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1
00:00:07,734 --> 00:00:10,934
YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN CHERYL
DO THIS BEFORE.
2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,901
SHE JUST PRESSES A BUTTON...
3
00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:17,367
AND THE WHOLE THING
COLLAPSES.
4
00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:31,334
THAT'S A BRAKE.
5
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:49,300
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
6
00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:50,834
I THINK I HEARD A CLICK.
7
00:00:50,901 --> 00:00:52,934
THAT WAS MY KNEE.
8
00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:11,567
YOU WANT TO GET THE DOOR?
9
00:01:27,868 --> 00:01:29,667
HAH!
10
00:01:29,734 --> 00:01:32,067
OH, BABY.
11
00:01:37,934 --> 00:01:41,033
WHAT...HAS HAPPENED
TO AMERICA?
12
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,634
IT'S GOING TO HELL
IN A HANDBASKET, JIM.
13
00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:45,067
BINGO!
14
00:01:45,133 --> 00:01:47,033
* B-I-N-G-O *
15
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:49,067
* B-I-N-G-O *
16
00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:51,167
NO, NO, NO, GIRLS,
THAT'S OKAY.
17
00:01:51,234 --> 00:01:52,434
YOU KNOW WHAT? NOT NOW,
18
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,634
BUT MOMMY WILL SING IT LATER
FOR YOU AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!
19
00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:56,901
YAY!
20
00:01:56,968 --> 00:01:59,000
I'M SITTING THERE WATCHING
THE DIRECTOR'S CUT
21
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:00,601
OF "RED HEAT,"
WHICH, BY THE WAY, CHERYL,
22
00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,901
IS VERY GOOD.
23
00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:05,734
COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED
BY THE ACADEMY.
24
00:02:05,801 --> 00:02:09,601
ANYWAY, THE DVD PLAYER BREAKS
DOWN AND CRAPS RIGHT OUT ON ME.
25
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,434
WHAT? WE'VE ONLY
HAD IT A WEEK! BINGO!
26
00:02:11,501 --> 00:02:12,434
* B-I -- *
27
00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:14,801
AH-AH!
28
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:15,868
THANK YOU.
29
00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:19,067
SO, I'M GONNA TAKE THIS BACK
TO LAZY AL'S,
30
00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:20,634
AND I'M GONNA EXCHANGE IT
AND GET A NEW ONE.
31
00:02:20,701 --> 00:02:22,133
BUT I NEED THAT RECEIPT.
32
00:02:23,868 --> 00:02:25,634
OH, JEEZ!
33
00:02:25,701 --> 00:02:26,667
OW.
34
00:02:26,734 --> 00:02:28,100
MY BINKY!
35
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:29,701
MY WHISTLE!
36
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,300
[ WHISTLE BLOWING ]
37
00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:33,467
THANKS, JIM. THAT'S WHERE
I KEEP ALL THE STUFF
38
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:34,901
I DON'T WANT THEM
TO HAVE ANYMORE.
39
00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:36,667
MY NUDIE PEN.
40
00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:41,601
HELLO, INGRID.
41
00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,801
SHE LIVES IN A PEN, JIM.
42
00:02:49,968 --> 00:02:53,634
IF SHE WAS 5 FEET TALLER,
YOU'D BE GONE.
43
00:02:57,067 --> 00:03:00,601
HONEY, I GOTTA FIND
THAT RECEIPT.
44
00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:01,968
I KNOW I PUT THAT RECEIPT
IN HERE.
45
00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:03,067
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?
46
00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:05,234
ME?! I NEVER TAKE ANYTHING
OUT OF THAT DRAWER.
47
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,334
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S ALWAYS LOSING THINGS,
48
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,734
LIKE OUR HONEYMOON TICKETS.
49
00:03:08,801 --> 00:03:10,000
I DID NOT LOSE THOSE TICKETS.
50
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:12,501
YOU TOLD ME TO PUT THEM
IN THE GREEN SUITCASE.
51
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,901
WE DIDN'T TAKE
THE GREEN SUITCASE.
52
00:03:13,968 --> 00:03:15,834
WELL, WHY DID YOU TELL ME
TO PUT 'EM IN THE GREEN SUITCASE?
53
00:03:15,901 --> 00:03:17,601
WHY WOULD I TELL YOU
TO PUT THEM IN A SUITCASE YOU WEREN'T EVEN TAKING?
54
00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:20,467
CHERYL, ONLY YOU
CAN ANSWER THAT.
55
00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:23,968
BESIDES,
THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO.
56
00:03:24,033 --> 00:03:26,901
CAN'T YOU THINK OF ANYTHING
RECENTLY THAT I LOST?
57
00:03:26,968 --> 00:03:28,667
UH, 10 POUNDS?
58
00:03:28,734 --> 00:03:31,334
ALTHOUGH, IN YOUR DEFENSE,
YOU DID FIND THEM.
59
00:03:34,133 --> 00:03:38,067
THAT IS A CHEAP SHOT, CHERYL.
I AM STORING THAT ONE.
60
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:41,801
AW, YOU MEAN WHERE
YOUR HAIR USED TO BE?
61
00:03:41,868 --> 00:03:44,868
WHAT?!
62
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:48,200
DID I FORGET A BIRTHDAY
OR SOMETHING? WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
63
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,033
NO, NO, I'M JUST SICK
OF YOU LOSING THINGS ALL THE TIME
64
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:51,367
AND BLAMING ME.
LIKE, LIKE --
65
00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:54,734
LIKE MY CAR KEYS
OR YOUR SUNGLASSES OR THE ELECTRIC BILL.
66
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,968
COME ON, CHERYL, THAT WAS FUN.
IT WAS LIKE CAMPING.
67
00:03:58,033 --> 00:03:59,501
BESIDES, YOU KNOW WHAT?
68
00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:02,133
YOU GOTTA STOP
KEEPING SCORE WITH ME.
69
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,968
YOU STORE THESE LISTS
IN YOUR HEAD.
70
00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:07,567
OH, YOU MEAN UP HERE
WITH MY THICK, LUSTROUS HAIR?
71
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,367
CHERYL...
72
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,501
YOU ARE MAKING ME
VERY ANGRY.
73
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:17,934
AND VERY HOT.
74
00:04:19,701 --> 00:04:20,767
NOW, COME ON.
75
00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:23,434
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT SOMEONE
JUST BROKE IN HERE
76
00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:25,868
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
AND STOLE MY RECEIPT!
77
00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:27,434
YEAH, JIM.
78
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,334
IT'S PROBABLY HALFWAY
TO SOUTH AMERICA BY NOW,
79
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,734
CHOPPED UP
AND SOLD FOR CONFETTI.
80
00:04:31,801 --> 00:04:34,868
[ SIGHS ]
I KNOW IT'S IN HERE!
81
00:04:34,934 --> 00:04:36,300
HONEY, SERIOUSLY,
YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO TOUCH ANYTHING
82
00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,901
'CAUSE THE POLICE ARE
GONNA WANT TO DUST FOR PRINTS.
83
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,067
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
84
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:42,834
AAH! [ LAUGHS ]
85
00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:51,400
AH, TIFFANY...
86
00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:54,300
THAT WICKED LADY
TOOK YOUR SISTER AWAY.
87
00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:01,000
HI, WELCOME TO LAZY AL'S,
88
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,968
WHERE WE'RE TOO DARN LAZY
TO RAISE OUR PRICES.
89
00:05:04,033 --> 00:05:06,968
I BET YOU HATE SAYING
THAT, DON'T YOU?
90
00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:09,601
NO, I DON'T.
91
00:05:13,601 --> 00:05:15,400
WELL, THIS THING
IS BROKEN HERE,
92
00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:17,767
AND I WANT TO EXCHANGE IT
FOR A NEW ONE.
93
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:18,767
OKAY. CAN I SEE
A RECEIPT?
94
00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:22,901
WELL, MY, UH --
MY WIFE LOST IT.
95
00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:24,467
WOMEN, HUH?
96
00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:28,567
DON'T GET ME STARTED.
97
00:05:28,634 --> 00:05:29,634
YEAH.
98
00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:34,033
NO RETURNS
WITHOUT A RECEIPT. NO EXCEPTIONS.
99
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,234
AW, COME ON, BUDDY.
100
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,367
WE ALL KNOW THAT RULES
ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN, HUH?
101
00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:38,667
[ SIGHS ]
102
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:51,200
ARE YOU TRYING TO BRIBE ME
WITH AN ARBY'S COUPON?
103
00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:57,300
OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU'RE A WORTHY OPPONENT.
104
00:05:57,367 --> 00:06:00,934
LET'S MAKE THIS
A, UH, GAME OF SKILL.
105
00:06:02,434 --> 00:06:04,434
I'M THINKING OF A NUMBER
BETWEEN ONE AND 10.
106
00:06:04,501 --> 00:06:05,868
SEVEN.
107
00:06:05,934 --> 00:06:07,467
DAMN!
108
00:06:09,434 --> 00:06:10,868
I NEED THAT RECEIPT,
SIR.
109
00:06:10,934 --> 00:06:12,534
I'M THINKING
OF A NUMBER-- 63.
110
00:06:12,601 --> 00:06:13,868
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
111
00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:32,501
WELL, WELL, WELL.
112
00:06:33,801 --> 00:06:36,300
OH, GEE.
113
00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:39,267
WHAT'S THAT, JIM,
THE NEW DVD PLAYER?
114
00:06:39,334 --> 00:06:42,133
WHY, YES, MY DARLING,
IT IS.
115
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,400
OH, JIM, YOU'RE MY HERO.
116
00:06:44,467 --> 00:06:46,501
WOULD YOU LIKE STEAK-UMS
FOR LUNCH
117
00:06:46,567 --> 00:06:50,868
FOLLOWED BY
AFTERNOON SEX?
118
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:54,000
WELL, YOU KNOW, CHERYL,
I REALLY DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT,
119
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:56,067
BUT YES, I WOULD!
120
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:59,934
OKAY. OKAY, I GET IT.
YOU DIDN'T LOSE THE RECEIPT.
121
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,467
OH, I DIDN'T LOSE
THE RECEIPT.
122
00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:02,701
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
123
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,734
SO MAYBE
YOU WERE INCORRECT?
124
00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,634
MAYBE YOU COULD'VE BEEN
POSSIBLY WRONG,
125
00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:09,167
PERCHANCE MISTAKEN?
126
00:07:09,234 --> 00:07:11,567
ALL RIGHT!
I GOT IT!
127
00:07:11,634 --> 00:07:12,801
ALL RIGHT.
128
00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,734
CHERYL, EXCUSE ME.
129
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,501
I AM GONNA TAKE A NAP...
130
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:20,767
...TO SAVE UP ENERGY
FOR OUR AFTERNOON SEX.
131
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:23,868
OKAY, HONEY.
132
00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:25,767
YOU WIN.
ENJOY YOUR NAP.
133
00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:27,267
THANK YOU.
134
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:28,534
BINGO!
135
00:07:28,601 --> 00:07:31,868
* B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O *
136
00:07:31,934 --> 00:07:35,033
* B-I-N-G-O,
AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O *
137
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:40,601
[ INSTRUMENTS TUNING ]
138
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:43,434
BOYS, I AM A GENIUS.
139
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:44,801
YEAH? SPELL IT.
140
00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:47,467
YEAH, GO AHEAD
AND MAKE FUN OF ME.
141
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,133
BUT I JUST FOOLED MY WIFE,
AND SHE'S A VERY SMART LADY.
142
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,667
ALL RIGHT.
SO, HOW DID YOU FOOL HER?
143
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:54,467
YOU SEE, I WAS GONNA RETURN
THIS BROKEN DVD PLAYER.
144
00:07:54,534 --> 00:07:55,501
RIGHT?
OKAY.
145
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:56,634
BUT I NEEDED THE RECEIPT
146
00:07:56,701 --> 00:07:57,701
AND I COULDN'T FIND IT,
147
00:07:57,767 --> 00:08:00,000
AND CHERYL ACCUSED ME
OF LOSING IT.
148
00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,033
DID YOU?
149
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,467
WELL, YEAH,
PRETTY MUCH.
150
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:07,167
BUT THAT'S WHY I WENT OUT
AND BOUGHT A NEW DVD PLAYER
151
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,801
SO SHE WOULDN'T, YOU KNOW,
HARP ON ME FOR 50 YEARS
152
00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:11,567
ABOUT THE MISTAKES I MADE.
153
00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,200
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
154
00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:14,834
CHERYL STILL WON'T LET ME
FORGET THE TIME
155
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,300
WHEN I USED HER EASY-BAKE OVEN
156
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:19,200
TO CREMATE MY DEAD FROG,
MR. HOPPERS.
157
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,200
WELL, GUYS, WOMEN.
158
00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:25,400
WOMEN ARE LIKE A DOG
WITH A BONE.
159
00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:27,033
THEY BURY IT
FOR A WHILE,
160
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,534
AND THEN THEY DIG IT UP
WHEN THEY WANT TO USE IT AGAINST YOU.
161
00:08:30,601 --> 00:08:32,167
MY BARBER TOLD ME THAT.
162
00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:34,467
YOU WERE IN THE CHAIR
LONG ENOUGH TO GET ALL THAT?
163
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:35,501
[ RIMSHOT ]
164
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,200
HA HA HA! I LOVE IT!
165
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,400
YEAH, YEAH.
166
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:41,968
ALL RIGHT.
1, 2, 3, 4!
167
00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:44,601
[ BLUES MUSIC PLAYING ]
168
00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,334
[ BLOWING WHISTLE
RHYTHMICALLY ]
169
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,000
WHOO!
WHO'S GOT THE MAGIC?
170
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:49,400
MOM'S GOT THE MAGIC.
171
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,868
OH, YEAH.
172
00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:54,067
I AM NOT SPEAKING
TO YOU,
173
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,501
AND DON'T ACT LIKE
YOU DON'T KNOW WHY.
174
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:56,701
OKAY.
175
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:58,534
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]
176
00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:00,000
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU DID, DO YOU?
177
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,534
UH, OVERREACTED
TO SOMETHING SMALL?
178
00:09:01,601 --> 00:09:03,033
OH, SORRY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
179
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,434
I HATE YOU WHEN YOU DANCE.
180
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,367
STOP DANCING!
181
00:09:11,434 --> 00:09:13,734
I MADE YOUR STUPID
SPAGHETTI SAUCE LAST NIGHT FOR MY DATE,
182
00:09:13,801 --> 00:09:14,767
AND IT WAS AWFUL.
183
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:17,200
OH, HONEY, YOUR DATES
ARE ALWAYS AWFUL.
184
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:20,701
OKAY, WHAT DID
YOU DO WRONG?
185
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,167
I DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
186
00:09:22,234 --> 00:09:24,434
I FOLLOWED YOUR RECIPE
EXACTLY.
187
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:27,701
"ONE CAN OF TOMATO PASTE,
3 TABLESPOONS OF OLIVE OIL,
188
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:28,901
ONE TABLESPOON
OF ORANGES" --
189
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,000
OREGANO!
190
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,234
NOT ORANGES!
YOU'RE NOT MAKING A SMOOTHIE!
191
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:40,634
OH, MY GOD. LAZY AL'S.
192
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:42,701
THIS IS THE RECEIPT
FOR THE DVD PLAYER.
193
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:48,434
JIM DID LOSE THE RECEIPT.
HE IS SO BUSTED!
194
00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:49,501
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
195
00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:51,634
FROM YOU. YOU TOOK IT
OUT OF THAT DRAWER,
196
00:09:51,701 --> 00:09:54,334
WROTE THE RECIPE ON IT,
AND HANDED IT TO ME.
197
00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:58,334
YOU ARE LYING.
198
00:10:03,334 --> 00:10:04,334
Cheryl: OH, MAN!
199
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,701
JIM WAS RIGHT.
I DID LOSE THE RECEIPT.
200
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:09,234
WAIT A MINUTE.
IF HE DIDN'T HAVE THE RECEIPT,
201
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:12,067
HOW DID HE GET LAZY AL
TO TAKE HIS DVD PLAYER BACK?
202
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,834
MAYBE HE UNDID
HIS TOP BUTTON AND CRIED.
203
00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,400
I ONCE RETURNED
A CAR LIKE THAT.
204
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,734
HE TOTALLY DECEIVED ME.
205
00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,000
WELL, CHERYL, WHAT HAVE
I BEEN TELLING YOU FOR 10 YEARS?
206
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:26,100
THAT MAN
HAS NO GOOD QUALITIES.
207
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,567
COME ON.
LET'S GO NAIL HIM.
208
00:10:27,634 --> 00:10:29,934
I CAN'T.
WHY?!
209
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,234
BECAUSE HE'LL KNOW THAT I KNOW
THAT HE DIDN'T LOSE THE RECEIPT,
210
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:33,400
AND HE'LL SAY,
"HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
211
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,834
AND I'LL SAY,
"BECAUSE I GAVE IT TO DANA,"
212
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,300
AND HE'LL SAY, "SO IT WAS REALLY
YOU WHO LOST THE RECEIPT."
213
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,467
AND I WON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO SAY.
214
00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:41,400
WOW.
215
00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:45,634
I MUST HAVE NO LIFE,
BECAUSE I FIND THIS FASCINATING.
216
00:10:45,701 --> 00:10:47,400
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
217
00:10:47,467 --> 00:10:50,701
OH. LISTEN CAREFULLY,
LITTLE SISTER.
218
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:54,267
MEN ARE LIKE A DOG
WITH A BONE.
219
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:57,067
THEY'LL BURY IT
FOR A WHILE,
220
00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:58,734
BUT THEY'LL DIG IT UP
WHEN THEY NEED TO.
221
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,734
ALSO, THERE'S THE CHEWING
AND THE LICKING, BUT...
222
00:11:04,267 --> 00:11:06,100
ALL RIGHT. HANG ON.
223
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,501
WHAT'S THAT?
224
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,167
THEY'RE TRYING
TO GET ME FOR JURY DUTY.
225
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,234
UHH!
226
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,267
BYE, GUYS.
SEE YA.
227
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,267
WATCH THE DOOR.
228
00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:20,067
OKAY.
WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR?
229
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,601
IF YOU SEE CHERYL,
SAY SOMETHING.
230
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:23,434
LIKE WHAT?
231
00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:27,801
LIKE, "HEY, JIM,
CHERYL'S COMING."
232
00:11:27,868 --> 00:11:30,033
SEEMS A LITTLE LONG.
233
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,601
HOW ABOUT "BLUE CANARY"?
234
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,534
JUST WATCH
THE DAMN DOOR!
235
00:11:35,968 --> 00:11:38,167
BLUE CANARY!
236
00:11:43,501 --> 00:11:46,501
NO. NO, REALLY,
IT'S A BLUE CANARY.
237
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,567
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
238
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:55,534
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
239
00:11:55,601 --> 00:11:58,567
I AM RETURNING
THIS BROKEN DVD PLAYER.
240
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,601
I THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT
WITHOUT A RECEIPT.
241
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:04,367
OH, I HAVE A RECEIPT...
FROM THE NEW DVD PLAYER.
242
00:12:04,434 --> 00:12:07,467
THAT'S JUST WRONG.
243
00:12:07,534 --> 00:12:09,033
HOW DO YOU SLEEP
AT NIGHT?
244
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,934
IN THE NUDE--
WITH YOUR SISTER.
245
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:15,934
Jim: OKAY, OKAY.
246
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,567
ALL WE'RE GONNA DO
IS WE'RE GONNA GO IN THERE,
247
00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:19,767
WE'RE GONNA GET OUR MONEY,
AND THEN WE'RE GONNA GET OUT.
248
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,234
SO BE CALM.
249
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,968
[ SCOFFS ]
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
250
00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:26,567
WHAT'S THAT IN MY VEINS?
OH, IT'S ICE WATER.
251
00:12:28,033 --> 00:12:29,734
OKAY, MR. ICEMAN.
252
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,200
STAY CLOSE.
253
00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:35,234
HEY.
254
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:36,501
HI, WELCOME
TO LAZY AL'S,
255
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,400
WHERE WE'RE
TOO DARN LAZY TO RAISE OUR PRI--
256
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:43,234
SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!
WE'RE LOCKED IN!
257
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:46,167
IT OPENS IN, SIR.
JUST PULL IT.
258
00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:47,701
Oh. Sorry.
259
00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:02,100
I WANTED TO RETURN THIS
FOR CASH.
260
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,567
OKAY. CAN I SEE
YOUR RECEIPT?
261
00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:07,133
OH. OH, I THINK
I CAN SCARE ONE UP.
262
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:16,968
OKAY.
THERE'S A PROBLEM.
263
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:20,434
ASIDE FROM
THIS FROZEN TATER TOT...
264
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:26,234
THE SERIAL NUMBERS
ON THIS DVD PLAYER AND THIS RECEIPT
265
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:27,434
DON'T MATCH.
266
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:29,601
WHAT HAPPENED TO
"THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT"?
267
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:33,534
THAT GOES OUT THE WINDOW
WHEN THEY'RE TRYING TO RIP US OFF.
268
00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,801
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA
CALL MY LAWYER, SIR.
269
00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:37,667
[ PUNCHING KEYS ]
270
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,567
ONE SECOND, PLEASE.
271
00:13:42,567 --> 00:13:43,934
YES, I'LL HOLD.
272
00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:50,601
YES, JOHNNIE COCHRAN, PLEASE.
273
00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:52,167
SIR, THAT'S
A PRICE SCANNER.
274
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,601
IF YOU WALK OUT RIGHT NOW,
I WON'T CALL THE POLICE.
275
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,534
[ BANGING ]
276
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,033
IT OPENS IN, SIR.
277
00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:23,167
HEY.
278
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,400
BLUE...CANARY.
279
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,801
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING?
280
00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:37,968
WELL, WE WERE JUST, UM...
281
00:14:38,033 --> 00:14:39,601
T-TALKING MAN STUFF.
282
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:40,934
YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE'RE --
283
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,868
I WAS GONNA DO
SOME MEASURING AND STUFF.
284
00:14:43,934 --> 00:14:44,968
I WAS THINKING MAYBE --
I DON'T KNOW --
285
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:49,934
CHANGE THE GARAGE
INTO A...STUDY FOR MY BOOKS.
286
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,968
WHY? IS THE RACK
NEXT TO THE TOILET GETTING TOO SMALL?
287
00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:56,534
WHAT'S THIS?
288
00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:57,801
OH, UH...
289
00:14:57,868 --> 00:15:00,334
WELL, THAT'S THE DVD PLAYER.
290
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,133
OH. REALLY?
NOW, THAT'S FUNNY,
291
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,434
'CAUSE THE GIRLS
ARE IN THE HOUSE
292
00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:06,167
WATCHING A DVD
RIGHT NOW.
293
00:15:11,901 --> 00:15:14,234
SO... YOU WANNA TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON?
294
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:17,834
DANA...
295
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:19,167
WHAT? OH, COME ON!
296
00:15:19,234 --> 00:15:21,067
THIS IS THE ONLY REASON
I REALLY COME OVER HERE.
297
00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:22,968
YOU THINK I LIKE
TO WATCH HIM EAT?!
298
00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:30,934
ALL RIGHT.
SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
299
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,167
WELL, UH, YOU KNOW.
300
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:38,267
LONG STORY SHORT --
301
00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:39,534
AND HERE WE ARE.
302
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:44,400
YEAH, SO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME
THE SLIGHTLY LONGER VERSION?
303
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:48,801
SURE. I LOST THE RECEIPT
AND BOUGHT A NEW DVD PLAYER, AND HERE WE ARE.
304
00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:51,434
OH, MAN! YOU ARE
UNBELIEVABLE!
305
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:53,400
ALL RIGHT.
306
00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:57,300
I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF
YOU, TOTALLY VULNERABLE.
307
00:15:57,367 --> 00:15:59,968
IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE
MY PANTS OFF, I WILL.
308
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:06,367
WHY WOULD I WANT YOU
TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF?
309
00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:09,701
JUST AN EXPRESSION.
310
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:11,400
COME ON.
COME ON, CHERYL.
311
00:16:11,467 --> 00:16:12,901
GIVE IT TO ME,
BOTH BARRELS.
312
00:16:12,968 --> 00:16:14,601
I'M GOING TO!
ALL RIGHT.
313
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:17,968
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
I'M NOT PULLING ANY PUNCHES.
314
00:16:18,033 --> 00:16:18,968
I KNOW. I KNOW.
315
00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:22,234
ALL RIGHT.
OH, DAMN IT!
316
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,934
PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO BUST YOU,
AND I CAN'T DO IT.
317
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,267
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
318
00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:29,334
OH!
319
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,300
I TOOK THE RECEIPT
OUT OF THE DRAWER.
320
00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:34,067
I WROTE A RECIPE ON IT,
AND I HANDED IT TO DANA.
321
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:38,100
[ SIGHS ]
322
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:40,701
WHOA!
323
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,234
JIM.
324
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:45,634
DON'T...PLEASE!
325
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:53,734
I CAN'T EVEN LOOK
AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
326
00:16:53,801 --> 00:16:55,834
COME ON!
WE BOTH LIED.
327
00:16:55,901 --> 00:16:59,067
OH, DON'T DRAG ME
INTO YOUR WEB OF DECEIT.
328
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:02,934
WAIT!
YOU GOT THE RECEIPT. I CAN RETURN THE DVD.
329
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,133
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
HERE'S WHERE MY STORY GETS FUNNY.
330
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,734
AHH...
I BURNED IT.
331
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,534
WHY?
332
00:17:11,601 --> 00:17:14,300
WELL, BECAUSE I KNEW
THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU'D FIND IT,
333
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,033
AND THEN YOU'D JUST
LORD IT OVER ME.
334
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,868
WELL, I BOUGHT
A NEW DVD PLAYER
335
00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:19,834
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
YOU TO LORD IT OVER ME
336
00:17:19,901 --> 00:17:21,033
AND THEN PUT IT
ON THAT LIST OF YOURS.
337
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,234
OH, MAN!
338
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,167
THE AMOUNT OF TIME
WE SPEND KEEPING SCORE,
339
00:17:24,234 --> 00:17:25,601
IT'S JUST EXHAUSTING.
340
00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,300
IT IS.
OHH!
341
00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:32,067
CHERYL...
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
342
00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:35,667
I MEAN, WE -- KEEPING
LISTS ON EACH OTHER.
343
00:17:35,734 --> 00:17:38,267
I MEAN, THERE'S GOTTA BE
SOME GOOD THINGS ON THAT LIST,
344
00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,901
OR WE WOULDN'T
BE MARRIED ALL THESE YEARS.
345
00:17:39,968 --> 00:17:41,100
I'VE GOT GOOD THINGS
ON THE LIST.
346
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:42,400
REALLY?
YEAH.
347
00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,567
WHAT?
348
00:17:43,634 --> 00:17:46,801
OH, HERE'S ONE.
"WILL EAT ANYTHING."
349
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,901
HOW ABOUT A GOOD THING
THAT'S NOT INSULTING, TOO.
350
00:17:50,968 --> 00:17:53,200
OH, OKAY.
OH, I KNOW!
351
00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:54,400
OH, NO. NO.
352
00:17:54,467 --> 00:17:56,901
OH! OH!
OH, NO.
353
00:17:56,968 --> 00:17:59,601
CHERYL, COME ON!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME HERE?
354
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,133
OH, OKAY.
355
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:06,100
OKAY, WELL, I WAS KINDA
SAVING THIS ONE, BUT, UM...
356
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:09,400
HE WAS A GOOD FATHER AND
A LOVING, DEVOTED HUSBAND.
357
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:11,267
"WAS"?
358
00:18:11,334 --> 00:18:13,968
IT'S MY WIDOW'S LIST.
359
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:16,467
IT'S THE KIND OF STUFF
I WAS SAVING FOR YOUR FUNERAL.
360
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:20,133
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
LIVE LONGER THAN ME?
361
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,868
JIM, YOU ORDER A SIDE OF EGGS
WITH YOUR OMELET!
362
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,033
OKAY. HERE GOES.
363
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,834
[ FUNERAL DIRGE PLAYS ]
364
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,901
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
365
00:18:33,968 --> 00:18:35,834
I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU BOTH
FOR COMING.
366
00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:37,033
OH!
367
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:42,334
CHERYL, I HAVE MORE
FRIENDS THAN THAT.
368
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,133
DEAD!
369
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,634
[ SIGHS ]
370
00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:48,934
SINCE WE WERE MARRIED,
371
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,701
A DAY HASN'T GONE BY
THAT JIM HASN'T MADE ME LAUGH.
372
00:18:52,934 --> 00:18:54,701
EVEN IF IT WAS AT HIM
RATHER THAN WITH HIM.
373
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,467
HEY!
UH-UH!
374
00:18:58,434 --> 00:19:00,634
OH, AND HE'S SUCH
A GOOD FATHER.
375
00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:03,801
LIKE ALL THE TIMES HE STAYED UP
ALL NIGHT WITH RUBY
376
00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:04,934
WHEN SHE WAS SICK.
377
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,234
OR WHEN GRACIE DROPPED
HER TEDDY BEAR IN THE LAKE
378
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,100
AND HE JUMPED IN
WITH ALL HIS CLOTHES ON TO SAVE IT.
379
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,133
YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT.
380
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,434
A BRAND-NEW ROLL
OF LIFESAVERS RUINED.
381
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:20,834
ANYWAY...
382
00:19:20,901 --> 00:19:23,868
BLANK AND I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE
YOU ALL UP TO OUR LAVISH ESTATE
383
00:19:23,934 --> 00:19:26,334
FOR CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR.
384
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,834
WHO'S BLANK?
385
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:29,067
MY BOYFRIEND.
386
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,100
YEAH, HE'S THE CUTE DOCTOR
387
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,334
WHO FOUGHT SO VALIANTLY
TO SAVE YOU.
388
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,968
[ CHUCKLES ]
389
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,033
YOU'RE TOO MUCH.
390
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,334
WELL, LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING.
391
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,000
DID HE KISS LIKE THIS?
392
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,167
MMM. MMM.
393
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:45,868
NO. NO, HE DIDN'T.
394
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,667
ACTUALLY,
HE KISSED LIKE THIS.
395
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:53,601
MMM. MMM.
396
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,734
MMM!
397
00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:58,133
I'LL KILL HIM!
398
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:02,300
BUT FIRST...THIS.
399
00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:07,934
[ Voice breaking ] I JUST LOOKED
EVERYWHERE FOR THAT RECEIPT,
400
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,100
AND I JUST COULDN'T FIND IT.
401
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,100
[ SNIFFLES ]
402
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:14,033
OH, IT'S HOT IN HERE,
ISN'T IT?
403
00:20:23,968 --> 00:20:25,968
[ GIGGLES ]
404
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:28,234
ANYWAY...
405
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:32,901
SO, UM, IF I DON'T GET $200
BY TOMORROW MORNING,
406
00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,868
MY TWIN SISTER AND I
AREN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO PAY
407
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,868
THE ENROLLMENT FEE
FOR THE LINGERIE CONTEST.
408
00:20:40,801 --> 00:20:42,033
YEAH. OKAY.
409
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,467
OH, YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.
410
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,234
YEAH. YEAH.
411
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:48,200
HERE, HERE.
412
00:20:48,267 --> 00:20:49,634
AND HERE'S A UNIVERSAL
REMOTE ON THE HOUSE.
413
00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:50,767
JUST TAKE THAT.
414
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,634
OH, THANK YOU.
415
00:20:58,334 --> 00:21:00,100
IT OPENS IN,
YOU KNOW.
416
00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:02,901
THANK YOU.
417
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:08,200
GOTCHA!
418
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:12,800
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