Original subtitles

HEY, WARREN.

HEY, GOOBER.

JUST CHANGED ANOTHER TIRE.

ANDY BEEN IN YET?

NO, NOT YET.

ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?

OH, I JUST WANTED TO TELL HIM

I CAN GREASE HIS SQUAD CAR AROUND 11:00

IF HE WASN'T GONNA USE IT.

JUST LEAVE A NOTE ON THE DESK.

THAT WAY THERE WON'T BE ANY CHANCE FOR A SLIPUP.

COULDN'T YOU JUST TELL HIM? LEAVE A NOTE, GOOBER.

YOU SURE BELIEVE IN DOING THINGS RIGHT, DON'T YOU, WARREN?

WHEN YOU'VE SPENT 16 WEEKS IN THE SHERIFF'S ACADEMY,

AS I HAVE, YOU'LL LEARN THINGS.

YOU'LL LEARN WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND WHAT IS NOT IMPORTANT.

THEY TEACH YOU SUPPOSED TO LEAVE NOTES.

THEY TAUGHT ME THAT EFFICIENCY IS A DEPUTY'S DUTY.

OH.

AND I HAPPEN TO PRIDE MYSELF

ON EFFICIENCY.

I WAS FOURTH IN MY CLASS.

THAT'S HOW I HAPPENED TO GET THIS JOB

RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY.

I GUESS BEING FLOYD LAWSON'S NEPHEW DIDN'T HURT NONE.

OH, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT ONE.

GOOBER, LET'S CLEAR THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE NEVER, EVER USED MY FAMILY TIES.

A MAN WHO CAN'T GET AHEAD ON HIS OWN ISN'T WORTH HIS SALT.

THAT'S ANOTHER THING THEY TAUGHT ME

AT THE SHERIFF'S ACADEMY.

"DEAR ANDY,

"DO YOU WANT THE SQUAD CAR GREASED?

YOURS TRULY, GOOBER."

IS THAT ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S FINE, GOOBER.

WELL, AIN'T NO DATE ON IT.

JUST SET IT DOWN ON THE DESK, GOOBER.

WONDER WHAT THEY WANT WITH ANDY.

WHO'S THAT?

"BELMONT PICTURES STUDIO, HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA."

WHAT ARE THEY WRITING HIM FOR?

I HAVE NO IDEA

AND, FRANKLY, GOOBER, THAT IS NONE OF OUR BEESWAX.

WHAT ARE YOU SMELLING IT FOR?

THERE'S NO SCENT TO IT; IT'S A BUSINESS LETTER.

IT LOOKS IMPORTANT.

WHEN'S HE COMING BACK?

NO IDEA.

KNOW WHAT MY GRANDMA USED TO DO WITH LETTERS?

STEAMED THEM OPEN WITH A TEA KETTLE.

BOY, SHE WAS SLICK.

COULDN'T EVEN TELL SHE'D DONE IT.

WELL, THAT'S AN OLD TRICK.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR SHARPIES DO

WHEN THEY WANT TO SEE WHAT'S INSIDE A LETTER, DON'T YOU?

NO. HUH?

NO. HUH?

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU WHAT WE CALL A VISUAL DEMONSTRATION.

NOW, YOUR SHARPIES HOLD IT UP TO THE LIGHT

SO THEY CAN READ RIGHT THROUGH IT.

THIS IS VERY ILLEGAL, GOOBER.

THEY HOLD IT UP THERE LIKE THIS.

DO YOU SEE ANYTHING?

Warren: NOT YET.

Goober: SWITCH HER AROUND A LITTLE BIT.

OH, YEAH.

SOMETHING'S COMING THROUGH.

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

I CAN'T MAKE IT OUT YET.

MAYBE I CAN HELP.

OH, HI, ANDY.

I WAS JUST SHOWING GOOBER HERE

THE WAY THE SHARPIES LOOK IN OTHER PEOPLE'S MAIL.

TERRIBLE PRACTICE-- VERY COMMON, TOO.

SO I SEE.

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE, GOOBER.

IT'S AGAINST THE LAW. YOU MIGHT PASS THE INFORMATION.

HOW ARE THINGS, ANDY?

FINE.

ANY PARTICULAR LETTER YOU WERE USING?

UH, NO, I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE, ANDY.

YOU DID, TOO.

IT WAS THE ONE FROM BELMONT FILM STUDIOS,

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA.

YOU GUYS WANNA FIND SOMETHING TO DO?

UH, YOU WANNA FIND SOMETHING TO DO, GOOBER?

HMPH.

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

THAT'S A CHECK FOR $1 MILLION.

$1 MILLION?

IT'S $1,000.

WITH ALL THEM ZEROS?

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

WHAT'S IT FOR, ANDY?

SOMETIME BACK, THERE WAS A PIECE WRITTEN ON ME

IN A MAGAZINE CALLED "SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN"

AND THIS BELMONT PICTURE COMPANY

IS GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF IT

AND THEY'RE SENDING ME $1,000 FOR THE RIGHTS.

OOH, A PICTURE ABOUT YOUR LIFE!

THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING, ISN'T IT?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE MONEY?

I DON'T KNOW.

WANT YOUR CAR GREASED?

NO, THANK YOU.

GOOBER, DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY ABOUT THIS.

GOTCHA.

OKAY.

I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND TELL THE FAMILY.

THEY'LL GET A BIG KICK OUT OF IT, ANDY.

YEAH.

DON'T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE!

A CHECK FOR $1,000.

PA, DOES THIS MAKE US RICH?

OH, NO, NOT RICH.

BUT WE'RE CERTAINLY BETTER OFF THAN WE WERE BEFORE.

OH, MY GOODNESS SAKES ALIVE.

MY, THOSE MOVIE COMPANIES

MUST HAVE A LOT OF MONEY TO SPEND.

$1,000.

I GUESS THEY'RE NOT CHINTZY.

ARE YOU GONNA BE FAMOUS, PA?

OH, NO, NO.

THEY SENT THIS 'CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA USE MY NAME

AND THE FACT THAT I DON'T WEAR A GUN.

I'M GONNA CALL CLARA...

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T.

WHAT'S THE FUN OF HAVING MONEY

IF YOU DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT?

LET'S JUST KIND OF KEEP IT TO OURSELVES.

WELL, AS YOU SAY.

OKAY.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION, PA?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BUY WITH THE MONEY?

WELL, I'D FIGURE WE PUT THIS RIGHT IN THE BANK.

AW, GEE.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--

A DOLLAR SAVED IS A DOLLAR EARNED.

OH, ANDY, YOU SHOULD SPEND SOME OF IT.

WELL, WHY? WE DON'T NEED ANYTHING.

WHAT'S THE FUN OF BUYING THINGS YOU NEED?

WHAT?

NO.

BUY SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY

AND THEN IT'S A... WHAT DO THEY SAY?

A BLAST!

OH, NO.

NO, NO.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO PUT THIS RIGHT IN THE BANK.

THAT WAY WE KNOW WHERE IT IS.

YEAH.

'COURSE, I GUESS WE OUGHT TO CELEBRATE.

WHY DON'T WE HAVE HELEN OVER TO SUPPER?

FINE.

COULD WE HAVE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM, PA?

SURE.

AND LET'S START OFF WITH A CRABMEAT COCKTAIL.

AT LEAST LET'S DO SOMETHING CRAZY.

OHH...

LOOK AT THAT.

1-0-0-0.

WHEW!

WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?

THEY WANNA SEE THE CHECK.

GOOBER...

ANDY, IT AIN'T MY FAULT.

YOU TOLD ME NOT TO SPREAD IT AROUND, AND I DIDN'T.

I JUST TOLD FLOYD, MR. SLUMMER AND GEORGE

OVER AT THE TV STORE

AND I WARNED THEM IT WAS A SECRET

BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST BLABBERMOUTHS.

I SEE.

CAN WE SEE IT, ANDY?

All: YEAH!

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

WELL...

All: OH!

LET ME SEE.

DON'T TOUCH IT.

NOW, BOYS,

THEM ZEROS IS THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING.

AND THIS CAME ALL THE WAY FROM HOLLYWOOD, DIDN'T IT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

OH, THAT'S AMAZING.

AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY

THAT SIGNED IT RIGHT HERE.

I SUPPOSE.

UH-HUH. YEAH.

ART SPIEGEL.

IT'S TOO BAD YOU CAN'T SAVE THAT SIGNATURE.

IT MIGHT BE WORTH SOMETHING SOMEDAY.

YEAH, IT MIGHT.

UH, GOOBER...

OH. THAT'S RIGHT, BOYS.

NOW, YOU'VE SEEN THE CHECK.

SO EVERYBODY OUT.

I'LL SEE YOU, BOYS.

THANKS FOR COMING.

ME AND THE SHERIFF SHOWED YOU THE CHECK.

EVERYBODY OUT.

PEOPLE JUST GOT TO KNOW

EVERYBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

WITH THE CHECK, ANDY?

I DON'T KNOW, GOOBER.

I GOT A '58 CONVERTIBLE AT THE STATION

PERFECT SHAPE, JUST LIKE IT'S OFF THE ASSEMBLY LINE.

$600-- THAT'LL LEAVE $400 FOR REPAIRS.

NO, GOOBER.

HE DON'T NEED IT.

HE'S GOT THE SQUAD CAR.

A MAN DOESN'T WANT TO THROW HIS MONEY AWAY.

RIGHT, ANDY?

RIGHT, FLOYD.

I JUST THOUGHT IT'D BE A NICE CAR FOR YOU.

I DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING BY IT.

THAT'S OKAY, GOOBER.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU.

RIGHT.

SAY, ANDY, WHILE I'VE GOT YOU HERE...

YOU KNOW THOSE TWO ACRES THAT I'VE GOT

OVER ON THE NORTH SIDE?

YES, FLOYD.

WELL, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SPOT.

FILL IN THAT SWAMP, IT'D BE A PARADISE.

MM-HMM.

WELL, I HAVEN'T MENTIONED THIS TO A SOUL

BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT LETTING THAT GO.

NO, FLOYD.

AT $200 AN ACRE.

NO, FLOYD.

OF COURSE, IF IT HAPPENED TO BE A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE,

OH, I'D SHAVE IT TO $150.

NO, FLOYD.

IF ANYBODY ELSE...

FLOYD, I DON'T WANT IT.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND NOW.

JUST ONE OF THESE DAYS, PUT YOUR WADING BOOTS ON

AND GO OVER AND HAVE A LOOK AT IT.

BOY, I SURE LIKE CRABMEAT.

MMM. IT'S DELICIOUS.

COULD WE HAVE THIS EVERY NIGHT FOR SUPPER?

WELL, THIS IS KIND OF A SPECIAL OCCASION, OPE.

BUT WE'LL HAVE IT AGAIN SOMETIME, WON'T WE, AUNT BEE?

ANYTIME YOU SAY, ANDY.

I JUST LOVE IT.

OH, THIS HAS BEEN QUITE A DAY.

OH, EXCITING.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

WITH THE MONEY?

PUT IT IN THE BANK.

PUT IT IN THE BANK?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT?

SPLURGE. DO SOMETHING CRAZY.

WE HAD CRABMEAT TONIGHT.

AND THAT'S ABOUT AS CRAZY AS WE'LL GO.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU LIVE IT UP A LITTLE?

YEAH, PA, LET'S LIVE IT UP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PEOPLE TOOK A TRIP?

WELL, WE TAKE TRIPS.

WE GO UP TO RALEIGH EVERY NOW AND THEN.

AND-AND WE DROVE UP TO ASHEVILLE THAT TIME, 'MEMBER?

WHEN YOUR COUSIN BECAME A MASON.

CAN WE TAKE A TRIP, PA?

CAN WE, AUNT BEE?

WELL, IT'S ENTIRELY UP TO YOUR FATHER, DEAR.

WELL, I SUPPOSE WE COULD TAKE A LITTLE OF THE MONEY

AND TAKE A LITTLE TRIP.

WANNA GO OVER TO PARKINSON'S FALLS?

IT'S NICE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

AND OPIE HASN'T BEEN THERE SINCE HE WAS A BABY.

MM-HMM.

WELL, YOU WANNA DRIVE UP TO ASHEVILLE AGAIN,

SEE COUSIN EDVIN MOORE?

HE'S A GRAND MASTER NOW.

WELL...

WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS?

WELL, LET ME THINK. UM...

HOW ABOUT HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA?

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA?!

THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.

WELL, THEY'RE MAKING THAT MOVIE ABOUT YOU OUT THERE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE A LOOK AT THE PLACE?

AND WE CAN SEE ALL THE MOVIE STARS

LIKE JOHN WAYNE, ELVIS PRESLEY AND FABIAN.

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA.

WOULDN'T THAT BE THRILLING?

WELL, THAT'S 3,000 MILES AWAY.

5 1/2 HOURS BY PLANE.

AND THE MONEY.

OH, WELL, THAT $1,000 WAS FOUND MONEY.

YEAH, PA, PLEASE, PLEASE?

WAIT. WE'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THIS.

WE'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THIS A LOT.

YES, OF COURSE.

I MEAN, WE JUST CAN'T GET ON AN AIRPLANE

AND GO TO HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA.

WHY, WE WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO STAY OR WHERE OR ANYTHING.

IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME.

WHAT'S THAT?

I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME LITERATURE

ABOUT HOLLYWOOD.

RIGHT HERE.

HERE'S ALL OUR ANSWERS.

THERE YOU ARE.

OPIE, YOU WANT TO LOOK AT THAT?

LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

THERE YOU ARE.

OH, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

LOOK AT THIS.

ISN'T THAT LOVELY?

RIGHT HERE IS WHERE WE COULD STAY.

Helen: OH, THAT'S MARVELOUS.

OH, HI, AUNT BEE.

OH, HELLO, ANDY.

WELL, JUST BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR SUNGLASSES.

HMM? OH, OH.

WELL, I FIND THEM VERY RESTFUL.

IN THE HOUSE?

ANDY, DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO LOOK AT THOSE FOLDERS?

OH, YEAH.

I WENT OVER THEM PRETTY CAREFUL.

BOY, THEY GOT SOME BEAUTIFUL PLACES OUT THERE.

PRICES TO MATCH.

WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY AT THE MOST EXPENSIVE.

YEAH. I HOPE WE'RE NOT BITIN' OFF MORE THAN WE CAN CHEW.

I DON'T KNOW HOW SMART IT IS

FOR US TO BE TAKING OPIE OUT OF SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING.

HELEN SAYS HE'S DOING JUST FINE,

AND SHE CAN OUTLINE THE WORK, AND HE CAN KEEP UP.

WELL, I GUESS.

LEAVING WARREN IN CHARGE OF THE OFFICE.

WELL, HE SEEMS LIKE A VERY CAPABLE YOUNG MAN.

A MAN JUST OUT OF SHERIFF'S ACADEMY, HE'S INEXPERIENCED.

OH, BUT HE'S SO ANXIOUS TO MAKE GOOD,

AND, YOU KNOW, THAT CAN BE VERY IMPORTANT.

WELL, YEAH, HE TRIES HARD.

AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING HE'S UNFAMILIAR WITH,

HE HAS FLOYD AND GOOBER RIGHT THERE TO HELP HIM.

THANKS.

OH, STOP WORRYING, ANDY.

IT'LL WORK OUT JUST FINE.

WELL, AND GETTING READY FOR THE TRIP AND EVERYTHING.

I JUST DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU MAKE SO MUCH OUT OF IT.

ALL YOU DO IS THROW A FEW THINGS IN A BAG, AND OFF WE GO.

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

WELL, I HOPE SO.

AND THE MINUTE YOU GET ON THAT PLANE,

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO RELAX. YEAH.

NOW, LET'S SEE. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?

STOP THE MILK AND THE NEWSPAPERS.

I THINK YOU BETTER STOP AND GET A FEW MORE WHITE SHIRTS. YEAH.

AND YOU'LL GET THE PLANE TICKETS AND THE FILM FOR THE CAMERA?

YES, MA'AM. MM-HMM.

AND ASK JASON TO SEW BACK THE HANDLE ON THE BROWN VALISE.

AND JUDD -- JUDD BETTER WATER THE LAWN WHILE WE'RE GONE.

YOU'VE SEEN 'EM; NOW LET ME HAVE 'EM.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEY, ANDY.

THEY WANTED TO SEE YOUR HOLLYWOOD TRAVEL FOLDERS.

WELL...

UH, MOST OF US FEEL YOU OUGHT TO STAY

AT THE STAR BRIGHT HOTEL.

THEY GOT TV IN EVERY ROOM

AND YOU GET THE MORNING NEWSPAPER FREE

FROM THE COURTESY OF THE MANAGEMENT.

AND COMPLIMENTARY SHOESHINE RAG...

AND SHOWER CAP.

WELL, WE'LL TAKE ALL OF THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

NOW, BOYS, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

I GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

THAT'S RIGHT. COME ON, EVERYBODY OUT.

EVERYBODY OUT.

THEY'VE GOT TO HAVE

THEIR NOSE IN EVERYTHING.

YEAH.

THEY SURE GOT SOME GREAT PLACES

OUT THERE, THOUGH.

SAY, HERE'S ANOTHER NICE PLACE OUT THERE.

OOH. "DELIGHTFUL GOURMET CUISINE

"IN THE ZOMBIE ROOM

AND LUXURIOUS ORTHOPEDIC MATTRESSES."

ORTHOPEDIC MATTRESSES...

"AT NIGHT

"SWAY TO THE MARACA RHYTHMS OF JOSE GONZALEZ

"WHILE THE WIND WHISTLES SEDUCTIVELY

"THROUGH THE COCOA PALM.

COME TO LIFE UNDER THE STAR-STUDDED CALIFORNIA SKY."

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD ONE; WHICH ONE IS THAT?

UH...UH...

SENIOR CITIZEN'S LODGE.

ON ROUTE 66.

OH.

LISTEN, GUYS, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME

I GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ANDY.

YOU WON'T BOTHER US NONE.

HI, UNCLE FLOYD.

OH, WARREN.

KEEPING BUSY?

OH, SURE. THERE'S LOTS TO DO IN THIS TOWN.

YOU MIGHT GET EVEN BUSIER.

THE SHERIFF'S GOING TO HOLLYWOOD ON A VACATION.

HOLLYWOOD?

GUESS THAT MEANS YOU'LL BE IN CHARGE OF THE OFFICE.

I GUESS IT DOES.

THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, BOY?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

DON'T KID ME.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRAINED FOR.

OH, THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

YOU'RE A LAWSON, ALL RIGHT.

WHEN DUTY CALLS, WE'RE ALWAYS READY.

I'D BETTER GET INSIDE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, UNCLE FLOYD.

PROUD OF YOU, BOY!

ANDY, JUST HEARD ABOUT IT.

HOLLYWOOD, HUH?

OH, THAT'S THE GARDEN SPOT OF THE WORLD.

YOU CAN TAKE MY WORD ON THAT.

OH, GOOD. YOU BEEN OUT THERE?

NO, BUT I HAD A BROTHER-IN-LAW

THAT WAS STATIONED OUT THERE.

THE THINGS HE USED TO TELL ME THAT WENT ON OUT THERE.

THAT WAS BEFORE HE WAS MARRIED TO MY SISTER.

WASN'T MARRIED TO YOUR SISTER. GO ON.

WELL, THERE'S... WARREN? WARREN, LISTEN.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE OVER WHILE I'M GONE.

THERE ARE A FEW THINGS

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OVER WITH YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

THE WAY I'LL HANDLE THINGS

THEY'LL NEVER EVEN KNOW YOU'RE GONE, BUSINESS AS USUAL.

TO START WITH...

Goober: GO ON.

HE WAS A GOOD-LOOKING GUY IN THOSE DAYS.

SIX-FOOT-TWO, SHOULDERS OUT TO HERE

NO WAIST, BLACK, WAVY HAIR.

WHEN HE WALKED DOWN THE STREET

THE GIRLS WOULD CRAWL ALL OVER HIM.

THEY WERE ALL OV HIM. WARREN?

HOLD IT, ANDY; GO ON, WARREN.

THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO HIM ARE THINGS WE JUST DREAM ABOUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG; HE'S SETTLED DOWN.

HE'S LIVING WITH MY SISTER IN MOLINE.

THEY HAVE FOUR KIDS, THREE-BEDROOM HOUSE.

HE'S A MEMBER OF THE LIONS, SOLID AS A ROCK.

HE'S PUT ON 20, 30 POUNDS, LOST ALL HIS HAIR.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HE TOLD ME?

WARREN, I'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THINGS YOU'VE GOT TO DO.

SURE, ANDY. SHOOT.

WELL...THE AFTERNOON PATROL, WARREN.

I KNOW. COVER THE WHOLE NORTH SECTION IN THE SQUAD CAR.

RIGHT.

THEY WERE CRAWLING ALL OVER HIM.

THEY WERE ALL OVER HIM.

YOU SEE, THIS ONE TIME HE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT THIS THING

THAT WAS HAPPENING OUT THERE IN HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA.

HE IS SITTING IN A RESTAURANT.

HE'S HAVING A CUP OF COFFEE, MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS.

AND THIS BEAUTIFUL DOLLY COMES UP TO HIM.

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. SHE COMES RIGHT UP TO HIM.

SHE WAS A STAR OR A WAITRESS. STAR OR A WAITRESS -- I FORGET.

DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE 'CAUSE SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.

SO SHE SAYS TO HIM --

WARREN, COULD I TALK TO YOU LATER IN THE DAY?

SURE, ANDY, MY TIME IS YOUR TIME.

NOW, HE'S SITTING THERE.

HE'S WASN'T SAYING ANYTHING TO HER.

HE'S PLAYING IT REAL CAGEY...

ANDY, I WAS JUST COMING IN TO SEE YOU.

OH, HEY, MS. LARCH.

ANDY, SINCE YOU'RE GOING TO BE OUT IN CALIFORNIA

I HAVE A VERY DEAR SECOND COUSIN WHO LIVES IN COLORADO

AND I WAS WONDERING-- COULD YOU GIVE HER A RING

AND TELL HER THAT WE'RE ALL JUST FINE?

WELL, MS. LARCH, COLORADO'S THREE STATES AWAY.

WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO BE RIGHT OUT WEST THERE.

WELL...

WELL, OF COURSE, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

OH, NO, MRS. LARCH. IF-- IF I GET A CHANCE...

OH, WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT TO PUT YOU OUT ANY.

JUST FORGET I EVER MENTIONED IT.

OPIE, HAVE YOU GOT IT ON YET?

Opie: YEAH.

WELL, COME DOWN.

I WANT YOUR FATHER TO SEE IT.

Opie: OKAY.

I GOT HIM THE CUTEST OUTFIT AT WEAVER'S TODAY.

JUST WHAT LITTLE BOYS WEAR IN HOLLYWOOD. OH, GOOD.

HE'S A LITTLE SHY, SO SAY IT'S NICE. OKAY.

NOW, DOESN'T HE LOOK NICE?

WELL, YEAH, THAT'S NICE.

IT'S AWFUL, ISN'T IT, PA.

OH, NO, THAT'LL BE REAL NICE IN HOLLYWOOD.

I TOLD YOU YOUR FATHER WOULD LIKE IT

AND I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

THAT COMES IN MEN'S SIZES, TOO--

FATHER AND SON SETS--

AND I GOT YOU THE SAME OUTFIT.

YOU GOT ME ONE OF THOSE?

HE DON'T LIKE IT EITHER.

I'M TAKING THIS THING OFF. IT'S SISSY.

ANDY...

NO, NO, LISTEN, OPE, I LIKE IT.

I REALLY, REALLY DO LIKE IT BECAUSE...

IT'S CLASSY.

ANDY, WHY DON'T YOU GO UP

AND TRY ON YOUR OUTFIT?

WELL, IT'S SO LATE AND EVERYTHING.

IF PA DON'T HAVE TO WEAR HIS

DO I HAVE TO WEAR MINE?

ANDY?

JUST BEAUTIFUL, ANDY.

YOU'LL MAKE HOLLYWOOD

SIT UP AND TAKE NOTICE.

YEAH, THAT OUGHT TO HOLD.

YEAH, I GOT IT DOUBLE-STITCHED.

THAT'LL GET YOU TO HOLLYWOOD AND BACK.

HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?

OH, FORGET IT.

JUST A LITTLE GOING AWAY PRESENT.

THANK YOU, MR. JASON.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

LEAVING TOMORROW, HUH?

I'M GOING TO GET THE 12:00 BUS TO RALEIGH

AND THEN RIGHT OVER TO THE AIRPORT.

SAY, ANDY, AS LONG AS YOU'RE GOING TO BE

OUT THERE IN HOLLYWOOD...

YES, MR. JASON?

I GOT A LITTLE NIECE; YOU'VE NEVER MET HER.

UH-UH.

SHE TAP DANCES, PLAYS THE XYLOPHONE--

JUST THE KIND OF TALENT HOLLYWOOD'S BEEN WAITING FOR.

NOW, IF YOU SHOULD JUST HAPPEN

TO RUN INTO SOME OF THEM MOVIE PEOPLE...

OH, I'LL BRING HER NAME RIGHT UP.

I SURE WILL.

THEN IF SHE CLICKS

AND GETS TO BE A STAR OR SOMETHING, WELL,

MAYBE YOU COULD BE HER MANAGER. RIGHT.

BE WELL WORTH YOUR WHILE.

RIGHT. AND THANKS, MR. JASON.

AND THANKS FOR THE HELP.

I'VE OUTLINED OPIE'S LESSONS

BUT DON'T BE TOO STRICT ABOUT HIS HOMEWORK.

THE TRIP SHOULD BE EDUCATIONAL--

MEETING NEW PEOPLE AND SEEING NEW THINGS.

YEAH.

IF I EVER GET BACK FROM THIS TRIP

I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER ONE.

LOOK AT HERE. WHAT'S THAT?

STUFF I GOT TO DO WHEN I GET TO HOLLYWOOD.

"CALL MRS. LARCH'S COUSIN IN COLORADO.

"SAY HELLO FROM COUSIN EDNA.

"GET AUTOGRAPH OF TONY CURTIS FOR LITTLE EILEEN HOPKINS.

"STAND ON THE CORNER OF HOLLYWOOD AND VINE

"AND SAY HELLO FROM FLOYD.

TAKE A PICTURE OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN FOR GOOBER."

I GOT 30 THINGS LIKE THAT.

MMM.

UH...

WHAT?

WELL, I HATE TO ASK YOU, ANDY.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, MY LANDLADY ASKED ME

IF I'D GET YOU TO BRING HER BACK A PICTURE OF DALE ROBERTSON.

PICTURE...

DALE...

ROBERTSON.

OKAY.

THAT'S SWEET.

AH, WHAT'S ONE MORE?

OH, YOUR BUS LEAVES AT NOON TOMORROW?

YEAH.

I HOPE WE CAN GET AWAY QUIETLY.

[ PLAYING "CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME" ]

OH, MY, THIS IS A NICE SURPRISE.

WE WANTED TO GIVE YOU A REAL SEND-OFF, ANDY.

WELL, YOU SURE DID, GOOBER.

THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING.

REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO DO SOME STUDYING.

DON'T WORRY, MISS CRUMP. I'LL STUDY.

HEY, ANDY.

WHEN'S THE BUS COMING, PA?

SOON, OPE, SOON.

HEY, ANDY!

HEY, FLOYD.

DON'T TAKE ANY WOODEN NICKELS.

HERE COMES THE BUS.

[ PLAYING "CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME" ]

WELL...

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT.

I GUESS.

I'M GONNA... I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

OH, I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

OH, ANDY, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

I WILL. AND KEEP AWAY FROM THOSE STARLETS.

WELL, YEAH... WELL, I'LL, UH...

I GUESS I'LL GET THE BAGS.

NO NEED TO GET THE NEW MESSED UP.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE LUGGAGE.

WELL, O-OKAY.

WELL.

UP WE GO.

ANDY, I THINK IT WENT OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE. YEAH.

I'LL GO GET IT. YEAH.

WELL, I'LL GET THE REST OF IT.

OH, FOR HEAVEN SAKES.

IF YOU GOT TIME, I'LL SEW IT UP AGAIN.

NO, NEVER MIND, I'LL JUST...

I'LL GET YOUR LUGGAGE.

WELL, OKAY.

AUNT BEE, OPIE, COME ON.

WE BETTER... B-B-BYE.

BYE. THANKS. COME ON!

I SURE HOPE HE CAN RELAX.

THE MINUTE HE GETS ON THE PLANE.

SURE. BYE, AUNT BEE.

I GOT YOUR LUGGAGE!

I PUT IT UNDER THE BOTTOM!

BYE, AUNT BEE.

HEY, PA, ARE THOSE FARMS DOWN THERE?

Shh. OPIE, DON'T DISTURB YOUR FATHER NOW.

OKAY.

ARE YOU RELAXING A LITTLE?

YEAH.

SUDDENLY MAYBERRY SEEMS FAR AWAY, DOESN'T IT?

YEAH.

MAIN STREET AND THE PEOPLE AND...

OUR HOUSE.

ANDY?

HMM?

YOU TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING BACK AT THE HOUSE, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH.

GOOD.

WHAT'D YOU HAVE IN MIND?

DID YOU TURN OFF THE GAS?

STEWARDESS!

STEWARDESS, WHEN'S THE FIRST STOP?