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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,190 --> 00:00:02,130 www.ydy.com proudly presents 2 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:04,660 sync:Mina www.ydy.com 3 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:06,960 Til Death Season 1 Episode 10 4 00:00:08,820 --> 00:00:09,680 What are you doing? 5 00:00:09,770 --> 00:00:12,640 I'm moving your "exercise equipment. 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,460 " I think we should get it out of our daughter's room. 7 00:00:15,510 --> 00:00:16,990 I use the treadmill. 8 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,280 For running? 9 00:00:19,330 --> 00:00:22,110 No.Speed walking. 10 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:23,310 With my dumbbells. 11 00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:26,520 Ok.Dumbbells? Get over yourself, ok? 12 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:29,440 I can clean my ears with these things. 13 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:30,990 Come on. 14 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,320 It's just that allison's coming home from college for the first time, 15 00:00:33,410 --> 00:00:35,700 and I want her to still feel like this is still home, so... 16 00:00:35,750 --> 00:00:37,390 it's still her room. 17 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,290 It just has a treadmill in it. 18 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,440 You can't keep it like a museum forever. 19 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,400 Why not? 20 00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:44,650 They do at the betsy ross house. 21 00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:48,230 Her old time glasses there on the bench, and the musket in the corner, 22 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,810 the half-sewn flag just sitting there like she just got up to go to the can. 23 00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:54,060 It's so dark in here. 24 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,570 Maybe I'll change the colors. 25 00:00:55,630 --> 00:00:57,020 It's how she likes it. 26 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,220 It's traumatic. 27 00:00:58,270 --> 00:01:02,610 - It's dark purple, like A... - contusion? 28 00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:06,430 Honey.You don't quite understand allison the way I do. 29 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,720 She's just like me. 30 00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:12,780 And bright colors and exercise equipment makes us want to start punching stuff. 31 00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:13,550 Yeah.I know. 32 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,090 You two always had something special. 33 00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:19,570 I go through 20 hours of labor, I cook, I clean. 34 00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:24,250 You show her how to do an arm fart and suddenly you're the magic man. 35 00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:26,690 Yeah, that was a turning point. 36 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:30,710 All right, she's going to be here any second, so come on, let's-- let's move it. 37 00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,100 Ok, you see, right there. 38 00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:36,340 That's why you're not the favorite. 39 00:01:36,390 --> 00:01:37,640 Fine. 40 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:38,510 All right, come on. 41 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:38,950 All right. 42 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,970 On 3. It's heavy, so put your caboose into it. 43 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:47,880 All right?1, 2, and 3. 44 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,810 What's happening? 45 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:55,440 Oh, my side has wheels. 46 00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:59,260 So, I'm lifting and I'm going backwards. 47 00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:00,890 What are you doing? 48 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:02,610 I'm spotting you. 49 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,020 All right, you know what? 50 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,170 I am truly moved by your chivalry. 51 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:09,230 Switch sides, jackass. 52 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:10,140 Jackass? 53 00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:12,740 Ok.Ready?And here we go. 54 00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:14,250 I will guide you. 55 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,450 Ok. 56 00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:17,260 All righty. 57 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,560 Ok, could you not push? 58 00:02:18,610 --> 00:02:19,380 Sorry. 59 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,000 Wait. 60 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,530 It's too big. 61 00:02:25,630 --> 00:02:30,920 Oh, now I am remembering that I took it apart to get it in here. 62 00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:32,450 Hello? 63 00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:33,660 She's here! 64 00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:35,100 Anybody home? 65 00:02:35,140 --> 00:02:37,940 Anybody want to see their daughter, or should I just head back to 66 00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:42,070 college and continue with my pretty heavy underage drinking? 67 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,410 See ya. 68 00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:46,370 Eddie! 69 00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:49,330 Squeeze through! 70 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:53,890 Ow! 71 00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:54,970 Oh, there she is! 72 00:02:55,070 --> 00:02:56,890 Hi, daddy. 73 00:02:56,930 --> 00:02:57,700 Where's mom? 74 00:02:57,750 --> 00:02:58,610 Ow! 75 00:02:58,660 --> 00:03:02,120 Just push your body through the machine! 76 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,040 I can't!My hair's caught! 77 00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:07,910 Wow!You have mom tied to a machine. 78 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,160 Should I go? 79 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:11,830 Are you kidding? 80 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,940 It'll give us more time to talk. 81 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,480 Ally! 82 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,300 - Oh, hey, mom. - Hi! 83 00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:21,070 Oh, does she look great, huh? 84 00:03:21,170 --> 00:03:24,260 Yeah.A little skinny. 85 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,040 So?How was skiing with the boyfriend? 86 00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:29,430 Skiing was cold, painful, and expensive. 87 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,010 Honestly, I have no idea how that sport got through. 88 00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:35,780 But ryan's amazing. 89 00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:36,830 Did you like his family? 90 00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,610 Yes.His mom was great. 91 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:39,490 His dad was great. 92 00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:40,640 His brother was great. 93 00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:43,460 And they're all really nice and funny and successful. 94 00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:44,320 Yeah. 95 00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:48,470 Actually, I found myself wishing something would go wrong for one of them. 96 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,100 Oh, I hope you don't mind, mom, but I brought home 97 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,170 about 4 months worth of my laundry. 98 00:03:53,230 --> 00:03:54,130 Oh, don't be silly. 99 00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,910 Your mom lives for that. 100 00:03:57,060 --> 00:03:59,870 You haven't washed anything since you left? 101 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,500 Wow!Tangy! 102 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:08,610 Oh.You know, if anything smells like pot, it's because of my roommate. 103 00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:12,630 And she's jamaican, so it's, you know, part of her culture. 104 00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:17,500 Happy holidays! 105 00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:22,490 Hey, we're just dropping by to tell you we're back from our trip. 106 00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:24,120 Thanks so much for taking in our mail. 107 00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:26,330 Yeah, no problem. 108 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,810 It's kind of wet. 109 00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:29,960 I'm going to level with you. 110 00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:33,780 It was sitting on your porch in the snow up until an hour ago. 111 00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:37,780 Guys, this is allison, our daughter. 112 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,030 She's back from college for winter break. 113 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,660 - Hey. - Oh, my god! 114 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,940 Hi! 115 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:46,980 Ok.Oh, my god.We're hugging. 116 00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:50,580 It's very nice to meet you.Hi. 117 00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:52,350 So, how was christmas in minneta? 118 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,360 Oh, it was really nice. 119 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:55,370 Jeff and my parents are both divorced and remarried, 120 00:04:55,430 --> 00:04:57,960 so we actually get 4 christmases. 121 00:04:58,050 --> 00:05:00,680 Quadruple the joy. 122 00:05:00,730 --> 00:05:03,830 I got caught under the mistletoe with my stepmom. 123 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,360 A little too much eggnog. 124 00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:10,000 She really went for it. 125 00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:11,820 It's good to be home, though! 126 00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:16,120 Hey, we're having a little new year's gathering and we wanted to invite you guys. 127 00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:17,560 Oh, new year's eve. 128 00:05:17,610 --> 00:05:18,750 Yeah, not a fan. 129 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,860 Way too much pressure to make it the best night ever, yeah. 130 00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:27,320 Y2k, that kind of got me excited, 'cause there was that chance of the world shutting down. 131 00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,190 All right, well, hey, we should go. 132 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:30,740 We should go. 133 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,470 But if you change your mind about the party, you know where to find us. 134 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,000 Happy holidays. 135 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:38,580 Feliz navidad. 136 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:41,250 Joyeux noel! 137 00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:43,590 God, they're exhausting. 138 00:05:43,690 --> 00:05:45,550 So, ally, you want to go upstairs-- 139 00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:47,050 Hang on a second. 140 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:49,290 I got a text message. 141 00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:51,020 It's from ryan. 142 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,380 Already, huh? 143 00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:54,770 He had a really great time with me. 144 00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:56,630 He's been doing some thinking. 145 00:05:56,730 --> 00:06:00,160 Some things happened this weekend and his aunt joan 146 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:04,270 overheard me making fun of her mustache. 147 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,420 Oh, my god! 148 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,680 I'm a really great girl, but-- oh, god. 149 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:13,500 He-- oh, my god.He dumped me! 150 00:06:13,550 --> 00:06:14,600 What? 151 00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:15,800 Oh, honey. 152 00:06:15,950 --> 00:06:19,160 I loved him so much! 153 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,400 Sweetheart! 154 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,170 Mom! 155 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:30,810 It's ok!Mommy's here. 156 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,030 Why are men such idiots? 157 00:06:33,130 --> 00:06:33,950 Oh, I don't know. 158 00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:37,480 But they sure are, aren't they? 159 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:38,320 You know what? 160 00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:41,330 Let's go splash some water on that face and we'll snuggle 161 00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:43,230 and we'll talk all about it, ok? 162 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,080 - Ok. - All right. 163 00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,060 You might want to get started on that laundry. 164 00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:47,210 Ok.All right. 165 00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:50,700 Now, this load gonna be a cold/cold, a cold/warm, a warm/warm, 166 00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:54,860 a hot-- Oh--oh, ok, daddy will figure it out! 167 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,630 Hey. 168 00:06:58,730 --> 00:07:00,070 Hi, there. 169 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,120 11 A.M.? 170 00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:05,810 Yeah, allison and I were up so late talking last night. 171 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:09,250 She's never poured her heart out to me like that before. 172 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:12,940 She was crying and she was shaking a little. 173 00:07:12,990 --> 00:07:14,760 So much pain. 174 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,580 It's kind of fantastic! 175 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,530 I can't believe how happy you are that she went to you and not me. 176 00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:23,250 Look at you gloat. 177 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,260 I'm not gloating. 178 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,110 I'm having my coffee. 179 00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:28,650 And I'm dancing a little. 180 00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,950 Yeah, well, meanwhile... 181 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,530 meanwhile, I did 10 loads of her laundry. 182 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:39,920 And I have to say, I found things in her pockets that a father just shouldn't see. 183 00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:43,540 On the plus side, at least she's having safe sex. 184 00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,750 I can't believe she didn't come to me. 185 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,860 She always comes to me. 186 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:51,910 Well, maybe that's because she's growing up, and now she needs 187 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,060 a woman to understand what she's going through. 188 00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:56,130 Besides, this is our child we're talking about. 189 00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:58,430 It is not a competition. 190 00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:03,090 Although, if it were a competition, this would clearly be a big win for me. 191 00:08:03,670 --> 00:08:06,150 Ok, this is not over. 192 00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:08,540 Good morning, sweetheart. 193 00:08:08,590 --> 00:08:09,260 Hey. 194 00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:12,710 So, I hear your mom talked your ear off pretty good last night, huh? 195 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,810 Yeah, I been there. 196 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,580 Hey, why don't we hop in the car? 197 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,780 We'll go get a couple cheesesteaks. 198 00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:19,210 - Dad, I really-- - oh, come on. 199 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:21,220 Allison, it's our tradition. 200 00:08:21,270 --> 00:08:23,040 Dad, I haven't even had breakfast yet. 201 00:08:23,090 --> 00:08:24,600 Oh, stop with the not having breakfast. 202 00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:26,170 Come on, I'll tell you what. 203 00:08:26,270 --> 00:08:27,990 We'll go get a doughnut on the way over. 204 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,430 And by the way, the drier's gonna ding in a half hour, 205 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,610 so you might want to get that. 206 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,620 Good morning. 207 00:08:37,660 --> 00:08:41,100 Hi.I'll take the pizza steak with the wiz and onions. 208 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,780 And crisp cut fries with the wiz on it. 209 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,930 And make sure I get some extra wiz on the side just to 210 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:49,980 make absolutely sure that my heart stops beating before noon. 211 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,280 Ha ha ha!Same for you, honey? 212 00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,770 Actually, I'll have a cheesesteak with peppers and onions, 213 00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:57,590 but hold the cheese and the steak, and also no bun. 214 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,500 I think you just ordered air. 215 00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:01,550 Well, I gotta stop eating so much crap. 216 00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:03,250 What do you mean? You love this stuff. 217 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:03,870 Hey, maurice. 218 00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:05,930 Get some wiz into this kid, pronto, will ya? 219 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,510 What's--what's the matter? 220 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,710 Are you still depressed about the guy? 221 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:11,910 Huh?Well, you know what? 222 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,160 That's ok. I want you to let it out. 223 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,660 Cry it out to daddy. 224 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:21,990 Cry it all out.Daddy!Ok... 225 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,520 There you go.Ok. 226 00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:25,810 Come on over here. 227 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,150 Oh!Hi! 228 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,730 Hey, you guys! 229 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,900 Hey, hi.What are you two doing here? 230 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:35,290 Oh, just picking up our 10 foot hoagie for the party tonight. 231 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:37,450 Ooh, it's freezing out! 232 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,710 Ha ha!I just can't help it. 233 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,010 You're so cute when you're cold. 234 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,270 Your nose is all red, your skin's all flaky, 235 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:49,340 and you have that little shiny snot stream coming down.It's adorable! 236 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,580 Listen, uh, if you guys change your minds about the party, 237 00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:54,450 the invitation is still open, all right? 238 00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,740 Ok.All right. 239 00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:02,270 So, you had a nice talk with mom last night? 240 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:02,800 Yeah. 241 00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:04,440 That's good. It's important to talk it out. 242 00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:06,790 Your mom is an amazing lady. 243 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,840 Very wise. 244 00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:11,760 Of course, when you left for school, she wasted no time bringing in a treadmill. 245 00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,570 That's just kinda gotta break your heart a little bit. 246 00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:14,670 Come on, over here. 247 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,110 Big treadmill cry. 248 00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:17,400 Dad, it's fine. 249 00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:19,660 I actually ran on it this morning. 250 00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:20,810 You did? 251 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,680 But we don't believe in physical fitness. 252 00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:26,070 It's a hoax, like those freakin' hybrid cars. 253 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,310 No, you don't believe in it. 254 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,660 We're not the same person. 255 00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:32,450 Well, we kinda are. 256 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,910 Well, I don't want to be. 257 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,160 I talked to ryan last night. 258 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,500 You know why he broke up with me? 259 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:37,410 Because of you! 260 00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:39,430 Me?He never even met me. 261 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:40,620 He didn't have to. 262 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,110 He said I was too dark and too negative and sarcastic. 263 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,590 And where did I get that from? 264 00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:46,890 From you. 265 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:48,510 I--I'm not negative. 266 00:10:48,610 --> 00:10:52,000 I'M...provocative. 267 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,880 I'm raw.I make people think. 268 00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:59,850 Ok.Most dads tell their little girls bedtime stories about princesses and fairies. 269 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,490 You told me about the cuban missile crisis. 270 00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:05,490 Yeah, but I did it in that delightful ricky ricardo voice. 271 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:08,890 Oh, lucy, they're coming around with the missiles... 272 00:11:08,950 --> 00:11:13,060 come on. I mean, that is-- that's charming. 273 00:11:13,110 --> 00:11:16,260 Would you rather I was one of those nice, sweet, happy people? 274 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:17,260 Come on. 275 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,990 Yes! 276 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:23,710 Growing up in our house, I didn't even know any different, but those people do exist. 277 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,220 Ryan was one of them. 278 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,040 But he was wrong for you. 279 00:11:27,130 --> 00:11:29,760 You hang out with people like that, you wind up being 280 00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:32,480 a grown man who celebrates his wife's mucus. 281 00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:34,920 Bye-bye! 282 00:11:37,070 --> 00:11:39,030 Well, I think that's nice. 283 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,620 They seem nice and normal and happy. 284 00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:45,250 You ow what? I'm going to go to their party tonight. 285 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,730 And I'm going to make a new year's resolution. 286 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:47,790 You know what it is? 287 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:48,650 What? 288 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:53,050 From now on I'm going to be more like them and less like you. 289 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:56,630 Look, I'm going to say this because I care. 290 00:11:57,340 --> 00:12:00,540 Is this your roommate's pot talking? 291 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,780 Happy new year. 292 00:12:05,970 --> 00:12:07,500 Guess it's just you and me tonight. 293 00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:09,080 Yup. 294 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,380 I'm sorry I drove our child away with my... 295 00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:14,750 personality? 296 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,660 Bingo. 297 00:12:18,230 --> 00:12:19,140 Whatcha doing? 298 00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:21,620 I'm just thinking about the girl that allison used to be. 299 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,020 I found one of her old school notebooks and the first thing 300 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:30,050 I turned to is this essay she wrote about the universe and how pointless it all is. 301 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,060 She was quite a 10-year-old. 302 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:33,780 Yes, she was. 303 00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:36,940 Oh.Look at this. 304 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:42,070 Remember how she used to rage against the machines? 305 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:47,310 Yeah.You do know that's a band, right? 306 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,890 I do now. 307 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:56,850 You know, I was just thinking, 308 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,330 we really don't have that much time left with her. 309 00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:00,600 What are you talking about? 310 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,370 Well, she's in college now, right? 311 00:13:02,420 --> 00:13:05,760 So, the only time I'm really going to see her is during the holidays, 312 00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:10,780 spring break, graduation, her wedding, the birth of her child. 313 00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:15,520 I'm counting 18 more days with her for the rest of our lives. 314 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,100 This is the dark stuff that she doesn't like, right? 315 00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:19,670 Ok. 316 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,830 How are we going to fix this? 317 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:26,100 Want to try to find her roommate's pot? 318 00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:34,570 Or... we could stop talking about the girl that allison was 319 00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:38,400 and start thinking about the girl allison wants to be. 320 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,340 Come on. 321 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,140 Let's go to the woodcocks' party. 322 00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,810 Let's try to act happy. 323 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,480 - Or... - eddie. 324 00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:49,810 All right.All right.Fine. 325 00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,660 We'll go throw confetti in the air like a bunch of morons 326 00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:55,570 because the earth made it around the sun on more time. 327 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,060 Eddie. 328 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:56,980 Last time.Last time. 329 00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:59,180 I'm just--I'm just getting it out of my system. 330 00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:02,230 This is going to be the best new year's ever. 331 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,150 Whoo!Ha ha! 332 00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:11,710 10!9!8!7! 333 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,540 Oh, my god. Were we being too loud? 334 00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:14,760 You didn't call the cops, did you? 335 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,890 Hell, no.We are here to party! 336 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,800 Happy new year! 337 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,270 Oh, ha ha ha.Wow!So, what's going on? 338 00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:27,040 My watch says 10:30. 339 00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:28,920 Oh, instead of waiting for midnight, 340 00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:31,500 we celebrate new year's in each approaching time zone. 341 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,510 Right now, it's new year's in newfoundland. 342 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:37,850 What are you guys doing here? 343 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:38,910 - Hey. - Hey. 344 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,810 There she is. 345 00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:40,580 You know what? 346 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,800 We think that you had a point that maybe we're just being a little too dark, 347 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,010 so all of that is over. 348 00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:45,730 Right?Yeah. 349 00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:46,500 Right, hon?Yeah. 350 00:14:46,550 --> 00:14:47,060 Absolutely. 351 00:14:47,110 --> 00:14:48,260 We're here to party. 352 00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:51,460 As kool once said to his gang, "celebrate good times. 353 00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:53,320 Come on! 354 00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:55,260 " Are you guys serious? 355 00:14:55,310 --> 00:15:00,180 Oh, I'm as serious as a ship off newfoundland in a big storm. 356 00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,700 Hey!Ah ha! Ha ha ha ha ha. 357 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:04,750 All right, people. 358 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,670 Time to break out the limbo stick. 359 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:14,870 Russ... 360 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:19,550 Eddie... 361 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,890 Take it in there. 362 00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:23,380 You come up to me. 363 00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:28,880 Joy... 364 00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:31,560 Aah! 365 00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:42,050 My new year's resolutions are I'm going to lose two pounds... 366 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:47,070 I'm going to master quicken, and I'm going to do 367 00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:50,700 what I can to help save all the wild horses. 368 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,660 Aww! 369 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,530 Eddie? 370 00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,920 Oh, uh, well, ok. 371 00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:05,160 Um...I, too, would like to lose two pounds. 372 00:16:05,260 --> 00:16:05,930 What else? 373 00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:11,560 Um...I'm going to start to look at rainbows. 374 00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:20,100 But I mean really look at them for the first time in my life, 375 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:24,250 and not just the ones up in the sky, even the ones on oil slicks 376 00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:29,840 or stickers or roast beef when it's gone bad. 377 00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:30,850 Ahem. 378 00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:36,620 Something strange in the neighborhood who ya gonna call? 379 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,630 Ghostbusters! 380 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,930 I ain't afraid of no ghost whoo! 381 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,220 Whoo! 382 00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:49,880 Thank you! 383 00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:51,780 You ok, dad? 384 00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:53,690 That was a pretty intense set. 385 00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:54,890 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 386 00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:55,710 I'm fine. 387 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:57,430 I'm just getting started. 388 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,630 Ok, everybody, everybody. 389 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,170 Steph!Steph, come here. 390 00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:05,320 It's a few minutes to midnight, and one of our minnesota traditions is, 391 00:17:05,370 --> 00:17:08,430 I dress up as an old man symbolizing the old year, 392 00:17:08,470 --> 00:17:11,670 and somebody else dresses up as baby new year! 393 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:15,450 So who wants to put on a diaper? 394 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,770 Come on, we need somebody with really nice legs. 395 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,540 Hey, people, it's fun! 396 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,830 Diaper me. 397 00:17:29,870 --> 00:17:32,780 Stop hopping and just step into it. 398 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,320 Well, I can't find the hole. 399 00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:37,810 Hold the diaper stea-- hold the diaper steady! 400 00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:41,730 Oh, god, I just flashed on us 30 years from now. 401 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:45,640 Ok, all righT. 402 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,650 Here, hold this. 403 00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:48,130 Ok. 404 00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:48,910 Hold this, right? 405 00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:51,350 Ok?Yeah. 406 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:56,600 That's not diaper you're tugging, that's me! 407 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,460 All right, well, stop fighting me! 408 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,660 I am trying to fit a lot of stuff into a small space here. 409 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:05,430 I hear ya. 410 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:06,820 Hold this. 411 00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:08,570 No!Look, look, you're rubbing me raw. 412 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,010 Can you see if they have any vaseline? 413 00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:13,100 Ok, you know what?Stop. 414 00:18:13,150 --> 00:18:19,140 I care for you very deeply, and I support everything you are trying to do right now. 415 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:26,720 But this is going to be very hard for me to unsee. 416 00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:34,540 And I would like to make love to you at some point in the future, so I'm going to go. 417 00:18:34,790 --> 00:18:35,980 Look, you gotta... 418 00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:37,940 she said... 419 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,370 What?! 420 00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:41,950 Oh, hi, honey. 421 00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:42,480 Dad? 422 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,780 Yes, yes. 423 00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:53,980 Hey, this is fun. 424 00:18:54,030 --> 00:18:54,940 The new me. 425 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,480 I'm a big baby! 426 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:03,310 Yeah, um...you don't have to do this for me. 427 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,740 What? 428 00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:07,940 Look, I know you're trying to act all happy and excited because 429 00:19:07,990 --> 00:19:12,960 I said that's what I wanted, but now that I see it, 430 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:18,110 you in a diaper is worse than any dark side I could ever imagine. 431 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:25,880 This just isn't you, and after a few hours here, this isn't really me either. 432 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,800 Dad, can you put your shirt on? 433 00:19:29,850 --> 00:19:31,950 Of course. 434 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,190 Sorry. 435 00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:38,860 Ok.Excuse me. 436 00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:49,450 I'm sorry about what I said. 437 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:53,550 I got dumped and I was upset and I just lashed out at you. 438 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:54,890 It's ok. 439 00:19:54,940 --> 00:20:02,950 You're a big, angry, dark, wonderful dad, and I'm proud that I'm like you. 440 00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:07,340 Come on, eddie, 30 seconds to midnight. 441 00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:11,230 My dad's not going to dress up like a baby, jeff. 442 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,570 Ye, I was chafing pretty bad. 443 00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:14,700 What?! 444 00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,730 You're going to bail on us? 445 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:18,170 I can't believe this! 446 00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:23,420 Ok, everybody, our big baby just punched us right in the shorts! 447 00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:26,810 Wow, it's pretty great when that guy gets angry. 448 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,030 Oh, it's the best. 449 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,420 You know, sometimes during car pool, he'll try to 450 00:20:30,470 --> 00:20:33,190 get in the car and I just keep inching forward like that. 451 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,330 He goes ballistic. 452 00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:36,770 It's heaven. 453 00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:38,920 Happy new year! 454 00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:41,260 Happy new year, dad. 455 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,610 Happy new year, honey. 456 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:45,720 Come here. 457 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,120 Thank you. 458 00:20:49,210 --> 00:20:50,650 Ok, here we go. 459 00:20:50,740 --> 00:20:53,040 - "Dear ryan--" - no, no, no. 460 00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:56,050 "Dear assface. 461 00:20:56,430 --> 00:20:58,600 " Oh, sorry.Too dark still? 462 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:02,130 No, I just think that "assface" is going to be too strong out of the gate. 463 00:21:02,190 --> 00:21:04,250 You know, I want him to read the whole thing. 464 00:21:04,290 --> 00:21:05,930 Smart.Well-played. 465 00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:08,220 We'll end with "assface. 466 00:21:08,270 --> 00:21:09,730 " No, I disagree. 467 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:11,170 I mean, what are you going to say? 468 00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:16,040 "I'm so hurt, I'm so sad, you hurt my feelings, blah blah blah. 469 00:21:16,090 --> 00:21:18,520 " I say cut to the chase. 470 00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:21,390 "Dear assface, suck it. 471 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,780 See you in hell. 472 00:21:24,210 --> 00:21:25,970 " Listen to your mother. 473 00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:27,450 I love you guys. 474 00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:28,330 Yeah. 33649

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