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1
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[snoring]
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[theme music starts]
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[Odie groans and sniffs]
4
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[groans in confusion]
5
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[groaning continues]
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[Garfield] Dogs... why?
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That is the subject of our program.
8
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And I hope you'll stay tuned
as we delve into the mystifying
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00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,920
and somewhat inexplicable,
behavior of the species known as dogs...
10
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,720
but more formally canis lupus familiaris,
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-or as I like to call them, "muttonheads."
-[Odie slurping]
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To understand dogs,
we must retrace their history,
13
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,400
to have a better understanding
of what made them what they are today...
14
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slobbering, flea hotels
that drink out of toilets.
15
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Most scientists believe that dogs
are directly descended from the grey wolf.
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The grey wolf was both a hunter,
and a hunted.
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-[howling]
-Wolves travel in packs,
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and use a loud
and annoying howl to communicate.
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A wolf's howl can be heard
up to ten miles.
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And their breath
can be smelled up to 17 miles.
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[wolves snarling]
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It is difficult to say exactly how
the first wolf was tamed,
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paving the way to the present-day
domesticated dog.
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[Odie groaning]
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[sighs] Charming, aren't they?
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Moving on...
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Early cavemen used dogs to help them hunt.
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Dogs had an acute sense of smell
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and they could pick up scents
that the cavemen could not.
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[birds chirping]
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[dog sniffing]
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-[bees buzzing]
-[caveman screams]
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As you see,
dogs were quite helpful to early man.
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[dog sniffs]
35
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[dog screams and crashes]
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[dog yelping]
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[dog screams and crashes]
38
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[dog yelping]
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[sniffs]
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[cave woman screaming]
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[screams and crashes]
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Man continued
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to train and tame the dog.
44
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He must've been searching
45
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for some reason for a dog to exist.
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[Odie growls]
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This next evolution in dog-dom,
48
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or as I like to say, "dumb dog-dom,"
introduced us to the "working dog."
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[medieval music playing]
50
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[farmer groans]
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[Garfield] The "working dog" was a dog
52
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that was good
at herding, hauling, and pulling.
53
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[squirrel blows a raspberry]
54
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-[dog barking]
-[farmer screaming]
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Obviously, man had his work
cut out for him
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in trying to turn the "working dog"
into something of value.
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[growls]
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That's right, boy. In fact, I believe
you were bred to be a "working dog,"
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specifically a paper weight,
or a doorstop, or a big stone.
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[Odie growls]
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Good boy. For a brief time, dogs became
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slightly more sophisticated,
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as lords and ladies of the manor,
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hoping to find a purpose for the dog,
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used their beasts for sport.
66
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[bugle resonates]
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[dog one] I do say, is that a covey
of pheasants in the distance?
68
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[dog two] I do believe you're right,
Nigel. Shall we point the way?
69
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[Nigel] Indeed. Let's...
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[dog two] Tea?
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Somehow, between then and now,
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dogs became very... very stupid.
73
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-[camera crew] How stupid are they?
-[Garfield] I thought you'd never ask.
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I'll show you how stupid.
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May we have a well-respected scientist,
please?
76
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Good afternoon, or good evening.
I have no idea what time it is,
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but I am here to test the intelligence
of your average dog.
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But first, as a comparison, I shall test
a non-dog animal.
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Might I have a volunteer?
80
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[Garfield] Here's your volunteer.
Check my smarts, professor.
81
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[professor] Yes, very good.
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We shall check the brain power
of this pussycat.
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-[wheels squeaking]
-[Garfield laughs nervously]
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[electric waves buzz]
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According to this, the cat is as smart
as a rocket scientist,
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a brilliant surgeon, a great philosopher.
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How about the guy who invented
microwave lasagna?
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Now, I am to test a dog.
But where will I find a dog to test?
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[Garfield] Un momento, scientist-type.
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[Garfield panting]
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Here... this is a dog. I know that
because I'm incredibly smart.
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[wheels squeak]
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[Garfield] Stay!
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[electric waves buzz]
95
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Now, I shall measure the power
of his brain.
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Any second now...
97
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It is here somewhere, and it's...
[screams]
98
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There it is!
No... that's a pimple. [groans]
99
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Here, maybe this will help.
100
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[Odie whining]
101
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[scientist laughs] Found it!
102
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According to this,
103
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the dog is as smart as a...
common house plant.
104
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An amoeba! A medium-size container
of potato salad!
105
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[Odie groans]
106
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[Garfield] Don't take it so hard, Odie.
Potato salad's very popular.
107
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Nice work, professor.
108
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,960
-Glad to be of service, Garfield.
-Sometime this century,
109
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people got the notion
that dogs were fashionable.
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[clears throat]
111
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They even carried dogs around
like they were accessories.
112
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[Garfield] I guess if you can't find
anything useful to do with a dog,
113
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you might as well dress it up
and take it out.
114
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[dog barking]
115
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[dog groaning]
116
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[garbage can rattles]
117
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[woman screams]
118
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[Garfield groans] Check that.
119
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I guess you can dress a dog up,
but apparently you cannot take them out.
120
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,520
[director] And we're clear.
121
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Nice job, Garfield. Let's take five.
122
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-[Odie protesting]
-[Garfield] Hold the phone!
123
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I didn't write The History of Dogs,
I'm just narrating it.
124
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[Odie continues protesting]
125
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I know, boy, I'd be embarrassed too.
126
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,800
I think you need a little fresh air.
127
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:00,800
[Odie barks]
128
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:06,400
Dogs. Can't live with them...
can't live with them.
129
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,000
-[Odie barks]
-[Hercules barks]
130
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,280
Garfield!
131
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,360
[barks]
132
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,280
[doberman barks and growls]
133
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,680
[rottweiler barks]
134
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,400
[all dogs bark]
135
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,440
[sniffing]
136
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,560
[all dogs sniffing and howling]
137
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[all together] Fire!
138
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[dramatic music playing]
139
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[dogs barking]
140
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[sawing]
141
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,080
[rottweiler growls at Vito]
142
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:08,880
[barks sharply]
143
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,960
Mamma mia! A fire!
144
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[fire crackles]
145
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You dogs, you saved me!
You saved my pizza!
146
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It's a miracle. Thank you, good doggies.
147
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[director] What? Vito's is on fire?
148
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,600
[Garfield groans in horror]
149
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[reporter] You say the dogs saved you,
and your pizza parlor?
150
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:48,480
That's right. The dogs saved Vito,
Vito's building, Vito's pizza.
151
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,560
They are heroes.
152
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,560
They woke me up and put out the fire.
153
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:52,600
All these dogs,
154
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these brilliant, brave dogs.
155
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:59,680
They saved Vito. They get free pizza...
for life!
156
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,600
[deflated] You've got to be kidding me.
157
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:08,320
[clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen,
and cats... and dogs.
158
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,000
During the course of filming
The History of Dogs,
159
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an unusual thing happened. Witness...
160
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[dogs barking]
161
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Therefore, I must conclude that while dogs
do love to drink out of toilets,
162
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sniff each other, slobber, drool, and--
163
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,560
[dogs growl angrily]
164
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:32,840
I must also admit that throughout history,
dogs have exhibited some admirable traits.
165
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,320
They have keen sight and smell.
166
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,960
[barks]
167
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,080
They're strong.
168
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,120
[barks]
169
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,240
-They are intelligent.
-[barks]
170
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,040
And they are loyal and brave.
171
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,040
[Odie panting]
172
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:51,400
In conclusion, let's say that dogs
are not worthless beads of sweat...
173
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,960
[dogs growl]
174
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,080
...they might actually have some value.
175
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,720
That they might, in fact,
be man's best friend.
176
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,200
And cut. That's a wrap, people.
177
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,280
So, how was that?
178
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,840
-[dogs bark enthusiastically]
-[Garfield gasps]
179
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:15,560
And did I mention that
they are cat's best friend as well?
180
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,800
[theme music starts]
13404
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