Original subtitles

HEY, ANDY.

HEY, GOOBER.

SURE IS A NICE DAY.

YOU COULDN'T ASK FOR NICER WEATHER.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE TIME, EXCEPT FOR SPRING AND SUMMER.

THAT RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT. HMM.

WELL, I GUESS, UH, I GUESS THAT MAKES THIS

YOUR THIRD FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WINTER'S MY FOURTH.

YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?

WHAT?

I'M MAD.

WELL, I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH YOU.

WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M MAD ABOUT?

THAT'S UP TO YOU, GOOBER.

IF YOU WANT TO TELL ME, THAT'S FINE.

IF YOU DON'T, THAT'S FINE.

I'LL TELL YOU. ALL RIGHT.

YOU LIKE THAT FELLA YOU GOT WORKING FOR YOU?

WHAT?

THAT WARREN. DO YOU LIKE HIM?

YEAH.

NONE OF US ARE SURE WHETHER WE LIKE HIM.

HE GIVES OUT SO MANY TICKETS.

HE'S GOT EVERYBODY SO WE CAN'T MAKE A MOVE--

'FRAID WE'LL GET A TICKET.

HE GIVE ME A TICKET FOR KEEPING GREASY RAGS IN THAT BARREL.

SAID IT COULD BE A "SPORANEOUS" COMBUSTION.

SPONTANEOUS.

WELL, IT NEVER HAS COMBUSTED.

THIS MORNING HE MADE ME AND FLOYD STOP MATCHING PENNIES.

SAID IT'S GAMBLING. GIVE US A TICKET.

SAYS IT'S GOING TO COST US A DOLLAR APIECE.

THAT AIN'T GAMBLING. IT'S JUST FOOLING AROUND.

LOTS OF TIMES YOU MATCH PENNIES WITH US.

WELL, YEAH.

IT'S THE TRUTH.

TELL YOU WHAT, GOOBER, I'LL TALK TO HIM.

I WISHED YOU WOULD. I'M TENSED.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THOSE, AUNT BEE.

OH, NO. THAT'S ALL RIGHT, WARREN.

PLEASE. I CAN MANAGE. PLEASE.

CERTAINLY DON'T MAKE PAPER BAGS

LIKE THEY USED TO.

I'M SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU, OPIE.

OPIE?

YES, YES. THIS IS ANDY'S SON, OPIE.

OH. HEY, HEY. YOU'RE A...

YOU'RE A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK, AREN'T YOU?

HUH HUH?

GONNA GROW UP AND BE A SHERIFF LIKE YOUR DADDY?

WELL, I MIGHT... RIGHT

PROTECT THE PEOPLE HERE IN MAYBERRY?

THAT'S GOOD. HE'S SMART.

DON'T TELL ME HE'S NOT SMART.

YOU'RE REALLY STOCKING UP, AUNT BEE.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

THAT WAY, YOU'LL NEVER GET CAUGHT SHORT.

ALWAYS BE PREPARED. THAT'S MY MOTTO.

RIGHT, OPIE?

RIGHT AUNT BEE'LL...

SURE IT'S RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU STOCKING UP FOR?

I'M NOT STOCKING UP.

THESE ARE SUPPLIES

FOR THE LADIES AUXILIARY BAZAAR.

CHARITY BAZAAR.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL-- HELPING OTHERS.

GIVES YOU A WARM FEELING INSIDE, DOESN'T IT?

HUH SURE IT DOES.

YOU REMEMBER THAT, OPIE-- HELP THY NEIGHBOR.

REMEMBER THAT.

I HAVE A FEW MORE THINGS TO DO...

I USED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE MEN'S CLUB BACK HOME.

WE USED TO GIVE CHARITY BAZAARS.

OH, IT FELT GOOD.

AFTER ONE OF THOSE

I'D PUT MY HEAD DOWN ON THE PILLOW AT NIGHT.

I USED TO SAY TO MYSELF, "WARREN?"

I'D SAY, "YEAH?"

I'D SAY, "WARREN, THAT WAS

A PRETTY WARM, WONDERFUL, DECENT THING YOU DID TODAY."

WE HAVE TO BE RUNNING...

I WAS BORN WITH COMPASSION.

I'VE ALWAYS HAD IT.

WE HAVE A LOT OF OTHER THINGS TO DO.

THANK YOU, WARREN.

OH, AUNT BEE? YES?

DO YOU HAVE YOUR PERMIT FOR OPERATING THE BAZAAR?

PERMIT? WE NEVER HAD A PERMIT.

YOU DON'T WANT TO OPERATE OUTSIDE THE LAW.

WELL...

COME ON DOWN TO THE STATION WITH ME

AND I'LL FIX IT UP FOR YOU.

ALL RIGHT. OPIE, WOULD YOU RUN BACK TO THE HALL

AND TELL MISS EDWARDS I'LL BE THERE IN A FEW MINUTES?

YOU'RE GONNA HELP OUT, TOO, OPIE?

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

PITCH RIGHT IN THERE, HUH?

STRAIGHT SHOOTER.

HE DOESN'T TALK VERY MUCH, DOES HE?

WELL, I GUESS HE'S A LITTLE SHY.

NUMBER 27--

NOW, WILL THERE BE ANY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES

SOLD ON THE PREMISES?

NO, CERTAINLY NOT.

NO BOOZE.

NUMBER 28-- DOES ANYONE CONNECTED WITH THE BAZAAR

HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD?

OF COURSE NOT.

THIS IS THE LADIES AUXILIARY.

WARREN, THIS IS ALTOGETHER UNNECESSARY.

I'M TRYING TO COMPLY WITH THE LAW.

FINISH IT. FINISH IT.

OKAY.

OH...

HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE?

WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO RUSH IT.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN ON TO THE BAZAAR

AND I'LL FINISH OUT THE PERMIT.

THANK YOU.

OKAY, BYE.

UH... WARREN, UH...

UH, I-I WANT YOU TO KNOW

YOU'VE BEEN DOING A FINE JOB.

THANK YOU, ANDY.

COMING FROM YOU

I TAKE THAT AS A REAL COMPLIMENT.

WELL, GOOD.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES A FELLA CAN DO TOO GOOD A JOB.

NOW, LIKE THIS PERMIT HERE--

THAT'S ALTOGETHER UNNECESSARY.

ANDY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOUR AUNT BEE--

YOUR OWN AUNT BEE--

FROM ENGAGING IN AN UNLAWFUL ACT.

BUT THEY'VE BEEN HAVING THIS BAZAAR FOR 18 YEARS

WITHOUT A PERMIT.

18 WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT.

THAT'S A SAYING, ANDY.

GIVING FLOYD AND GOOBER TICKETS FOR MATCHING PENNIES --

NOW, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WAIT A MINUTE, ANDY! I GOT TO FIGHT YOU ON THAT ONE.

GAMBLING IS MY PET PEEVE.

YOU KNOW THAT STATISTICS SHOW THAT GAMBLING

ATTRACTS GANGSTERS AND AN UNDESIRABLE ELEMENT.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FLOYD AND GOOBER MATCHING PENNIES.

ON A BIG WEEK, 7 CENTS CHANGES HANDS!

AND THAT MAY JUST HAVE BEEN THE WAY

THAT THINGS STARTED IN CHICAGO DURING THE '20s.

REMEMBER CHICAGO? HUH HUH?

WE'RE NOT IN CHICAGO. WE'RE IN MAYBERRY.

A TOWN OF UNDER 2,000 PEOPLE, WHERE OUR BIGGEST INDUSTRY

IS MAKING PATCHWORK QUILTS.

NOW, FLOYD AND GOOBER AREN'T BOTHERING ANYBODY,

SO QUIT GIVING THEM TICKETS.

THEY'RE GAMBLING, ANDY, AND GAMBLING IN ANY MANNER,

SHAPE, OR FORM IS AGAINST THE LAW.

BINGO!

SHH, LISTEN, LISTEN, EVERYBODY.

SHH, QUIET.

UNDER "B," NINE.

RIGHT.

UNDER "I," 17.

RIGHT.

UNDER "N," 34.

MM-HMM.

RIGHT. UNDER "G," 52.

RIGHT.

UNDER "O," 75.

GOOBER, UNDER ARTICLE 156, SECTION 16

OF THE STATE PENAL CODE

I HEREBY APPOINT YOU AS SPECIAL DEPUTY.

SAY IT AGAIN.

NEVER MIND. COME ON.

GET BACK! GET BACK!

MAKE WAY FOR THE LAW!

GET BACK.

Woman: LET US OUT.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DIDN'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

IT'S ALL ON ACCOUNT OF ARTICLE 152...

WARREN!

GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME, YOUNG MAN.

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?!

WE'LL TELL YOU PLENTY, ANDY.

LISTEN, EVERYBODY, JUST, JUST, JUST RUN ON HOME.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

AUNT BEE!

WE'RE BEING ARRESTED FOR GAMBLING!

GAMBLING?!

NIP THESE THINGS IN THE BUD.

OTHERWISE, THEY'LL SPREAD LIKE PRAIRIE FIRE.

WARREN!

ANDY, I DIDN'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.

GOOBER, JUST GET YOUR TRUCK OUT

FROM IN FRONT OF THE COURTHOUSE!

IT'S POINTLESS.

WILL, WILL YOU...?

NOW, IF YOU'LL ALL QUIET DOWN

MAYBE WE CAN FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR DEPUTY?

AFTER ALL, HE IS THE ARRESTING OFFICER.

ASK HIM.

HE'S THE ONE THAT...

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WELL, ANDY, I, I...

ANDY, COULD I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDE FOR A MOMENT?

EXCUSE US.

AREN'T YOU TAKING A CHANCE

LEAVING US CRIMINALS UNGUARDED?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I GOT A RIOT GUN OVER THERE.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S HAVE IT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO ARREST THEM.

THEY'RE WARM, SWEET, WONDERFUL WOMEN.

WHAT'D THEY DO?

THEY WERE OPERATING A BINGO GAME AT THE BAZAAR.

BINGO?!

AND FOR MONEY.

: LET'S BOOK THEM.

ALL RIGHT, I KNOW WE DON'T ALWAYS SEE EYE TO EYE.

THEY WEREN'T GAMBLING.

THE PRIZES ARE DONATED.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT.

I HATED TO ARREST THEM.

WELL, WHY DID YOU?

ANDY, I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE.

THEY WERE GAMBLING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

IF I WERE TO IGNORE THAT

HOW WOULD I GAIN ANY RESPECT HERE?

I WOULDN'T, THAT'S HOW.

WELL, SINCE YOU'VE GOT ALL THE ANSWERS...

KNOCK ON WOOD.

...HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS MESS?

SO SIMPLE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH IT

IF YOU'D HAVE GIVEN IT ANY THOUGHT.

THANKS.

IT'S THE TRUTH.

YOU'RE NOT AN IGNORANT MAN.

THANKS.

I CALL THEM AS I SEE THEM.

YOU'RE NOT DUMB, ANDY.

I'LL TRY TO LIVE UP TO YOUR CONFIDENCE IN ME.

NOW, HOW WE GOING TO GET THEM WOMEN OUT OF THERE?

WE CAN'T EXCUSE THEM FOR BREAKING THE LAW.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

THAT WOULD BE A BAD EXAMPLE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

BUT WE COULD GIVE THEM A SUSPENDED SENTENCE--

SET THEM FREE, SEND THEM HOME.

GOOD. COME ON.

COURT'S IN SESSION.

REGARDING THE CASE BEFORE THE BENCH

I FIND THAT WHILE THE DEFENDANTS ARE GUILTY AS CHARGED

THEIR UNSELFISH DEVOTION TO CHARITY SHOULD BE APPLAUDED.

THEREFORE, SENTENCE IS SUSPENDED

AND THE CASE IS CLOSED.

WELL, YOU'RE ALL FREE.

YOU CAN GO HOME NOW.

RUN ON.

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

REAL PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.

SEE YOU TONIGHT AT SUPPER, AUNT BEE.

WELL, I CAN SAY ONE THING FOR US GIRLS.

WE'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID TO STAND UP FOR OUR RIGHTS.

JUST A MINUTE. JUST A MINUTE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, BEE?

HE CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THAT.

GET AWAY WITH WHAT?

YOU HEARD ANDY SAY, "YOU'RE ALL FREE.

YOU CAN GO ON HOME NOW."

WELL, THOSE WERE HIS VERY WORDS.

AND HE ALSO SAID, "GUILTY AS CHARGED."

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?

THE SENTENCE IS SUSPENDED.

THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING.

AND A CRIMINAL RECORD IS IMPORTANT.

A CRIMINAL RECORD?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE NOW, YOU KNOW.

OH, GOOD HEAVENS.

A CRIMINAL RECORD.

HOW CAN I EXPLAIN THAT TO MY SON?

HE'S AN EAGLE SCOUT.

NOW, QUIET. QUIET.

QUIET. QUIET.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.

ANDY?

OH.

ANDY, GRANTED, IN THIS GREAT, ENORMOUS UNIVERSE OF OURS

YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN A TINY DOT, A SPECK

A MINUTE, INSIGNIFICANT NOTHING

BUT I'M PROUD TO CALL YOU MY FRIEND.

DID, UH... DID ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU

YOU'VE GOT AN UNUSUAL WAY WITH WORDS?

OH, I CAN'T TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR THAT, ANDY.

I'M LUCKY-- BLESSED WITH IT AT BIRTH.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

ANYWAY, YOU HELPED ME OUT OF AN AWKWARD SITUATION TODAY.

YOU STOOD BEHIND ME,

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE IT.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME,

BECAUSE ANYTHING I DID WAS PURELY FOR SELFISH REASONS.

I GUESS YOU NEVER HEARD

OF THE MAYBERRY RULES FOR A LONG, HAPPY LIFE, HUH?

NO, NO.

WELL, THERE ARE JUST THREE.

DON'T PLAY LEAP FROG WITH ELEPHANTS.

DON'T PET A TIGER UNLESS HIS TAIL'S WAGGING.

AND NEVER, EVER MESS WITH THE LADIES AUXILIARY.

WELL, ANYWAY, THE CASE IS CLOSED.

NO HARM DONE.

WE WANT OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

ANDY, WE'VE COME FOR JUSTICE.

AND WE'RE NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL WE GET IT.

RIGHT, LADIES?

RIGHT!

WAIT. I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL SETTLED

OR DID I JUST IMAGINE IT?

IF YOU'RE REFERRING TO THAT KANGAROO COURT

YOU JUST HELD, FORGET IT.

WE REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT VERDICT.

WE NEVER PLEADED GUILTY.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

NOBODY GOT FINED OR ANYTHING.

BUT, ANDY, THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS INVOLVED.

Bee: WE WANT OUR NAMES CLEARED AND THE CHARGES DROPPED.

IF THAT ISN'T DONE, WE'LL DEMAND

A NEW TRIAL IN FRONT OF A JURY

AND WE'LL STAY RIGHT HERE UNTIL WE GET IT.

COME ALONG, GIRLS.

HEY, WAIT... NO...

NO...LADIES...

LADIES, LISTEN.

NO. YOU CAN'T... YOU JUST CAN'T DO THIS.

THEY'RE A SPUNKY GROUP, ANDY.

REAL SPUNKY.

YEAH.

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO HOLD A JURY TRIAL

FOR A BINGO GAME

SO I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO DROP THE CHARGES.

ANDY, I WAS THE OFFICER WHO MADE THE ARREST.

YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THAT, DO YOU?

SINCE I WAS THE ONE WHO MADE THE COMPLAINT

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DROP THE CHARGES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

UH-UH. UH-UH.

NO, I'M SORRY.

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU WON'T DROP THE CHARGES?

ANDY, I TOOK A SOLEMN OATH TO UPHOLD THE LAW.

BUT, UH...MAYBE IF I TALK TO THE LADIES...

TALK TO THEM.

TALK TO 'EM.

NOW, LADIES, WHY DON'T WE...?

ANDY, SOME PEOPLE ARE STUBBORN.

JUST DOWNRIGHT STUBBORN.

YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY.

WELL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'VE HAD IT!

NOW, I'VE PUT UP WITH JUST ABOUT ALL I'M GOING TO

AND THAT NOT ONLY GOES FOR MY IDIOT DEPUTY

BUT FOR YOU WOMEN IN THERE.

IF YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND ACT LIKE CHILDREN

THAT'S UP TO YOU

BUT THERE'S NO LAW SAYS I HAVE TO STAY HERE AND WATCH IT.

NOW, I'M GOING HOME

AND IF THE REST OF YOU HAVE ANY SENSE

YOU'LL DO THE SAME THING.

GOODBYE.

PAW, YOU THINK AUNT BEE'S COMING HOME SOON?

OH, SURE.

SHE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

NOW, YOU'LL SEE THAT THEY'LL ALL GET TIRED

AND THEY'LL GO HOME.

I HOPE SO. I SURE AM HUNGRY.

WELL, I AM, TOO.

JUST TRY TO BE PATIENT.

SARAH, TRY THE COURTHOUSE AGAIN.

MM-HMM. THANKS.

STILL BUSY, PAW?

YEAH.

NOW, LOOK, I WON'T MAKE ANY KIND OF GUARANTEES

BUT IF YOU WANT ME TO

I'LL TRY TO SCRAMBLE US UP A COUPLE OF EGGS.

GEE, PAW, I'M SO HUNGRY, I'D BE GLAD TO EAT ANYTHING.

EVEN MY COOKIN', HUH?

GEE, PAW, I THINK YOU COOK SWELL.

REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU MADE ALL THOSE PANCAKES?

THEY WERE GREAT.

THANKS.

WHO CARES IF THEY STUCK A LITTLE?

IT WAS FUN EATIN' 'EM OUT OF THE PAN.

SET A COUPLE OF PLATES.

YEAH, A FEW EGGS...

COMING.

HERE. MOVE.

COMIN', COMIN', COMIN'.

OH, HI, HARLAN.

COME IN. COME IN.

WELL, CORLIS, AREN'T YOU GETTIN' PRETTIER EVERY DAY?

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, HARLAN?

TELL ME WHAT MY DAUGHTER AND I ARE GOING TO DO FOR SUPPER.

OH.

IT'S A PROBLEM NOW THAT MY WIFE

IS SERVING A STRETCH IN PRISON.

WELL, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, HARLAN.

DON'T CRY, CORLIS.

NOW, I'M SURE IT'LL ALL BE OVER

AND RUTH WILL BE HOME ANY MINUTE NOW.

WELL, IF SHE ISN'T, MAYBE YOU'LL DO

THE WASH TOMORROW.

I'M SURE IT'LL ALL BE SETTLED, HARLAN.

IT'S NOT MUCH, BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO HAVE

SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS WITH US.

BEATS STARVING. OKAY, SIT DOWN.

I'LL JUST GET SOME MORE EGGS.

WE'LL EAT THESE EGGS RIGHT UP.

COMIN'!

COMIN', COMIN'.

OH, HI, FRED. COME IN.

MY GOODNESS, YOUR CHILDREN JUST SPROUTIN' UP LIKE WEEDS.

WEEDS GROW ON WATER.

PEOPLE NEED FOOD.

YEAH. WELL, SIT DOWN.

EVERYTHING WILL BE READY IN A FEW MINUTES.

DON'T CRY, CORLIS. DON'T CRY.

GET SOME MORE CHAIRS.

MORE CHAIRS.

I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MILK.

GOT PLENTY OF COFFEE.

HERE, HARLAN. LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE MORE COFFEE.

THERE YOU ARE.

OKAY. NOW, WELL, DICK. YEAH, WELL...

DID EVERYBODY HAVE ENOUGH, THEN?

IT'LL HOLD.

COME ON, CORLIS.

YEAH, WE'LL BE LEAVING, TOO.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

BYE, CORLIS.

IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME.

LISTEN, I PROMISE THIS THING WILL BE SETTLED THIS EVENING.

I'M COUNTING ON THAT, SHERIFF.

DON'T GIVE IT ANOTHER THOUGHT.

I WON'T... BUT YOU'D BETTER.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

COME BACK.

DICK, YOU FORGOT PANSY!

PANSY.

YEAH. WELL, GOODBYE.

OH, BOY...

LET ME CALL OVER THERE.

SARAH, GET ME...

OH, THANKS.

IMAGINE THE PHONE BEING BUSY FOR THREE HOURS.

OPIE, LISTEN, JUST STACK THE DISHES, WILL YA?

I'LL DO 'EM WHEN I GET BACK.

I'M GOING TO THE COURTHOUSE.

CAN'T I GO WITH YOU, PAW?

I'M NOT SURE I'M OLD ENOUGH TO HEAR WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY.

REALLY? OH, WELL

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I JUST HEARD.

OVER AT THE LENDING LIBRARY

THEY'VE GOT A NEW BOOK

AND IT'S DOWNRIGHT RACY.

YES, BUT...

OH, YOU DID?

CAN I BE NEXT AFTER YOU?

WONDERFUL.

OH, SORRY.

OH, HI, ANDY.

I'VE A GREAT MIND

TO ARREST ALL OF YOU FOR TRESPASSING

BUT I'D JUST HAVE TO THROW YOU IN JAIL

AND THAT'S WHERE YOU ARE NOW.

ANDY?

ANDY, I'VE BEEN DEPUTY IN QUITE A FEW TOWNS

BUT I HAVE NEVER, EVER SEEN A MESS LIKE THIS.

ARE THINGS ALWAYS THIS DISORGANIZED?

NO!

MAYBE WE'LL GET THINGS STRAIGHTENED OUT

NOW THAT I'M HERE TO HELP YOU, HUH?

YEAH. HUH?

YEAH. THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

DROP THE CHARGES.

ANDY, YOU HAVE A ONE-TRACK MIND.

I CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE...

Both: ...GAMBLING IS AGAINST THE LAW.

RIGHT. RIGHT. YEAH. YEAH.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE LAW?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SURE.

I MEAN, I'M NO LAWYER.

IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?

I'M NO LAWYER, BUT I'VE READ A LOT.

I'VE READ ALL THE PERRY MASON STORIES.

YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED A COUPLE

LIKE "THE CASE OF THE PIGHEADED DEPUTY

WHO WAS KILLED BY A BERSERK SHERIFF."

HEY, ANDY.

HEY, GOOBER.

THEY'RE STILL IN THERE, ARE THEY?

YEAH, THEY'RE STILL IN THERE.

HOW LONG THEY GONNA BE IN THERE?

I DON'T KNOW. THEY WANT A JURY TRIAL.

THEY OUGHT NOT TO DO THAT.

YOU KNOW, ME AND FLOYD'S BEEN TALKIN' 'BOUT THIS--

DISCUSSIN' ALL THE EVIDENCE?

AND, WELL, I HATE TO SAY THIS

BUT NOW, WE FEEL--

AND, MIND YOU, WE AIN'T LEGAL EXPERTS IN ANY WAY--

BUT ALL THE FACTS SEEM TO BE AGAINST THEM

LIKE WARREN SAID.

YOU, TOO, HUH?

WELL, IT'S JUST OUR OPINION

BUT I BET IF THERE WAS A TRIAL

WARREN'S SIDE WOULD WIN.

SAY THAT AGAIN.

THE WHOLE THING?

FORGET IT, GOOB.

THANKS.

WARREN?

RIGHT.

EXCUSE US, PLEASE.

EXCUSE US.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE THEM THEIR JURY TRIAL.

OH, ANDY, THAT'S A SHAME.

YEAH.

YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN GET THEM

TO LISTEN TO REASON?

THAT'S THE WAY SOME PEOPLE ARE.

YEAH.

TELL YOU THE TRUTH, THOUGH, I KINDA SIDE WITH 'EM.

I THINK THEY GOT A GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING.

THE LAW'S AS CLEAR AS CRYSTAL.

WELL, MAYBE SO,

BUT YOU NEVER CAN TELL WHAT A JURY MIGHT DO.

NOT IN THIS CASE. IT'S OPEN AND SHUT.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

OH, POSITIVELY.

NO, NO. SURE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL BACK UP MY OPINION WITH, SAY, A DOLLAR?

I WOULD BE STEALING MONEY FROM YOU.

LIKE THEY SAY, PUT UP OR SHUT UP.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

GOOD. NOW IT'S MY DUTY TO INFORM YOU

YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR GAMBLING.

ANDY...

GAMBLING IS GAMBLING, WHETHER IT'S BLACKJACK

BETTIN' OR BINGO.

YEAH, BUT, ANDY...

YOU'RE NOT ASKING ME TO IGNORE GAMBLING, ARE YOU?

HUH HUH?

YOU'RE NOT ASKING ME TO DO THAT.

SEE, THE LAW IS THE LAW.

CHARGES ARE BROUGHT FOR THE SAME REASON

AND CHARGES ARE DROPPED FOR THE SAME REASON.

BUT, ANDY, I...

ANDY, I...

Andy: CHARGES ARE DROPPED.

EVERYBODY HOME!

ANDY, I...

I GOT TO ADMIT IT, I WAS WRONG.

EVERYBODY MAKES A LITTLE MISTAKE ONCE IN A WHILE, WARREN.

OH, BUT I MEAN, A MAN IN MY POSITION

OUGHT TO KNOW WHEN HE'S GOING TOO FAR.

IT'S NOT LIKE ME, ANDY. I'M A REASONABLE MAN.

YEAH.

WELL, THE MAIN THING -- THE BAZAAR IS JUST DOING FINE.

BINGO, HUH? YEAH, BINGO, CAKE SALES, KISSING BOOTH.

KISSING BOOTH?

OH, YEAH, MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.

UH, HOW'S THAT OPERATE, ANDY?

WELL, A FELLA GOES UP TO THE BOOTH, SEE,

PUTS DOWN A QUARTER, HE GETS TO KISS THE LADY.

ANY GUY? SURE.

STRANGER? SOMETIMES.

WELL, THEN, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, ANDY,

IS THAT FOR THE SUM OF 25 CENTS, AN UNIDENTIFIED JOHN DOE

CAN WILLFULLY ACCOST ANY LADY IN THE BOOTH?

WHAT ABOUT IT?

ANDY, WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE BOOK OF LOCAL ORDINANCES.

I WANT TO CHECK THE MORALS CODE ON THIS ONE.

I'LL KILL YA.

NOW, ANDY-- ANDY WAIT!