All language subtitles for Family Guy S06E07 Peters Daughter.DVD.NonHi.cc.en.20FOX

♪ It seems today
that all you see

♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV

♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values

♪ On which we used to rely?

♪ Lucky there's a family guy

♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do

♪ All the things
that make us

♪ Laugh and cry

♪ He's a family guy ♪

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker
with a Channel Five News
Special Report.

And I'm Diane Simmons.
A flash flood warning
is in effect

as rain continues to
pound Rhode Island.

Let's go to
Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa

who's gonna tell us
all about the rain.

Ts
all over Quahog have been
affected by the heavy rains,

although some are doing
their best to ride it out.

For example, I'm here with
Rides-a-Ten-Speed-Everywhere
Guy.

Sir, why are you riding
your ten-speed in the rain?

I don't mind.
A little drizzle
never hurt anybody.

I like riding the ten-speed
because it's fun,
gives me energy,

and it's a great
way to stay in shape.

How long have you
lived in Quahog?

Well, I used to
live in the city, but
I decided moving here

would be
a little more relaxing,
a little more manageable,

and it's a great
way to stay in shape.

What do you do for a living?

I work in
accounts receivable
at Quahog Insurance.

It's not
too demanding,
the pay is good,

and it's a great
way to stay in shape.

Well, we should wrap this up.

You're getting wet.

Well, I'm living life before
the cancer I have kills me,
so I don't mind the rain.

Water feels
good on my skin.
It's cool, refreshing,

and it's a great
way to stay in shape.

What kind of cancer?

It's rectal cancer.
It's slowly eating
away at my lower insides.

It's a quick process,
both painful and
untreatable,

and it's a great
way to stay in shape.

Residents
have even been evacuated

to Quahog Stadium
for their own protection.

Why do I have to stay here?

We just think you'll be safer.

But my house is dry.
Here's a blanket.

If you're looking
for a bathroom,
it's all around you.

Oh! Crap, Peter,
it's a flash flood!

Oh, man, I better
save my autographed
picture of Dean Cain.

You know, from before he got
all desperate for attention.

Hey,
is that Dean Cain
on that park bench?

Oh, God.

Lois,
you may wanna
come down here!

Oh, my God!

I know, about the water, right?

Wow, cool.

Hey, Chris, come here.
What? Why?

Just come here.
What is it, Dad?

Does it feel like the water
suddenly just got warmer?

No.
Oh, that's right.

It's pee that makes it warmer.

Peter, the water's rising fast!

We gotta get outta here!

Hang on, Lois.
There's a case of
beer in the fridge.

I can't leave that behind.

Meg, you're a good swimmer.
Go get it.

What? But Dad...

And for God's sake,
do not be afraid to

make me a sandwich
while you're in there.

Peter, Meg's been
in there a long time.

Boy, you cannot
wait to criticize her
at every turn, can you?

Go get her!

Well, Lois, I am sorry
for snapping at you earlier.

You were right to criticize Meg.

She could not even handle
this simple task.

She's in there right now,
taking a nap underwater.

For God's sake, save her!

My God, we better
get her to a hospital.
She doesn't look too good.

Yeah, she looks worse than
Andy Garcia when he had
his conjoined twin.

I had
a great time
with you tonight.

You're really amazing.

Thanks, Andy.
I had a great time, too.

Hey. How about some love
for shoulder guy over here?

Shoulder guy
wants to get in on this.

Just ignore him.

Okay.

So, do you maybe want
to go in the other room?

Sure. Sounds good.

And shoulder guy's
going with you.

Rick, shut up!

Hey, bitch,
wanna suck on my tooth?

Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
I'm afraid your
coma's in a daughter.

I mean your
daughter's in a coma.

Oh, my God, did you...
Did you hear what I said?

Brain freeze!

Oh, my God.
That one is going in
the Christmas letter.

Oh, my God, Peter.

What if
she doesn't
come out of it?

I know, Lois.

I never realized until now
how much I've taken her
for granted.

I mean, she's my only daughter,

and I feel like
I've never treated her
as well as I should have.

Hey, Meg, you got
something on your shirt.

Hi, Dad.

Don't be too hard
on yourself, Peter.

We all do things
that we're not proud of.

Well, I am gonna change.

You hear me, Meg?

If you come out of this,
I am gonna treat you
like a princess

for the rest of your life.

'Cause I've been a worse
father than Abraham.

You wanna tell me
what the fuck that was?

Excuse me,
I'm Dr. Milano.

I'm the intern for this floor.

You know, you guys
can probably go on home.

We'll let you know
if there's any change in
your daughter's condition.

Wow, you're a real doctor?
Hey, does Scrubs work here?

I love that guy.

I wanna meet Scrubs,
and I wanna meet
black Scrubs, too.

Well, hello, sleepyhead.
I'm Michael.

Hi, Michael. I'm Meg.

Meg!
Oh, my God,
Meg, you're okay!

Oh, Meg, my beautiful daughter!

Things are gonna be different.

No more will I treat you
like some kind of alien.

Three minutes to
minimum safe distance.

Stop.
Not so fast, y'all.

You think you can just up
and run away, you crazy.

I like
to eat people
from other planets.

Especially y'all.

I likes
to eat you with
my little mouth, too.

Now, y'all get back up
inside me, little mouth.

I wants to play, too.

Get back inside!

I'll get you
when we's eating them.

So, what is it you
wanted to show me?
That, Brian.

What?
It's a rundown old house.

Well, yes, I suppose,
to the untrained eye,

that's what
it would look like.
Walk inside with me, Brian.

This is disgusting.
It smells,
it's falling apart,

and you
can hear the mice
humping in the wall.

That was so awesome!

That's why we can get
it for a steal, Brian.

We fix it up and
sell it for a huge profit.

You're crazy.
No, I'm not gonna
buy this house with you.

Fine. I'll just give the
profits to another investor.

Plenty of others interested.

Oh, yeah? Like who?
Mort Goldman for one.

Says it's a smart investment.
But what does he know?
He's only Jewish.

All right, I'm in.
Perfect!

By Christmas,
you and I are gonna be
richer than Bob Saget.

So you wanna grab
something to eat?
Sure.

You ever ride in a limo?
No.

Well,
how about Full House
buys you a ride in a limo,

and America's
Funniest Home Videos
buys you a shrimp cocktail?

Get lost.

If I give you $5,000,
will you tell me I matter?

Oh, there's my little angel!

Here, let me get
that for you, sweetie!

Thanks, Dad.

Wow, Peter, I gotta say,

you've really
been true to your word
about treating Meg better.

She's my
only daughter, Lois.
She needs to be protected,

like a rare gemstone or
the herniated scrotum
of an older gentleman.

Well, I think
you've been wonderful.

Like when you took
her to that new movie,

I'm Rich, and You're Poor,
but Let's Dance Together.

I'm rich,
and you're poor,
but let's dance together.

Society won't like it.

I don't care.

Good for you.
Good for you.

Yeah, and I can't
believe how you stood up
to Connie D'Amico for me.

Hey, Meg.
Hi, Connie.

I can't fit all
my books in my locker.

Can I put
the rest of them
on your ginormous ass?

Hey, Connie, hi.
Peter Griffin,
Meg's father.

Say, can you do me a favor?

You see that fire
extinguisher there?

Dad, that's enough!
Dad, that's enough!

That's enough, Dad!

I just want you to know, Meg,
if there's anything you ever
want,

all you gotta do is ask.

Really?
Well, there kind
of is one thing.

There he is now!

Hey, Meg.
You ready to go?

Dad, you remember Michael
Milano from the hospital.
He's my date.

Oh.

Say, Michael,
can you do me a favor?

You see that fire
extinguisher there?

Stay away
from my daughter,
you possible rapist!

Dad, stop it!
Michael's my date!

Meg, I almost lost you once,
I'm not gonna lose you again!

This guy may look
harmless on the outside,

but on the inside he could
be a complete bastard,

like Fred Flintstone.

So,
why exactly do you
want this separation?

Well, Mr. Stoneberg,
in a nutshell,
the cat put me outside.

I was banging on the door
for like 20 minutes,
shouting, "Wilma."

I didn't hear you.

There's no way
you didn't hear me.

I was in the shower.

Oh, she was in the shower.

The elephant's trunk
was on full blast.

I couldn't hear you,
and besides,

you're always yelling
about something.

How the hell
am I supposed to know
when to pay attention?

But when
I wanna get my rocks off,
you're nowhere to be found,

you passive-aggressive bitch.

Meg, can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?

Dad, what the hell?

Lois, did you know
that Meg had a date?

Yes. With that nice
boy from the hospital.
What's the matter?

We don't know him.
Maybe he's not even a boy.

Maybe he's two dwarves
in an overcoat,

wanting to see what sex
is like with a big person.
Huh?

Is that what you want?

Two crafty dwarves in your
house, after your daughter?

Wait.
Do dwarves
grant wishes?

No, Peter,
they're people,
like you and me.

Well,
goodbye phone
in the bathroom,

but I still
don't like Meg
dating that boy!

Guys that age,
all they care about

is putting their
thing in everything.

I'm not gonna let
Meg turn out like my Nerf
football in the hall closet.

Dad, didn't you
say you'd give me
whatever I wanted?

Well, I wanna
go out with Michael.

Peter,
you're being
overprotective.

Look,
why don't you
just talk to him?

You might find out
he's not so bad.

All right, Lois, but
I know what my gut tells me,

and right now
it's telling me I have...

But I'll suck it up
and talk to Michael.

Even though I've also got...

re here
to take out my daughter.
What are your intentions?

I just think Meg is really cool,

and I want to get
to know her better.

You know, Michael,
my daughter's womb
is not a wildfire

for you to douse with
your adolescent seed.

Neither is her
lower back or her hair.

I understand.
Do you, Michael?
Do you? We'll see.

Let me ask you a question.

You ever sit on your
arm till it falls asleep
and then play with yourself

and pretend like somebody
else is doing it?

Honestly, yes.

Not anymore you don't,

'cause you're going
out with my daughter.

Morning, Brian.
Here, put this on.

How long have you been here?

7:00 a.m. All right,
here's your hammer,

here's your walkie,
and here's your stud-finder.

Oh, well, it's working.
All right, joke time
is over.

Work time has begun.

You get started
with this drywall,

and I'm gonna
start pulling out those old
floorboards in the kitchen.

Hey, Brian.
Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Two friends
building a house together.

Hey, Meg, I got
you something for our
three-week anniversary.

Wow, a Maroon 5 CD.

Yeah,
I remember how you told
me you liked terrible music,

so I thought you
might appreciate it.

You're so thoughtful!

What the hell?
What's wrong?

Uh...
Meg, I'm not sure,

but I think
your dad is sitting
at that table over there.

What? Where?

Well, I can't tell if it's him.

I think he's wearing
some kind of disguise.

Oh, my God, Dad!

What do you think you're doing?

Peter? Who Peter?

I didn't say "Peter."
I said "Dad."

Ohhh!

Have you been spying on us
the entire time we've been
dating?

Meg, it's only
because I wanna make sure
this guy treats you right

and doesn't try anything funny.

Meg, this is more
than I can deal with.

If your father is this
opposed to our relationship,

I don't see how it can work out.

But, Michael...
I'm sorry, Meg.

I promise I won't forget you.

See, look, Meg.
He just walked
out on you.

He's a bad man,
like Jodie Foster.

Oh, no, Jodie.
It's my husband.
He's home from work early.

Don't worry, baby.
He had to find out sometime.

All right, Brian,
I'm gonna go up
to the upper level

and run this wire
down through the wall.

Grab your walkie.
I'll call you
when I get up there.

Okay.

Brian, pick up. Over.
What?

Brian, please say "over"
when you finish talking.
Over.

What? Over.

Do you see the wire yet?
Over.

No.

No what? Over.

No. Over.

Okay, I'm gonna start
feeding it through. Over.

Wait,
if you haven't
started feeding it,

why'd you ask me
if I could see it?

Didn't copy that. Over.

I said,
why'd you ask me
if I could see it

if you haven't
started feeding it?

Over.
Oh, that's better.

I can hear you now. Over.
Do you see it yet? Over.

You know, you're a jackass.

For the record, I don't
wanna hang out with you
anymore when this is over.

When this is what, Brian?
Over.

I said, I don't
wanna hang out with you
anymore when this is over.

When this is what?
You gotta finish
your sentence. Over.

That's it.
My sentence is over.

Your sentence is what, Brian?
Over.

My sentence is...
Wait a minute.

I have to say "over,"
even if the sentence
ends with the word "over"?

Ends with the word what,
Brian? Over.

Oh, I see the wire.
You see the wire what? Over.

Over.

Tonight's
movie presentation is
brought to you by Sanka.

♪ Don't you
wanna, wanna Sanka

♪ Don't you
wanna, wanna Sanka

♪ Don't you
wanna, wanna Sanka ♪

It doesn't
keep me up at night,
but it helps me poo.

Meg, sweetie,
it's been like two weeks.

Don't you think it's time
to forget about that boy?

Yeah, Meg,
he was a bum anyway.
You'll find another fella.

I could set you up
with one of my friends.

Oh, wait,
I don't have any friends.
I could set you up with Dad.

Dad, would you be
interested in dating Meg?

I certainly would.

There, Meg, everything's fine.

It's not Michael
I'm upset about!

Well, what is it, then?

I'm pregnant!

Dad, I swear to God,

I didn't know that
when I set you up
with her.

Oh, I can't believe this.

My baby's pregnant.
How could this happen?

I don't know,
but regardless of how
it happened, it happened.

You're pregnant, Meg,
and there's only one
thing to do.

Meg, can you turn over?
I gotta get that thing
out of there.

You're sitting on my shirt.
I gotta put it on this hanger.

Now, I'm going
to Michael's house to
force him to marry you.

Dad, please don't do this!
You can't make him marry me!

I just wanna talk to him.

Why do you have a shotgun?

I just wanna talk to him.

Dad, this is ridiculous!
I just wanna talk to him.

Put that gun away!
I just wanna talk to him.

Wait, what are you doing?
It is not his fault.
It was an accident!

I just wanna shoot him.

You can't shoot him!
I just wanna talk to him.

Wait, what are you doing?

You got my Meg pregnant.

What?

Oh, my God, Meg,
why didn't you tell me?

I didn't think
you wanted to see me.

But this changes everything.

I wanna be there for you, Meg.
I love you.

Will you marry me?

Yes! Of course!

Now, see,
that's an even
more beautiful sight

than 72 virgins
waiting in heaven
for a suicide bomber.

Here I am!

We're playing
Magic: The Gathering.

Wanna join?

Osama!

Um... You know
something, Brian?

Yeah?

I'm starting to think maybe
we bit off a little more
than we could chew.

Yeah.

Well, we're in it, and
we're gonna finish the job.

Should
we get started
on the upper level?

No.

What the hell are we gonna do?
We've sunk all of our money
into this place.

I've got an idea.
I'll be right back.

So, listen,
we're gonna want
to be leaving now.

Why?
Because I just emptied

a full tank of
gasoline and lit a match.
We've got about five seconds.

Didn't we have
an electrician
in there today?

He left.
Pretty sure he left.

Isn't that his truck?

Well, by God,
Brian, we're murderers.

I guess this means
you'll be going to
doggie hell.

Hey, what do you
guys think of this one?

Meg, are you sure
you wanna go
through with this?

You know,
there are other options.

Mom, I'm not
getting an abortion!

Well, I'm not saying
an abortion per se,

but maybe you just
drink and smoke a lot.

What?

Just don't start doing it
and then chicken out
halfway through the pregnancy,

because then you
wind up with Chris.

Well, Lois, I got the cake.

Oh, and they were all out of
the bride and groom figurines,

so I got the Iron Giant

and a courtroom doll that kids
use to show where the molester
touched them.

All right,
Meg, enjoy your
bachelorette party.

I am outta here,
'cause I don't need to see

what you crazy girls are
gonna do while I'm gone,

but just remember
this is a residence

and should be treated as such.

And if you girls drink anything,

there's recycling under
the sink in the kitchen.

Okay, have fun.

So, what are we supposed to do?

Yeah,
this doesn't seem
like much of a party.

Hey, what's with all the noise?

Got some complaints
from next door.

I might have to take
you girls downtown.

Which one of you
is the lucky bride?

What's your name, sweetie?

Dad, you know my name.

It's Officer Nasty.
Careful, I might be
carrying a concealed weapon.

Hello.
Hi. Name, please?

Neil Goldman.
Goldman, Goldman.

Sorry, no Neil Goldman.

Oh, I beg your pardon,
I meant to say Chris Griffin.

Griffin, Griffin.
Here it is.

Says you're supposed
to be an usher.

Well, you'll need this.
Name, please?

Chris Griffin.
Griffin, Griffin.

I'm sorry, sir.
Chris Griffin has
already checked in.

Well, that's impossible!

Meg, are you ready?

Sweetie, what's wrong?

Mom, I can't do it.
I can't get married.

What? Well, why not?

Because I'm not pregnant.

What do you mean?
How do you know?

I got my period.

Oh.

I must've read the test wrong.

What am I gonna do?

Michael's out there
waiting for me.

Well, Meg,
the best thing you
can do is be honest.

Just tell Michael the truth.

If he cares about you,
he'll understand.

I'll try.
Thanks, Mom. I love you.

I... You, too, honey.

God, look at
Meg's fat shoulders in
those spaghetti straps.

It's like bread
baking around twine.

Meg, you look beautiful.

Thank you, Michael.

I have never been
more in love with someone
than I am with you right now.

Oh, Michael, I love you, too.

And I have some wonderful news.

I'm not pregnant.

What?

Dad,
I'm sorry about
this whole mess.

You know what, Meg?
It's all my fault.

I never
should have dragged
you into this anyway.

I guess sometimes
a father just gets

a little
overprotective
of his daughter,

but you gotta know
I was only thinking
about your happiness.

I know, Dad,
and I appreciate it.

The problem now
is that these people
are expecting a show.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Conway Twitty.

♪ Hello, darling

♪ Nice to see you

♪ It's been a long time

♪ You're just as
lovely as you used to be

♪ How's your new love?

♪ Are you happy?

♪ Hope you're doing fine

♪ Just to know
it means so much to me ♪