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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,237 OLDER TED: Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story. 2 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,741 The story of how I met your mother. 3 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,711 - Are we being punished for something? - No. 4 00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:16,441 - Yeah, is this gonna take a while? - Yes. 5 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:21,419 Twenty-five years ago, before I was Dad, I had this whole other life. 6 00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:28,020 It was way back in 2005, 7 00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:30,790 I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect 8 00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:33,889 and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college, 9 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,126 My life was good, 10 00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:38,932 And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up, 11 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,799 Will you marry me? 12 00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:42,770 Yes. Perfect. 13 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,640 And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne, you drink a toast, 14 00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,736 you have sex on the kitchen floor. 15 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,213 - Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. - Got it. 16 00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:51,806 Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted. 17 00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:54,284 Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily. 18 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,685 I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. 19 00:00:56,823 --> 00:01:01,157 The night you met, your first date, other first things. 20 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,394 Yeah, sorry, we thought you were asleep. 21 00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:05,623 It's physics, Marshall. 22 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,860 If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too. 23 00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:13,639 My God, you're getting engaged tonight. 24 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,174 Yeah. What are you doing tonight? 25 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,544 What was I doing? Here, Uncle Marshall 26 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:23,172 was taking the biggest step of his life, And me? 27 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,513 I'm calling up your Uncle Barney, 28 00:01:25,618 --> 00:01:28,314 Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls? 29 00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:33,756 Well, now I've got a new favorite. Lebanese girls. 30 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,756 Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. 31 00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,455 Hey, you wanna do something tonight? 32 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,329 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up! 33 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,999 - Hey. - Where's your suit? 34 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,598 Just once, when I say "suit up," I wish you'd put on a suit. 35 00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:53,145 - I did. That one time. - It was a blazer. 36 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:58,082 You know, ever since college it's been Marshall and Lily and me. 37 00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,110 Now it's gonna be Marshall and Lily and me. 38 00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:03,018 They'll get married, start a family. 39 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,182 Before long, I'm that weird middle-aged bachelor 40 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,418 their kids call "Uncle Ted." 41 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,226 I see what this is about. 42 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,526 Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met? 43 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,362 Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. 44 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:22,740 - Barney. We met at the urinal. - Oh, right. Hi. 45 00:02:22,842 --> 00:02:26,209 Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit. 46 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,906 - I'm not wearing a suit. - Lesson two, get a suit. 47 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,006 Suits are cool. Exhibit A. 48 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:32,673 Lesson three, 49 00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:36,084 don't even think about getting married till you're 30. 50 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,350 Thirty. Right, you're right. 51 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,323 I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged, 52 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:43,623 - you start thinking about that stuff. - I thought I was your best friend. 53 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,460 Ted, say I'm your best friend. 54 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,161 - You're my best friend, Barney. - Good. 55 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,965 Then as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game I like to call, 56 00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:53,299 "Have you met Ted?" 57 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,067 No, no, no, no, we're not playing "Have you met Ted." 58 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,540 Hi, have you met Ted? 59 00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,446 - Hi, I'm Ted. - Yasmin. 60 00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:03,773 - It's a very pretty name. - Thanks. It's Lebanese. 61 00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,020 Hey. 62 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,355 (GROANS) 63 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:10,683 I'm exhausted. 64 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:14,157 It was finger-painting day at school and a 5-year-old boy 65 00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,353 got to second base with me. 66 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:21,097 - Wow, you're cooking? - Yes, I am. 67 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,804 Are you sure that's a good idea after last time. 68 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:28,669 You looked really creepy without eyebrows. 69 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:29,897 I can handle this. 70 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:32,239 I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight. 71 00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:34,370 So there's more surprises? Like what? 72 00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,681 Marshall was in his second year of law school, 73 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:39,149 so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet, 74 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,517 Boogedy boo! And that's all of them. 75 00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:45,988 I'm gonna go cook. 76 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,488 I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. 77 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,722 I just couldn't imagine settling down right now. 78 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:54,357 - So do you think you'll ever get married? - Well, maybe eventually. 79 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,602 Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park. 80 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,965 Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows. 81 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,063 Band, no DJ. 82 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,235 People will dance, I'm not gonna worry about it. 83 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:08,437 Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged? 84 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,017 Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh? 85 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:15,713 - Actually, I think it's cute. - Well, you're clearly drunk. 86 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,788 One more for the lady! 87 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,826 Oh, hey, look what I got. 88 00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:27,155 Oh, honey, champagne. 89 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:29,827 Yeah. 90 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:34,936 No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne. 91 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,008 I'm not scared. 92 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,009 - Then open it. - Fine. 93 00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,078 Please, open it. 94 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,045 Gosh, you are unbelievable, Marshall. 95 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,743 There are two big questions a man has to ask in life, 96 00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:48,548 One you plan out for months, the other just slips out 97 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,350 when you're half-drunk at some bar, 98 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:51,514 Will you marry me? 99 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,926 You wanna go out sometime? 100 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,790 Of course, you idiot! 101 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,790 I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend. 102 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,592 What's up, Carl? 103 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:10,075 I promised Ted we wouldn't do that. 104 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,843 Did you know there's a Pop-Tart under your fridge? 105 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:15,504 No, but dibs. 106 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,147 Where's that champagne? 107 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,653 I wanna drink a toast with my fianc�e. 108 00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,618 I don't know why I was so scared of this. 109 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,126 It's pretty easy, right? 110 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,591 (LILY SCREAMING) 111 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,229 Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? This is crazy. 112 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,858 I'm not ready to settle down. 113 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,163 How does Carl land a Lebanese girl? 114 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:39,896 The plan's always been 115 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,564 don't even think about it until you're 30. 116 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,767 Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit. 117 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,410 Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life. 118 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,742 Even if I was ready, which I'm not, 119 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:53,581 but if I was, it's like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?" 120 00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,150 And there she was, 121 00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,189 It was like something from an old movie 122 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:10,428 where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, 123 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,299 turns to his buddy and says, 124 00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:15,238 "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday, " 125 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:18,376 Hey, Barney, see that girl? 126 00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:21,174 Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty. 127 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,845 - Go say hi. - I can't just go say hi. 128 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:26,345 I need a plan. 129 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,976 I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom, 130 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,555 then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox so that... 131 00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,419 Hi, have you met Ted? 132 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:35,449 Hi. 133 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,519 Let me guess. Ted. 134 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,426 I'm sorry, Lily. 135 00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,833 I'm so sorry. Take us to the hospital. 136 00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:47,269 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you hit her? 137 00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:50,798 Hit me? Please. 138 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,743 This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun. 139 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,508 He's all, like, "Oh, honey, did that hurt?" 140 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,483 And I'm, like, "Come on, let me have you, you pansy." 141 00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:03,744 - Wow, a complete stranger. - No, no, no, it's okay. Go on. 142 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,057 So, these spankings, 143 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:09,185 are you in pajamas or au natural? 144 00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:13,256 - So what do you do? - I'm a reporter for Metro News 1. 145 00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,834 - Oh. - Well, kind of a reporter. 146 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,403 I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news. 147 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:22,736 You know, like, "Monkey who can play the ukulele." 148 00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,901 But I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon. 149 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:28,105 Bigger, like, "Gorilla with an upright bass?" 150 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,704 Sorry. You're really pretty. 151 00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,851 - Oh, your friends don't seem too happy. - Yeah. 152 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,980 See, the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend. 153 00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,650 So tonight, every guy is "the enemy." 154 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,057 You know, if it'll make your friend feel better 155 00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,652 you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind. 156 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:48,766 She would love that. And it does look fun in the movies. 157 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,267 Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night? 158 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,339 Oh, I can't. I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. 159 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,068 Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. 160 00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:59,440 - Guess who's covering it? - That's gonna take a week? 161 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,877 Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. It's another record. 162 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,142 Hey, what's taking so long? 163 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:08,544 I know this is a long shot, but how about tomorrow night? 164 00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:11,379 Yeah. What the hell. 165 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,627 Jerk! 166 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:20,999 That was fun. 167 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,901 De... Wait for it... nied. 168 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,197 Denied. 169 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:27,965 We're going out tomorrow night. 170 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,565 I thought we were playing Lazer Tag tomorrow night. 171 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,543 Yeah, I was never gonna go play Lazer Tag. 172 00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:39,582 The next night, I took her out to this little bistro in Brooklyn, 173 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,044 Wow. 174 00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:44,611 - That is one bad-ass blue French horn. - Yeah. 175 00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,955 Sort of looks like a Smurf penis. 176 00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:49,823 Son, a piece of advice, 177 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:53,831 When you go on a first date, you really don't want to say Smurf penis, 178 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:56,299 Girls don't ordinarily like that, 179 00:08:57,603 --> 00:09:00,071 But this was no ordinary girl, 180 00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,907 Lily. 181 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,006 How long have you been sitting there? 182 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,208 Stupid eye patch. 183 00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:17,885 Mom, Dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 184 00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,185 Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman? 185 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,920 Let's see. 186 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,017 She likes dogs? 187 00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,494 I've got five dogs. 188 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,621 She drinks Scotch? 189 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,666 I love a Scotch that's old enough to order its own Scotch. 190 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,599 Can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters? 191 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:34,696 "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a God, you say, 'Yes!"' 192 00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,969 And I'm saving the best for last. 193 00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:40,404 Do you want these? I hate olives. 194 00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:44,344 - She hates olives. Awesome! - The Olive Theory. 195 00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,448 The Olive Theory is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily. 196 00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,544 He hates olives, she loves them. And in a weird way, 197 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,350 that's what makes them such a great couple. 198 00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,788 Perfect balance. 199 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:57,892 You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever. 200 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,798 I could take them off your hands. 201 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:04,028 They're all yours. 202 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,032 Oh, it is on! 203 00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:08,606 It is on till the break of dawn. 204 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,975 But, wait, it's only the break of 10:30. What happened? 205 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:18,049 I gotta get one of those blue French horns for over my fireplace. 206 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,879 It's gotta be blue, it's gotta be French. 207 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,317 - No green clarinet? - Nope. 208 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:22,819 Come on, no purple tuba? 209 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,447 It's a Smurf penis or no dice. 210 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,448 There you are! 211 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,586 We got a jumper. Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge. 212 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,789 Come on, you're covering it. 213 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,289 All right, I'll be right there. 214 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,767 I'm sorry. 215 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,804 I had a really great time tonight. 216 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,608 Yeah, well. 217 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,605 So, did you kiss her? 218 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,135 No, the moment wasn't right. 219 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,271 Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. 220 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,145 I want our first kiss to be amazing. 221 00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,844 Oh, Ted, that is so sweet. 222 00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,751 So, you chickened out like a little bitch. 223 00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,049 What? I did not chicken out. 224 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,252 You know what? I don't need to take first kiss advice 225 00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:05,797 from some pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college. 226 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:08,389 Ted, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. 227 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,969 Even the dumbest single person alive. 228 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,229 And if you don't believe me, call him. 229 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:20,002 Hey, loser, how's not playing Lazer Tag? Because playing Lazer Tag is awesome. 230 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,608 Oh, I killed you, Connor. Don't make me get your mom. 231 00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,706 Hey, listen, I need your opinion on something. 232 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:27,513 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up! 233 00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,788 So, these guys think I chickened out. What do you think? 234 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,124 I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit. 235 00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:38,560 She didn't even give me the signal. 236 00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:41,758 What, is she gonna bat her eyes at you in Morse code? 237 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:42,925 "Ted, 238 00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:45,194 "kiss me." 239 00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:48,899 - No, you just kiss her. - Not if you don't get the signal. 240 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:54,578 - Did Marshall give me the signal? - No! 241 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,443 I didn't, I swear. 242 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,845 But, see, at least tonight, I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me, 243 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,683 never gonna happen. You should've kissed her. 244 00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,313 I should've kissed her. 245 00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,392 Well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando. 246 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,859 A week? That's like a year in hot-girl time. 247 00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:10,986 She'll forget all about you. 248 00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:14,396 Mark my words, you will never see that one again. 249 00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,331 There she is. 250 00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:19,360 She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up. 251 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,364 ,,, persuaded him to reconsider, 252 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,772 At which point the man came down off the ledge, 253 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,504 giving this bizarre story a happy ending, 254 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,106 Reporting from Metro 1 News, 255 00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:30,205 - back to you, Bill, - The guy didn't jump. 256 00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,545 I'm gonna go kiss her. 257 00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:34,812 - Right now. - Look, dude, it's midnight. 258 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,856 As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you that's freaking crazy. 259 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,255 I never do anything crazy. 260 00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,987 I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment. 261 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,154 Well, she's leaving tomorrow and this may be the only moment 262 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,458 I'm gonna get. 263 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:50,092 I gotta do what that guy couldn't. I gotta take the leap. 264 00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:51,897 Okay, not a perfect metaphor 265 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,528 'cause for me it's fall in love and get married 266 00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:55,539 and for him it's death. 267 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,567 Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. 268 00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,241 By the way, did I congratulate you two? 269 00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,415 - I'm doing this. - Let's go. 270 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,985 - Word up. - We're coming with you. 271 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,614 Barney? 272 00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:13,291 All right, but under one condition. 273 00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:17,187 Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up. 274 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,662 This is totally going in my blog. 275 00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:23,159 Stop the car. Pull over right here. 276 00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,000 I gotta do something. 277 00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:28,838 Excuse me. Pardon me, just a sec. 278 00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:30,441 - Enjoy your coffee. - Hey! 279 00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:32,010 Hey! 280 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,005 Go, go, go! 281 00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:38,884 Everybody brings flowers. 282 00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:47,625 Okay, moment of truth. 283 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:52,592 - Wish me luck. - Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter. 284 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,292 "This just in." Okay. 285 00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:02,034 - Kiss her, Ted. Kiss her good. - Kiss the crap out of that girl. 286 00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:04,234 Marshall, remember this night. 287 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,903 When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech, 288 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,604 you're gonna tell this story. 289 00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,407 Why does he get to be the best man? 290 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,486 I'm your best friend! 291 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:18,987 As I walked up to that door, a million thoughts raced through my mind, 292 00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:21,491 Unfortunately, one particular thought did not, 293 00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,061 I've got five dogs. 294 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,120 (DOGS BARKING) 295 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,127 Not good, not good, 296 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,393 - No! - Get back in there. 297 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,127 You're wearing a suit! 298 00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:35,163 ROBIN: Ted? 299 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,197 Hi. 300 00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:41,302 I was just... 301 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,882 Come on up. 302 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,248 MARSHALL: He's in. 303 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,789 So, Ranjit, you must have done it with a Lebanese girl? 304 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,159 Okay, that's my Barney limit. 305 00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,459 I'm gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom. 306 00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,302 Actually, I'm from Bangladesh. 307 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,930 - The women hot there? - Here's a picture of my wife. 308 00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,043 (WHISPERING) A simple "no" would have sufficed. 309 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,245 She's lovely. 310 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:21,146 So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn at 1:00 in the morning in a suit? 311 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,518 I was just hoping to 312 00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:26,756 get those olives 313 00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,185 that you said I could have. 314 00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,355 Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth? 315 00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:34,728 Are you trying to get me drunk? 316 00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,634 For starters. 317 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,630 (MUSIC PLA YING) 318 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,903 Thank you. 319 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,116 So, Marshall, this Olive Theory based on you and Lily. 320 00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:52,911 - Yeah. - You hate olives. 321 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:56,215 - Lily loves them, you can't stand them. - Yeah, I hate olives. 322 00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,517 Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th Street. 323 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,024 Dish of olives. You had some. What up? 324 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,530 You have to swear that this does not leave this cab. 325 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:09,758 - I swear. - I swear. 326 00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:14,505 On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad. 327 00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:16,699 Lily asked if she could have my olives. 328 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,209 I said, "Sure, I hate olives." 329 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,972 But you like olives. 330 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,640 Well, I was 18, okay? I was a virgin. 331 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:26,718 Been waiting my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives. 332 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,013 Marshall, I'm gonna give you an early wedding present. 333 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,750 Don't get married. 334 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:40,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 335 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,766 I think I like your Olive Theory. 336 00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:46,927 I think I like your new French horn. 337 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,407 I think I like your nose. 338 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,470 I think I'm in love with you. 339 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,567 What? 340 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:54,646 What? 341 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:55,714 What? 342 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,007 Come on, man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right? 343 00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:01,883 You know what that is? Hunger. You're hungry for experience. 344 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:05,889 Hungry for something new. Hungry for olives. 345 00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:08,816 But you're too scared to do anything about it. 346 00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:10,952 Yeah, I'm scared, okay? 347 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,865 But when I think of spending the rest of my life with Lily, 348 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,493 committing forever, no other women, 349 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,539 doesn't scare me at all. 350 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,072 I'm marrying that girl. 351 00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:26,769 Lily. 352 00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,376 Lily, I like olives. 353 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,077 We'll make it work. 354 00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:35,718 (SIGHING) 355 00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:46,927 So, Orlando? You gonna hit Disney World? 356 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,460 - You love me? - Oh, God. 357 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,638 I can't believe I said that. Why did I say that? 358 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,229 Who says that? 359 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,867 - I should just go. - Hold on. 360 00:17:58,477 --> 00:17:59,944 Wait a minute. 361 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:03,678 I promised you these. 362 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:04,805 - Olives. - Yeah. 363 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,714 Thanks. I love you. 364 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,650 What is wrong with me? 365 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,387 Why are we still sitting here? Let's go. We can still make last call. 366 00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:16,928 What do you say, Lil? "Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum"? 367 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:23,294 - 'Cause you're a pirate? - Okay, eye patch gone. 368 00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,793 And we can't just abandon Ted. 369 00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:28,996 If it doesn't go well up there, he's gonna need some support. 370 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,043 It's been, like, 20 minutes. Do you think they're doing it? 371 00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,668 You think they're doing it in front of the dogs? 372 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,371 Doggie style. 373 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:37,740 I knew this girl in college, she had this Golden Retriever... 374 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,943 Okay, we can go to the bar. Just stop talking. 375 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,314 Hit it, Ranjit. 376 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,851 So, when you tell this story to your friends, 377 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,895 could you avoid the word "psycho"? 378 00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,391 I'd prefer "eccentric." 379 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,164 Goodnight, psycho. 380 00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:01,873 Great. 381 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,401 - How do I get to the F train? - Oh. 382 00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:08,743 - Two blocks, that way and take a right. - Thanks. 383 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,140 You know what? 384 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:17,551 I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. 385 00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:20,584 Look, obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met 386 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:24,458 you love her, but it sucks that you can't. 387 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,831 I'll tell you something, though. If a woman, 388 00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,766 not you, just some hypothetical woman, 389 00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:33,531 were to bear with me through all this, 390 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:37,075 I think I'd make a damn good husband because that's the stuff I'd be good at. 391 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:41,044 Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father 392 00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:44,607 and walking her five hypothetical dogs. 393 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,642 Being a good kisser. 394 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:52,813 - Everyone thinks they're a good kisser. - Oh, I've got references. 395 00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:55,049 Goodnight, Ted. 396 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,364 - And I'm a good handshaker. - That's a pretty great handshake. 397 00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,839 And that was it. I'll probably never see her again. 398 00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,681 - What? - That was the signal. 399 00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:21,310 That long, lingering handshake. You should've kissed her. 400 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,278 There's no such thing as the signal. 401 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,653 But, yeah, that was the signal. 402 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:27,952 Signal. 403 00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:32,596 Carl, thank you. There's something I gotta do. 404 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:36,359 By the way, you should've kissed her. 405 00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:38,829 Carl, you guys weren't there. 406 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,665 I am so turned on right now. 407 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,440 Guys, trust me. I've seen the signal. 408 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,613 - That was not the signal. - Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore. 409 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:54,616 - To my fianc�e. - To the future. 410 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,585 To one hell of a night. 411 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,026 That was not the signal. 412 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:07,364 I asked her about it years later, and, yeah, that was the signal, 413 00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,865 I could've kissed her, 414 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:12,801 But that's the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you plan it or not, 415 00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:14,929 I mean, I never thought I'd see that girl again, 416 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,166 But it turns out, 417 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,403 I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming, 418 00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:21,979 Because that, kids, is the true story 419 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,241 of how I met your Aunt Robin. 420 00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:26,841 Aunt Robin? 421 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,715 I thought this was how you met Mom. 422 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:30,845 Will you relax? I'm getting to it. 423 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:34,689 Like I said, it's a long story. 424 00:21:35,305 --> 00:21:41,398 Craving big poker? Feast your eyes on Venom. $5 million GTD. AmericasCardroom.com33100

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