All language subtitles for Only.Murders.in.the.Building.S04E09.1080p.WEB.H264-SuccessfulCrab

Sazz was my friend.

We're trying to
solve her murder.

Right. For your podcast.

- Ben Glenroy?
- Ben's dead!

I'm Glen Stubbins,
Ben's stunt double.

Can ya help me get
a job on your film?

You lost your stunt double.
I lost my acting double.

We could make each
other whole again.

Oh God, they've been shot!

It's Glen! He's still alive!

Stubbins is stable,
but unconscious.

The bullet struck the plate in his
head and deflected to Gali-fine-akis.

I sign on to your
crazy for a lifetime.

You're giving me
a doll's bracelet?

I'm proposing to you,
Oliver. I wanna marry you.

We're getting
married this weekend!

Sazz figured this all out. Maybe
that's what she wanted to tell me.

I wanted to tell you something
about your friend, Sazz.

She was on the ham radio,

asking about all these huge plot
holes you had in your podcast.

You're how Sazz knew about all
the West Tower stuff in her notes.

She talked about a stuntman on a
movie called Project Ronkonkoma.

She said, "He's gonna
be the death of me."

What's Project Ronkonkoma?

Here we go! Project Ronkonkoma.

Who's the stunt person? Is
it someone we can talk to?

Not exactly.

For those of us in film and TV, the
people you work with are everything.

Until it's time to move
on to the next show,

and then it's easy
to lose touch.

Talk to Pataki.

Hey hey, Spanko!
How's it goin', man?

No, no, you're good.
I'm just leavin' set.

Project Ronkonkoma! Of course,
I can wrestle up a team!

But sometimes, you meet a person

you don't want to let go of.

And sometimes, they
can change your life

in ways you never saw coming.

Ha, ha!

Geez!

That was some flip!

I teach that in my Advanced
Somersault Intensive,

which is in the winter.

You ever stunted before?

There he is.

Excuse me, you
can't go in there.

Oh, uh, we have to.
Uh, we're his family.

Uh, that's right. We're
the Stubbinses, you know.

I'm Oliver. Th-This cailín is Mabel, and
of course, you've met cousin Charles.

And it sure is good to know ya!

Well, the accent's new.

Well, it's in and out.

Okay, fine, we're here
investigating a murder,

and we need to see Glen.

Glen is in a fragile state.

He can't be subjected to
an interrogation right now.

No need to worry, darlin'.
These are mild questions.

Like, uh, "We heard Sazz was
beefin' with her protégé.

Might that be you,
Glen Stubbins?"

And sure, whatever happened
on Project Ronkonkoma

on the Erin's green isle?

Um, and you know,

"Did you murder our friend?"

You're not goin'
in. That's final.

Also, what's with the beer?

- Oh, uh, we were going to...
- No, please.

L-lure him out of his coma.

Ya thought the smell of
beer would rouse him?

Why? 'Cause he's Irish?

Did ya bring some
corned beef, too?

No...

We also brought smellin' salts.

Good luck accusin' that
of being in bad taste.

I don't even know if they work.

They work. They work.

We also brought a witchy board

on the off-chance he could
control it with his mind.

So?

Well, the nurse said that
she'd call if Glen wakes up.

- Oh.
- So, what do we do now?

What do I do with all this beer?

Sazz gave them to me
the night she died,

but I'm never gonna drink
them 'cause, as you know,

beer is a peasant's drink.

Oliver, I'll take
your peasant's beer

because I'm such a good friend.

You know, I've been thinking.

You're getting married in a few
days, and what if I took you out

and bought you a non-beer
drink to, uh, celebrate?

Charles, are you offering to
throw me a bachelor party?

I don't care what people say.

You're not an ice prince.

Good people.

Guys, it's the bartender
from Concussions.

Ah!

The three jackasses who
promised to solve Sazz's murder.

We're still doing that.

Hm, racked up a
coma along the way.

Hey, uh, you're in
the stunt world.

We heard Sazz's protégé
on Project Ronkonkoma

was giving her a hard time,

and Glen Stubbins ended up
with credit on the movie.

No.

Glen was brought in to
replace Sazz's protégé.

The guy fucked up so bad,
Sazz had to blackball him.

So, Sazz ended her
protégé's career,

and then Glen replaced him.

That's motive to
kill both of 'em.

So, Glen was never our
shooter. He was another victim.

Who was this protégé?

- And what happened on Project Ronkonkoma?
- I didn't know the guy.

The only ones who know what went down
are Sazz, Glen, and the director.

So, all we have to do is track
down the director of that movie,

who was...

Ron Howard.

Finally, a celebrity
this season!

Oh! Your first
professional fire stunt.

Oh! Alright.

Now I know we've been
over this a million times.

We're gonna make it a
million and one. Ready?

- Mm-hmm.
- Step one,

grab your fireproof jock from
the deep freeze. Strap it on.

Step two, slather up your
tender bits with this stuff.

Wrists, neck, ankles.

Anything not covered by...

this flame-retardant vest,

AKA step three.

Yeah, it's a bit tattered,
it's a bit old school,

but it's a gift from my old man, and
it's kept me safe all these years.

Here, for you. Try it on.

Lather yourself up,

and we're gonna torch you.

Ooh! I'm so psyched for you.

Frank! You good?

Well, took us long enough, but we
finally are on the right track.

Only question is how the
hell do we get to Ron Howard?

Well, I've been waiting to tell
you this for maximum impact, but...

Ron-Ron and I are
close personal friends.

And you know it's true
because he called him Ron-Ron.

I'll have you know our headshots
are hung right next to each other

at my favorite
Chinese restaurant.

Well, next to each other in an
across-and-down sort of way.

My face is covered by a plant,

but my pompadour is pompin'.

Great. Your pictures know each
other. That's incredibly helpful.

Devastating that
you know me so well

and yet you could think that
was the end of my story.

The year!

1988.

I was 10 dumplings deep,

but who should enter?
Hollywood's own, Ron Howard.

Next thing you know, we're
sharing an off-menu soup

that is so spicy, we
sweat through our shirts.

We talked into the wee hours,

topless, and, I don't know,

maybe we danced on
top of the table.

I'm not sure. The end of
the evening is a bit fuzzy.

Not unlike Ron-Ron's
chest, which I do remember.

You saw Ron Howard's nipples?

- Oh, my God!
- Like two little cardinals in a bush.

Okay, let's just say
that story is true.

Why don't you give, uh, your good
friend a call and get us some info?

Well, this was before
cell phones, Mabel.

- Mm.
- I only have the number

to his car fax machine,

but if we stake out the
restaurant, we'll find him.

You know what? I'm
just gonna call

Tommy Hanks and
just get his number.

I mean, he's one of my close
personal friends, you know,

because, one time, I
watched The Polar Express.

That is fu... Although,

speaking of Tom Hanks,
we should invite him.

Invite him to what?

My bachelor party.

I've literally spent the entire
time with you since the hospital.

- When would I have ever done that?
- I-I'm sorry. Yes, okay.

B-But, the invites should
go out soon, Charles.

Yeah, Charles. I mean,
you have, like, 50 hours,

which means you're
looking at Evites.

Evites. Yeah, that's
not the classiest,

but that is the hand
we have been dealt.

Alright, I'll keep it simple.
I just want three little things

for my bachelor party.

Whiskey,

A-list celebrities,

and someone who does
something naughty,

and we all have to keep it a
secret for the rest of our lives.

I'll give you an acronym
to help you remember.

W-A-N-S, WANS.

Whiskey, A-list
celebrities, naughty secret.

Got it.

H-E-L-P.

This seems like a really
good time for me to exit.

So, I am gonna go visit someone

who can actually help
us find Ron Howard.

Come in.

- Mabel!
- Hey.

You look so pretty!

Wait, did we have something
on the books for today?

Hold.

- Skylar?
- Hi.

Hi, did we have something on
the books with Mabel today?

Maybe. I-I don't remember.

I-It's fine if you forgot.

I keep forgetting!

You're in a safe
space, don't worry.

No, please don't take another
mental health day. Please, no.

Okay, good. Bye.

Can't take it anymore.

Uh... Sorry, there was
nothing on the books today.

I, um, I just... I wanted
to ask you about...

About the movie?

Ugh, let me tell you.
The movie is addicted

to being a piece of shit.

I hate the costumes.
They're awful.

Eva Longoria is
constantly unavailable

because of some TED Talk
or billionaire's birthday.

The Brothers Sisters are
draining every last drop of me.

But, they do keep asking
for more Mabel scenes,

which is interesting.
Something about your...

"erotic non-sexuality."

Yeah, it's the sweaters.

And every draft that Marshall
turns in is worse than the last.

It's like I can't even remember the
script that I fell in love with.

And I don't know if it's the two
coffee enemas that I took this morning,

but I'm starting to think
that the Brothers Sisters

aren't actually identical.

Well, uh, I just... I came by

because I'm trying to
track down Ron Howard.

Uh, do you, by chance,
know where he is?

Of course, I know
where that fucker is.

- Wait, you do?
- Oh yes, Mabel.

You're nobody in this town if
you ain't keeping track of...

Ron Howard.

He's actually in New York
right now shooting a movie.

No one knows what it's
about or who's in it,

but I did hear that it's
very autobiographical

and very personal
and very small,

and the budget is $200 million.

Uh...

Can I ask you a question?

When you talk, do you say "bro"?

Bro? No, I hang out
with 70-year-olds.

Right. That's what I thought.

These pages are a
big fat suck-fest.

You know what? I have an idea.

What if I give you
Ron Howard's address,

and you do something for me,

and that would be taking
a pass on these scenes,

but you have to make sure it sounds
like the real Mabel. What do you think?

If, uh, if this lead pans out,

maybe, uh, I can help
you when I come back.

Yes! Here you go.

Thank you.

- Uh, goodbye.
- Bye.

Everyone, we need all Escape
From Planet Klongo NDAs

signed before entering.

Oh.

Okay, okay, let
me take the lead.

If I drop my name,

Ron Howard will swing that
velvet rope wide open.

I think I should. Security
guards love Brazzos.

I'm kinda their Princess Diana.

I think I should, mostly
because I'm neither of you.

Hold up. You got badges?

Oh yeah, I got a badge. Huh?

From Brazzos? TV show?
Your dad probably watched?

- Emmy nomination for sound?
- Um,

sorry, we just, we need to talk

to Mr. Howard about
an investigation.

We're professional podcasters.

Only Murders in the Building.

We're the most listened
to murder podcast

on the Upper West Side that's
sponsored by a deli chain.

Yeah, you're not
gettin' in here.

W-Well, i-if you could just tell
Ron-Ron that Ollie Putnam is here.

No, no. Tell him
"off-menu soup."

Hot, hot, hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot!

Ah! Ah! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

- He'll know what that means.
- Look.

I'ma be real with you.
I don't really watch TV,

and congrats on the podcast.

I mean, that's, that's
huge, and it's so amazing

that you have an inside
joke with Ron Howard,

but if I let you in,

then I'll lose my job, and
then I won't have enough money

to go to Disneyland
with my cousins,

and we've been planning
this trip for years.

So, just in case my
boss is listening,

get outta here!

Okay.

Ugh, that was a very
charming rejection.

Background actors?

Yes?

You were supposed to arrive
10 minutes ago. Move it!

Oh! Time.

Background.

Have fun with your cousins.

- Get your badge.
- Yes.

Thank you.

I'm not gonna have to
do any acting, right?

Are you nervous? You know your
hobby is chasing murderers?

Oh yeah, that's
somehow less scary.

Well, good news. As
soon as we step on set,

Ron-Ron will recognize me,
and we'll get pulled away.

And don't worry. Background actors
don't really have to do much.

You just be natural.

You know, I hadn't
thought of it before,

but I guess it's time for me to change
my emergency contact to Loretta.

A whole new life.

- Gives me chills.
- Okay, listen up!

I need everyone to line up and
deliver your best terrified reaction.

Best 10 stay, the rest go home.

You said background actors
don't have to do much.

Well, honey, they do
now, so buckle up.

Okay, let's go, guys.
Alright, line up over here.

I don't know whether to
go big, do I go small,

or communicate the unspeakable
horror using only my teeth?

- Not that.
- You first.

- You're in.
- Oh.

- What do I do?
- I think big. I think we go big.

I was hoping for big.

- You're out.
- Damn.

Final answer, small.
We're going small.

Small is sophisticated. Small
is for the silver screen.

- Really keeping us on our toes here.
- You.

- Thought we said small.
- That was my small.

- You're in.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, my God, Brazzos?

Ah. So nice to meet a fan.

I'm sure Ron'll
want to say hello.

You're doing background now?

That's so sad. You
can be in the movie.

You're still in the
game. You're in.

- This way.
- No! I don't think I can do this.

You.

Wow, great. You're in.

Head on over to
wardrobe and makeup.

Are...

Are ye an angel?

Oh. Relax.

You're in the hospital.

- You've been shot in the head.
- Nay.

The heart.

Ya had some friends
come here earlier,

a couple o' married old
men and their caretaker.

They wanted to ask you about the
stunt guy on Project Ronkonkoma?

Yes. Right. No, I-I need
to talk to 'em right away.

- I'll let them know you're up.
- Right away.

Oh, also, um...

would ya do me
the honor of bein'

Mrs. Glen Stubbins?

Also, I'm Glen Stubbins.

Oh. Yeah, I'll get your doctor.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Can I-I get a room
without the rats?

Alright.

Don't forget to take a deep
breath before they light you up.

Last thing you wanna do is
inhale flames into your lungs.

And when the director yells
"cut," you stop, drop,

and let 'em hose you down. And
then, you take a good 30 seconds

before you do anything
else in case you re-spark.

You ready?

Yeah, of course, you are.

Now, go make my papa proud.

Doing this for Sazz,
doing this for Sazz.

How is Ron-Ron going
to recognize me now?

That night in the Chinese restaurant,
my aesthetic was distinctively not

life-size Sour Patch Kid.

And why do we have to wear spandex,
and Mabel only gets makeup?

Well, because you
guys are a bunch of...

"Klongos," and I'm just a girl.

Right, Klongos. I mean, I'm
sorry, but what is this movie?

Are we witnessing the end
of Ron Howard's career?

No, no, no. What I learned
about Ron over soup

is you've gotta just trust
him. I told him, I said,

"Ron-Ron, you're
the beautiful mind."

And he loved that, and he just
plunked down the credit card

and paid for the whole soup.

Oh, my God, guys.

I have to get out of here
and get to the hospital.

Glen Stubbins is awake.

Also, I'm gonna see
if they can remove

the part of my brain that stores
the image of you in spandex.

Well...

Oh, yeah...

Oh, by the way, I've been thinking
about your bachelor party,

and I think I got a winner.

Finally. Yes, let's hear it.

I hope the spandex and
the balls inspired you.

Okay, remember that hot
dog restaurant we went to?

- Yeah.
- And, uh, there was a phone booth outside,

but it wasn't really a phone booth,
it was a door to a speakeasy?

I was thinking we could
do something like that.

Get some dogs with my dawg!

I feel like I've
taken crazy pills.

Do we remember W-A-N-S?!

Whiskey, A-listers,

- naughty secret? Oh, you do remember?
- Naughty secret. Yeah.

'Cause I thought your plan lacked my
simple parameters due to forgetfulness.

But instead, the culprit
is willful negligence!

Alright. Just forget it!

- And you're not wearing this either!
- Ah!

Background, you're up on set.

Ah, you're back, sweetheart.

What? It's you?

What are...

What you... No.

No, no. No, don't! No!

Don't! Stop, no!

Alright, everybody in?

Let's go!

Places!

Ron-Ron? Are you there?

It's me!

Hey, you're not talking to Ron.

Listen up, everybody. On my cue,

you're gonna look
up at the monster,

you're gonna look scared,

and you're gonna run
off that way. Yeah?

Great.

I know our bold acting
choice. Follow my lead.

Background!

And... action!

Run! Run, fellow Klongos!

I shall buy you time!

Don't let my death be in vain!

- Monster, no!
- What the hell's with him?

No... Charles, a
little effort, please!

Or is this gonna be my
bachelor party all over again?

Oh?

Your bachelor party? Oh, you're
right, yes. I should pitch in.

How about a...

a sunset cigar cruise
up the Gowanus Canal?

Or maybe a dining
and spa experience,

where we get fish
pedicures, and afterwards,

we eat the fish
omakase-style?! Oh, wait!

Ice luges poured by
professional ice lugers.

Is this getting
good enough for you?

Oh wait. Oh, maybe, a
members-only aerialist strip club!

And an elephant! But,
not just any elephant!

An A-list elephant.

Babar, Dumbo, or
maybe the viral one

who sat on the zookeeper's head.
Because it really doesn't matter

because no one is gonna show up!

Because you!

Are insufferable.

And... cut?

Who hired the idiots?

Get 'em out and get a
picture for my ban list.

The director has asked
that you go home.

Now.

Sorry, Brazzos.

Now, if you'd line up, Ron
Howard would like to say hi

and thank each of you for your
work today before we start rolling.

Where is he?

I'm so sorry.

- He's dead. My Glen.
- W...

- What happened?
- I don't know!

He seemed fine. He
was making me laugh.

I called his people to let them
know he was awake, did my rounds,

and when I returned, he...

Breaking news. Nicky
"The Neck" Caccimelio,

the Dry Cleaning King of Brooklyn,
has been reported missing.

Though he has ties to
the Caputo crime family,

officials say they do not
suspect foul play at this time.

Uh, who else did you call
and tell that Glen was awake?

Just you and his
emergency contact.

- Sazz Pataki.
- You called Sazz?

Did a man answer?

- Did I do somethin' wrong?
- Uh...

- Rolling.
- And action!

Get out here, you rat!

On the ground!

This is for Don Antonio.

Good, good.

Okay, cut! Fire out!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Clear!

Told you. Yes, yes, yes, yes!

I told you. I told
you we'd do it in one!

Geez whiz!

Oh! Oh no!

Go ahead and strike that!

- You need a hand?
- No, no.

- I don't need your help.
- 'Cause I can if...

Oh no, no, I've
already asked too much.

I don't wanna be "insufferable."

You're my emergency contact.

What?

Well, when I fill out
forms, I put your name.

And I know you used to put
mine, but now it's Loretta's.

You know,

I always knew Mabel would one day
spread her wings and leave, but...

you and me, I thought we'd,
you know, grow old... er,

and die together. Uh...

And don't get me wrong,

I like Loretta. I
really like Loretta.

But now, I'm kinda
the awkward guy,

third-wheeling it on your dates.

You know, saying, "Hey, let's
split a dessert three ways."

You know,

I never wanted, really, to
throw you a bachelor party.

I just wanted to
celebrate our friendship.

Y-You know, I'm hungry, if you
wanted to grab a bite to eat.

- We could go to that Chinese place.
- Yeah.

- Can you give me a hand? Yeah.
- Yeah, I can do that.

You know we're gonna be
friends till the end.

Oh God.

I'm fine. You don't have
to say anything nice to me.

Especially not while
making eye contact.

What if we went
behind our menus?

That-That-That c...
That could work, yeah.

I didn't have a bachelor party

first time I got married,

and I didn't have a best man.

And it's okay if I don't have a
bachelor party this time, too.

But I do want you
to be my best man.

Hmm.

Noodles look good.

And if it would make
you feel better,

you can be my Life Alert
contact in case I fall.

And we can get
colonoscopies together.

Yeah, yeah. Uh,

maybe the dumplings?

Can I get you
something to drink?

- Oh, uh, two Johnnie Walkers.
- Of course.

Where are you going?

W-A-N-S.

- W-A-N-S?
- Here you are.

Ah, the whiskey.

And...

our naughty secret.

Very good.

I know this is...

not the bachelor party
you dreamed of, but...

still...

Charles, it's perfect.

Although, we are missing
the A-lister. Just saying...

You?

Oh. Okay, Charles. Uh...

let me hide behind my menu

until the awkwardness
of this moment clears.

Hi. I don't have a reservation,
but, uh, you know, table for one.

You gotta be kidding me.

What?

The A-lister! You did it!

Oh, my God!

It's you! Ollie!

- It's Ron-Ron!
- Ron-Ron!

I loved it in Mayberry when you'd
go down by the fishin' hole!

Don't ever mention
the fishin' hole.

- Okay, let it go. Come on. Shake it off.
- Don't.

Oh, Mabel, thank God!

Bev said you agreed to
help with the new pages.

Fuck. Look, Marshall, I'm not
in the mood for this right now.

Please, i-it'll be quick. D-Do
you think Mabel would say,

"The name's Mora, Mabel Mora."

Or, "I'm Mabel Fucking Mora!"

I'm thinking number two.

- I wouldn't say either one of those.
- Oh God.

It-It's-It's awful. I-I'm awful.

Please. Bev is threatening to fire
me if I don't get these right.

I-I'll do anything.
I-I'm stuck. I just...

I can't capture your voice.

Yeah, well, I don't think my
voice needs to be captured.

Another person is dead,

and had I solved the case

or figured out the
stuntman angle sooner,

he'd still be alive.
But, he's not.

Wow. That...

is some Mabel dialogue.

D-Do you mind if I
just... I'm gonna...

So then, Hanks leans over to me,

and he says,

"I don't actually
like ranch dressing."

Oh! That's good.

Hey, uh, Ron. Uh,
speaking of funny stories,

we heard there was quite the
snafu on Project Ronkonkoma.

Gonna need another
whiskey for that one.

We never even finished it. I
remember everything about it though.

You know,

it's always tense on sets,

days when there's
gonna be a big stunt,

and doubly so when
fire is involved.

Set and action!

But, everything went smooth.

The van screeched to a halt.

A stuntman was thrown
out onto the ground,

doused with gasoline, lit on
fire. It was exactly right.

Bitchin'!

So, I yelled "cut."

Okay, cut! Fire out!

They put the guy out.

Okay, uh, let's go
to the Steadicam.

Except the guy didn't wait to
make sure he was completely out.

Next thing I know,
he's walking toward me.

Hey, great job.

Saying he had something
he wanted to show me.

And-and suddenly, he reignites!

Oh! Ah!

Geez whiz!

Burned my eyebrows off!

Okay, I know that
I say fuck a lot,

but not that fucking much.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I should have more
faith in myself.

I mean, it worked for you.

- You want a beer?
- Hit me.

- You finally got one of your scripts made.
- That's right. I did.

What is...?

- Ron, Ron, Ron-Ron...
- Ron-Ron.

Uh, we need to
find that stuntman.

Well, if you do, get my
shoes back for me, will ya?

He stole 'em right
outta my trailer.

I had to buy another pair.
I can't work without these.

They've got extra
cushioning in the heels.

- Same as on the radiator.
- That's our guy.

D-Do you remember his name?

Oh, I'll never forget him.

Rex Bailey.

I have a photo of
him, if that helps.

I always keep, uh, pictures
of people I ban from my sets.

Uh...

Oh, okay, here he is.

Huh?

That kinda looks like...

Yeah, but imagine with a beard.

And add some glasses.

And a dark bowl cut!

Oh, my God.

Whoa!

That was some flip!

You ever stunted before?

I'm trying to be a writer,

but I wouldn't say
no to getting on set.

Your first professional
fire stunt. Ah! Ready?

Fire out!

Okay, let's go to the
Steadicam, and I know I said...

Mr. Howard? Mr. Howard!

Hey, great job.

Would you read my screenplay?

Ah, when'd you grow
the beard, lassie?

What? It's you?

What are...

- Marshall?
- Hm?

Why does this script say it
was written by Sazz Pataki?