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1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,463
All right...so something
you're gonna have to deal with
2
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:08,383
way more so than me
is gonna be technology.
3
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,344
You know? Like, I was fine with
technology right up to 1995.
4
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,638
You know, we had air bags.
5
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,598
Used to be like curing diseases,
6
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,225
going from a horse to now
7
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,768
where an automobile learning
how to fly.
8
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,061
That used to be technology.
9
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:22,188
Now it's just like,
"Oh, look, I can take a--
10
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:25,233
I can take a clearer picture of
the burrito I just fucking ate."
11
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,652
Fucking bullshit. All excited
because you got a better camera.
12
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:30,321
It's an invasion
of your privacy.
13
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,240
Just watch how much
you have it in your house,
14
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,826
'cause I'm telling you,
everybody, they're bugging the
house, right?
15
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,454
There's no place for you to
jerk off without getting filmed.
16
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:41,082
Every time you rub one out, you
got the camera pointed at you.
17
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,834
Somebody's saving
all that stuff.
18
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:47,005
I mean, I held onto my square TV
till the late 2000s.
19
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,299
All my friends were trashing me,
20
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,010
and they went out and they
bought these stupid flat-screen
TVs,
21
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,471
and little did they know
there's a camera on it
22
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,597
and the thing's sitting there
watching you
23
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,682
banging your fucking wife.
24
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:58,975
You gotta watch out
for those guys.
25
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,894
All of those guys I think
work for the government.
26
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,354
All those people that come in,
they set up your TV,
27
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:06,149
your entertainment--
your speakers in the ceiling.
28
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,485
Fuck that. You should
have all your technology,
29
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,987
all your media,
in one room of your house,
30
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,739
and everything else
is a safe space.
31
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:20,121
[R&B music playing in room]
32
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,217
MAN'S VOICE: Ashley?
33
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,552
[clears throat]
Ashley.
34
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,179
[mutters] This is really
annoying, god dammit.
35
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,222
Sorry, sorry.
36
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,850
[scoffs] Ah.
37
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,477
Ashley. No, no, no!
Ashley! Ashley!
38
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:43,478
I think you have cancer.
39
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:50,527
I've been watching you
for the past nine months.
40
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,070
Ashley...
41
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,781
I love you.
42
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,784
I love every detail,
everything about you,
43
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,703
including the cute little
mole on the back of your left
shoulder,
44
00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:03,748
which I now see
45
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,126
is melanoma.
46
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,628
Ashley, my mom died
of skin cancer.
47
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,381
It's a hell of a beast.
48
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,173
Just get it looked at.
49
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,259
I love y--
50
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,439
Hmm? Yeah, 10:00 am Wednesday
works great.
51
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,111
Yes, I'll, um--
I'll bring my insurance card.
52
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:37,991
[door opens]
53
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,501
[crying]
54
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,171
ASHLEY: No, it's fine.
55
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,381
No, I told you, it's at noon.
56
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:56,593
Yes, Mom, I know
it's my last one.
57
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,220
Okay. I'll see you there.
58
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,930
All right, love you too. Bye.
59
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:03,808
[door closes]
60
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,036
Hello?
61
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,539
Hello?
62
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:27,749
Are you there?
63
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,211
Oh, Ashley! Mm.
64
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:37,175
Uh, I just wanted to, um...
65
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,719
I can't believe this,
but, um...
66
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,597
I just wanted to say thank you.
67
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:45,391
The doctor said that, um,
it could've been really bad
68
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,186
if we caught the cancer
any later.
69
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:51,105
I'm really glad
you're okay.
70
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:54,192
[chuckles] This might
sound crazy, but...
71
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,988
Could I take you out
to dinner sometime?
72
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:02,617
Yeah.
73
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,743
Really?
74
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,913
Fuck no! You're a
fucking stalker.
75
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,540
- Got it.
- Bye.
76
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,167
God, I gotta tell
my mom about this.
77
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,004
But watch out
for technology, man.
78
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,881
I spent the most important years
of my life
79
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,759
staring at my phone
looking at online porn.
80
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,929
You know? And I do mean
looking at it.
81
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,889
'Cause I swear to God, after a
while I just stopped jerking
off.
82
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,182
I would just be, like,
you know,
83
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,184
like I was watching
surveillance footage.
84
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,186
I'd start laughing.
85
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,771
"Why would she say that?"
86
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,399
I haven't watched it
in three months, so,
87
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,566
that's a good thing.
88
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:41,781
[country-pop music playing]
[teen girls giggling quietly]
89
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,825
MADDY: She's so wasted.
90
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,702
EVA:
What is that dance she's doing?
91
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:49,038
- EVA: Mom?
- BOTH: Mom?
92
00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,540
EVA:
What was the dance to this
93
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,125
you showed us at, um--
at Jeremy's wedding?
94
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:59,048
[girls laughing]
MADDY: She's so wasted.
95
00:04:59,048 --> 00:04:59,757
- MADDY: Take the camera.
- EVA: Okay.
96
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,676
MADDY: Watch this. Mom?
97
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,514
Uh, hey, Mom, can I have
some money for the movies?
98
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,391
How much do you need?
99
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,310
- Like $200.
- [Maddy giggles]
100
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,562
- $200?
- Yeah.
101
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,987
- Sure, sweetie.
- EVA: Oh. Holy shit!
102
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,865
I have to find my purse.
103
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:24,699
MADDY: [giggling] Mom?
104
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,460
Dishwasher. Uh, Mom?
105
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,758
What are you doing?
Mom?
106
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:42,800
EVA:
Oh, my God, she's a mess.
107
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,804
Uh...
108
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,308
MADDY: [urgent whisper]
Did you know that was there?
109
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:53,186
Eva, when is--what's the date of
your birthday again?
110
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,938
- Is it six or seven?
- Six.
111
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,649
Right.
112
00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,442
[groans]
113
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,655
- Mom!
- Oh, my God! Mom, stop!
114
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,741
- Mom!
- Okay...
115
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,326
Mom!
116
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:12,038
[all screaming and clamoring]
117
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,415
[man grunting in panic]
[girls screaming]
118
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:16,000
[bodies thud]
What is going on?!
119
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,294
- [screams]
- Mom, what is happening?
120
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,255
- MOM: Hit him!
- EVA: Maddy! Hit him!
121
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:22,924
- No!
- EVA: Aah! Do it!
122
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,384
MOM: Hit him!
123
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,468
[Eva screams]
124
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:30,515
[country-pop music continues]
125
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,724
Good girls.
126
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,901
I told you my purse was in here.
9033
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