Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

ISN'T THIS NICE?

OH, THIS IS AWFULLY NICE.

ANDY, THIS IS A REAL HONOR FOR YOU.

IT SURE IS.

A PIECE WRITTEN ABOUT YOU

IN THE NATIONAL SHERIFF'S MAGAZINE.

WELL, THEY COULD HAVE PICKED

LOTS OF SHERIFFS TO WRITE ABOUT,

BUT THEY PICKED YOU.

I LIKE THE TITLE OF THE STORY, TOO, PA --

"SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN." THAT'S NEATO.

YEAH.

"EVEN THOUGH SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR

"DOESN'T CARRY A GUN,

MAYBERRY HAS ONE OF THE LOWEST CRIME RATES IN THE COUNTRY."

WELL, WE OWE THAT TO YOU, ANDY. WE DO.

WELL, BARNEY, TOO.

OH, YES, YES.

"AND WORKING WITH SHERIFF TAYLOR

IS HIS MOST CAPABLE DEPUTY, BARNEY FISE."

FISE?

BARNEY FISE?

OH, THEY SPELLED HIS NAME WRONG.

YEAH, I KNOW.

OH, DEAR.

HEY, PA, CAN I TAKE THE MAGAZINE

TO SCHOOL TOMORROW AND SHOW IT TO THE KIDS?

OH. WELL, SURE.

WANT TO BRAG ON YOUR OLD MAN A LITTLE, DO YOU?

OH, WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM ABOUT THE TELEGRAM?

WHAT TELEGRAM, PA?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS,

BUT I GOT A WIRE THIS MORNING

ABOUT A TV WRITER ARRIVING TOMORROW,

ALL THE WAY FROM HOLLYWOOD...

SOMETHING ABOUT DOING A TV SHOW

BASED ON, UH, THIS ARTICLE.

GEE WHIZ, PA, ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN IT?

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

HI, AND.

Andy: OH, HI, BARN.

YOU REMEMBER THAT WRITER FROM LAW AND ORDER

THAT INTERVIEWED US? YEAH.

I HEARD THE ARTICLE'S IN THIS MONTH'S ISSUE.

DID YOU GET IT YET?

YEAH, IT WAS HERE WHEN I GOT HOME.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME? WHERE IS IT?

IT'S HERE, BARNEY.

OH. OH, THAT'S A GOOD TITLE --

"SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN."

OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL PICTURE OF YOU, AND,

JUST WONDERFUL. THANKS.

"QUIET, UNASSUMING, FRIENDLY, LIKABLE --

"ALL THESE ADJECTIVES TRULY DESCRIBE

MAYBERRY'S SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR."

THIS GUY'S A GOOD WRITER.

"WORKING WITH SHERIFF TAYLOR

IS HIS MOST CAPABLE DEPUTY, BARNEY FISE."

BARNEY FISE?

WELL, EVERYBODY KNOWS IT'S YOU.

WELL, YOU'D THINK A MAN

THAT EARNS HIS LIVING AS A WRITER

COULD LEARN TO SPELL.

WELL, IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES,

AND HE SAID A LOT OF NICE THINGS.

HE CALLED YOU "CAPABLE"...

YEAH, HE CAN SPELL "CAPABLE." HE CAN'T SPELL "FIFE."

BUT IT'S A NICE ARTICLE, BARNEY,

AND WE'RE REAL PROUD OF BOTH OF YOU, AREN'T WE?

WE SURE ARE.

OH, WELL...FISE.

WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING THAT MIGHT INTEREST YOU.

HMM? LOOK THERE.

THEY'RE GOING TO DO A TV SHOW ABOUT US?

WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT US.

IT'S JUST THEY SAW SOMETHING IN THE ARTICLE

THAT INTERESTED 'EM, AND THEY WANT

TO COME DOWN HERE AND LOOK AROUND.

WELL, THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING, AIN'T IT?

WELL, LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS SAID,

TELEVISION'S MOVING AHEAD BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS.

WELL, YOU SEE, WE'VE WANTED TO DO A SHOW

ABOUT A SHERIFF FOR QUITE SOME TIME,

BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME UP WITH...

A DIFFERENT TWIST -- SOMETHING TO MAKE IT UNUSUAL.

THEN WHEN I SAW THIS ARTICLE, "SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN,"

I KNEW WE HAD WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR.

WELL, THAT'S VERY FLATTERING.

I THINK IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.

DO YOU DO SOME OF THIS WRITING, TOO, MISS BLAKE?

OH, NO, NO.

I'M JUST A PRODUCTION ASSISTANT.

OH. PRODUCTION ASSISTANT.

I THINK THIS WHOLE THING HAS TREMENDOUS POSSIBILITIES

FOR A SERIES.

WELL, EVEN THE TITLE ALONE IS SO INTRIGUING --

"SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN."

IT'S PURE AND SIMPLE AND AMERICANA,

AND YET IT HAS GLAMOUR.

OH, WELL, I DON'T THINK

YOU'RE GONNA FIND TOO MUCH GLAMOUR IN MY WORK.

OH, SHERIFF, YOU'RE JUST BEING MODEST.

WELL

OH, IT'S JUST ALL SO CHARMING.

YES, IT IS.

WELL, WE SPEND A LOT OF TIME HERE.

OH, MY DEPUTY SITS OVER THERE. OH.

I TOLD HIM THAT YOU HAD ARRIVED

AND TO POP IN IF HE GETS A CHANCE.

GOOD, I'D LIKE TO MEET HIM, SHERIFF.

WELL, ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO TO HELP.

WELL, WE'LL TRY AND STAY OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

ONLY WE WILL WANT TO SEE YOU DOING

THE THINGS YOU DO EVERY DAY IN THE YEAR

IN YOUR NATURAL SURROUNDINGS.

OH, WELL, I JUST HOPE IT WON'T BE TOO DULL.

HI, ANDY.

BARN.

I PICKED UP A RUMOR ABOUT AN ESCAPED CRIMINAL.

I THOUGHT THERE MIGHT BE FIREWORKS.

BARN, THIS IS MR. HARVEY AND MISS BLAKE

ABOUT THAT, UH, TELEVISION SHOW.

OH, YES, YOU DID MENTION THEY HAD ARRIVED.

MR. HARVEY.

MISS BLAKE.

OH, YOU MUST BE DEPUTY FISE.

FIFE. F-I-F-E.

THAT WAS A MISPRINT IN THAT ARTICLE.

MAKE A NOTE OF THAT, PAT.

F-I-F-E.

BERNARD.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN?

NO POINT IN STANDING AROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.

SO, YOU'RE FIGURING ON DOING A TV SHOW, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, I'VE DONE A LITTLE ACTING MYSELF...

MOSTLY RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY.

ONCE A YEAR WE PUT ON A SHOW,

AND I USUALLY MANAGE TO LAND ONE OF THE LEADS.

LAST YEAR, WE DID "ROSE MARIE."

I PLAYED THE NELSON EDDY PART.

OOH...

YOU KNOW, THE CANADIAN MOUNTIE.

I WAS IN UNIFORM THERE, TOO.

IT WAS PRETTY GOOD, WASN'T IT, AND?

UH, YEAH, THE DRAMA CRITIC IN THE MAYBERRY GAZETTE

SAID BARNEY GAVE A STELLAR PERFORMANCE.

I NOTICE, DEPUTY, THAT THE SHERIFF

DOESN'T CARRY A GUN, BUT YOU DO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I BELIEVE AT LEAST ONE OF US SHOULD.

I KEEP THIS LITTLE BABY RIGHT HERE, READY FOR BUSINESS.

NO, I WOULDN'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT THE OL' ROSCOE...

LITTLE PERSUADER...

BLUE STEEL BABY.

BY THE WAY, WHAT DO YOU FELLOWS

USUALLY CALL IT IN ONE OF YOUR SCRIPTS?

WE USUALLY CALL IT A GUN.

UH, SHERIFF, AS A STARTER,

DO YOU MIND IF I KIND OF SNOOP AROUND?

WELL, HELP YOURSELF.

I'LL BE GLAD TO SHOW YOU AROUND.

OH, THANK YOU.

MAYBE YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN SEEING OUR BACK ROOM.

NOW, TO THE AVERAGE PERSON,

THIS MIGHT JUST LOOK LIKE A BACK ROOM,

BUT IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK...

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THEY'D PROBABLY SAY,

"THIS AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A BACK ROOM."

YOU'RE BOTH SO DIFFERENT. HOW'S THAT?

BUT IT IS GOOD TO GET BOTH SIDES.

OH, YEAH. I SUPPOSE.

TELL ME, SHERIFF TAYLOR, WHY DON'T YOU CARRY A GUN?

OH...

I DON'T KNOW.

WHEN A MAN CARRIES A GUN ALL THE TIME,

THE RESPECT HE THINKS HE'S GETTING

MIGHT REALLY BE FEAR.

SO I DON'T CARRY A GUN

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THE PEOPLE OF MAYBERRY

TO FEAR A GUN.

I'D RATHER THEY WOULD RESPECT ME.

THAT WAS BEAUTIFULLY SAID.

COULD WE USE THAT IN THE SCRIPT,

JUST THE WAY YOU SAID IT?

OH, WELL... SURE, I-IF YOU WANT.

YOU SEE, ON ONE OF THESE ALL-NIGHT VIGILS

LIKE A ROBBERY, A STAKEOUT, A MAD-DOG KILLER,

THIS IS WHERE WE HOLE UP.

I SEE.

WELL, YOU SEE, MISS BLAKE...

OH, "PAT."

OH. "PAT."

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO FIND

TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT IN LAW ENFORCEMENT

HERE IN MAYBERRY. OH?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

SEE, MOST OF OUR-OUR POLICE WORK

IS JUST PARKING TICKETS

AND HELPING YOUNG 'UNS ACROSS THE STREET

AND PUTTING LIDS BACK ON TRASH CANS.

HE HAD ME BY THE THROAT.

IT WAS A QUESTION OF HIS LIFE OR MINE.

WELL, THAT COULD MAKE A WHOLE EPISODE.

YEAH, IT MIGHT. YOU GOT THAT NAME, DIDN'T YOU?

IT'S F-I-F-E. UH, BARN...

DON'T YOU THINK WE BETTER GET OUT ON PATROL?

YEAH, WE BETTER HIT IT.

YOU ALL ARE WELCOME TO COME WITH US.

I'D LIKE TO.

PAT, YOU'D BETTER GO BACK TO THE HOTEL

AND TYPE UP THOSE NOTES.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY RIGHT HERE

AND USE OUR TYPEWRITER?

OH, FINE, THANK YOU.

SIT RIGHT THERE IN THE CHAIR,

AND THERE'S PAPER IN THE TOP DRAWER THERE.

OH, THANKS VERY MUCH. UH, SEE YOU LATER?

WELL, SURE.

WELL, UH, UH... SHALL WE?

YEAH, YEAH, WE BETTER HIT IT.

OH, HI, BARN, ANDY!

HEY, ANDY, BARN!

OH, HI, FLOYD, GOOBER.

UH, MR. HARVEY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET

FLOYD LAWSON AND GOOBER BEASLEY,

OUR BARBER AND FILLING STATION ATTENDANT.

HOW DO YOU DO?

PLEASED TO KNOW YOU. HE'S THE BARBER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

GOOBER HERE KEEPS OUR CARS RUNNING FOR US.

HE'S THE FILLING STATION ATTENDANT.

TWO IMPORTANT PEOPLE, EH?

Andy: THAT'S RIGHT.

MR. HARVEY'S HERE TO DO SOME RESEARCH

ON A TELEVISION SHOW HE'S GOT PLANNED

BASED ON THE MAYBERRY SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

NO! GEE.

WELL, DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT ME?

NO.

I WAS A DEPUTY ONCE. REMEMBER

YOU WANTED SOMEBODY TO CARRY THE FLAG IN THE PARADE,

AND YOU DEPUTIZED ME.

I BEEN DEPUTIZED A COUPLE OF TIMES, TOO.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, REALLY? WHEN WAS THAT?

JUST DURING EMERGENCIES.

WHAT TYPE OF EMERGENCY?

EVERY HALLOWEEN, I'M IN CHARGE

OF GUARDING THE CANNON IN THE PARK.

KIDS ARE ALWAYS FILLING IT FULL OF ORANGE PEELINGS

AND POTATOES AND ROTTEN TOMATOES AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

IT'S REAL DISRESPECTFUL.

EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN IN CHARGE OF GUARDING THAT CANNON,

THEY AIN'T EVEN AS MUCH AS GOT A GRAPE IN IT.

WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

YEAH, YOU'VE BEEN DOING A FINE JOB, GOOBER.

WELL, BARN, WE GOT A LOT TO DO. WE BETTER GET IN THE CAR.

WE'LL SEE YOU BOYS.

'BYE.

WELL, I GUESS YOU'LL SLEEP GOOD TONIGHT.

I SURE WILL. THAT WAS QUITE A DAY.

RIGHT NOW, THOUGH, I'M GOING TO CALL

MY PRODUCER IN CALIFORNIA AND TELL HIM TO GET ON A PLANE.

I'M SURE WE'VE GOT A SHOW HERE.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD NIGHT.

NIGHT.

HOW'D IT GO?

PERFECT. COULDN'T BE BETTER. YEAH?

THIS WILL BE THE EASIEST JOB WE EVER PULLED.

THE ONLY THING WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT

IS HOW MUCH WE WANT TO TAKE.

IF WE HAD A MOVING VAN,

I THINK WE COULD TAKE THE WHOLE TOWN.

THAT SIMPLE?

THEY SURE ARE.

THE SHERIFF DOESN'T CARRY A GUN,

AND THE DEPUTIES ARE IDIOTS. GOOD!

JUST TO PLAY IT SAFE, THOUGH,

YOU SEE THE SHERIFF KEEPS HIS MIND ON YOU.

RIGHT.

AS FAR AS THAT FELLOW, FISE --

HIS MIND WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT.

HEY, BARN?

I JUST GOT A CALL OVER AT THE HOUSE FROM MR. HARVEY.

HIS PRODUCER HAS ARRIVED, AND HE WANTS TO BRING HIM OVER.

OH, GREAT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST A SEC, ANDY.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A STORY LINE FOR THAT TV SHOW ABOUT US.

YOU'RE NOT A WRITER.

WELL, THAT WOMAN UP NORTH WASN'T A WRITER, EITHER,

BUT SHE WROTE THAT "PEYTON PLACE."

LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.

ALL RIGHT, "FADE IN"...

"FADE IN"? WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S WHERE YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING AT FIRST,

AND, THEN, GRADUALLY, YOU DO. OH.

WELL, EVERY MOVIE YOU'VE EVER SEEN FADES IN.

I GUESS.

FADE IN. FADE IN.

"A TRAIN PULLS IN TO A SMALL-TOWN STATION,

AND TWO SINISTER-LOOKING MEN GET OFF THE TRAIN."

IS THAT ALL? THAT'S KIND OF SHORT.

WELL, THAT'S JUST THE FIRST PART

WHERE YOU KIND OF GRAB THE AUDIENCE

BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE ADVERTISEMENT.

GOOD MORNING, SHERIFF, DEPUTY.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY PRODUCER,

MR. GILBERT JAMEL.

GLAD TO MEET YOU, SHERIFF TAYLOR.

DEPUTY FISE. UH, FIFE.

DEPUTY FIFE. SORRY.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

YOU WERE RIGHT, HARVEY -- PERFECT BACKGROUND.

OH, IT'S JUST AN ORDINARY SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

WELL, IT MAY SEEM THAT WAY TO YOU,

BUT IT HAS A CERTAIN RIGHT FEELING ABOUT IT.

THAT'S WHAT I TOLD YOU.

WELL, WON'T YOU ALL SET DOWN?

OH, THANK YOU.

WELL, SHERIFF, I GUESS WE'RE ALL SET TO GO.

NOW, THE FIRST THING WE'VE GOT TO DO

IS COME UP WITH A BIG, EXCITING STORY

FOR A FIRST SHOW,

ONE THAT IS SUSPENSEFUL, DRAMATIC.

WELL, I JUST BEEN WORKING -- BARN.

BOY, YOU FELLOWS SURE MOVE FAST.

WELL, WE CAN'T WASTE ANY TIME IN THIS BUSINESS.

NOT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP UP WITH THE COMPETITION, RIGHT?

WELL, I'M SURE THE SHERIFF HAS HAD

SOME EXPERIENCES WE MIGHT BASE A STORY ON.

OH, NOTHING YOU'D REALLY CALL DRAMATIC, NO.

WELL, I JUST BEEN WORKING ON --

SAY, HOW ABOUT A PLAIN, OLD

OH, I DON'T KNOW. IT'S BEEN DONE TO DEATH.

BUT, GIL, IT'S ALL IN THE WAY YOU DO IT.

BUT IF I GO IN TO JIM

WITH THE FIRST SHOW A BANK ROBBERY...

HE'LL LOVE IT.

Jamel: WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE YOUR MAYBERRY BANK

HAS ENOUGH MONEY TO JUSTIFY A BIG ROBBERY?

WELL, SURE, LIKE TONIGHT --

I'LL BET THEY HAVE CLOSE TO $50,000

IN THAT VAULT ON FRIDAY.

OKAY, IT'S SETTLED.

NOW, THE FIRST THING WE'VE GOT TO DO

IS LOOK OVER THE BANK, GET THE FEEL OF THE PLACE.

I'LL BE GLAD TO TAKE YOU OVER THERE.

FINE!

WHY DON'T I STAY HERE WITH THE SHERIFF

AND GET MORE ABOUT HIS BACKGROUND AND EXPERIENCES?

OH, IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU, SHERIFF?

OH, WELL, SURE.

OH, WELL, UH... SHALL WE BE GOING?

HEY, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. I GOT A GOOD IDEA.

WHEN YOU FINISH ALL YOUR WORK TODAY,

WHY DON'T YOU STOP OVER AT THE HOUSE AND HAVE SUPPER?

AUNT BEE WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE YOU.

SAY, THAT'S AWFULLY NICE OF YOU.

THANK YOU, SHERIFF.

LISTEN, I'LL BE GLAD

TO SHOW YOU AROUND THE BANK,

BECAUSE I KNOW EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY OF IT --

FIRE EXITS, ALARM SYSTEMS, THE WORKS.

I HOPE YOU WON'T GET TOO TECHNICAL FOR US.

OH, NO, NO. I'LL KEEP IT BASIC.

YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE PRIMARY RULES

OF BEING A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER

IS TO BE THOROUGHLY FAMILIAR

WITH THE PLACES A CRIMINAL IS MOST LIKELY TO STRIKE.

WELL, LET'S GO.

SEE YOU LATER.

Andy: WE'LL SEE YOU.

NICE FELLOW.

YOU KNOW, THE LONGER I KNOW YOU,

THE MORE I THINK YOU COULD PLAY THE SHERIFF.

OH, NO. COME ON, COME ON.

NO, I'D PROBABLY FAINT

IF I EVER GOT IN FRONT OF A CAMERA.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY.

I THINK YOU PROBABLY HAVE JUST THE QUALITIES

WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

OH, NOW...

NO, COME ON, M-MISS BLAKE.

OH, "PAT," REMEMBER?

OH. YEAH. PAT.

COME RIGHT ON IN.

NOW, DON'T LET APPEARANCES FOOL YOU.

ACTUALLY, THIS BANK IS EQUIPPED

WITH EVERY KNOWN MODERN SECURITY SYSTEM.

FURTHERMORE...

THE TELLER WINDOWS ARE RIGHT UP HERE.

Asa!

Asa, wake up!

HMM? ASA.

OH, H-HI, BARNEY.

YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO YOUR UNIFORM. DO YOU KNOW THAT?

MR. MELDRIM.

ANDY CALLED AND SAID YOU WERE COMING OVER.

I GUESS YOU MUST BE THE TWO GENTLEMEN FROM THE TV.

YEAH, THIS IS MR. JAMEL, MR. HARVEY.

WELCOME TO MAYBERRY.

MR. MELDRIM IS THE MANAGER OF THE BANK.

WELL, A TV SHOW ABOUT THE SHERIFF OF MAYBERRY, HUH?

I GUESS THAT'S ABOUT THE BIGGEST THING

THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THIS TOWN.

IN THE FIRST SHOW, THE BANK'S GONNA BE ROBBED.

REALLY? OH, I MUST TELL MY WIFE.

SHE'LL BE TICKLED PINK.

MR. MELDRIM, YOU DON'T MIND

IF WE LOOK AROUND, DO YOU?

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

WE MAY WANT TO TAKE SOME PICTURES OF THE VAULT.

I UNDERSTAND.

MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME, GENTLEMEN.

EVERYTHING THE BANK HAS IS YOURS.

THE VAULT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

AUNT BEE, THAT WAS NOT ONLY

ONE OF THE BEST MEALS I'VE EVER HAD,

BUT IT WAS SERVED BY THE MOST CHARMING HOSTESS.

DELICIOUS.

THANK YOU.

WOULD ANYONE CARE FOR SOME MORE COFFEE?

UH, WHEN DO YOU FELLAS FIGURE ON STARTING MAKING THE PICTURE?

WELL, THAT'S HARD TO SAY.

THERE'S A LOT OF PRE-PRODUCTION WORK TO BE DONE YET.

YOU KNOW, I WAS SUGGESTING

TO YOUR NEPHEW THAT HE'D BE PERFECT

FOR THE PART OF THE SHERIFF IN THE PICTURE.

ANDY?

OH. SHE WAS KIDDING.

WELL, WHY NOT?

AFTER ALL, HE IS THE SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN,

AND THAT'S THE CHARACTER.

WELL, YOU KNOW THE ONLY REASON HE DOESN'T CARRY A GUN

IS BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL TOO HEAVY ON ONE SIDE.

NO, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

WELL, HOW DID YOU SAY IT, ANDY?

"WHEN A MAN CARRIES A GUN,

"THE RESPECT HE THINKS HE'S GETTING

MIGHT REALLY BE FEAR."

WE'VE GOT TO USE THAT.

DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT, PA?

WELL...YEAH. GOSH.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU FOLKS PICKED UP THAT LINE I SAID

ABOUT THE LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER

BEING THOROUGHLY FAMILIAR WITH THE PLACES CRIMINALS

ARE MOST LIKELY TO STRIKE.

FEEL FREE TO USE THAT IF YOU WANT TO.

I'VE MADE A NOTE OF THAT.

OH.

WELL, WE'D BETTER GET TO WORK.

NO KIDDING? YOU FELLAS EVEN HAVE TO WORK AT NIGHT?

YES, I IMAGINE WE'RE OFTEN STARTING TO WORK

JUST WHEN YOU PEOPLE IN MAYBERRY ARE GOING TO SLEEP.

WELL, YOU FOLKS IN MAYBERRY

GO TO BED PRETTY EARLY, DO YOU?

WELL, NOT ALL OF US.

SOMETIMES I DON'T GET INTO BED

BEFORE ALMOST 11:00.

NIGHT OWL.

YOU, TOO, SHERIFF?

OH, NO, NOT THAT LATE.

I TRY TO GET INTO BED 10:00, 10:30 AT THE OUTSIDE, REALLY.

WELL, THAT IS SENSIBLE.

I WISH I COULD GET INTO THAT HABIT.

IT'S HEALTHY.

WELL, THIS CERTAINLY HAS BEEN A PLEASANT EVENING.

WELL, I'M SORRY YOU ALL HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, ANDY?

WELL, YEAH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.

I'LL JUST GET THE DOOR.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK TOO HARD.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, MY, WEREN'T THEY LOVELY PEOPLE?

OH, YEAH.

COME ON, OPIE. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED.

Opie: GOOD NIGHT, PA. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, OPE.

OH, YOU KNOW, ANDY,

THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE NICER THEY ARE.

WHO EVER SAID BIG SHOTS IN TV AREN'T FRIENDLY?

I DON'T KNOW. WHO?

THEY'RE FRIENDLY.

WELL, I GUESS I BETTER BE GOING, TOO.

OKAY. LOOK HERE.

HMM. I'LL BE DARNED.

MR. JAMEL LEFT HIS HAT.

WELL, I'LL TAKE IT TO THE COURTHOUSE.

THEY'LL PROBABLY DROP OVER IN THE MORNING.

WELL, I'M GOING TO BE GOING THAT DIRECTION.

I CAN DROP IT OFF AT THE HOTEL.

OH, WELL, OKAY.

YEAH. ALL RIGHT. WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. DON'T SIT UP ALL NIGHT.

Barney: MR. JAMEL!

OH. IT'S YOU, DEPUTY.

UH...CUT! HUH?

WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU.

UH, WE WERE JUST REHEARSING THE ESCAPE SCENE.

I BET YOU THOUGHT IT WAS THE REAL THING.

YOU'RE...REHEARSING? WELL, HOW'D YOU GET IN?

MR. MELDRIM WAS KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE US THE KEY.

IT'S MUCH EASIER WORKING AT NIGHT

WHEN THERE ISN'T ANYBODY AROUND.

OH, WELL, SURE. I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

I HOPE YOU HAVE NO OBJECTION.

OH, NO, OF COURSE NOT. WHY SHOULD I?

OH, YOU LEFT YOUR HAT.

OH, THANK YOU. SAY, I JUST HAD A THOUGHT.

NOW, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP US. ME?

YES! HELP US STAGE THE SCENE.

OH, I THINK HE'D BE EXCELLENT!

YOU KNOW, WE HAVEN'T OVERLOOKED YOU

AS A POSSIBILITY WHEN WE COME TO CASTING.

YOU HAVEN'T?

WELL, GEE, I'D BE GLAD TO HELP.

AS I TOLD YOU, I'VE HAD

CONSIDERABLE THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

WELL, JUST TAKE THIS BAG AND HEAD FOR THE DOOR.

WELL, SURE.

NOW, I AM THE CAMERA.

AND YOU JUST WANT ME TO HEAD STRAIGHT FOR THE DOOR?

MM-HMM. THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, YOU START MOVING, AND I'LL START PANNING.

READY...ACTION!

GOOD.

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

REAL NATURAL.

Barney: ANDY.

WELL...

YOU'RE SPOILING THE ESCAPE SCENE.

WELL, THAT'S KIND OF WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS HAPPENS TO BE A VERY IMPORTANT REHEARSAL.

HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT THE THEATER.

BUT I DO KNOW ABOUT BANKS,

AND THIS ONE'S BEEN LOCKED FOR HOURS.

WELL, THAT SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW.

MR. MELDRIM LOANED THEM THE KEY.

HOW COME THE DOOR'S BEEN JIMMIED?

HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BAG?

WELL, UH...

LET'S JUST HAVE A LOOK.

HMM.

WHERE'D YOU GET THE TIP

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST GOT TO WONDERING

WHY THEY WERE SO INTERESTED IN BANKS

AND WHAT TIME WE GO TO BED AND EVERYTHING.

WELL, LET'S GO OVER TO THE COURTHOUSE.

PAT, MAYBE FOR A CHANGE,

WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND.

Jamel: NOW, TAKE IT EASY, SHERIFF.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN

THE TITLE OF THE SCRIPT --

"SHERIFF WITHOUT A GUN."

UH, IT'S TRUE I DON'T CARRY A GUN,

BUT MY DEPUTIES DO.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE OUT.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

OKAY.

THOUGHT THEY HAD ME FOOLED.

FORGET IT, BARN.

I STILL SAY IT'D MAKE A GREAT TELEVISION SERIES.

OH, COME ON.

AND I STILL SAY WE OUGHT TO TRY

AND GET SOME HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER INTERESTED IN IT.

OH, THEY WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN A THING LIKE THIS.

LOOK, STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.

AND I'VE ALREADY GOT A PRETTY GOOD LINEUP

ON THE FIRST STORY.

YOU FIGURING ON US PLAYING THE PARTS, TOO?

WELL, I'M NOT RULING OUT ANYTHING.

NOW, LOOK, IT'S STILL A BANK ROBBERY.

NOW, THE CROOKS COME INTO TOWN, THEY PUT UP IN A HOTEL,

AND I IMMEDIATELY GET SUSPICIOUS

AND START KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM.

FROM VARIOUS VANTAGE POINTS, I WATCH THEIR EVERY MOVE.

WHERE AM I?

OH, WELL, YOU HAPPEN

TO BE OUT OF TOWN FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

WE DO A NICE WARM SCENE WITH YOU IN A RESTAURANT.

NOW, THE CROOKS CASE THE BANK

AND THE TOWN FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS,

AND I'M WATCHING THEM EVERY SECOND OF THE TIME.

OH, YOU FINALLY COME BACK INTO TOWN, BY THE WAY.

NOW, WHEN THE ROBBERY IS TALKING PLACE,

I ENTER THE BANK WITH MY GUN DRAWN.

WELL, WHAT AM I DOING?

OH. WELL, YOU'VE COME DOWN WITH A VIRUS INFECTION.

YOU'RE AT HOME IN BED,

AND AUNT BEE IS BRINGING YOU CHICKEN SOUP.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF HEART.

YOU KNOW, IT DON'T SEEM TO ME LIKE THE SHERIFF'S

GOT MUCH TO DO IN THIS.

WELL, GEE, I DON'T GET THAT FEELING AT ALL, AND.

I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER SCENE A VIRUS SCENE PROPERLY PLAYED?

IT COULD BE THE HIGH SPOT OF THE PICTURE.