Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

LISTEN, IS THAT IRON BED STILL SITTING IN THE GARAGE?

WELL, I'D MOVE THAT OUT IF I WAS YOU.

YEAH. OKAY, MR. CLARK.

I HOPE I CAN BE OF SOME HELP TO YOU.

RIGHT. RIGHT. BYE.

MORNING, BARN.

MORNING, ANDY.

BOY, YOU SURE ARE DOING A LOT OF FIGURING.

WHAT, ARE YOU BUYING A HOUSE?

WHAT?

YOU BUYING A HOUSE?

OH, NO.

NOT ME PERSONALLY.

I'M IN THE BUSINESS.

HMM. WHAT BUSINESS?

THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS.

SINCE WHEN YOU BEEN IN THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS?

WAIT A MINUTE.

COME ON. SINCE WHEN YOU BEEN IN THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS?

...FIFTY-FOUR.

SINCE I TALKED TO MR. SCHLEMMER

THE REAL ESTATE MAN.

YEAH?

I BUMPED INTO HIM AT THE DINER

AND HE GOT ME TO THINKING.

YEAH?

WELL, HERE'S OLD MAN SCHLEMMER

SITS AROUND HIS OFFICE ALL DAY LONG

SMOKING A BIG, FAT CIGAR

AND NEVER STIRS UNLESS SOMEBODY WANTS TO BUY SOMETHING.

THEN HE TAKES THEM OUT

IN THAT OLD RATTLETRAP CAR OF HIS

AND IF THEY BUY, HE COLLECTS FIVE PERCENT.

NOW, HAS HE GOT IT MADE, OR HAS HE GOT IT MADE?

WELL, FIVE PERCENT.

YEAH. I TELL YOU, ANDY, A YOUNGER GUY WITH SOME DRIVE...

LOOK. I ALREADY GOT TWO DEALS COOKING.

NO KIDDING?

YEAH. LAST NIGHT I MADE ABOUT TEN TELEPHONE CALLS--

JUST KIND OF, YOU KNOW, FISHING IN THE DARK--

AND I GOT TWO HOT BITES.

WHO?

CLARKS AND THE MORTONSENS.

YOU MEAN THE CLARKS AND THE MORTONSENS

WANT TO SELL THEIR HOUSES, AND YOU GOT CUSTOMERS?

NO, NO, ANDY.

NO, IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

YOU SEE, THE CLARKS WANT TO SELL THEIR HOUSE

AND BUY A BIGGER HOUSE.

NOW, THE MORTONSENS' HOUSE

IS JUST PERFECT FOR 'EM

SO I'M GONNA PUT THE CLARKS IN THE MORTONSENS' HOUSE

AND THEN THE MORTONSENS ARE GOING TO GET

AN EVEN BIGGER PLACE.

WELL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PUT THE MORTONSENS?

IN THE SIMS PLACE OVER ON ELMWOOD.

THE SIMSES WANT TO SELL THEIR HOUSE?

THEY WILL IF THEY CAN FIND WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

REALLY? YEAH.

SURE SEEMS A LOT OF ACTIVITY IN THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS

ALL OF A SUDDEN.

WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY ALL OF A SUDDEN, ANDY.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE BENEATH THE SURFACE.

I TELL YOU, I BEEN IN THIS BUSINESS

LESS THAN 24 HOURS

AND I'VE ALREADY LEARNED SOMETHING FANTASTIC.

WHAT'S THAT?

EVERYBODY WANTS TO SELL THEIR HOUSE.

WHAT?

NINE OUT OF TEN PEOPLE ARE NOT COMPLETELY HAPPY

WITH THE HOUSE THEY LIVE IN, AND THEY'D SELL IN A MINUTE

IF SOMEBODY'D JUST GIVE 'EM A NUDGE.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

IT'S TRUE.

JUST GIVE 'EM A LITTLE NUDGE, AND THEY SELL THEIR HOUSE.

WELL...

I'LL TELL YOU ONE FELLA THAT'S COMPLETELY SATISFIED

WITH THE HOUSE HE'S LIVING IN.

THAT'S ME.

YES, SIR.

OH, YEAH?

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

THE WILLIAMS HOUSE WAS AVAILABLE?

YOU MEAN THAT WHITE HOUSE OUT ON THE HIGHWAY

WITH ALL THE BIG TREES?

UH-HUH. THE ONE YOU ALWAYS POINT OUT TO ME

EVERY TIME WE DRIVE BY.

WOULD YOU SELL YOUR HOUSE IF I TOLD YOU

I COULD PUT YOU IN THE WILLIAMS HOUSE?

WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW THE WILLIAMSES WANT TO SELL?

I CALLED 'EM LAST NIGHT.

THEY SAID THEY WOULD IF THE PRICE WAS RIGHT.

OH. WELL, THEY'D PROBABLY WANT A WHOLE LOT FOR IT.

ANDY, SUPPOSE I TOLD YOU

THAT I COULD PUT YOU IN THAT LITTLE UNIT FOR $3,500?

YOU'RE KIDDING. $3,500?

SURE. WE COULD GET 24 FOR YOUR PLACE

THEN WE COULD PICK UP THE WILLIAMSES' FOR 27.5.

YOU COULD GET A MORTGAGE AT THE BANK FOR THE DIFFERENCE

AND PSST! YOU'RE IN THE WILLIAMS HOUSE!

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

IT STARTS YOU THINKING, DON'T IT, AND?

YEAH, IT DOES.

KIND OF A FARFETCHED IDEA, BUT...

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TALK IT OVER WITH AUNT BEE TONIGHT

AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS?

WELL, I...

WELL, WHAT ARE WE DOING?

IS THIS A REAL ESTATE OFFICE

OR A SHERIFF'S OFFICE?

HERE IT IS 9:00, TEN MINUTES AFTER 9:00

WE'RE TALKING HOUSES AND REAL ESTATE

AND WE GOT WORK TO DO.

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S JUST A SIDELINE.

IT'S STRICTLY FOR OFF-DUTY HOURS.

THE REST OF THE TIME, I'M YOUR DEPUTY SHERIFF

AND NOTHING ELSE.

WELL, LONG AS YOU KEEP IT LIKE THAT

IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

FIFE REALTY.

UH, SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

OH, HI, PAW.

HI, SHERIFF.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOWARD'S TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER TO BUY MY BIKE.

OH. WELL, IF HE BUYS YOUR BIKE

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

OPE? IF HE BUYS YOUR BIKE, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

WELL, I'LL TAKE THE FIVE DOLLARS

AND PUT IT WITH THE MONEY I'VE SAVED

AND BUY ANOTHER ONE.

OH.

FIVE DOLLARS, HUH?

YEAH.

THINK THAT'S A FAIR PRICE, SHERIFF?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

DID HE, UH...

DID HE TELL YOU ABOUT THE COASTER BRAKE?

NO. WHAT ABOUT THE COASTER BRAKE?

WELL, IT SLIPS, DOESN'T IT?

WELL, JUST SOMETIMES, PAW.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT.

AND, UH, THIS, UH...

THIS CHAIN HERE

KEEPS COMING APART, DOESN'T IT?

HEY, YEAH, THERE'S A PIECE OF WIRE IN THERE.

WELL, WHEN IT BUSTS

YOU JUST PUT IN ANOTHER PIECE OF WIRE.

AND THESE INNER TUBES ARE PRETTY OLD. ABOUT SHOT.

THEY'RE BOTH JUST COVERED WITH PATCHES.

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ANY OF THIS STUFF.

WELL, YOU NEVER ASKED.

SO WHAT? YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME ANYWAY.

NO, I SHOULDN'T, SHOULD I, PAW?

SHOULD I HAVE TOLD HIM IF HE DIDN'T ASK?

WELL, I THINK SO, OPE.

IF YOU'RE SELLING SOMETHING

THE BUYER'S GOT A RIGHT TO KNOW EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG WITH IT.

OTHERWISE, IT'S NOT QUITE HONEST.

OH.

IT'S ABOUT SUPPERTIME, OPE.

YOU BETTER COME IN PRETTY SOON AND WASH UP.

SEE YOU, HOWARD.

I WILL, PAW.

I'LL LET YOU HAVE IT FOR $4.

I WOULDN'T TAKE THIS PIECE OF JUNK IF YOU GIVE IT TO ME.

OH, BOY. MMM. LOOK AT THAT CAKE.

MMM.

YOU SURE RUINED THE DEAL ON MY BIKE, PAW.

HE WAS GOING TO BUY THAT BIKE BEFORE YOU TOLD HIM WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

WOULD YOU HAVE FELT GOOD ABOUT IT IF HE HAD BOUGHT IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I'D HAVE HAD FIVE DOLLARS.

OPE, LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE TALK IN FAIR DEALING.

CAN I GET A GLASS OF WATER FIRST?

GO AHEAD.

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A BIKE?

OH, HE WAS TRYING TO SELL HOWIE HIS BIKE FOR FIVE DOLLARS,

AND HE WAS HIDING A FEW OF THE FACTS.

OHH. YEAH.

TURN IT ALL THE WAY, OPE.

YOU GOT TO TURN THE FAUCET ALL THE WAY.

Opie: OKAY, PAW!

ANDY, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET THAT FIXED?

I DON'T KNOW.

LAST TIME MR. FERRIS WAS OUT,

HE SAID WE MIGHT NEED A WHOLE NEW PLUMBING SYSTEM.

WELL, I SURE HATE IT.

IT SETS MY TEETH ON EDGE.

HEY, UH... HOW'D YOU LIKE TO MOVE?

OH, ANDY, BE SERIOUS.

WELL, I AM, KIND OF.

YOU KNOW, I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT BARNEY

BEING IN THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS.

YES.

THERE'S SOMETHING I DIDN'T TELL YOU.

HE SAYS THE WILLIAMSES MIGHT WANT TO SELL THEIR HOUSE.

THE WILLIAMSES?

YOU MEAN THAT PRETTY PLACE?

WITH ALL THE BIG TREES, YEAH.

OH.

OH, BUT YOU COULDN'T AFFORD THAT, COULD YOU, ANDY?

WELL, ACCORDING TO BARNEY, I COULD.

SEE, WE COULD SELL OUR HOUSE

AND THERE'D BE SOME DIFFERENCE IN PRICE, OF COURSE.

BUT HE SAYS WE CAN GET

A SMALL MORTGAGE AT THE BANK

AND WE'D BE IN THE WILLIAMS HOUSE.

WE GOING TO MOVE, PAW?

OH, NOT REALLY.

WE'RE JUST TALKING.

OH, I WONDER WHO THAT CAN BE.

I DON'T KNOW. I'LL GO SEE.

I GOT A COUPLE OUT IN THE CAR. OKAY TO BRING THEM IN?

YOU GOT WHAT?

A COUPLE OF CUSTOMERS. THE SIMS.

THEY WANT TO SEE YOUR HOUSE. YOU MEAN NOW?

YEAH, NOW. WHAT IS IT, ANDY?

BARNEY'S GOT A COUPLE IN THE CAR. THEY WANT TO SEE THE HOUSE.

YOU MEAN NOW?

YEAH, IS IT OKAY?

NO, NO.

I CAN'T HAVE PEOPLE COME IN JUST LIKE THAT.

I HAVE TO STRAIGHTEN UP THE PLACE.

THE HOUSE IS A MESS.

YEAH, HOW ABOUT HAVING THEM COME SOME OTHER TIME, OKAY?

NO, NO, NO, NO!

NOW, I'VE BEEN TELLING THEM ABOUT THE HOUSE

AND I GOT THEM WORKED UP TO A FEVER PITCH.

WE CAN'T LET THEM COOL OFF.

THIS MIGHT BE IT.

BESIDES, THE HOUSE LOOKS GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU ASHAMED OF?

I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DO YOU SAY, AUNT BEE?

WELL, I GUESS ALL RIGHT.

GIVE US A FEW MINUTES, WILL YOU, BARNEY?

I'LL STALL THEM AS LONG AS I CAN.

YEAH.

PUT THOSE BOOKS AWAY.

OH, OKAY.

OPIE, OPIE, PICK UP YOUR HOMEWORK

AND THAT SWEATER.

OH, WHERE IS THERE A DUSTER?

OH, THERE'S NO TIME FOR A DUSTER.

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH ALL THIS?

TAKE IT UPSTAIRS.

NO, NO, NO, PUT IT IN THE CLOSET.

PUT EVERYTHING IN THE CLOSET, COME ON.

PUT IT RIGHT HERE IN THE CORNER, YEAH.

OKAY.

COME ON IN, FOLKS. RIGHT ON IN.

THIS IS SHERIFF TAYLOR AND AUNT BEE.

THE SIMS.

HELLO. I'VE SEEN YOU UPTOWN.

OH, MY BOY WAS IN THE CLOSET.

THAT'S, UH, OPIE.

HE'S A BRIGHT LITTLE LAD.

AREN'T YOU, OPE?

UH, MY NAME IS LILA.

OH.

LILA.

HOPE WE'RE NOT DISTURBING YOU FOLKS TOO MUCH.

NO.

NO, IT IS KIND OF SHORT NOTICE, THOUGH.

WE REALLY WEREN'T EXPECTING ANYBODY THIS EVENING.

I'M AFRAID YOU WON'T FIND THE HOUSE IN VERY GOOD ORDER.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, AUNT BEE?

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES

IT LOOKS AS GOOD AS IT EVER DID.

I MEAN, AUNT BEE ALWAYS KEEPS THIS PLACE IN APPLE-PIE ORDER.

I CAN SEE THAT.

YES.

UH, WE, UH, WERE THINKING

OF...OF PAINTING IN HERE

IN A MONTH OR SO.

OH.

WELL...

THERE IS A LITTLE WORK TO BE DONE

BUT WITH YOUR IMAGINATION

YOU FOLKS COULD REALLY DO SOMETHING WITH THIS PLACE.

Aunt Bee: WE'VE REALLY BEEN VERY COMFORTABLE HERE.

WE'VE BEEN VERY HAPPY HERE, HAVEN'T WE, ANDY?

YES, YES, WE HAVE.

WE'VE LOVED THE PLACE.

WELL, I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.

THEY REALLY HAVE LOVED THIS PLACE.

YOU REALLY HAVE LOVED IT.

YEAH.

HARRY... HMM?

ASK THEM WHY THEY'RE SELLING.

EXCUSE ME-- IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING

JUST WHY ARE YOU FOLKS SELLING THIS PLACE?

WELL, IT'S TOO SMALL. IT'S TOO LARGE.

Barney: WHAT THEY MEAN IS

IT'S TOO SMALL IN SOME PLACES

AND TOO LARGE IN OTHERS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. TAYLOR?

YES.

I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE

YOU WANTED TO BUY THE WILLIAMS HOUSE, PAW.

UH, WELL...

I MEAN, IF WE SELL THIS HOUSE

THEN MAYBE WE MIGHT BUY THE WILLIAMS PLACE.

WHERE'S THE WILLIAMS PLACE?

OH, IT'S WAY OUT.

IT'S IN ANOTHER PART OF TOWN.

THAT'S NOT FOR YOU FOLKS, BELIEVE ME.

NOT FOR YOU. NOT AT ALL.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE TAKE A LOOK AT THE HOUSE?

THIS IS THE KITCHEN.

YEAH, THE KITCHEN.

BOY, LOOK AT ALL THIS CUPBOARD SPACE.

OH, YES.

IS A LOT OF CUPBOARD SPACE.

DO YOU LIKE THE KITCHEN?

THIS ISN'T A BAD KITCHEN.

A GOOD KITCHEN'S VERY IMPORTANT TO MY WIFE.

YES.

I ACTUALLY PAINTED THIS KITCHEN ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO.

OH?

YEAH. GAVE IT TWO COATS.

CAN'T EVEN SEE THAT CRACK ANYMORE.

CRACK?

Opie: PAW PAINTED OVER IT

SO YOU CAN'T SEE IT ANYMORE.

BOY, LOOK AT THESE WINDOWS.

THE SUN COMES THROUGH THERE

IN THE DAYTIME.

THESE ARE GREAT FLOORS.

THIS LINOLEUM'S ONLY BEEN DOWN A COUPLE OF YEARS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. TAYLOR? UH, YEAH.

HARRY? WHAT?

THERE'S THE CRACK. WHERE?

I SEE IT NOW.

WHERE? OH, YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, THAT JUST SHOWS THE HOUSE HAS SETTLED.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S NOT TOO IMPORTANT.

NO.

YOU GOING TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE NOISE IN THE FAUCETS?

NOISE?

YOU GOT TO BE SURE AND TURN THEM ON ALL THE WAY.

OTHERWISE, THEY DO THAT.

IT PROBABLY JUST NEEDS A 10-CENT WASHER.

TURN IT OFF NOW, OPE.

WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE A LOOK

AT THE REST OF THE HOUSE?

WELL, THAT JUST ABOUT DOES IT.

I GUESS YOU'VE SEEN EVERYTHING

INCLUDING THE ATTIC.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF THINGS

THAT NEED FIXING, AREN'T THERE?

WELL, ALL MINOR THINGS.

I MEAN, A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL WILL COVER THE WORKS.

YOU PUT A HUNDRED DOLLARS INTO THIS PLACE

AND IT WILL BE AS GOOD AS NEW.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO, MR. TAYLOR?

OH... YEAH. OH, YEAH.

I'D SAY THAT.

DID YOU FORGET TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE ROOF, PAW?

ROOF?

Opie: YOU KNOW, THE WAY IT LEAKS?

THE ROOF LEAKS.

UH, WELL, YEAH...

IF IT WAS TO COME A REAL BIG, HEAVY RAIN

THEN IT MIGHT LEAK A DROP OR TWO.

Opie: BUT, PAW

IT WAS ONLY DRIZZLING LAST WEEK

AND YOU HAD TO GET OUT THAT BIG BUCKET.

WELL, I THINK WE'VE SEEN THE PICTURE.

GOOD NIGHT.

AND THANK YOU, SHERIFF, FOR LETTING US...

CHARMING HOUSE.

WAIT, WAIT... WAIT A MINUTE.

OPIE.

WHAT, PAW?

YOU DID THAT JUST TO GET EVEN, DIDN'T YOU?

DID WHAT, PAW?

SAYIN' ALL THOSE THINGS ABOUT THE HOUSE

WHILE THE SIMSES WERE HERE.

YOU WERE GETTIN' BACK AT ME

FOR RUININ' THE DEAL ON YOUR BIKE.

ISN'T THAT IT?

OH, NO, PAW.

BECAUSE IF YOU WERE...

I WASN'T, PAW.

I WASN'T. HONEST.

THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT?

WELL, I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

WHAT?

THAT IF YOU'RE SELLIN' SOMETHIN'

YOU SHOULD TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH ABOUT IT

OR ELSE IT AIN'T HONEST.

THAT DON'T JUST GO FOR BIKES, DOES IT, PAW?

IT GOES FOR HOUSES, TOO, DON'T IT?

OH.

WELL, UH...

OPIE...

THE FACT IS BIKES ARE BIKES AND HOUSES ARE HOUSES.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

NO, PAW.

WELL, MAYBE I CAN, UH...

CAN CLEAR IT UP FOR YOU.

WHEN-WHEN I BOUGHT THIS HOUSE FROM OLD MAN PARMALEY

THE CRACK WAS ALREADY IN THE CEILING OF THE KITCHEN

AND MR. PARMALEY HAD JUST PAINTED THE KITCHEN.

SO IT WOULDN'T SHOW?

THAT'S RIGHT.

AN-AND WHEN MR. PARMALEY BOUGHT THE HOUSE

THERE WERE PROBABLY THINGS WRONG WITH IT AT THAT TIME

AND HE WASN'T TOLD EITHER

SO HE JUST PASSED IT ON TO ME.

NOW, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS, OPE.

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

YOU MEAN THAT... THAT KIDS SHOULD BE HONEST

BUT THE GROWNUPS DON'T HAVE TO BE?

OH... NO. NO.

NO, IT, UH...

IT'S NOT THAT.

IT'S JUST, UH, LIKE I SAID, UH...

BIKES ARE BIKES AND HOUSES ARE HOUSES.

YOU BETTER GO TO BED.

OKAY, PAW.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT BOY OF YOURS COST ME?

NO. WHAT?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU TO THE PENNY WHAT HE COST ME-- $3,478.

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

IT'S SIMPLE. JUST FIGURE IT OUT.

I HAVE THE CLARKS BUYING THE MORTONSES' HOUSE,

THE MORTONSES BUYING THE SIMS HOUSE,

THE SIMS BUYING YOUR HOUSE,

AND YOU BUYING THE WILLIAMS HOUSE.

ADD THE TOTAL, TAKE 5%, AND WHAT DO YOU GOT?

$3,478.

OH, I KNOW, BARN...

3,478 SIMOLEONS

UNTIL THAT KID OF YOURS OPENED HIS BIG MOUTH.

WELL, NOW, BARN...

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

UH, HELLO, MR. SIMS.

SIMS.

UH, MR. SIMS,

THE REASON I BEEN TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU IS THAT

I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WASN'T SOME WAY THAT WE...

YOU CAN'T TALK NOW?

WELL, UH, UH, COULD I SEE YOU THIS EVENING?

MAYBE...

OH, PLEASE, MR. SIMS.

IF I COULD JUST HAVE FIVE MINUTES OF YOUR TIME...

THIS EVENING AT 7:00? OH, FINE. FINE.

YEAH, TH-THANK YOU. THANK YOU. BYE.

BLESS YOU. BLESS YOU.

YOU'RE GONNA SEE HIM, HUH?

YEAH, AND I'M GONNA DO MY DARNDEST

TO GET HIM INTERESTED IN YOUR HOUSE AGAIN.

JUST KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED.

YEAH.

$3,478.

HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME.

HERE, HERE.

HERE, SIT DOWN.

OPIE, OVER THERE.

OH, NO, THAT DOESN'T LOOK NATURAL.

COME OVER HERE.

OPIE, DOWN.

HERE. HERE. LAY DOWN. READ THIS.

I'VE ALREADY READ IT.

READ IT AGAIN. AND, OPE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

COME IN.

OH.

MR. TAYLOR, AUNT BEE.

OH... OH...

HELLO.

HELLO.

MR. SIMS, MRS. SIMS.

HELLO.

COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN

AND MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.

WELL, JUST FOR A MINUTE.

YES, COME ON IN.

HERE, YOU JUST...

WELL, JUST SIT DOWN.

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME.

WELL, HERE'S THE THING, MR. TAYLOR.

WE'VE HAD A LITTLE TALK THIS EVENING

AND THE SIMSES FEEL

THAT THEY MIGHT LIKE TO TAKE ANOTHER LOOK

AT YOUR HOUSE.

Mr. Sims: YES, YOU SEE,

LILA LIKES SOME THINGS ABOUT THE HOUSE VERY WELL.

OH, I SEE.

Barney: AND LIKE I TOLD MR. SIMS

THERE'S NOTHING REALLY WRONG WITH THE PLACE.

IT'S JUST THAT THE BOY, UH

SAID THOSE THINGS, YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT

AND WE KNOW HOW KIDS EXAGGERATE.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. TAYLOR?

WELL...

KIDS DO TEND TO, UH... EXAGGERATE...

BUT, UH...

IN, UH, IN-IN THIS CASE

EVERYTHING THE BOY SAID WAS TRUE.

HUH?

WELL, THE ROOF DOES LEAK, AND THE PIPES DO RATTLE,

AND THERE IS A CRACK IN THE CEILING OF THE KITCHEN.

I GOT TO... I GOT TO LEVEL WITH YOU.

THE HOUSE IS 35 YEARS OLD

AND THERE ARE THINGS WRONG WITH IT.

AND...

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M JUST SAYING THERE ARE THINGS WRONG WITH THE HOUSE.

IT'S NOT PERFECT.

SHERIFF TAYLOR

DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER CUSTOMER?

WHAT?

DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE INTERESTED?

NO, NOT A SOUL.

IS THAT WHY YOU'RE TRYING TO TALK US OUT OF THIS?

NO. NOW, LOOK, I'VE BEEN

THROUGH THINGS LIKE THIS BEFORE.

LET'S NOT PLAY CAT AND MOUSE.

WE LIKE THIS HOUSE. WE'LL TAKE IT.

THAT'S RIGHT, AT YOU PRICE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIGN THE DEAL NOW?

OOH, I GOT THE PAPERS RIGHT HERE.

WELL, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

ARE YOU HOLDING US UP FOR MORE MONEY?

NO, NO, NO, NO, THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.

OUR-OUR DECISION TO SELL THIS HOUSE

WAS BASED ON OUR BEING ABLE TO GET THE WILLIAMS HOUSE

AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN IN THAT HOUSE FOR YEARS.

ANDY, WHY DON'T YOU AND AUNT BEE RUN OVER

AND HAVE A LOOK AT IT?

IT'S STILL EARLY.

I'LL STAY HERE WITH THE SIMSES.

WELL, I SUPPOSE WE COULD.

I'LL JUST GIVE THEM A CALL AND WE'LL JUST...

HERE'S THE PHONE.

STILL IN THE SAME PLACE.

WELL, YOU SURE HAVE DONE IT UP LOVELY.

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

ISN'T IT JUST-- JUST PRETTY?

OH, BEAUTIFUL, JUST BEAUTIFUL.

DAD? OH, HI.

MISS BEE, SHERIFF, THIS IS MY SON HOWIE.

WE KNOW HOWIE. HOW'S THE BIKE BUSINESS, HOWIE? FINE.

HOWIE, YOUR FEET ARE ALL WET. LOOK AT THE CARPET.

OH, I FORGOT. I'M SORRY.

HAVE YOU BEEN DOWN AT THE CREEK THIS TIME OF NIGHT?

NO, DAD, I'VE BEEN HERE ALL THE TIME, DOWN IN THE BASEMENT, SAILING THE BOAT.

"DOWN IN THE BASEMENT, SAILING THE BOAT"?

YEAH, THERE'S ABOUT A FOOT OF WATER DOWN THERE. IT'S GREAT.

THERE'S A FOOT OF WATER IN YOUR BASEMENT?

WELL... SOMETIMES...

AFTER A HEAVY RAIN.

Howie: SOMETIMES THERE'S A LOT MORE,

BUT THERE'S PLENTY FOR SAILING RIGHT NOW.

OH.

THE THING I WANTED TO TELL YOU, DAD--

THE CRACK IN THE FURNACE IS GETTING A LOT BIGGER

AND YOU CAN SEE THE FLAME REAL CLEAR.

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE

TO GET A NEW ONE, LIKE THE MAN SAID.

MR. WILLIAMS, UH, I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE BOTH JUST STAY WHERE WE ARE

AND YOU TEND TO YOUR BASEMENT

AND I'LL TEND TO OUR PLUMBING

AND THE HOLES IN THE ROOF

AND WE'LL JUST STAY WHERE WE ARE?

WELL, IT'S A SHAME IT COULDN'T WORK OUT.

WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER GO.

WE WILL.

OH, I BETTER WARN BARNEY.

COULD-COULD I USE YOUR PHONE?

OH, OF COURSE. OVER BY THE DOOR.

OH, AUNT BEE...

UH, SARAH, THIS IS SHERIFF TAYLOR.

WILL YOU GET ME MY HOUSE?

UH, HEY, BARNEY, LISTEN, THIS IS ANDY.

WE'RE OVER AT THE WILLIAMSES'.

UH... NO... WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAI-WAI-WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

LISTEN, UH, MR. WILLIAMS AND I HAVE DECIDED

TO STAY WHERE WE ARE.

BARNEY: Renege! Because that's not fair, Andy.

I mean, I've got to do business, and you can't do this.

And another thing--

You're not being very fair to Mr. and Mrs. Sims.

They love the house.

They want to buy it even with the ceiling crack.

Now you change your mind

and that just leaves everybody hanging.

WELL, YOU SURE ARE BUSY.

ANOTHER REAL ESTATE DEAL?

NO, NO, I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF IT, AND.

OH, YOU ARE? YEAH.

DIDN'T WORK OUT, HUH?

NO, JUST WASN'T FOR ME.

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS.

I MEAN, YOU GOT ENOUGH TO DO AROUND HERE

WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT OTHER FOLKS' HOUSES.

THAT'S GOT TO BE A HEADACHE.

YEAH.

WHAT ARE ALL THOSE FIGURES?

JUST A SECOND, AND.

YEAH.

AND...YOU'VE BEEN WANTING A CAR, HAVEN'T YOU?

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T ALWAYS USE THE SQUAD CAR FOR GOING OUT.

WHAT?

NOW, I CAN GET YOU A 1961 CONVERTIBLE HARD-TOP

AT A FANTASTIC PRICE.

HERE'S WHAT IT'S GOT.

IT'S GOT RADIO AND HEATER, WHITEWALL TIRES,

RECAPPED, OVERHAULED TRANSMISSION,

RECONDITIONED MOTOR, FRESHLY CHARGED BATTERY,

NEARLY NEW CRANK CASE,

EXTRA-LENGTH RADIO ANTENNA WITH RACCOON TAIL,

BRAND-NEW PAINT JOB, WHITE ROOF AND HUCKLEBERRY BODY,

AND ALL THIS FOR -- YOU READY, AND?

HEY.

ANDY!