All language subtitles for Everybody Hates Chris - 1x04 - Everybody Hates Sausage

[***]

NARRATOR:
Since I was the only black kid
at my school,

I thought people stared at me
all the time

because they were fascinated
with me.

Check it out.
His skin.

Was your hair
always like this?

Do you know
Gary Coleman?

[STUDENTS CHATTERING]

NARRATOR:
But I found out they were
just scared of me.

[LOCK CLICKS]

NARRATOR:
She didn't come out of that
classroom for a whole week.

Can you tell me
what's going on?

There's a rumor
about the fight.

NARRATOR:
I had a fight with Caruso,
the school bully.

He beat me so bad,
I had to take

the Underground Railroad
home.

STUDENTS [CHANTING]:
Fight! Fight!

NARRATOR:
But somehow that story
turned into this story:

Chris hit him in the jaw
so hard, my tooth fell out.

Chris knocked
Caruso's eye out,

put it back,
and then knocked it out again.

Chris beat the snot
out of him.

You can check his nose!
No snot!

Chris chased him home,
knocked out his family,

then took their house.

NARRATOR:
When a rumor like this
gets started,

you never know where it's going
to end up.

Are you sure about this?

Yes, sir. After Chris kicked
his teeth out, he said,

"And I better not see you
trying to smile, cracker."

Cracker...

Yes, sir. Cracker.

NARRATOR:
Dr. Raymond
was the principal,

and the last thing I needed
was for him

to think
I was making trouble.

Thanks, kid.

NARRATOR:
That kid snitched so much,

he made more money
than the teachers.

[***]

* Aw, make it funky now

[***]

[HUMMING]

Raise it up.

Higher. Higher!

Right there. That's good.
All right.

NARRATOR:
My brother Drew loved karate,
and he didn't take lessons.

All he had to do was see
somebody do something,

and then he could copy it.

Today, you'd call that
a music producer.

[KARATE YELL]

Chris! Breathe, breathe!

Ah...
What are you doing?

Practicing karate.

What are you going
to do with karate?

NARRATOR:
My father didn't see the reason
of learning anything

that didn't get you a job.

So how's school, Chris?

You working on anthropology
or paleontology,

something complicated, I bet.

NARRATOR:
My mother thought I was
learning all kinds of things

'cause I went
to a white school.

Nope, it's just
regular arithmetic.

Y'all hear that? White kids
are working on arithmetic.

Around here,
they're still doing math.

NARRATOR:
My mother always thought bigger
words meant something better.

Okay, say the blessing, baby.

Where's the meat?

We don't have any.

JULIUS:
Didn't you buy
some pork chops?

No, that meat
was too expensive.

JULIUS:
I know we got some canned Spam
or some Vienna sausage

or bacon...
or beef jerky. Some...

I mean, what kind of meal
is that without meat?

It's a vegetarian meal.

Do I look like
a vegetarian to you?

I work 60 hours a week.

I lift papers and boxes
all night.

I don't want vegetables.
I need meat.

Didn't you get paid today?

I quit my job yesterday.

Oh, I need you to be home

early on Thursday

so I can pick up
my check.

How come you quit?

They were disrespecting me,
Julius.

NARRATOR:
My father always
worked two jobs,

which made my mother
so comfortable,

she'd quit her job
over anything.

Check, please?

NARRATOR:
And I mean anything.

Now, do I look like I have
your check?

All that hollering.
I don't need this.

My husband has two jobs.

I don't need to be here
right now.

Hold my calls.

Who are you hollering at?

"Hold my calls."

Hold your own damn call!

I do not need this!
My man has two jobs!

NARRATOR:
My mother seemed to always

find work when she needed it,

so my father didn't complain
that much.

That's okay, baby.

I guess all those other people
are just crazy.

NARRATOR:
That look means
"I know I'm wrong,

but I'll be damned
if I'll admit it."

How about steak sauce?

We got steak sauce?

Hey, killer.

[GRUNTING]

Help me!

I've heard what you've
been saying, Meadowlark.

What? I haven't
been saying anything!

You don't think I have enough
problems without people thinking

I'm going around stomping
other people's teeth out?

Do I need that?
Then who's been saying it then?

NARRATOR:
There's "Got your back" guys,
and "I'll be back" guys.

CHRIS:
Greg!

NARRATOR:
Greg was a "I'm running
like a bitch" guy.

You two,
in my office now.

[BANGING]

NARRATOR:
Dr. Raymond hated his job

because he didn't
get paid enough.

[DISCO SONG PLAYING]

NARRATOR:
So he blew off steam
by dancing the nights away

with a few close friends.

[***]

You think I like calling you
into my office?

That's not
a rhetorical question.

What's a rhetorical question?

It's a question
that doesn't need an answer

because you already know
the answer when you ask it.

Who asked you?
Exactly.

Now let me be clear.

If I have any more trouble
from either of you,

you're going to detention.

NARRATOR:
Detention was a step up
from my old school.

In my old school,
if you did something wrong,

you had to fight the principal.

You want to fight so bad?
Fight me!

I ain't scared of you!
Well, bring it! Bring it!

Oh, no, you didn't!
You, you, you--
Come on!

NARRATOR:
You should have seen
what happened

when he tried to suspend her.

Why am I in trouble?
You heard.

He beat me up.

No, I didn't.

And he called me
a white cracker.

NARRATOR:
Can you believe this cracker?

You got a point, son.

Any more trouble,
that's detention.

NARRATOR:
Ain't this about a bitch?

What's this?
Meat.

Fresh sausage links.

I got a deal from the meat man.

[***]

NARRATOR:
In Bed-Stuy,
"getting a deal"

meant you bought something
that was stolen.

Now, everybody knew the stuff
was stolen, which was cool,

as long as it wasn't stolen
from you.

Hey! This is mine!

MAN:
You better keep running, boy!

Julius, look at all of this.

We'll be eating sausage
every meal for a whole week.

[SOFTLY]
If you hadn't quit your job,

maybe we'd have variety.
Huh?

Meat is good for society.

[***]

He said you
beat him up?

Yeah, and I mean, like,
Raymond believed it.

A hundred kids saw me
getting chased home.

And now, everyone's
afraid of me.

Caruso's already beaten
the heck out of me every day,

and I can't even try
to defend myself

without getting sent
to detention.

You know, I can't take this.

Well, why don't you
just punch him in the face?

You did do it before.

I didn't just walk up there
and pow, punch him in the face.

I had a plan...

which didn't include
getting beat down,

chased home
and sent to detention.

NARRATOR:
It was like I was getting
my ass kicked

for getting my ass kicked.

Back at home,
my mother was cooking.

I never knew how many meals
you could make with sausage.

Chicken-fried sausage,

sausage on a stick,

kung-pao sausage.
But there was only one problem.

I hate sausage.

Oh, come on, baby.
You haven't even tried it.

That's 'cause
I hate sausage.

NARRATOR:
That look means

"There's a smack over here,
if you want it."

Can she just eat
her vegetables?

I thought vegetables
wasn't a meal.

Now, I should send you
to Africa,

since you don't want to eat.

NARRATOR:
My mother could deal
with a lot of things,

but a child who wouldn't eat
was not one of them.

You're gonna sit there
until you eat that sausage.

NARRATOR:
That look means
"I'm still thinking about

knocking you
out of that chair."

Go to bed, girl.

NARRATOR:
People go to war
over a lot of things:

oil, land, lies, but this one
started over sausage.

[STUDENTS CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTS]
Jeez, what was that?

NARRATOR:
At school, Caruso tortured me
every chance he got.

A battery!

A D.
They're packing heavy.

[SNICKERING]

Come on, man.
Let's just go.

No, no!

I'm getting tired of him.

[***]

Look out!

NARRATOR:
If I'd have had a brick,
I'd have hit him.

Maybe he didn't see
who threw it.

Now, where were these guys
when Tupac got shot?

* Everybody hates Chris

NARRATOR:
After being beat down
and set up by Caruso,

detention was about
the safest place I could be,

as long I followed the rules.

The rules are clearly posted.
I suggest you read them.

NARRATOR:
The rules were simple:
you talk...

Ten minutes of detention.

NARRATOR:If you eat...
Ten minutes of detention.

NARRATOR:If you sleep...
Ten minutes of detention.

NARRATOR:
If you did anything
in detention

other than sit down
and shut up...

Ten minutes of detention.

NARRATOR:
Since I was the new guy
in detention,

everybody tried to get me
in more trouble.

What?
Ten minutes.

But for what?

Twenty minutes.

[SNICKERING]

NARRATOR:
I didn't tell my mother
I was in detention,

because then she'd come
up to school.

And there's nothing worse
than a mad black woman

at an all-white school.

I thought I told you to be here
so I pick up my check.

I missed my bus.

What were you doing
that you missed your bus?

Uh, I...
uh, I just forgot?

Oh. So you forgot
to come home?

NARRATOR:
I'll look pathetic
and she'll take pity.

Uh-uh.

What's this?
It's a bucket and a mop...

for mopping.

Do the steps,
the bathroom and the hall.

This'll help you to remember
to get your butt home on time.

I'm going to pick up my check.

[***]

NARRATOR:
After two days, Tanya hadn't
taken a bite of sausage.

And after having it for
breakfast, lunch and dinner,

she wasn't the only one
who hated it.

Mm...mm!
Now, this is good.

Isn't it good, baby?

Yeah. Yeah, it's good.

Mmm!

It's better than those
sausage-o's we had this morning,

I'll tell you that.

Well, anybody
want some cake?

Does it have sausage in it?

NARRATOR:
We didn't usually have cake,

but my mother was trying
to get at Tanya.

Can I have some cake?
You can have some sausage.

NARRATOR:
I told you.

Sausage.

NARRATOR:
Another day, another sausage.

Look, Tonya, if you
don't want sausage,

then you're probably better off
eating lunch at school, then.

I hate school lunch.

You want some sausage?

Xie xie nin,Mama.
What?

It's "Thank you, Mom"
in Chinese.

NARRATOR:
When my brother got into
something, he got into it.

You know, he's getting
Asian girls to this very day.

ROCHELLE:
Eh! Chris. I didn't get
my check yesterday

because I was late
getting over there.

I need you to have
your behind home on time.

Do you understand me, boy?
Yes, ma'am.

How many days
did you get?

Three.

[BELL RINGS]

Ooh, I better
get in there.

I can't be late
getting home today.

You're late.
Ten minutes.

But I was right
outside the door.

Outside is not inside.
20 minutes.

But--
Would you like
to try for 30 minutes?

NARRATOR:
I wonder how many
minutes I'd get

for knocking her upside
the head with this book.

Mom-- School-- But--
No! Eh! Don't!

NARRATOR:
That look means,
"Get in this house

before I smack the wax
out your ears."

[***]

Baby, just try it.
It's good.

NARRATOR:
After a few days of sausage for
breakfast, lunch and dinner,

would you believe my mother
started running out of ideas?

Mmm! Sausage and Pop-Tarts.

You're eating the sausage.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

Well, excuse me, children.

Your father would like
to talk to me.

Let's talk.

Baby, if she doesn't eat,

they could call
child welfare on us.

Mm-mm, Julius, that
little girl is testing me.

If I let her tell me
what she will and won't eat,

the next thing you know,
she'll be telling me

what she will
and won't wear.

Next thing you know,
she'll be telling me

when she will
and won't come home!

The next thing you know,
she's going to end up pregnant,

and I ain't taking care
of no babies.

NARRATOR:
My mother thought anything
that Tanya did wrong

would eventually
get her pregnant.

And she ain't taking care
of no babies.

But it's been two days.

Oh, Julius,
it's been three days.

Right. Three days.

[***]

Did you feed
her something?

Here's a peanut
butter sandwich.

When your mama comes down,
talk to the side,

so she can't smell
your breath.

And eat the crust.
I don't like crust!

[SOFTLY]
I don't like crust.

Just eat it, girl.

NARRATOR:
Would you believe my father
had to come back

and finish the crust?

I'm sorry, baby.
Julius!

I understand
what you're trying to do.

[SIGHS]
We can put her on punishment.

Whatever.

I mean...
But we have to feed her.

The next time, why don't you
let somebody know

before you buy
a whole crate of sausage?

Thank you!

[SOFTLY]
Next time why don't you
let somebody know

when you quit your job?

I'm sorry?

Hey, uh...

I-I was going tell you...

I'm-I'm going to get
chicken next time.

My man got some hook-up
on the chicken.

NARRATOR:
Dr. Raymond pulled me
out of detention

because he thought
talking to me

would keep me out of trouble.

Son, I know things are rough
for you here.

But just because
you don't have a father...

But I do have a father.

Well, when your mother
is on drugs...

My mom's not on drugs.

I understand, but being born
a crack baby is no excuse.

I wasn't born a crack baby.
Look, son.

I'm trying to help you.

I know it's rough,
but I suggest you try to fit in.

And the next time
you throw a battery,

that's an automatic
suspension.

Why do I have to get suspended?

Caruso's the one
that started it.

He's calling me names
and beating my butt

every chance he gets.

And I never called him
a cracker.

[***]

Are you sure about this?
Yeah.

Good.

NARRATOR:
To this day, I don't know
if he believed me

or he thought I was packing.

Stay out of trouble.

So, what happened?

Oh. Raymond let me go.

But he thinks
I'm a crack baby.

Listen, I just want
to get home.

My mother is making
spaghetti tonight.

NARRATOR:
It was the only time
that week she made a meal

that actually
went with sausage.

Hey, it's Tenspeed
and Brownshoe.

What, no detention today?

Look, why don't you
just leave me alone?

I mean, what do
you want me to do?

Go around
and tell everybody

you beat the heck out of me?
Yeah.

Fine. I'm just getting tired
of you messing with me.

Oh, "I'm just getting tired
of you messing with me."

NARRATOR:
You just can't reason
with a bully.

I don't care.

Greg...

NARRATOR:
I told you,
running like a bitch.

I know it looks like
I'm taking the high road,

but all I'm doing
is buying time.

Remember, bullies
are kind of like dogs.

They usually don't chase you
unless you run.

[***]

What are you doing?

I'm getting revenge.

* You can't hide

BOY:
Think he went outside?

[NECK CRACKING]

[YELLING]

NARRATOR:
Just how long is he going
to wait to stop this?

All of you.

In my office.

Now.

[***]

Pick that stuff up.

NARRATOR:
Despite numerous
internal injuries,

seeing Caruso go to detention
still felt good.

That night,
I got home on time,

my mother got her check,

but Tanya still wouldn't
eat her sausage.

[SIGHS]
Baby, just try it, okay?

But I don't like it.

ROCHELLE:
But if you don't try it,
you'll never know.

I didn't used to like
your father, and now I do.

And I definitely
didn't like you, Tanya.

[CHUCKLES]

I never liked Drew.

And I hated your mother.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Come on, baby,
you can do it.

Just try it.
A little bit.

Okay.

[***]

It's good.

[ALL CHEER]

NARRATOR:
Now I'd love to sit here
and tell you

that we had the sort of
loving family

that worked out all
its problems

with love, compassion
and patience,

that we ended every day
with hugs and laughter,

but here's what really
happened that night...

[SIGHS]
Baby, just try it, okay?

But I don't like it.

You're going to eat
this sausage!

Do you hear me?
Girl, do you think

I'm playing with you?

JULIUS:
Oh, no! No! Rochelle!

No! Rochelle!
[TONYA SCREAMING]

Rochelle, no,
no, no, no!

NARRATOR:
It took us about an hour
to get my mother off

of Tanya's behind,
but eventually,

Tanya did eat her sausage.

And as for my mother,
well, to this very day,

she still ain't raising
no babies.

* A dream come true

[***]

* Aw, make it funky now