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1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:06,004
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:09,307
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,014
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,721
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:24,334
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,024
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,963
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,336
Mom, where's Dad?
11
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:38,870
Over across the street.
12
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,150
He's collecting
Cleveland's mail
while he's out of town.
13
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:42,640
Black guy mail!
14
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,076
Peter,
you're just supposed to
pick up Cleveland's mail,
15
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:46,344
not go through it.
16
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,658
Lois, black people are
different than you and I.
17
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,682
And me, I find that hilarious.
18
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:53,318
Boy, Cleveland gets
a lot of magazines.
19
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:58,657
Grape Soda Today,Orange Soda Quarterly,The Fruit Punch Reader.
20
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,303
Hey, what you got there, Stewie?
21
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,593
Ooh! Mustache Aficionado.
22
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,266
Wow, look at these men!
What class. What grace.
23
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,735
And all because of
a little upper-lip hair.
24
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,415
Lois,
I am gonna
grow a mustache.
25
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:15,040
Then I'll have it made,
like the Monopoly guy.
26
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:17,253
Except
when he goes
directly to jail.
27
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:19,878
I wish I could tell
you that the Monopoly guy
28
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:23,115
fought the good fight,
and the sisters let him be.
29
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:27,953
I wish I could tell you that,but prison is no fairytaleworld.
30
00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:35,060
Hey, Rupert, what if the
refrigerator was a monster
31
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:36,494
that talked like this?
32
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:38,441
I am a monster.
33
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,276
I am going to bite your fingers.
34
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,168
Here I come.
I'm going to get you.
35
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,114
Ah! I don't
want to play anymore.
Normal voice, normal voice.
36
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,939
The refrigerator
can't hurt me. Okay?
37
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,275
Oh, my God, Dad!
What's on your face?
38
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,177
Meg, it goes by many names.
39
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:56,615
Soup Strainer, Lip Whiskers,
and, until recently, Giant
Horse Vagina,
40
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,517
but I prefer the term mustache.
41
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:00,452
Oh! I think it's sexy.
42
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,787
I think it's gay.
It's not gay, Brian.
43
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,123
If I'm gay, then
Freddie Mercury was gay.
44
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,092
Freddie Mercury,
the lead singer
of Queen?
45
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,293
He was incredibly gay.
46
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,207
He was not.
He had a mustache,
47
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,208
which is practically
like a wedding ring.
48
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:15,934
I imagine you're gonna be
much more of a stern father
now that you have a mustache.
49
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,615
Well, Chris,
there may be more lap
sitting than there's been,
50
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,117
and I might
answer most of your
questions with a story,
51
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,041
but mostly,
my mustache tells people
52
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:25,944
that there is a 90% chance
that I am poorly educated,
53
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:28,947
that I keep upscale porn
magazines out in the open,
54
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,828
and that I listen to
the Little River Band
with giant headphones.
55
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:36,054
Ew! That's the ugliest thing
the fat man's grown since
that horse leg.
56
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,789
Hey, Peter,
have you seen my... Ah!
57
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:40,292
Brian, I'm sorry,
but what do I keep saying?
58
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:44,029
Do not stand behind me.
Because I will get scared.
59
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:50,134
And now back to One Tree Hill.
60
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,170
Dude, let me tell you something.
61
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:55,340
There is nothingthat'll ever happenin the rest of our lives
62
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,276
that's as important as
what's going on right here,
63
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:01,245
right now,in high school,by these lockers.
64
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,259
I've got so many problems.
65
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:06,985
Hey.Nothing that can't befixed by staring at a lake.
66
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:11,523
♪ High school is
such a serious thing
67
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:15,927
♪ These problems matter ♪
68
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:18,241
God,
these high school
students are lame.
69
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,577
I'm a freakin' baby,
and I'm cooler than
they are.
70
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,144
What the hell do you
know about high school?
71
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,337
Are you kidding?
These kids today are
so easy to manipulate.
72
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,472
If you plopped me in the
middle of a high school,
73
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,607
I could be
the most popular
kid there in a week.
74
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,544
Really?
Would you care to
place a wager on that?
75
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:33,978
Absolutely.
What are the stakes?
76
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,125
Okay, if I win,
and you can't do it,
77
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:39,851
you have to put your nose
in Meg's hat and take an
eight-second inhale.
78
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:42,354
Okay, and if I win,
you have to go online
79
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,824
and download that footage
of the dancing baby from
Ally McBeal,
80
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,693
and you have to forward it
to all your friends with
the message,
81
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,429
"Oh, my God, look
what I just found
online!
82
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,531
"Isn't this
the funniest thing
you've ever seen?"
83
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,677
So, is it a bet?
Yeah, fine.
84
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,461
Kiss on it? Oh!
What?
85
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,274
Wow, Dad, you're up early.
86
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,863
Yep, it's
a mustache kind
of morning, Chris.
87
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,315
I watched
the sun rise in my jeans,
jean shirt and jean jacket.
88
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:13,018
Gosh, mustache
culture is pretty cool.
89
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,488
You betcha, son.
I'm gonna make you some
hash browns for breakfast,
90
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,824
and then later I'm gonna take
you down to the whorehouse
to lose your virginity.
91
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,471
Would you like that?
Would I?
92
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,673
Wow, that's
a way better present
than that buff hamster
93
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,777
you got me last Christmas.
94
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:31,202
Run on that wheel
for the past three weeks.
95
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,204
Yeah,
looks like it's
in pretty good shape.
96
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,153
Can I pick it up?
I wouldn't.
97
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,589
Boy, you know,
I've always wanted
to come in here,
98
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,825
and now
that I got a mustache,
the timing feels right.
99
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,582
Wow,
all this stuff
looks pretty good.
100
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,217
Can we get some salami and...
101
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,819
Brian, Brian,
let me handle this.
102
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,924
Peter, what are you doing?
Speaking Italian.
103
00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:58,163
Peter, you can't speak Italian
just because you have
a mustache.
104
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,983
Hi there. Is this the
Quahog Mustache Society?
105
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:21,019
Yes, it is.
What's the secret password?
106
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,207
Mustache.
All right. Come on in.
107
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,769
Good afternoon,
mustache wearers.
108
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,537
Don't forget to help
yourself to the buffet.
109
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,574
There's spaghetti and
meatballs, powdered
donuts and bubblegum.
110
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:32,598
Point of mustache.
111
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,210
The chair recognizes
your mustache.
112
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,646
Have we
discussed what to send
Wilford Brimley next month,
113
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,103
as it is the 70th birthday
of his mustache?
114
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,683
Oh, I think
we just send
a nice card.
115
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,184
Just make sure it
has a mustache on it.
116
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,285
Point of mustache.
117
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,654
The chair
recognizes your mustache.
118
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,545
What can we, as citizens,
do about mustache awareness?
119
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:48,814
Good mustache question.
120
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,826
We have a new product
in our mustache catalog
121
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,428
that makes
a great stocking stuffer.
122
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,185
We call it the Must-Stash.
123
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,731
The slogan is, "You must stash
124
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:56,832
"your Must-Stash
in the mustache."
125
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,901
That'll be all for today.
126
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,085
- Good mustache.
- Good mustache.
127
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,736
All right,
dog, here we go.
Prepare to lose a bet,
128
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:15,774
'cause I'm about
to become the most
popular boy in school.
129
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,377
Excuse me, pardon me,
are you the cool children?
130
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:19,912
Yeah.
Who are you?
131
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,858
My name is Zac Sawyer.
132
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:26,518
I just transferred here from
Rich Expensive Car-Driving
Sex-Having High School.
133
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,787
Whoa! That sounds awesome.
134
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,856
No, it's lame.
Everything's lame.
135
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,925
Wow,
if he says one more
cool thing, he's in.
136
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:38,097
I wear long sleeve shirts
under short sleeve shirts
under long sleeve shirts.
137
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,442
Wow!
Oh, my God!
138
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,977
Oh, my God,
you're so cool!
You're so awesome!
139
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,035
You've checkmated
my teenage cynicism!
140
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,569
Excellent.
141
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,673
I'm a bigger hit with the kids
than Will Smith and his nice
clean rap.
142
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,607
♪ Whoo!
143
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:50,809
♪ Ha! Ha!
144
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:53,023
♪ I respect women
when I'm on a date
145
00:06:53,047 --> 00:06:55,480
♪ I take them to the park
or maybe a museum
146
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,616
♪ And I only try to kiss them
if they're ready
147
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:58,817
♪ Whoo-hoo!
148
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,685
♪ What, what, what, what
I say what, what
149
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,154
♪ Help out your mom and dad
by getting a job
150
00:07:03,224 --> 00:07:05,056
♪ So you can help
pay for school supplies
151
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,225
♪ Whoo-hoo!
152
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,226
♪ Say ho!
153
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,996
♪ Wipe your shoes on the mat
when you come in the house
154
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:12,798
♪ Someone just
cleaned that floor
155
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:13,866
♪ Whoo-hoo!
156
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:14,966
♪ Say what, what!
157
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,435
♪ Ha! Ha! ♪
158
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,485
Peter, don't you think
you're kind of letting
that mustache
159
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,807
consume your personality?
160
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:23,953
Shut up, Brian.
161
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,311
I am part of a very
special community now.
162
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,880
People with mustaches
look out for each other.
163
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,049
Hey. Oh, hey!
164
00:07:32,386 --> 00:07:33,651
Hey!
165
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,231
Hey. Jeffrey,
Peter Griffin
has a mustache!
166
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,421
No way!
167
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,689
Way!
Ohhh!
168
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:38,823
I know!
169
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:44,062
Oh, my God, Peter, look!
McBurgertown is on fire!
170
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:49,500
It's out of control!
We need someone to
man the other hose!
171
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,415
Hey, that guy
has a mustache!
Grab him!
172
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:55,807
We need your help!
Take this hose!
173
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,544
Uh... Okay, you just want me
to spray the water at the fire
174
00:07:58,612 --> 00:07:59,677
and try to put it out?
175
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:01,646
He knows everything
about what we do.
176
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:05,115
Of course he does.
Look at that giant
horse vagina.
177
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:07,786
Help!
178
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:08,920
Oh, my God!
179
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,223
There's somebody trapped inside!
180
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,004
Wait.
If I go in there,
I could get hurt.
181
00:08:14,028 --> 00:08:18,229
No.
No, with great mustache
comes great responsibility.
182
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,271
My mustache!
183
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,343
No!
184
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,446
God bless you, sir,
you saved my life.
185
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,214
But at what cost?
At what cost?
186
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,253
Peter, have you seen Brian?
187
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:45,123
No, Lois, I have not.
188
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,992
Well, I haven't seen him
since this morning, and I...
189
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,494
What is that on your head?
190
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,862
It's a mustache, Lois!
191
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,808
What, you never
seen a mustache before?
192
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,810
Lois,
would you mind calling
the police or something?
193
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,200
Quiet, mustache!
194
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,070
Oh, my God!
Peter, I know you're
upset about losing that thing,
195
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,806
but get a grip on yourself.
Let Brian down.
196
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,809
No. I'm not
living my life
without a mustache.
197
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,478
Even if sometimes
my mustache has Alpo gas.
198
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,647
Mustache fart.
199
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,796
Hello,
I'm looking
for Peter Griffin.
200
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:14,852
I'm Peter Griffin.
201
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,765
Mr. Griffin,
my name is Todd Meyers.
202
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,968
I'm the man you rescued
from McBurgertown.
203
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,959
Oh, yeah, you're the guy
who cost me my mustache.
204
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,906
What, did you
come over here
to rape my daughter?
205
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:27,198
No, I own the restaurant.
And to show my gratitude,
206
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:31,603
I'd like to offer
you a lifetime supply
of McBurgertown burgers.
207
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,804
Free burgers?
208
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:37,542
Oh, man, this is
a way better offer than
the one I got from Helen Hunt.
209
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,343
You wanna have sex?
210
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,079
No.
211
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,148
No, no, no, no, no.
212
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,818
No. No.
213
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,669
Peter, you should
really slow down.
214
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,333
You've already had,
like, 30 hamburgers.
215
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:58,162
Shut up, Brian.
It relieves the pain
of mustachelessness.
216
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:01,177
And it's working.
I no longer feel
the pain.
217
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,446
Come to think of it,
I can't really feel
anything
218
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,914
on the left half of my body.
219
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,472
Really?
That doesn't sound good.
220
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:09,574
Peter, are you winking at me?
221
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,078
Oh, my God,
someone call
an ambulance!
222
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:20,051
Doctor,
what happened?
Is he gonna be okay?
223
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,698
Mrs. Griffin,
your husband
has had a stroke.
224
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,589
The left half of his body
is completely paralyzed.
225
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,091
Oh, my God!
226
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,972
Peter, sweetheart,
how do you feel?
227
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,028
Uh...
228
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:33,297
Had better days, Lois.
Had better days.
229
00:10:38,272 --> 00:10:42,107
Mom, it's been three months.
When is Dad gonna get better?
230
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,309
Chris, I've already
explained this to you.
231
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,578
Your father had a stroke,
and it may take him
a long time to recover.
232
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,849
Lois! Bring me
another beer, please!
233
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,855
Uh...
234
00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:00,725
Lois. You mind telling me
what the hell you think
you're doing?
235
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,259
I'm handing you a beer.
236
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,029
You are handing it
to my stroke arm.
237
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:08,132
This is my good arm.
Bring the beer over here!
238
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,268
That's better!
239
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,742
So, I'm shaving last night
at this make-out party.
240
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,712
I took a bunch of pictures.
You can see them on my
MySpace page,
241
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,792
along with
my favorite
songs and movies,
242
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,460
and things that
other people have created,
243
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,796
but that I
use to express
my individualism.
244
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,653
I have a MySpace page, too.
245
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,499
Yeah, I have mine ironically.
246
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,834
Hey,
why don't you
guys get lost?
247
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,098
I have to talk to Connie.
248
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,139
Hey, guess what?
What?
249
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,708
That's what.
No, but seriously,
250
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,142
there's something
I want to talk to
you about.
251
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,300
Sure, Zac.
Anything for you.
252
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,347
You wanna go out to
Anal Point this weekend,
253
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,715
see what all the buzz is about?
254
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:48,873
OMG, that'd be so awesome!
255
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,688
Sweet.
We're gonna have
a real raging time.
256
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:55,072
Before you know it,
we'll be like an old
married couple.
257
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,751
- Uh, Lois?
- Yeah?
258
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,208
Uh, Peter's getting in the car.
259
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:36,353
♪ Uh oh, overflow, population
common group, but it'll do
260
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,833
♪ Save yourself,
serve yourself
261
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,902
♪ World serves its own needs
Listen to your heart bleed
262
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,571
♪ Tell me with the rapture
and the reverent in the
right, right
263
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,607
♪ You vitriolic,
patriotic, slam, fight
264
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,831
♪ Bright light,
feeling pretty psyched
265
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:50,668
♪ It's the end of
the world as we know it ♪
266
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,377
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
267
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,045
Stop mocking me!
268
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,830
Well, Brian,
you've lost your bet.
269
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:10,699
I, or rather,
my alter ego,
Zac Sawyer,
270
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,769
am currently
the most popular boy
at James Woods High.
271
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,060
Well, Stewie,
you got the best
of me on this one.
272
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,227
Congratulations.
273
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,163
I guess you'll be
hanging up your wig now.
274
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,766
Oh, no, Brian.
I'm enjoying myself too much.
275
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,569
Do you know that I've got
a date with Connie D'Amico
276
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,549
this Saturday
night at Anal Point?
277
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,272
Ah! I've heard
about that place.
278
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,519
Really?
What's it like?
'Cause I have no idea.
279
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:35,613
Well, I suppose
if you imagine it like a
parking space that you think,
280
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:38,315
"Gosh, there's no way
I'm gonna be able to
fit in there,"
281
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,150
but then you fold in
the side-view mirrors
282
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,886
and sure enough,
"Well, look at that."
283
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,488
Well, in that scenario,
284
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,501
it sounds like I'd rather
be the parking space than
the car.
285
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,085
Yeah, that's what
I've always guessed.
286
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,731
I hate being all strokey.
287
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,567
This is all your fault,
McBurgertown.
288
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,003
You and your
delicious hamburgers.
289
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,617
I swear,
I'll get back
at you someday
290
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,742
for what you did to me
and what you did to Wimpy!
291
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:10,214
I would gladly
pay you Tuesday
for a hamburger today.
292
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:14,718
If only there was some way
I could be like everybody
else again.
293
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,203
How long was I in there?
About five minutes.
294
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,672
Why are we not funding this?
295
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:41,045
Sweetheart, that's incredible!
And it only took five minutes?
296
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,092
Five minutes.
I went in there,
they injected me
297
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,717
with a little bit of
that fetal crap, and bam!
Good old gambling man Peter.
298
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,364
And now I can
take my revenge
on McBurgertown!
299
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,466
Wait. What?
300
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,190
It's their fault I
had a stroke, Brian.
301
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,569
And I'm gonna sue them for it.
302
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,272
Peter, you
ate 30 hamburgers.
It was your own fault.
303
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,963
Yeah, besides,
Peter, those companies
have huge legal divisions.
304
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,266
You can't fight that.
305
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,600
I'll find a way,
306
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:05,937
with the help of my
snarky cat lawyer,
Meowsy McDermott.
307
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,683
You've gotta be kitten me!
308
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,073
Ha!
309
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:19,050
This court finds in
favor of the defendant,
McBurgertown Industries.
310
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,430
What?
Hey, come on,
that's not fair!
311
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,388
Mr. Griffin,
what did you expect?
312
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,991
They have 100 lawyers,
and you tried to bribe
me with
313
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:30,828
a subscription
to Grape Soda Today,
which I already have!
314
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:31,897
Case dismissed.
315
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,834
What did I tell you, Peter?
316
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:39,737
One man can't
take on a multinational
fast food conglomerate.
317
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:42,306
Oh, yes, I can.
This ain't over, Brian.
318
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,020
Those people are bad,
and I'm gonna
prove it to the world.
319
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,278
How do you expect to do that?
Are you kidding?
320
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,191
I've tackled
tougher jobs before.
321
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:52,483
Remember that time I
was Robin Williams'
jumping-off point?
322
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,084
Okay, religion.
323
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:57,555
Religion! You kill me,
I kill you, we both
go to Heaven!
324
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,056
Seventy-two virgins!
325
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,603
You might
have to help me out
with the last 10 or so.
326
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,260
Because Mr. Happy gets tired.
Religion!
327
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,663
Uh... Politics.
328
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,900
Politics! "Well,
we're gonna come down
there and take all your oil."
329
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,200
"But this is our oil."
330
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,603
"Yeeha!
Well, here's my missile."
331
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,039
"Okay, take it!
Take it!" Politics!
332
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,275
You know what,
I'm gonna take
a five-minute break.
333
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,955
Five-minute break!
What are you,
a construction worker?
334
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:22,146
"Hey, baby, I'm not gay!"
"Does this yellow
hat make my ass look fat?"
335
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,415
Five-minute break!
336
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,284
Ow! Ow! Ow!
337
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:33,925
You enjoy the movie, baby?
338
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,162
Yeah. But I think I'm
gonna enjoy this even more.
339
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,164
No thanks, I am stuffed.
340
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,978
So are we just
gonna sit here and talk,
or are we gonna do it?
341
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,079
All right, baby,
those are the magic words.
342
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,135
Check out my penis!
343
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,606
Yeah. I am ready for sex!
344
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:53,845
I drank eight
gallons of water today.
This baby's ready to explode!
345
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:57,080
Is there more underneath,
or is that it?
346
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,149
I'm sorry?
347
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:02,920
Zac, just get the hell
out of my car!
348
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,726
That's it?
That was sex?
349
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,473
What a rip-off.
I should sue her.
350
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,964
Be careful you're not
held in contempt of cat!
351
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,033
Ha!
352
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,938
Pardon me, we're
two Asian businessmen
353
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,074
looking to invest in
McBurgertown Industries,
354
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,820
and we'd
like a tour
of your facility.
355
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,411
You don't look Asian.
356
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,648
Well,
I guess we'll just take our
millions of dongs elsewhere.
357
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,151
Wait, wait.
Let me get our
general manager.
358
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,331
Peter,
what the hell do you
expect to accomplish here?
359
00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:37,888
Evidence, Brian.
360
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,402
I'm gonna find
just the right piece
of incriminating evidence
361
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:42,793
to bring down this company.
362
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:47,498
Over here is a menu from
our first McBurgertown
restaurant in 1952.
363
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,744
At that time,
our value meal
consisted of
364
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:52,414
a hamburger,
a cup of coffee
and a Lucky Strike.
365
00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:54,283
Wow.
How much did
all that cost?
366
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,518
Back in the '50s?
One straw penny.
367
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,109
A whole straw penny?
Indeed. Follow me.
368
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,681
Ng a new mascot,
369
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,195
Meaty, the Quick to Anger Clown.
370
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:09,187
Hey, kids! Who likes
McBurgertown burgers?
371
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,689
I do!
There was more
to my question!
372
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,339
We're still
ironing that one out.
373
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,428
Hey, what's in there?
374
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,308
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's off-limits.
375
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,943
Now,
if you'll excuse
me for a second,
376
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,212
I have to go
to the bathroom
for about 30 minutes,
377
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,735
as I eat a lot of meat.
378
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,149
Please give me your word
that you won't go in
that door.
379
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:30,053
Okay.
Good. See you
in a half hour.
380
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:33,377
Brian, I gave him my word.
381
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,645
The hell with that.
Let's see what's
behind this door.
382
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,784
My, God, what is this?
383
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,353
This must be the
McBurgertown slaughterhouse.
384
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,622
Sir, you are correct.
385
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,669
But in here, we call it DaCow.
386
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,292
DaCow?
DaCow,
387
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,029
except we spell
the cow part c-o-w.
388
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:56,533
Like "cow."
So it's kind of...
It's sort of a dark joke.
389
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,179
Yeah, yeah,
it's a Holocaust joke.
390
00:18:58,203 --> 00:18:59,770
That's really funny.
391
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:03,474
Unfortunately, life in
a slaughterhouse is
no laughing matter.
392
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:08,679
They have killed
a great many of us,
including my beloved wife.
393
00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:11,659
Peter, this is it!
This is the evidence
you've been looking for!
394
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:13,661
If we can get
you out of here,
would you be willing
395
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:16,153
to testify publicly
about these atrocities?
396
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:17,366
Absolutely.
397
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,234
But how do you intend to escape?
398
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:21,625
You leave that to us.
Come on.
399
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,165
Hey! There they are!
After them!
400
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:55,893
♪ Another
Pleasant Valley Sunday
401
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:59,696
♪ Charcoal burning everywhere
402
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:05,735
♪ Another
Pleasant Valley Sunday
403
00:20:06,671 --> 00:20:12,242
♪ Here in status-symbol land ♪
404
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,788
Hey, hey, what's up, Lucas?
405
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,267
What the hell's your problem?
406
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,859
Hey, Logan, what's going on?
407
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,371
What the hell is going on here?
408
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,162
Nothing, baby penis!
409
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,510
Well, yes, I have a baby...
410
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:36,967
Uh...
411
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,703
Well,
for your information,
I don't want a big penis.
412
00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:41,238
I think they're messy.
413
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:46,176
Well, you've effectively ended
my reign of coolness,
haven't you?
414
00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:47,622
You're a disgrace,
you know that?
415
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,979
Hey, you're the one
with the tiny penis.
416
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:52,060
You know, Connie, look.
417
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,317
You're right.
I behaved like a fool.
418
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:57,253
And I apologize,
but before I go,
419
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:59,389
could I maybe
have one last kiss?
420
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:01,658
Well, I guess so.
421
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,297
Look! This girl is
making out with a baby!
422
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,766
A nude baby!
423
00:21:11,369 --> 00:21:12,836
Hey!
424
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:14,716
That's right.
To hell with you all.
425
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,473
I am who I am.
426
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:20,544
♪ Here comes
the story of the hurricane
427
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:24,281
♪ The man
the authorities came to blame
428
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:27,384
♪ For somethin'
that he never done ♪
429
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:31,854
Quiet, everybody, this is it.
430
00:21:31,923 --> 00:21:35,225
The McBurgertown franchise
suffered a publicity
setback today
431
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:37,694
from which it
may not recover,
thanks to testimony
432
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:41,030
regarding its practices
by a very brave cow.
433
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:44,901
I have revealedto you today thesehorrors in the hope
434
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,081
that you will see
the need for change,
435
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:48,638
but always remember,
436
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:52,242
what I have done here today
is not a courageous act.
437
00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:55,245
The courage lies with a man
who has the guts
438
00:21:55,313 --> 00:22:00,149
to say no toa fast food restaurantand eat a salad instead.
439
00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:03,152
To say, "I will eat
this salad with pride.
440
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:06,122
"I don't care if I
look like a gay person."
441
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:08,958
So to all of you
salad-eating homosexuals,
442
00:22:09,027 --> 00:22:11,261
I say thank you.
443
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:16,700
And thank you, Peter,
for all you've done to help
expose this grave injustice.
444
00:22:16,769 --> 00:22:18,802
Where will you
go now, Mr. Cow?
445
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:22,072
I cannot stay here?
Peter said I could
stay here.
446
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:27,744
Oh, gosh,
yeah, I don't really see
how that's gonna work out.
447
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:29,112
Oh.
448
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:32,516
Well,
as I said, Peter
just promised that I...
449
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:33,895
Yeah, I should stop you there.
450
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,464
I didn't really
promise anything.
451
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,888
I just said, "Maybe,
if it was okay with Lois."
452
00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:41,224
Boy, it seems like
a real burden to me.
453
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:44,160
Well, this is pretty awkward.
36069
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