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1
00:00:04,648 --> 00:00:07,825
[militaristic drum cadence]
2
00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:09,956
- Today nerds are cool,
3
00:00:09,957 --> 00:00:11,935
but in the '80s,
we had a whole class
4
00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:15,047
dedicated to
reminding us we weren't, gym.
5
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:17,147
[groaning]
6
00:00:17,148 --> 00:00:19,778
- [sniff] I love the smell of
torn underwear in the morning.
7
00:00:19,779 --> 00:00:24,147
- But misery loves company,
and my company was Greg.
8
00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:26,017
I was lucky to have him,
9
00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:29,306
especially because it was the
most miserable time of year,
10
00:00:29,307 --> 00:00:30,666
dodgeball week.
11
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:32,960
[sighs]
Are you ready for this?
12
00:00:32,961 --> 00:00:34,635
- Here.
I have an extra.
13
00:00:34,636 --> 00:00:36,360
- I don't want
your hand-me-down cup.
14
00:00:36,361 --> 00:00:38,564
- If you don't use one, you'll
need some hand-me-down nuts.
15
00:00:38,565 --> 00:00:41,198
- Dodgeball was five days
of state-sanctioned
16
00:00:41,199 --> 00:00:42,785
child warfare.
17
00:00:42,786 --> 00:00:44,076
It started in PE.
18
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:45,457
[whistle blows]
19
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:47,795
Ugh!
[whistle blows]
20
00:00:47,796 --> 00:00:49,821
But it affected
every class in school,
21
00:00:49,822 --> 00:00:53,372
social studies, science.
22
00:00:53,373 --> 00:00:55,388
We weren't even safe
if we were right outside
23
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,764
the principal's office.
24
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:59,103
Ugh!
Seriously?
25
00:00:59,104 --> 00:01:00,172
Huh?
26
00:01:00,173 --> 00:01:03,211
[mysterious music]
27
00:01:03,212 --> 00:01:04,884
? ?
28
00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:06,743
- Thank you for being a friend.
29
00:01:06,744 --> 00:01:09,644
- Greg, I found a way
for us to dodge dodgeball.
30
00:01:09,645 --> 00:01:11,408
- What is it?
Seducing Principal Morello?
31
00:01:11,409 --> 00:01:12,875
You should do that.
32
00:01:12,876 --> 00:01:13,866
You know she likes
her milk chocolate.
33
00:01:13,867 --> 00:01:15,251
- No, look.
34
00:01:15,252 --> 00:01:17,113
It says if students
start a club
35
00:01:17,114 --> 00:01:19,885
based on physical activity,
they're excused from gym class.
36
00:01:19,886 --> 00:01:21,041
We should start a club.
37
00:01:21,042 --> 00:01:22,644
- You're a friggin' genius!
38
00:01:22,645 --> 00:01:23,809
But we gotta do this soon.
39
00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:25,280
I'm running out of underwear.
40
00:01:25,281 --> 00:01:26,837
- And I'm down to my last pair.
41
00:01:26,838 --> 00:01:28,437
[gasps]
42
00:01:28,438 --> 00:01:29,994
And now they're ruined.
43
00:01:29,995 --> 00:01:32,945
[upbeat hip-hop music]
44
00:01:32,946 --> 00:01:34,971
- This rules.
45
00:01:34,972 --> 00:01:36,918
We'll finally have a place
where we can chill and not have
46
00:01:36,919 --> 00:01:38,343
things flying at our heads.
47
00:01:38,344 --> 00:01:40,729
- That's why we have
to fly under the radar.
48
00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:42,499
So let's pick an
activity no one likes.
49
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,577
Tennis?
50
00:01:43,578 --> 00:01:46,139
- No way.
White people love tennis.
51
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,996
It's the only sport
we still dominate.
52
00:01:47,997 --> 00:01:49,597
- Not for long.
53
00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:51,765
- What about Jazzercise?
54
00:01:51,766 --> 00:01:55,105
- No, that'll attract girls,
and girls attract bullies.
55
00:01:55,106 --> 00:01:57,786
But something dance-related
could be good.
56
00:01:57,787 --> 00:01:59,427
What's a dance
white people can't do?
57
00:01:59,428 --> 00:02:00,986
Every one of them.
58
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,066
I got it!
59
00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:04,237
- A breakdancing club.
60
00:02:04,238 --> 00:02:06,708
What a fly idea!
61
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,264
You b-boys be busting
moves like in "Breakin' 2:
62
00:02:09,265 --> 00:02:10,646
Electric Boogaloo."
63
00:02:10,647 --> 00:02:12,512
- Right.
64
00:02:12,513 --> 00:02:15,638
- But darn, you need a third
member to start any club,
65
00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:18,193
and unfortunately,
no one else at Tattaglia can
66
00:02:18,194 --> 00:02:20,141
breaka-breaka-break it down.
67
00:02:20,142 --> 00:02:21,134
- No problem.
68
00:02:21,135 --> 00:02:22,523
I know a brother.
69
00:02:22,524 --> 00:02:24,085
Thanks for doing this, Drew.
70
00:02:24,086 --> 00:02:25,602
- Oh, I'm not
doing this for you.
71
00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:27,425
I just love
all the martial arts.
72
00:02:27,426 --> 00:02:28,898
- Breakdancing
is a martial art?
73
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,025
- The robot
is all karate chops.
74
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:33,369
[grunting]
75
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:36,364
- I'm so excited you boys are
bringing your urban flavor
76
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,878
to our school.
77
00:02:37,879 --> 00:02:40,092
This is definitely
going in the newsletter.
78
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,610
- Wait, is that black
mold on the walls?
79
00:02:42,611 --> 00:02:44,474
- I don't see color, Chris.
80
00:02:44,475 --> 00:02:46,515
I only see mold.
81
00:02:48,506 --> 00:02:51,421
- My sister Tonya had
attitude and her own key,
82
00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:53,502
which to her
seventh-grade girl gang
83
00:02:53,503 --> 00:02:55,803
meant she was grown
and in charge.
84
00:02:55,804 --> 00:02:58,234
- Uh, algebra
was pretty fun today.
85
00:02:58,235 --> 00:02:59,535
- Yeah, it kind of was.
86
00:02:59,536 --> 00:03:00,664
- No, it wasn't.
87
00:03:00,665 --> 00:03:02,227
- Yeah, I hate algebra.
88
00:03:02,228 --> 00:03:04,052
- Me too, always have.
89
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,921
- But she was about to get
booted by a belly button.
90
00:03:06,922 --> 00:03:08,569
- Damn, Sally.
91
00:03:08,570 --> 00:03:09,566
- Whoa.
92
00:03:09,567 --> 00:03:11,217
A crop top!
93
00:03:11,218 --> 00:03:13,086
- I got my mom
to buy this for me.
94
00:03:13,087 --> 00:03:14,476
Can you believe it?
95
00:03:14,477 --> 00:03:16,257
- You're so lucky.
96
00:03:16,258 --> 00:03:20,214
Here I am, stuck in
these little kid clothes.
97
00:03:20,215 --> 00:03:22,602
- Uh, aren't you cold in that?
98
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,297
- Yeah, but I feel hot.
99
00:03:25,298 --> 00:03:27,730
[both giggling]
100
00:03:27,731 --> 00:03:29,858
- Huh,
anyone seen my house key?
101
00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:30,988
Oh.
102
00:03:30,989 --> 00:03:32,466
[chuckles]
Here it is.
103
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:34,509
Gotta get home
and let myself in.
104
00:03:34,510 --> 00:03:36,292
Come on.
105
00:03:36,293 --> 00:03:37,639
Aren't you coming?
106
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,856
- Oh, I kind of want a calzone.
107
00:03:39,857 --> 00:03:41,292
- Oh, we'll keep you company!
108
00:03:41,378 --> 00:03:44,597
- Mind if I take
a sip of your drink?
109
00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:45,726
[slurping]
110
00:03:45,812 --> 00:03:46,769
Ahh.
111
00:03:46,856 --> 00:03:47,770
[both slurping]
112
00:03:47,856 --> 00:03:49,249
both: Ahh.
113
00:03:49,335 --> 00:03:51,118
- There was a new
queen bee, and Tonya
114
00:03:51,119 --> 00:03:52,815
was feeling the sting.
115
00:03:52,901 --> 00:03:56,382
- The usual, Julius,
or something fancy today?
116
00:03:56,383 --> 00:03:57,860
- Fancy?
117
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,644
Whatcha gonna do,
paint an 8 on there
118
00:03:59,730 --> 00:04:01,384
and sink him
in the corner pocket?
119
00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:03,123
[laughter]
120
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:04,254
- Ha-ha.
121
00:04:04,341 --> 00:04:05,603
Just the usual, Manny.
122
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:07,343
That's how my wife likes it.
123
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:09,476
How does your wife
like it, Mr. Omar?
124
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:10,563
Oh, that's right.
125
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:11,651
You don't got one.
126
00:04:11,737 --> 00:04:12,825
- Ooh.
- Ohh.
127
00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:13,826
- You're right.
128
00:04:13,913 --> 00:04:15,044
I don't have a wife.
129
00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,481
I have my customers' wives.
130
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:17,873
[laughs]
131
00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:20,179
- [whistles]
Would you look at her?
132
00:04:20,266 --> 00:04:22,181
Yo, Monk, let me
hold a dollar so I
133
00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:24,183
can get change and
bounce four quarters off
134
00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:26,011
of that fine behind.
135
00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:28,056
- Look, Mr. Julius.
136
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:31,538
- Yeah, she's got some,
uh, debris in the caboose.
137
00:04:31,626 --> 00:04:34,455
- What in the name
of high-waisted
138
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:35,935
jeans are you talking about?
139
00:04:36,023 --> 00:04:37,372
- I don't know
how to explain it.
140
00:04:37,459 --> 00:04:40,332
I kind of have butt blindness.
141
00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:42,422
- The hell you mean
"butt blindness"?
142
00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:45,556
- I can see them, but they
all look the same to me.
143
00:04:45,644 --> 00:04:47,994
I can't tell Grace Jones
from Quincy Jones.
144
00:04:48,082 --> 00:04:50,171
[all gasp]
145
00:04:50,259 --> 00:04:53,785
- You're missing out on one
of life's greatest pleasures.
146
00:04:53,874 --> 00:04:55,658
Tragic!
147
00:04:55,746 --> 00:04:57,966
- Well, I only got eyes
for my wife anyway.
148
00:04:58,054 --> 00:05:00,970
- But you've never really
seen her booty, have you?
149
00:05:01,059 --> 00:05:02,539
- Uh--
150
00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:03,758
[romantic music]
151
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,022
- You see anything
you like, baby?
152
00:05:06,110 --> 00:05:07,111
- Damn, woman.
153
00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:10,594
Looking real lumpy today.
154
00:05:10,683 --> 00:05:12,424
- Lumpy?
155
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,253
The only thing that's gonna
have lumps around here
156
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:14,602
is your head.
- Ooh.
157
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:15,778
- What?
158
00:05:15,866 --> 00:05:17,477
- Does she know?
- You crazy.
159
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:18,654
How can I tell
my wife I haven't
160
00:05:18,741 --> 00:05:20,003
ever really seen her ass?
161
00:05:20,092 --> 00:05:22,050
- From behind
bulletproof glass.
162
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:23,313
- We're gonna help you.
163
00:05:23,402 --> 00:05:25,404
- It's our duty as men.
164
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,450
[frog ribbits]
165
00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:30,763
[bell rings]
166
00:05:30,851 --> 00:05:32,548
- All right, let's get the
paperwork out of the way.
167
00:05:32,637 --> 00:05:36,336
Official name,
Breakdancing Club.
168
00:05:36,427 --> 00:05:38,472
- What about The Dance Lads?
169
00:05:38,561 --> 00:05:39,736
- No.
170
00:05:39,824 --> 00:05:42,523
OK, president, me.
171
00:05:42,613 --> 00:05:44,266
- When did you
become president?
172
00:05:44,355 --> 00:05:45,922
- This was all Chris's idea.
173
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,360
- None of this matters.
174
00:05:47,449 --> 00:05:49,276
- Then as
co-president, I agree.
175
00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:50,236
- [sighs]
Fine.
176
00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:52,369
You can be co-president.
177
00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:53,547
And Drew can be VP.
178
00:05:53,635 --> 00:05:54,505
- Cool.
179
00:05:54,593 --> 00:05:56,552
- Oh, can I be treasurer, too?
180
00:05:56,641 --> 00:05:58,469
I want an extra picture
in the yearbook.
181
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,516
- I'm gonna go stretch.
182
00:06:00,606 --> 00:06:03,000
- Wait, are we actually gonna
learn how to breakdance?
183
00:06:03,089 --> 00:06:06,353
- No, it's quiet, and if I fall
asleep, no one's gonna write
184
00:06:06,444 --> 00:06:08,141
"King Kong" on my forehead.
185
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,797
So I'm gonna take a nap.
186
00:06:09,885 --> 00:06:12,540
- Well, then,
what am I gonna do?
187
00:06:12,630 --> 00:06:15,241
- [yawns] You're the
treasurer, so treasure
188
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:19,074
the time you spend not having
stuff thrown at your head.
189
00:06:19,165 --> 00:06:22,255
- [snoring]
190
00:06:22,346 --> 00:06:24,348
[car horns honking]
191
00:06:24,437 --> 00:06:26,178
- Thanks for taking
me shopping, Mama.
192
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:27,747
- Of course, baby.
193
00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:29,533
None of my kids
gonna look raggedy.
194
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:31,275
What do you need?
New socks?
195
00:06:31,364 --> 00:06:32,365
Barrettes?
196
00:06:32,453 --> 00:06:34,325
Something else inexpensive?
197
00:06:34,414 --> 00:06:37,504
- Just something a little
more seventh grade, you know?
198
00:06:37,594 --> 00:06:39,248
- Aw, what about this?
199
00:06:39,337 --> 00:06:40,773
It's so cute.
200
00:06:40,862 --> 00:06:44,083
- I was thinking
something more like this.
201
00:06:44,173 --> 00:06:46,436
- The rest of that shirt
better still be on the rack.
202
00:06:46,525 --> 00:06:47,918
- It's a crop top, Mama.
203
00:06:48,006 --> 00:06:49,660
- Why on Earth do
you want me to pay
204
00:06:49,749 --> 00:06:51,141
full price for half a shirt?
205
00:06:51,229 --> 00:06:52,187
- I don't know.
206
00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:53,319
My friend has one.
207
00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:55,279
It's just in, OK?
208
00:06:55,368 --> 00:06:58,153
- Let's find something in that
doesn't have your stomach out.
209
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:01,420
- [groans] I just want
to look more grown.
210
00:07:01,509 --> 00:07:03,947
- What's wrong with
looking your age?
211
00:07:04,036 --> 00:07:05,907
- What's wrong with
looking more grown?
212
00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:07,389
I shouldn't be walking
around my school
213
00:07:07,477 --> 00:07:08,478
looking like a stripper.
214
00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:10,960
- Mm, that felt personal.
215
00:07:11,049 --> 00:07:13,747
All I wanna do is play
dress-up with you,
216
00:07:13,836 --> 00:07:16,056
and you out here
trying to be a nun.
217
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,711
- Ohh.
218
00:07:17,799 --> 00:07:19,539
- Sweetie, I'm your
mom, and I really
219
00:07:19,629 --> 00:07:22,457
think you should stick with
stuff like this for now, OK?
220
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:25,942
- OK.
221
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,117
You're right, Mama.
222
00:07:27,205 --> 00:07:29,338
[knock at door]
223
00:07:29,426 --> 00:07:31,341
Please help me.
224
00:07:31,429 --> 00:07:33,866
- [snoring]
225
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,564
[gasps]
226
00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:36,349
Were you gonna write
on my forehead?
227
00:07:36,436 --> 00:07:38,133
- No.
Maybe.
228
00:07:38,221 --> 00:07:39,135
I don't know.
229
00:07:39,222 --> 00:07:40,223
I'm bored.
230
00:07:40,311 --> 00:07:41,791
Hey, I have an idea.
231
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,750
Motion to invite
girls to the club.
232
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:46,057
- Greg, I like girls, too.
233
00:07:46,145 --> 00:07:47,669
Everyone likes girls.
234
00:07:47,756 --> 00:07:50,280
But everyone includes
bullies, and bullies
235
00:07:50,367 --> 00:07:53,152
will give us wedgies
in front of the girls.
236
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,372
Is that what you want?
237
00:07:54,459 --> 00:07:55,286
- Maybe we should vote on it.
238
00:07:55,373 --> 00:07:56,330
- Greg, no!
239
00:07:56,417 --> 00:07:57,375
Absolutely not!
240
00:07:57,463 --> 00:07:59,030
- Yeah, this is Chris's club.
241
00:07:59,117 --> 00:07:59,987
- OK, fine.
242
00:08:00,074 --> 00:08:01,249
No girls.
243
00:08:01,336 --> 00:08:02,642
[both gasp]
244
00:08:02,729 --> 00:08:04,122
- You look hot upside down.
245
00:08:04,209 --> 00:08:05,384
- Augh!
246
00:08:05,471 --> 00:08:07,647
- Whoa, what's this?
247
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:10,389
Some guests
of the female persuasion?
248
00:08:10,476 --> 00:08:11,607
Ladies, come in.
249
00:08:11,695 --> 00:08:13,305
- What the hell, man?
250
00:08:13,391 --> 00:08:15,262
- It's just two girls
from my chemistry class.
251
00:08:15,349 --> 00:08:16,916
Don't worry.
252
00:08:17,003 --> 00:08:19,614
Ladies, welcome to my club.
253
00:08:19,701 --> 00:08:21,572
Ugh, filled out
a ton of paperwork.
254
00:08:21,659 --> 00:08:23,182
So tiring.
255
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,532
Do you mind if I rest
my carpal tunnels?
256
00:08:25,618 --> 00:08:27,098
- He's taking advantage of you.
257
00:08:27,184 --> 00:08:28,272
- No, he's not.
258
00:08:28,359 --> 00:08:29,709
- I'm here for Greg's club.
259
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:34,538
- This is a little
conservative,
260
00:08:34,624 --> 00:08:35,930
but this will look cute on you.
261
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,452
- [gasps]
You'd let me have that?
262
00:08:37,539 --> 00:08:39,454
- Um, I'll let you borrow it.
263
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:41,020
Stand up.
264
00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:41,803
Yes!
265
00:08:41,890 --> 00:08:43,369
You see that, Tasha?
266
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:46,023
This is how you make
your mommy proud of you.
267
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:48,763
- I made principal's list
for the 50th week in a row.
268
00:08:48,764 --> 00:08:50,590
- And I've been on
parole for 48 weeks,
269
00:08:50,676 --> 00:08:51,895
but you don't see me bragging.
270
00:08:51,981 --> 00:08:53,939
Let me see your face, girl.
271
00:08:54,025 --> 00:08:56,418
You got pretty eyes, Tonya.
272
00:08:56,419 --> 00:08:57,505
- Really?
- Mm.
273
00:08:57,592 --> 00:08:59,072
We gotta use them.
274
00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:04,379
Get you back on top with
your little girl gang.
275
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:06,377
Now hold up the top with it.
276
00:09:06,378 --> 00:09:07,769
Mm-hmm.
277
00:09:07,855 --> 00:09:09,291
We do that,
maybe some earrings.
278
00:09:09,377 --> 00:09:10,422
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
279
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,336
Check yourself out!
280
00:09:12,422 --> 00:09:18,209
- Damn, I look grown enough
to buy a lottery ticket.
281
00:09:18,210 --> 00:09:19,728
[bell rings]
282
00:09:19,729 --> 00:09:21,032
- The next day, my
brother looked forward
283
00:09:21,118 --> 00:09:22,728
to breaking while
I looked forward
284
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,858
to actually taking a break.
285
00:09:23,944 --> 00:09:27,947
[indistinct chatter]
286
00:09:27,948 --> 00:09:29,511
Damn it.
287
00:09:29,597 --> 00:09:32,120
But Greg had turned
our club into da club.
288
00:09:32,121 --> 00:09:33,163
- "Damn it"?
289
00:09:33,249 --> 00:09:34,206
That's it?
290
00:09:34,292 --> 00:09:35,467
Even your bully is here.
291
00:09:35,553 --> 00:09:36,684
Be more mad.
- Why?
292
00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:38,380
It's just Greg being Greg.
293
00:09:38,466 --> 00:09:39,684
- Well, Greg is selfish.
294
00:09:39,685 --> 00:09:41,162
Isn't he always like this?
295
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,728
- Uh--
296
00:09:44,596 --> 00:09:46,990
- Thanks, homey.
297
00:09:49,899 --> 00:09:51,377
- At least it's
two against one.
298
00:09:51,378 --> 00:09:52,682
Ugh!
299
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:55,376
- Hi, Chris.
300
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,420
What's going on?
301
00:09:57,421 --> 00:09:59,333
- Chris pooped his pants
yesterday, but my underwear?
302
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,419
Bone dry.
303
00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:03,114
Eh, it's a numbers game.
304
00:10:03,115 --> 00:10:04,983
- Chris,
he is not a good friend.
305
00:10:04,984 --> 00:10:06,723
You need to
stand up for yourself.
306
00:10:08,632 --> 00:10:10,024
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
307
00:10:10,025 --> 00:10:12,895
- Greg, this is supposed
to be our thing.
308
00:10:12,896 --> 00:10:14,632
Get these people out of here.
309
00:10:14,718 --> 00:10:16,414
- No, I want girls here.
310
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,760
- Nice club, Chris.
311
00:10:17,761 --> 00:10:19,107
Here's my membership fee.
312
00:10:19,108 --> 00:10:20,846
[together] Ooh!
- Ow!
313
00:10:20,847 --> 00:10:22,063
See?
314
00:10:22,064 --> 00:10:23,932
I told you girls
would bring bullies!
315
00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:25,757
We're supposed to look
out for each other,
316
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:26,929
but you only care
about yourself.
317
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:29,756
So as president,
I say we vote you out.
318
00:10:29,757 --> 00:10:31,667
- As VP, I second.
319
00:10:31,668 --> 00:10:34,493
- Well, as co-president and
treasurer, I get two votes,
320
00:10:34,494 --> 00:10:35,882
and I vote I stay.
321
00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:38,359
- He thinks his
vote is twice mine?
322
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,967
That's even worse than the
Three-Fifths Compromise.
323
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:43,052
[together] Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
324
00:10:43,053 --> 00:10:45,094
- That's not how
we solve things.
325
00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:47,397
I came to check on
you guys, and it looks
326
00:10:47,398 --> 00:10:49,178
like I arrived just in time.
327
00:10:49,179 --> 00:10:52,004
There's only one way
to resolve this--
328
00:10:52,005 --> 00:10:54,523
a breakdance battle
here, tomorrow.
329
00:10:54,524 --> 00:10:55,564
- Seriously?
330
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,259
That's the only way?
331
00:10:57,260 --> 00:10:58,170
- It's the only way
I can make sure I have
332
00:10:58,171 --> 00:10:59,910
my good camera
to take pictures.
333
00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:04,821
[funky music]
334
00:11:04,822 --> 00:11:07,731
? ?
335
00:11:07,732 --> 00:11:10,598
- [chuckling]
Hey.
336
00:11:10,599 --> 00:11:11,986
- Whoa.
- Damn, Tonya.
337
00:11:11,987 --> 00:11:14,987
- [giggles]
What?
338
00:11:16,807 --> 00:11:18,895
- [sighs]
What'll it be?
339
00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:21,546
- I'm trying to piss off my
boss enough to get severance.
340
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,543
What's your nastiest flavor?
341
00:11:23,544 --> 00:11:26,803
- The Chitlin' Juice glazed.
342
00:11:26,804 --> 00:11:28,190
I should just stop making it.
343
00:11:28,191 --> 00:11:29,231
- Gross.
344
00:11:29,232 --> 00:11:32,015
Give me a dozen.
345
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:36,100
[gasps]
Oh, hell no!
346
00:11:36,101 --> 00:11:38,268
- You think my crop
top is too short,
347
00:11:38,269 --> 00:11:41,789
or is it cool my house key
pokes out from under it?
348
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:44,219
[dramatic music]
349
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:45,607
Ah!
350
00:11:45,608 --> 00:11:47,171
Mama, what are you doing?
351
00:11:47,172 --> 00:11:50,301
- You think you grown now, huh?
352
00:11:50,302 --> 00:11:51,949
Let's go.
353
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:53,252
I'm gonna beat the
pepperoni out your behind.
354
00:11:53,253 --> 00:11:55,773
[laughter]
355
00:11:55,774 --> 00:11:57,770
[funky music]
356
00:11:57,771 --> 00:11:59,768
- Let's start with an easy one.
357
00:11:59,769 --> 00:12:02,375
Pretend this is a small butt.
358
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:05,546
How would you
describe its shape?
359
00:12:05,547 --> 00:12:07,150
- Ooh, ooh, ooh, pineapple!
360
00:12:07,151 --> 00:12:10,672
? ?
361
00:12:10,673 --> 00:12:11,797
That's Vanessa Williams.
Nope.
362
00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:13,056
Janet Jackson.
363
00:12:13,057 --> 00:12:14,098
Nope.
364
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:16,358
Bob Newhart.
365
00:12:16,359 --> 00:12:19,488
- Maybe you just need
glasses to see them asses.
366
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,092
Now, which one is Kill Moves?
367
00:12:22,093 --> 00:12:24,828
- Uh, it's a trick question.
368
00:12:24,829 --> 00:12:26,563
They're both Kill Moves.
369
00:12:26,564 --> 00:12:30,520
- Damn, you're not just butt
blind, you're bum blind.
370
00:12:30,521 --> 00:12:31,730
- None of this is working.
371
00:12:31,731 --> 00:12:33,990
It's like I'm not
even a Black man.
372
00:12:33,991 --> 00:12:36,292
- You just spent seven
hours at a barbershop.
373
00:12:36,293 --> 00:12:37,680
You Black.
374
00:12:37,681 --> 00:12:40,462
- Still,
tough break, Mr. Julius.
375
00:12:40,463 --> 00:12:42,371
- But hey, thanks for reminding
us not to take booties
376
00:12:42,372 --> 00:12:43,977
for granted.
377
00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:45,801
- The next time I see
a big beautiful behind,
378
00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:48,017
I'm gonna tell it
how much I love it.
379
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,666
- 20 minutes later,
he got arrested
380
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,840
for harassing a police horse.
381
00:12:54,571 --> 00:12:56,528
- Peaches, open the damn door!
382
00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:59,308
- My mom hadn't been
this mad at Peaches
383
00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:02,784
since, well, the last time
she interacted with Peaches.
384
00:13:02,785 --> 00:13:05,649
- Don't make me get
my battering ram!
385
00:13:05,650 --> 00:13:06,948
Oh, hi, baby.
386
00:13:06,949 --> 00:13:08,120
Is your mommy home?
387
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,118
- I'm right here.
388
00:13:09,119 --> 00:13:10,814
Go watch TV.
389
00:13:10,815 --> 00:13:12,115
- I need to prepare
for bible study.
390
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:14,114
- You're gonna
study for a study?
391
00:13:14,115 --> 00:13:16,286
Oh, my god.
392
00:13:16,287 --> 00:13:18,240
Sometimes, I swear, I wonder
if she's even my daughter.
393
00:13:18,241 --> 00:13:19,933
Then I remember how
she wrecked my--
394
00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:22,366
- Peaches, did you
dress up my daughter
395
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,145
in your hoochie clothes?
396
00:13:24,146 --> 00:13:27,536
- Yeah, I bought all these
fly clothes for Tasha,
397
00:13:27,537 --> 00:13:29,442
and she won't wear them.
398
00:13:29,443 --> 00:13:30,570
I'm sorry, Rochelle.
399
00:13:30,571 --> 00:13:32,527
I was just trying
to have some fun.
400
00:13:32,528 --> 00:13:35,655
- You can't do whatever you
want just because it's fun.
401
00:13:35,656 --> 00:13:38,129
- Damn, you sound like my mom.
402
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:39,820
- Oh, please.
403
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:42,559
- My mom was so strict, never
let me wear what I wanted,
404
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,337
embarrassed me in front of all
my friends, but I showed her.
405
00:13:45,338 --> 00:13:47,769
The day I turned 18,
I got out the house
406
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:50,244
and did whatever
I wanted, partying,
407
00:13:50,245 --> 00:13:51,936
drinking, messing around.
408
00:13:51,937 --> 00:13:53,194
Well, except after
Tasha was born.
409
00:13:53,195 --> 00:13:54,497
I couldn't hook up with
anybody for months.
410
00:13:54,498 --> 00:13:56,452
My downstairs was a mess.
411
00:13:56,453 --> 00:13:57,667
- Thank you, Peaches.
412
00:13:57,668 --> 00:14:00,188
- You're welcome.
413
00:14:00,189 --> 00:14:02,619
Wait, for what?
414
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:05,399
- I didn't know how to
breakdance, but luckily,
415
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,743
neither did Greg.
416
00:14:06,744 --> 00:14:09,264
- Give him a Bed-Stuy beatdown!
417
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,956
But don't beat him so badly
he ends up racist forever.
418
00:14:11,957 --> 00:14:13,474
- This should be over quickly.
419
00:14:13,475 --> 00:14:15,341
- All righty, b-boys.
420
00:14:15,342 --> 00:14:19,297
Whichever one of you can get
the crowd most hyped wins.
421
00:14:19,298 --> 00:14:21,290
Chris, you go first.
422
00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:23,419
[funky music]
423
00:14:23,420 --> 00:14:28,898
- [grunting]
424
00:14:28,899 --> 00:14:29,887
OK.
425
00:14:29,888 --> 00:14:31,103
Mm.
426
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,188
Ahh!
427
00:14:32,189 --> 00:14:35,494
[cheers and applause]
428
00:14:35,495 --> 00:14:39,316
- That was terrible, but I
bet Greg will be even worse.
429
00:14:39,317 --> 00:14:42,398
[funky music]
- My turn.
430
00:14:42,399 --> 00:14:43,045
[together]
Oh! Ooh!
431
00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:49,136
- [grunting]
432
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:50,559
[chuckles]
433
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,385
[together]
Ohh! Damn!
434
00:14:53,386 --> 00:14:55,989
- How did his white ass
learn to do all that?
435
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:57,986
- White people
had a secret tool
436
00:14:57,987 --> 00:15:01,203
to learn how to breakdance,
Alfonso Ribeiro.
437
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:05,243
? ?
438
00:15:05,244 --> 00:15:07,889
- Now watch this, suckas.
439
00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:09,320
Ah!
Ow.
440
00:15:09,321 --> 00:15:10,318
Ow.
441
00:15:10,404 --> 00:15:12,013
My neck.
442
00:15:12,014 --> 00:15:13,925
Oh, god, I think I
swallowed my Adam's apple.
443
00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:15,226
[together]
Boo!
444
00:15:15,227 --> 00:15:17,008
- Ow!
- Uh-oh.
445
00:15:17,009 --> 00:15:18,135
This feels lawsuit-y.
446
00:15:18,136 --> 00:15:20,092
Uh, the club is canceled.
447
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:23,047
Everyone, back to regular gym.
448
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,173
- Ugh!
449
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,260
- I'll go warm up
my dodgeball arm.
450
00:15:26,261 --> 00:15:29,128
- If something happens, can
I have your baseball cards?
451
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,603
- [groans]
452
00:15:33,771 --> 00:15:34,815
- If you're gonna
whup me again,
453
00:15:34,816 --> 00:15:36,596
can you wait until
I finish my algebra?
454
00:15:36,597 --> 00:15:38,639
It's hard to solve for Y
when all I can think about
455
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,332
is why my butt stings.
456
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,286
- I'm not gonna
whup you, but help
457
00:15:42,287 --> 00:15:46,113
me understand, why is dressing
all grown so important to you?
458
00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:47,803
- Remember my friend Sally?
459
00:15:47,804 --> 00:15:49,628
She got a crop top,
and now everyone's
460
00:15:49,629 --> 00:15:50,929
paying more attention to her.
461
00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:52,625
I just feel kicked to the curb.
462
00:15:52,626 --> 00:15:55,233
- I guess me bugging out
like I did at the pizza
463
00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:56,664
parlor didn't help.
464
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,228
- Yeah.
465
00:15:58,229 --> 00:16:00,314
- [sighs] When I saw you
wearing those clothes,
466
00:16:00,315 --> 00:16:03,182
I was mad as hell, but I
was more upset that you
467
00:16:03,183 --> 00:16:04,570
went to Peaches
because you felt
468
00:16:04,571 --> 00:16:06,177
like you couldn't talk to me.
469
00:16:06,178 --> 00:16:07,828
I don't want you to
become like Peaches.
470
00:16:07,829 --> 00:16:09,262
- I don't wanna be Peaches!
471
00:16:09,348 --> 00:16:10,739
- Oh, thank god.
472
00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:13,086
- I mean, Peaches has
some cute outfits,
473
00:16:13,087 --> 00:16:16,999
but sometimes
she be looking crazy.
474
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,733
- So what do you want?
475
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:21,167
- I guess I just want my
friends to still respect me.
476
00:16:21,168 --> 00:16:22,817
But I also wanna
wear what I want.
477
00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:25,164
But that crop top made
my belly feel cold.
478
00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:26,988
I don't know what to do.
479
00:16:26,989 --> 00:16:28,552
- Well,
I'm glad you came to me.
480
00:16:28,553 --> 00:16:30,638
- Uh, you came in here.
481
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:32,550
- Tonya, do you want
me to fix this or not?
482
00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:33,722
- Yes, fine, yes.
483
00:16:33,723 --> 00:16:35,679
- OK.
484
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,331
Well, here's what you're gonna
say to your little friends.
485
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:46,803
- You know, you should really
eat something before dodgeball.
486
00:16:46,804 --> 00:16:48,932
- No, it's better to get
hit on an empty stomach.
487
00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:50,626
- Are you sure?
488
00:16:50,627 --> 00:16:51,972
You got no muscle, so you
should have a little fat
489
00:16:51,973 --> 00:16:53,189
to absorb the blows.
490
00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:54,754
- [sighs]
491
00:16:54,755 --> 00:16:56,058
- Isn't it better
to not have to deal
492
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,451
with that selfish clown?
493
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,148
- Yeah, I guess.
494
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:01,194
- You're better
off without him.
495
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,936
Now you can get real good at
"Solitaire" or, like, thinking.
496
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:07,940
- Hey, Jerome.
497
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,245
What are you doing here?
498
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:10,725
- It just didn't
sit right with me
499
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:12,336
to give up on you
like that, brother.
500
00:17:12,423 --> 00:17:13,772
There's something blocking you.
501
00:17:13,859 --> 00:17:15,208
We need to go deeper.
502
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:16,644
Are you down for some hypnosis?
503
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,646
- You know how to do hypnosis?
504
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:19,995
- I took a course.
505
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,257
You don't think
I got aspirations?
506
00:17:21,345 --> 00:17:22,824
Damn.
507
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:24,826
- At this point,
what have I got to lose?
508
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:25,914
- OK.
509
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,482
Now follow the watch.
510
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,918
- Hey, that's my watch!
511
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,267
- You wanna be fixed or not?
512
00:17:31,355 --> 00:17:33,269
Now follow the watch.
513
00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:36,490
Follow the watch.
514
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:39,101
[mystical music]
515
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:42,931
[organ music]
516
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:45,325
- Sweet baby Jesus!
517
00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:46,892
- What are you looking at, son?
- What?
518
00:17:46,979 --> 00:17:48,502
- You wanna go to hell?
519
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,722
You're breaking one of
the Ten Commandments!
520
00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:54,813
Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's backside!
521
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:55,944
- [groans]
522
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:57,598
- That's it!
523
00:17:57,685 --> 00:18:00,471
My dad scared the love
of butts out of me!
524
00:18:00,558 --> 00:18:01,907
What do I do?
525
00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:03,299
- I'll just hypnotize
that out of you.
526
00:18:03,387 --> 00:18:05,258
Follow the watch.
527
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,826
Follow the watch.
528
00:18:07,913 --> 00:18:10,959
You were once blind,
but now you can see.
529
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:14,659
Butts, bottoms, tushies,
booties,
530
00:18:14,746 --> 00:18:19,490
derrieres, dat ass.
531
00:18:19,577 --> 00:18:21,361
All right, moment of truth.
532
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,841
Whose butt is this?
533
00:18:22,928 --> 00:18:25,887
- [gasps]
Pam Grier.
534
00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:28,499
And that one is
different than that one.
535
00:18:28,586 --> 00:18:30,588
I can see Pam Grier's butt!
536
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:31,589
- Yo, keep it down!
537
00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:33,199
Your wife might hear you.
538
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:34,461
- My wife?
539
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:37,116
Baby, I'm coming for your ass!
540
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:41,294
[all slurping]
541
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,122
- Hey.
- Oh.
542
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,167
Hey, Tonya.
543
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,779
- That was pretty crazy
the other day with your mom.
544
00:18:47,866 --> 00:18:51,304
- [snorts, coughs]
Sorry, it's not funny.
545
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,001
- Nah, it's all right.
546
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,699
Y'all haven't seen
her, have you?
547
00:18:54,786 --> 00:18:55,917
- Your mom?
548
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:56,918
No.
549
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,050
Why?
550
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,226
[gasps]
Here she comes.
551
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,405
Why is she following you?
552
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:07,842
- She got me on a tight
watch because last night,
553
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,801
I called her a bitch.
554
00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:11,280
- [gasps]
- Whoa.
555
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,238
- Dang, Tonya.
556
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,761
You're bad.
557
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,284
- Mind if I take
a sip of your soda?
558
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:18,244
[funky music]
559
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:22,901
? ?
560
00:19:22,988 --> 00:19:25,207
Thank you.
561
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:28,472
- [sighs]
My girl is back on top.
562
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:30,082
Damn, I'm a good mother.
563
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,083
- Ooh-whee!
564
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,476
Look at that ass!
565
00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:34,129
- You catcalling mother--
566
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,480
Julius, what are you doing?
567
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:39,483
And why do you have that
goofy grin on your face?
568
00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:43,008
- I'm seeing things
I've never seen before.
569
00:19:43,095 --> 00:19:44,705
You're just so fine.
570
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:46,968
- OK, Julius, calm down.
571
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,405
Let's get you home.
572
00:19:49,493 --> 00:19:52,408
[sultry music]
573
00:19:52,496 --> 00:19:55,847
- It's so beautiful.
574
00:19:55,934 --> 00:19:57,805
[militaristic drum cadence]
575
00:19:57,892 --> 00:20:00,939
- With Greg injured,
I was on my own.
576
00:20:01,026 --> 00:20:04,420
- [grunting]
Damn it, forgot my cup.
577
00:20:04,508 --> 00:20:07,554
- Do you want me to destroy
your left nut or right nut?
578
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,077
- Left.
579
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:10,165
Oh!
580
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:13,821
- It's only lightly used.
581
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:14,866
- Ow.
582
00:20:14,953 --> 00:20:17,216
- [groans]
583
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:20,001
- I realized Greg
wasn't the best friend,
584
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:22,351
but he was a friend.
585
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:25,616
And for now,
that was good enough.
586
00:20:25,703 --> 00:20:28,227
- By the way, I,
uh, got this for you
587
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,969
since I know you couldn't
eat before dodgeball.
588
00:20:31,056 --> 00:20:32,100
both:
Can't play on a full stomach.
589
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,449
- [chuckles]
590
00:20:33,537 --> 00:20:35,234
- I'm sorry for
ruining our club.
591
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,366
I'll try to be a better friend.
592
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:38,411
- Thanks, Greg.
593
00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,369
[gasps, groans]
594
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,763
- Starting tomorrow,
I'll be a better friend.
595
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:47,028
singers: ? Everybody
still hates Chris ?
596
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,857
[vocalizing]
597
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,646
- Sally,
come back here, young lady.
598
00:20:55,733 --> 00:20:57,125
- Tina, you OK?
599
00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:58,823
- Sally just called me a bitch.
600
00:20:58,910 --> 00:21:02,000
Where is she picking
this stuff up?
601
00:21:02,087 --> 00:21:04,524
[funky music]
602
00:21:34,423 --> 00:21:36,251
- ? MTV ?
603
00:21:36,301 --> 00:21:40,851
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