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1
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"Will & Grace" is recorded
in front of a live audience.
2
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Okay, Daddy. We'll see you soon.
3
00:00:07,817 --> 00:00:10,356
They're ten minutes away.
My dad stopped for a hot dog.
4
00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:13,679
- But I'm making dinner!
- Don't make a big thing about it!
5
00:00:13,703 --> 00:00:16,643
Our first meal together
since your dad married my mom,
6
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and he ruins it by eating beforehand?
7
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Who does that?
8
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- Grace, I'm making dinner!
- Don't make a big thing about it!
9
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Hey, look, don't stress. It's all good.
10
00:00:28,399 --> 00:00:29,976
We're taking care
of both parents in one swoop.
11
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,204
Yeah, that's true.
12
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It'll be nice to connect with your dad
13
00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:33,940
and for you to bond with my mom.
14
00:00:33,964 --> 00:00:35,382
Well, I'm already close with your mom.
15
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Yeah, you're listed in her phone
16
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as Will's Jewish friend.
17
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[DOOR SHUTS]
18
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Sorry, I'm just having a tough day.
19
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I just... need to see a friendly face.
20
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21
00:00:57,869 --> 00:00:59,871
Hello, beautiful.
22
00:01:01,673 --> 00:01:04,315
Who's the fairiest of them all?
23
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Is everything all right?
24
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Thank you.
25
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Thank you for asking.
26
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You've always been the nice one, Grace.
27
00:01:13,925 --> 00:01:15,383
Just emotionally, I'm just...
28
00:01:15,407 --> 00:01:16,544
you know, I'm kind of in the weeds.
29
00:01:16,568 --> 00:01:17,660
Your wedding stressing you out?
30
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Yeah, and my play, "Gaybraham Twinkin',"
31
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which "Time Out" magazine called
32
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"3 1/2 hours long."
33
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It's that long?
34
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It was four, but I cut out the scene
35
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of Abe manscaping.
36
00:01:32,665 --> 00:01:34,803
But it still isn't enough time
to cover the relationship
37
00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,869
between Abe and his gay lover, Joshua...
38
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Wait, you said you saw it.
39
00:01:39,352 --> 00:01:42,234
- We did.
- And we loved it.
40
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Prove it.
41
00:01:44,677 --> 00:01:45,894
If you saw it, how was I?
42
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- So good.
- So good.
43
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Okay, you saw it.
44
00:01:53,286 --> 00:01:55,424
But I don't even care!
45
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,450
I'm more worried about my wedding.
46
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I thought Karen was helping
you with the planning.
47
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That's the problem.
48
00:02:02,295 --> 00:02:04,594
She's doing everything,
and because she's paying for it,
49
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I don't get anything I want.
50
00:02:05,979 --> 00:02:06,996
Well, what's something you want
51
00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:08,061
that she won't let you have?
52
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- Can I show you?
- Yeah.
53
00:02:11,825 --> 00:02:13,603
- Is that a...
- It is.
54
00:02:13,627 --> 00:02:15,525
A unicorn dessert station.
55
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You choose your unicorn-themed cakes,
56
00:02:17,431 --> 00:02:18,968
mini-cakes, and profiteroles here,
57
00:02:18,992 --> 00:02:21,050
and then when you get
to the unicorn's horn...
58
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- It doesn't.
- [CORK POPS]
59
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It does!
60
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It shoots out marshmallow fluff!
61
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Out of its horn!
62
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All over your face!
63
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,428
It's what I dreamed
of having at my wedding
64
00:02:38,452 --> 00:02:40,060
ever since I was a little boy.
65
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Okay, first of all, that is gross.
66
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And you'll be first in line.
67
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Hell yes!
68
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Jack, come on!
69
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If you want it, just put your foot down.
70
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[SIGHS] I can't. She's paying.
71
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It's your wedding.
72
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I don't know. I'll do something.
73
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Look, I have to get to the theater.
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That is my life, after all.
75
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All right, well,
76
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break a leg.
77
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What a horrible thing to say.
78
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[DOOR SHUTS]
79
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[UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC]
80
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
81
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Martin, how's the brisket?
82
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Good! Very good.
83
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- Mm-hmm.
- So, Mom.
84
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Mom.
85
00:03:27,983 --> 00:03:29,120
Marilyn?
86
00:03:29,144 --> 00:03:30,777
Yes, Grace.
87
00:03:34,710 --> 00:03:37,529
S-so now that you and Dad
are living in the city,
88
00:03:37,553 --> 00:03:40,172
you think you're gonna sell
the Connecticut house?
89
00:03:40,196 --> 00:03:42,895
Oh... I don't know.
90
00:03:42,919 --> 00:03:44,696
It's very personal.
91
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:45,858
I get that. I suppose if I lived
92
00:03:45,882 --> 00:03:47,619
in one house for as many years...
93
00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:50,847
No, no, dear,
your question is very personal.
94
00:03:52,408 --> 00:03:53,706
I say we dump it.
95
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:54,906
Who wants to live in Connecticut?
96
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,494
It's so goyish.
The state flower is mayonnaise.
97
00:04:00,096 --> 00:04:02,515
Oh, the city is exciting.
98
00:04:02,539 --> 00:04:06,639
We saw Nathan Lane last week, buying gum!
99
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Mm!
100
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:10,483
Oh, why not? Let's sell it.
101
00:04:10,507 --> 00:04:13,046
Well, you made that decision
kind of fast, didn't you, Mom?
102
00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,048
I mean, I grew up in that house.
103
00:04:15,072 --> 00:04:18,771
Dad gave up on me in that yard.
104
00:04:18,795 --> 00:04:21,054
Well, if Martin's not crazy about it,
105
00:04:21,078 --> 00:04:22,736
why hang on to it?
106
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,018
Oh, besides, we could use the money
107
00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,780
to buy a summer place.
108
00:04:26,804 --> 00:04:29,062
- You want a summer place?
- It might be nice.
109
00:04:29,086 --> 00:04:31,569
Maybe something in Connecticut.
110
00:04:34,572 --> 00:04:35,989
All right, we'll do it!
111
00:04:36,013 --> 00:04:37,070
BOTH: Mwah.
112
00:04:37,094 --> 00:04:38,592
You see?
113
00:04:38,616 --> 00:04:39,993
That's the secret to a happy marriage.
114
00:04:40,017 --> 00:04:42,636
Not communication and date nights.
115
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:43,917
Acceptance.
116
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No fighting. Just accept.
117
00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:47,081
So what are you saying,
you two don't fight?
118
00:04:47,105 --> 00:04:49,883
Well, that was what
our first marriages were about.
119
00:04:49,907 --> 00:04:52,206
Now we prefer to be happy.
120
00:04:52,230 --> 00:04:53,928
- Mm. Ah. Ooh.
- What?
121
00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:55,649
Daddy? Are you all right?
122
00:04:55,673 --> 00:04:57,251
Yeah, maybe the brisket
was a little spicy.
123
00:04:57,275 --> 00:04:58,381
Nothing spicy in it.
124
00:04:58,405 --> 00:05:00,409
I thought it was spicy too, dear.
125
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:02,937
Ooh. Maybe a hot pepper.
126
00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:04,098
There's no peppers in it.
127
00:05:04,122 --> 00:05:06,140
Maybe a shard of glass.
128
00:05:06,164 --> 00:05:08,943
Yes, well, the recipe did
call for a cup of diced glass.
129
00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:10,144
- Ah!
- All right, that's it.
130
00:05:10,168 --> 00:05:11,706
We're going to the hospital. Come on.
131
00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:12,947
Where... where's his coat?
132
00:05:12,971 --> 00:05:14,108
Uh, it's on the couch, Mom.
133
00:05:14,132 --> 00:05:15,132
Now, where's his coat?
134
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,591
Mom, it's on the couch.
135
00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:17,792
Oh, he's gonna get cold.
136
00:05:17,816 --> 00:05:19,874
Somebody tell me where his coat is.
137
00:05:19,898 --> 00:05:21,836
Coat is on the couch, Marilyn.
138
00:05:21,860 --> 00:05:22,998
Thank you, Grace.
139
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:25,024
I don't know why that was so hard.
140
00:05:29,202 --> 00:05:32,422
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
141
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♪ ♪
142
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,706
♪ Joshua, oh, Joshua ♪
143
00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,789
♪ I love you, but, oh, my gosh-ua! ♪
144
00:05:39,813 --> 00:05:44,394
♪ What do you think of me? ♪
145
00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:46,796
♪ Me for your thoughts ♪
146
00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:49,239
♪ Me for your thoughts ♪
147
00:05:49,263 --> 00:05:50,520
♪ If you like 'em tall and round ♪
148
00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:52,642
♪ Then pick me up off the ground ♪
149
00:05:52,666 --> 00:05:54,771
♪ I'm a penny! ♪
150
00:06:00,595 --> 00:06:03,454
So that'll replace
the shadow puppet sequence,
151
00:06:03,478 --> 00:06:05,480
which the police made me cut.
152
00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:09,179
Good idea, honey. Keep changing it up.
153
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,781
It's what keeps me and the homeless man
154
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:13,148
who takes a dump in the lobby
coming back.
155
00:06:13,768 --> 00:06:16,387
Okay, now I'm gonna run lines
for the scene
156
00:06:16,411 --> 00:06:18,389
where Gaybraham tells
a sleeping Mary Todd
157
00:06:18,413 --> 00:06:20,511
that he's taking a fairy to Provincetown.
158
00:06:20,535 --> 00:06:23,825
And that fairy is his lovah,
Joshua Speed.
159
00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:26,758
[PHONE RINGING]
160
00:06:26,782 --> 00:06:28,880
What's up, wedding planner?
161
00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:30,601
A unicorn?
162
00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:32,375
That sprays what?
163
00:06:33,308 --> 00:06:34,753
Out of its where?
164
00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:37,005
All over your huh?
165
00:06:39,234 --> 00:06:42,133
Well, who the hell asked for that?
166
00:06:42,157 --> 00:06:43,575
That was me.
167
00:06:43,599 --> 00:06:44,990
Uh, I just thought
it'd be a hoot, you know, if,
168
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:46,818
Yeah, no, Poodle, it's ticky-tacky.
169
00:06:46,842 --> 00:06:51,463
And besides, I am paying
for everything, so yeah.
170
00:06:51,487 --> 00:06:53,785
Just do what you did
for Donald's inauguration,
171
00:06:53,809 --> 00:06:55,941
but we're expecting a few more people.
172
00:07:00,456 --> 00:07:02,274
Karen, maybe this one time,
we could just...
173
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:03,475
- Paying.
- It's just that...
174
00:07:03,499 --> 00:07:04,516
- For.
- Shouldn't we have...
175
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,759
- Everything.
- [SIGHS]
176
00:07:06,783 --> 00:07:08,681
Honey! Trust me.
177
00:07:08,705 --> 00:07:10,803
I know what's best for you.
178
00:07:10,827 --> 00:07:12,295
But you don't understand.
179
00:07:12,319 --> 00:07:14,887
My whole life, I have dreamed
of a unicorn that shoots out...
180
00:07:14,911 --> 00:07:17,874
- [PHONE BUZZES, DINGS]
- Come... on!
181
00:07:21,638 --> 00:07:23,656
Rory's sister can't make it tonight.
182
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,658
She's my Mary Todd!
183
00:07:25,682 --> 00:07:28,301
"Jack, due to circumstances
beyond my control,
184
00:07:28,325 --> 00:07:30,303
I don't want to do the show anymore."
185
00:07:30,327 --> 00:07:31,664
Great.
186
00:07:31,688 --> 00:07:33,506
The one night I have an esteemed critic
187
00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:35,532
from "Butt" magazine coming.
188
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:38,735
Two thumbs up from him
could make or break a show.
189
00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:42,876
Honey, can't you just talk
to a pile of pillows
190
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,759
or ask Doug the Bum to step in?
191
00:07:45,783 --> 00:07:48,642
I don't know. I feel weird asking Doug.
192
00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:50,203
He has a Tony.
193
00:07:51,348 --> 00:07:52,526
All right.
194
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:54,968
Here's what's going to happen.
195
00:07:54,992 --> 00:07:57,411
I'm going to play Mary Todd.
196
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,333
Oh, my God, you would do that for me?
197
00:07:59,357 --> 00:08:00,814
Because it's super easy.
All you have to do
198
00:08:00,838 --> 00:08:02,496
is lie there in bed with your eyes closed
199
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:03,817
and pretend like you're sleeping.
200
00:08:03,841 --> 00:08:04,978
Oh. Honey, no prob.
201
00:08:05,002 --> 00:08:06,540
That's what I used to do with Stan
202
00:08:06,564 --> 00:08:08,646
when he wanted to go to fifth base.
203
00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:12,787
You know... wouldn't it be better
204
00:08:12,811 --> 00:08:15,790
if Mary Todd had a couple of lines?
205
00:08:15,814 --> 00:08:17,792
[LAUGHS]
206
00:08:17,816 --> 00:08:19,553
It's a one-man show.
207
00:08:19,577 --> 00:08:22,236
And I'm the one man paying for it.
208
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:23,478
[LAUGHS]
209
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,680
And I appreciate that. I do.
210
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:27,321
But this play's very important to me,
211
00:08:27,345 --> 00:08:29,564
and I want it to be done
just the right way.
212
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:31,045
Uh, let me get this straight.
213
00:08:31,069 --> 00:08:34,609
You want it to be done...
just the right way.
214
00:08:34,633 --> 00:08:36,691
- Yeah.
- Okay.
215
00:08:36,715 --> 00:08:38,413
Well, I think we're on the same page.
216
00:08:38,437 --> 00:08:39,894
Oh. [LAUGHS]
217
00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:41,406
- Phew.
- [CHUCKLES]
218
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:43,578
I don't usually win
these standoffs with you.
219
00:08:43,602 --> 00:08:44,779
No.
220
00:08:44,803 --> 00:08:46,805
You usually don't.
221
00:08:49,088 --> 00:08:50,665
- Here.
- Thanks.
222
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:51,827
Gosh.
223
00:08:51,851 --> 00:08:54,069
This worked out so perfectly.
224
00:08:54,093 --> 00:08:55,951
My dad has AB-negative blood.
You're AB-negative.
225
00:08:55,975 --> 00:08:58,393
I know, and I've been wanting
to bond with your dad.
226
00:08:58,417 --> 00:09:00,516
Now I'm gonna donate my blood.
227
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,862
I'll literally be inside your father.
228
00:09:04,784 --> 00:09:07,443
- You want to rephrase that?
- So much. So much. Yeah.
229
00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:11,967
Well, this hero is off to save a life.
230
00:09:11,991 --> 00:09:13,849
Maybe I'll stop by the children's ward
231
00:09:13,873 --> 00:09:14,873
on the way back.
232
00:09:14,874 --> 00:09:16,456
They'd like that.
233
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,378
Hey, Daddy. How are you feeling?
234
00:09:22,402 --> 00:09:24,861
Eh, trying to figure out
how to swap this bag
235
00:09:24,885 --> 00:09:26,887
for a bottle of Chivas.
236
00:09:27,647 --> 00:09:28,785
Where's Marilyn?
237
00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:29,809
Oh, she's just filling out
238
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:31,027
some forms for the blood.
239
00:09:31,051 --> 00:09:32,789
Oh, I'm surprised they had my type.
240
00:09:32,813 --> 00:09:34,631
Oh, you must've been asleep.
241
00:09:34,655 --> 00:09:35,952
Will's giving you blood.
242
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,074
- Will?
- Yeah.
243
00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:40,837
He's AB-negative also.
I mean, isn't that amazing?
244
00:09:40,861 --> 00:09:42,919
- Well...
- "Well" what?
245
00:09:42,943 --> 00:09:44,721
I'm not taking Will's blood.
246
00:09:44,745 --> 00:09:46,843
- Why?
- You know why.
247
00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:49,126
- Because he's gay?
- Well, yeah!
248
00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,527
- Daddy!
- Look.
249
00:09:50,551 --> 00:09:51,608
I know about these things.
250
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,650
There's a certain risk, okay?
251
00:09:53,674 --> 00:09:55,652
He gets tested.
252
00:09:55,676 --> 00:09:58,495
Plus, they screen the blood. It's safe.
253
00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:00,410
Yeah, forget about it.
I'll wait for the straight blood.
254
00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:03,821
The straight blood.
255
00:10:03,845 --> 00:10:05,422
Daddy, that's the most offensive thing
256
00:10:05,446 --> 00:10:07,064
I've ever heard you say.
257
00:10:07,088 --> 00:10:10,260
And I've gone on
the It's a Small World ride with you.
258
00:10:12,013 --> 00:10:13,511
Please, Grace, stop, okay?
259
00:10:13,535 --> 00:10:14,832
I don't want to do this with you.
260
00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:17,555
We did the MeToo thing.
There was learning.
261
00:10:17,579 --> 00:10:18,579
I heard you.
262
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,077
But this is not the time.
263
00:10:20,101 --> 00:10:21,799
[SCOFFS]
264
00:10:21,823 --> 00:10:23,481
What am I supposed to tell Will?
265
00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:24,762
Let him think I took his blood.
266
00:10:24,786 --> 00:10:27,005
That's why Marilyn and I are so happy.
267
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:29,195
We don't have to discuss
every little thing.
268
00:10:30,072 --> 00:10:32,690
Okay, uh, Mr. Adler, have you taken
269
00:10:32,714 --> 00:10:35,613
any recreational drugs
in the last 24 hours?
270
00:10:35,637 --> 00:10:36,735
No.
271
00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:37,936
Great, I'll give you 20 bucks
272
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,057
to fill this up with your urine.
273
00:10:39,081 --> 00:10:41,083
Thanks.
274
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,320
There.
275
00:10:47,344 --> 00:10:51,164
Another log on the fire should
keep you warm, Mary Todd.
276
00:10:51,188 --> 00:10:53,046
And while you slumber,
277
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,289
I steal away with my beloved Joshua
278
00:10:56,313 --> 00:10:59,917
for a "work weekend" in Provincetown.
279
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,696
It's important to make the distinction...
280
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,177
I say hit the gym.
281
00:11:04,201 --> 00:11:06,820
I've seen you with your shirt off.
282
00:11:06,844 --> 00:11:08,742
[LAUGHTER]
283
00:11:08,766 --> 00:11:11,008
- Mary Todd.
- [GRUNTS]
284
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:14,348
She must be talking in her sleep.
285
00:11:14,372 --> 00:11:16,854
Which she oughtn't hadn't
better be doing!
286
00:11:19,097 --> 00:11:21,996
Where was I? Uh... beach, top, bottom.
287
00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:23,077
Oh, yeah.
288
00:11:23,101 --> 00:11:24,919
And now...
289
00:11:24,943 --> 00:11:27,361
I must pack my beards.
290
00:11:27,385 --> 00:11:30,725
But which beard shall I bring with me?
291
00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:32,751
Not this one.
292
00:11:34,516 --> 00:11:36,050
Our carriage shall arrive at any...
293
00:11:36,074 --> 00:11:37,892
I'm going with you.
294
00:11:37,916 --> 00:11:39,213
We can stop and go antiquing,
295
00:11:39,237 --> 00:11:41,336
which will probably be a lot cheaper
296
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,362
because everything's new.
297
00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:47,182
Nay, Mary Todd.
298
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,064
You cannot-eth come.
299
00:11:49,088 --> 00:11:50,265
Now, back to bed.
300
00:11:50,289 --> 00:11:51,386
Ah!
301
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:53,788
Yeah? And who's paying for it?
302
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:55,270
In fact, who's paying
303
00:11:55,294 --> 00:11:57,897
for your whole P-Town sausage party?
304
00:11:58,978 --> 00:12:01,356
Why, it's me, Mary Todd.
305
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,382
I'm paying for everything.
306
00:12:05,264 --> 00:12:06,401
- Mary Todd...
- Paying.
307
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:07,963
- It's just that...
- For.
308
00:12:07,987 --> 00:12:09,284
- Shouldn't we have...
- Everything!
309
00:12:09,308 --> 00:12:11,310
That's it!
310
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:13,929
I don't want your money!
311
00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:15,291
I don't want you to pay for my play!
312
00:12:15,315 --> 00:12:17,317
I don't want you to pay
for my damn wedding!
313
00:12:19,199 --> 00:12:20,816
To Joshua.
314
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,819
[FREEWHEELING PIANO MUSIC]
315
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,101
♪ ♪
316
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:27,023
Hey! How's your dad doing?
317
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,105
Good. Great, actually.
318
00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:30,907
They're gonna release him this afternoon.
319
00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:33,549
Really? Well, maybe that's
'cause he's got my blood
320
00:12:33,573 --> 00:12:35,111
coursing through his veins.
321
00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:37,193
- Will.
- Hey, keep an eye on him.
322
00:12:37,217 --> 00:12:39,435
Side effects may include
compulsive tweezing,
323
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,461
overdeveloped quads...
324
00:12:42,342 --> 00:12:43,960
And the urge to take shirtless selfies
325
00:12:43,984 --> 00:12:45,986
in front of national monuments.
326
00:12:47,107 --> 00:12:48,845
My dad didn't use your blood.
327
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,126
What?
328
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:52,152
He had a problem with...
329
00:12:54,154 --> 00:12:56,157
He didn't want to use your blood.
330
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,596
Ah.
331
00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:02,259
Right.
332
00:13:02,283 --> 00:13:03,580
Well, I...
333
00:13:03,604 --> 00:13:05,062
am off to bed.
334
00:13:05,086 --> 00:13:06,423
Will, I get it, and the second
335
00:13:06,447 --> 00:13:07,447
he is feeling better,
336
00:13:07,448 --> 00:13:08,702
you need to lay into him.
337
00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:10,147
He has to understand...
338
00:13:10,171 --> 00:13:11,348
He thinks how he thinks.
339
00:13:11,372 --> 00:13:13,190
I'm not gonna say anything.
340
00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:15,392
Are you kidding?
Since when are you defeatist?
341
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:17,595
- Don't do that.
- What? Aren't you mad?
342
00:13:17,619 --> 00:13:19,621
No, Grace.
343
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,493
I'm tired.
344
00:13:23,505 --> 00:13:25,563
W-why do I have to lead the fight?
345
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:28,326
What, every time somebody says
something remotely antigay,
346
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,128
I have to jump in?
347
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,130
I've marched. I've written the checks.
348
00:13:32,154 --> 00:13:34,332
I've made the calls.
349
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,174
But every time you think
350
00:13:36,198 --> 00:13:39,017
you can exhale
and have your big gay party,
351
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:41,019
somebody tells you
352
00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:43,045
they won't bake your cake.
353
00:13:44,927 --> 00:13:45,927
I'm not being defeatist.
354
00:13:45,928 --> 00:13:46,928
I just don't want to
355
00:13:46,929 --> 00:13:48,987
have to defend who I am
356
00:13:49,011 --> 00:13:50,355
all the time.
357
00:13:51,053 --> 00:13:52,440
I want a day off.
358
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:56,234
Your dad's not gonna change, Grace,
359
00:13:56,258 --> 00:13:59,157
so accept it.
360
00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:02,024
I hear that's the secret
of a happy relationship.
361
00:14:03,266 --> 00:14:06,245
[MELLOW PIANO MUSIC]
362
00:14:06,269 --> 00:14:07,366
♪ ♪
363
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:10,416
Honey, are you still mad at me?
364
00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:12,411
I'm not even sure what happened.
365
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,414
Maybe it was my fault.
Maybe it was yours.
366
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,440
Often, it's the writing.
367
00:14:20,043 --> 00:14:22,541
Do you really not want me
to come to your wedding?
368
00:14:22,565 --> 00:14:25,384
Interesting. That's the first
time you asked what I want.
369
00:14:25,408 --> 00:14:27,707
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
370
00:14:27,731 --> 00:14:29,388
It's just that I love you so much,
371
00:14:29,412 --> 00:14:32,031
I want everything
to be perfect for you...
372
00:14:32,055 --> 00:14:33,953
your play, your wedding.
373
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:36,380
I guess I've always thought of you as...
374
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:45,618
Oh, this is... really hard to say.
375
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:50,090
I've always thought of you as my...
376
00:14:50,114 --> 00:14:51,624
Son?
377
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,118
Not exactly.
378
00:14:55,119 --> 00:14:58,699
No, more like a little sister
379
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:00,621
who we dressed as a boy
380
00:15:00,645 --> 00:15:03,261
until she became a boy.
381
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,306
But, Karen, it's only a perfect wedding
382
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:08,108
if it's my perfect.
383
00:15:08,132 --> 00:15:10,230
Honey, I hear you.
384
00:15:10,254 --> 00:15:13,394
But it would kill me not to be
able to come to your wedding.
385
00:15:13,938 --> 00:15:15,476
Of course you'll come.
386
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,502
Thanks, honey.
387
00:15:18,423 --> 00:15:20,081
Do you think you two queerbaits
388
00:15:20,105 --> 00:15:21,562
could still find it in your hearts
389
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,684
to let me pay for it?
390
00:15:23,708 --> 00:15:26,607
I sure would like to be
the gal who's responsible
391
00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:30,329
for giving everyone a face full
of sweet sticky cream.
392
00:15:33,318 --> 00:15:35,336
Oh, my God, this is gonna be
the most beautiful wedding.
393
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,362
[GASPS]
394
00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:40,582
Hey, tonight wasn't a total disaster.
395
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,223
The arts critic from "Butt" magazine
396
00:15:42,247 --> 00:15:44,225
said he wants to give me
a plug and a spread.
397
00:15:44,249 --> 00:15:47,228
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
398
00:15:47,252 --> 00:15:48,310
♪ ♪
399
00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:49,471
[DOG BARKS]
400
00:15:49,495 --> 00:15:53,139
♪ ♪
401
00:15:56,968 --> 00:15:58,826
To my William.
402
00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,267
Oh, we are so grateful
403
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:01,789
for everything you've done.
404
00:16:01,813 --> 00:16:03,791
Well, maybe not the, uh, spicy meal
405
00:16:03,815 --> 00:16:05,433
that put Martin in the hospital.
406
00:16:05,457 --> 00:16:07,779
Salt. The spice was salt.
407
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:12,960
But definitely
your giving your blood to him.
408
00:16:12,984 --> 00:16:15,123
You saved my husband's life.
409
00:16:15,147 --> 00:16:17,125
- You're a hell of a guy.
- Yeah. Happy to help.
410
00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:18,286
- Oh, my God.
- Grace.
411
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,310
- [DEVICE PINGS]
- Mm!
412
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,408
I gotta take a pill.
413
00:16:20,432 --> 00:16:21,769
- [DEVICE PINGS]
- Oh!
414
00:16:21,793 --> 00:16:23,171
I gotta take two pills.
415
00:16:23,195 --> 00:16:25,373
Have I sold you kids yet on getting old?
416
00:16:25,397 --> 00:16:27,399
'Cause it's great!
417
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,139
- I'd like to give him a pill.
- Stop.
418
00:16:31,163 --> 00:16:33,301
Why are you two being so snippy?
419
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,665
Oh, is it because I didn't
thank you in my toast, Grace?
420
00:16:36,689 --> 00:16:38,971
Because you really didn't do that much.
421
00:16:42,174 --> 00:16:45,153
- Everything's fine, Mother.
- It's not fine.
422
00:16:45,177 --> 00:16:47,115
Your husband refused
to take Will's blood.
423
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:48,139
- Grace.
- What?
424
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:49,158
Because he's gay.
425
00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:50,827
Is that true, Will?
426
00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:53,242
Did he say that?
427
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,004
Yeah.
428
00:16:55,028 --> 00:16:57,887
- Is there an issue?
- Of course not.
429
00:16:57,911 --> 00:17:00,009
Well, why? Why didn't you tell me?
430
00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:02,331
I'm just taking a page
from your book, Mom.
431
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,054
Life is easier
when everything's not a fight.
432
00:17:05,078 --> 00:17:06,455
Look, it's done.
433
00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:08,217
We don't have to talk about it.
434
00:17:08,241 --> 00:17:09,699
Of course.
435
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:11,220
- [TOILET FLUSHES]
- Why is it your soaps
436
00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:13,262
never look like they've been used?
437
00:17:13,286 --> 00:17:15,024
You awful, awful man.
438
00:17:15,048 --> 00:17:16,727
It's just an observation.
439
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:20,750
You refused to take my son's blood?
440
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:22,872
- Mom, you don't have to...
- Oh, yes, I do.
441
00:17:22,896 --> 00:17:25,315
We are going to have a big,
442
00:17:25,339 --> 00:17:29,303
bold, loud, ethnic fight right now!
443
00:17:30,544 --> 00:17:32,042
Grace, this is your area.
444
00:17:32,066 --> 00:17:33,661
What do I do next?
445
00:17:34,388 --> 00:17:35,846
Just go for it.
446
00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:37,207
And throw in something you'll regret.
447
00:17:37,231 --> 00:17:38,457
I always do.
448
00:17:39,513 --> 00:17:41,932
You should be ashamed of yourself!
449
00:17:41,956 --> 00:17:44,134
And you should be too, Will.
450
00:17:44,158 --> 00:17:45,936
- Me?
- Yes.
451
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,859
There are some things in life
that you have to fight about.
452
00:17:48,883 --> 00:17:50,100
You know, everyone seems to forget,
453
00:17:50,124 --> 00:17:52,142
I just got out of the hospital.
454
00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:54,449
And I had to give that nurse
a urine sample!
455
00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:58,213
And two of her friends!
456
00:17:59,894 --> 00:18:00,951
I need some air!
457
00:18:00,975 --> 00:18:02,473
Oh, no, you come back here!
458
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,115
I have more to say!
459
00:18:04,139 --> 00:18:05,356
Oh, yes, you do.
460
00:18:05,380 --> 00:18:06,517
Hey, guys.
461
00:18:06,541 --> 00:18:08,196
Guys.
462
00:18:09,104 --> 00:18:10,573
Thank you both.
463
00:18:11,426 --> 00:18:12,867
But you're right.
464
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,470
I need to do this part.
465
00:18:17,432 --> 00:18:19,332
Boy, that was a rush.
466
00:18:20,115 --> 00:18:22,477
Must be what an Italian feels like.
467
00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:30,181
Wonderful. Time for another
lesson for the old man.
468
00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:31,543
I don't want to hear it.
469
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:33,387
Yeah, well, I don't want to say it.
470
00:18:34,129 --> 00:18:35,129
Look, I was in the hospital.
471
00:18:35,130 --> 00:18:37,109
I wasn't comfortable.
472
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,990
It was nothing personal.
473
00:18:39,014 --> 00:18:41,353
It's the most personal thing
in the world!
474
00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:43,355
I was trying to help you, Martin.
475
00:18:43,379 --> 00:18:46,118
But I guess 'cause I'm gay,
I'm not, what, clean?
476
00:18:46,142 --> 00:18:48,040
Come on. You're freakishly clean.
477
00:18:48,064 --> 00:18:51,443
Is there anything in your house
that hasn't been washed twice?
478
00:18:51,467 --> 00:18:52,965
Well, your daughter,
479
00:18:52,989 --> 00:18:55,111
but that's a different conversation.
480
00:18:56,833 --> 00:18:58,090
Come on.
481
00:18:58,114 --> 00:18:59,852
A blood transfusion from a gay man?
482
00:18:59,876 --> 00:19:01,013
I thought there were rules.
483
00:19:01,037 --> 00:19:02,455
Oh, there are.
484
00:19:02,479 --> 00:19:05,137
In order to donate my blood,
I had to lie on the form
485
00:19:05,161 --> 00:19:07,179
and say that I've been
celibate for a year,
486
00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:09,422
even though I've been in a committed
487
00:19:09,446 --> 00:19:12,305
monogamous relationship and HIV-negative.
488
00:19:12,329 --> 00:19:15,268
You lied on the form? So I was right.
489
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:17,150
No, you're not, because the law
490
00:19:17,174 --> 00:19:19,512
is based on fear, not science.
491
00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:22,155
Trust me, nobody spends
more of their lives
492
00:19:22,179 --> 00:19:24,277
thinking about being safe than gay men.
493
00:19:24,301 --> 00:19:26,960
We get tested and retested.
494
00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:28,962
On a first date,
we swap medical histories
495
00:19:28,986 --> 00:19:31,124
the way straight people
swap pictures of themselves
496
00:19:31,148 --> 00:19:33,470
at the same Ed Sheeran concert.
497
00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:37,210
And even when we have
nine kinds of proof,
498
00:19:37,234 --> 00:19:39,172
we're still told we're tainted.
499
00:19:39,196 --> 00:19:41,664
And to hear that from someone
that I care about,
500
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:43,337
well, that's a punch in the gut.
501
00:19:43,361 --> 00:19:46,180
- I am not a bad person.
- I know.
502
00:19:46,204 --> 00:19:49,663
You made a misguided choice
based on bad information.
503
00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,809
You're every woman that gets bangs.
504
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,072
I guess the good news is that
505
00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:01,075
all the old, ignorant farts
of the world will be gone soon.
506
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:04,318
Not good enough. You're here now, Martin.
507
00:20:04,342 --> 00:20:06,230
You gotta keep growing.
508
00:20:07,065 --> 00:20:09,043
And I gotta keep fighting.
509
00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:10,404
Nobody gets a day off.
510
00:20:10,428 --> 00:20:12,431
Sounds exhausting.
511
00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:16,907
I'm sorry, Will.
512
00:20:18,237 --> 00:20:19,869
I love you, you know that.
513
00:20:20,639 --> 00:20:22,257
I do.
514
00:20:22,281 --> 00:20:23,458
I love you too.
515
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,220
I promise to take your blood
516
00:20:25,244 --> 00:20:27,262
next time you try
to kill me with spicy food.
517
00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:30,225
It was plain meat boiled for eight hours!
518
00:20:30,249 --> 00:20:32,067
You ever think maybe it was
that hot dog you ate?
519
00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:34,854
Nah. I've had three of those
every day for 30 years.
520
00:20:37,256 --> 00:20:38,593
You did great, Marilyn.
521
00:20:38,617 --> 00:20:40,315
Thank you.
522
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:43,078
And you can call me Mom.
523
00:20:43,102 --> 00:20:44,480
Really?
524
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:45,961
Yeah, but just when we're alone.
525
00:20:45,985 --> 00:20:47,355
Oh.
526
00:20:49,188 --> 00:20:52,735
And, uh, will you try
to read my mood first?
527
00:20:53,273 --> 00:20:55,475
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]
527
00:20:56,305 --> 00:21:02,773
Craving big poker? Feast your eyes on Venom.
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