All language subtitles for All Creatures Great and Small s05e04 Uninvited Guests.eng

So, I was about 30 miles south
of Tobruk,

dunes as far as the eye could see.

Not the place
you wanna find yourself in a bind,

let me tell you.

And then all of a sudden, I feel it.

The stab of a pistol in my back.

You're kidding.
Sadly not.

My blood froze.
What did you do?

Pfft. Nothing else to do.
Turn around and face the enemy.

And there he was.
Tall, mean... slobbering.

It was only the bloody camel
with my whip in his mouth,

giving me a good prod.
Tristan!

Thought we were having a
real one for once.

That was a real one, honest to God.

He wanted to get back to camp
for breakfast.

Gobbler, we called him.
Hungriest camel in all of Tobruk.

Look at this.
Quietest baby in all of Darrowby.

Should pick you up
from the bus stop more often.

Uncle Tristan,
happy to be of service.

Are you stocking up for me, Mrs H?
You shouldn't have.

Buzz off, thank you.

I have to make that stretch
for all of us...

and Mr Carmody.

Carmody's back?
You didn't say anything.

I couldn't get a word in
round the camels.

Siegfried's gone to fetch
him from the station.

Before I forget, Mr Crabtree were on
earlier about a cow off its food.

It
wasn't urgent, was it?

He said it could wait till morning,
but he did sound concerned.

No,
yeah, I can take a look now.

Fancy
lending a hand?

Afraid not. I'd rather stay here,
put a face to the bowtie.

Mr Herriot,
thanks for coming.

Mr Crabtree.
Are your herds looking promising?

Aye, building up again,
slowly but surely.

Got some good,
healthy calves this year.

Oh, that's
excellent news. DOG BARKS

Down, boy. Down.
JAMES LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

So,
you got yourself a dog?

Yeah. Don't mind Shep.
He's a softy.

Just has a taste
for putting the wind up folk.

Cheeky
wee joker, eh? CHUCKLES

So, you've got a cow needs
seeing? Rose.

She won't eat.
Can't work out why.

It might be nowt, but...
I didn't wanna leave it too long.

Oh, don't worry.
We'll get to the bottom of it.

Pop
them on the pile.

Oh, and there's your clean shirts
from last time up in your room.

Yes, I saw. Thank you.

Also couldn't help but notice
both beds were made up.

Yes.

Mr Farnon didn't think you'd mind
sharing with Mr Carmody. Oh.

DOOR OPENS
Speak of the devil.

Oh, here he is.

How were your journey?
Long.

I'm very
glad to be back, Mrs Hall.

How's Doncaster
treating you? Yeah, not too shabbily.

Putting new recruits
through their paces.

Tristan Farnon, Richard Carmody.
The famous Tristan Farnon.

How do you do?
Hello.

My replacement. We meet at last.

Technically,
I was James's replacement.

Well, either way, congratulations
on sticking it out with my brother.

Many have tried. Few survive.

I can't see why
that would be the case.

Mr Farnon's taught me a great deal.
It's been extremely stimulating.

Richard's just finished his
finals in London.

Ah, yes. Heard all about
you Royal College chaps.

I trust the celebrations
were suitably debauched, eh?

Not for me.

Right. Well, erm...

Well, we can remedy that later,
I expect, in The Drovers.

If it's all the same,
I have things to attend to here.

Such as?

I managed to get my hands
on the bacteria I told you about,

from the university lab.
Did you?

Perhaps we could culture
them together.

I'd be delighted.

Omnia
probate, quod bonum tenete.

Prove all things,
hold fast that which is good.

Hey, you could have warned me.

Siegfried's multiplied,
spawned a mini killjoy.

Oh! Give over.
Pfft.

Reminder
to keep the mind open...

He might take a bit
of getting used to,

but
he's not a killjoy.

He chose bacteria over booze.

Honestly, why do I feel like

I'm about to spend
my precious time off in a library?

It won't be that bad.
Oh, easy for you to say.

You don't have to share a room
with the man.

COW MOOS

I can rule out
traumatic reticulitis.

She isn't wired.

Any changes
to her diet recently?

No, she's
had the same as always.

She
usually eats like a horse.

Well, a cow with an appetite,
anyway.

Well,
that could be our answer.

If her eyes are bigger
than her belly,

it could be indigestion
from overfeeding.

So, not too serious?

Well, nothing a dose of linseed
oil won't clear up.

Start
her on a couple of ounces.

She should be much brighter
by the morning, fingers crossed.

Thank
you, Mr Herriot.

When did Cribbage
become all the rage?

I had to find something he
couldn't cheat at. Oh, rot.

You can play next.
I'm about to thrash Richard.

No, thanks. All Greek to me. Why
don't you fetch another game?

Perhaps. Or, even better,

we could venture across the square
for a nightcap,

escape the clutches
of the pipe and slippers.

Well, I'm due on my rounds,
I'm afraid. Oh.

Early start.

Jamie'll
be wanting his feed. Mm.

..for
the pair, three for the run.

Siegfried? Yes?
Muggins!

What? To play Muggins rules,
you must declare Muggins rules.

Muggins rules are always in play
with experienced opponents.

It's just me, then. Clearly
miscounted your points.

You missed two.
Enjoy yourself.

I
was distracted by Tristan!

Which means they're mine.
Oh, you wretch! I demand a replay.

That's against the rules. I
don't care. Cheat!

Oh. It's all right. It's all right.
DOG WHINES

It's only me.
Don't bark, don't bark.

Siegfried'll have my guts
for garters.

Good. Good night. Sleep well.

Oh!

Great (!) Who put that there?

Ah!
Whoa!

Wrong bed!
Shush, shush, shush!

You shush!

You're in the cupboard. Does
it look like it?

I couldn't see you in the dark.

Why are we shouting
in the middle of the night?

He has commandeered my bed.

It was mine before.
It's in my room and in my house.

Oh, for God's sake! Why haven't
you sorted this out before?

He
vanished off to the pub.

I've been stuck in military bunks
for months.

I've earned the sweet embrace
of my own bed.

No.
It's logical I have it,

since I work here
covering the night calls.

How's that logical?

If you'll be out at night,
you'll be barely in it.

Says the man rolling in
at one in the morning.

Well...
Enough!

What
do you suggest, Mr Farnon?

You're grown men.

I suggest you resolve it
amongst yourselves... quietly.

TRISTAN GROANS

SNORING

Oh!

Tristan was happy enough
when he shared with James.

Well, he were still a student then.
And Richard's so amenable...

Well... .
.once you get to know him.

Might Tristan be feeling a bit.
.. left out?

No,
no, that's not it.

Right.

Anyway, I told them
to sort it out themselves.

Do excuse me, Matron,
could you repeat that?

And
you're absolutely sure?

Oh. Sorry about the racket
last night, Mrs H.

Not to worry.
I got back to sleep soon enough.

I
should apologise, too. Mm.

I'm sorry Tristan
almost crushed me to death,

thus causing the entire
house to wake up.

Richard, you're to go up
to the manor, fast as you can.

Oh, is it Tricki?
No, it's a snake.

That's an exotic addition
for Mrs Pumphrey.

Smuggled in from abroad
by one of the soldiers.

The house has been requisitioned
as an Army convalescent home.

What's wrong with the snake?
Nothing. It's on the loose.

Goodness. Yes.
Caused quite a stir up there.

I can imagine.

The matron didn't know
who else to turn to.

Well, I'm delighted
she turned to us.

I adore snakes.

You ever seen one in the wild? Only
the odd adder. You?

Yeah, Cairo's teeming with them.

Let's
go and find the rascal, then.

Er, I'm afraid I have a full
list in surgery.

Let
me know how you get on.

Hm!

It's a big house.

Might be something of a...
snake in a haystack.

Tris'll help.

Will I?

Well, it sounds like
you're familiar with snakes.

Only in a very loose, general sense.

Also, he doesn't work
here any more.

Yes. I don't work here any more.
There is that.

I wouldn't call it "work".
More of a favour.

Give you two the chance to get
to know each other better, won't it?

I think we've got a good grasp
of that already,

thanks to the close quarters.

I
couldn't possibly impose.

You wouldn't be.
Would he, Tristan?

Not at all, Mrs H.

Happy to help.

Did you manage
to get a good look at it?

Thankfully not.

I'm only going off
what the lads have told me.

Which is...?

That it slithers about the ward,
under the beds and such.

By the time anyone's dared
to try and catch it,

it's
made itself scarce.

Makes me come over all peculiar,
even thinking about it.

I don't suppose you gleaned a
description of its size or markings?

I'm rushed off my feet, love.
Snake size? It's the best I can do.

Snakes come in a very wide variety
of sizes and species...

Leave it with us. We'll give
the place a thorough sweep.

It'll be out of your hair
in no time.

If that thing gets anywhere near
my hair, you'll know about it.

Right. I propose we attempt
to think like a snake.

Oh, for goodness' sake. Now,
where would we choose to hide?

Somewhere warm and secluded,
no doubt.

Best of luck with that.
I'll see you later.

You can't wriggle out of it now.
You promised to find the snake.

There isn't one.

She's only got
the lad's word for it,

which means she's having
her leg pulled... in jest.

Where are you going?

Find somewhere warm and secluded,
have a nap.

Enjoy the wild goose chase.

TRISTAN YAWNS

All right...

Where are all the beds?

Hello, Mrs Pumphrey.

Mr Farnon.
How wonderful to see you.

You're quite well, I hope.
Oh, fighting fit, yeah. Thank you.

I'm
relieved to hear it.

Looking for something?

I've lost a painting
I'm very fond of.

It's a landscape of the moors
rendered in oils.

They
must have moved it.

Don't they need
to ask permission for that?

Unfortunately not.

Every
time my back's turned,

something's been moved or.
.. rearranged.

Must be a challenge,
sharing your house with strangers.

It's a minor inconvenience
in the grand scheme of things,

but I did try to take up the matter
with Matron yesterday.

She barely
paid me any heed at all.

Preoccupied with the snake,
I should imagine.

HE CHUCKLES

The snake?

There's a snake?

Well... that's debatable.

Hello there.

Hello?
Hello there.

Sorry to disturb.
Are you looking for someone?

Yes. Well,
no, not a person exactly.

Don't
suppose you've seen a snake?

HE CHUCKLES
No.

Sure?

I
think I'd remember.

It'd definitely liven the place up
a bit. Quite.

See you've
palled up with Tricki.

Ah, he's anyone's for food.
He's good company, though.

Dickens fan, are you?
It's like wading through treacle.

I thought I was the only person
who felt that way.

Library's as old
as this bleeding house.

What
would be more to your taste?

Can't beat a good swashbuckler.
How about you?

Scientific
periodicals, mostly.

Mm.
Well, each to their own.

Yes.

Anyway, I should go.

Er,
this snake you're after...

..could
it be venomous or whatever?

Depends
on the species.

Quite a few types, are there?
Approximately 4,000 worldwide.

And did you know,

they're the second largest group
of reptiles after lizards?

Oh, Matron.
Mrs Pumphrey.

Any luck finding that painting
you were after?

Not yet. No.

But more worryingly,

Mr Farnon's just told me
about our uninvited guest.

Nothing to report as yet,
but we're leaving no stone unturned.

You didn't think I
should know? I didn't know you were here.

Well,
I am, as is Tricki,

who I imagine looks quite tasty
to a reptile on the prowl.

He
could be in danger.

We can't just have people
coming and going willy-nilly.

This is a hospital.
It's Tricki's home.

Not at the minute, it isn't. Ah.
Now, I should just...

And if you wouldn't mind
looking for my painting, Matron,

I'd
be extremely grateful.

Mrs Pumphrey,
I'm trying to make the best

of being overworked
and understaffed.

The painting'll have to wait.

We should really fetch Tricki,
just to be on the safe side.

We could
split up, take a ward each?

Y-Yes. Good thinking.
You'd better start with the library.

Unless you have any objection,
Matron?

Not at all. Be my guest.

SHEP BARKS Oh!
Oh, you wee... Scram.

He never got you again.
Oh, shamed to admit it.

Rose has
improved, though, I hope?

Well, I gave her that linseed
oil, like you said,

but
she's not too clever still.

Morning!

Hello, Mr Oakley.
Mr Herriot.

There's a stoppage.
You can tell a mile off.

Still thanking your lucky stars,
I'll bet.

Feeling any better?

I'm
grand, thank you.

So, that's the trouble,
then? A stoppage?

There could be
some kind of obstruction, yes.

With
digestive troubles,

they're often notoriously difficult
to diagnose.

She just needs a right good gallop.

My father swore by it.
Best way with the stoppage.

Well,
don't let us hold you up.

Cheerio!

I'll
try a lavage first.

If there's something
blocking her up,

it'll
get things moving along.

So no galloping, then?
No galloping.

He means well,
but it's an old wives' tale.

It's
not veterinary advice.

So, my mate Ronald's
inside the tank,

minding his own business,
when he hears this rattling sound.

No.
Yeah.

Damn thing's only got inside
and made itself at home.

A rattlesnake in a tank?!
Their venom's deadly.

You should've seen them
come jumping out.

I've never
known men move so fast.

THEY LAUGH

It sounds like you had
quite the adventure over there.

I never had a mind to travel before,
but it certainly opened my eyes.

What was the best part?

I couldn't get enough of the heat.
.. and the food.

And some of the sights
were just out of this world.

But the best part...
is probably this.

My ticket back here.

And to see my girlfriend
and my family.

Don't get me wrong.
I accepted my lot.

I did my duty.
You have to.

But the truth is
everyone out there is just...

counting the days...
till it's time to come home.

If you don't mind me asking...
how did you come to be injured?

CLEARS THROAT Lieutenant Farnon.
Good to meet you.

And you, Sir.
Private Harry Tucker.

Sorry if Mr Carmody's bombarded
you with questions.

Weren't you taking it easy?

Yes, I was, but
Mrs Pumphrey wants Tricki back.

He'd clearly rather stay with Harry.

You'll keep an eye on him,
won't you?Course.

Fine.
Good.Yes.

But
you're telling Mrs Pumphrey.

And believe me,
she is not in a pleasant mood.

Tricki?

He went that way.

Nice to meet you.

TRICKI BARKS

Carmody!

There! There!

Gotcha!
TRICKI GROWLS

Why's
he so feisty all of a sudden?

He's bonded with Harry.
Seems to be a great comfort.

That's why I wanted him to stay.

Harry's got him hooked on
titbits, more like.

Right, have you got
a decent hold? Yes. He's not a Great Dane.

I were hoping to pick your
brains, Mr Bosworth.

I'm
in need of a mattress.

Don't suppose you've got one
to spare in donations?

But... But only if you're
sure it's fair.

I'd hate to take something
I shouldn't.

DOOR OPENS

Oh, thank you very much.
That'll be James.

Now, is there any chance
someone could bring it round today?

Hello there, wee man. Hello!
BABY COOS

Oh, look who it is.
Mummy's coming. Yes, she is.

Hello.

Good morning?
Challenging.

Sid Crabtree's got a cow
with a blockage, I think.

I'm gonna have to head up
after lunch.

Did you
flush her out? Twice. No change.

No. Well, there's time yet.
Like watched pots with cows.

I know, but Sid can't afford
to lose another animal.

I want to get it right.

Well, what makes you think
you won't?

The postman said
I should give her a gallop.

Mr Oakley?
Aye.

Well, he thrives
off telling folk what to do.

I know, but Sid was quite anxious.

I don't want him to think
I'm not being thorough.

Well, give the
cow a gallop, then. You'd try it?

Well, if it's what he wants,
it puts his mind at rest.

It's his cow.

It could be rather satisfying
to prove Oakley wrong,

especially when it doesn't
make any difference.

Oh,
two birds, one stone, eh?

It's
two birds, one stone.

THEY CHUCKLE

TRISTAN STRAINS

TRISTAN GRUNTS

No, it's no good.
It's stuck fast.

We might have to try
and shin out of the window.

Locked, I believe.
No sign of a key.

Well, let's hope someone passes by.
Who?

This
is hardly a thoroughfare.

Mrs Pumphrey's already looking
for Tricki.

She won't
rest till she finds him.

You
know, it was rude of you

to interrupt my conversation
with Harry.

You asked him outright
how he was injured.

What's
wrong with that?

Everything. He might not want
to relive what happened.

But I asked,
and he was quite happy...

Why don't we try just sitting
quietly for a moment, hm?

TRISTAN SIGHS

Mr Farnon...

about that snake...

Oh, for the last time,
it doesn't exist!

You might want
to reconsider that hypothesis,

as he seems rather determined to
prove you otherwise. Oh!

Mm-hm.

SNAKE HISSES

Good old Mr Bosworth.
Much more comfy.

Any sign of James?
Not since before. Why?

He's been struggling
with the Crabtrees' cow.

He seemed a bit out of
sorts about it.

Well, I don't mind having Jimmy,
if you want to go up.

No, I
can't give you another job.

Jimmy's not a job.

He's my favourite.

I insist.
JIMMY COOS

Let me give you a hand
shifting this upstairs first.

No, don't you worry.
I won't be shifting it.

About time Mr Farnon
made himself useful.

SHE CHUCKLES

Isn't he?

SHE FUSSES

What
a magnificent specimen.

DRYLY:Breathtaking.

Led us on quite the merry dance,
haven't you, Mr Python?

You'll be safe and warm in here.
That's it.

M-M-
Make sure it can't get out.

TRICKI GROWLS

I'm beginning to understand
why you didn't want to look for him.

I put it down to laziness,
but it was something else entirely.

Makes
perfect sense now.

The last thing I am, Carmody,
is lazy.

You're
ophidiophobic.

Petrified of snakes.
I'm not petrified of anything!

I just
avoid them at all costs.

How does
one manage that in Egypt?

With
great difficulty.

Anyway, don't tell me -
you're an expert, are you?

Nothing of the kind.

This is the first python
I've seen in the flesh.

Read
lots about them, though.

Well...

..catching
it, that was, er...

That was brave.

TRICKI GROWLS

She's no better,

but she's no worse, either,
and that's a good sign.

What now, then?

Well, the lavage is still
making its way through her system.

Let's wait a little longer
before we do anything else.

She'll come right. You'll see.

I'm glad she's in your hands,
Mr Herriot.

I've
been wondering, erm...

Might not be my place
to ask, though.

Go on.

I hope it wasn't anything
too serious -

whatever it was
that got you sent home.

Oh, er...

It was brucellosis, actually.

Not from here?

Could've been. I'm.
.. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Well, it's not your fault.

It was just a fever
every now and then.

Nothing of any consequence, really.

Unless you happened
to be flying planes, of course.

Anything doing?
Not yet.

Well,
I've finished my round.

I'm ready and willing to
gallop her for you.

No charge.

It's up to you.
She's your cow, Mr Crabtree.

All right. Yeah. Go on.
Let's give it a go.

Mrs Pumphrey's taking her time.
TRISTAN CHUCKLES

She'll find us...

as long as she hasn't been
speaking to the matron again,

got
herself thrown out.

Why
would she do that?

She hasn't been making herself
very popular.

Not
happy sharing the place.

And she might not be the only one
who's being territorial.

Am I about to find out
I've done something wrong again?

TRISTAN CHUCKLES

I meant me.

Perhaps I overreacted very slightly
about the room.

I apologise.

And I apologise for taking your
bed without asking.

Harry told me a little about
how eager he was to return home.

I must admit, I'd only considered
the logic of the matter before,

not the feelings
you might have about it.

As I
said, a slight overreaction.

I'm in your way.
I'll find somewhere else.

I did
intend to offer, but...

I confess, I've
grown rather fond of the place.

Skeldale tends to have that
effect on people.

It does.

My parents...

..spent
most of the year abroad...

..so I
grew up in boarding school.

It's been novel
to put roots down somewhere.

Then you'll stay.
And we'll share.

Only if you're sure.
I'm sure.

That's if we ever manage to
escape, of course.

Yes, I've had an idea about that.
Oh, really?

An ingenious plan?
Come on, then, let's hear it.

SHOUTS:HELP!
TRISTAN LAUGHS

HELP! HELP!

HELP!

That'll do it, mark my words.

HELEN:Reckon we'll let James
be the judge of that.

Well, have a look. I'm not wrong.

Easy. Easy.

No, it can't be.

Has he made it worse?
No, no.

She actually sounds
surprisingly good.

There, now, what did I tell you?

I promise you, it was the timing,
not Mr Oakley.

He
must've galloped her

at the precise moment
the lavage took effect.

You're all right, Mr Herriot.
I know you put the effort in.

She's on the mend, anyway,
and that's what matters.

Thank you.

I reckon things turned out
for the best, don't you?

The galloping?
Brucellosis.

We're both lucky, in a way.
Lucky?

Glad
some good came of it.

See you next time, Mr Crabtree.
See you next time.

SHEP BARKS

Down! Get away
with you! Get away! SHEP WHINES

God, he frightened the life out me.
I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

It's Shep...
loves to pounce on people.

I should've expected it.
It's... silly, really.

I
didn't mean to scare him.

Where's Jimmy, anyway?
Is he with his Auntie Jenny?

Mrs Hall.

So, you could take me to The Drovers
on the way home, if you like.

Oh, I can, can I?
Mm, reckon you've earned a breather.

I'm fine.
Good for you.

I've had Jimmy, laundry,
and Tristan's bed to contend with,

so I'm having a drink.
And I'm not arguing.

TRISTAN: Help!
RICHARD:Help! Help!

Help us.
Tricki?

TRICKI BARKS
Mrs Pumphrey.

Look at this.
Oh, Tricki.

I
could hear you miles away.

Who's being murdered?
No-one.

We were trapped.
The handle broke.

Tricki didn't want to leave
the ward, so ran in here to hide.

Oh, dear. He does take his duties
very seriously.

Maybe he could smell
that dreadful snake,

and led you as far away from
it as possible.

Oh, the opposite, in fact.

Is it real?
Oh, definitely real.

Oh, Tricki.

I'm so sorry.

Would
you like to meet him?

SHE CHUCKLES

You see, he might look frightening,
but he's harmless.

Just a long way from home,
in need of somewhere warm to lurk.

Rather misunderstood, I suppose.

When
you put it that way,

he doesn't seem so dreadful
after all.

Just trying to make sense
of where he's ended up, poor thing.

You
quite all right, Mr Farnon?

Fine. Put the lid back on.

You must be exhausted
after your ordeal in that room.

Leave matron to me.
I'll give her the good news.

Oh, we don't mind
saving you the bother.

Don't look so worried.
I intend to be civil. Hm!

Very wise.
You take care of yourself, Tricki.

Be sure to keep the lid on
that box, Mr Carmody.

Goodbye, dear boys.

Come on, then, Mr Python.
Let's get you back to the surgery.

Wait, what?
He's staying here, isn't he?

Did
something else happen? No.

I wanted to do a good job
for Mr Crabtree.

It was frustrating,
but we got there in the end.

We don't
shut each other out, James.

I'm not.

All right, there was one thing,
but it was barely worth mentioning.

Him and Oakley...

they both said I was lucky,
you know, to have got brucellosis.

Well,
you were, I suppose. Very.

That one visit
could've changed everything.

You don't agree?

I'm not sure, to be honest.

Well, you were sent home
before you finished your training.

But that's fortunate
in anyone's book.

The training's as dangerous
as the real thing.

It certainly felt that way
when my crew were shot down.

You never said.

I didn't want to frighten you...
in case I flew again.

Still...
It's all right.

Would it help
if you told me about it now?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I've made my peace with it.

I'm so sorry, James.

We should go.

Home?
Not just yet.

There's something
I wanna take care of first.

Mrs Pumphrey...

they're taking it down
to make room for a notice board.

Turns out they put it into storage
for safekeeping.

Oh, don't tell me
it's the wrong one.

Oh, no. It's perfect.

Thank you.

Caretaker
found it, not me.

We've both found ourselves in rather
trying circumstances, haven't we?

Not quite what we planned,
but we forge ahead as best we can.

You're doing an excellent job
for these men.

I'm sorry if I've made things
more difficult.

I might've
been too brusque before.

But I'm not myself
with that snake creeping about.

It
puts me right on edge.

Well, you'll be glad to hear that
it's been apprehended and removed.

Oh.

I might
finally sleep tonight, then. Mm.

I'll be sure to give you notice
in future.

I didn't mean to be a nuisance.

Mrs Pumphrey...

the lads
think the world of Tricki,

and it's obvious that you care
about them a great deal.

Yes. I do.

I always wanted this house
to be a haven for them.

I just didn't quite realise
I'd have to move out

as part of the bargain.

This is my father's work.

It's a view from the house
where I grew up.

Well, you didn't
grow up here, then? Oh, goodness me, no.

I was such a fish out of water
when I first arrived,

but this picture was always
a piece of home.

Think I'll take it back
to the cottage with me.

I hope it helps you
to feel more settled.

Thank you. I'm sure it will.

TRICKI GROWLS
Come on, darling.

There you go.
Sorry I gave you a fright.

Come on, Shep.

Look what James has brought you.
It's juicy and delicious.

I'm sorry, boy.

Do you
think I've broken his spirit?

SHEP GROWLS

SHEP GROWLS,
HE YELPS

THEY LAUGH

I think his spirit's
doing just fine.

THEY LAUGH

I've named him Schrodinger
after the thought experiment

because he was existent
and non-existent simultaneously. Hm!

I see.

A private joke.

Although I definitely preferred
the non-existent version,

which is why
I'm putting my foot down.

He's not coming anywhere
near the bedroom.

I'd be
willing to negotiate on that.

All right.

I suppose you can keep my bed
in exchange for no snake.

Done.

RICHARD LAUGHS
What's so funny?

I was
pulling your leg in jest.

For entertainment.

He won't be living in our room.
That would be ridiculous.

Well, then, I take back what I said
about the bed.

Have a look at this.
TRISTAN SIGHS

Could that be the beginnings
of scale rot?

We'll
have to treat it topically.

Keep him clean and dry
until he's recovered.

Hmm.

Oh,
Mrs Hall, there you are.

You'll be pleased to hear that
peace seems to have broken out...

unaided.

That's lovely news.
Isn't it?

I
only have one question.

How did you end up
in the manor together?

Mrs Hall
insisted Tristan helped.

Is that so?

All's
well that ends well.

I think I'd better move on
and head upstairs,

just in
case this one gets peckish.

Would
you give us a hand?

Sorry.
Sorry.

I'm sorry I made a fuss.

I'm sorry for
not being a better referee.

Still, Mrs Hall seems
to have acquired a mattress.

We'll be queuing up to sleep
in the cupboard now.

She didn't need to go
to any trouble.

No,
I said that, but, erm...

she's got this huge soft
spot, you see.

I
kept it empty for a year.

Your room.

Thought
you ought to know.

At one point, I thought he was gonna

throw it around his neck
like a scarf.

His face was priceless.
THEY CHUCKLE

How did the poor soldiers cope?
Luckily, they didn't see the snake.

But Harry was tickled
when Tricki gave us the slip.

Who's Harry?

Served in the 5th Tank Regiment,
injured in North Africa.

I'm
sorry to hear that.

It's inspiring hearing
about his travels and adventures.

Sounds like an interesting chap.
He was.

He made me wonder
if I should follow in his footsteps.

And
join a Tank Regiment?

You
couldn't see me driving one?

Richard, it took three people
to teach you to drive a car.

I'd play to your strengths
if I were you.

HELEN:Stick with the vetting.
That's how you do your bit.

Probably not the best idea
I've ever had.

No, I can confidently say
it's the worst, my friend.

THEY LAUGH
No offence.

None taken.

THEY CHUCKLE

Here's to an undisturbed night,
thanks to you.

No,
I didn't do much.

No, just... smoothed the waters,
encouraged a friendship.

Pulled my head out
of a large pile of sand.

Thank you for your efforts.

I do like it
when the house is full and happy.

So do I.

Look... where
are we keeping the snake?

Carmody will find a zoo
to help us with that.

TRISTAN GRUNTS

Oh!
Mrs Hall's an angel.

This
bed is utter bliss.

Nice try, but it won't work.
What?

You're trying to fool me
into thinking the grass is greener,

but we shook on our deal fair
and square.

It was completely underhand,
and you know it.

If you don't mind,
I really do need to get some sleep.

TRISTAN SIGHS

In spite of everything...

..I rather enjoyed our escapade.
TRISTAN CHUCKLES

Yeah, same here.

You could
say you've grown on me.

Like bacteria?

Like
bacteria, exactly.

TRISTAN CHUCKLES

Good night, Tristan.

Good night, Richard.

I will find a way...

..to get my bed back.

I'd
expect nothing less.

May
the best man win.

TRISTAN CHUCKLES

TRISTAN SIGHS

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