All language subtitles for Afternoon Delight-WEBDL-PublicHD.ENGLISH

Connection.

Phone book.

Jeff work.

Logan school.

Home.

Jeff cell.

Jeff work.

Jeff cell.

Jeff work.

Jeff work.

How can I complain?

Women in Darfur, you know, walk 14 miles to get water,

raped on the way.

And on their way home, just trying to get water back to

the family, raped again, spill all the water, have to go

back, probably raped a third time.

I mean, how dare I?

How dare any of us?

Rachel, do I need to remind you how much time you spend

giving back?

You know
what, if it's gluten-free and

it is the same, how could it hurt?

Eastside JCC Moms!

What are we doing?

Packing lunch for the homeless!

OK, I'm gonna post this.

When you get home, be sure to like it.

OK?

You have to share it with everybody.

Get your friends to like it.

I'm gonna see you guys at the auction?

Rachel, I'm talking to you.

Yep, got it.

I know, it takes a lot of time.

And how are things with Logan?

Is he good?

Oh, Logan is awesome.

Are you two playing?

I know you said you were having trouble getting on the

floor with him and just playing.

So fun just to get on the floor and just play with him.

And how's Jeff?

Yeah, all's well.

Good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

Good, good.

Rachel, you don't have to tell me the truth, but,

uh, it is your time.

You pay for it.

Still no sex.

Lost count.

Six months.

I feel like there's a lot of couples that probably go

through dry spells-

-Not healthy couples, no.

Instead of just, like, talking about the

fact that we're not having sex, we use this code.

He asks if he should put the dog out.

Hey baby.

I gotta sleep.

Yeah, I know.

I was just, uh, thinking of putting Bonnet out.

-Um--

-Or you know, I could just let him stay in here.

If you don't want me to.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter to me either.

Well, let him stay.

You sure?

Yeah?

Yeah.

OK.

Are you avoiding intercourse?

Bedtime?

That is the worst time to have sex.

Is there a time you'd prefer?

Oh, like a 3:30, or 4:00
tea time thing.

You know?

Elicit.

Curtains closed, sun trying to get in.

We meet somewhere.

May I share something with you?

When Portia and I met in
1979 at Smith College--

Does your shrink tell

you about her life?

No, because if she did, I would fire her.

It goes against her, like, Hippocratic Oath or something.

- Oh my god, Lenore is always
talking about her awful--

-Ugh, Lenore.

--Lesbian partner Portia and how deep their love is.

Please fire Lenore.

Ugh.

I bet they have eyes open orgasms.

Looking into the eyes of
your partner when he--

No thank you.

Oh god, I'm so ready just to
say fuck you to that auction.

I just do not wanna go.

Oh my god, me neither.

I'm buying a parking space for my horrible wife.

No, I'm buying the parking space for my horrible wife.

Ugh.

Oh, gentleman's club.

Oh, well, yes, of course, because they are the most

Their little nut sack peeking out, and their tiny little

monocles.

Top of the morning to you, ladies.

Would you mind if I jacked myself off?

You ever been to a strip club?

Seriously?

Bo and I have gone to, like, a million strip clubs.

Are you serious?

Yes.

We go there, we get all hot, and
then we bang the shit out

of each other when we get home.

Should I make a res?

What's wrong with you?

Let me guess.

This was Steph's idea.

No, actually, it was my idea.

I've never done anything like this before.

It'll be hilarious.

You've never been to a strip club?

No.

Strip clubs are sad, and they
make me the opposite of horny.

They make me angry.

You don't think that looking at young, hot American tits

are gonna get you horny?

How do you know their American?

-They could be--

I don't know.

You're not gonna know what hits you when you get home.

It's gonna be sexual.

It's gonna be oh so sexual.

Mm.

I'm gonna eat you alive.

I'm might--

I might even suck it right off.

You don't know.

I do not know.

It's gonna be good.

- I'm gonna make some hot loving
to your-- to your dad

bod.

Oh, man.

I wanted to bid on the Cuperbergs' condo in Maui and

now I can't.

Jeff, you don't wanna stay at that condo.

It sounds repulsing.

Yeah I do.

It's in Maui.

You can't even see the ocean from that condo.

Why would we stay there?

Jesus, Rachel, put on some clothes.

Men wear those on their faces when they rob banks.

You press that panic button, I'm gonna

shoot you in the face.

Bing, bing.

Did you tell the babysitter what Logan likes for dinner?

All right, I'm gonna see if we
have any of that frozen soy

cheese pizza.

IDs, please.

Hi.

Are you serious?

I can't tell with y'all nowadays.

You know?

Best night of my life.

Oh my god, thank you.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Making my day.

Larissa.

Let's give it up for Larissa.

Come on up.

How old are you?

I'm 19.

Oh my god, that's young.

I had a baby.

That's OK.

Hey baby.

I'm gonna put Bonnet out, OK?

OK.

No, of course we should.

That's why we're--

Hold on a minute.

Wha?

What are you doing?

I am so sorry!

That's OK.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

It's OK.

I know this was the night.

It's OK.

Did you do it to each other last night, or what?

I was puking and Jeff was tired.

Oh my god, you are gay and Jeff was gay.

OK, he might've tried to shove it in there.

I couldn't tell you.

Does Bo ever just fold it and mush it in?

Oh my god, like a soft response?

Just sneak it in there?

Oh god, Jennie.

Hey.

Oh, I'm so sorry, my sister had a thing.

Yeah, mine did too.

So weird.

Hey you.

Matt bought me the parking space.

Of course he did.

Oh.

Yeah, I'll do it.

I do.

Wait, where are you going?

I booked a massage.

Previous destination.

Sam's Hofbrau.

Uh, just one Americano, please.

What's your name?

Um, Sophia.

Keep the change.

Thank you.

Sophia?

Thank you.

Oh, hi.

Do I look familiar to you?

You gave me a lap dance last weekend.

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, you came in with your husband, right?

Yeah.

That's cool, I like that.

Yeah, you guys live downtown?

No, I like in Silver Lake.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Um, I follow this truck on Twitter, which is how I

happened to find this truck today.

Because they tweet.

Yeah they do.

Just my nom de coffee, if you will.

Oh.

I'm Rachel.

I'm McKenna.

It's nice to meet you.

- When I got out of
college, I, uh--

I majored in journalism, but I kinda couldn't get my shit

together, so I ended up working at this PR firm

writing press releases about Calista Flockhart's buttery

choc highlights.

Guys, who wants to try the new bar method place with me?

Oh, is that open?

Yeah, me I do.

I got a Groupon.

Let's use it.

Uh, I can.

What are you doing?

Uh, oil change.

So you know when you text somebody an emoticon?

- So, this is just like that,
except you're-- you're texting

a tiny picture of your face.

It's called an e-me-ticon.

-E-me-ticon.

Yeah, I just bought that.

Oh, that was Jeff.

He's been trying to get something to hit.

And now he's never not working, and I'm, you know,

just online.

I had this one picture of him growing up.

He was in this weird maroon sweatshirt and

had these crazy sideburns.

My mom told me that he had a genius IQ, so that's why she

picked him, because it was good genes.

But then one night, she got really drunk and she told me

that was actually just a random photo and she had no

idea who got her pregnant.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

You know, it's--

He's like a mystery to me.

I get to imagine what he's like.

I think he's like Axl Rose.

Oh my god.

You just snorted.

Yeah, it's not cute in any way.

It's so cute.

No, way too old for the snort.

No, it's cute.

You know what?

I will have a cigarette.

OK.

Why not?

My lighter.

Went out.

Come here.

Ready?

Yeah.

Oh, put your hand up.

Yeah.

I remember why people do this.

Sophia?

Yeah.

Hey!

Wait!

McKenna!

Are you OK?

Sorry.

Help me?

Yes.

Just fucking wait.

This guy won't listen to me.

Do you have a key?

My entire life is in this car.

That's my car, man!

Hey, hey!

What the fuck, McKenna?

What happened?

Look, Walter.

Hey.

There's apparently 35 fucking tickets on this thing!

Wait.

I could've been arrested, man.

No, there was 10 tickets, tops.

Asshole!

No, hey!

No!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, my man!

Yo, yo don't!

No, don't.

Fuck!

God!

You dumb bitch!

Did you get your stuff?

Yeah.

Sir.

Sir, excuse me.

With all due respect, if the car had tickets on it, and

it's your car, then I feel you're the responsible one.

Who the fuck are you?

Hey.

That's my aunt Sophia.

So be cool, man.

What the fuck are you gonna do with all your shit?

OK, OK.

Just walk away.

We get it.

We get it.

Don't fucking move.

So.

So you just put your
stuff, um--

This is where you're going to be staying.

First floor there's
a bed where we--

Used to be the maid's room, but we don't

have--

Yeah, welcome, welcome.

Make yourself at home.

Oh, wow.

Hey.

Who is this guy?

Hey, buddy.

That's Bonnet.

Hi cutie fruity patootie.

That is the best name ever for a pup.

-Let me show you--

Let me show you your digs.

Oh man.

Let's get some fresh air in this room!

Oh.

Sorry.

Yeah, this used to be our live in's room.

I know it's stupid to think that we'd need a housekeeper.

I don't even have a job.

But, you know, she was a godsend.

Because when I got pregnant with Logan, you know, I

thought, I'm not gonna have a baby nurse.

I'm not gonna need any of that.

You know, I'm gonna-
I'm a mother.

My body is built for this.

And then came home, milk didn't come in.

Tried and tried to nurse, couldn't latch on.

Apparently my nipples are too small.

So, he wouldn't stop crying for anybody except for Luce.

And she's just so calm
that she just--

Ugh.

When Logan got into school, we
had to let her go, you know?

And then we maybe thought for a minute we were gonna have

another kid, and then we-- or it
was gonna be an office for

me, or--

-I like this color.

This room would look really good in this color.

Do you ice skate?

Oh, these?

Well, you know.

For a hot New York minute.

Got my--

My skate on.

My mom always told me that I should surround myself with

good people if I want good things to happen.

I'm 55 days sober, so good people are really important.

Oh my god.

McKenna, that's amazing.

Congratulations.

Wow.

My mom's a witch.

The Wiccan kind of witch, you know?

Sometimes I think I might be one too.

Is that my bathroom?

D-d--

Do you need clean towels?

We have company.

Go, go, go, go, go.

I'm listening.

We have company.

Who's here?

Have you ever heard of the Espresso Yourself truck?

The coffee they make, Jeff, is like you cannot believe.

You know when people just make one thing right?

It's great.

It's obsession worthy.

OK.

-So, I started--

I started to follow the truck on Twitter.

I thought you hated Twitter.

I don't hate Twitter, Jeff.

I'm not--

I lurk on Twitter.

You're a lurker.

Just not a Tweeter.

So, a few weeks ago, the truck
was parked right across the

street from Sam's.

Wait, let me get you--

Let me get you some--

-Sam who?

Uh, Hofbrau.

Sam's Hofbrau.

That was the strip bar, or like, you know, topless place

or whatever that we went to.

Oh, you need cutlery.

Anyway--

who would've thunk it--
ran into McKenna.

I don't know who McKenna is.

-Oh, she, um--

She's the dancer that--

She's the dancer that gave me that private thingy when we

were there.

You mean the stripper?

OK, sure.

The stripper, is in the maid's room.

The stripper's in the maid's room.

Yeah.

How did the stripper get in the maid's room?

I put her there.

So, I kept going back to the Espresso Yourself truck, and

every time I would go there, I kept running into McKenna.

So we just started talking.

Anyway, she was, like, between apartments, her car was

getting towed.

She had nowhere to stay tonight, and you know all the

work that I do for the homeless at the J, and, you

know, I thought, here's--

OK, Here's actual homelessness right in front of me.

So you invited her to stay here in our

house with our child?

-Just for like a-- two nights.

Like, one night maybe.

You won't even notice she's here, Jeff.

I don't wanna

meet her right now.

I think we should just--

-Shut up.

Just a few days.

OK, we gotta keep quiet.

I love you.

Morning.

Uh, hey.

Hey.

I remember you.

You guys were, like, the cutest couple ever.

Oh, thank you.

We work at it.

Actually, we don't.

Do you want some coffee?

Um, do you have tea?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, look at this, a tea box.

- We're sort of-- sort of
hooked up that way.

Yeah.

I'll take a chai spice.

Yeah, why not?

I have to say, that was, like, the best sleep I've had in

five years.

Not joking.

Hollywood is so noisy.

Yeah, sometimes I find the birds in this neighborhood can

be rather cacophonous.

You know, loud and chirpy.

Rachel told me that you invent apps.

She wasn't lying.

I love apps.

Yeah.

Yeah?

You like your job?

Um, I used to.

I recently sold the, or got bought, merged.

There are any number of ways to
describe what actually went

down with Happy Farm.

Logan, hey.

Buddy, this is McKenna.

She's, um, uh, a friend of your mom's.

I've heard a lot about you.

Yeah?

I love your monkey backpack.

I asked for an elephant.

Well, talk to your mom.

I did.

We're gonna get you hooked up
with breakfast real quick, Mr.

Man, because we are running a little late.

OK.

Hey.

Hi.

Uh, good morning.

Logan, you met my friend McKenna?

Yeah.

McKenna, Jeff.

You got it.

Great.

How did you--

How did you sleep?

Really, really good.

Oh good.

Oh good, you--

Good.

Quiet in here.

Yeah.

So, um, uh, you can take Logan to school today?

Jeff, I just want to make
sure that McKenna is--

-Got it, I am on it.

--taken care of.

Thank you.

OK, great.

You need milk.

OK.

OK, she looks like a completely different person,

I know.

She looks like a college kid or something.

Right?

Dancing is just her job.

A job does not define who you are.

Right.

I really think I can help her.

She had a really difficult life.

Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy.

OK, all right.

I'm shaking it out.

There's a stripper in my pool.

No big.

OK.

Oh, that's a nice looking one.

Yeah, is that OK?

What do strippers like?

Not that, because she's sober.

Oh.

Good for her.

Imagine that you're cleaning out a rim.

OK?

Cleaning out a rim.

It's a big rim.

It's more like a trash can size.

OK.

Oh, like a garbage can rim.

Her shame is trapped there.

We gotta get that exercised.

Be gentle with it.

Shame.

Stephanie!

I really got this.

Stephanie!

You're waking up in the morning.

Should we give her a pole?

-You want--

-Oh shit.

Yeah.

Body.

No, you guys.

Those are the guys that come in and they're like, lap

dance, lap dance, lap dance, every night.

And they always have their favorite girls.

And they're the ones that tell
you things like, oh baby, I'm

gonna be the one that gets to see you for real.

I'm gonna help get you down off of this

pole, blah, blah, blah.

We call them Captain Save-a-Ho.

- Captain Save-a-Ho,
that's hilarious.

Yeah, I made $6,000 of one once.

Wait, 6,000 just for dancing?

Well, some girls dance just to dance, right?

But I like to use the club for
networking, meeting people,

building relationships.

I'm not the kind of girl who's gonna tell you that she'll

strip but she won't get naked,
or she'll give you a lap dance

but she won't touch you, or she'll touch you, but she

won't give you oral.

I'm pretty much down for anything.

Full service sex worker.

-Um, what--

What is a sex worker?

This one guy Warren, I mean, he pays via Paypal.

It's awesome.

There's no cash exchange.

It's very clean.

And then there's this Jack, and he's been my regular on

Tuesdays for like a million years.

I love him like a brother.

He's your kind of run of the mill, typical

vanilla kinky guy.

He's into some weird shit.

He sometimes likes a girl to watch.

You should come, Rachel.

Yes, you should.

You really should.

I'll take Logan to soccer so you can go.

Thank you, that would be a huge help.

Sorry.

I'm gonna ruing a perfectly good blow out.

Hey Captain Save-a-Ho.

She's a hooker.

Sh, it's OK.

No, it's not OK.

Yeah it is.

Is that a nursing bra?

Oh, yeah.

Logan's five.

Throw it the fuck out.

You didn't know about that part, right?

The friends I see sometimes?

You were right about that.

You still want me to stay at the house?

If you want out of that life, I can help you.

I mean, I've saved first and last month's rent.

I could give that to you.

And I could help take care of Logan.

Exactly, but no money.

I'd feel weird taking something from you.

If you think that I can help you, I

promise, you're not taking.

It's inappropriate.

- Aren't you supposed to
be non-judgmental?

I'm supposed to be clear mirror, baccarat crystal.

Excuse me, I have to eat something.

I was recently diagnosed with

perimenopausal low blood sugar.

I brought quinoa from home.

She just seems way too young
and, I don't know, healthy to

be spending her time having sex for money.

Isn't that her choice?

May I share something?

When Portia was in
graduate school--

-No, Lenore, I don't wanna hear about Portia.

I think that's inappropriate.

I don't know why I wanna take care of McKenna.

I mean, what if I listen to you and I'm like, oh, Lenore

says it's inappropriate, so I guess it's inappropriate.

So I go home and I'm like, sorry, McKenna.

Turns out, this is inappropriate.

So, out she goes, back on the street, robbed of her one

opportunity she had to finally escape

from being a sex worker.

What's a sex worker?

That's what she calls it.

She's a prostitute.

That is such an awful word.

It's a highly accurate word, Rachel.

I think I need a break from therapy.

Well, I think that's ill advised.

Just last week, you were complaining about how you and

Jeff are no longer making love.

I mean, if you wanna choose words, let's

just call it not fucking.

I think you should start coming in twice a week.

Mwah.

Bye.

Oh, hey.

Uh, this is, uh--

This is, um, Amanda and Meredith.

Nice to meet you.

Bye.

Stephanie.

Oh, McKenna.

Oh my gosh.

You're still here.

Yeah, uh, um, I'm teaching her about drop offs in case

she has to do a drop off.

Well, I'll see you guys soon.

OK, bye.

If it's a Monday, you wanna bring his math stuff with

you--

- And if it's a Friday,
you wanna--

Did you ever get my sign up paper for Craftacular?

Oh.

Because I didn't see your name.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

Hi.

Who's this?

Oh, uh, this is Logan's new nanny.

This is McKenna.

McKenna, this is Jennie.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Wow, you been thinking about going back to work Rach?

Yeah, thinking about thinking about it.

Great.

Where you from?

I'm from Chico in Northern California.

Yeah, I found her through an agency.

Well, careful, because I am known to steal nannies.

I am a nanny stealer.

Hey.

Do you wanna--

Do you wanna captain a table at Craftacular, McKenna?

It's, like, a lot of kids doing crafts, raising money

for Jewish women with cancer.

Jennie, I am so sorry, but I gotta show McKenna where the

dry cleaners is.

It was nice to meet you.

I'll register.

I promise.

Just like another week, until she gets on her feet.

What exactly do you intend to do for her?

Help her tell her story.

Maybe I can help her set up a blog.

She and I could co-blog.

-You wanna--

You wanna blog with her?

A lot of good things have come from blogging.

Name one good thing that's come from blogging.

OK, that crunchy kale salad that I made.

That was from someone's blog.

Blogging's amazing.

So, and we are recording.

OK.

So, we are not sure what this is
going to be yet, if this is

gonna be a blog, a co-blog,
article, podcast.

We're going to just--

Who knows?

Keep it loose.

Right now we're just
gonna have a--

just a-- just going to call--
call it a conversation.

Yeah.

OK.

You are a sex worker.

Yes.

I'm a sex worker.

And you have been, uh, working in sex for how long?

Two years.

I started when I was 20.

You told me you were 19.

I tell all my customers that.

It's like, a barely legal thing.

It turns them on.

What does it mean to see other people as customers?

Doctors have customers, psychiatrists have customers,

people that work in stores have customers.

A lot of people in this world have customers.

What if those customers had wives?

So?

- You didn't feel a sense
of responsibility or--

-No.

Sisterliness?

No.

Compassion?

Yeah, I feel compassion for a world where men have a way

higher sex drive, and it's a proven fact, and their wives

lose interest in having sex with term.

Yeah, I feel compassion for that.

Oh my god.

Thank you for coming home.

Thank you for calling me home.

This is not at all what I had scheduled for my afternoon.

Hey.

What?

Open your eyes.

What?

Do me a favor.

Open your eyes.

Hey.

Hi.

You wanna try having an eyes open orgasm?

Yeah?

Like this?

There you are.

Hey, hello, how are you?

Hey, long time.

You know what?

Close them.

I'm sorry.

Just keep them closed.

Do what you gotta do.

Sorry.

Oh, I'm good.

Yeah.

I can get back in there.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No?

Takes a second to get back on the bus.

Yep.

Been a while.

Glad we did it though, so.

Yeah, yeah.

Nice work.

Right.

Um, so, I can when I get back later tonight from work.

Yeah?

Um, actually, I'm gonna be much later than I thought.

No worries.

Because I had to reschedule this conference

call and I have to--

Hold on.

Someone's calling me right now.

Hello?

Yeah, hey.

This is Jeff.

If they're still on the call, I
need you to patch me through

right away.

--We're running late, honey.

My legs are stuck.

Logan.

Logan, you have to help me.

Flex your legs.

Let go.

Mhmm.

Hi.

Jeff said that you were sick.

Oh, I feel Shit City.

I'm all right, I think.

You know your body's not gonna heal

if you mind's tweaking.

-I'm not--

No, wait, I--

McKenna, I have to reach out.

I have to reach out to hot dog
vendors for this Craftacular

or Jennie is going to kill me.

Do you have any of

that menthol rub stuff?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

McKenna, I'm fine.

Ah, ah, ah.

You do have it.

McKenna, I don't need anything.

Do you have a sock?

Can I use these?

I mean, those are gross.

I don't know what you're even.

Smells fine.

You don't have to do anything.

OK.

-I don't even--

-Give me your foot.

Again, honey.

Please, I am total--

-Put it down.

I am fine.

Lay down.

Lady.

I am fine.

OK?

Just pause.

OK.

My grandma used to do this to me and my cousins

when we were sick.

Grandma.

Yeah.

Grandma Ninny.

Did you say Ninny?

Mhmm.

My mom's mom.

I lived with her a lot.

You have to keep your feet warm.

You do not have to do this.

Makes me happy.

I can feel in your feet where you're blocked.

In your right hip.

We'll just shake it out.

OK.

Just shake it out a little.

Oh yeah, it's really right in here.

OK.

Can I open this?

Um.

I'm not wearing a bra.

Just breathe.

Hey, cute dress.

Thanks.

You look so pretty.

Where you going?

Do you really wanna know?

Of course.

I'm going to play with Jack.

-Oh, is that the--

Is that the Paypal
one, or the--

No, he's the other one.

Oh, the nice one.

Mhmm.

Oh, good.

OK.

Are you sure you wanna go?

Yeah, my mom called.

Um, she's getting evicted, so I
need to make her some cash.

-But I mean, if you--

I you want me to pay you instead of the room.

I make $250 an hour.

OK, well I know you're not asking for my permission, so.

OK, bye.

Bye.

See ya.

Do you need a ride?

OK.

OK.

Are you sure you don't need a ride home?

He always calls me a cab.

Oh.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Hi Willy.

Are you kicking the table?

Mhmm.

Stop.

It's rude.

Thank you.

The road to dessert is paved with chicken, sir.

That's right.

I really want dessert.

And you're gonna get some.

Stop kicking the the table.

The road to dessert is also paved with beef.

Come on.

There she is.

McKenna, you hungry?

Plenty of food.

Uh, no thanks.

I'm gonna go straight to bed.

Good night!

OK, sleep tight.

Finally.

Oh my god, wow.

Look at you.

You look unbelievable.

Hey baby.

Look what you did.

I'm proud.

You did so good.

Wow.

I'm so proud of you.

Take it easy Horn Dog McCrosby.

Look, Rachel's got her boobies out.

What the what, Rachel?

Come over here.

Make a little Matty sandwich.

OK.

Hold on.

Everybody.

All right, we gotta go.

All right, where's your mansicle?

Uh, you mean Jeff?

He's over there.

Sup Jeff Boyardee?

This way.

This way.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

Don't freak out.

OK.

Get a bracelet on this one.

Oh, yep.

And, uh, I don't mean to be
unkind, you guys, but I sweat,

if I see anybody walking around without a bracelet, I'm

gonna shit myself.

-Yeah, I--

I'm really sorry about what happened last year.

No, don't even worry about it, because

Actually, that was completely your fault, but I'm

totally over it.

All right, I want you here with Amanda, and just figure

out between the two of you who's gonna do bracelets,

who's gonna take credit cards.

-Uh, I'm--

I'm doing hot dogs with Stephanie.

Oh, honey, all due respect, you kinda dropped the ball on

the hot dogs, so I gave it to Alisa.

Sorry, I--

I need to borrow my husband for one second.

I'm so sorry.

What?

You're leaving?

Yeah.

Because that's how it works.

The women tell the men where to set up the folding table,

and the men set up the folding
table so men are free to go.

That's gross.

Just hang with Steph, OK?

Talk shit about the moms.

You guys'll have fun.

I'm off of hot dogs.

You don't get to make fun of me and go surfing.

I'm with fucking kosher Amanda.

This is fucking kosher Amanda's face all the time.

You're right.

That is her face.

Yeah.

That's her resting face.

That is her face.

This is her baseline.

I wanna see how it feels.

Huh, this is how it feels to be kosher Amanda.

-Mm-mm.

All right, I'm going surfing.

I can't believe you're leaving me.

Bye.

It's not fair, Jeff.

-Seriously, I'm--

I'm doing it.

Whoa.

Last night, we're going crazy.

Go, go go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Can Logan go home with Owen?

Well, yeah.

I know, I'm sorry you guys.

Of course, I hope you feel better.

Awful cramps.

OK.

Paddle, paddle,

paddle, paddle, paddle.

Hop up, hop up!

Jefferey!

Super stud!

Yeah yeah!

McKenna?

Going to Jack's?

Yeah.

I'm coming with you.

Can I check those?

Why is that weird?

How come no one believes in us?

I believe in us.

If we don't believe in us, who's gonna believe in us?

Yeah, come on, Craig.

Is that the name of our band?

We Believe in Us?

How about just Dadz, with a Z on the end.

Surf Godz with a Z.
I don't care Want.

I just want a Z to be somewhere in the

title of the band name.

Oh, I need a new name.

Oh, yeah.

Right?

Mhmm.

Sophia?

Again?

Oh my god.

Cassidy?

No.

Ariel?

No.

Samantha?

Um, Shelly?

Maybe.

Shelly.

Coming.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

Hey.

How are you?

Good, how are you?

I'm really good.

And, uh, this is my friend.

Savannah.

Savannah.

Hi Savannah.

Hi.

Can I take your coat?

Oh, please.

Uh, thank you.

Wow.

You're beautiful.

May I get you a drink.

Uh, yes, thank you.

Scotch.

Yes.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Savannah, there's no pressure.

McKenna told me you wanted to,
um, share the experience, and

I, uh, I really admire that.

Oh, thank you.

I'd really love for you to just watch.

-Great, that's what I'll--

That's what I'll do.

Totally get me off.

Um.

And, if, at any time, you feel
uncomfortable, then you just

come on out here and, you know, sit down and chill.

So, this won't be happening in this space, then?

It's gonna be somewhere else?

Or is-- is it thi--

Is this where it happens?

She's cute.

You told me she's cute, but she's cute.

You're cute.

No.

It happens in the bedroom.

Ah, of course.

May I show you the bedroom?

Oh, you don't have to.

I mean--

whatever you guys normally--

You know.

Whatever.

You know.

You go--

Why don't you just come sit down?

She's sweet.

Give some of this to your friend.

Thank you.

I think it's time for bedroom.

Let's go.

Come on, let's go.

OK.

You ready, Savannah?

Yeah.

OK, let's go.

Get me hard.

I will.

I will.

You know that I will.

Sitting on this chaise lounge.

Beautiful.

Oh yeah.

Mm.

Oh, I'm sorry, one more question.

Sorry, I didn't mean to put a damper on anything.

You're not.

OK, good.

I just was, uh, wondering how long these

sessions usually last.

Uh, like about an hour, right Jack?

Yeah, about an hour.

Oh, well great.

Good.

Don't have to make a phone call.

So, I'm good.

Great.

Wonderful.

Go about your business.

I'll shut up now.

Oh yeah.

Can you see, Savannah?

Yes, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Yeah?

Oh my god, you're getting so hard.

-Fuck yeah, I am getting--

Baby!

Are you sure you can see, honey?

-Mm-hm.

Oh yeah, that's it.

I want you to see me.

I do.

I don't think you can.

Come to daddy.

I'm coming!

Hey.

Oh yeah.

Yeah?

Look at this, Savannah.

Take it in.

Savannah, can you take my hand?

Come here.

Oh, yeah.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

I think we should go.

Well, let me give you your cash.

No, I don't want it.

Babe?

Yeah?

Hey.

Guess what?

I got up.

What are you talking about?

I stood up.

I got up.

Your husband is a surfer.

OK.

What are you wearing?

What is this outfit?

What--

why do you have all this makeup on?

Um, after Craftacular, I went to Nordstrom's.

I let a very aggressive sales lady do my makeup.

Huh.

Where's Logan?

Jennie's playing with him.

OK.

You look like someone else.

Get in bed.

Make sure you give your brother a turn.

Mazels, buddy.

Tremendous spread.

Let's do it here.

Makes life much easier.

Hey.

Sorry, I just woke up.

Sorry, I passed out.

What are all these people doing here?

What are you talking about?

It's brunch.

I told you I was going to get bagels.

Do we have Half N' Half?

-I-- no, I don't know.

It's fine.

Everyone's having a good time.

Hi, ladies.

Hi.

What's going on?

You are a mess.

What's happening?

Did you just wake up?

Everyone's seeing things under here.

Anyone tell you we were coming here today?

I totally blanked on it.

Oh, no.

I've got to make my leave.

You sure Mason has growing foods?

I've got to go set up for Women and Wine.

OK.

Women and Wine is tonight?

The men are playing poker, and Logan can go to Meredith's

to be with the boys if he wants.

Oh, can McKenna come watch the girls, just like, sit with

them over at that, uh, Amanda's?

McKenna!

Do you-- do you-- do you
have plans tonight?

Like, do you want to come hang out with like, four really

cute girls, do a bunch of dress up?

It'd be so fun.

Sure.

I can do it.

I can, don't worry about it.

I will actually--
you know what?

I'll just call--

-No, no, it's fine.

I had no plans tonight.

Oh, I love you.

OK, good.

See you later.

Can we just do that?

No, it's a great idea.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, I'm out of here.

I don't want McKenna to sit the girls tonight.

What?

I don't want McKenna to sit the girls tonight.

Could you tell her it's not gonna work out, or you found

somebody else?

You want me to tell her?

Yes.

I don't want to.

-Well, wha--

I don't--

-Just be my friend and tell her.

Here you go.

Come in.

Jennie called, and Meredith found someone to watch the

girls, so you're off the hook for tonight.

Why?

Honestly Rachel and I were talking, and, I don't know.

She's just a little uncomfortable

with the whole thing.

Rachel is uncomfortable?

Yeah.

The girls are, um, really young, you know?

Two of them are in
preschool, so--

-Yeah.

Logan's in preschool.

I babysit him all the time.

Yeah, but just, you know, other peoples' kids.

Right.

Plus, you don't really know Amanda.

I've met Amanda.

Yeah.

She's just, like, super Jewish.

Like, two sets of plates Jewish.

OK.

OK?

Yeah.

Cool.

I get it.

Um, so I have the night off.

Right?

Yeah.

Great.

Well, thanks for understanding.

Totally.

All right.

See you soon.

Can you shut the door, please?

Look how big you are.

- So you're gonna go with--
what are you doing?

You're in the driver's seat.

Your son is driving the car, Meredith.

Good girl.

Get back here!

Hi.

Hi, pretty girl.

I got you guys some presents.

You're a princess tonight.

Some nail polish, and some bracelets, and some candy.

A bunch of fun stuff.

You're gonna be real princesses, huh?

I'm so sorry I can't be there.

Somebody changed my plans.

What do you say?

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're so welcome.

Have the best night ever.

Thanks, McKenna.

Bye.

Look at these bracelets!

Hey.

Oh, peanuts.

Uh, guys are coming around
8:00, so, whenever.

Can I have a chip?

Yeah.

I'll be gone.

OK.

Have fun.

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

What's up, my friend?

What's going on, my friend?

Yeah, it's good to see you.

That case looks so sinister.

Isn't it?

Well, there's guns in here.

I'm just--

-There's guns in here.

That's gonna be on you, potentially.

Why?

You know why.

-I didn't--

I didn't know that was you.

I cut him off. 'm sorry.

Are we ready to descend to the gambling house?

Are these fingerlings?

Rach, are you seeing this?

Oh, it's beautiful.

So, this is where we will Women and Wine.

It's very French, right?

Is that what we're going for here?

The only thing that's not French, no

kidding, is the piano.

It was my grandfather's--

-Somebody had a five.

Fuck you.

So now it's to him, because he's left of the dealer.

Man, fuck.

You're betting a million dollars.

It should be pronounced "yuca," as in Yucatan.

- Well, I guess it's in
most tequilas and--

It's 7:59.

7:59.

Can I ask a question?

Where'd the fuck that fucking ante come from?

Jennifer's into guys who are approximately 100 pounds

overweight.

They are full figured women.

Seriously, dude.

Rachel found her.

Rachel found her.

Yeah.

We should have a toast, ladies.

OK, let's toast it up.

We should have a toast!

To long marriages.

-And long--

-Long marriage!

And children.

Cheers.

Wait, wait, wait.

This is, we have to look each other in the eye.

What?

We did.

We have to go like this.

This is

We don't do it.

So make it real.

OK.

It's just something she
read in "Real Simple."

She's making everyone have these moments.

OK.

I'm sorry, but--

-I'm so glad.

Cheers.

Cheers.

- But, speaking of which,
if you want to go--

-Jennie.

Hi.

Jennie.

-Speaking of, you want to--

I'm looking at you.

No, you need to look at her.

You need to hold her hand.

I just looked at her!

Oh my god.

When you get home and you take off those things, there's

There's no elegant way to pull them off.

And your whole body just--

-Pot's getting too good, right?

Remember you used to be able to smoke a joint?

You smoke your joint now, you die.

Hi.

Hello.

Hey.

Hi.

Thought you were going out?

Oh, I changed my mind.

Look at this.

You guys need company?

Yeah.

Yeah, all right.

-There was a thing that--

-Stephanie, why are you not drinking?

I know that normally I am a borderline alcoholic, but, I

wasn't gonna tell you guys, I am preggers.

I'm p It was a total surprise.

Oh, my god.

-Yeah, so anyway--

-Oh, my god!

Amazing.

Oh, you guys are gonna have two kids?

That's good for me!

Oh my god!

You're trying to get mad about three.

Yeah.

Not me, said Logan.

OK.

Anyway.

That is awesome.

Wow.

Congratulations.

-That is, I mean--

-Congratulations.

Thank you guys, Thank you so much.

Thank you.

When are you due?

March.

Wow.

Thank you.

Has anybody here wondered what their aborted children

would be like?

Oh, my god.

What is happening right now?

Have we all not had-- who's
had an abortion here?

And We've all--

-Who hasn't?

Yeah.

We've all had the abortion.

I fucked so many people in my 20's, you guys.

It's like, all I did was fuck people.

Everybody fucked everybody.

Exactly.

That's why you have 20's.

That's why you have your 20's.

I fucked the shit out of my 20's.

The 20's are for fucking.

Thank you!

And they're for asking your parents for money.

I want to hear about everybody's abortions!

- Guys, it's not gonna be--
it's not gonna be

a super late night.

So we should wrap it up.

Who wants another drink?

-This is--

-I will, uh, I would love a little bit.

Thank you, darling.

I'm gonna go get us some whiskey.

I'll see you guys in a minute.

Don't you dare look at my cards.

We will not.

That would never happen.

We will not look at your cards.

Everything but her cards.

Did she just go get us drinks?

She's the best nanny in the world.

So I was a freshman at USC.

Oh, god.

I was in my first week, and I
was in my dorm room, getting

ready for my sorority rush, because that's what all the

cool kids were doing.

And this guy, oh my god, was it Mike or John?

No names.

John.

Mike?

Where is this going?

Not anywhere good.

I fucking don't know his name.

He just came walking on into my dorm room.

-Anyway, it happened, and--

didn't even knock on my dorm room door.

OK, I definitely don't like where this is going.

Yeah, but he came in, he told me I was pretty.

And made me feel really sorry for him.

And then he, and then he raped you.

Started kissing me.

Is that where this is going?

You guys, it's not-- this
is not a rape story!

It sounds a whole lot like a rape story.

- I literally just like-- that's
what s college is.

-This is--

-Nobody asks in college!

Could we just pretend like it's my baby shower?

I think that's appropriate.

It wasn't like a stranger, you guys.

We met in the cafeteria.

Oh, god.

What is going on with you tonight?

No, we managed to get through this fucking amazing thing

they used to serve.

Oh, my god.

It was like this foamy, light
green, whipped jello shit with

like--

-Oh, I remember that.

What was that?

What was that called?

Fantasia.

It's Ambrosia.

It was Ambrosia.

It was Ambrosia.

You're doing it.

I make that all the time.

You still make it?

Where do you get the recipe for something like that?

She got it from her bubba.

-She just--

-In my head.

What's your secret?

Um, there's really no secret.

You just put stuff in it.

It's jello, and then you just add whatever you have.

You know, fruit.

Nuts.

You put nuts in the jello?

You can put nuts in there.

Cherries.

Uh--

-Nuts?

Yeah.

Oh, stop it.

Would you stop it?

When you bite down on a piece of jello, you're

not expecting a nut.

That's what I'm saying.

So I got pregnant by this kid.

Oh, god, we're still on it.

And then I had to go back home to my

parents' house in Chicago.

Had to go to the local clinic.

Got an abortion!

Did your parents know?

Yeah.

My mom knew.

I had to literally stay home
the rest of my freshman year,

and I missed my Freshman year.

Didn't even go back to fucking USC, because I

couldn't face that kid.

Well No!

So I just stayed home on my parents' couch.

I watched soap operas for a year of my life.

My god.

Oh, my god, you guys.

Soap operas.

They're gone.

They're all gone.

She has returned!

She has returned with
beverages and--

look at those tits too.

Come on!

There we go!

All right, there we go!

There we go!

All right.

Oh, this is my shit right here, yo.

This is my jam right here!

This is my jam right here.

Coming around the mountain.

She'll be coming--

-Hey!

Have you guys ever had an eyes open orgasm?

Hello?

What?

That was a good segue way.

Have you guys ever had an eyes open orgasm?

Wow.

Do you stare in your husband's eyes, or do you close your

eyes, and do you think about somebody else?

Hm!

What is the question?

-Do you stare into--

First of all have, I'd have to be like this.

I'd have to be like--

-You're doing it right now!

Oh, she only does it from behind!

Yes!

That's how this happened!

From behind!

They'll be coming around--

-He took you up the caboose.

No, because then I would be having a butt baby.

Here's the situation.

I have a very attractive husband.

I know.

--we can all get on board for that.

Yes.

-But sometimes a little--

Um, picture the little what's his name.

Fassbender.

Whatever, I use him.

He's got a huge cock.

I use him.

Don't even get me started what's going on.

Up here is like, uh, is like college professor.

16th century woman in a corset, uh horse thing.

Oh, that, um, that, uh, Jody Foster

movie on the pool table.

Oh my god.

"The Accused."

-That was--

Was that a pool table or a juke box?

It was a pinball.

I've masturbated to that scene for two decades.

What?

I think I have to go.

Oh no.

Guys.

Amanda, we're making you feel

Because we're being weird.

Now it's weird.

No, no, no, no no, no.

Amanda, we will--

We'll talk about something normal.

Amanda, honey, I'm sorry.

It was up the butt stuff, I think, that

pushed it over the edge.

The butt baby?

The butt baby.

That's where it took a turn.

What are you thinking about, kosher Amanda?

Don't press her.

Don't press her.

Rachel.

Holier than thou.

Rachel.

Keep the Sabbath.

Limit your kids' screen time.

Rachel.

Do it through a hole in the sheet.

Rachel.

Rachel.

Invite us all over for your scrapbooking

Who wants to make a scrapbook?

Hey.

Logan is five.

He's not a baby anymore, and I
never made one photo album.

I never made one photo album, it's gone.

Honey.

Make a photo album.

I remember the photo albums that our moms would make with

the, like-- the, like,
tape in the--

In the corners.

I know.

I love those.

I know.

I know.

It's OK.

And now it's gone.

Now all of my pictures are on the cloud.

What is the cloud?

What the fuck is the cloud?

He's not gonna re--

He's not gonna know how to access his

pictures when I die.

When I die, who is gonna tell him who he was

when he was a baby?

Who's gonna tell him?

Who's gonna be there?

How is he gonna get into the cloud?

What the fuck is the cloud?

Does anybody here not trust the fucking cloud?

We're gonna get going.

Fucking Matt.

Are you kidding me?

Matthew Jacob, get the fuck up right now.

Jennie, hold on.

Hold on.

Oh my god.

Matt.

What did you do to her?

What'd he do to you?

Jennie that's her period.

I have my period.

That's her period.

What agency are you with, honey?

I'm going to call them.

I need that number right now.

I don't work for an agency.

What?

Who do you work for?

I work for myself.

I'm a whore.

What did she just say?

Hang on, hang on.

She knows.

She got a lap dance from me.

He bought me for her.

He came and paid me.

Like I was a present.

We've gone out of our way to try and help you.

McKenna, you needed a place to stay.

You will never see your children ever again.

Do you understand that?

Don't fucking say that to me?

Jennie.

Stop.

Stop for a second, OK?

Stop.

Can we please leave this room?

I'm so sorry, Jeff.

Fuck off, Jeff.

You, I am done with.

She did not do anything to you.

Oh, I bet you are.

All right, Rachel.

Do you have somewhere to go?

Yeah, I have like a million places to go.

OK.

Goodbye.

Yep.

If we're late for Shabbat, uh, you could just put your

guitar in your cubby, and then
we'll take it home at the end

of the day, OK?

OK.

If you're upset about somebody else playing it, then

I can just take it home and put it right away.

OK?

I don't want anyone else playing it.

Fine, then we'll just--

I'll bring it home.

Mom.

What are you doing?

You told me to go.

I told you to let me go.

Are you OK?

No I'm not fucking OK.

I told you to stop for a second so I could cross.

I misread your signal.

You're missing everything these days.

You miss everything.

-I just--

I thought you had
said I should--

-What was she doing in our house?

I worked so hard to buy us a
beautiful house, and you--

Did you want me to fuck her?

Just tell me honestly.

No.

-Is that your ide--

Was that your idea?

Dad!

Then what?

Did you want to fuck her?

Are you a lesbian?

Just tell me honestly.

I won't be mad.

I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I'm a--

Open the door!

What, you were curious?

Daddy!

-What, you--

You thought you would learn something from a damaged

fucking sex--

OK.

Tell me what you learned.

Tell me what you learned!

I was just trying to help her.

She didn't know what she was gonna do.

You were trying to help her?

You're the one that needs help.

Not her.

Well, so help me!

That's not my job!

It's not my job to fucking help you.

Take it easy.

Just take it easy.

Listen, Rachel.

Logan, mommy and daddy are having a talk.

Hold on.

Mom!

You need something.

You need to figure out what it is.

You said you didn't want another kid?

I was so bored that I thought I was dying.

Not everyone gets to be happy!

Well, then quit!

I never told you to sell Happy Farm.

I never told you to stay.

I'm not gonna quit!

Because I am now in a situation where people are

depending on me, and that means something to me.

What do you want?

What do you want?

Just tell me.

I want out.

OK.

Not out of this marriage, Jeff.

I want out of this head!

I want out of this life.

I get it.

It's fine.

Your wish is granted.

I am leaving.

Come here.

Come on.

Come here.

Come here.

Hey.

Hey.

So, I'm glad I saw you, I really wanted to reach out,

but I also just wanted to give you your space.

Also, tell you I'm so sorry.

You know what, Rachel, I haven't really been living in

Silver Lake that many years, but where I come from in the

Palisades woman have each other's backs.

I think that's why I thought that I could help her.

OK, Rach, but you had to know better.

Um, I meant to email you about your room at Big Bear, for

your family.

I'm giving it to Amanda's family because, you know, it's

gonna be awkward for the boy's
this time at the lake without

their dad, so just kind of have to be really strong for

them, and I can't really do that if you're there, so.

Amanda.

Hey.

Hi.

I know I got really drunk the
other night and I know I said

some pretty awful things.

I didn't mean to call you--

-Kosher Amanda.

I'm actually not kosher.

Oh, I think I just assumed.

Sam keeps kosher, but I love to cook.

I love to cook.

And there are so many things to cook that are not kosher.

But I do light the candles on Friday nights.

I don't know why that gives me
such a bad rap around here.

Anyway.

So, I'll see you.

I'm sorry.

You've reached Jeff.

Leave me a message.

I miss you so much.

Please come home.

Did that feel better?

To be a pariah?

I never felt like I fit in with those moms anyway.

I mean, they don't work.

You don't work either.

I used to want to be a war reporter.

I remember.

You do?

I said that, didn't I?

Yes, you said it.

Jeff acts like he doesn't remember.

Well, if you need evidence, I take copious notes.

Sure it's in here.

Jeff has been sleeping in Bo and Stephanie's garage.

Are you afraid he's going to leave you?

Yes.

May I share something?

Portia and I broke up.

And I know this is inappropriate.

You know how you can be living with someone and take

them for granted?

I did that with her.

The moment I met her, I said to her, I want to be looking

at your eyes when I die.

That is a lot for a first date.

That was the truth.

I didn't know what I had when I had it.

I don't wanna start all over.

I don't wanna start all over.

Uh, hey.

You've reached Jeff.

Jeff.

Je--

Hi.

Nice digs.

I'm sorry I threw a bomb in the middle of our life.

Our beautiful life.

Does Bo have any weed?

Oh my god.

Hey, Rach.

Um, in my head, I kinda put this
all on you, but I think I

was asleep, so I'm sorry.

What day is it?

Friday.

Oh, we should light candles.

What are you saying?

You have no idea what you're saying, do you?

You're supposed to cover your eyes.

That I know.

Both of us?

Mhmm.

OK.

Eyes are covered.

It's for you.

I put that together.

Do you wanna know how long that took?

No.

Long time.

All right, Mr. Giraffe.

Have a safe trip.

Don't be too scared.

Send us a post card!

I can't believe he didn't talk to her.

That's crazy.

There was nothing to say.

How'd she look?

She looked good.

Yeah?

She looked, well, the same.

She seems happy.

Well, that's good.

Good.

Still dancing, huh?

Still hoofing it.

Hey.

Hi.

What's going on?

What are you up to?

You wanna meet me at home?

Uh, yes.

I'll see you in like seven minutes.

See you soon.

We should put Bonnet out.

Nah, let's let him stay.

Bonnet, this is how humans do sex.

Faster.

Look in my eyes.

Look at me.

I'm here.