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[Ulysses Voiceover] I've always
had a simultaneous fear of,
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00:00:22,615 --> 00:00:24,792
and attraction toward, the unknown.
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00:00:26,002 --> 00:00:28,464
And in these fucking
dark and scary times,
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00:00:28,465 --> 00:00:32,324
it's easy to adopt a "What
difference does it make?" attitude.
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00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,040
So I often find myself
in these situations
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00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:39,857
where my heart's pounding so
fast I can barely breathe.
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00:00:40,819 --> 00:00:45,197
And I can't tell if it's
excitement or terror or both.
8
00:00:45,198 --> 00:00:46,801
- No!
- It's not like I'm brave
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00:00:46,802 --> 00:00:49,350
or anything, it's more
10
00:00:50,302 --> 00:00:52,053
reckless stupidity,
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00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,780
an adrenaline fix,
12
00:00:55,829 --> 00:00:59,245
throwing myself into the
void to see what happens.
13
00:01:05,388 --> 00:01:06,984
No!
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00:01:07,890 --> 00:01:09,219
Help me!
15
00:01:10,175 --> 00:01:12,264
[man groans]
16
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:16,182
[screams]
17
00:01:16,183 --> 00:01:17,507
[Ulysses grunting]
18
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Harder! Harder!
19
00:01:20,554 --> 00:01:21,601
- [door thuds]
- Dave?
20
00:01:21,602 --> 00:01:22,642
Oh, shit!
21
00:01:22,643 --> 00:01:23,833
My husband's home!
22
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,046
Oh, shit.
23
00:01:25,047 --> 00:01:27,279
[stammers] What should I do?
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DAVE'S HUSBAND: Dave, where are you?!
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00:01:31,283 --> 00:01:32,718
DAVE: In here, babe.
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- [Ulysses yelps]
- [loud thud]
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[Ulysses Voiceover] So yeah,
I realized that one day
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00:01:49,971 --> 00:01:51,855
these crazy adventures
will probably get me
29
00:01:51,856 --> 00:01:54,615
into some gigantic trouble
I can't get out of.
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00:01:54,616 --> 00:01:56,970
_
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00:01:56,971 --> 00:01:58,939
But it's almost like
I can't help myself.
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00:01:58,940 --> 00:02:01,052
["Star Roving" by Slowdive]
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00:02:03,038 --> 00:02:06,041
I do shit sometimes and I
really don't know why.
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00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,874
To avoid boredom, I guess.
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00:02:12,585 --> 00:02:13,958
To feel alive.
36
00:02:15,632 --> 00:02:17,851
Just for the fucking fuck of it.
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00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:24,400
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:36,574
♪ Give it away now, girl ♪
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♪ Can't hold down tonight ♪
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[panting]
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00:03:01,655 --> 00:03:02,856
Ah.
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00:03:05,407 --> 00:03:06,607
Sorry, dude.
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00:03:07,496 --> 00:03:08,696
Whatever.
44
00:03:09,716 --> 00:03:11,174
Hey, Severine.
45
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,654
I thought you were sleeping out tonight.
46
00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:16,755
Yeah, uh, I'm not.
47
00:03:19,378 --> 00:03:22,585
Anyhoo, please, continue.
48
00:03:23,382 --> 00:03:24,791
Goodnight, Ulysses.
49
00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:26,208
Goodnight.
50
00:03:26,209 --> 00:03:27,733
Night, dude.
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00:03:29,496 --> 00:03:32,830
ULYSSES: So, Ford and I have a
sort of strange relationship.
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00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:37,092
We've been roommates since college
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00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:40,419
and we kind of drunk messed
around once freshman year.
54
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:43,161
I love him unconditionally
55
00:03:43,162 --> 00:03:46,860
and if he had even one
sexually ambiguous molecule
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00:03:46,861 --> 00:03:48,784
in his body, we'd probably be married,
57
00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:52,648
but Ford's that truly rare Kinsey zero
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00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,521
in contrast to my ever oscillating four,
59
00:03:55,522 --> 00:03:57,740
which means I'm not so totally queer
60
00:03:57,741 --> 00:04:01,193
that I haven't rubbed out a few
fantasizing about Severine.
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00:04:01,194 --> 00:04:04,892
Everything in my life right
now is a question mark,
62
00:04:04,893 --> 00:04:08,152
which pretty much explains
what this thing is about.
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00:04:08,153 --> 00:04:09,766
It's definitely not a vlog.
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00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:13,539
It's more of a place to
download the random shit
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00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:16,782
that's in my head to keep it
from like [lips pop] exploding.
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00:04:16,783 --> 00:04:21,172
Back in school, I thought
I wanted to be an actor,
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00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:23,940
but once I got to LA,
I quickly discovered
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00:04:23,941 --> 00:04:26,291
that's probably the lamest,
most soul-crushing thing
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00:04:26,292 --> 00:04:27,697
I could do with my life.
70
00:04:27,698 --> 00:04:30,469
And Ford is that sad LA cliché,
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00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,042
an aspiring screenwriter.
72
00:04:32,043 --> 00:04:35,604
But movies are even more
irrelevant now than books.
73
00:04:35,605 --> 00:04:39,360
It's all stupid superheroes
and YA bullshit.
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00:04:39,361 --> 00:04:41,732
And thanks to Instagram,
art and photography,
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00:04:41,733 --> 00:04:44,004
all of that's pretty
much obsolete now too,
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00:04:44,005 --> 00:04:45,689
so lacking a better outlet,
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00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:50,512
here I am talking to myself in the dark.
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00:04:58,123 --> 00:04:59,891
But also,
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00:04:59,892 --> 00:05:03,070
there's something weird going on
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00:05:03,071 --> 00:05:07,566
that I feel I need to document.
81
00:05:11,007 --> 00:05:12,682
I've been having this nightmare,
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00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:14,946
the same one over and over,
83
00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:17,302
two or three times a
week for the past month.
84
00:05:17,303 --> 00:05:18,349
MAN: No!
85
00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:20,237
[Ulysses Voiceover] And it's
so vivid and freakishly real
86
00:05:20,238 --> 00:05:24,262
that when I wake up, it's still
there hovering over me like
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00:05:24,263 --> 00:05:26,220
it's not just a dream,
88
00:05:26,221 --> 00:05:29,441
like it's trying to tell me something.
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00:05:29,442 --> 00:05:32,831
Maybe smoke a smidge
less pot before bedtime?
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00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,139
Carly, I'm being serious.
91
00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:36,053
Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions?
92
00:05:36,786 --> 00:05:40,452
- No.
- Well, I do and I'm a double Scorpio.
93
00:05:40,453 --> 00:05:42,267
It's the most psychic of all the signs.
94
00:05:42,268 --> 00:05:45,587
And I've had premonitions
before, but this is different.
95
00:05:45,588 --> 00:05:48,842
It's like we're teetering on the
brink of total annihilation.
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00:05:48,843 --> 00:05:52,194
CARLY: Okay, well, that's
every fucking day now
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00:05:52,195 --> 00:05:54,896
in this tragic shit show
era we're living in.
98
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:58,135
But anyway, are you still
cyber-stalking that guy?
99
00:05:58,136 --> 00:05:59,764
- Gabriel.
- Mm.
100
00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:03,100
Yeah. We were supposed to
hang out last night, but...
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00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:06,283
Oh, let me guess, he flaked.
102
00:06:07,219 --> 00:06:12,245
Hey, look, this guy's a
gnarly 300-pound catfish.
103
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,153
That's why I've been pushing
to meet in real life.
104
00:06:14,154 --> 00:06:15,328
Look, check it out.
105
00:06:15,329 --> 00:06:18,243
- Oh. He is pretty.
- Right?
106
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,551
I know it sounds hokey, but I just get
this vibe that we're destined to be.
107
00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:23,583
Okay, double Scorpio.
108
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:26,672
Honestly, just looking at him
makes me dizzy and hard.
109
00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:28,369
You know, when I first met Jethro,
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00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:30,937
seeing him sneeze would make me cum,
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00:06:30,938 --> 00:06:33,809
but now, like uh, last night,
in the middle of fucking,
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00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:39,959
Jethro leans in and for some
ungodly reason, whispers...
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00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,817
Mm, teach me, baby, teach me.
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00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,172
- What?
- [Jethro moans]
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00:06:43,173 --> 00:06:44,192
Teach me!
116
00:06:44,193 --> 00:06:46,169
Is that something you
got from a bad porno?
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00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:47,519
Oh, come on, baby!
118
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,437
Yeah, teach me how to drive you wild!
119
00:06:49,438 --> 00:06:50,798
Yes, baby!
120
00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:52,352
Make me a student!
121
00:06:52,353 --> 00:06:54,264
I'm a vessel for your pleasure!
122
00:06:54,265 --> 00:06:55,546
- [groans]
- Yeah!
123
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:57,224
Ah, teach me, baby!
124
00:06:57,225 --> 00:06:58,181
- Come on, yeah!
- Can you just slow down
125
00:06:58,182 --> 00:06:59,434
a little bit, please?!
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00:06:59,435 --> 00:07:01,184
Teach me, baby! Teach me!
127
00:07:01,185 --> 00:07:03,317
- Oh, shit.
- And it gets worse.
128
00:07:03,318 --> 00:07:06,855
He wants me to go to his fucking
meditation class tonight.
129
00:07:06,856 --> 00:07:08,599
But meditating gives you anxiety.
130
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:09,627
Yeah, I know.
131
00:07:09,628 --> 00:07:12,932
It's so easy for him. His brain,
his natural resting state,
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00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,895
is just a blank void of nothingness.
133
00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:18,245
- [phone buzzes]
- [Carly sighs]
134
00:07:18,246 --> 00:07:20,029
Is it the catfish?
135
00:07:20,030 --> 00:07:21,857
Oh, shit, really? What'd he say?
136
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,729
That he wants to meet tonight.
137
00:07:23,730 --> 00:07:27,341
Okay, well, my advice, set the bar low.
138
00:07:27,342 --> 00:07:30,225
Very low.
139
00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:36,350
♪ Sanctify the love
that you crave, crave ♪
140
00:07:36,351 --> 00:07:41,268
♪ Oh, and I won't, and I won't,
and I won't be ashamed ♪
141
00:07:41,269 --> 00:07:43,966
♪ Sanctify my sins when I pray ♪
142
00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:47,422
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
143
00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:52,215
- ♪ When I pray ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
144
00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,963
♪ You'll find redemption ♪
145
00:07:55,964 --> 00:07:57,165
Hey.
146
00:07:57,997 --> 00:07:59,396
How's the script coming?
147
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,158
I've seen you here before.
148
00:08:02,159 --> 00:08:03,360
Oh.
149
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:05,945
It's going great.
150
00:08:05,946 --> 00:08:08,278
- You a writer too?
- No.
151
00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:09,780
Actually, I'm a producer.
152
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:13,277
Oh, no shit. Cool.
153
00:08:13,729 --> 00:08:16,056
You should send me one of your scripts.
154
00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:20,263
- For real?
- Yes.
155
00:08:20,264 --> 00:08:23,545
You look like a ambitious,
hardworking young man.
156
00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,268
Email me.
157
00:08:26,975 --> 00:08:28,663
Oh, wow.
158
00:08:28,664 --> 00:08:31,783
Okay, Mr. Powers.
159
00:08:31,784 --> 00:08:34,782
Please. Barnabas.
160
00:08:37,764 --> 00:08:40,628
Ford. Ford Halstead.
161
00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:42,689
Great to meet you, Ford.
162
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:45,648
Well, I'll let you get back to work.
163
00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:48,426
Cool! I'll email you.
164
00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:49,621
Looking forward to it.
165
00:08:54,573 --> 00:08:57,120
_
166
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:00,507
_
167
00:09:01,179 --> 00:09:03,952
_
168
00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:07,162
_
169
00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:09,818
MAN: They keep fucking me.
170
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,542
I tell them no,
171
00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:15,473
but they keep fucking me.
172
00:09:15,474 --> 00:09:17,587
They keep fucking me!
173
00:09:17,588 --> 00:09:18,695
Fucking me!
174
00:09:19,496 --> 00:09:21,128
And they won't stop.
175
00:09:25,169 --> 00:09:28,781
Please, make them stop.
176
00:09:30,468 --> 00:09:31,947
Make them stop.
177
00:09:52,465 --> 00:09:54,227
Severine Bordeaux.
178
00:09:54,228 --> 00:09:55,472
[scanner beeps]
179
00:10:16,043 --> 00:10:17,566
Hello, Severine.
180
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,177
Lars. Klaus.
181
00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:24,088
Looks like I didn't miss anything.
182
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:26,868
Yes, the man is running late as usual.
183
00:10:26,869 --> 00:10:30,089
I think they keep us waiting on
purpose, to build anticipation.
184
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:32,945
And to make our work seem even
more highly classified than it is.
185
00:10:32,946 --> 00:10:35,664
Actually, I heard this new assignment
186
00:10:35,665 --> 00:10:37,733
is a genuine priority level one.
187
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:39,925
Really?
188
00:10:39,926 --> 00:10:41,126
Who told you this?
189
00:10:42,037 --> 00:10:43,146
[Severine sighs]
190
00:10:43,147 --> 00:10:45,270
If I revealed my sources,
191
00:10:45,271 --> 00:10:47,048
I'd have to kill you.
192
00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:50,535
[groans]
193
00:10:53,701 --> 00:10:55,164
I don't know, Uly.
194
00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:57,856
Sometimes a dream is just a dream.
195
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,663
Yeah, but then, but then sometimes,
196
00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:03,092
sometimes it's more.
197
00:11:03,447 --> 00:11:05,081
Dude, do you remember that time
198
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,213
you were so convinced an
earthquake was coming?
199
00:11:07,214 --> 00:11:08,736
You went out, you bought a bunch of soup
200
00:11:08,737 --> 00:11:10,825
and water and batteries?
201
00:11:10,826 --> 00:11:12,038
[laughs]
202
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,628
This is different than that.
203
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:16,045
Is it?
204
00:11:16,046 --> 00:11:19,094
Anyway, huh, isn't it awesome
what happened today?
205
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,222
What?
206
00:11:20,223 --> 00:11:22,776
That producer gave me his business card.
207
00:11:23,296 --> 00:11:24,478
Oh, right.
208
00:11:24,479 --> 00:11:26,365
So is he... is he for real?
209
00:11:26,366 --> 00:11:27,625
What do you mean?
210
00:11:27,626 --> 00:11:29,539
As in does he have credits?
211
00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:31,045
That, that aren't porn.
212
00:11:31,046 --> 00:11:33,413
Yeah. I already checked.
213
00:11:33,414 --> 00:11:36,024
Just be careful, okay? 'Cause he
could be a serial killer or...
214
00:11:36,025 --> 00:11:37,547
Okay, paranoid.
215
00:11:37,548 --> 00:11:41,682
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
216
00:11:41,683 --> 00:11:45,120
Hey, so, um, I'm gonna be
a, a little bit behind
217
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,933
on, on the rent again, this month.
218
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:49,516
Ah, no big. I got it.
219
00:11:49,517 --> 00:11:52,028
I know, I just, I don't wanna be a scab.
220
00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:53,621
Hey, I said don't worry about it.
221
00:11:53,622 --> 00:11:56,088
It was my idea to move to
Cali in the first place.
222
00:11:56,089 --> 00:11:58,351
Plus, I'm the one with the
rich parents, so whatevs.
223
00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,179
[Ford chuckles]
224
00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:02,790
Seriously, bro, man, I'm just so glad
225
00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:04,487
we're out here together.
226
00:12:04,488 --> 00:12:07,716
You and me, man, living the dream!
227
00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:10,331
[laughs]
228
00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:12,087
[sighs]
229
00:12:13,961 --> 00:12:15,237
You know what I mean?
230
00:12:15,238 --> 00:12:17,916
[ethereal music]
231
00:12:27,186 --> 00:12:28,511
Know what?
232
00:12:28,512 --> 00:12:30,500
Why don't we cut the bullshit
233
00:12:31,124 --> 00:12:33,711
and go over into those
bushes over there and fuck?
234
00:12:36,195 --> 00:12:37,216
[snapping]
235
00:12:37,217 --> 00:12:38,593
- You all right?
- Yeah.
236
00:12:39,285 --> 00:12:40,523
Yup.
237
00:12:40,524 --> 00:12:42,003
You stoned or something?
238
00:12:42,004 --> 00:12:43,736
[chuckles]
239
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,683
- You ready to head back down?
- Yeah, yeah.
240
00:12:46,684 --> 00:12:47,667
- All right.
- Mm-hm.
241
00:12:47,668 --> 00:12:48,907
I'll race you to the bottom.
242
00:12:48,908 --> 00:12:49,981
Mm-hm.
243
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:51,969
Mm-hm.
244
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,996
["Gosh" by Jamie xx]
245
00:12:59,522 --> 00:13:01,611
You home already? I thought
you had a coffee date.
246
00:13:03,396 --> 00:13:04,852
[Amber sighs]
247
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:08,509
I did. I barely sat down
and the guy asked me if
248
00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:09,965
I would rim him.
249
00:13:11,230 --> 00:13:14,166
- Oh.
- Hmm.
250
00:13:14,167 --> 00:13:16,133
What are you doing?
251
00:13:16,134 --> 00:13:19,282
Just memorizing my lines
for acting class tomorrow.
252
00:13:20,309 --> 00:13:23,784
I feel like guys on Tinder
are so used to getting sex
253
00:13:23,785 --> 00:13:25,332
that they don't even
make an effort anymore.
254
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:28,267
Like, this one guy, he
sent me the martini emoji,
255
00:13:28,268 --> 00:13:31,574
then the eggplant, then just
expected me to fuck him.
256
00:13:31,575 --> 00:13:32,974
Maybe he was foreign?
257
00:13:33,474 --> 00:13:36,971
I've just encountered a
lot of assholes on there.
258
00:13:36,972 --> 00:13:38,590
It's a numbers game.
259
00:13:38,591 --> 00:13:40,583
I mean, you have a lot of asshole dick,
260
00:13:40,584 --> 00:13:43,769
but you also have dick
of every other kind too.
261
00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:47,486
Yeah, I know, which is like
dicks flying at me 24/7.
262
00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:49,020
Exactly.
263
00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:51,986
I don't know, I might delete it.
264
00:13:51,987 --> 00:13:55,729
Maybe it's true, you can't
find romance through a screen.
265
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:57,775
That is something that old people say
266
00:13:57,776 --> 00:14:00,299
because they resent the fact
that we don't have to go
267
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,084
and troll gross bars
for sex like they did.
268
00:14:03,085 --> 00:14:04,782
Let me see your profile.
269
00:14:04,783 --> 00:14:06,415
Come here.
270
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:16,730
You look like you're
hosting a reality show
271
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:20,717
called Extreme Brunch, or something.
272
00:14:21,604 --> 00:14:26,455
Do you have like, any photos
of you wearing less clothing?
273
00:14:26,456 --> 00:14:30,630
Like, like showing less personality?
274
00:14:32,637 --> 00:14:36,422
Pretty cool that producer
coming up to me today, huh?
275
00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:38,235
Yeah, incredible.
276
00:14:38,236 --> 00:14:40,732
Yeah, it's like I've only
been out here six months
277
00:14:40,733 --> 00:14:43,429
and things are already
starting to happen for me.
278
00:14:43,430 --> 00:14:45,213
[sighs] So, Sev.
279
00:14:45,214 --> 00:14:46,509
Mm-hmm?
280
00:14:47,376 --> 00:14:49,087
We've been seeing each other a while now
281
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:53,747
and I was wondering if...
282
00:14:54,608 --> 00:14:56,805
it was cool that I called
you my girlfriend.
283
00:14:57,422 --> 00:14:59,184
You can call me whatever you want.
284
00:14:59,185 --> 00:15:01,273
I'm not precious about the terminology.
285
00:15:01,274 --> 00:15:04,060
Okay, so uh, we're like,
286
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:06,560
exclusive, then?
287
00:15:06,561 --> 00:15:08,762
Ford, we've discussed this.
288
00:15:08,763 --> 00:15:10,282
You know I believe that monogamy
289
00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:11,979
is a form of social control,
290
00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:13,927
which is contrary to our nature.
291
00:15:14,505 --> 00:15:15,846
What?
292
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,464
For centuries, humans
migrated in egalitarian
293
00:15:18,465 --> 00:15:21,478
hunter-gatherer groups
and shared everything,
294
00:15:21,479 --> 00:15:24,687
food, childcare, sexual partners.
295
00:15:24,688 --> 00:15:26,472
They were very promiscuous
296
00:15:26,473 --> 00:15:28,691
and it strengthened their relationships,
297
00:15:28,692 --> 00:15:30,432
but then agriculture came along
298
00:15:30,433 --> 00:15:32,217
and people became obsessed
299
00:15:32,218 --> 00:15:34,717
with ownership and private property.
300
00:15:35,504 --> 00:15:36,900
Oh, when was that?
301
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,925
About 10,000 years ago.
302
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,771
Oh.
303
00:15:42,773 --> 00:15:44,035
Is this uh...
304
00:15:44,525 --> 00:15:47,505
Is this about me not being
smart enough for you?
305
00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:50,800
I know you're a rocket scientist and...
306
00:15:50,801 --> 00:15:52,672
Astrobiological theorist.
307
00:15:52,673 --> 00:15:54,413
And no, Ford,
308
00:15:54,414 --> 00:15:57,068
I actually think you're extraordinary.
309
00:15:57,069 --> 00:16:01,095
Plus, you have the world's
most magnificent cock.
310
00:16:03,271 --> 00:16:04,310
Thanks.
311
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:06,686
It's so magnificent, in fact,
312
00:16:06,687 --> 00:16:09,139
I'd feel guilty keeping
it all to myself.
313
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:11,430
Modern relationships don't last
314
00:16:11,431 --> 00:16:14,389
because we expect too
much of our partners.
315
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,868
They need to fulfill us emotionally,
316
00:16:16,869 --> 00:16:18,916
satisfy us sexually.
317
00:16:18,917 --> 00:16:21,784
That's a lot to ask of one person.
318
00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:26,642
Besides, future holds so
much chaos and uncertainty.
319
00:16:27,190 --> 00:16:29,794
We must relish our
freedom while it lasts.
320
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:34,238
- Uh, what?
- Nothing.
321
00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:40,758
If you're saying what I
think it is you're saying,
322
00:16:41,738 --> 00:16:45,159
if you, you know, um,
if you want to give
323
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,669
the open relationship thing a try,
324
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:51,740
I'm down.
325
00:16:54,322 --> 00:16:55,522
Really?
326
00:16:55,523 --> 00:16:57,564
You're not just saying
that to make me happy?
327
00:16:58,464 --> 00:17:01,516
You know I have difficulties
reading social cues.
328
00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:04,835
I mean it.
329
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,736
Okay, now pretend like you're laughing
330
00:17:11,737 --> 00:17:14,275
at a cute guy over there being funny.
331
00:17:14,276 --> 00:17:16,669
But why am I wearing a
bikini in the living room?
332
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:18,714
No one is thinking about that, Amber.
333
00:17:18,715 --> 00:17:21,757
This is literally just about
assessing your genetics.
334
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,330
- [laughs]
- Oh, my God, okay,
335
00:17:25,331 --> 00:17:26,897
he's not, he's not like, that funny.
336
00:17:26,898 --> 00:17:29,630
- He's amusing.
- Okay.
337
00:17:30,576 --> 00:17:31,640
[chuckles]
338
00:17:31,641 --> 00:17:34,242
He's mildly amusing.
339
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:37,303
- [camera snaps]
- Perfect.
340
00:17:41,456 --> 00:17:43,087
I look mean.
341
00:17:43,088 --> 00:17:44,914
No, you look confused.
342
00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:46,264
You look hot and confused.
343
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:48,135
That's the ideal combination.
344
00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,267
- What?
- [phone rings]
345
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:52,713
Oh, sorry. Hey.
346
00:17:52,714 --> 00:17:54,663
Oh, my God, are you watching it?
347
00:17:54,664 --> 00:17:56,943
- Watching what?
- Murderous Minds.
348
00:17:56,944 --> 00:17:58,580
I told you, my episode's on tonight.
349
00:17:58,581 --> 00:17:59,973
Oh, uh, shit!
350
00:17:59,974 --> 00:18:01,279
Oh, my God, that's right, babe!
351
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,778
I totally forgot!
352
00:18:02,779 --> 00:18:04,543
That's so exciting!
353
00:18:04,544 --> 00:18:06,632
Fuck, Carly!
354
00:18:06,633 --> 00:18:08,068
Hope you didn't miss me.
355
00:18:08,069 --> 00:18:09,269
I've gotta set the DVR.
356
00:18:11,443 --> 00:18:13,334
- What's happening now?
- What do you mean?
357
00:18:13,335 --> 00:18:15,919
JETHRO: On the show, Jesus!
358
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,992
Um, it, it looks like two cops
359
00:18:18,993 --> 00:18:21,560
are investigating like, a crime scene.
360
00:18:21,561 --> 00:18:24,328
Okay, shit, you're just
in time. It's my scene.
361
00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:28,958
What's happening now?
362
00:18:28,959 --> 00:18:30,704
They just zipped some
guy into a body bag.
363
00:18:30,705 --> 00:18:31,929
Yes!
364
00:18:31,930 --> 00:18:33,301
[grunts]
365
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,718
Was that you?
366
00:18:36,719 --> 00:18:38,835
Uh yeah, what, couldn't you tell?
367
00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:42,187
No, you were amazing.
368
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:44,225
Ah, I'm sure.
369
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,117
Was I?
370
00:18:46,118 --> 00:18:47,325
Mm-hm.
371
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:49,852
Yeah, you, you were great, Jethro.
372
00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:52,226
Oh, hey, Amber's there! Amber!
373
00:18:52,227 --> 00:18:55,662
- She uh, she see me too?
- Yup, she did.
374
00:18:55,663 --> 00:19:00,811
And uh, she thought you
were uh, very believable.
375
00:19:00,812 --> 00:19:04,355
14 fucking million
people watch that show.
376
00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:06,257
It's like I'm always telling you, Carly,
377
00:19:06,258 --> 00:19:07,880
it's about connecting the dots
378
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:10,754
and maintaining a positive attitude.
379
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:12,712
Which is why I really
wish you'd come with me
380
00:19:12,713 --> 00:19:14,410
to meditation class tonight.
381
00:19:14,411 --> 00:19:16,325
Yeah, I know, babe, but I told you,
382
00:19:16,326 --> 00:19:18,588
I need to work on my scene
for class tomorrow.
383
00:19:18,589 --> 00:19:22,462
Yeah, well, Car, the road to
failure is paved with excuses.
384
00:19:22,463 --> 00:19:24,246
[phone beeping]
385
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,204
Hey, babe, can we continue this later?
386
00:19:26,205 --> 00:19:28,946
Uly's on the other line,
probably having a crisis.
387
00:19:28,947 --> 00:19:30,461
I'm almost to work anyway.
388
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:32,376
Just wanted to share my
moment of glory with ya.
389
00:19:32,377 --> 00:19:33,705
You were awesome, babe.
390
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,737
Thanks, I'll swing by after
work for another lesson.
391
00:19:36,738 --> 00:19:38,886
Great. Okay, see ya.
392
00:19:39,943 --> 00:19:43,047
- Hey.
- Gabriel is 43 fucking minutes late.
393
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:45,872
Like I said, low bar.
394
00:19:45,873 --> 00:19:48,121
What should I do now? Should I leave?
395
00:19:48,122 --> 00:19:51,728
[chuckles] Are you kidding? You lost
all your dignity like, 28 minutes ago.
396
00:19:51,729 --> 00:19:54,061
I know. Am I tragic?
397
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,451
Don't, don't answer that.
398
00:19:55,452 --> 00:19:56,930
I was really hoping to, you know,
399
00:19:56,931 --> 00:19:58,920
finally solve the mystery of, oh, shit.
400
00:19:58,921 --> 00:20:00,814
- CARLY: What? Is he there?
- Yeah.
401
00:20:00,815 --> 00:20:03,077
- I'll call you back.
- Okay, bye!
402
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:08,641
Ulysses. Oh, man, I am so sorry.
403
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,379
You must think that I'm
the hugest flake ever,
404
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:13,108
but class got out late, Waze
sent me to the wrong address,
405
00:20:13,109 --> 00:20:15,341
- and, and my phone died...
- It's, it's okay, it's okay...
406
00:20:15,342 --> 00:20:16,881
Don't worry about it.
407
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,127
Seriously though, I'm big
on first impressions
408
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:21,838
and I feel so fucking bad.
409
00:20:22,671 --> 00:20:24,322
Well, you're here now, right?
410
00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:26,286
That's, that's all that matters.
411
00:20:26,287 --> 00:20:27,570
Yeah.
412
00:20:27,571 --> 00:20:30,074
[upbeat music]
413
00:20:33,469 --> 00:20:37,255
["Diamond Veins" by French 79]
414
00:20:55,796 --> 00:21:01,264
♪ Blood felt, joy of life ♪
415
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:03,821
Whoa.
416
00:21:03,822 --> 00:21:05,761
Holy crap, baby.
417
00:21:05,762 --> 00:21:07,001
[Carly chuckles]
418
00:21:07,002 --> 00:21:09,395
Hey, Smokey. You miss me?
419
00:21:09,396 --> 00:21:10,606
Sure did.
420
00:21:10,607 --> 00:21:13,094
I want to drink you up
like a piña colada.
421
00:21:13,095 --> 00:21:17,968
Good, because I've been
a really bad girl.
422
00:21:17,969 --> 00:21:20,188
- [loud slap]
- [gasps] Ooh!
423
00:21:20,189 --> 00:21:22,277
- [loud slap]
- Ah!
424
00:21:22,278 --> 00:21:23,713
- [loud slap]
- [moans]
425
00:21:23,714 --> 00:21:26,450
NERD: I really want to get
to know you, the real you.
426
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,733
Are you sure you just
don't want me to like,
427
00:21:28,734 --> 00:21:30,142
finger myself or something?
428
00:21:30,143 --> 00:21:31,833
Could we just talk first?
429
00:21:32,549 --> 00:21:34,944
Like, what do you like most
about being a cam girl?
430
00:21:35,857 --> 00:21:41,317
Well, I uh, I have always wanted
a job I could do lying down.
431
00:21:41,318 --> 00:21:42,519
Hm.
432
00:21:43,496 --> 00:21:44,841
Show me!
433
00:21:44,842 --> 00:21:47,380
Show me, you deviant little whore.
434
00:21:47,381 --> 00:21:49,522
You're so pitiful and weak!
435
00:21:49,523 --> 00:21:51,714
Just looking at you makes me sick.
436
00:21:51,715 --> 00:21:53,569
Get on your knees!
437
00:21:53,570 --> 00:21:57,791
Damn. I so wish I hadn't scheduled
band practice for tonight.
438
00:21:57,792 --> 00:22:00,271
Ah, it, it's cool.
439
00:22:00,272 --> 00:22:01,925
It's just that a couple of weeks ago,
440
00:22:01,926 --> 00:22:04,493
I, I declared this embargo on hookups.
441
00:22:04,494 --> 00:22:06,452
I mean, you know they're fun, obviously,
442
00:22:06,453 --> 00:22:11,870
but I always just feel, well,
gross and pagan after.
443
00:22:11,871 --> 00:22:14,221
Yeah, no, uh, I know what you mean.
444
00:22:15,151 --> 00:22:17,245
So I, I made sure to make plans
445
00:22:17,246 --> 00:22:20,335
so that no matter how hot you were,
446
00:22:20,336 --> 00:22:24,160
I, you know, would have
to restrain myself.
447
00:22:25,973 --> 00:22:28,328
No, it's, it's okay, I totally get it.
448
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,710
We can hang out soon
again, though, right?
449
00:22:33,382 --> 00:22:34,556
Definitely.
450
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:37,352
- Oh, shit!
- What? What?
451
00:22:37,353 --> 00:22:40,398
I fucking forgot to charge my phone!
452
00:22:40,399 --> 00:22:44,552
I got so distracted, I can't
even text my band mates now.
453
00:22:45,079 --> 00:22:46,279
That sucks.
454
00:22:46,927 --> 00:22:51,163
I guess we'll jus... we'll
just have to hang out
455
00:22:53,609 --> 00:22:56,371
again soon...
456
00:22:56,372 --> 00:23:01,051
- [car horn honking]
- [men shouting]
457
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,119
Come on.
458
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,884
[gentle music]
459
00:23:13,411 --> 00:23:14,955
No, wait.
460
00:23:14,956 --> 00:23:16,304
- What?
- [sighs]
461
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,113
I'm not blowing this, am I?
462
00:23:20,114 --> 00:23:21,385
What do you, what do you mean?
463
00:23:22,181 --> 00:23:24,268
Well, I'm gonna see you again, right?
464
00:23:24,269 --> 00:23:25,879
I mean, I'm not fucking
this up doing this?
465
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,283
No, no, no, you're not fucking this up.
466
00:23:28,746 --> 00:23:32,161
Good, 'cause I seriously cannot
control myself right now.
467
00:23:35,049 --> 00:23:36,612
Handjobs only, though?
468
00:23:37,152 --> 00:23:38,352
What?
469
00:23:38,872 --> 00:23:40,395
For tonight, just handjobs?
470
00:23:41,432 --> 00:23:42,738
And save the rest for later?
471
00:23:43,399 --> 00:23:45,117
Yeah. Yeah.
472
00:23:45,504 --> 00:23:46,898
Okay, we need to hurry, though,
473
00:23:46,899 --> 00:23:49,351
'cause I literally only have
like, two minutes, okay?
474
00:23:52,929 --> 00:23:54,944
Oh, yeah, you like that, Worm?
475
00:23:54,945 --> 00:23:57,941
WORM: Mm-hm. Can you wiggle them?
476
00:23:57,942 --> 00:23:59,260
Like this, you mean?
477
00:23:59,261 --> 00:24:02,350
Yeah, keep wiggling. Keep wiggling.
478
00:24:02,351 --> 00:24:03,612
Worm, you know you need to ask me
479
00:24:03,613 --> 00:24:05,718
more respectfully than that.
480
00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,882
Please. Please wiggle your toes for me.
481
00:24:08,883 --> 00:24:10,141
CARLY: Much better.
482
00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:12,695
Hell yeah.
483
00:24:12,696 --> 00:24:14,014
Keep wiggling.
484
00:24:14,735 --> 00:24:16,672
More, more wiggle.
485
00:24:16,981 --> 00:24:18,453
Oh, God. [moans]
486
00:24:18,454 --> 00:24:20,000
[both moaning]
487
00:24:23,206 --> 00:24:24,450
- Oh!
- God!
488
00:24:24,451 --> 00:24:26,809
Oh, oh, oh fuck!
489
00:24:26,810 --> 00:24:28,898
[groaning]
490
00:24:28,899 --> 00:24:31,161
- Oh!
- Fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!
491
00:24:31,162 --> 00:24:33,729
[both groan]
492
00:24:33,730 --> 00:24:36,494
[all groaning]
493
00:24:45,939 --> 00:24:48,376
[both panting]
494
00:24:48,774 --> 00:24:49,974
Fuck.
495
00:24:53,914 --> 00:24:55,836
MAGENTA: What can I
do for you, Mistress?
496
00:24:56,384 --> 00:24:57,645
I'm here to please you.
497
00:24:57,646 --> 00:24:59,105
I'll do anything you want.
498
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:04,586
How about you do 30 naked pushups?
499
00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:06,501
Would that make Mistress happy?
500
00:25:06,502 --> 00:25:08,068
To be honest, no.
501
00:25:08,069 --> 00:25:10,157
I just... I don't really care.
502
00:25:10,158 --> 00:25:12,360
Well, what would make you truly happy?
503
00:25:12,361 --> 00:25:13,863
I'm here to serve you.
504
00:25:15,533 --> 00:25:16,733
Really?
505
00:25:18,841 --> 00:25:22,343
Do you want to run lines
with me for my acting class
506
00:25:22,344 --> 00:25:24,475
'cause I have to memorize
all these by tomorrow.
507
00:25:24,476 --> 00:25:26,782
Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that one.
508
00:25:26,783 --> 00:25:28,566
But you said you would do anything.
509
00:25:28,567 --> 00:25:30,220
Well, I know, but...
510
00:25:30,221 --> 00:25:31,700
Well, okay, well, what if I like,
511
00:25:31,701 --> 00:25:32,919
take my top off while I do it?
512
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:33,963
Okay, sure.
513
00:25:33,964 --> 00:25:35,835
Cool. Great.
514
00:25:35,836 --> 00:25:36,966
Okay.
515
00:25:36,967 --> 00:25:41,405
So, you're Anne,
516
00:25:41,406 --> 00:25:43,541
and I'm Mary, okay?
517
00:25:44,737 --> 00:25:45,937
Okay.
518
00:25:47,870 --> 00:25:51,981
Do you feel as awful as you look?
519
00:25:51,982 --> 00:25:55,202
Why would you come here if all
you wanted to do was torment me?
520
00:25:55,203 --> 00:25:56,682
Hey, you're good.
521
00:25:56,683 --> 00:25:58,248
Hey!
522
00:25:58,249 --> 00:25:59,510
- [snaps]
- Stay in character!
523
00:25:59,511 --> 00:26:00,555
Next line.
524
00:26:00,556 --> 00:26:01,756
ULYSSES: Wow.
525
00:26:05,583 --> 00:26:07,518
That was kind of intense.
526
00:26:07,519 --> 00:26:08,720
Yeah.
527
00:26:09,283 --> 00:26:11,459
[panting]
528
00:26:16,551 --> 00:26:18,616
Seriously, I mean what was that?
529
00:26:18,617 --> 00:26:20,423
Was it, was it just me
or did, did it feel like
530
00:26:20,424 --> 00:26:23,639
the universe collapsed in on
itself for a second there?
531
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:24,841
No, I felt it too.
532
00:26:26,909 --> 00:26:28,235
I'm almost afraid to see what happens
533
00:26:28,236 --> 00:26:30,058
when we actually have sex.
534
00:26:31,435 --> 00:26:35,024
Look, I, I realize that we just met
535
00:26:35,025 --> 00:26:39,115
and I, I don't want to sound too
psycho stalkery or anything,
536
00:26:39,116 --> 00:26:44,698
but something strange seems
to be going on here.
537
00:26:46,276 --> 00:26:48,081
Yeah.
538
00:26:48,082 --> 00:26:50,988
Yeah, I mean, it sort of...
it sort of feels like
539
00:26:52,065 --> 00:26:53,265
- fate.
- Fate.
540
00:26:58,898 --> 00:27:00,746
But I got to go, my band
mates are gonna kill me.
541
00:27:00,747 --> 00:27:02,617
Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay.
542
00:27:02,618 --> 00:27:05,248
So uh, so when do I get to see you next?
543
00:27:05,843 --> 00:27:07,766
Well, whenever. I mean, whenever you...
544
00:27:07,767 --> 00:27:10,735
- How about tomorrow?
- Tomorrow's great.
545
00:27:11,648 --> 00:27:12,848
Cool.
546
00:27:13,869 --> 00:27:15,069
Oh, fuck.
547
00:27:19,614 --> 00:27:21,854
Okay, shit.
548
00:27:21,855 --> 00:27:22,868
Now I really got to go.
549
00:27:22,869 --> 00:27:25,185
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
550
00:27:26,403 --> 00:27:29,015
[gentle music]
551
00:27:45,422 --> 00:27:47,847
Holy fucking shit!
552
00:27:49,513 --> 00:27:50,491
- [loud crash]
- [yelps]
553
00:27:50,492 --> 00:27:51,692
[loud thud]
554
00:27:55,693 --> 00:27:57,514
Ow!
555
00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:29,312
[ethereal music]
556
00:28:29,313 --> 00:28:30,859
Help me!
557
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,167
Please!
558
00:28:41,304 --> 00:28:42,504
Please, help me!
559
00:28:44,897 --> 00:28:46,097
No!
560
00:28:47,354 --> 00:28:48,984
Oh, God!
561
00:28:48,985 --> 00:28:51,358
No! No!
562
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:56,125
[groaning]
563
00:28:58,147 --> 00:29:00,106
[groaning]
564
00:29:03,465 --> 00:29:04,858
Oh, God, no!
565
00:29:06,242 --> 00:29:07,442
No!
566
00:29:14,250 --> 00:29:15,450
No!
567
00:29:16,426 --> 00:29:17,626
Help me!
568
00:29:18,994 --> 00:29:20,276
Please!
569
00:29:20,277 --> 00:29:21,321
Help me!
570
00:29:21,322 --> 00:29:22,322
[hisses loudly]
571
00:29:22,323 --> 00:29:24,107
[screams]
572
00:29:24,108 --> 00:29:30,269
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
573
00:29:40,276 --> 00:29:44,170
♪ Give it away now, girl ♪
574
00:29:44,171 --> 00:29:47,283
♪ Can't hold ♪
39729
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