172
41
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,408
Are those all his girlfriends?
42
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,842
Just the latest bunch.
43
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,778
Mm. Surprisingly well-behaved.
44
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,913
They think they're in the will?
45
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:57,913
46
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,253
He looks bloated.
47
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,755
Not enough embalming fluid.
48
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,223
How did they fuck that up?
49
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:08,223
I mean, this is how
people will remember him.
50
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,830
He'll be forgotten in a week.
51
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,170
Do you hear that?
52
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,173
[organ swells]
53
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:24,173
54
00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:29,782
Sonny boy.
55
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,751
How's about a beer for you old man?
56
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,286
[sharp inhale]
57
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,857
(female) Did you have a bad dream?
58
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,459
[exhale]
59
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,894
Only that I woke up and you were gone.
60
00:02:41,894 --> 00:02:46,065
[snickers] You did not.
61
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:50,065
You're right, my real
dream was much worse.
62
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:55,337
[exhales] I had fun tonight.
63
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,311
Me too.
64
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:01,147
Let's go out again.
65
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,015
Nothing's open this late.
66
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:05,017
Go back to sleep, babe.
67
00:03:05,017 --> 00:03:06,219
[kisses]
68
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,061
[water churning]
69
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,981
[soft instrumental music]
70
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:38,981
71
00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:52,191
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxxwww.addic7ed.com
72
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,442
[exhales]
73
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,868
Walk of shame.
74
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:30,903
I offered her a t-shirt.
75
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:32,672
You could have offered her a ride.
76
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,373
Please. I got her an Uber.
77
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,008
What a gentleman.
78
00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,744
Speaking of gentlemen.
79
00:04:38,744 --> 00:04:40,413
Should I make another omelet?
80
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,149
He slipped out discretely.
81
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,685
Nicely done.
82
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,053
Come on, Laura.
83
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,888
How you feeling?
84
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,357
Fine, you don't have to
ask me that every morning.
85
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,359
I'm excited about tonight.
86
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,328
I know you are.
87
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:03,669
[sighs]
88
00:05:07,673 --> 00:05:10,309
It's hard for me to describe.
89
00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:12,144
It's something kind of fucked-up.
90
00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:15,014
Good. That's my specialty.
91
00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:18,150
It's just... I've been dreaming
92
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:21,387
about fucking my dad.
93
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:24,390
Er, my dad fucking me, technically.
94
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,093
Mm, that's quite an image
95
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,195
to wake up from.
96
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:32,064
How has communication
been with your father?
97
00:05:32,064 --> 00:05:34,834
Whoa, I don't want to fuck my dad!
98
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,336
Okay.
99
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,906
I mean...
100
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,874
Do I wanna fuck my dad?
101
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:45,945
I don't know, Tom. Do you?
102
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:47,213
No.
103
00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:51,150
Well, I think you have your answer.
104
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,786
Am I gay then? Is that what it means?
105
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,857
Are you attracted to men?
106
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,859
No.
107
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,129
Well, then you're probably not gay.
108
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,132
Okay.
109
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,366
Then what the fuck?
110
00:06:07,366 --> 00:06:10,336
Exactly, what the fuck.
111
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,271
Just the same question
we've been asking our dreams
112
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:16,075
since... ancient Egyptians, really.
113
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,977
Uh, you know, Freud believes that...
114
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,446
Look, I know your job is to be abstract,
115
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,181
but I need something more concrete.
116
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:24,817
Can you please just tell
me what my dream means?
117
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,122
[sighs] All right, Tom,
118
00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:32,792
many people struggle with
the concept of wanting
119
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:36,128
to make their parents proud,
it's genetic from birth.
120
00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:38,230
We need their affection
and their approval
121
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,766
in order to survive.
122
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:44,070
So, your unconscious has
found a very colorful way
123
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,906
of painting one of the
oldest ones in the book.
124
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,179
You want to please your father.
125
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,085
[chuckles]
126
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:04,190
If anyone calls, uh,
just say I'm in a session.
127
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:07,393
Will do.
128
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,128
You ever online date?
129
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,896
Sure.
130
00:07:10,896 --> 00:07:14,767
Um, do you do any prep,
or just go in blind, or...
131
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,103
I do my research. I
don't have a death wish.
132
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,772
So, you mean on Facebook?
133
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:23,976
Yes, on Facebook and Instagram,
Twitter, Linkedin, Vine, LuLu,
134
00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:25,711
Match, OkCupid...
135
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,013
Oh, God.
136
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,281
You didn't look him up?
137
00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:32,051
What if he's awful like a serial killer.
138
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,053
[whispers] Or Armenian.
139
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,255
Oh, I wanna study you.
140
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:37,456
People always say that.
141
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:40,159
Okay.
142
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,994
How do I look?
143
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:44,030
- Honestly.
- Uh, yeah.
144
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,731
If doesn't fuck you, I will,
145
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:47,299
and you don't even
have to buy me dinner.
146
00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:49,402
Thanks, Leia.
147
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,237
I won't go down on you, though.
I did that once to a girlfriend
148
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,972
in college and got bronchitis,
so it would have to be
149
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,972
like a strap-on situation
or like scissors.
150
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,880
Okay.
151
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,082
Two very good options.
152
00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:09,564
Can you at least tell
me what we matched on?
153
00:08:09,564 --> 00:08:12,366
I constructed your profile
to maximize compatibility.
154
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:15,269
So, pictures, interests, personal info.
155
00:08:15,269 --> 00:08:17,572
To the men of snooger.com,
you are the ideal
156
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:19,507
36-year-old
woman.
157
00:08:19,507 --> 00:08:21,509
I am 39.
158
00:08:21,509 --> 00:08:22,844
You'll figure that out.
159
00:08:22,844 --> 00:08:25,813
[distant rock music]
160
00:08:25,813 --> 00:08:30,318
161
00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:32,220
- What?
- Your mom is still here.
162
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,155
So.
163
00:08:34,155 --> 00:08:36,357
Your uncle was watching
us in the hot tub.
164
00:08:36,357 --> 00:08:38,126
I seriously doubt that.
165
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,393
I saw him looking through the window.
166
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,562
- It was creepy.
- Who cares?
167
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:44,765
It's just weird, you all
living in this house together.
168
00:08:44,765 --> 00:08:47,602
It's not weird. He and
my mom are best friends,
169
00:08:47,602 --> 00:08:49,704
and he's really depressed.
170
00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:51,139
Seems all right.
171
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:52,807
Exactly, he tries to hide it,
172
00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:55,610
but I've seen his medicine cabinet.
173
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,545
Look, do you want to have sex or not?
174
00:09:00,848 --> 00:09:02,617
[knocking] Come in.
175
00:09:02,617 --> 00:09:04,519
Wait.
176
00:09:04,519 --> 00:09:07,488
Uh, we're um, uh, we're heading out.
177
00:09:07,488 --> 00:09:08,689
Okay.
178
00:09:08,689 --> 00:09:10,358
So, call if you need anything.
179
00:09:10,358 --> 00:09:11,859
- Okay.
- And don't mess with the DVR.
180
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,327
I'm recording an
episode of Man vs. Food.
181
00:09:13,327 --> 00:09:15,596
Okay.
182
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:16,831
Emile.
183
00:09:16,831 --> 00:09:18,232
Alex.
184
00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:25,673
Why were you watching them?
185
00:09:25,673 --> 00:09:27,341
They woke me up.
186
00:09:27,341 --> 00:09:29,477
I just wanted to make sure you knew.
187
00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:31,512
I've had her on the
pill since she was 12.
188
00:09:31,512 --> 00:09:33,114
I buy her condoms.
189
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,715
Magnums, I hope.
190
00:09:34,715 --> 00:09:36,584
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
191
00:09:36,584 --> 00:09:39,120
Huh, it's never the ones you expect.
192
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,289
It's like a soda can.
193
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,690
What are you jealous?
194
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:45,293
Of course, you want me to drive?
195
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,128
Uh, no, I don't mind.
196
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,663
If I drive, you can drink more.
197
00:09:48,663 --> 00:09:51,599
Alcohol's a proven libido strengthener.
198
00:09:51,599 --> 00:09:54,602
[soft instrumental music]
199
00:09:54,602 --> 00:09:58,602
200
00:10:10,851 --> 00:10:13,154
- You all right?
- Yes.
201
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,090
[lounge music]
202
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,328
[sighs] Is that him?
203
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,269
Valerie?
204
00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:30,438
- Ian.
- Wow.
205
00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,673
- Hi.
- You're really hot.
206
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,308
Thank you.
207
00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:35,610
I thought be based on your pictures,
208
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:36,877
but you never know.
209
00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,546
Oh, well.
210
00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:40,314
Some women have this weird obsession
211
00:10:40,314 --> 00:10:42,583
with trying to fix every little thing
212
00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:44,252
and it just looks bad.
213
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:48,089
Yes, I totally agree with that.
214
00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:50,224
And then here you are.
215
00:10:50,224 --> 00:10:52,093
Aging naturally and embracing it.
216
00:10:52,093 --> 00:10:54,762
So refreshing.
217
00:10:54,762 --> 00:10:56,464
Thank you.
218
00:10:56,464 --> 00:10:58,199
Hey, do you like scotch?
219
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:02,136
Um, not... not really. You?
220
00:11:02,136 --> 00:11:03,671
My dad used to put a shot
in my milk bottle every night
221
00:11:03,671 --> 00:11:05,139
before bed.
222
00:11:05,139 --> 00:11:07,508
Oh, sounds like child abuse.
223
00:11:07,508 --> 00:11:09,377
[laughs]
224
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,345
Is our a table ready?
225
00:11:11,345 --> 00:11:12,847
We have a risotto with
asparagus and morels
226
00:11:12,847 --> 00:11:14,282
toped with shaved white truffles
227
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,150
and lastly a Wild Alaskan Cod
228
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:18,119
cooked in lemon butter
and cooked over rice pilaf.
229
00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:20,454
I believe we have two
left if you're interested.
230
00:11:20,454 --> 00:11:22,290
- Ooh, I want that.
- Very good.
231
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,591
Oh, but I'll have the bacon burger,
232
00:11:23,591 --> 00:11:24,592
well done, no bun.
233
00:11:24,592 --> 00:11:26,427
And for you, sir?
234
00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:30,364
I'll try the cod.
235
00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:32,733
- What was that about?
- What?
236
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,502
Why didn't you get the cod?
237
00:11:34,502 --> 00:11:37,104
Oh, I'm Paleo. It's
why I'm drinking water.
238
00:11:37,104 --> 00:11:38,773
- Ah.
- I only consume foods
239
00:11:38,773 --> 00:11:41,242
that were available
during the Paleolithic Era.
240
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,210
They didn't have cod
during the Paleolithic Era?
241
00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:44,445
Not with lemon butter.
242
00:11:44,445 --> 00:11:47,348
Oh.
243
00:11:47,348 --> 00:11:48,616
It's healthier.
244
00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:50,217
A hamburger with bacon?
245
00:11:50,217 --> 00:11:51,786
Yeah. It's the bun that's bad for you.
246
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:54,388
Pretty sure that's not true, but okay.
247
00:11:54,388 --> 00:11:57,458
Cave men, they didn't eat
any processed grains or sugar
248
00:11:57,458 --> 00:12:00,161
and they lived much longer,
healthier lives than us.
249
00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:02,129
[laughs] Again, I'm pretty sure
250
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:04,465
that's not true, but I'm happy
251
00:12:04,465 --> 00:12:06,300
to move forward without an argument.
252
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,135
It's scientific. Like,
they've done studies.
253
00:12:08,135 --> 00:12:10,137
A guys told me about it at Cross-Fit.
254
00:12:14,575 --> 00:12:17,211
We lasted 16 years,
raised a daughter together
255
00:12:17,211 --> 00:12:21,211
and then, a month ago, he
left me for a younger woman.
256
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,318
That sucks.
257
00:12:24,318 --> 00:12:26,120
I mean, we have some problems,
but I thought we'd deal with it
258
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,790
when off to college, but
I guess he couldn't wait.
259
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,659
Yeah, I was married, too.
260
00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:33,728
Wish someone would have warned me.
261
00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:36,297
Oh, what happened?
262
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,600
- It didn't work out.
- I'm sorry.
263
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,369
It's hard, isn't it?
264
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:45,369
Yeah, but I try to
focus on what's working.
265
00:12:46,774 --> 00:12:49,510
43 as a guy, that's the sweet spot
266
00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:51,712
for dating.
267
00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:54,248
It's a positive way of looking at it.
268
00:12:54,248 --> 00:12:56,851
And everybody's in
line... 20s, 30s, 40s.
269
00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,586
It's almost too easy.
270
00:12:58,586 --> 00:13:00,588
So many options you have.
271
00:13:00,588 --> 00:13:04,125
So many options.
272
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:05,693
Oh, yeah, it's amazing.
273
00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:07,528
Online dating.
274
00:13:07,528 --> 00:13:08,829
You answer a couple questions,
the computer does its thing.
275
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,664
And now here we are.
276
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,233
So, you're a trainer?
277
00:13:12,233 --> 00:13:14,435
Master Fitness Instructor.
278
00:13:14,435 --> 00:13:16,837
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
279
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,539
Just kind of my pet peeve, you know?
280
00:13:18,539 --> 00:13:22,539
It's like when someone
calls a doctor "mister."
281
00:13:23,377 --> 00:13:25,079
So, what kind of classes
does one take to get a degree
282
00:13:25,079 --> 00:13:26,680
in fitness instruction.
283
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,680
I don't know. I was a
communications major.
284
00:13:31,318 --> 00:13:32,586
I've been thinking
about working out more,
285
00:13:32,586 --> 00:13:34,288
but I don't know.
286
00:13:34,288 --> 00:13:37,425
I think going to the gym give me PTSD.
287
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,194
My dad has PTSD.
288
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:43,330
He was in the war.
289
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:44,598
That's cool. Must have been fun
290
00:13:44,598 --> 00:13:48,502
to see the world.
291
00:13:48,502 --> 00:13:52,502
So, what do you do with you spare time.
292
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,876
Started a website
that's kinda taking off,
293
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,411
so I do that.
294
00:13:57,411 --> 00:13:58,612
Mostly I just hang out.
295
00:13:58,612 --> 00:14:00,147
What's the site?
296
00:14:00,147 --> 00:14:02,349
Snooter.com.
297
00:14:02,349 --> 00:14:05,719
- The site that set us up?
- Bingo.
298
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,455
You use your own dating site.
299
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,156
I wrote the matching algorithm.
300
00:14:09,156 --> 00:14:10,858
And does that algorithm
match you with any girl
301
00:14:10,858 --> 00:14:12,560
you find attractive.
302
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,762
Pretty much.
303
00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:16,730
So, you set us up.
304
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,632
Me, the site... it's
all the same really.
305
00:14:18,632 --> 00:14:21,268
Excuse me for just one second.
306
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,145
What's up?
307
00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:32,413
His favorite movie is Underworld.
308
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,714
With Kevin Costner?
309
00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:35,616
No, that's Waterworld.
310
00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:37,418
Which would be a step
up from Underworld.
311
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,653
He gets great ratings.
Women rave about him.
312
00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:41,655
Well, the women on you
website are subhuman.
313
00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:44,458
That's mean. And mostly not true.
314
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:45,693
How's yours going?
315
00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:48,229
She's a fitness freak. I hate her.
316
00:14:48,229 --> 00:14:49,630
We should go.
317
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:51,165
I think I'm going to
try to take her home.
318
00:14:51,165 --> 00:14:52,600
Why?
319
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,335
Well, the sex will
suck and she won't call,
320
00:14:54,335 --> 00:14:56,770
and the it'll be on her for
not putting in more effort.
321
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,305
- Jesus.
- You should try it.
322
00:14:58,305 --> 00:15:00,407
I am not gonna sleep
with that guy, okay?
323
00:15:00,407 --> 00:15:01,809
He smells like college.
324
00:15:01,809 --> 00:15:05,312
Hi!
325
00:15:05,312 --> 00:15:06,480
- Is everything all right?
- Yeah.
326
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,182
We were just finishing up.
327
00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:11,418
This is Alex. This is my brother.
328
00:15:11,418 --> 00:15:12,720
Sup?
329
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,255
Why is your brother here?
330
00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:16,357
- Um.
- I'm on a date.
331
00:15:16,357 --> 00:15:17,691
Do you always date at
the same restaurants.
332
00:15:17,691 --> 00:15:19,460
- Starting to, kind of.
- No, no, no.
333
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,563
Wow, and then you go in the
back and say hurtful things
334
00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:24,865
about the people you're with.
335
00:15:24,865 --> 00:15:26,367
I think you're reading too much into it.
336
00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:28,302
- No.
- Yeah, I use Old Spice.
337
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,371
It's a popular deodorant
and I like the smell.
338
00:15:30,371 --> 00:15:34,174
Hey, uh, sorry, didn't
mean to interrupt.
339
00:15:34,174 --> 00:15:35,609
Are you his date?
340
00:15:35,609 --> 00:15:36,877
Yeah.
341
00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:38,479
Kay, that's his sister
342
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,714
and they were
shit-talking us back here.
343
00:15:40,714 --> 00:15:43,150
What?
344
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,418
Yeah, he said I smell bad and he said
345
00:15:44,418 --> 00:15:46,287
you're a fitness freak.
346
00:15:46,287 --> 00:15:48,589
Caring about your body isn't
something to be ashamed of.
347
00:15:48,589 --> 00:15:50,090
Okay.
348
00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:51,358
Were you two hooked up on Snooger?
349
00:15:51,358 --> 00:15:52,760
Yeah.
350
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,495
Yeah, you're probably not compatible.
351
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,463
- He rigged the algorithm.
- I wrote the algorithm.
352
00:15:56,463 --> 00:15:58,399
- That's really dishonest.
- Online dating is dishonest.
353
00:15:58,399 --> 00:16:00,734
You put up you best pictures
and personality traits.
354
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:02,836
You lie about how much money you make,
355
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,338
how many partners you've had...
I've seen both your profiles.
356
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,140
They're filled with lies.
357
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:07,341
Do you like scotch?
358
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,742
I would drink anything right now.
359
00:16:08,742 --> 00:16:10,544
See, even your caveman diet's a lie.
360
00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:11,679
Fuck you.
361
00:16:15,449 --> 00:16:17,445
- Fine, we can leave.
- Thank you.
362
00:16:22,489 --> 00:16:26,489
[alternative music playing]
363
00:16:27,161 --> 00:16:29,863
[knocking]
364
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,432
- Hey.
- Hi.
365
00:16:31,432 --> 00:16:33,267
How'd it go?
366
00:16:33,267 --> 00:16:36,570
Uh, not great.
367
00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:38,806
Sorry.
368
00:16:38,806 --> 00:16:40,708
Is Emile gone?
369
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,343
Yeah.
370
00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:48,616
Uh, Alex saw you in the hot tub.
371
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,517
Oh.
372
00:16:50,517 --> 00:16:52,186
You know, I give you a lot of freedom
373
00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:55,155
because I trust you
to act like an adult.
374
00:16:55,155 --> 00:16:59,155
Please don't make me regret that.
375
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,597
So, you didn't bring him back then?
376
00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:06,467
- No.
- Oh.
377
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:10,471
Thought you wanted to borrow a condom.
378
00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:18,379
- Good night.
- Night.
379
00:17:24,284 --> 00:17:28,088
We're at a funeral... Dad's funeral.
380
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,823
- Am I there?
- Oh, yeah.
381
00:17:29,823 --> 00:17:32,393
Whole family's there and his harem.
382
00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:35,629
Mm, typical.
383
00:17:35,629 --> 00:17:37,231
What are we doing.
384
00:17:37,231 --> 00:17:40,401
Just shitting all over everybody.
385
00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:43,170
Criticizing Aunt Eva, cousin Jane.
386
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:45,839
See, that seems
inappropriate, even for us.
387
00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:48,242
Normally, I'd agree with
you, but everyone's so awful,
388
00:17:48,242 --> 00:17:50,177
it's impossible not to.
389
00:17:53,814 --> 00:17:55,783
Even in my dreams, I
don't relate to people.
390
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,555
Maybe if you stopped
having short, meaningless
391
00:18:01,555 --> 00:18:05,426
relationships.
392
00:18:05,426 --> 00:18:08,195
And have one long
meaningless relationship?
393
00:18:08,195 --> 00:18:10,698
- Ugh!
- [laughs]
394
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:14,698
My marriage was not meaningless.
395
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:20,507
Oh, God, tonight was a disaster.
396
00:18:20,507 --> 00:18:22,843
I can set another one for tomorrow.
397
00:18:22,843 --> 00:18:26,747
No, no. I don't know.
398
00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:28,549
Maybe I'm not ready.
399
00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,417
I mean, the whole night,
I just kept picturing
400
00:18:30,417 --> 00:18:33,153
Drew in that restaurant
watching me with that idiot
401
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,655
and laughing.
402
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,223
Yeah, well he wouldn't
be laughing if you'd taken
403
00:18:36,223 --> 00:18:38,292
that idiot home and fucked him.
404
00:18:38,292 --> 00:18:40,494
You make an awful therapist.
405
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,729
I'm serious.
406
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,630
You want to stop thinking about Drew?
407
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:46,100
- Yes.
- Go be with somebody.
408
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,369
[sighs]
409
00:18:49,369 --> 00:18:52,272
I don't know if I can.
410
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:58,212
(female) Why are you looking so smug?
411
00:18:58,212 --> 00:19:00,681
You think Northwestern
will take a 14-10?
412
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:03,650
No, the won't because
you extra curriculars
413
00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:05,652
are fucking average at best.
414
00:19:05,652 --> 00:19:07,554
Come on, we're gonna
be late for your tutors.
415
00:19:07,554 --> 00:19:09,490
- Good game.
- I didn't even play.
416
00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:11,225
I hate team sports. I'm just doing it
417
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:12,493
for the P.E. credit.
418
00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:17,364
Who's that?
419
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,166
Molly Hartsler.
420
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:20,601
She's a total whack job.
421
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,269
I can tell.
422
00:19:22,269 --> 00:19:24,138
Yeah, her husband
killed himself last year.
423
00:19:24,138 --> 00:19:26,473
That makes sense.
424
00:19:26,473 --> 00:19:28,876
You tried to kill yourself, didn't you?
425
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,410
Debatable.
426
00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:32,146
My mom said you jumped off your deck.
427
00:19:32,146 --> 00:19:36,083
I did, but it was more
exploratory than anything.
428
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:38,185
Only broke my leg.
429
00:19:38,185 --> 00:19:40,587
If you were serious, you
would have used a gun.
430
00:19:40,587 --> 00:19:43,190
Exactly.
431
00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:44,858
[engine starts]
432
00:19:44,858 --> 00:19:48,495
I'm sorry about the
other night with Emile.
433
00:19:48,495 --> 00:19:49,763
[laughs]
434
00:19:49,763 --> 00:19:51,365
What?
435
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,537
Oh, and Drew wants the cars.
436
00:19:56,537 --> 00:19:58,438
Valerie doesn't care about the cars.
437
00:19:58,438 --> 00:20:00,474
Nice, easy, so, if
everything else is settled,
438
00:20:00,474 --> 00:20:01,775
let's move on to the house.
439
00:20:01,775 --> 00:20:03,610
Valerie still wants to sell the house.
440
00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:05,179
Drew still wants
Valerie to take the house
441
00:20:05,179 --> 00:20:07,081
and he'll take the investments and CDs.
442
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,749
That is not gonna work for Valerie.
443
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,551
Drew would like to point out
that the value of the house
444
00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:12,719
exceeds the value of
the investments and CDs.
445
00:20:12,719 --> 00:20:15,088
Valerie doesn't care about
the value of the house
446
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,124
or the value of the investments and CDs.
447
00:20:17,124 --> 00:20:19,359
- I want full custody.
- Oh, come on, Val.
448
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,328
Drew, please, just let me handle it.
449
00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:22,863
What, she wants full custody,
but she doesn't want the house?
450
00:20:22,863 --> 00:20:24,565
This is ridiculous.
451
00:20:24,565 --> 00:20:26,233
Where are you two going to live.
452
00:20:26,233 --> 00:20:27,868
With Alex for now.
453
00:20:27,868 --> 00:20:30,103
Living with him isn't healthy for her.
454
00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:32,439
Well, neither is walking
in and seeing her dad's dick
455
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:33,874
in a
20-year-old.
456
00:20:33,874 --> 00:20:35,542
Yeah, let's not make this about that.
457
00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:38,345
[scoffs] How is this not about that?
458
00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:42,345
Ask yourself why I
want the 20-year-old.
459
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,521
$2,200 a month. That's his stipend.
460
00:20:47,521 --> 00:20:49,189
$2,200?
461
00:20:49,189 --> 00:20:51,425
I earned that money.
You're living rent-free,
462
00:20:51,425 --> 00:20:53,227
so that should be plenty.
463
00:20:53,227 --> 00:20:55,596
I hope to God our daughter
doesn't end up like you.
464
00:20:55,596 --> 00:20:57,397
Oh, how am I, Drew?
465
00:20:57,397 --> 00:21:00,567
Cold. Cold and alone.
466
00:21:00,567 --> 00:21:04,271
Uh, maybe we should, uh, take a break.
467
00:21:04,271 --> 00:21:08,675
Ha. [clears throat]
468
00:21:08,675 --> 00:21:10,611
[whispers] That didn't go well.
469
00:21:14,848 --> 00:21:18,085
[soft instrumental music]
470
00:21:18,085 --> 00:21:22,085
471
00:21:44,378 --> 00:21:46,346
Whoa.
472
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:47,848
Where you going?
473
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,384
Shut up.
474
00:21:55,422 --> 00:21:56,657
[door slams]
475
00:22:19,613 --> 00:22:24,413
- I'm Valerie.
- Leon, hi.
476
00:22:26,687 --> 00:22:30,687
My name is Leon. I already said that.
477
00:22:31,491 --> 00:22:34,161
Uh, can I buy you a drink, Valerie?
478
00:22:36,363 --> 00:22:38,298
Leon, let me ask you something.
479
00:22:38,298 --> 00:22:40,100
If I asked you to
take me home right now,
480
00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:41,301
what would you say?
481
00:22:45,105 --> 00:22:49,105
Did, uh, Franco put you up to this?
482
00:22:50,143 --> 00:22:54,247
I don't know Franco.
483
00:22:54,247 --> 00:22:55,582
Look, are you... you wanna take me home
484
00:22:55,582 --> 00:22:57,250
or should I ask somebody else?
485
00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:00,454
Oh, uh...
486
00:23:09,329 --> 00:23:13,329
So, um, where are you from, Valerie?
487
00:23:16,670 --> 00:23:20,670
Let's not ruin this with conversation.
488
00:23:22,809 --> 00:23:25,779
[soft instrumental music]
489
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:29,779
490
00:23:56,176 --> 00:23:58,578
Jesus!
491
00:23:58,578 --> 00:24:01,515
I'm Alex.
492
00:24:01,515 --> 00:24:03,250
Uh, Leon.
493
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:05,285
You're, uh, Valerie's roommate?
494
00:24:05,285 --> 00:24:08,355
Her brother, yeah.
495
00:24:08,355 --> 00:24:11,091
Good to have another
guy around her, Leon.
496
00:24:11,091 --> 00:24:14,361
I'll see you at
breakfast. Making waffles.
497
00:24:22,363 --> 00:24:27,363
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498
00:24:27,413 --> 00:24:31,963
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