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1
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you want some ice cream?
2
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Hmm? No, thanks.
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I thought you said you didn't want any.
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This is all I'm having.
5
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I'm fine.
6
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You wanna maybe crush some oreos on that?
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Do you want me to crush some oreos on it?
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Me?No, I was j-- no.
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I was just thinking that it would make it more delicious for you.
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I'm getting you your own bowl.
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No, I don't want my own bowl.
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I'm on a diet.
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Ok, but you do realize that when you're eating ice cream,
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even though it's out of my bowl,
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that you're still putting calories in your mouth which
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are going to come to rest on your rear end.
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Wow. Nice.You should really be a life coach.
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I'm just trying to put an end to this one-bowl-of-ice-cream dance
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that we've been doing for 20 years.
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Yeah, all right, eddie.It's a dance.Ok?
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I don't get my own bowl of ice cream.
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I take some of yours.
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I don't lose the weight, but I get to feel good about myself anyway.
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Is that so wrong?
25
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You know what?You're right.I'm sorry.
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Tell you what.I've got a good idea.
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Why don't I go get myself another bowl of ice cream?
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Then I'll hand it to you, and then I'll finish my first bowl,
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and then it will look like I've had two and you've had none.
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Thank you.
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www.ydy.com
proudly presents
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sync:Mina
www.ydy.com
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Til Death Season 1 Episode 9
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What do you got going on there?A fruit bowl?
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Yeah.
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Well, I'll look forward to throwing that out in 4 days.
37
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Why'd you unplug the toaster?
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Well, look, it says here,
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"thanks for helping the environment by using paper bags.
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"Other tips: Save electricity by unplugging unused appliances.
41
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" Uh-huh.
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What are you doing?
43
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Hey, if you think I'm plugging this thing in every time
44
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I want a piece of toast, you're out of your mind.
45
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It takes, like, 2 seconds!
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Yeah, and that's 2 seconds more than I have, lady, ok?
47
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Go with me on this one.
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I'm just trying to save a little electricity.
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Joy, the toaster is off.
50
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Nothing's happening.
51
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You're not gonna save electricity by unplugging it.
52
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Yeah?The bag says it does.
53
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Oh!The grocery bag says it.
54
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Well, then it must be true.
55
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Because the bag people broke watergate, and now it's this, so...
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just think about it, ok?
57
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If--if the toaster is plugged in, it could be doing something.
58
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It could be sucking juice from the outlet.
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Juice?Wow.Juice.Ok.
60
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Let me show you something, darlin'.Come here.
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Let me show you something about electricity and how it works.
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Electricity, it's like a river.
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Ok?
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It goes down here over to the toaster.
65
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This is where you have the electrical current.
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And these are amps.
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Mm-hmm.Why don't I just talk directly to your ass,
68
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because that's where you're pulling this information from.
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Yeah.I wouldn't go down there right now.
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Ahem.All I'm trying to do is to get you to stop saying "juice"
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so you don't embarrass the hell out of yourself.
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I am not going to be embarrassed because I am right.
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Oh.You mean like you were right when you thought that
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there was a real animal called a rascal?
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I knew you were going to bring up the rascal.
76
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What did you think it was again?
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A cross between a badger and a raccoon?
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I don't know.
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I had a very bad scout leader.
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And when did you become environment girl, huh?
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You think you're gonna save the planet by unplugging stuff?
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I'm gonna tell you the same thing I tell my students:
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One person cannot make a difference.
84
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You know what?You know what?
85
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I want you to entertain the notion for one second that you might be wrong about this.
86
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Ok.One-one thousand-- no.
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Hey!Listen, this is absurd!
88
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Unplugging our toaster is gonna save electricity.
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I have got information to back me up.
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You've got a brown bag with a dancing cow on it.
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And until you have something better, I am unplugging this thing.
92
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And I'm plugging it back in.
93
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Hey!
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You touch this, and you die.
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I'm touching it!
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Hey, eddie.
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Hey, woodcock.
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Have you seen that little weird science teacher around?
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You mean tom franklin?
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Tom franklin?Oh, this is awkward.
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I think I just ate his lunch.
102
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Uh...I haven't seen him.
103
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What do you need him for?
104
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Well, joy and i got into this argument,
105
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and I need him to confirm a science-related question for me.
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I was hoping I could talk to him now so I could call joy at work,
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tell her how right I was, and maybe ruin her lunch.
108
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Ok, well, this might be a silly question,
109
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but why do you care so much about being right?
110
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Why do I care about being right?
111
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Because it's fantastic.
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I've never felt more alive in my life than
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when I'm showing the woman I love how wrong she is.
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You tell me I'm right, I can-- I can throw a van over a building.
115
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You know, eddie, one day, me and steph, we're gonna have kids.
116
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And I'm gonna ask you stay away from them.
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Well, that's too bad 'cause I'm like a 6'8" mary poppins.
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Oh, this is, uh, probably against my better judgment,
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but uh, throwing a surprise birthday party for steph on saturday night,
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and I wanted to invite you.
121
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Aw, a surprise party?
122
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What?
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Well, it's just, you know, surprise parties are inherently hostile.
124
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You know?
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You gotta pretend you forgot their birthday,
126
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and that just makes the victim upset,
127
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and-- and the conversation at the surprise parties are brutal.
128
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Hey, hey, hey!Well, my gosh, were you surprised?
129
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Yeah, I was surprised.
130
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I hate half the people here.
131
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I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.
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You gonna come?
133
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Yeah, why not?
134
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We got nothing else goin' on.
135
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Hey!There's the guy!
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Tom franklin.
137
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Tom franklin!
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How are you?Eddie stark.
139
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We, for some reason, don't make eye-contact at the faculty events.
140
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But how ya doing?
141
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Ah, yeah.It's--it's g-- it--it's good.
142
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Great.
143
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Yeah, I'm still living over in manayunk.
144
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Oh, you're still there?
145
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Yeah.Nice.Good for you.
146
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Yeah, I got my bachelor pad over there--ah!
147
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I still haven't found the one yet, but I'm out there dating.
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I'm not shutting myself off to any possibilities.
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Yeah, that sounds smart.
150
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Hey, what-- you know, it's a nice life.
151
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I bike to work.
152
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And I don'have a ton of friends, but the two I have-- really close.
153
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Yeah.Yeah.Good for you.
154
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You know, um, I have an easy science question for you, todd--
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- Tom.
Tom.
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Um, in your opinion, if a toaster is plugged in but it's not turned on,
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is it using electricity?
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Well, no.If a toaster's off, it's not using any electricity.
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Even if it's plugged in?
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Yes.
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I knew it!Thank yoU.
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Sure.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey!Turns out I am wide open after work.
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You wanna be my wing man over at fuddruckers tonight?
165
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Y-you know, I can't, 'cause I gotta go t-- you know what would be fun?
166
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Why don't you come over to my house for dinner tonight?
167
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Oh, that would be delightful.
168
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Mmm.This is great, joy.Thank you.
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Mm-hmm.
170
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And thank you, tom, for bringing over the, uh-- homemade ketchup.
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So...eddie just invited you over, huh?
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I did.Hey, tom, hit me with a little more of that red thunder.
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So eddie tells me that you might have some single women to set me up with.
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I don't know how much he's told you about me.
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Not a lot.No, not a lot.
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Well, I'm a bit of a weatherist.
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Anytime you come to my apartment, the weather channel will be on.
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Yeah, you know, tom is a science teacher.
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Did I not mention that?
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And he knows a lot about electricity.
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Oh, my god!
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Funny thing, the other day we were chatting,
183
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and we just started talking about toasters--
184
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I don't remember how it came up-- and then the conversation
185
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turned to whether or not a toaster, when not on, uses electricity.
186
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And what did you say, tom?
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I said, no.
188
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No electricity was being used.
189
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Kiss your mama at the bus stop 'cause i'm taking you to school!
190
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Uh, could I se you in the kitchen for just a second, please?
191
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Absolutely.
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Excuse us, will you?
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Fabulous.
194
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Get-- this is why you bring ketchup man into our house?
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I cannot believe you.
196
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Well, you know what?
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It doesn't matter anymore.
198
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Because the argument is over, and I'm right.
199
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Yes.Ahh.Mmm.Wow.
200
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That feels good.
201
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Hey!You guys up for a gelato run?
202
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Not only am I up for it, but I'm buying, superstar!
203
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Is this the toaster you were telling me about?
204
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That's her.
205
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,950
Yeah, that's a pretty new one.
206
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This one would actually use electricity even when it's off.
207
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:12,490
No, I don't think so.
208
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Uh...One more time, if you will, please?
209
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,300
Yes, these have little microchips and timers in them,
210
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so they're using a bit of power all the time.
211
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I guess I assumed you had an old one.Huh!
212
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Ok, so I--I guess we'll agree to disagree-- no, no, no, no, no.
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I don't think that we will.
214
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I think, actually, you should phone your mama,
215
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and have her come pick you up early, 'cause it's lookin' like a snow day!
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Oh, yeah.
217
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That does feel good.
218
00:10:56,820 --> 00:11:02,220
Ok.Who can tell me.****miracle****
219
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Can you ****you know everything.Put your hand down.
220
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Anyone?
221
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Anybody?
222
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*****come out behind*****what us you got?
223
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un...*******
224
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oh.you are refering to*****
225
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:29,620
Yeah******
226
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:31,960
Good answer...
227
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yes the question was about Europe.the question was what got america
228
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to join the war.And the answer is *****and you are wrong.
229
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Oh.Let's ******
230
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:52,440
I'm sorry,but you*************
231
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mhmm.that might be true.*****
232
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And you are very wrong.and i knew the answer.so i was very right.
233
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Would you get a whiff of that?
234
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It's the sweet smell of learning.
235
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I just came by to give you an update on steph's surprise party.
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Oh, goody.
237
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Yeah.
238
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It's gonna be at cantina mexicana.
239
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We're gonna get there at 8:00, so make sure you're there by 7:30,
240
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so steph doesn't see you walkin' in.
241
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Oh, and when you get there, make sure you pick up a kazoo,
242
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'cause we're all gonna yell surprise and then play happy birthday together.
243
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Yeah, you're painting quite a night, woodcocK.
244
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Yeah.Hey, there, buddy!
245
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Wanna check out the air show this weekend?
246
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Aw, I wish I could, but you know, joy has me on a short leash.
247
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Ok, your loss, my mom's gain.
248
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Ok.Oh, god.Is my life a nightmare.
249
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I got this guy who wants to be my new girlfriend,
250
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my wife keeps talking about how right she was,
251
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and now I got your surprise party-- listen, eddie,
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if you don't wanna come to the party, you don't have to come.
253
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,440
Look, I'm going to your partY.
254
00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:55,590
I just spent $12 on a present.
255
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:56,120
Trust me.
256
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,600
I'm gonna get some tacos out of it.
257
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:00,990
Just have to figure out how to deal with joy.
258
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,330
Well, eddie, how about this?
259
00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:05,520
Let it go.
260
00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:07,580
How french of you, woodcock.
261
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:08,920
But that's not how it's gonna go down.
262
00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:14,540
The only way I can get my life back is if I catch joy being wrong about something.
263
00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:16,170
She can't be right forever.
264
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:19,500
And when she slips up, I'm gonna be there.
265
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,310
Waiting.
266
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,750
Can you believe jeff flew steph's sisters in for the party?
267
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,670
Steph told me that they have a made-up language that they speak to each other.
268
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,390
I'll try not to crack the code.
269
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,520
Make a right at the next light.
270
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,400
Did you say, "right"?
271
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:43,780
Yeah, on spruce.
272
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,940
So you think the restaurant is to the right?
273
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:50,550
I know it is.
274
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,370
Then i assume you won't mind me going on record on
275
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:56,430
our answering machine that you think cantina
276
00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:00,050
mexicana is to the right on spruce street?
277
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,580
Are you sure you wanna go there?
278
00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:04,780
Oh, oh, oh, I'm going there in a freaking limo.
279
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,480
Ok.
280
00:14:06,530 --> 00:14:11,770
Uh, yes, it is saturday night at approximately 7:15 P.M.
281
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:15,110
And we are headed south on 42nd street.
282
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,740
I'm here with joy stark who is officially going on record
283
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:23,700
that she thinks cantina mexicana is to the right on spruce street.
284
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,980
It's on record, and you couldn't be wrongeR.
285
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:27,990
Oh, really?
286
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,760
Yes.Yes.Because cantina mexicana is to the left,
287
00:14:31,810 --> 00:14:34,050
and I know because I was down here last weekend,
288
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,910
and I walked right past it.
289
00:14:36,010 --> 00:14:38,440
So when I make a left turn and you are at the restaurant,
290
00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:40,970
safe and sound, you're gonna buy me a margarita.
291
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:43,930
And then you're gonna sing a mexican song of apology
292
00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:48,650
because you will be wrong, and I will be back on top.
293
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,340
I got all turned around.
294
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,250
They changed the city on me!
295
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,450
You had to dig in, huh?
296
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,360
You couldn't just listen to me, and now we're totally late.
297
00:14:58,410 --> 00:15:01,130
Oh, my gosh.Eddie and joy.
298
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:05,120
Wow.What are you two doing here?
299
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,880
I don't know.Joy handles the calendar.
300
00:15:06,930 --> 00:15:08,830
So, uh, what's going on?What are we doing here?
301
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,630
Uh...we are here...
302
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:16,060
for the, um, famous halibut diablo!
303
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:18,600
Muy delicioso.
304
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,700
Is it one of your birthdays?
305
00:15:21,910 --> 00:15:25,430
See?This is why I hate surprise parties.I'm out.
306
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,250
Wait.
307
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,820
Is this a surprise party for me?
308
00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:32,400
How are you not getting this yet?
309
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:34,410
Ahh, look, I'm sorry I blew it.
310
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:36,840
And apologize to your sisters for me.
311
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,550
Oh, my god!My sisters are here?
312
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,090
Is there gonna be a video?
313
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:43,200
I gotta go fix my hair.
314
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:48,360
Was I not overly clear about being on time, kazoos ready?
315
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:52,220
I am sorry, jeff but if eddie would've just listened to me about the directions--
316
00:15:52,270 --> 00:15:54,180
she was completely wrong about the directions.
317
00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:55,380
I thought I was headed south.
318
00:15:55,430 --> 00:15:58,240
It's just amazing to me that you cannot live in a world where I am right.
319
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,370
Because you make it impossible to live in that world.
320
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,240
And you certainly weren't right about the rascal.
321
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:04,480
All right...
322
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,770
Stop it!
323
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:09,540
Hey, I don't care how you act in the privacy of your own home,
324
00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:11,500
but you're affecting my life now!
325
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,550
And that's not ok!
326
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,610
And surprise parties, they're not lame.
327
00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:19,380
They are thrilling.
328
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,150
One minute you're just going along, and then, suddenly,
329
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:25,200
a whole party just drops from the sky.
330
00:16:25,340 --> 00:16:29,900
But steph, she's not gonna have that thrill now because you two just can't stop!
331
00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:31,390
You know what?Just go, ok?
332
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,200
I really-- I don't even want you here.
333
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:38,660
Surprise!
334
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,230
Forget it.
335
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,430
It's just me, the surprise is ruined.
336
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,860
Well, that was thoroughly awkward.
337
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,060
'Twas.
338
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,870
What's happened to us, eddie, with this whole being right thing?
339
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,450
Why does it matter so much to us?
340
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:57,980
I don't know.
341
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,610
Maybe it's just part of that healthy, passionate
342
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:03,370
give and take that is our life together.
343
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,470
I actually think we might be pretty troubled.
344
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,810
Yeah, we're a big mess.
345
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,500
Hey, hey.I got an idea.
346
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,130
What are you doing?
347
00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:18,180
I'm breaking out our old toaster.
348
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:19,140
That ancient thing?
349
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,380
I threw that away.
350
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,870
Yeah, along with my old indian belt.
351
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,090
Booya!
352
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:30,140
Hey, and thank god I rescued it, because this is our ticket out of the jam.
353
00:17:30,190 --> 00:17:33,460
You see, when I plug in this toaster, it doesn't draw any power.
354
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:38,180
So what I have done is created parallel worlds where we both can be right.
355
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:40,050
That's your solution?
356
00:17:40,290 --> 00:17:41,580
Yeah.What's wrong with that?
357
00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:42,870
I thought it was a good idea.
358
00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,310
What, you got something better?
359
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,650
Don't you think it would be healthier for our relationship
360
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:50,780
if we disagreed on something, we would just go look it up,
361
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:54,350
and then we would both be happier that we have this little piece of knowledge?
362
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,500
Oh, that's another way to go.
363
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,720
Seriously.We are 2 people who love each other.
364
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:02,120
How did we get like this over a toaster?
365
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:05,710
I know.It's crazy.Come here.
366
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,900
Pour a little sugar on me.
367
00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:18,160
Do you smell smoke?
368
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:18,980
I don't know.
369
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:22,800
I really can't smell anything since I ate tom's homemade ketchup.
370
00:18:28,510 --> 00:18:30,130
Oh, my god!Your toaster's on fire!
371
00:18:30,180 --> 00:18:31,660
Wow, it's a good thing we replaced that.
372
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,250
Eddie!
373
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:33,350
Ok!All right.All right.
374
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,840
Here.All right.I will handle it.I will handle it.Here.
375
00:18:36,890 --> 00:18:39,120
No, you can't put water on an electrical fire.
376
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:41,320
Yeah, yeah, but wood's a great idea.
377
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,800
Listen, I know that water can put out burning toast.
378
00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:45,290
Not in a live toaster.
379
00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:46,590
The water acts as a conductor.
380
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:47,690
It spreads the flames.
381
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:50,320
No.Now, that is not right, and you know that is not right.
382
00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:51,910
Oh, will you stop with who is right?
383
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,770
We have got a fire in our home.Unplug it.
384
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:56,290
No, you unplug it.That's your thing.
385
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,350
You have longer arms.
386
00:18:57,410 --> 00:19:00,370
No, they're too hairy, they'll go up like dry kindling.
387
00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:01,610
What do you suggest we do?
388
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,950
I'm thinking baking soda.
389
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:04,710
Baking soda?
390
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,100
You want to blow up the whole house?
391
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,920
Baking soda sounds right to me.
392
00:19:07,970 --> 00:19:12,860
Yeah, that's why the fire department drives around with giant boxes of baking soda?
393
00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,240
That is so wrong!
394
00:19:15,290 --> 00:19:16,390
Are you sure about that?
395
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,290
Yes, I am sure about that.
396
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,960
Are you rascal sure?
397
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:22,960
All right, that is it.
398
00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:28,300
I am breeding a badger and a raccoon and the rascal will exist.
399
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:31,630
It will be scrappy and cute, and people will be lining up for them,
400
00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:33,180
and you will have nothing on me.
401
00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:35,230
Nothing!
402
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,520
It's out.
403
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,240
How about that?
404
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,580
Guess it ran out of oxygen.
405
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:54,020
What?
406
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,790
It's an open toaster, there's oxygen...
407
00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:01,410
that's right, sweetie.
408
00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:06,140
It ran out of oxygen.Let's go to bed.
409
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,950
I still want toast.
410
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:18,950
Come on.Before eddie and joy ruined it, you were surprised, right?
411
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,030
I got you, I had you going.
412
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,640
Well, here's the thing.
413
00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:26,340
In the 4 years you've known me, you've thrown me 5 surprise parties.
414
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:29,340
4 birthdays and that weird one on christmas.
415
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,970
That one surprised you, though, huh?
416
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:35,220
Yeah.More 'cause it didn't really make sense.
417
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:40,700
I guess my question is, why so many surprise parties?
418
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:45,660
Well, I guess 'cause they're fun, and they're thrilling, and...
419
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,330
I've never really had one.
420
00:20:49,670 --> 00:20:53,530
Jeff, do you want me to throw you a surprise party?
421
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:56,990
Maybe.
32310
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