Original subtitles

So, I was about 30 miles south of Tobruk,

dunes as far as the eye could see.

Not the place you wanna find yourself in a bind,

let me tell you.

And then all of a sudden, I feel it.

The stab of a pistol in my back.

You're kidding. Sadly not.

My blood froze. What did you do?

Pfft. Nothing else to do. Turn around and face the enemy.

And there he was. Tall, mean... slobbering.

It was only the bloody camel with my whip in his mouth,

giving me a good prod. Tristan!

Thought we were having a real one for once.

That was a real one, honest to God.

He wanted to get back to camp for breakfast.

Gobbler, we called him. Hungriest camel in all of Tobruk.

Look at this. Quietest baby in all of Darrowby.

Should pick you up from the bus stop more often.

Uncle Tristan, happy to be of service.

Are you stocking up for me, Mrs H? You shouldn't have.

Buzz off, thank you.

I have to make that stretch for all of us...

and Mr Carmody.

Carmody's back? You didn't say anything.

I couldn't get a word in round the camels.

Siegfried's gone to fetch him from the station.

Before I forget, Mr Crabtree were on earlier about a cow off its food.

It wasn't urgent, was it?

He said it could wait till morning, but he did sound concerned.

No, yeah, I can take a look now.

Fancy lending a hand?

Afraid not. I'd rather stay here, put a face to the bowtie.

Mr Herriot, thanks for coming.

Mr Crabtree. Are your herds looking promising?

Aye, building up again, slowly but surely.

Got some good, healthy calves this year.

Oh, that's excellent news. DOG BARKS

Down, boy. Down. JAMES LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

So, you got yourself a dog?

Yeah. Don't mind Shep. He's a softy.

Just has a taste for putting the wind up folk.

Cheeky wee joker, eh? CHUCKLES

So, you've got a cow needs seeing? Rose.

She won't eat. Can't work out why.

It might be nowt, but... I didn't wanna leave it too long.

Oh, don't worry. We'll get to the bottom of it.

Pop them on the pile.

Oh, and there's your clean shirts from last time up in your room.

Yes, I saw. Thank you.

Also couldn't help but notice both beds were made up.

Yes.

Mr Farnon didn't think you'd mind sharing with Mr Carmody. Oh.

DOOR OPENS Speak of the devil.

Oh, here he is.

How were your journey? Long.

I'm very glad to be back, Mrs Hall.

How's Doncaster treating you? Yeah, not too shabbily.

Putting new recruits through their paces.

Tristan Farnon, Richard Carmody. The famous Tristan Farnon.

How do you do? Hello.

My replacement. We meet at last.

Technically, I was James's replacement.

Well, either way, congratulations on sticking it out with my brother.

Many have tried. Few survive.

I can't see why that would be the case.

Mr Farnon's taught me a great deal. It's been extremely stimulating.

Richard's just finished his finals in London.

Ah, yes. Heard all about you Royal College chaps.

I trust the celebrations were suitably debauched, eh?

Not for me.

Right. Well, erm...

Well, we can remedy that later, I expect, in The Drovers.

If it's all the same, I have things to attend to here.

Such as?

I managed to get my hands on the bacteria I told you about,

from the university lab. Did you?

Perhaps we could culture them together.

I'd be delighted.

Omnia probate, quod bonum tenete.

Prove all things, hold fast that which is good.

Hey, you could have warned me.

Siegfried's multiplied, spawned a mini killjoy.

Oh! Give over. Pfft.

Reminder to keep the mind open...

He might take a bit of getting used to,

but he's not a killjoy.

He chose bacteria over booze.

Honestly, why do I feel like

I'm about to spend my precious time off in a library?

It won't be that bad. Oh, easy for you to say.

You don't have to share a room with the man.

COW MOOS

I can rule out traumatic reticulitis.

She isn't wired.

Any changes to her diet recently?

No, she's had the same as always.

She usually eats like a horse.

Well, a cow with an appetite, anyway.

Well, that could be our answer.

If her eyes are bigger than her belly,

it could be indigestion from overfeeding.

So, not too serious?

Well, nothing a dose of linseed oil won't clear up.

Start her on a couple of ounces.

She should be much brighter by the morning, fingers crossed.

Thank you, Mr Herriot.

When did Cribbage become all the rage?

I had to find something he couldn't cheat at. Oh, rot.

You can play next. I'm about to thrash Richard.

No, thanks. All Greek to me. Why don't you fetch another game?

Perhaps. Or, even better,

we could venture across the square for a nightcap,

escape the clutches of the pipe and slippers.

Well, I'm due on my rounds, I'm afraid. Oh.

Early start.

Jamie'll be wanting his feed. Mm.

..for the pair, three for the run.

Siegfried? Yes? Muggins!

What? To play Muggins rules, you must declare Muggins rules.

Muggins rules are always in play with experienced opponents.

It's just me, then. Clearly miscounted your points.

You missed two. Enjoy yourself.

I was distracted by Tristan!

Which means they're mine. Oh, you wretch! I demand a replay.

That's against the rules. I don't care. Cheat!

Oh. It's all right. It's all right. DOG WHINES

It's only me. Don't bark, don't bark.

Siegfried'll have my guts for garters.

Good. Good night. Sleep well.

Oh!

Great (!) Who put that there?

Ah! Whoa!

Wrong bed! Shush, shush, shush!

You shush!

You're in the cupboard. Does it look like it?

I couldn't see you in the dark.

Why are we shouting in the middle of the night?

He has commandeered my bed.

It was mine before. It's in my room and in my house.

Oh, for God's sake! Why haven't you sorted this out before?

He vanished off to the pub.

I've been stuck in military bunks for months.

I've earned the sweet embrace of my own bed.

No. It's logical I have it,

since I work here covering the night calls.

How's that logical?

If you'll be out at night, you'll be barely in it.

Says the man rolling in at one in the morning.

Well... Enough!

What do you suggest, Mr Farnon?

You're grown men.

I suggest you resolve it amongst yourselves... quietly.

TRISTAN GROANS

SNORING

Oh!

Tristan was happy enough when he shared with James.

Well, he were still a student then. And Richard's so amenable...

Well... ..once you get to know him.

Might Tristan be feeling a bit... left out?

No, no, that's not it.

Right.

Anyway, I told them to sort it out themselves.

Do excuse me, Matron, could you repeat that?

And you're absolutely sure?

Oh. Sorry about the racket last night, Mrs H.

Not to worry. I got back to sleep soon enough.

I should apologise, too. Mm.

I'm sorry Tristan almost crushed me to death,

thus causing the entire house to wake up.

Richard, you're to go up to the manor, fast as you can.

Oh, is it Tricki? No, it's a snake.

That's an exotic addition for Mrs Pumphrey.

Smuggled in from abroad by one of the soldiers.

The house has been requisitioned as an Army convalescent home.

What's wrong with the snake? Nothing. It's on the loose.

Goodness. Yes. Caused quite a stir up there.

I can imagine.

The matron didn't know who else to turn to.

Well, I'm delighted she turned to us.

I adore snakes.

You ever seen one in the wild? Only the odd adder. You?

Yeah, Cairo's teeming with them.

Let's go and find the rascal, then.

Er, I'm afraid I have a full list in surgery.

Let me know how you get on.

Hm!

It's a big house.

Might be something of a... snake in a haystack.

Tris'll help.

Will I?

Well, it sounds like you're familiar with snakes.

Only in a very loose, general sense.

Also, he doesn't work here any more.

Yes. I don't work here any more. There is that.

I wouldn't call it "work". More of a favour.

Give you two the chance to get to know each other better, won't it?

I think we've got a good grasp of that already,

thanks to the close quarters.

I couldn't possibly impose.

You wouldn't be. Would he, Tristan?

Not at all, Mrs H.

Happy to help.

Did you manage to get a good look at it?

Thankfully not.

I'm only going off what the lads have told me.

Which is...?

That it slithers about the ward, under the beds and such.

By the time anyone's dared to try and catch it,

it's made itself scarce.

Makes me come over all peculiar, even thinking about it.

I don't suppose you gleaned a description of its size or markings?

I'm rushed off my feet, love. Snake size? It's the best I can do.

Snakes come in a very wide variety of sizes and species...

Leave it with us. We'll give the place a thorough sweep.

It'll be out of your hair in no time.

If that thing gets anywhere near my hair, you'll know about it.

Right. I propose we attempt to think like a snake.

Oh, for goodness' sake. Now, where would we choose to hide?

Somewhere warm and secluded, no doubt.

Best of luck with that. I'll see you later.

You can't wriggle out of it now. You promised to find the snake.

There isn't one.

She's only got the lad's word for it,

which means she's having her leg pulled... in jest.

Where are you going?

Find somewhere warm and secluded, have a nap.

Enjoy the wild goose chase.

TRISTAN YAWNS

All right...

Where are all the beds?

Hello, Mrs Pumphrey.

Mr Farnon. How wonderful to see you.

You're quite well, I hope. Oh, fighting fit, yeah. Thank you.

I'm relieved to hear it.

Looking for something?

I've lost a painting I'm very fond of.

It's a landscape of the moors rendered in oils.

They must have moved it.

Don't they need to ask permission for that?

Unfortunately not.

Every time my back's turned,

something's been moved or... rearranged.

Must be a challenge, sharing your house with strangers.

It's a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things,

but I did try to take up the matter with Matron yesterday.

She barely paid me any heed at all.

Preoccupied with the snake, I should imagine.

HE CHUCKLES

The snake?

There's a snake?

Well... that's debatable.

Hello there.

Hello? Hello there.

Sorry to disturb. Are you looking for someone?

Yes. Well, no, not a person exactly.

Don't suppose you've seen a snake?

HE CHUCKLES No.

Sure?

I think I'd remember.

It'd definitely liven the place up a bit. Quite.

See you've palled up with Tricki.

Ah, he's anyone's for food. He's good company, though.

Dickens fan, are you? It's like wading through treacle.

I thought I was the only person who felt that way.

Library's as old as this bleeding house.

What would be more to your taste?

Can't beat a good swashbuckler. How about you?

Scientific periodicals, mostly.

Mm. Well, each to their own.

Yes.

Anyway, I should go.

Er, this snake you're after...

..could it be venomous or whatever?

Depends on the species.

Quite a few types, are there? Approximately 4,000 worldwide.

And did you know,

they're the second largest group of reptiles after lizards?

Oh, Matron. Mrs Pumphrey.

Any luck finding that painting you were after?

Not yet. No.

But more worryingly,

Mr Farnon's just told me about our uninvited guest.

Nothing to report as yet, but we're leaving no stone unturned.

You didn't think I should know? I didn't know you were here.

Well, I am, as is Tricki,

who I imagine looks quite tasty to a reptile on the prowl.

He could be in danger.

We can't just have people coming and going willy-nilly.

This is a hospital. It's Tricki's home.

Not at the minute, it isn't. Ah. Now, I should just...

And if you wouldn't mind looking for my painting, Matron,

I'd be extremely grateful.

Mrs Pumphrey, I'm trying to make the best

of being overworked and understaffed.

The painting'll have to wait.

We should really fetch Tricki, just to be on the safe side.

We could split up, take a ward each?

Y-Yes. Good thinking. You'd better start with the library.

Unless you have any objection, Matron?

Not at all. Be my guest.

SHEP BARKS Oh! Oh, you wee... Scram.

He never got you again. Oh, shamed to admit it.

Rose has improved, though, I hope?

Well, I gave her that linseed oil, like you said,

but she's not too clever still.

Morning!

Hello, Mr Oakley. Mr Herriot.

There's a stoppage. You can tell a mile off.

Still thanking your lucky stars, I'll bet.

Feeling any better?

I'm grand, thank you.

So, that's the trouble, then? A stoppage?

There could be some kind of obstruction, yes.

With digestive troubles,

they're often notoriously difficult to diagnose.

She just needs a right good gallop.

My father swore by it. Best way with the stoppage.

Well, don't let us hold you up.

Cheerio!

I'll try a lavage first.

If there's something blocking her up,

it'll get things moving along.

So no galloping, then? No galloping.

He means well, but it's an old wives' tale.

It's not veterinary advice.

So, my mate Ronald's inside the tank,

minding his own business, when he hears this rattling sound.

No. Yeah.

Damn thing's only got inside and made itself at home.

A rattlesnake in a tank?! Their venom's deadly.

You should've seen them come jumping out.

I've never known men move so fast.

THEY LAUGH

It sounds like you had quite the adventure over there.

I never had a mind to travel before, but it certainly opened my eyes.

What was the best part?

I couldn't get enough of the heat... and the food.

And some of the sights were just out of this world.

But the best part... is probably this.

My ticket back here.

And to see my girlfriend and my family.

Don't get me wrong. I accepted my lot.

I did my duty. You have to.

But the truth is everyone out there is just...

counting the days... till it's time to come home.

If you don't mind me asking... how did you come to be injured?

CLEARS THROAT Lieutenant Farnon. Good to meet you.

And you, Sir. Private Harry Tucker.

Sorry if Mr Carmody's bombarded you with questions.

Weren't you taking it easy?

Yes, I was, but Mrs Pumphrey wants Tricki back.

He'd clearly rather stay with Harry.

You'll keep an eye on him, won't you? Course.

Fine. Good. Yes.

But you're telling Mrs Pumphrey.

And believe me, she is not in a pleasant mood.

Tricki?

He went that way.

Nice to meet you.

TRICKI BARKS

Carmody!

There! There!

Gotcha! TRICKI GROWLS

Why's he so feisty all of a sudden?

He's bonded with Harry. Seems to be a great comfort.

That's why I wanted him to stay.

Harry's got him hooked on titbits, more like.

Right, have you got a decent hold? Yes. He's not a Great Dane.

I were hoping to pick your brains, Mr Bosworth.

I'm in need of a mattress.

Don't suppose you've got one to spare in donations?

But... But only if you're sure it's fair.

I'd hate to take something I shouldn't.

DOOR OPENS

Oh, thank you very much. That'll be James.

Now, is there any chance someone could bring it round today?

Hello there, wee man. Hello! BABY COOS

Oh, look who it is. Mummy's coming. Yes, she is.

Hello.

Good morning? Challenging.

Sid Crabtree's got a cow with a blockage, I think.

I'm gonna have to head up after lunch.

Did you flush her out? Twice. No change.

No. Well, there's time yet. Like watched pots with cows.

I know, but Sid can't afford to lose another animal.

I want to get it right.

Well, what makes you think you won't?

The postman said I should give her a gallop.

Mr Oakley? Aye.

Well, he thrives off telling folk what to do.

I know, but Sid was quite anxious.

I don't want him to think I'm not being thorough.

Well, give the cow a gallop, then. You'd try it?

Well, if it's what he wants, it puts his mind at rest.

It's his cow.

It could be rather satisfying to prove Oakley wrong,

especially when it doesn't make any difference.

Oh, two birds, one stone, eh?

It's two birds, one stone.

THEY CHUCKLE

TRISTAN STRAINS

TRISTAN GRUNTS

No, it's no good. It's stuck fast.

We might have to try and shin out of the window.

Locked, I believe. No sign of a key.

Well, let's hope someone passes by. Who?

This is hardly a thoroughfare.

Mrs Pumphrey's already looking for Tricki.

She won't rest till she finds him.

You know, it was rude of you

to interrupt my conversation with Harry.

You asked him outright how he was injured.

What's wrong with that?

Everything. He might not want to relive what happened.

But I asked, and he was quite happy...

Why don't we try just sitting quietly for a moment, hm?

TRISTAN SIGHS

Mr Farnon...

about that snake...

Oh, for the last time, it doesn't exist!

You might want to reconsider that hypothesis,

as he seems rather determined to prove you otherwise. Oh!

Mm-hm.

SNAKE HISSES

Good old Mr Bosworth. Much more comfy.

Any sign of James? Not since before. Why?

He's been struggling with the Crabtrees' cow.

He seemed a bit out of sorts about it.

Well, I don't mind having Jimmy, if you want to go up.

No, I can't give you another job.

Jimmy's not a job.

He's my favourite.

I insist. JIMMY COOS

Let me give you a hand shifting this upstairs first.

No, don't you worry. I won't be shifting it.

About time Mr Farnon made himself useful.

SHE CHUCKLES

Isn't he?

SHE FUSSES

What a magnificent specimen.

DRYLY: Breathtaking.

Led us on quite the merry dance, haven't you, Mr Python?

You'll be safe and warm in here. That's it.

M-M-Make sure it can't get out.

TRICKI GROWLS

I'm beginning to understand why you didn't want to look for him.

I put it down to laziness, but it was something else entirely.

Makes perfect sense now.

The last thing I am, Carmody, is lazy.

You're ophidiophobic.

Petrified of snakes. I'm not petrified of anything!

I just avoid them at all costs.

How does one manage that in Egypt?

With great difficulty.

Anyway, don't tell me - you're an expert, are you?

Nothing of the kind.

This is the first python I've seen in the flesh.

Read lots about them, though.

Well...

..catching it, that was, er...

That was brave.

TRICKI GROWLS

She's no better,

but she's no worse, either, and that's a good sign.

What now, then?

Well, the lavage is still making its way through her system.

Let's wait a little longer before we do anything else.

She'll come right. You'll see.

I'm glad she's in your hands, Mr Herriot.

I've been wondering, erm...

Might not be my place to ask, though.

Go on.

I hope it wasn't anything too serious -

whatever it was that got you sent home.

Oh, er...

It was brucellosis, actually.

Not from here?

Could've been. I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Well, it's not your fault.

It was just a fever every now and then.

Nothing of any consequence, really.

Unless you happened to be flying planes, of course.

Anything doing? Not yet.

Well, I've finished my round.

I'm ready and willing to gallop her for you.

No charge.

It's up to you. She's your cow, Mr Crabtree.

All right. Yeah. Go on. Let's give it a go.

Mrs Pumphrey's taking her time. TRISTAN CHUCKLES

She'll find us...

as long as she hasn't been speaking to the matron again,

got herself thrown out.

Why would she do that?

She hasn't been making herself very popular.

Not happy sharing the place.

And she might not be the only one who's being territorial.

Am I about to find out I've done something wrong again?

TRISTAN CHUCKLES

I meant me.

Perhaps I overreacted very slightly about the room.

I apologise.

And I apologise for taking your bed without asking.

Harry told me a little about how eager he was to return home.

I must admit, I'd only considered the logic of the matter before,

not the feelings you might have about it.

As I said, a slight overreaction.

I'm in your way. I'll find somewhere else.

I did intend to offer, but...

I confess, I've grown rather fond of the place.

Skeldale tends to have that effect on people.

It does.

My parents...

..spent most of the year abroad...

..so I grew up in boarding school.

It's been novel to put roots down somewhere.

Then you'll stay. And we'll share.

Only if you're sure. I'm sure.

That's if we ever manage to escape, of course.

Yes, I've had an idea about that. Oh, really?

An ingenious plan? Come on, then, let's hear it.

SHOUTS: HELP! TRISTAN LAUGHS

HELP! HELP!

HELP!

That'll do it, mark my words.

HELEN: Reckon we'll let James be the judge of that.

Well, have a look. I'm not wrong.

Easy. Easy.

No, it can't be.

Has he made it worse? No, no.

She actually sounds surprisingly good.

There, now, what did I tell you?

I promise you, it was the timing, not Mr Oakley.

He must've galloped her

at the precise moment the lavage took effect.

You're all right, Mr Herriot. I know you put the effort in.

She's on the mend, anyway, and that's what matters.

Thank you.

I reckon things turned out for the best, don't you?

The galloping? Brucellosis.

We're both lucky, in a way. Lucky?

Glad some good came of it.

See you next time, Mr Crabtree. See you next time.

SHEP BARKS

Down! Get away with you! Get away! SHEP WHINES

God, he frightened the life out me. I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

It's Shep... loves to pounce on people.

I should've expected it. It's... silly, really.

I didn't mean to scare him.

Where's Jimmy, anyway? Is he with his Auntie Jenny?

Mrs Hall.

So, you could take me to The Drovers on the way home, if you like.

Oh, I can, can I? Mm, reckon you've earned a breather.

I'm fine. Good for you.

I've had Jimmy, laundry, and Tristan's bed to contend with,

so I'm having a drink. And I'm not arguing.

TRISTAN: Help! RICHARD: Help! Help!

Help us. Tricki?

TRICKI BARKS Mrs Pumphrey.

Look at this. Oh, Tricki.

I could hear you miles away.

Who's being murdered? No-one.

We were trapped. The handle broke.

Tricki didn't want to leave the ward, so ran in here to hide.

Oh, dear. He does take his duties very seriously.

Maybe he could smell that dreadful snake,

and led you as far away from it as possible.

Oh, the opposite, in fact.

Is it real? Oh, definitely real.

Oh, Tricki.

I'm so sorry.

Would you like to meet him?

SHE CHUCKLES

You see, he might look frightening, but he's harmless.

Just a long way from home, in need of somewhere warm to lurk.

Rather misunderstood, I suppose.

When you put it that way,

he doesn't seem so dreadful after all.

Just trying to make sense of where he's ended up, poor thing.

You quite all right, Mr Farnon?

Fine. Put the lid back on.

You must be exhausted after your ordeal in that room.

Leave matron to me. I'll give her the good news.

Oh, we don't mind saving you the bother.

Don't look so worried. I intend to be civil. Hm!

Very wise. You take care of yourself, Tricki.

Be sure to keep the lid on that box, Mr Carmody.

Goodbye, dear boys.

Come on, then, Mr Python. Let's get you back to the surgery.

Wait, what? He's staying here, isn't he?

Did something else happen? No.

I wanted to do a good job for Mr Crabtree.

It was frustrating, but we got there in the end.

We don't shut each other out, James.

I'm not.

All right, there was one thing, but it was barely worth mentioning.

Him and Oakley...

they both said I was lucky, you know, to have got brucellosis.

Well, you were, I suppose. Very.

That one visit could've changed everything.

You don't agree?

I'm not sure, to be honest.

Well, you were sent home before you finished your training.

But that's fortunate in anyone's book.

The training's as dangerous as the real thing.

It certainly felt that way when my crew were shot down.

You never said.

I didn't want to frighten you... in case I flew again.

Still... It's all right.

Would it help if you told me about it now?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I've made my peace with it.

I'm so sorry, James.

We should go.

Home? Not just yet.

There's something I wanna take care of first.

Mrs Pumphrey...

they're taking it down to make room for a notice board.

Turns out they put it into storage for safekeeping.

Oh, don't tell me it's the wrong one.

Oh, no. It's perfect.

Thank you.

Caretaker found it, not me.

We've both found ourselves in rather trying circumstances, haven't we?

Not quite what we planned, but we forge ahead as best we can.

You're doing an excellent job for these men.

I'm sorry if I've made things more difficult.

I might've been too brusque before.

But I'm not myself with that snake creeping about.

It puts me right on edge.

Well, you'll be glad to hear that it's been apprehended and removed.

Oh.

I might finally sleep tonight, then. Mm.

I'll be sure to give you notice in future.

I didn't mean to be a nuisance.

Mrs Pumphrey...

the lads think the world of Tricki,

and it's obvious that you care about them a great deal.

Yes. I do.

I always wanted this house to be a haven for them.

I just didn't quite realise I'd have to move out

as part of the bargain.

This is my father's work.

It's a view from the house where I grew up.

Well, you didn't grow up here, then? Oh, goodness me, no.

I was such a fish out of water when I first arrived,

but this picture was always a piece of home.

Think I'll take it back to the cottage with me.

I hope it helps you to feel more settled.

Thank you. I'm sure it will.

TRICKI GROWLS Come on, darling.

There you go. Sorry I gave you a fright.

Come on, Shep.

Look what James has brought you. It's juicy and delicious.

I'm sorry, boy.

Do you think I've broken his spirit?

SHEP GROWLS

SHEP GROWLS, HE YELPS

THEY LAUGH

I think his spirit's doing just fine.

THEY LAUGH

I've named him Schrodinger after the thought experiment

because he was existent and non-existent simultaneously. Hm!

I see.

A private joke.

Although I definitely preferred the non-existent version,

which is why I'm putting my foot down.

He's not coming anywhere near the bedroom.

I'd be willing to negotiate on that.

All right.

I suppose you can keep my bed in exchange for no snake.

Done.

RICHARD LAUGHS What's so funny?

I was pulling your leg in jest.

For entertainment.

He won't be living in our room. That would be ridiculous.

Well, then, I take back what I said about the bed.

Have a look at this. TRISTAN SIGHS

Could that be the beginnings of scale rot?

We'll have to treat it topically.

Keep him clean and dry until he's recovered.

Hmm.

Oh, Mrs Hall, there you are.

You'll be pleased to hear that peace seems to have broken out...

unaided.

That's lovely news. Isn't it?

I only have one question.

How did you end up in the manor together?

Mrs Hall insisted Tristan helped.

Is that so?

All's well that ends well.

I think I'd better move on and head upstairs,

just in case this one gets peckish.

Would you give us a hand?

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm sorry I made a fuss.

I'm sorry for not being a better referee.

Still, Mrs Hall seems to have acquired a mattress.

We'll be queuing up to sleep in the cupboard now.

She didn't need to go to any trouble.

No, I said that, but, erm...

she's got this huge soft spot, you see.

I kept it empty for a year.

Your room.

Thought you ought to know.

At one point, I thought he was gonna

throw it around his neck like a scarf.

His face was priceless. THEY CHUCKLE

How did the poor soldiers cope? Luckily, they didn't see the snake.

But Harry was tickled when Tricki gave us the slip.

Who's Harry?

Served in the 5th Tank Regiment, injured in North Africa.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It's inspiring hearing about his travels and adventures.

Sounds like an interesting chap. He was.

He made me wonder if I should follow in his footsteps.

And join a Tank Regiment?

You couldn't see me driving one?

Richard, it took three people to teach you to drive a car.

I'd play to your strengths if I were you.

HELEN: Stick with the vetting. That's how you do your bit.

Probably not the best idea I've ever had.

No, I can confidently say it's the worst, my friend.

THEY LAUGH No offence.

None taken.

THEY CHUCKLE

Here's to an undisturbed night, thanks to you.

No, I didn't do much.

No, just... smoothed the waters, encouraged a friendship.

Pulled my head out of a large pile of sand.

Thank you for your efforts.

I do like it when the house is full and happy.

So do I.

Look... where are we keeping the snake?

Carmody will find a zoo to help us with that.

TRISTAN GRUNTS

Oh! Mrs Hall's an angel.

This bed is utter bliss.

Nice try, but it won't work. What?

You're trying to fool me into thinking the grass is greener,

but we shook on our deal fair and square.

It was completely underhand, and you know it.

If you don't mind, I really do need to get some sleep.

TRISTAN SIGHS

In spite of everything...

..I rather enjoyed our escapade. TRISTAN CHUCKLES

Yeah, same here.

You could say you've grown on me.

Like bacteria?

Like bacteria, exactly.

TRISTAN CHUCKLES

Good night, Tristan.

Good night, Richard.

I will find a way...

..to get my bed back.

I'd expect nothing less.

May the best man win.

TRISTAN CHUCKLES

TRISTAN SIGHS