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1
00:00:04,734 --> 00:00:07,767
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:58,667 --> 00:00:59,801
Excuse me.
3
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:02,567
We're looking for
Louie De Palma.
4
00:01:02,601 --> 00:01:05,033
Well, we got one, but ours
is in the men's room.
5
00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,434
( chuckles )
Can I help you?
6
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,934
Yeah. We're with
the Immigration
Department.
7
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,200
Oh?
8
00:01:10,234 --> 00:01:11,767
We're trying to find
a Latka Gravas.
9
00:01:11,801 --> 00:01:13,501
A Latka Gravas?
10
00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:17,200
Do you mind if I see
your identification?
11
00:01:17,234 --> 00:01:18,534
Thank you.
12
00:01:18,567 --> 00:01:21,767
I never heard of him.
13
00:01:21,801 --> 00:01:23,868
Gentlemen, we're going
to grab a cup of coffee.
14
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:26,200
We'll be back in a few
minutes to see Mr. De Palma.
15
00:01:26,234 --> 00:01:27,601
Fine.
16
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:30,601
Latka.
17
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:31,868
Get out of there.
18
00:01:31,901 --> 00:01:34,000
Latka.
19
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:37,601
What do those men from
the Immigration Department
want to see you for?
20
00:01:37,634 --> 00:01:38,534
They send letter.
21
00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:39,534
Let me see.
22
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:40,734
Yeah, it's from
23
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,934
the Immigration Department.
24
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,667
Latka, how long ago
did you get this?
25
00:01:44,701 --> 00:01:45,501
Two weeks.
26
00:01:45,534 --> 00:01:46,868
How come you
27
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:49,400
didn't have any of us
translate it for you?
28
00:01:49,434 --> 00:01:50,501
Did it myself.
29
00:01:50,534 --> 00:01:52,200
How far did
you get?
30
00:01:52,234 --> 00:01:53,200
"Dear Allen."
31
00:01:53,234 --> 00:01:54,734
That's "Alien."
32
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,234
Latka's Student Visa
ran out a month ago.
33
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,534
Listen to this. "If you do not
contact this office by"--
34
00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:04,167
that's four days ago--
35
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,200
"a warrant will be issued
for your arrest."
36
00:02:07,234 --> 00:02:08,601
Uh-oh.
37
00:02:08,634 --> 00:02:10,801
Latka, those men were here
today to arrest you.
38
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,467
What means "arrest"?
39
00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:13,501
Prison.
40
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,634
Uh... behind bars.
41
00:02:16,734 --> 00:02:17,367
Jail.
42
00:02:18,634 --> 00:02:19,801
Police.
43
00:02:19,834 --> 00:02:21,634
Oh, no. I...
( speaks native language )
44
00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:23,067
Latka, Latka,
Latka, sit down.
45
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,267
Just sit down.
46
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,901
Latka, La...
Do you have your papers?
47
00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:26,901
Papers?
48
00:02:26,934 --> 00:02:27,901
Papers.
49
00:02:27,934 --> 00:02:30,501
Zigzags?
50
00:02:30,534 --> 00:02:32,767
No.
51
00:02:32,801 --> 00:02:35,501
You know, Latka,
you're in real trouble.
52
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:37,400
Hey, hey, hey,
what's the big deal?
53
00:02:37,434 --> 00:02:38,968
The worst thing that can happen
54
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,067
is they send you back
where you came from.
55
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:44,300
You ever see any of the letters
Latka gets from his homeland?
56
00:02:44,334 --> 00:02:46,901
They have postage stamps
that honor barbed wire.
57
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,334
Okay, you bozos.
58
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:51,734
I cleaned all
your filthy graffiti
59
00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:54,000
off the walls of the can.
60
00:02:54,033 --> 00:02:55,801
And I want you to know
61
00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:59,000
what you wrote about me
in there was disgusting.
62
00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:00,901
Some of it ain't even true.
63
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:02,000
You should see
64
00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:03,501
what's written
about you
65
00:03:03,534 --> 00:03:05,868
on the walls of
the ladies' room.
66
00:03:05,901 --> 00:03:07,834
I know what it says in there.
67
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:09,567
I wrote it.
68
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,200
Hey, Louie, Louie,
a couple of guys...
69
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,367
a couple of guys came in here
looking for Latka.
70
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,767
They said they're going to come
back and talk to you.
71
00:03:17,801 --> 00:03:19,634
What do they
want Latka for?
72
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:21,934
They want to arrest him
as an illegal alien.
73
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,467
So, why didn't you
just give him to them?
74
00:03:23,501 --> 00:03:24,934
Do I have to do everything
around here?
75
00:03:24,968 --> 00:03:26,300
What?
76
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:27,634
Louie, we've got to help Latka.
77
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,000
This is very serious.
78
00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:30,634
Serious? What's serious?
ALEX:
Hey, Louie!
79
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,167
You're not going to
turn him in, are you?
80
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,033
Well, I ain't lying to no feds.
81
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:35,167
I can't do it.
82
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,133
I won't do it.
83
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:39,200
You can get into too much
trouble doing that.
84
00:03:39,234 --> 00:03:40,734
Those guys scare me.
85
00:03:40,767 --> 00:03:43,067
Louie, this is Latka's life
we're talking about here.
86
00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:44,667
If we don't
help the guy,
87
00:03:44,701 --> 00:03:45,868
we may lose him.
88
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:47,000
So?
89
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:48,400
Oh, come on, Louie.
90
00:03:48,434 --> 00:03:50,400
I don't want to embarrass you,
91
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:53,834
but if it's anybody you
sort of love, it's Latka.
92
00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:55,634
Hey, John,
it's not going to work.
93
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:57,634
You're laying it on
a little thick.
94
00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:59,267
No, he's not.
95
00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:04,133
Latka's the poodle
I never had.
96
00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:06,300
Bring on those cops!
97
00:04:06,334 --> 00:04:07,501
Hey!
( cheering )
98
00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,033
ALEX:
Get Latka outside.
99
00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:10,534
Come on, Latka.
Under the cab.
100
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:11,601
Pretend like...
101
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:12,634
Hey! They're coming.
102
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:13,667
All right, all right.
103
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:15,167
Just be normal.
Just be normal.
104
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,634
JOHN:
I don't think
this is a full deck.
105
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,734
BOBBY:
Doesn't make any difference.
They'll never know.
106
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,868
They'll never know.
Officer!
107
00:04:20,901 --> 00:04:21,968
What are you doing?
108
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,167
They like
to be called officers.
109
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,501
Did Mr. De Palma
come back?
110
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,100
Ah, yes, sir.
Right there.
111
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:30,033
Are you Louie De Palma?
112
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:31,601
Yes, I am.
113
00:04:31,634 --> 00:04:33,767
We're investigators
from the Department
114
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,701
of Immigration
and Naturalization.
115
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,033
He's under that cab.
116
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:38,033
Louie!
117
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You swine!
118
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:40,200
( shouting )
119
00:04:41,534 --> 00:04:43,167
Mr. Gravas?
120
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,634
Come out, please.
121
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,934
WOMAN:
Taxi!
122
00:05:09,667 --> 00:05:11,133
Fifth Avenue and...
123
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:12,634
( screaming )
124
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:15,400
I don't know that
intersection.
125
00:05:15,434 --> 00:05:17,601
( door slams )
126
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:20,934
Hello.
Oh, hi, Latka.
127
00:05:20,968 --> 00:05:22,601
We've been looking
all over town for you.
128
00:05:22,634 --> 00:05:25,067
Have you been back there
the whole time?
129
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,667
( speaking native language )
130
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,300
Latka, now listen to me good,
131
00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:30,934
because I've been thinking
about this.
132
00:05:30,968 --> 00:05:33,133
I think you're just making
things worse by running.
133
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,834
( speaking native language )
134
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,167
Who told you that?
135
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,634
( speakingnative language )
136
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:39,467
No, I think it's
best that you
turn yourself in.
137
00:05:39,501 --> 00:05:40,634
( speakingnative language )
138
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,400
Well, we'll try to
find a good lawyer
139
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:43,501
for you that can help.
140
00:05:43,534 --> 00:05:44,968
( speakingnative language )
141
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,667
I know, I wish there
was some other way,
142
00:05:46,701 --> 00:05:47,801
but I can't
think of any.
143
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:48,934
Well, Latka need...
144
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,100
"Woman."
145
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:53,801
Yeah, sure, that'll take
your mind off
146
00:05:53,834 --> 00:05:55,467
your troubles
for a while, but, uh...
147
00:05:55,501 --> 00:05:58,300
No, no.
Latka need woman to...
148
00:05:58,334 --> 00:05:59,701
eh...
149
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,601
to... "marry."
150
00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:03,901
To marry.
151
00:06:03,934 --> 00:06:05,267
Oh, I see.
152
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:07,501
Yeah, if you marry
an American woman
153
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,934
they won't deport you.
154
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:12,000
You take tongue
right out of my mouth.
155
00:06:12,033 --> 00:06:15,968
So, all we have to do
is find a woman, right?
156
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,300
Got any ideas?
157
00:06:17,334 --> 00:06:18,834
Phyllis George.
158
00:06:22,434 --> 00:06:24,567
Right. Phyllis George.
159
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,968
Good morning, everybody.
160
00:06:45,667 --> 00:06:48,434
Hey, it's my pal, Latka!
161
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,567
Hey, I knew you'd
get away, buddy!
162
00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:54,100
That's why I was buying you time
when the feds came in.
163
00:06:54,133 --> 00:06:56,234
We really put one
over on them,
164
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:58,834
didn't we, pal?
165
00:06:58,868 --> 00:07:00,634
Hey, Latka...
166
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:03,734
when's the last time
I gave you money?
167
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:05,400
A long time, huh?
168
00:07:05,434 --> 00:07:07,067
How about if I...
169
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:09,167
if I give you a buck, huh?
170
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,501
You like that?
171
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:14,634
You want to play hard ball, huh?
172
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,267
Well, how about two bucks?
173
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,267
How did you like that?
174
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:20,701
Money talks, boys...
175
00:07:20,734 --> 00:07:21,834
( yells )
176
00:07:21,868 --> 00:07:24,367
What, are you crazy?
177
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,601
Kind of wonderful, isn't it?
178
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,400
It never occurred to him
to just drop it.
179
00:07:29,267 --> 00:07:30,567
Hi, guys.
180
00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:32,300
Hi, Elaine.
Hey, Elaine.
181
00:07:32,334 --> 00:07:33,901
How you doing?
How you doing?
182
00:07:33,934 --> 00:07:35,934
Elaine?
183
00:07:36,901 --> 00:07:38,367
Elaine?
184
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,667
Elaine?
185
00:07:42,701 --> 00:07:43,868
Yeah?
186
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,467
Oh, Elaine...
187
00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:57,868
Oh, Elaine...
188
00:07:57,901 --> 00:08:00,901
( speaking native language )
189
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,868
Oh...
190
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:18,133
That's the sweetest thing
anybody ever said to me.
191
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:19,467
I think.
192
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:22,434
Hey, you want to tell me
what's going on here?
193
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:23,601
Well, Elaine...
194
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:25,901
you were just proposed to.
195
00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:27,334
Aw...
196
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:29,734
No, really. They won't send
Latka out of the country
197
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,334
if he marries
an American citizen.
198
00:08:31,367 --> 00:08:33,000
Yeah, Elaine, what do you think?
199
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:35,167
Are you guys serious? Ooh!
200
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,133
Hey, come on, we know how you
feel, but look at it this way--
201
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,834
it wouldn't have to be
like a real marriage.
202
00:08:39,868 --> 00:08:41,000
Just a paper marriage.
203
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:42,367
Right.
204
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,100
You could get
divorced soon after.
Right.
205
00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:46,033
I mean, you don't have
to sleep with him
206
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,901
or anything
like that.
Who asked you?
207
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,501
Latka, believe me, I am
very, very flattered,
208
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,434
but I'm sorry.
209
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:56,501
I can't marry you.
210
00:08:56,534 --> 00:08:57,834
Please?
211
00:08:57,868 --> 00:08:59,033
I'm sorry.
212
00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:00,300
Please, please?
213
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:01,501
N-o.
214
00:09:01,534 --> 00:09:04,000
Oh, boy,
we will be so happy.
215
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:05,968
No. N-o spells "no."
216
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,634
Aw, shup.
217
00:09:09,634 --> 00:09:10,868
Hey, everybody!
218
00:09:10,901 --> 00:09:13,400
I'd like you to meet
a new friend of mine,
219
00:09:13,434 --> 00:09:14,501
Vivian Harrow.
220
00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:15,567
( murmuring )
221
00:09:15,601 --> 00:09:17,133
Vivian has agreed
to marry Latka.
222
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,200
JOHN:
Hey, that's great!
223
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:19,200
This one...
224
00:09:19,234 --> 00:09:20,200
I found her...
225
00:09:20,234 --> 00:09:21,334
Alex!
What?
226
00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:24,200
You can't let Latka
just marry this hooker.
227
00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:26,534
She's not a hooker.
She's a call girl.
228
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,367
Look, I don't like it,
either, but it might
be our only hope.
229
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,701
Look, it's temporary.
230
00:09:30,734 --> 00:09:32,901
What day is good
for you, Vivian?
231
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:35,701
Well, I got part
of Thursday afternoon open.
232
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:37,200
Okay, Thursday it is.
Thursday.
233
00:09:37,234 --> 00:09:38,200
Okay, Thursday.
234
00:09:38,234 --> 00:09:39,234
Okay, but remember.
235
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:40,868
You said 15 minutes, I'm gone
236
00:09:40,901 --> 00:09:43,267
I never have to see
the guy again
237
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,701
and no strings attached.
238
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,234
Right. No strings.
Come here. Latka?
239
00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:48,734
I want you to meet Vivian.
240
00:09:48,767 --> 00:09:50,767
She's agreed
to be your bride.
241
00:09:52,234 --> 00:09:54,234
How do you do?
242
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:56,400
I love you.
243
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,701
Latka, talk to me.
244
00:10:19,734 --> 00:10:21,734
Latka?
245
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:27,534
Latka, I'll make
you talk to me.
246
00:10:27,567 --> 00:10:30,701
I'll keep saying your name
until you talk to me.
247
00:10:30,734 --> 00:10:33,534
Latka, Latka...
Latka! Latka! Latka!
248
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:34,734
Latka! Latka!
Latka! Latka...
249
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,267
Louie! Louie! Louie,
Louie! Louie...
250
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,567
Latka, Latka...
Louie, Louie!
251
00:10:38,968 --> 00:10:40,934
Louie, pull
yourself together.
252
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:43,667
I don't understand
why he won't forgive me.
253
00:10:43,701 --> 00:10:45,968
All I did was turn him in.
254
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:52,300
Hey, Latka,
the big day, huh?
255
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:53,801
Hey, John, you're
a married man.
256
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:55,167
Why don't you give
Latka some tips?
257
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,167
Yeah, yeah...
258
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,167
Well, uh... Latka,
259
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,601
I think the most important
thing in any marriage
is communication.
260
00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:03,834
( speakingnative language )
261
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,100
But it's not
absolutely
necessary.
262
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,501
( chuckles )
263
00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:11,767
Hey, this is going to
be a weird wedding.
264
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,334
The line to kiss the bride
could take a while.
265
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:17,501
I hear they asked the vice squad
to give the bride away.
266
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:19,300
Would you guys
just cut it out?
267
00:11:19,334 --> 00:11:21,167
I mean just
kindly cut it out.
268
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,534
I mean, we could try
269
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:25,801
to treat this like
a wedding, couldn't we?
270
00:11:25,834 --> 00:11:28,601
You know, instead
of all these locker room jokes,
271
00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:31,133
I think we should consider
Latka's feelings.
272
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,534
It's not a joke to him.
273
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,467
I love her.
274
00:11:34,501 --> 00:11:37,033
ELAINE:
See?
275
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,701
So I don't know
about the rest of you,
276
00:11:38,734 --> 00:11:41,100
but believe me, I'm going
to try to do the most I can
277
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:43,501
to make this the best wedding
two kids have ever had.
278
00:11:43,534 --> 00:11:45,501
She's real interesting,
this one.
279
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,334
Hi, Latka.
280
00:11:50,367 --> 00:11:52,000
Hello, Vivian.
281
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,200
Vivian!
282
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:01,634
Um, how about dressing
up for the wedding?
283
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,033
What do you think?
I plan to.
284
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,701
Oh, you're going to
wear a white dress?
285
00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:06,167
A white halter.
286
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,501
How about wearing
my wedding gown?
287
00:12:09,534 --> 00:12:11,033
Oh, sure, honey.
288
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:15,200
I've dressed up as everything
from Pocahontas to Darth Vader.
289
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,234
You want me in a bridal gown?
290
00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:18,234
You got it.
291
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:19,567
Okay, great.
292
00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:21,901
Now all we need
is a minister.
293
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:23,033
Hey, there's a minister
294
00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:24,667
that hangs around
down at Mario's.
295
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:27,834
I'll go and see if he'll perform
the ceremony for us, all right?
296
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:28,968
ELAINE:
Hey, Bobby, thanks.
297
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,000
ALEX:
Good, Bobby, good.
298
00:12:30,033 --> 00:12:31,033
We could get flowers...
299
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,567
Oh! Excuse me,
Immigration Officer.
300
00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:34,033
I'm trying to get
out of your way,
301
00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:35,033
Immigration Officers.
302
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,601
Hey, Bobby. Bobby.
That's all right.
303
00:12:36,634 --> 00:12:37,734
You don't have
to do that.
304
00:12:37,767 --> 00:12:39,200
No?
Latka's going
to be okay now.
305
00:12:39,234 --> 00:12:41,133
Latka here is marrying
an American citizen.
306
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:43,801
It's not okay if he's only doing
it to stay in this country.
307
00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:45,167
It's got to be
a real marriage.
308
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,734
Oh, of course,
it's a real marriage
309
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,100
I'm afraid we'll have
to check that out.
310
00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:51,300
Mr. Gravas, we're going to have
to question you.
311
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,501
How long ago did you meet
312
00:12:53,534 --> 00:12:55,501
this woman
you're going to marry?
313
00:12:58,567 --> 00:13:00,567
"How...
314
00:13:00,601 --> 00:13:02,767
"How...
315
00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:04,133
How..."
316
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:06,133
Can anybody else
answer for him?
How..."
317
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:07,901
I'm up for retirement
in two years.
318
00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:09,968
Yeah, I can.
319
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,100
No, let me.
320
00:13:11,133 --> 00:13:11,968
No, I will.
321
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,300
No, I want to do it.
"How..."
322
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,434
Louie, I think
it's best that I do.
No. Mr. Richards?
323
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:16,734
All right, Mr. De Palma
324
00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:18,067
Let's have it straight.
325
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,801
If you're lying to me,
you're committing a crime.
326
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,567
Is this a legitimate marriage?
327
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:32,434
Of course it's legitimate.
328
00:13:32,467 --> 00:13:34,734
It's love, I tell you.
329
00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:37,100
Latka's in love
with this girl,
330
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,601
and nothing can
change his mind.
331
00:13:39,634 --> 00:13:41,834
Nobody could talk
to the guy.
332
00:13:41,868 --> 00:13:43,501
I tried to talk him out of it.
333
00:13:43,534 --> 00:13:47,634
I said, "Latka, she's from
the other side of the tracks.
334
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:50,167
"She's classy,
and you're just a grease monkey.
335
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,501
It'll never work out."
336
00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:53,634
But he doesn't care,
337
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,133
because it's love.
338
00:13:57,901 --> 00:13:59,834
Her family is
totally against it.
339
00:13:59,868 --> 00:14:01,634
They threatened
to disown her.
340
00:14:01,667 --> 00:14:06,000
In fact, they even went so far
as to offer Latka $1,000
341
00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:10,434
to leave their daughter alone,
but he wouldn't take it.
342
00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:15,467
And if that isn't love,
343
00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:18,167
then I don't know
what is, Officer.
344
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,234
Thanks for your
time, gentlemen.
345
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:23,968
Not at all.
346
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,934
Whoa!
347
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:29,434
( shouting )
348
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:32,267
I want none of that stuff!
349
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,934
Oh, good...
No!
350
00:14:33,968 --> 00:14:35,968
Drivers touching me?
351
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,167
I don't want
nobody touching me,
352
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,601
except...
353
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:44,667
him.
354
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,734
Aw...
355
00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:53,601
Hey, Louie,
356
00:14:53,634 --> 00:14:55,801
that was a very nice story
you made up.
357
00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:57,067
You know that?
358
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,267
You mean about the family
359
00:14:58,300 --> 00:14:59,968
offering money
to give up the girl?
360
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:00,701
Yes.
361
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,434
I didn't make that up.
362
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:05,234
That happened to me
five years ago.
363
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,033
Really?
That surprises me, Louie.
364
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,133
Except I changed two things.
365
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:13,334
The parents only offered me
a lousy 50 bucks.
366
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:14,367
What was the other thing?
367
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,567
I took it.
368
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:19,534
( murmuring )
369
00:15:30,367 --> 00:15:31,667
ALEX:
Okay, everybody
370
00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:33,334
let's take
our seats now.
371
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,667
Come on, just find
a seat anywhere.
372
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,067
Look, the bride's people
on one side,
373
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,300
the groom's people
on the other.
374
00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:40,067
I know, it makes no difference.
Just sit down.
375
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,934
Okay, and stay there.
I think I'm
going to go...
376
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:43,501
I'm going to
go check on
the bride, okay?
377
00:15:43,534 --> 00:15:44,701
Good, good.
378
00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:46,167
Latka, you ready?
All right, Latka?
Listen.
379
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,267
You're each going to come down
from over there, all right?
380
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,868
Hey, everybody.
381
00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,868
This is Reverend Jim, uh...
382
00:15:56,901 --> 00:15:58,567
Jim...?
383
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,467
That's it.
384
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:08,133
Just, uh...
Reverend Jim.
385
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,934
Uh, uh, well, um...
386
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:13,334
He's going to perform
the ceremony for us.
387
00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:16,801
Reverend Jim,
I'm Cabby Alex.
388
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:20,133
Listen, I don't want
to be impolite
389
00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:21,467
but you are
a minister,
aren't you?
390
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,968
Certainly.
391
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,534
I was ordained in '68--
Church of the Peaceful.
392
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:30,434
The church was investigated
and cleared completely.
393
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,667
Cleared of what?
394
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,133
Why go into it?
395
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:39,467
It doesn't even exist anymore.
396
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:44,501
But I assure you, I'm a minister
recognized by the state.
397
00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:49,133
Now, does anybody have a drink
around here?
398
00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:53,567
Reverend Jim...
399
00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:55,067
Reverend Jim, look
400
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:59,100
we'd like the ceremony to be
just as brief as possible, okay?
401
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:00,434
I'll do my best,
402
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,834
but I'm kind of out of practice
at weddings.
403
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:04,467
How long has it been
since you done one?
404
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,467
Always. This is my first.
405
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:10,467
Well, we'll try
to be gentle.
406
00:17:10,501 --> 00:17:12,667
Thank you.
407
00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,567
Okay, she's ready.
408
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,434
Oh, good.
Latka, you ready?
409
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,968
You know, it's too bad
we don't have any music.
410
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,234
Well, we could always...
411
00:17:20,267 --> 00:17:22,901
( tuneless plucking )
412
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:24,367
( groaning )
413
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,701
BOBBY:
Hey, Louie...
414
00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:26,868
Hey, you know...
415
00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:29,033
Don't give me no guff.
416
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:30,601
Geez!
417
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:34,300
My mother paid good money
for these lessons,
418
00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:39,501
and I thought Latka should have
some music for his nuptials.
419
00:17:45,234 --> 00:17:48,234
( playing "Because" )
420
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,234
( murmuring )
421
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,701
Wow!
422
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:02,701
Oh, she's beautiful.
423
00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:05,300
Thank you.
424
00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:40,501
( playing off-key )
425
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,601
Louie.
426
00:18:59,868 --> 00:19:02,100
You are very pretty.
427
00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:04,133
Thank you, Latka.
428
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:07,434
Um...
429
00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:10,601
we're gathered here today
430
00:19:10,634 --> 00:19:14,501
to join these two
people in marriage.
431
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,667
The question often asked
in our time is: Why marriage?
432
00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:26,601
The answer is hard to see,
433
00:19:26,634 --> 00:19:32,000
but as obvious
as a heartbeat to feel.
434
00:19:32,033 --> 00:19:37,000
We marry to have
a friend, a lover.
435
00:19:37,033 --> 00:19:39,567
We marry to deny
436
00:19:39,601 --> 00:19:45,267
solitude's cold hands on us.
437
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:50,767
We marry because
after all the other, uh...
438
00:19:50,801 --> 00:19:53,767
alternatives
have been explored,
439
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:58,767
we still want to
and need to and must.
440
00:19:58,801 --> 00:20:02,133
I bet you all thought
I was going to screw up,
441
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,501
didn't you?
442
00:20:13,701 --> 00:20:16,701
Does the couple have
anything to say?
443
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:20,467
Oh, yeah, um...
444
00:20:20,501 --> 00:20:21,467
Latka wanted me
445
00:20:21,501 --> 00:20:22,968
to read you
something.
446
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,133
He stayed up all night
going through his dictionary
447
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:27,234
trying to translate what
he wanted to say to you.
448
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,501
So, here it is.
449
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:35,167
"Even though we just recently
have been formally introduced,
450
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,968
"somehow my mind tells me
451
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,667
that you will always be
a tart to me."
452
00:20:39,701 --> 00:20:41,701
"A part of me."
453
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:53,934
"A part of me."
454
00:20:55,434 --> 00:20:59,901
"And I know, even though
we not speak same language
455
00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:03,868
we have the same language
of the heart."
456
00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:17,167
Latka...
457
00:21:20,067 --> 00:21:25,601
Do you take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
458
00:21:28,501 --> 00:21:30,834
( speakingin native language )
459
00:21:35,067 --> 00:21:36,567
He does...
460
00:21:36,601 --> 00:21:37,734
he does.
461
00:21:44,067 --> 00:21:47,033
And do you, Vivian,
take this man
462
00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:49,400
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
463
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:52,100
( repeatingLatka's response )
464
00:21:57,367 --> 00:21:59,934
Um... yep.
465
00:21:59,968 --> 00:22:02,901
This is heavy.
466
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,501
If no man here
has any reason
467
00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:10,801
why these two
should not be married
468
00:22:10,834 --> 00:22:17,300
by the power invested in me,
I do pronounce you man and wife.
469
00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:19,300
You may kiss the bride.
470
00:22:19,334 --> 00:22:21,334
Thank you very much.
471
00:22:35,767 --> 00:22:38,767
( whistling )
472
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,267
We will love forever.
473
00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:51,501
You bet, honey.
474
00:22:51,534 --> 00:22:53,334
Um, look,
I got to go.
475
00:22:53,367 --> 00:22:55,601
Um...
476
00:22:55,634 --> 00:22:58,701
I got an appointment
over at the Hilton
I'm late for.
477
00:22:59,868 --> 00:23:00,868
It was fun, huh?
478
00:23:02,667 --> 00:23:04,467
ALEX:
Yeah.
479
00:23:04,501 --> 00:23:06,367
Thanks, guys.
480
00:23:07,767 --> 00:23:09,501
Ah, you...
481
00:23:09,534 --> 00:23:11,200
Hey, Latka...
482
00:23:12,734 --> 00:23:15,467
Latka, don't take it
so bad, huh?
483
00:23:15,501 --> 00:23:16,934
JOHN:
Yeah, don't worry, Latka.
484
00:23:16,968 --> 00:23:19,400
There'll be somebody else.
You'll see.
485
00:23:19,434 --> 00:23:21,000
I said we shouldn't
have done this.
486
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,601
Wait. Latka wants
to say something.
487
00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:23,667
What is it, Latka?
488
00:23:23,701 --> 00:23:25,701
No honeymoon?
489
00:23:28,367 --> 00:23:29,801
No honeymoon.
490
00:23:31,934 --> 00:23:35,667
Boy, America's a tough town.
33168
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