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MAN: "Critic".

From the Latin "criticus".

And the Greek " kritikós".

"Via krités", a judge.

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

(FLASHBULB POPS)

- Your seats, Mr Erskine.
- Tom.

- Curtain?
- 10:40

- Oh.
- Provided we go up on time.

Well, ensure it, hmm?
I have a deadline!

MR ERSKINE: The drama
critic is feared

and reviled for the
judgement he must bring.

But the truth

is imperative.

A critic must be cold
and perfectly alone.

(TYPEWRITER BELL DINGS)

Only the greats are remembered.

(SHIP'S HORN BLARES)

I must tell you,

when you go to the theatre,

in the dramas presented,

you'll find many a
murderer with cold blood.

(HUMS)

But do take notice of
the occasional killer

- with a conscience.
- (WATER SPLASHING)

(CHARCOAL SCRATCHING)

I shall need two more sessions.

Can you find the time?

For immortality, who wouldn't?

(CHUCKLES)

(LIGHT CRACKLES)

(PEACOCK CALLING IN DISTANCE)

You vicious old bastard.

(FOOTSTEPS
CRUNCHING ON GRAVEL)

My father enjoyed
indulging this newspaper.

But times are harder now.

We're going to have to economise

across all departments,
I'm afraid.

However, if we trim the fat,

we can restore The Chronicle
to its rightful place

as the most read family
newspaper in the country.

So...

let's resume our mission
with renewed vigour, eh?

MAN: No more
inexplicable expenses.

No more long lunches.

No late copy.

He's dragging the paper
into the 20th century.

- How dare he.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

MAN: Be warned. MAN 2: Hmm?

Watch your backs.

He won't come after
the old guard.

- We are the bloody paper!
- (SNICKERS)

He won't have pirates on board.

We must all show
loyalty to the cause.

The sole historical
cause of The Chronicle

is to compete for readers
with the Daily fucking Mail.

- MAN: Mm-hmm.
- Fascists.

Loyalty!

I've been with this
festering organ 40 years!

Forty-three.

Hmm.

Mm.

He should show loyalty to us.

He's Robespierre in a top hat.

- (ALL CHUCKLE)
- Madame la Guillotine, salut!

Nh, don't, Jim. Don't,
you're plastered.

- Stephen.
- Good afternoon.

Oh.

David.

Viscount Brooke, I should say.

My condolences again.

We all adored your father.

Thank you.

I remember when
mine passed away.

He was an insignificant man,
but his absence was profound.

(CHUCKLES DRUNKENLY)

You know, your father
gave me the job

right here in the
club. (CHUCKLES)

Over, er, lunch... No, dinner.

And he squeezed my young cheeks,

and, "Jimmy,

"I hereby anoint you
my chief drama critic."

(CHUCKLES)

Hmm.

Working tonight?

The White Devil.

Best seen sober, I suspect.

Not necessarily.

MAN: That is the
half, Mr Cooper.

That is the half.
Thirty minutes.

Half an hour, ladies and gents.

- (INDISTINCT TALKING)
- Half an hour, Mrs Reverly.

- Half an hour. Half an hour.
- All right, Lennie.

LENNIE: Tell him half.
Half an hour, Miss Land.

- Fuck off, Lennie.
- I'll do my best.

WOMAN: Excuse me.

(SIGHS) I'm too old for this.

From your secret admirer.

- Who is he, Miss?
- Oh, it's a mystery.

I could travel to the
Orkneys and act in a stable,

two dozen white roses would
appear on the first night.

Have them.

"Unto my lord the duke,
The best of welcome.

"More lights!
Attend the duke."

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

TOM: I'm in the mood
for Jacobean tragedy.

Not often I say that.

JIMMY: Done badly, this play
could drive a nun to arson.

MAN 1: Mr Erskine?
MAN 2: Mr Erskine?

LENNIE: Five minutes,
White Devil company.

That's the five.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

You will be a sensation.

Don't expect a good
notice in The Chronicle.

At least, not for
my performance.

Jimmy Erskine's never liked me.

Well, tonight, the
beast will experience

- a Damascene conversion.
- (EXHALES)

Ready? Have courage.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

"Unto my lord the duke,

"The best of welcome.
More lights."

Where's Mr Erskine?

(WHISPERS) Over there.

How's his portrait coming along?

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Quite well.

His face is more interesting
than his opinions.

(SCOFFS) I love him.

He's gutsy.

Viscount at one o'clock.

JIMMY: Shame his lady
wife never attends.

Perhaps she's got
a prior engagement

with a keg of lithium.

(BOTH SNICKER)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC FADES IN)

Your best of rest.

Unto my lord the duke,
The best of welcome.

Attend the duke.

- (STIFLED LAUGHTER)
- More lights!

- Flamineo.
- FLAMINEO: My lord.

Quite lost, Flamineo.

(JIMMY GROANS SOFTLY)

Now to the act of blood.

There's but three Furies
found in spacious hell...

(DIALOGUE MUTED)

(INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)

I think I prefer this
play to his other one.

- His other one?
- Well, his other famous one.

Duchess of Malta.

- Malfi.
- Oh, yes!

(LAUGHING) Duchess of Malfi.

Jew of Malta.
Duchess of Malfi.

Same era, though.

Webster is Jacobean.
Marlowe, Elizabethan.

Oh, a slightly
pedantic distinction.

It's the correct one.

Well, I'm sure we can agree
on tonight's performance

thus far.

I... I just adore Nina Land.

She's such a mercurial actress.

I'm... I'm... I'm
sure you'll be

dipping that famous
nib in nectar tonight.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

No need for the prussic acid.

- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- Excuse me.

Meadows! (GRUNTS)

Will you remove that
lunatic baggage?

I'm so sorry, Mr Erskine.
What seems to be the problem?

Ah, no, not "seems".

She invaded my table,

she besieged me
with her opinions,

and stole my nuts!

I must have silence!

I must be protected
from the general public!

Move her, move her.

(LOUDY) Run!

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

O, happy they who
never saw the court,

Nor ever knew great
man but by report.

- (GRUNTS)
- I recover,

like a spent taper...

- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)
- for a flash.

But instantly go out.

The rack, the gallows,

- and the torturing wheel...
- (JIMMY SIGHS)

shall be but sound sleeps to me.

Here's my rest,

I limb'd this night-piece
and it was my best.

GIOVANNI: Remove the bodies.

See my honoured lord.

Let guilty men remember
their black deeds

Do lean on crutches
made of slender reeds.

(APPLAUSE)

JIMMY: No...

Replace with, er, "succubus".

(MUMBLES) Cut all that shit.

- This shit?
- No, that shit.

Oh.

There is no "e"
in "somnambulant".

There never has been, God
help us, never will be.

(HUMS)

Change "damp squib"
to... (INHALES)

"wet blanket". No, no. Help?

- Er, "sopping"?
- Perfect, yes.

No, "sodden". Yes. (CHUCKLES)

All right, get typing.

"Sodden".

BOY: That was the longest
play in the world.

WOMAN: Longer
than life itself.

- BOY: How long is life?
- Endless.

As long as you eat
your vegetables.

(BOY CHUCKLES)

GIRL: Wasn't Nina
Land the greatest?

She's magical.

You should paint her.

STEPHEN: Mm.

I think you've got secrets.

STEPHEN: You're very direct.
GIRL: You raised me to be.

STEPHEN: True.

But I don't.

GIRL: I wouldn't
mind if you did.

Not if she makes you happy.

I love your mother. (EXHALES)

Said unconvincingly.

STEPHEN: Your father
seemed to enjoy it.

STEPHEN'S WIFE: Mm.

Brutal play.

- Mm.
- Extraordinary.

All that wailing and gnashing.

You are aware it was written
in the early 17th century?

I had gleaned it.

People don't wail
and gnash nowadays.

- Well, we don't.
- Well, if we don't...

I mean, we are
representative of everyone.

Oh, must you?

(SIGHS)

(SOFT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

JIMMY: All right, come
on, Tom, hurry up.

Ah, thank you.

"The Duke of Bracciano's
steatopygous form"?

From the Greek.

"Excessive flesh
on the buttocks."

I doubt our readers are
familiar with the word.

I doubt our readers can read.

Change it, please.

Replace with "fat-arsed".

(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

You can't leave
the bloody party!

Sorry. Exhausted.

The producers tell me

the vibrations are
extremely positive.

It's opening night.

We're a hit!

Even the beast gave me the nod.

Caught my eye as he
scarpered up the aisle.

Hmm. Probably thinking
of all the vile things

he'll say about me.

Well, if you can't
enjoy the moment,

you'd best fuck off. Hmm.

Love you! (BLOWS KISS)

(FAINT PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: A word of advice.

Brooke told me it's the best
thing he's seen all season.

But he's not the
paper's drama critic.

Not yet.

What do you know?

He's begun culling the old lags.

And he's not so keen on you.

Nor does he like your...

proclivities.

Family paper.

Be careful.

(MIDNIGHT, THE STARS AND
YOU BY AL BOWLLY PLAYING)

♪ Midnight with
the stars and you ♪

- ♪ Midnight ♪
- (WHISTLING)

♪ And a rendezvous ♪

♪ Your eyes held
a message tender ♪

♪ Saying, "I surrender ♪

♪ "All my love to you" ♪

- (POLICE ALARM BELL RINGING)
- Raid! Get down.

POLICEMAN: Stop there!

(DOGS BARKING)

MAN: Get off! Get off me!

POLICEMAN: And you, you
little pansy, come here!

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)

♪ I'll be remembering you ♪

♪ Whatever else I do ♪

♪ Midnight ♪

♪ With the stars and you ♪

- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- No baths after 10:00.

NINA: Sorry!

Well, turn the taps off before
you wake the whole house.

- (SONG ENDS)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MUFFLED VOICES ARGUING
AND BABY CRYING)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

NINA: Thank you.

(SIGHS)

JIMMY: The vamping and
shrieking Miss Nina Land

attempts Vittoria with all
the grace of a startled mule.

There's not a single moment
of stillness nor subtlety.

After three long hours,

when Miss Land finally,
blessedly, expires,

her death is akin to
a deflated dirigible.

- (PHONE RINGING)
- (CHEWING LOUDLY)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

LANDLADY: Miss Land?

Visitor!

(GROANS) It's a disaster.
He's so important.

- NINA: I know.
- (SIGHS)

What did you think?

Last night?

Well, I... I told
you. I... I raved.

But?

I'm your most ardent supporter.

- It's irrelevant.
- Mum.

Well, I thought you
were a touch too florid

with your hands. You know...

And... And you pushed a bit...

bit too hard at times.

But you looked striking.

And...

You were very audible.

I mean, every syllable,
clear as a bell.

(SCOFFS)

Nina, you're 30...
oomph years old,

you're a spinster,

you're living in a
squalid one little room.

I mean, life is passing you by.

- I'm perfectly content.
- Well, you're patently not.

You should talk to him.

We don't talk to critics.

It's not the done thing.

- Confront him and have it out.
- You're bloody mad!

Deal with the odious man
before he insults you again.

You've got 10 days before
you open Twelfth Night.

Do it now!

I wish you'd stop meddling.

I'm not meddling.

I'm mothering.

(SUSPENSEFUL CLASSICAL
MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(SIGHS)

No, no, no.

(BREATHLESSLY) What do
you require from me?

I have a very important meeting.

Please make it brief.

- I want an apology.
- (SCOFFS)

For expressing my opinion?

For the manner of
its expression.

The rudeness, the disrespect.

One of my many solemn duties
is to entertain the reader.

At my expense?

Well, it's not just you, is it?

I write, what, half a
million words a year?

Oh, mea culpa if 12
of them offended you.

Over the last 10 years,

you've compared me to livestock,

creatures of the sea,
and an extinct bird.

You've said my voice is
"fluting", "grating",

"girlish" and "manly".

You've described me as
plump and emaciated.

Which is it, damn you?

Last season, "Her Mrs Elvestad
is glamourous but ungainly.

"She doesn't seem to
know how to walk."

How to walk?

You've been dishing it
out to me for a decade

and now it's going to stop.

Oh, are you retiring?

Oh, I'm tight enough to
scratch your eyes out!

Oh, I wouldn't try.

You stand before the
junior vice-captain

of the Wigan Boxing Club.

You all right, Miss? He's
a bit weird, this one.

This is a private conversation.

Weird?

Oh, be a good chap
and bugger off.

The lady's perfectly safe.

Oh... Oh, tell.

(WHISPERS) Please.

MAN: He likes it rough.

NINA: Does he, now?

Apologise.

I won't, Miss Land.

I will fight to the death
for freedom of thought

and its public expression.

"Erskine of The Chronicle

"pays trade for rough sex."

(SIGHS)

Why do you like that?

I daresay you can imagine.

You spoke it last night.

"My soul, like a ship
in a black storm,

"Is driven, I
know not whither."

Humiliation.

Danger.

I think you understand.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

Don't take what
I write to heart.

There are other critics,
albeit lesser ones,

who think you're spectacular.

I'm not interested in them.

- I follow you.
- Me? (SCOFFS)

I'm a monster, I'm weird.

You most certainly are.

But I grew up reading you.

I wanted to act because of you.

You're mocking me.

You formed me.

Well...

that's a terribly
flattering thing to say.

You write so tenderly
and... and passionately

about the plays and the
actors who move you.

And yet you dismiss those who
disappoint you so ruthlessly.

As if you've been betrayed.

This little England lowers
its standards every day.

In my footling way,

I'm attempting to maintain them.

I so wanted to meet
your standards.

But you think I'm appalling?

I'm afraid so.

(SIGHS)

I might dissolve.

There is art in you, Miss Land.

My disappointment is in
your failure to access it.

You know where I live.

You may visit if you wish.

- (PHONES RINGING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Dorothy. (SNIFFS)

Joan! Good afternoon.

Jimmy.

(SOFTLY) Yes.

MAN: Good luck.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

La commedia è finita.

(DOOR OPENS)

Jimmy.

(SIGHS LOUDLY)

Tone it down.

(PEN SCRATCHING ON PAPER)

Er, what exactly?

The unpleasantness.

The extravagance.

Less.

C... Could you
be more specific?

In order that I may obey.

(CLEARS THROAT) "Warning.
Hold your breath

"as you pass the Duke's Theatre

"for here is untreated
theatrical sewage.

"A play of elemental passion

"has been reduced to the
scale of a sodden sock."

Well, it's my responsibility
to discourage our readers from

wasting their wages on tripe.

Never mind all that.

We're discussing the
extremity of your style.

But that's why people
read me, you know.

I wither and I effuse.

And the proud tradition
of this paper,

established by
your dear father...

Yes, I know he was fond of you.

He was also fond of
Sir Oswald Mosley.

You can't compare me with him.

Anyone who threatens the
reputation of this newspaper

is an undesirable.

Oh, so it's a witch hunt?

Jim!

Don't break the law.

Don't cause a stink.

Be kinder.

More beauty, less beast.

Final warning.

NINA: Stay.

If I think so, I
think the same of you.

Think thou right.
I am not what I am.

I... I would you...

Yes?

"Were as I would have you be."

Were as I would...

would you were as I
would have you be.

Break them.

Lunch, everyone.
That's lunch, please.

Back in an hour. Thank you.

We must all get over that review

and focus on this show.

- I know my lines.
- I know you know them.

Why can't you say them?

- I am.
- Heavily.

Where's the lightness?

- Where's the wit?
- (SNAPS FINGERS)

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

I'm going mad without you.

Hello. Could you
tell her I miss her?

Could you tell him

he's married with two children?

STEPHEN: Please.

Thank you.

- Nina...
- I'm in rehearsals.

I'm being dreadful, and
we open in two days.

As we discussed at length,

I won't be your
mistress any more.

We were lovers.

You were my lover.

Go home to your family.

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

MEN: More! More!

Well, I say...

- More!
- MEN: More!

(DRUNKEN INDISTINCT CHANTING)

(LAUGHTER)

JIMMY: If I can't
write freely,

I can't write at all.

- Don't resign.
- Well, there's no need.

(CHUCKLES) He'll be rid of me
as soon as he finds an excuse.

Oh.

(SLURRED) I am
on the scaffold,

black cloth bag over my head

and the frigid fart's just
fumbling for the lever.

(MEN LAUGH)

TOM: We should turn back.

JIMMY: They don't
own the streets.

Not yet.

We have the right to walk here.

- Come on.
- Well, I'm turning back.

- Let go.
- No!

(MEN CHATTERING)

All right?

Oh, yes. How are you?

- I'm all right.
- I'm so glad.

Who's your friend, then?

I'll tell you about mine
if you tell me about yours.

(GROUP CHUCKLES)

Tell your friend to go home.

Oh, but I'm taking him home.

He lives in this environ.

You're a cheeky old
queer, ain't ya?

May I return the compliment
and say how splendid you look

with your badges and crests

and crisp black shirt?

Did you iron it yourself?

- Getcha! Go on!
- (GROUP LAUGHS)

- (MOCKING LAUGHTER)
- MAN 2: Go on, now!

JIMMY: Stop it! (LAUGHING)

I'm... I'm gonna die!

You could've got us killed!

Oh, don't be silly.

They could've killed us.

Nobody gets murdered
in Bloomsbury. (LAUGHS)

You're a maniac
with a death wish.

It's true!

(JIMMY GRUNTS)

Stop that now.

He who lives in
fear dies of shame.

Who said that?

Me. Just now.

Just scribble it
down for the memoirs.

I will never let anything
bad happen to you.

MAN: (IN DISTANCE) Oi!

TOM: There's
police on the way.

- Oh, sod the law!
- Quiet!

Home's this way. Oh! Oh, fuck!

- (WHISTLE BLOWING)
- (JIMMY LAUGHING)

Please get up.
We have to move.

- Give me a kiss and I will.
- Oh, get up!

Kiss me, you gorgeous bastard.

- And then you'll get up?
- Yes.

- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (MEN CLAMOURING)

That's it, you filthy queers!

Get hold of him.

Get up, you dirty old sod!

(GROANS)

- (DOOR SLAMS)
- OFFICER 1: Round!

OFFICER 2: I'll check
'em for lipstick.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)

MAN: Are you a homosexual?

No.

Have you ever engaged
in unnatural practices?

No.

Your young friend,
Thomas Turner,

claims he's your secretary.

What are his duties?

(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

Typing, filing, research.

- And does he do shorthand?
- (OFFICER SNICKERS)

(MAN TUTS)

Is he a proficient secretary?

- He is first-rate.
- First-rate?

You seem surprised
by his competence.

Is it due to the
colour of his skin?

Is it correct that you
co-habit with your secretary?

He's my lodger.

Do you share a bedroom?

No.

He sleeps on the sofa.

How long has he been
sleeping on your sofa?

Six years.

- How's his back bearing up?
- (OFFICER SNICKERS)

Where'd you find
him, Mr Erskine?

- Was he trade?
- No!

I understand you
enjoy the theatre.

I do not enjoy the theatre.

I'm the chief drama critic
of The Daily Chronicle.

(DOOR UNLOCKS)

(WHISPERS) His
lawyer's here, sir.

(DOOR LOCKS SHUT)

Lambert, thank you.

The police were in the
mood to charge you.

JIMMY: Hmm.

I had to tell Brooke.

Needed him to pull strings.

(JIMMY GROANS)

- Had to, Jim.
- Yeah.

Can't have you two
going to prison.

(CHUCKLES)

Dorothy.

- Terms.
- JIMMY: Uh-huh.

And one month's notice.

(SCOFFS)

What did you expect?

You were found committing
an indecent act

in a public place.

You resisted arrest and
assaulted a police officer.

You're in full breach
of your contract.

The terms are
significantly more generous

than those I advised
Viscount Brooke to offer.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

- Oh, Tom.
- TOM: Oh, Jim...

No first nights.

No dinners.

No life.

(OPERATIC MUSIC
PLAYING FAINTLY)

I'm walking dead.

Oh, come on. Enough self-pity.

Well, you know my debts.

I live like a king
on a pauper's wage.

When the fall comes,
it'll sweep me under.

Where's your spirit?

Where's your fight?

Fuck 'em!

TOM: That's the spirit.

(SLURPING)

Stephen, I'm here
for my sitting.

Oh.

I have got the right day?

Well, yes, but...

Perhaps you should contact
Viscount Brooke's office.

Are you going to eat that chop?

(JIMMY GRUNTS)

How's unemployment?

Wake at noon, hunk of
bread, mug of sherry,

back to bed.

Still go to the opera?

Can't afford it.

You must have something on him?

Ethos of the club.

We don't machinate
against fellow members.

Yes, we do.

(SIGHS)

Brooke is known as a
very decent fellow.

Look how he's cared
for his bonkers bride

all these years.

The man's a saint.

Don't be sloppy.

No one is a saint.

Literature teaches us that.

Romeo?

Betrays entire Montague dynasty

for his own selfish lust.

- Oliver Twist.
- Class traitor.

Causes death of Nancy.

You're deranged.

(SIGHS)

All men have secrets.

I'll find his.

(SENTIMENTAL CLASSICAL
MUSIC PLAYING)

ORSINO: Come, boy, my
thoughts are ripe in mischief.

I'll sacrifice the
lamb that I do love,

to spite a raven's
heart within a dove.

And I, most jocund,
apt, and willingly,

To do you rest, a
thousand deaths would die.

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(NINA BREATHES DEEPLY)

(BELL RINGS)

WOMAN: Fifteen minutes,
please. Back at 4:20.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(DOOR BELL RINGS)

Nina Land.

JIMMY: What does she want?

Sounds weepy.

Let her in.

Do a good deed for once, huh?

Welcome!

Um, I was just passing.
Sorry if it's too late.

Oh, we receive at all hours.

- (CHUCKLES)
- This is Tom.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Oh. Thank you.

- You were an actor?
- Mm-hmm.

For two years.

My zenith was Laertes.

In Dundee.

Oh.

JIMMY: Oscar Wilde, of course.

I saw him once when I was young.

I made a pilgrimage
to the stage door

of the Theatre Royal
and waited for hours.

And then he appeared.

Rolling up Suffolk
Street, quite alone...

in the clear bright sunshine.

A king.

Were he to command me to
give him my body and soul

right there, I would have
done it... (CHUCKLES)

gratefully.

But... (SIGHS) he swept by.

I wasn't pretty enough
to engage his eye. Hmm.

Henry James. (SNIFFS)

JIMMY: Well, attributed.

His last words.

NINA: "So here it is at last,
the distinguished thing"?

Death.

Oh, forgive me. Come on.

- Now, do sit down.
- (SOBS SOFTLY)

Has something happened?

(SIGHS) I've got the fear.

Ah.

And we open tomorrow night.

You're the last person in the
world I should tell. (EXHALES)

Hmm.

Or the only one
that you can, huh?

Drink?

(GULPING)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

- (GLASS THUDS)
- (EXHALES)

Another, hmm?

You're too keen to
please. (CLEARS THROAT)

Now, when an actor
tries too hard,

it sends mustard gas
through the house.

You have to trust.

And it's very difficult
to trust, but...

the courage to give
of the self entirely

is what all great actors share.

I mean those with the capacity
to conjure the sublime.

You have to trust that
we are present to you.

That we're sensitive to
your deepest sufferings,

your gentlest feelings,
your most intimate thoughts.

But you must trust that
we can perceive all this

without your help.

Less.

(CHUCKLES)

It's a dagger to the soul,
but "less" is the only note.

NINA: (AS OLIVIA) What
is your parentage?

Above my fortunes,
yet my state is well.

I'm a gentleman.

I'll be sworn thou art.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

Thy tongue, thy face,

thy limbs, actions, and spirit

do give thee five-fold blazon.

(LAUGHS) Whew!

- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
- Not too fast.

Soft, soft.

(SIGHS) Unless the
master were the man.

How now?

Even so quickly may
one catch the plague?

O, methinks I feel this
youth's perfections

with an invisible
and subtle stealth

- to creep in at mine eyes...
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)

TOM: He's crying.

NINA: (AS OLIVIA)
Well, let it be.

Er, Mr Erskine, I've
reserved a private room

for you through here.

I do hope it will suit.

Well, thank you, Graham.

That's really very
thoughtful of you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Erm, I didn't catch your name.

- Ivan.
- Ivan.

Would you invite the Viscount

to join us in the private room?

JIMMY: Mm.

We should throw
a dinner for you.

A celebration for
your retirement.

I would be honoured.

Will you continue to write?

JIMMY: Oh, no, no, no.

I couldn't work
for another paper.

But, er, I might
start my memoirs.

BROOKE: Hmm.

Well, break a leg.

Enjoying the show?

Very much.

Some fine acting on display.

(INHALES) Yes, I
particularly...

- Sorry?
- No, I, er...

Hmm?

I was going to
say, I thought, er,

the Olivia and Viola
were both excellent.

Oh, Miss Nina Land.

Er, which one?

Olivia.

Olivia, is she?

She has a very
particular talent.

- Do you think?
- Oh, yes.

And she's beloved.

Whenever I've been a
touch harsh about her,

(INHALES)

sacks of angry mail arrive
from her devoted supporters.

Are you a devotee?

I... I don't think I've
ever seen her before.

Oh, but you have,
you know, here.

In The White Devil.

Twice, I believe.

Yes, of course.

And I seem to recall you
attended Hedda Gabler

at The Globe.

Last season.

Nina Land was

"an indecently
fetching" Mrs Elvestad.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, I... I'm quoting
your father. (CHUCKLES)

Well, that doesn't
make me a devotee.

Oh. Oh, no.

Of course not.

Final para.

(JIMMY HUMS)

TOM: "Miss Nina Land's
magnificent Olivia."

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

- Really?
- (LIGHTER CLICKS)

I move mysteriously, hmm.

In my valedictory weeks,
why not be generous?

Huh? (CHUCKLES)

JIMMY: Attention to
those who have heeded

my recent warning

regarding a foul stench
emanating from the Aldwych.

I am most pleasantly
surprised to report good news.

I must stand and applaud

Miss Nina Land's
magnificent Olivia.

She now offers a performance

of such astonishing,
delightful nuance...

(PHONE RINGING)

and depth of feeling
that I fear...

LANDLADY: Miss Land!

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERS) Go.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Hello?

JIMMY: Good
morning, Miss Land.

Oh, hello.

Oh, and thank you
for what you said.

Did you really mean it,
or did you take pity?

Oh, I never lie.

And this is only the beginning.

Great success awaits you.

- (EXHALES)
- Er, Nina?

Yes,

Jimmy?

I have something a little
delicate to discuss.

One could say it's a part.

NINA: In a play?

No, no, no. Er, a performance.

Consider a man of around 60,

powerful, rich.

But catastrophically married.

And it transpires

that he's secretly obsessed

with a vivacious younger woman.

Which part do I play?

(BOTH LAUGH)

Who is he?

Viscount Brooke.

- Your proprietor?
- Mm-hmm.

- Do you know him?
- (GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Decent chap, handsome.

Wife barking...

- in the aristocratic mode.
- And?

I want you to please him.

Coyness doesn't suit you.

You want me to fuck him.

(LAUGHS WHEEZILY)

That's my girl there.

I'm afraid I must
decline the role.

I don't want to
play a prostitute.

Oh, dearest Nina, there's
no vulgar cash involved.

I'm asking you to do
me a little service.

And in return,

you will gain my
unyielding favour.

Stunning reviews.

Acclaim.

"The actress of
her generation."

And we might start
with an interview

for my "Backstage
Whispers'" column.

And my chum, Cecil,
will photograph you.

Only the best for Nina.

And there'll be parties,

gatherings, entrées, dinners.

All that's required
to make you a star.

Everything you crave.

And deserve.

An immortal of the
stage and screen.

I can't do it.

- It's not me.
- It's a part.

- It's not you.
- (SIGHS)

Your cruel profession
bestows glory on its young.

And time has no pity.

It will define you
or cast you out.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

JIMMY: I blame the writers.

Repertoire is so
lacking in parts

for the mature actress.

And between playing the
soubrette and the old maid

lie decades of waste.

Except for the select.

You said you yearn
to meet my standards.

Well, here they are.

JOAN: Miss Land.

NINA: Hello.

Congratulations. You're
the hit of the season.

Oh, thank you so much.

(DOOR OPENS)

JOAN: Miss Land.

Welcome.

NINA: Hello.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

It's so kind of you to see me.

Not at all.

I... I've come here
to beg a favour.

I... I don't suppose
you've seen my photograph

in your paper today?

My rather demanding mother

has requested a print for
her birthday next week.

- (CHUCKLES COYLY)
- I see.

Perhaps I could offer
you some tickets

for these plays I'm in?

Well, to be honest, I've...
I've seen both of them.

And you were...

excellent.

Oh.

I might blush. (CHUCKLES)

Well, we mustn't
disappoint your mother.

How can I possibly thank you?

Perhaps you could
have supper with me?

I could give you the photograph?

A very reasonable exchange.

Right, well, if, er, you
give Joan your details,

she can organise us.

She has the most spectacular
flowers on her desk.

Yes, her sister's a florist.

I have a secret admirer
who's been sending me

two dozen white roses every
opening night since 1928.

And he's never
made himself known?

Isn't it mysterious?

(SOFT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Just there, please.

(NINA CHUCKLES)

- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- Thank you, Miss Land.

BROOKE: Thank you.

(CUP CLINKS)

(EXHALES)

Shall I, um...

fetch the photograph?

You go. I'll follow.

(DOOR OPENS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

- May I take your coat?
- Hmm.

For you.

Would you like a drink?

Later.

(YAWNS)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(EXHALES)

- (WATER SPLASHES)
- (EXHALES)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(SHUDDERS)

(EXHALES)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

- (SWITCH CLICKS)
- Too... Too bright.

(NINA GROANS QUIETLY)

Er, I have to get home.

Well, shall I send for the car?

No, thank you.

Here.

- (EXHALES)
- (JEWELLERY CLINKS)

Thank you. (CHUCKLES)

Where did you put my coat?

- Your coat is here.
- Oh.

(NINA CLEARS THROAT)

You've forgotten something.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Look, I'm old, I'm married.

I'm very grateful.

But don't see me again

if it's not something you want.

Are you saying
you don't want to?

You know I'm besotted.

Well, then...
see you tomorrow.

- (DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
- (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

I won't do it again.

Not tonight, not ever.

You'll play as cast, as agreed.

As contracted.

You told me to please him.

I did.

He's very grateful.
He doesn't need more.

Our great partnership
is in its infancy.

Brooke expects you
tonight. Don't let me down.

Or what?

Well, if you don't
do my bidding,

I'd be obliged to
withdraw my favour.

And you'd suffer its opposite.

It's not just wrong, it's evil.

I'm fighting for my life here.

She's done enough!

Once is never enough!

You're the help.

You're my squire. (SCOFFS)

If you're not with
me, you're against me!

- Nina.
- Go away.

I can't.

You're a good egg, more or less.

And I'm vain, selfish
and madly ambitious.

And this is news?

I'm driven in ways
I don't understand.

I need things it doesn't
occur to you to want.

I'm trouble.

Stay away.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Apologies for the
lateness of the hour,

but it, er, is a matter
of some importance.

Well, it'll have
to wait, I'm busy.

No, you're not.

- I can assure you, I am.
- She is not coming.

- Who?
- (SCOFFS)

Let's not, eh?

I can confirm she arrived
downstairs, but then

the flighty little
thing departed.

What?

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

The vulnerable young actress

you lured to this
room last night?

The poor innocent woman
that you took advantage of?

The sweet girl you assaulted?

Or so she will say.

In court.

- That's not true.
- True or false,

it's the same scandal.

But please, don't despair,

good Viscount.

I'm here to help.

(CAR DEPARTS)

BROOKE: Your employment,

a reprieve with
a modest pay rise

is acceptable.

Reinstate Hugh Morris
as opera critic? No.

He was drowning,
and you know it.

Your reinclusion in the
portrait is impossible.

We've selected another man.

Get rid of him.

"Twelve Distinguished
Gentlemen of the Club."

Are you sure you qualify?

Most certainly.

How on earth do you
live with yourself?

Well, it's a struggle.

Now, returning to the,
er... the portrait. I...

I have a number of, er, letters

stamped and addressed to
your wife, your daughter,

the club secretary, the
editor of the Daily Mail,

and other assorted ghouls.

Now, please... (EXHALES)

don't oblige me to slip them

into the post box downstairs.

I suppose I...

I should assume...

Miss Land doesn't even like me?

Do you know, we've
never discussed it.

Shall I ask her?

STEPHEN: Who is he?

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

Don't ask.

If you ever loved me, don't ask.

(NINA SIGHS HEAVILY)

I miss you.

What?

I miss you.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES)

(DOOR OPENS)

Where were you?

I slept at the studio.

Alone?

No.

So your affair has resumed?

I think so.

Who is she?

I can't say.

Well, then pack.

BROOKE: He'll be back.

He won't survive poverty.

He'll make a virtue of it.

He's always resented our wealth,

our name, our standing.

I should never
have married a Jew.

Cora!

Spare me your disapproval.

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING)

What?

I'd be most grateful if
you'd now include him.

- Why?
- My father would've wanted it.

(INHALES SHARPLY) He
loved a character.

Though he never
much cared for mine.

I'll step down, it'll
be a clean dozen.

You can paint me out

and stick him in.

I don't mean to
diminish your art.

Fine.

But I don't approve.

And I don't deserve immortality.

All my achievements have
been due to nepotism.

Item two.

Cora.

I know my daughter
can be tricky.

She has her ways. But
the thing of it is...

- it's really not her fault.
- David.

I can't go back.

May I know who she is?

If she's going to be stepmother

to my grandchildren, I'd like
to know something about her.

But, er, don't
feel obliged, I...

I really shouldn't pry.

- Always the gent.
- (CHUCKLES)

It's a curse.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

She's an actress.

- Oh.
- We met last year.

She happened to
come to my opening.

Actually, you saw her in those
productions at the Duke's.

Oh?

Nina Land.

(SCOFFS SOFTLY)

She was...

very fine.

I have to admit, I am...

I'm head over heels.

(PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)

David?

(INHALES SHARPLY)

I really shouldn't
say this, but, er...

I wish you good fortune.

(PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

You... You open it.

- It's personal, Miss.
- We're intimates.

You see me at my
worst every day.

"Dear Miss Land,

"late last night, I
received a visit..."

BROOKE: from your
co-conspirator.

I daresay you can imagine
my disappointment.

My personal feelings aside,

I'm writing to tell you that
I fear no good will come

from your association
with this man.

I urge you to end it.

(EXHALES)

Tom!

I've been used.

We all get used, darling.

Use him back.

You've done his bidding,

now get what you want from him.

The whole thing's disgusting.

I'm disgusting, he's disgusting,

and you're disgusting
for letting him do it.

Sleep on it.

(PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)

- (GUNSHOT ECHOES)
- (BIRDS' WINGS FLUTTER)

(BIRDS SQUAWKING IN DISTANCE)

(CLOCK TICKING)

(PERSON SNIFFLING)

- (PHONE RINGING)
- (SNORING)

(RECEIVER CLICKS)

- (CONTINUES SNORING)
- Jim.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

STEPHEN: Nina Land.

She was...

very fine.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

My father-in-law
committed suicide.

I know. I'm so sorry.

You knew?

I mean, I...

I didn't know he...

I... I just knew he was dead.

When did you find out?

This afternoon.

His secretary sent a
message to stage door.

And why would Joan do that?

Why would she inform
you of his death?

(BELL TOLLING IN DISTANCE)

Did you...

Were you in love with him?

I didn't know him.

Then why? (SNIFFS)

(TEARFULLY) I'm too ashamed.

Let me explain.

There's no need.

- Why be so predictable?
- Why be so cheap?

(OBJECT THUDS)

(CRIES QUIETLY)

(FOOTSTEPS
CRUNCHING ON GRAVEL)

You and I are cursed.

Drawn to weak men.

Let him have the children.

You can have more with a
man who's worthy of you.

Dear Jimmy.

We met in this room.

Oh, now what an
occasion that was.

You're absolutely full of shit.

You are absolutely
right. (CHUCKLES)

Rattle the old
memory box, will you?

It was my 10th birthday.

(EXHALES) Of course.

You should know I intend
to oversee the paper.

Excellent.

The new Chronicle will be
a platform for common sense

and measured debate.

(INHALES) A source tells me

that a few weeks
after you were fired,

my late father reinstated you

with a new contract
on improved terms.

I will honour your contract.

But no more fisticuffs
with the law.

And if you must practise
your perversion,

behind closed doors.

I gratefully accept
your generous terms.

(ENGINE DRONING)

(JIMMY HUMS MERRILY)

Must you hum? The
man killed himself.

Don't you read the newspapers?

It was a shooting accident.

You drove him to it.

He pulled the fucking trigger!

Have you no shame?

I merely fought for my job

as all working men must
do in these dark days.

I'm handing in my notice.

Four weeks and I'm off.

Oh, for God's sake, man.

You've got the second
best job in London.

- What?
- (SNIFFS)

Well, in theatrical London.

You write for a...
a right-wing rag!

With readers.

Our loathsome paper has
millions of readers.

And we are forming

the aesthetic taste
of generations.

The Fascists may come and
go, but theatre is eternal.

It matters more than politics.

More than society.

It's life itself!

- (YELLS)
- (LAUGHS)

- Whoa!
- JIMMY: Oh, Christ!

Hey!

JIMMY: Darling, what
a lovely surprise.

I want to talk to you, Jim.

- Splendid!
- Here's good.

No, no, no. Up here.
Come on. Yes. Yep.

- There.
- NINA: Oh. Oh.

JIMMY: It's
slippery. NINA: No.

JIMMY: There we are, yes.

It's a bit slippery
here. Yes. Good.

(GIGGLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING INSIDE)

Excuse me. Is Nina
Land still inside?

She was indisposed tonight, sir.

The understudy went on.

Yes, that's right.
You help yourself.

(SNIFFS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(JIMMY SIGHS)

You do know we killed him?

No, we didn't!

Do you even care that he's dead?

Of course I do.

It's terribly sad.

It really is.

And our indirect
involvement in the matter

is all terribly secret.

He was quite a nice chap.

Sweet, in a way.

He was so excited, it
was all over in a minute.

Have you come here to grieve?

You see, I have
been at the funeral,

and I've done a considerable
amount of grieving already.

- Was Stephen there?
- Hmm?

His son-in-law.

Stephen Wyley?

(FALTERS) Do you know him?

I know him very well.

He found out about
me and Brooke.

Did you tell him?

No. Why... Why would I?

'Cause you're the beast.

- (BISCUIT THUDS)
- Stop that.

Don't!

- (NINA GRUNTS)
- (PLATE CLATTERING)

I'm going to run
you a cold bath.

And you're going to
remove your make-up,

as professionals do.

And then you're going
to lie in that bath

until you sober up.

And then we will have a
constructive conversation

about your wonderful new career.

I won't be long.

NINA: (SOFTLY) I'm
going to the police.

(LOUDLY) I'm going
to the police!

What? You what?

I'm gonna tell them
everything about the case.

Might help with the case.

There is no case!

The man's in the ground.

But it's important. People
need to know the truth.

I'll go to the papers.

That's better.

Stop. Think.

It's over.

He's dead.

The distinguished thing.

Precisely.

What will it say
when we meet it?

How will it judge us?

There's no Judgement Day.

Here is life. No
God, no justice.

Just t...

two people in a room.

We did what we did,

and now we have to live with it.

(REFLECTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

NINA: It's fucking freezing!

JIMMY: It'll do you good.

(WATER SPLASHING)

Do you share your
baths with Tom?

- Not for years.
- (NINA LAUGHS)

Where is he?

He'll be back soon.

(HUMS DISTRACTEDLY)

You've got a little
boat. (CHUCKLES)

And you're welcome
to play with it.

(SHUDDERS)

NINA: Can I add some
hot water, please?

JIMMY: You're not sober yet.

Oh, come on!

JIMMY: Fine!

- NINA: Mm.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)

Did you really love my Olivia

or did you just
rave to enlist me?

(SIGHS)

I thought you were magnificent!

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

- I always will.
- Really?

Well, yes. (GRUNTS)

Maybe I should
tell Stephen's wife

about her father,

and me, and you.

(GRUNTS)

And why would you do that?

'Cause you've driven me mad,
and you've broken my heart.

(GRUNTING RESTLESSLY)

Yes, I'm going to confess
everything to Cora.

How do you like that, Jimmy?

(JIMMY BREATHES HEAVILY)

(KEYS JANGLING)

(DOOR OPENS)

TOM: Jimmy?

JIMMY: We're here.

(JIMMY PANTING)

(JIMMY GRUNTS)

TOM: I should call
for the police.

Oh, no, wait. Now, think.

No one knows she's here.

- No. No...
- (MUMBLES)

I owe you my life.

But I won't.

Oh...

You think you won't
be implicated?

Think the law won't
assume foul play?

A couple of queers
with a corpse?

Huh? Well, I don't
matter, but...

Oh, no, no, man, think
about your future.

Just one final task,
and then I promise

I will set you free.

(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(SOUND OF WATER DRIPPING)

- (SOUND OF WATER SPLASHING)
- (INHALES)

(SOMBRE MUSIC FADING OUT)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

Are you here to visit Nina?

I'm a friend. Stephen Wyley.

I'm, um, Annabel
Land, her mother.

Well, hello.

Hello! Good to meet you.

The dragon says
that she's not here.

So I've been... I've
been waiting all night.

Are you a close friend?

She... hasn't mentioned me?

Well, we... we've had a
sort of a falling out.

But, er, I'm completely
mad about her.

I've come to beg
her forgiveness.

She was found on a beach
last night in Kent.

Police said her alcohol levels

were really high.
(VOICE BREAKS)

Yeah, she...

She took her own life.

She'd attempted it before...

when she was 16.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)

CORA: This drowned actress.

Is her passing a great loss
to the British theatre?

An ordinary girl
from ordinary stock.

A girl like our readers, who,
I don't know, lost her way.

- Write it up, then.
- Hmm.

An appreciation.

(TYPING)

(CONTINUES TYPING)

(TYPING STOPS)

(SIGHS SOFTLY)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

(MIDNIGHT, THE STARS AND
YOU BY AL BOWLLY PLAYING)

(LIGHTER CLICKS)

(LAUGHTER)

JIMMY: The death of any
promising young actress

is always a shock.

Regarding Miss Nina
Land's recent passing,

it's tantamount to tragedy.

I raved about her.

And all too briefly,
she tasted glory.

Who knows what demons
drove poor Nina

to her lonely grave.

Perhaps the same demons

with which she
summoned greatness

in her final performances
on the London stage.

♪ Midnight with
the stars and you ♪

♪ Midnight and a rendezvous ♪

(TYPING)

♪ Your eyes held
a message tender ♪

♪ Saying, "I surrender
all my love to you" ♪

♪ Midnight brought
us sweet romance ♪

♪ I know ♪

- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- ♪ All my whole life through ♪

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

I'm sorry if my
letter upset you.

Why have you stayed
silent so long?

I was his accomplice.

In telling you, I
risk imprisonment.

And yet here you are.

I have a conscience.

(SCOFFS SOFTLY)

You seem surprised.

A man with a conscience
would have stopped Mr Erskine

a long time ago.

He was my friend.

I greatly admired him.

And he was kind to me.

So...

The letters he used to
blackmail your father.

I assume you'll be
wanting compensation?

(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUFFLED INDISTINCT
CHATTERING)

(FLASHBULB POPS)

(FLASHBULB POPS)

No.

Justice.

(HAMMERING ON DOOR)

(INSISTENT HAMMERING ON DOOR)

(PHONES RINGING)

(PLAINTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CELL DOOR SLAMS)

JIMMY: Tom,

did you follow the trial?

Did you see how I protected you?

"No, Your Honour,
I acted alone."

I do regret the
unpleasantness with Miss Land.

But, you see, she
couldn't be trusted.

I had no choice.

In fact, I rather liked her.

Despite her crimes
against the theatre,

she was sensationally
gorgeous when drunk.

As for Mr Wyley and
his oily little brush,

glad to be out of
his awful painting.

Immortality in their
company? No, thanks.

To the matter.

I've left you my entire estate.

It's not much. Furnishings,
minor works of art, books.

And I've appointed you
my literary executor.

Notoriety might
inspire publication

of my uncollected essays.

You'll find them in the file

you labelled
"miscellaneous shit".

I encourage you to continue
your education in the theatre.

I believe you have a
talent for the trade.

I once thought you were too
kind to plunge the dagger.

Events have revealed

you're made of stronger
stuff than I knew.

Tom,

- you know where I am.
- (APPLAUSE)

Do visit.

Please.

I won't be here forever.

(LIGHT CRACKLES)

(SENTIMENTAL CLASSICAL
MUSIC PLAYING)

(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)

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