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1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,704
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,374
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,744
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,981
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,454
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,267
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,958
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,070
Lois, look at this.
11
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:41,373
My essay won first prize
in the New England
Rising Writers Contest.
12
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,961
I'm gonna be honored
at the big ceremony
on Martha's Vineyard.
13
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:46,311
Ooh! New England
Rising Writers.
14
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,392
I'm sure it'll be
a veritable "who's that"
of the literary world.
15
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,015
Well, laugh all you want,
16
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,724
but they're gonna
put me up at a luxury hotel,
all expenses paid.
17
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:55,898
Wow, congratulations, Brian.
18
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,255
Meg, please, I'm talking.
19
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,191
Over a thousand people
entered the contest,
20
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:00,392
and they chose mine.
21
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,127
Well, that's wonderful, Brian.
22
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,040
Yeah, that's
a great achievement.
23
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,565
Just like the first
chemotherapy patient to figure
out the handkerchief look.
24
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,836
Honey, get in here!
25
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,206
What is it?
Just... Just get in here!
26
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:17,576
What... Oh, my God.
Right?
27
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,789
It's like you don't
even have cancer!
Don't even have cancer!
28
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,648
I know.
Oh, my God.
29
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:25,050
No, but I still have
pretty aggressive cancer.
30
00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:32,123
Come on, Peter.
We're gonna be late
for lunch with Mom and Dad.
31
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,626
Oh. Right.
32
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,060
You didn't forget, did you?
33
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:37,329
No, no, I didn't forget.
34
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,499
Let me just go change
out of this fishing gear.
35
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,213
Hey, Peter, what's up?
Come on, come on,
we gotta go now!
36
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:47,016
We gotta go now. Come on,
Joe! Joe! Quagmire!
Come on. Go, go, go!
37
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,218
Pull the car around.
Come on, let's go!
38
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,946
Hello?
Lois, this is Peter.
39
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:57,382
I'm afraid that on my wayto the bedroom tochange, I took ill.
40
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,050
You'd best go to
lunch without me.
41
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,152
Why do I hear an engine?
42
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,988
Because my stomach
is rumbling in a way
43
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,296
that sounds like the engine
of Joe's fishing truck.
44
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,559
Peter, are you lying?
45
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,293
Now she's a doctor, guys.
46
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,972
- Hi, Lois!
- Quagmire says hi.
47
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:12,309
Damn it, Peter,
you're going fishing,
aren't you?
48
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,811
You promised me
you'd come to lunch
with my parents today.
49
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,202
Well, Lois,until we get anappointment secretary,
50
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:20,172
things like thisare gonna continueto fall through the cracks.
51
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,541
My parents are not
gonna like this, Peter.
52
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:25,889
You know they're still
angry at how you
behaved at our wedding.
53
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,380
You may now kiss the bride.
54
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,983
Kiss her?
I am gonna destroy her.
55
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:40,425
Mom, are you still
mad at Dad
about yesterday?
56
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,671
Well, sort of.
57
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:44,128
I mean, we planned
that lunch two weeks ago.
58
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,709
But he promised he'd go with me
59
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,910
to put flowers on
my grandmother's
grave this afternoon,
60
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,746
so I guess it's all right.
61
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,203
Peter, are you ready...
62
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:53,705
Oh. Right.
63
00:02:58,044 --> 00:03:01,146
So, a lot of tension
with Peter lately, huh?
64
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:04,883
That's an understatement,
Brian. He's been incredibly
thoughtless lately.
65
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,985
Even more so than usual.
66
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,687
But tonight is our sex night,
67
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:12,057
and a little physical release
will do us both some good.
68
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,226
Peter, are you...
Oh, come on!
69
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,460
Lois, I know it's late,
70
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,240
but, me and the guys,
we're going beekeeping.
71
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:19,775
Oh, my God,
what the hell is
wrong with you?
72
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:24,403
Whoa, someone just
yelled themselves out
of honey with breakfast.
73
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,937
I don't need honey, Peter,
74
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:28,718
I need a husband
who wants to
spend time with me.
75
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,375
Can I make a suggestion?
76
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:34,012
All you two have done
is argue about stuff
for the past two weeks.
77
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,126
It's my guess you
could use a vacation.
78
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,627
Why don't you come out
to Martha's Vineyard
79
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,662
and watch me accept my award?
80
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,865
Wow, does that sound wonderful.
81
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,722
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that sounds expensive.
82
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,735
Can't we just do
something fun here
at the house?
83
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,125
It's just as relaxing.
84
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:51,229
Hey, guys,
I've decided I'm
gonna take up the drums.
85
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,242
I'll start packing.
I'll start packing.
86
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:10,181
Look, Quagmire, we're only
gonna be in Martha's Vineyard
for a couple days.
87
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,610
Can't you just watch the kids?
88
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:15,253
Man, you're more of a letdown
than Fruit Stripe Gum.
89
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,324
Hmm! Aw!
90
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,192
What are we gonna do, Lois?
Quagmire's busy,
91
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:22,794
and Joe and Bonnie
are out of town.
92
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,195
Well, what about Cleveland?
93
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,665
He's on the road
touring with Black Box.
94
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,908
♪ Everybody
♪ Everybody
95
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,377
♪ Everybody ♪
♪ Everybody ♪
96
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,390
Well, wait a minute,
what about that nice old man
97
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:42,681
who lives up the street?
98
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,394
Oh, yeah,
maybe Herbert can
watch the kids.
99
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,298
He seems like a responsible guy.
100
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:50,355
D pay you for it.
101
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,101
Yeah, and it's
real easy, I promise.
102
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,592
I mean, you've spent time
watching children, right?
103
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,439
Yes, sir.
Yes, I have.
104
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,495
Wonderful.
105
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:59,275
You mind stopping by
tomorrow morning?
106
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,565
I'll wear my snazziest duds.
107
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,436
♪ Got my tweed pressed
108
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,706
♪ Got my best vest
109
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:12,577
♪ All I need now is a boy
110
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,545
♪ Got my striped tie
111
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,781
♪ Got my hopes high
112
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,884
♪ Got the time and the place
And I got rhythm
113
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,320
♪ Now all I need is Chris
to go with 'em
114
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:25,357
♪ If he'll just appear
115
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:30,862
♪ We'll fill this
big town full of joy
116
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:34,565
♪ And if he'll say
"My, darling, I'm yours"
117
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:37,702
♪ I'll throw away
my striped tie
118
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,971
♪ And my best-pressed tweed
119
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:45,110
♪ All I really need is a boy ♪
120
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,759
Brian, this is wonderful.
I feel like one of
the Kennedys.
121
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,668
You know, the
over-privileged drunk ones,
122
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,730
not the socially-responsible
dead ones.
123
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,976
You know, this resort offers
some wonderful amenities.
124
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,035
They have bird-watching,
wine tasting,
horseback riding.
125
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:13,338
Yeah, they also
have stork startling.
126
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:16,119
Squawkety, squawkety,
squawkety, squawkety,
squawkety, squawkety!
127
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:20,905
Your bird intelligence
is no match for my
people intelligence.
128
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,786
This is so wonderfully peaceful.
129
00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:31,088
Yeah, really is
another world out here.
130
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,091
And just so quiet.
131
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,807
♪ I'm half shark
and half Peter
132
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,298
♪ Don't come near me,
I will eat you ♪
133
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,213
Peter, will you
knock that off?
It's getting annoying.
134
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,871
All right, fine.
I'm gonna go scare
some people.
135
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,441
Nobody will buy it.
There are no sharks out here.
136
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,543
Lots of people
swimming up there.
137
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:54,812
I could pig out
if I wanted to, but
I'm watching my weight
138
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,882
'cause I don't wanna
spend the Fourth of
July alone again.
139
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:02,019
Plus, I ate a dog yesterday,
and now I got a bone
stuck in my anus.
140
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:08,359
All right, children,
your mammy and pappy asked me
141
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,961
to look after you
for the next couple days,
142
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,765
so I want to lay down
a few ground rules.
143
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,267
No cussing, clean your plates,
144
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:20,070
and only a half hour of radio
and then it's off to bed.
145
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,673
Well, that sucks.
146
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:25,342
And don't you mouth off to me,
or I'm gonna slap you
right in your penis.
147
00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:26,711
No offense, Mr. Herbert,
148
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,247
but I'm a 17-year-old girl,
and I don't need you here.
149
00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:31,182
Well, no offense to you, Meg,
150
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,785
but you're a 17-year-old girl,
and I don't need you here.
151
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,505
What do you think's
keeping Peter?
152
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:45,040
I hope he gets here
before they give
you your award.
153
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,131
Well, you're here, Lois.
That's enough for me.
154
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,377
Oh...
155
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,734
You always know
just what to say.
156
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,382
And the awardfor most mediocrechildren's book
157
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,975
goes to
The Adventures of Haskell:
The Mystery Horse.
158
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,076
Here to accept is Haskell.
159
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,546
Thank you.
160
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:06,684
Where am I gonna go next,
what interesting adventure?
161
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:10,321
You don't know.
I'll have my award now.
162
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,892
And now, reading a passage
163
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:18,262
from his grand prize-winningshort essay, Amazing Grace,
164
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,531
tonight's guest of honor,
Mr. Brian Griffin.
165
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:26,404
Thank you very much.
166
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:29,807
"She was grace in name
and in essence.
167
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:34,779
"To those she loved,she exuded strength,life, laughter and light.
168
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,848
"And, to me, also sorrow,
169
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,496
"for circumstancehad bound herto my best friend,
170
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:43,321
"through whom we metin the warmth andserenity of her home.
171
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,557
"Nothing from
the first day I saw her
172
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,859
"and no one
that has happened to me since
173
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:51,263
"has ever beenas frighteningand as confusing,
174
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,831
"for no person I've ever known
has ever done more
175
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,035
"to make me feel more sure,
more insecure,
176
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,704
"more important
and less significant."
177
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,682
That was beautiful, Brian.
178
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,985
Well, you know what they say,
write what's in your heart.
179
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:18,323
Hey! Oh, did...
Did I miss Byron's reward?
180
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:21,593
Brian's award.
And, yes, you did, Peter.
181
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:25,830
You've been a good son, Brian,
and I'm sorry you're so sick.
182
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:35,540
Every time that we go
to a hotel, you hide the
key to the minibar from me.
183
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:39,243
But I found it.
I found it.
184
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,114
Lois Griffin.
185
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,884
You're a piece of work,
you know that? An hour
late and you're drunk.
186
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,887
You had an opportunity
to share a beautiful
moment with Brian,
187
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,255
and you wasted it,
188
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,204
wasted it like the
Osmond family
wastes water.
189
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,541
Who's in the shower?
Is it Donny?
190
00:09:57,565 --> 00:10:00,164
No, I showered earlier.
It could be Merrill.
191
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,700
Merrill's right here.
192
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,034
Well, where's Jimmy?
193
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,537
Jimmy's running through
the sprinklers in the yard.
194
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:06,683
Is it Marie?
195
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,339
No, no one's in there.
196
00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:11,576
So the shower's just running
with no one in there?
197
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,645
That's right.
198
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:15,033
Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
199
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,719
Hey. Good morning.
200
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,889
Oh, good morning, Brian.
201
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,225
That's a lovely fragrance
you're wearing. What is it?
202
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,195
Oh, this? This is
Hartz Mountain Flea Dip.
203
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:33,265
Kills ticks, fleas
and mosquitoes.
It's very potent.
204
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,533
Almost as potent
as the inspiration
you give me
205
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,969
to plumb the deepest
fathoms of my soul
206
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:41,239
for a literary bounty
of truth and loveliness.
207
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:49,080
That's so much better.
Morning, Lois.
208
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,517
I'm sorry about last night.
I promise I'll make
it up to you.
209
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,786
Well, if you really mean that,
210
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,155
I was hoping we could go
paddle-boating today.
211
00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:00,236
Great, but can we
do it after 5:00?
There's a ball game on.
212
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,560
Well, then maybe Brian
and I can hang out.
213
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,672
Do you mind, Brian?
214
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,230
No, not at all.
215
00:11:05,299 --> 00:11:07,310
Good, now can you move,
please? You're blocking
the screen.
216
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,814
We nowreturn to Damn, Nature,
You Scary on BET.
217
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,505
N,
that motherfucker run fast.You see that shit?
218
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:17,575
That thing come
by my house, I kill it.
219
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,959
That little rat-lookingthing just got ate.Damn, Nature, you scary!
220
00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:27,619
s
221
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:30,856
♪ A kiss is still a kiss
222
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:37,129
♪ A sigh is just a sigh
223
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:43,001
♪ The fundamental things apply
224
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:47,438
♪ As time goes by
225
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:56,815
♪ Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date
226
00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:02,921
♪ Hearts filled with passion
Jealousy and hate
227
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:09,961
♪ Woman needs man
And man must have his mate
228
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:14,399
♪ That no one can deny
229
00:12:14,468 --> 00:12:17,535
♪ It's still the same
old story
230
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,571
♪ A fight for love and glory
231
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:26,878
♪ A case of do or die
232
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:32,316
♪ The world will
always welcome lovers
233
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:36,287
♪ As time goes by
234
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:42,727
♪ The world will
always welcome lovers
235
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:49,801
♪ As time goes by ♪
236
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,177
You all know what day it is?
No.
237
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,845
It's bath day.
238
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,825
I don't want to take a bath.
239
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,220
Not for you, silly.
It's bath day for me,
but I can't wash myself.
240
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,056
Know anybody
with a pair of strong,
young hands
241
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,445
to help me in and
out of the tub?
242
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,627
Rats!
243
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,168
Oh, I had so much
fun today, Brian.
244
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:24,402
So did I.
245
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,915
Hey, you feel like grabbing
something to eat?
246
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,884
Oh, I'd love to,
but Peter and I,
247
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:30,876
we're gonna get dinner
at that little place by the...
248
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,884
Well, looks like I am free.
249
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,698
Hey, you know what might be fun?
250
00:13:41,722 --> 00:13:44,867
How about we just order
room service and watch
a couple of bad movies?
251
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,759
Yeah, that does
sound like fun.
I'll go rent Vanilla Sky.
252
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:50,361
I said a bad movie,
not an abortion.
253
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:56,034
This is gonna be great.
A whole evening with Lois!
254
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,646
We are gonna
have such a fun time.
255
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,003
Lois, my darling!
256
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,673
Couple of steaks, some wine,
maybe a couple of sundaes...
257
00:14:01,742 --> 00:14:02,942
Lois, my darling!
258
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,969
Little music, some candlelight.
259
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,825
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What am I doing?
260
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,660
This is Lois, Peter's wife.
261
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,251
How can I even think
about trying anything?
262
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,065
- Hello?
- Hey, Brian, it's me.
263
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,123
I got a question for you.
264
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:22,060
Herbert and I are playingScattergories. Would youcount NyQuil as a beverage?
265
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,273
No, right?
No.
266
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,109
Yeah, not gonna fly, old man.
Thanks, Brian.
267
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,533
Oh, that is bullshit!
268
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:34,672
This is so much fun, Brian.
269
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:35,917
Well, it's a Saturday night,
270
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:38,175
sorry the video-store pickings
were a little sparse.
271
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,511
Hope you like Roman Holiday.
272
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:43,280
I lied. I was a princess
the whole time.
273
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:47,017
You bitch!I'm gonna punchyou in the face!
274
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:51,255
That was a lovely dinner.
I saved all my scraps
in a bag for you.
275
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:55,625
Thanks. You know, Lois,
I'm sure you've already
figured this out,
276
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:59,830
but that essay I wrote,
I wrote it about you.
277
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:01,531
Oh...
278
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:06,370
I had a hunch. Thank you,
Brian. I'm glad you
shared that with me.
279
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,839
Well, you know, Lois,
you mean a lot to me.
280
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:14,110
I mean, things you say
and things you do resonate
with me in a big way.
281
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:17,982
When you drive away to
go to the market, I just don't
know what to do with myself.
282
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:21,252
And then when I hear that car
coming up the driveway,
I just go berserk.
283
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,798
I mean, you know,
half the time, when
you go to the market,
284
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:26,134
I just assume
you're leaving forever,
and when you get back,
285
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:30,193
I realize I have no idea
how long you've been gone,
and I...
286
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,396
Well, you know what, I'm...
I'm rambling. I...
287
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,775
Would you like
some more champagne?
288
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,765
I'd love some.
289
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,436
My head is swimming.
290
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:45,642
Oh, my God! Brian, no!
Now, stop it!
What are you doing?
291
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,056
I can't help myself, Lois!
I know you're married
to Peter,
292
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,725
but I love you
and I can't stand
it anymore!
293
00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:54,318
Brian, no! No!
Get down! Get down!
294
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:57,854
This is a good
sweater! Off! Off!
295
00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:01,292
Brian, I think you'd better go.
296
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:12,035
Lois, I'd really
like to talk about this.
297
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:14,637
No! Stop scratching the door!
Okay.
298
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,478
Oh, my God, I attacked Lois!
299
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:23,491
What the hell
was I thinking?
I'm a rapist!
300
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:27,351
I'm... I'm no better
than Kobe Bryant
or Mike Tyson or Reagan!
301
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:30,999
Hey, Brian,another Scattergoriesquestion.
302
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:34,825
The category is "Type of Pet."
Herbert put "Cambodian."
303
00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:36,293
That's not right, right?
304
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:38,073
Look, Stewie,
I can't talk about
this now, all right?
305
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,629
Jeez, what's your problem?
306
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,131
I just...
307
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,368
I did a bad thing,
and I don't know
what to do about it.
308
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:46,503
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
309
00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:49,172
That's how I felt
at that Grateful Dead show.
310
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:52,443
Does anybody
want to buy my shirt?
311
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,446
I'll trade you my shirt
for a grilled cheese!
312
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:59,616
So, what happened, sport?
Come on, talk to
your pal, Stewie.
313
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:03,086
All right, but only because
I've got to tell somebody.
314
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:06,022
I pretty much just
threw myself at Lois.
315
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,625
So, you finally did it, huh?
316
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,639
Well, look, Brian,
as your friend,
317
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,508
I should tell you
that that vagina is
ground zero, man.
318
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,311
I mean, I just...
I wrecked that thing
on the way out.
319
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:20,270
And just to be a jerk,
I carved "Brooks
was here" in the wall.
320
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:23,540
Did... Did you see that?
Did you see "Brooks was here"?
321
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,275
We didn't have sex.
322
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:28,456
'Course, what with Chris
going before me, I pretty
much just walked out of there.
323
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,192
Didn't even have to stoop over.
324
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,949
There was even room
to twirl a cane as I strolled.
325
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:35,029
You're exaggerating.
Only a little bit,
326
00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:37,213
that's the messed-up thing.
327
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,926
Morning, Lois.
Peter, there you are.
328
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:45,206
Were you down
at that hotel bar
all night again?
329
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,564
I was, Lois.
And you know who's
staying at this hotel?
330
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,232
Nathan Lane!
331
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:52,035
We got wasted at the bar,
and he ended up asking
me to marry him,
332
00:17:52,103 --> 00:17:55,271
so I convinced this
minister to do the job,
but the joke's on Nathan Lane,
333
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,040
'cause gay people
can't get married!
334
00:17:57,109 --> 00:18:00,510
They can in this state, Peter.
Oh.
335
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,879
Well, in that case,
we're registered
at Filene's.
336
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:06,150
God, you've spent half
this entire trip intoxicated!
337
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:08,418
I'm intoxicated all right, Lois,
338
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:11,188
by the beauty and magic
of Martha's Vineyard,
339
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:14,792
Nantucket, Cape Cod
and all the great destinations
340
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:18,262
that make Massachusetts
the wondrous place it is.
341
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:22,165
♪ The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
342
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:25,969
♪ The spirit of what's
old and what's new
343
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:29,839
♪ The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
344
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:33,310
♪ The spirit of the red,
white and blue ♪
345
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:37,682
Brian brought us out here, Lois.
346
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,562
He's a real pal, you know that?
347
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,454
Well, it's actually Brian
I need to talk to you about.
348
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,534
Boy, he's a hell
of a guy, isn't he?
349
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,302
I mean, Quagmire's
a lot of fun at a party,
350
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,260
but, you know, he's
so horny all the time,
I feel like I can't trust him.
351
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,507
Cleveland's a great guy
but he's got a mustache,
352
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,543
so you got to wonder
what he's hiding.
353
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,345
Joe's a cripple,
so, for obvious reasons,
I can't trust him.
354
00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:01,272
But Brian, Brian's solid.
He's the one guy
I know I can trust.
355
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,175
Brian tried to have sex with me.
356
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,444
Was he bigger than me?
357
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:13,151
"and they told Peter
to stay away from the Wolf.
358
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:17,188
"But he didn't listen to them
'cause he's his own man.
359
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:21,692
"And he knew that sometimes
the things that seem
the most dangerous
360
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,429
"turn out to be
the most fun."
361
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:28,032
Yes, sir, it was
a good day for young Peter.
362
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:39,510
Are you a pedophile?
363
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,987
Hey, Lois told me
there was some
funny business.
364
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,901
Yeah, what of it?
Well, it's just...
365
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:54,358
I can't help but feel
a little betrayed, Brian.
366
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,194
Lois is my wife, and...
367
00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:58,874
Well, I mean,
all the dry food I've bought
for you over the years?
368
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,743
Yeah, well,
you don't deserve her,
you know that?
369
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,778
Say what, now?
You don't deserve her.
370
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,036
She does nothing
but give and give and give,
371
00:20:05,105 --> 00:20:07,571
and you repay her
with selfishness and neglect.
372
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,652
I mean, you've barely
spent any time with her
at all on this vacation.
373
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,355
Well, who the hell are you
to tell me how to
run my marriage?
374
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,891
You can't even hang on
to a girlfriend for more
than a couple months!
375
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,359
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
376
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,917
You're a freakin' train wreck
with that crap, Brian.
377
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,730
You couldn't even get Jillian
to take you back,
378
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,288
and she was dumber
than Lou Ferrigno.
379
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:58,289
Stop it! Stop it!
Get off my husband!
380
00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:02,527
Wait a minute, Brian.
Nathan Lane is right.
What are we doing?
381
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,730
Look, I'm sorry,
all right? It's just...
382
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:09,800
When you have feelings
for someone that are
strong enough, you just,
383
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,180
I don't know,
lose sight of the
rest of the world.
384
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:16,507
Brian, she's my wife,
and you're my best pal.
385
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,487
So, what are we
gonna do about this?
386
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:24,281
I promise, Peter,
nothing like this
will ever happen again.
387
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,816
Thanks, old buddy.
388
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:28,364
Yeah, blah, blah, blah!
That's all well
and good, Peter.
389
00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:32,122
Now, get ready,
we're having dinner
with my parents tonight!
390
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:34,659
Oh. Right.
391
00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:41,699
I just feel terrible
about this whole thing, Lois.
392
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:42,900
Can you ever forgive me?
393
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:46,036
Yes, Brian, I can.
394
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:48,150
But there's something
you deserve to know.
395
00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:50,541
What's that?
Well,
396
00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,976
it's not like I
haven't thought about it.
397
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:54,456
Really?
Well, yes.
398
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,281
I mean, you and I
have a lot in common,
399
00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:59,861
and we've spent
so much time together
over the years,
400
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:04,922
and, of course,
that essay you wrote,
it really touched my heart.
401
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,524
Well, to be honest, Lois,
402
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,894
I ripped off
most of that speech
from Summer of '42.
403
00:22:09,963 --> 00:22:11,228
Oh.
404
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:12,963
Well, it was still nice.
405
00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:14,431
Let me just ask you this.
406
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:17,635
When these thoughts about you
and I have crossed your mind,
407
00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:19,937
is it good?
408
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:21,939
What do you mean?
Well...
409
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:23,047
Oh!
410
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,475
Yeah.
411
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,855
Well, a lot of times
when Peter and I
are having sex,
412
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:28,579
I feel suffocated,
413
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:31,994
but with you I imagine
it would be like doing it
with a stuffed animal.
414
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,284
Everybody ready to go?
415
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,385
All set, Peter.
416
00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:36,053
Good.
417
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,066
Well, we may be leaving
Martha's Vineyard,
418
00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:41,925
but the spirit of this
wonderful place will stay in
our hearts all the way home.
419
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:47,964
♪ The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
420
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:51,769
♪ The spirit of
what's old and what's new
421
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:55,639
♪ The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
422
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:59,409
♪ The spirit of the red,
white and blue
423
00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:03,347
♪ The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
424
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:07,184
♪ The spirit of what's old
and what's new
425
00:23:07,253 --> 00:23:11,021
♪ The spirit of Massachusetts
Is the spirit of America
426
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:17,962
♪ The spirit of the red,
white and blue ♪
35097
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