All language subtitles for Stan.Against.Evil.S03E02.XviD-AFG

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- 'Ellow?
- ___

What do you mean,
where am I?

You called me
on my home phone.

___

Yeah, I'm at home

carving butter
into a chicken.

___

No.

We're not meeting
for another 40 minutes.

___

Okay,
where in our sacred text

does it mention
daylight savings time, Lara?

It's a pointless
western construct.

- ___
- Okay, fine.

I'll be there.

Okay, I'm here,

technically early
based on guy's natural...

What?

Three bodies
burnt to a crisp...

Nothing else is.

Not the chairs.
Not the table.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

What?

If you could teach
a gorilla

to use a snake
as a bull whip...

Not thinking that.
I am not thinking that.

Excuse us.

Who's supposed to be
in that fourth chair?

*STAN AGAINST EVIL*
Season 03 Episode 02

*STAN AGAINST EVIL*
Episode Title: "The Hex Files"

Uh, I'm sorry.

This is
a closed crime scene.

Special Agent Fleming.

This is my partner,
Special Agent Nesbit.

We're with the Bureau.

FBI?

The New Hampshire State Bureau
of Paranormal Phenomena.

The NHSBPP?

- You've heard of us?
- No.

But that's what
it would be called.

Uh, I-I'm sorry.

How did you find out
about this?

Willard's Mill has been
on our radar for a while.

You're aware
that in 1692,

172 people were burned
at the stake for witchcraft

by a constable
named Thaddeus Eccles?

Oh, we're aware.

And now, three people,

clearly in the middle of
a ritualistic ceremony,

are all
turned into charcoal.

Clearly, there's
a scientific explanation.

We just haven't
found it yet.

She's
the skeptical one.

That's sort of
our dynamic.

It's funny,
I'm also skeptical.

Uh, why have I never
heard of you?

Well, have you ever
heard of the horseshoe bat?

- What?
- The horseshoe bat.

- It's indigenous to - Europe. No.

It's very rare.
It's known for its nose,

which is in the shape
of a horseshoe.

- So?
- So it's possible

for things to exist
despite the fact that

you've never heard of them.

- Touché.
- Nice to meet you, Touché.

- No, I was... Okay.
- I know.

First thing's first.

Were there
any witnesses?

Well,
there's these three...

Why don't you go
put on that other glove?

I'll be
in the patrol car.

It takes a while

because
he takes off that glove

to put on
the other glove.

And then
he takes off that glove

to put on
the other glove.

And then,
he takes off that glove

to put on the other glove,
and then he...

Yeah?

Yeah, hey, Stan.
It's me.

- That it?
- No!

Have you ever heard of
the, uh...

The New Hampshire State Bureau
of Paranormal Phenomena?

The NHSBPP?

- Yeah!
- No.

But that's what
they'd be called.

- I'll talk to you later.
- Could yo...

If you want to defeat evil,

find a bigger evil.

And let a little in.

That's what the man said.

So you're a member
of this...?

Black Hat Society.
Shh!

As of today,

I am the last member
of the Black Hat Society.

What if he's still
out there?

Who?

Constable Eccles!

It had to have been him.

And if he knows
the truth about me,

- and that I survived...
- What's the truth about you, Judy?

I'm a direct descendant
of Eudora Bishop,

the founder
of the Black Hat Society.

Constable Eccles must've known
that we were getting close.

- Close to what?
- To Haurus!

J...

We're drawing
too much attention.

You need to leave.

I just want to carve
my butter into a chicken

like anybody else.

So go.

- Oh, it's actually
- Uh... I-I think...

- Did I not pass the sink when I came in?
- No, no, no. It's...

- I'm pretty sure we came in this way.
- Oh, my God!

Have you never been
in a house?!

This way. This way.

Okay, so who's Haurus?

I know
where we can find out.

So are you, uh...?

Eh!

Yeah...

No. No. No.

Stan, this is
Special Agent Fleming

and Special Agent Nesbit.

New Hampshire State Bureau
of Paranormal Phenomena.

We have a lead
on something,

but we need
more information.

So we need access
to Claire's room.

Gosh,
I'd love to help you,

but today's
a very, very bad day.

What happened?

Well,
things were goin' along

pretty swimmingly,
actually.

And there was a knock
on the door.

And when I opened it,

it was a whole pack
of jackasses.

We could come back
with a warrant...

A warrant!

That's so...

That's funny.

That's hilarious.

Humor is so important
in America.

We're coming in.

Saw a hummingbird
by your mailbox.

Oh, shoot me.

Now, uh,
if you guys are staties,

how come I ain't never
heard of you?

We're a top-secret organization,
Mr. Miller.

The people
who do know about us

are under orders
to deny our existence.

No, I ain't buyin' it.
Or that shade of red.

Mr. Miller, I'm gonna have
to ask you to believe me.

Well,
I don't wanna believe.

Stan,
what's goin' on in here?

This is none
of my business,

but it looks like
you're researching

the exact same thing
we are...

A powerful demon
subject to a conjuring spell.

You're right.
It is none of your business.

Go sew a sweater.
Go on.

Nesbit.

Yes, sir.

That was
Assistant Director Dietz.

He wants to know why
we're not in Stratford County

investigating
those crop squares.

Crop squares?

Yeah, they're doing squares now.
You didn't hear that from me.

It worked!

It worked, Dad!

You can make Jell-O
out of wine!

H- Hello...

Special Agents Fleming,
Nesbit,

this is Denise.

You're like, a strong, powerful
female authority figure.

You don't see that
every day.

Uh, hello?

I said "hello"
when I walked in the room.

I really love your suit
and your sensible heels.

Wanna see my room?

Uh... yes.

No.

Wait a minute.
What about this?

"And there be
no greater evil

than the mighty Haurus."

H-A-U-R-U-S.

"Commander
of Hell's Legions."

Nice work, Sheriff.

Mind if I take this?

And look at it here
and then leave without it?

You're on the clock there,
Biff.

Ticktock. Ticktock.

Ticktock. Ticktock.

This
is going very well.

Tick, tick, ticktock.
Tick. Tick. Tick.

Like most government
agents, I'm also a doctor.

This is the head.

How is it
that you guys are able

to just walk into a building
and perform an autopsy?

The trick is to
bring your own rubber gloves.

These bodies all burned hotter
at their core.

The bone joints
are practically fused.

Meaning?

Meaning,
they were cooked

from the inside out.

Whatever they were doing,

someone wanted it
stopped quick.

There's also
a logical explanation...

Spontaneous combustion.

It's rare,
but not without precedent.

On three people?

All at once?
Come on.

Oh.

What?
What is it?

Well, it's just something
Judy said.

"If he knew
the truth about me,

if he knew I survived."

I mean, if she's that afraid,
why stay there?

- Why not run?
- If she plans on continuing

with the ceremony
and summoning that demon,

she could expose herself
to more danger.

Even though I'm sure

there's some sort of
scientific explanation

kind of, you know, thing,
science.

Judy's got a secret.

Every Judy does...

..in my experience.

You guys ever been
on a stakeout?

- Psh.
- Psh.

- Have we ever been on a stakeout?
- Have we ever been on a stakeout?

Seriously, have you?

Hm.

Make eggs for me.

Whatever killed the other
members of the covenant,

looks like your friend
Constable Eccles

may be looking
to finish the job.

Yeah, or Judy feels
her only hope

is to complete the ceremony

and summon Haurus
in order to protect her.

Exactly.
Or none of the above

because demons
don't exist.

We literally
just had a case

when you were attacked

by a shape-shifting
human-owl hybrid.

What's it gonna take,
Nesbit?

Did it have a beak?

Natch.

You ever hear
of freedom of the press?

It's my job
to inform the public.

Who is that?

The guy from the paper.

Ugh, that suit!

Ah!
Like talkin' to a tree!

Nosy reporters.

- You want a pie? I have two.
- No.

But boy, I used to really love
those things.

And then one day,
I bit into one

and I found a Band-Aid.

I was kidding.

I'll have that one.

Hey.

- Why are you spying on us?
- Who said I was?

I did. Just now.
When?

- All right, thanks.
- If you wanna know what's going on,

come with me.

Here.

Don't eat my pie.

Whoa!

I'm Superman.

Mr. Miller,
if you don't mind my asking,

what were you looking for
in that library?

Yeah, Stan.
That's not like you.

I can read the books
in my own house there, Barret.

Don't take this
the wrong way.

It's not often
we work with people

who understand
what we do,

who will believe us
when we tell them

not only
does Sasquatch exist,

but there are about
30 of them

created by the government

to scare hikers away
from military black sites.

- Really?!
- Really?!

Totes to the max.

Let me just make sure
I'm getting this.

You're telling me

that the Moon landing
was faked?

No, I'm telling you
the Moon is fake.

The landing was real.

It was filmed on a soundstage
in Vermont.

Well, now, wait a minute.

I'll buy the Moon is fake.

But there's no way
there's soundstages in Vermont.

Nesbit.

Uh, no, I can't go apple picking
right now.

Mr. Miller, how did
your daughter get my number?

How does she not drown
in a rainstorm?

I got my own questions there,
lady.

Well, looks like Miss Bishop
may be in for the night.

Wanna grab a beer?

Let me go ahead

and put this right out front
there, Fenwick...

Still don't trust you.

Trust no one,
Mr. Miller.

Oh, yeah.

Well, if you want me
to not trust you,

then now... I do.

Damn it.

Not my butter chicken.

Sweetheart.

I am making a scrapbook
for Agent Nesbit

so she will always remember

her time
here in Willard's Mill.

All right. Way to go.

Way to go.

Geez. God.

Why are they still here?

Those agents don't belong
in Willard's Mill.

I thought
this was your town.

Get rid of them.

I've got an idea.

You stay here.

Denise and I are gonna go
in the other room.

Wait for it.

Then we're
gonna go outside.

We're gonna
lock all the doors.

And then we're gonna
burn the house down.

Do ya love it
as much as I do?

Here, have a beer.

Cool yourself off.

We came back in,
well, Judy was gone.

Did Denise see anything?

Well,
she saw a lot of stuff,

but... you smell a lot of glue
scrapbooking.

Where is she now?

Downtown getting
more glue.

Hey.
Check this out.

I did a little deep dive
at the county records office.

Remember Judy said her ancestor's
name was Eudora Bishop?

Well, before settling
in Willard's Mill,

Eudora traveled
the Himalayas,

where she claims
she encountered

a "Hindu demon
named Kumbhakarna."

When she came back, she claimed
this entity appeared to her here.

In western theology,

the Kumbhakarna,
also known as "Haurus,"

was the commander of Hell's Legions.
You're right.

According to the legend,

Kumbhakarna, or Haurus,
needs a human host.

Like Merv Griffin?

No.

Like, it needs a human body
to survive.

- Like Merv Griffin.
- Okay, it could've been Merv.

In this case,
I think it's probably Judy.

Since Judy is part of
Eudora's bloodline,

were she to cast
the proper spell,

she could summon Haurus
back to our plane of existence.

Right.
But that can only happen...

here it is...

"At Bishop's Chapel
beneath the midnight moon."

See that is the missing piece

that the Black Hat Society
didn't have

because Judy wasn't there
to tell them.

There is not Bishop's Chapel
in Willard's Mill.

I know that
because of science.

Bishop Chapel Tires!

Big, big factory built
on the site of the old chapel.

Of course,
it's abandoned now

on account of people
don't use tires anymore.

Yes, they do.

And now, Biff, that's...
You're trespassing.

Just let him have it,
okay?

I think we know
where Judy's headed, right?

Come on.
Come on.

Oh, no.

Stan, wait up.

- I got to tell you something...
- Well, if you're wondering about the whole

"People don't use tires thing
anymore"...

- No! That's not it...
- it's based on an article I read

- in "Popular Mechanics".
- No, listen! This is important!

You know what, forget it.
I'll tell you later.

Any sign of Judy?

This place is big, dark,
and dangerous.

Let's split up into small,
vulnerable groups.

You know, I don't think
that's gonna do much

to stop this Haurus.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it doesn't need to.

Nathaniel Ignatius Fleming!

That's right!

Nathaniel Ignatius Fleming
and Marion Nesbit Fleming

accused, tried,
and convicted,

and burned at the stake
for witchcraft in 1692.

Well, well, well,
Stan-erooney was right again!

I saw it in your eyes.

You know,
we can't touch you

if you're in the middle
of a circle of salt.

That's right!

You're now safe
from any spell or action

we could take...

Oh. Oh, no.

- But these still work.
- Mm.

Oh, you actually, um...

He actually...

I guess you got me!

So what happens now?

You kill us and Constable Eccles
gives you a commission?

Something like that.

But first,

you're gonna help us
stop someone

do something
very foolish.

Marion. Nathaniel.

It's time...
It's time to go.

One minute 'til 11.

You're an hour early,
Judy.

It's not...

Ow!

Haurus mustn't be allowed access
to this mortal plane.

It's far too powerful
of an entity.

What's happening?

You ever...

You ever hear of

a dirty little
government conspiracy

called
"daylight savings"?

- What?
- It's midnight, guys.

I said it's time!

To go!

No!

No!

See ya, Judy.

Why didn't it hurt us?

He was protecting us.

Stan,
whatever that thing is...

I think it might be
more powerful

than Constable Eccles.

I know.

In the files of the New
Hampshire State Government,

you will find no record

of a Department
of Paranormal Phenomena.

Bishop's Chapel Tires
has been marked for demolition.

And Beauty Time Hair Products

has since discontinued
autumn orange number four.

Sync corrections by srjanapala

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