All language subtitles for Grotesquerie S01E08 (Awafim.tv)

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♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[Merritt]
...a significant hurdle is

the efficient delivery
of RNA molecules

to cancer cells

while avoiding
off-target effects.

It's unstable in the body.

And then there's

a high likelihood
of immune responses.

The answer, I believe...

...is in developing
ultrasophisticated nanoparticles

to encapsulate and protect
RNA molecules,

improving their stability.

Let's, uh, pick this up
next session, guys, okay?

[Witticomb]
It's good of you
to see me, Doctor.

I didn't think you would.

You're the last holdout within
your mother's inner circle.

[chuckles softly]
Well, Doctor Witticomb,

I'm not really sure
what good I'd be,

or even what your approach
to her therapy is.

I mean, how exactly am I
important to this process?

It's controversial, what I do.

Neuroimaging.

Functional MRI and EEG show

patterns of brain activity
that look like aspects

- of dream activity.
- So she was...

"locked in"
rather than comatose?

She was in a liminal state,

and at times,
very aware of her dreams.

She has an extraordinary
recall of them.

And if we can advance
the science

of communicating
to people in comas,

my hope is we can find ways
to awaken them.

[softly]
Well...

I'd feel like an asshole
if I didn't help.

Thanks.

- [chuckles softly]
- I should warn you,

it's not an enjoyable process.

You'll hear things
you won't like.

Do you mind if I record you?

Fire away.

In her dream,

you were in, um, some sort
of reality television show.

Television? I hate television.

The only thing I watch is, like,
The Wire on a loop. [chuckles]

So, what's the name
of the show I was on?

Half-Ton Trauma.

A show in which
morbidly obese people...

Try to lose weight.

I told you
this would not be easy.

[sighs]

Well, that woman isn't easy.

Your star patient.

[Lois grunts softly]

[Jill]
Just center.

Good, good. Okay. It's okay.

It's okay. Just try it again.

Good, just...

- Oh.
- Shit.

I couldn't do this
before I was in a coma.

Jesus Christ!

[sighs]

What the fuck do you want?

Just want to see
how you're doing.

Fuck off.

You tried to kill me.

I heard all of it. All of it!

- Lois, you hallucinated
half of what you heard.
- Mm-mm.

- Mm-mm.
- I wasn't trying to kill you.
I was trying to keep you alive.

- [Jill] Lois, please...
- I-I...

I am done with all of this,
all of you.

I-I want to go home.
I just want to go home.

Okay, let me just... One second.

It's okay. Let me just...

- It's okay.
- Don't touch me.

- Okay, just reach out--
- Don't touch me!

[indistinct P.A. announcements]

- [quick beep]
- [sharp thump]

- [quick beep]
- [sharp thump]

[monitors beeping rapidly]

[heart monitor flatlining]

[Mayhew]
Paddles!

Mom, you better fight.

[Mayhew]
Clear. I need adrenaline.

- You fucking bitch. Fight!
- [urgent chatter]

♪ ♪

You know, I never understood
why you're such a royalist.

Look at them,
disasters in the making.

Di, filled with terror and hope.

Charles,

grim and loving someone else.

[Redd]
I'm gonna roast a chicken. Yeah?

Could use a prep chef.

[Marshall]
Um...

I don't really want to move,

I'm not hungry.

It's fine, yeah.

I could use
the activity actually.

Maybe you'll be hungry
by the time it's ready, huh?

[Marshall]
Mm.

Always think of the future,

even if it's only in one-hour
increments. [chuckles softly]

That's why I like
the royal family.

They're always thinking
about the future

but always in relation
to the traditions of the past.

I guess we need
all the rituals we can get.

Like roasting a chicken.
[laughing]

I'm not staying in it.

She's awake. I'm divorcing her.

I'm done.

Can you do that?

I mean, can you live
with that decision?

You stayed for all of it.

Why would you stay
with me anymore

if I didn't leave now?

The ritual of it?

You being here?

And, you know,
I think that maybe

this is the place where
you're really at peace, right?

Don't do it because you think
you'll lose me if you don't.

I started the process
to get her out of my life.

I saw the lawyer, Mr. Berger.

He's drawing it up.

I hope she has some sort
of life after all this,

that she realize that
to stay together is impossible

when you know too much
about who you both are.

She knows I wanted her to die.

I whispered in her ear
during visits.

First it was, "You can go."

Then it progressed to...

Please just fucking die.

She heard everything
the doctors said.

Can you imagine the level
of stamina and control

to be in a coma
and never turn off

your fucking satellites
and antenna?

[exhales softly]

Charles.

I always admired him.

She was clearly mentally ill.

He was clearly
hardwired for duty.

He kept going,
living in his duty.

Finally finding happiness
with the woman he always loved.

♪ ♪

- I think I'll eat now.
- Yeah.

with Chief of Police,
Megan Duval.

[clears throat]

So, you would not describe
your relationship

with Detective Tryon
as adversarial?

No. She was a mentor to me.

She was thrilled
when I became chief.

I listened to her.
I took her counsel.

And what about the case
of Andrea Salana?

♪ ♪

How do you think
she handled that?

[Megan]
She blew it.
She totally blew it.

She should have helped
that woman way earlier,

and I was very up-front
about it.

Go on.

It was shit police work,

and she was guilty,
she was slipping

and she was tired and, um...

and I fucking let her know it.

It did result in some tension,

but she was always
very up-front with me,

and I had to pay her
the same respect.

We did have one fight

right before
her retirement party

where I let her know how I felt.

She had sudden qualms
about actually leaving,

and I said,
"Hey, babe, it's time."

[laughter, chatter]

I had made this punch.

What color was the punch?

Purple.

Violet really.

It was awful.

- Go to hell.
- Cheers.

[Witticomb]
Thank you, Chief.

One last thing.
The color of the punch,

was it more like...

...the color of a bruise?

Yes.

Very much so.

And were there bruises
on Andrea Salana's body

when she was found dead?
Purple bruises?

♪ ♪

She had been
beaten to death, yes.

She looked like a different
species from all the bruising.

[sniffles]

[sighs]

[train horn blares]

♪ ♪

[TV playing quietly]

You're late.

I'm mad hungry.

Mmm.

[sighs]

Blood sugar must be
low or something.

- I don't know.
- I'm not in the mood
for your shit, Justin.

I'll heat up the Chinese.

♪ ♪

[microwave beeps, whirring]

[sighs]

[pained grunting]

[Megan groaning]

[chuckles softly]

Is this what you want?

Is it?

You know I'm gonna have a shiner
from your fucking fist!

And they know you
at the precinct.

Too many bruises,
too many emotional crying calls.

You want me to just end this
for you?

Is that what you want, Justin?

You don't have
the fucking balls, Meg.

Just get the fuck out.

It's my house.

My house, my rules,

- my--
- [gun clicks]

[panting]

Fine. Stay then.

Enjoy dinner,

- you fuck.
- [shouts]

Fuck!

Fucking bitch!

["Slow Burn" by Baby Rose
and BADBADNOTGOOD playing]

♪ Don't you worry ♪

♪ An old flame used to show me ♪

♪ Fire don't have to burn ♪

♪ He said,
"Baby, don't you worry" ♪

♪ Don't you worry ♪

♪ There's only more to learn ♪

[water splashing]

♪ Every laugh, every touch,
every kiss ♪

♪ Can haunt me at times ♪

[splashing continues]

♪ I would lie
if I said in your eyes ♪

♪ I don't see the signs ♪

♪ Carry on,
no longer yours to love ♪

♪ But your memory chimes ♪

♪ Back and forth sometimes ♪

♪ If I stay till the end,
will I find ♪

♪ Your love ♪

♪ Your love, babe ♪

♪ Is fire in my veins ♪

♪ Slowly burns, slowly burns ♪

♪ Only you can set me free ♪

♪ It's taken ahold of me ♪

♪ Future turns to flashes ♪

♪ Time turns into ashes ♪

♪ 'Cause only you can make me ♪

♪ Stay ♪

- [door opens]
- [bell jingles]

[over radio]
♪ Only you can make me ♪

♪ Stay ♪

Hello.

Checking in?

♪ Only you can make me ♪

♪ Stay ♪

♪ And only your love
can make me ♪

♪ Stay... ♪

Would you like
some ice, my dear?

Just a quiet room, please.

♪ Stay ♪

Thank you.

♪ And only your love
can make me. ♪

- [door opens]
- [bell rings]

Well, we did meet,
but you were barely awake,

coming back from
the dream state.

So, are you ready
to go back to the real world?

Uh, I mean, I am.

It's just...

It's a lot to process.

You know? And...

my dreams were just so real.

And it will take
a long time to unpack,

but we can do that together.

If you want,
sessions a few times a week,

sifting through
whatever you do remember?

I was in a coma for six weeks,
and it...

felt like a lifetime.

Then, other times,
it just felt like

one long...

...night of
an endless nightmare.

And-and sometimes I feel like

I'm-I'm still in a coma,
and I'm just

in a maze,

trying to work my way through.
[stammers]

I feel like that now.

We are both very much awake.

And I think
there are very few cases

as valuable as yours, Lois,

in terms of understanding
the ways in which

the subconscious plays a part
in activating and healing

and even reawakening
the brain and body.

Are you sure?

I was there, Lois.

I saw your brain activity.

I saw areas of your brain
light up.

I know the emotions
you were feeling,

and I know when you felt them.

I just feel... stuck.

My dreams were very...

Very violent, I know.

Yeah.

And when you're able
to discuss those

and what you recollect of them,

the more you'll be able
to put the violence in context

so you can move forward.

Do you remember
any of the conversations we had

where you told me
some of what you dreamed?

...put them all together
and made one body...

[Witticomb]
We did this for several days.

...like a Frankenstein.

Mm-hmm.

Let's begin.

Why do you think
you put your daughter

on a TV show
called Half-Ton Trauma?

You would say because
I felt disgusted by her.

Is that what I would say?
What would you say?

I've seen a lot.

You know? In my job,
enormous shut-ins...

...dead of heart disease,

lifted out of their homes
by a crane.

In the dream, there were times
when you force-fed Merritt.

This is a safe place
to talk about it.

I don't know why
I was that angry at her.

In dreams,

it's safer to express anger
than in waking life.

Or perhaps you aren't angry
at all but ashamed of her?

Which could be even harder
for you to process than anger.

Is that possible?

I don't... I don't, I don't,
I don't even know

why we got to talk about this.

I-I just want
to put it all behind me

and move forward.

I read somewhere that-that-that
we're not even

supposed to remember our dreams.
That's why we don't, and...

May I tell you what I think?

You felt a lack of control
in your marriage,

so you put your husband
in a coma.

Uh-huh. What else?

You felt threatened
by your colleague, Megan,

a person who seemed to do
everything right,

when you were
always in the wrong,

a "holier than thou" figure,
so you literally made her a nun.

And what about Grotesquerie?

Does it... represent me?

Grotesquerie is the stand-in,
the totem.

For the way the world,
according to Lois Tryon, now is.

What your work exposed you to,
what you suppress.

The long-term PTSD
of the work you did.

I looked that word up.

"Grotesquerie." It means...

..."to live in a world

"that is grotesque

and make-believe."

It was hardly make-believe.

You were a homicide detective

dealing with
the most unspeakable crimes.

I've read your case files.

What you dealt with could only
be described as such, grotesque.

I feel like you were
the tip of some spear,

fighting the spirit of evil
in our time.

Almost someone
who sacrificed themselves

in order to combat it.

Maybe.

I have seen the worst

of the worst of the worst,

daily, endlessly.

Endlessly.

In my dreams...

...I was still a drunk.

Which I am not.

"Anymore. Not anymore."

But dreams of using
are very, very common

in addicts and alcoholics.

A way of making sense
of the shackles,

trying to free oneself.

Is sobriety not a lifetime
of day-to-day decision making?

What about Andrea?

Go!

Andrea?

What do you think?

Your guilt, Lois.

Mishandling that case
was the tipping point.

A horrible tragedy,
but also the catalyst

for you finally asking for help.

Yeah.

My sponsor, Ed.
Merritt's husband...

In the dream, you made him
a caretaker. Fitting.

How did the affair
with Ed begin in real life?

[scoffs]

He was just there.

It's that simple, Doctor.

Getting sober is a shock
to the system.

You have to relearn
how to be a person.

You gonna let me off the hook

for fucking
my daughter's husband?

Only you can do that.

What else?

[sighs] Dr. Mayhew. Charlie.

[sighs] This is particularly
fascinating to me

because it proves that you were
cognizant of your surroundings.

Well, he-he turned out
to be the killer.

You felt powerless.

You were hearing someone
who was supposed to be your ally

talking about ending your life,
taking you off the ventilator.

So you thrust him with Megan.

They became lovers
in your fantasy.

The two people trying to take
your job and your life.

You were so alone.

The only person who cared
about you in the end was--

Marshall's girlfriend.

Whom you cast as a nurse
in charge of his care.

The person your husband
was cheating on you with

became a malevolent archetype.

I didn't hate her.

I mean...

...there were some feelings
of bitterness, but...

...that woman is a goddamn saint

to deal with Marshall
all those years.

I mean, God only knows
what would've happened

if I would've had to deal
with him by myself.

Maisie, who worked
as your housekeeper,

you board her as well,
I believe?

What about Maisie?

In your dream...

...she murdered children.

I find it interesting that,

of the many people
who incurred your wrath...

...she wasn't one of them.

You helped Maisie,
got her to the hospital,

empathized with her.

And in return,
she helped you catch the killer.

You know how we met,
Maisie and I?

[protestors chanting]
Choose life! Choose life!

- Choose life! Choose life!
- [overlapping shouting]

[chanting and clamoring
continue]

[Lois]
She chained herself
to an abortion clinic.

- Choose life! Choose life!
- [protestors chanting]
Choose life! Choose life!

[Lois]
I got called to the scene.

They cut her loose, and...

she was yelling in my face,
all this pro-life nonsense.

[inaudible dialogue]

♪ ♪

And the more she wailed...

...the more I saw myself.

Under the...

...layers of grandstanding

was the same stuff.

Love.

Fear.

Hope.

Most of all, hope.

[Witticomb]
And what about today?

Do you still feel hope?

It comes and it goes. Hope.

A very wise conclusion.

To be continued.

Yup. [sighs]

♪ ♪

I got it. I got it.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Thanks.

[Megan]
Do you know why nobody
was there to pick you up?

[Lois]
I got a pretty good guess.

The affairs.

Everyone was interviewed
by the brilliant Dr. Witticomb

so you know something
about my dreams.

That and my
general unpleasantness.

[Megan]
Let me set you straight
on a few things.

I'm not your enemy.

I have only respect for you.

I idolized you.

You want to turn me into
a killer, that's your business.

Jesus Christ.

They were the dreams
of a woman in a coma, okay?

They're not
binary representations

of real feelings.

Oh, you don't resent me?

You don't feel I pushed you
out of your position?

Usurped you?

[laughs]

Look, kid, I have enough
to feel shitty about

for things that I did
in my waking life.

Let's not make me responsible
for my subconscious, too.

Y-You think, if you had
a glimpse into your mind,

you'd like what you saw?

Really like what you saw?

[Megan]
That's exactly the response
of your entire generation.

"We're not responsible
for anything."

[engine shuts off]

And you millennials blame us
for everything around you.

Such fucking professional
victims, all of you.

E-Entitled,

outraged
at-at real grown-up shit.

It's the real world.

Not something we did to you.

Well, let's count them.

The selfishness acts.

Doing nothing to tackle
the problems you create.

Leaving us to clean up
all your messes.

The way you left me to clean up
the Andrea Salana mess.

Okay.

That's what this is about.

You resent me for that case.

It's not about global warming
or whatever the fuck.

I was your partner.
I looked bad, too.

And I trusted you.

And I'm named
in her family's lawsuit

against the department
because of you.

But I'm not your enemy.

Clearly, you're not.

I mean, you were kind enough
to pick me up today,

to give me lessons
in your virtues.

Typical millennial
self-righteousness.

Surprised you ain't sued me
and my dreams

for emotional distress.

I should.

Grow the fuck up.

[car door opens]

[car door closes]

And one more thing.

You may have heard
in my dream coma state

that you were possessed,
foaming at the mouth.

Fascinating.
I did not know this.

Also in my dream state,

I distinctly remember
you having bruises.

Much like you do right now.

Then, like now, subconscious
or motherfucking reality,

let me be clear, baby girl.

You are being possessed.

Break free while you can.

I see you.

[car door closes]

[sighs]

[Lois]
Maisie?

[chuckling softly]

Welcome home, Mrs. Tryon.

Maisie.

[Maisie]
I said to that doctor,

"Mrs. Tryon is the person
who helped me.

That's who she was
and that's who she has been."

He didn't want to hear it.
Kept digging for darkness.

I said, "She saved me
and gave me a job."

And who can blame someone for
what they see in their dreams?

Everyone has a shadow.
Don't they know that?

Why isn't anyone here for you?

You are.

But... [sighs]

dreams, they are...

the closest you get
to truth, I think.

Maybe all my anger
at everyone...

Maybe that is my deepest truth.

That's good.

- Ten.
- [Lois exhales]

Okay, good.

- 11, good.
- [Lois strains]

One more, one more.

- [groaning]
- 12. Good job.

One more, one more. Come on.

- [Lois] It's too heavy.
- [Jill chuckles]

Okay, okay, that's good.

You know, you could only do five
when you started.

You're up to 12.

I feel like a kindergartener.

Don't be so quick
to compliment me, Jill.

[Mayhew]
Lois, you are the only patient
that I've ever met

that scoffs
at positive reinforcement.

[Lois]
Because I know
it's manipulation.

It's how I used to get
my suspects to confess.

One day, you're gonna
confess to me, too.

Didn't you hear it
when I was in that coma?

I heard everything.

["It Ain't Necessarily So"
by Sammy Davis Jr. playing]

♪ It ain't necessarily so ♪

♪ It ain't necessarily so... ♪

This is not a very good idea,
Mrs. Tryon.

Are any of my ideas good?

Hiring me.

That's the only one.

[laughs]

Okay.

I got to do this, Maisie.

I have to.

♪ David was small but-- ♪

[birds chirping]

[Lois sighs]

Hey.

I figured I'd hear from you.

You been out, what, a day now
and you rush over and see me?

We need to talk.

Are you sure
you want to talk to me?

Might want to talk
to my husband instead.

I can write down
his address for you.

If you're looking to pick up
where you left off.

Sucking his dick.

Get it all out now.

So we can talk.

You know, there's something

I've been needing
to say to you, so...

avante.

I have an idea about
what you want to talk about.

The main thing you want
to discuss, and I don't care.

You really think
I'm that unsophisticated?

I mean, your dreams
are your dreams.

I'm not gonna castigate you
for how you see me in them.

The shut-in slob living at home,

depending on you? [laughs]

Desperate to go on
a reality television show

for the sclerotic obese, right?

Did I...
I got that right, right?

That's how you picture me
in your dream life?

Well, Mom, I have two
postdoc degrees in biochemistry,

and I am perfectly prepared
to accept the fact

that in order for you
to deal with me,

you had to reduce me
to a fat freak

because you're
so fucking insecure.

Look, I hate
that I felt that way.

I know how wrong it is.
How wrong it was.

But all I can say is that--

"W-We're not responsible
for our dreams"?

I know that.

I agree!

But that is not
your crime, lady.

That is not
your unforgivable sin.

You know that.

So can we please just cut
the deflective bullshit

and have a real come-to-Jesus?

- Okay.
- Please.

You want to talk about

how I could have possibly
slept with your husband.

Okay, it was...

[sighs]

...misplaced aloneness.

It was...

It was self-pity and...

...booze and...

...finding myself alone in life.

I mean, your father had
basically abandoned me--

[stammers]

This was not about sex, Merritt.

Okay? It was about...

...emotion.

It was about connection.

[panting]

Most women will find someone
suitable to cheat with.

Someone outside of their orbit.

Their child's own partner?

Most women would find that
to be taboo.

But not you.

You're not like most women,
are you?

[chuckles derisively]

You are...
something else entirely.

You see, all that time spent

around killers and psychopaths,

it's rubbed off on you.

Consider that.

They were contagious
and you caught their diseases.

Why not?

You see, I-I remember...

I remember when you weren't
a fucking insane person, Mom.

I remember when
you were a good mother.

Walking me to school,

waiting there until I felt safe
before you left.

I remember all the good parts.

All of them.

And that's what makes this
even worse.

Please allow yourself
to understand that...

...my husband's betrayal
is totally predictable.

But yours?

[scoffs softly]

Yours broke my heart.

You broke my heart, Mom.

And I wake up every day
stunned by it.

Amazed by it.

S-Still unable to process it.

I could only hope
that you feel the same.

But I know you don't.

Get the fuck out of my house.

[retreating footsteps]

We should go get
a vanilla milkshake.

[sighs]

[chuckles softly]

I did tell you
that it was a bad idea.

[Lois]
Yeah.

It was a new beginning.
It's what I need to...

...go on.

Let's get a milkshake.

Ow.

[engine starts]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

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