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1
00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:08,318
Good evening,
I'm Tom Tucker,
with Channel Five News.
2
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,020
We now go live
to Ollie Williams
recapping the events
3
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,964
of the last
episode of Family Guy.
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,091
What happened
last time, Ollie?
Stewie killed Lois!
5
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,326
Then what?
Peter got blamed!
6
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,460
Then what?
Peter went to court!
7
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:18,594
Then what?
Lois came back!
8
00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:19,762
How?
Wasn't really dead!
9
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:22,320
Thanks, Ollie.
And now Part Two.
10
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:25,791
♪ It seems today
that all you see
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,128
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
12
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,797
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,867
♪ On which we used to rely?
14
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:39,070
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
15
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:42,507
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
16
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,121
♪ All the things
that make us
17
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,810
♪ Laugh and cry
18
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:50,682
♪ He's a family guy ♪
19
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,622
Oh, Lois, sweetheart,
I'm so glad you're alive!
20
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,558
You gotta tell me everything
that happened.
21
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,371
I mean, not tonight,
'cause I got plans
with the guys,
22
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,072
but tomorrow night
I wanna hear all about it.
23
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,930
Peter, didn't you hear
what I said?
24
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:06,765
Stewie tried to kill me!
25
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,633
Mom, Stewie's just a baby.
26
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,103
No, he's not, Meg!
He's evil.
27
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,971
He shot me point-blank
right on the deck
of the cruise ship.
28
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:38,196
I would have been deadif it hadn't beenfor a passing merman
29
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,934
who treated my wounds
and carried me to safety.
30
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:44,036
It sounds romantic, I know,
31
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,139
but unfortunately he waskind of a reverse of whatyou'd expect a merman to be.
32
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,153
I wish to make love to you.
33
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:53,745
Oh, no, thank you.
34
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,092
What are you talking about?
I thought this was
a woman's fantasy.
35
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,350
Yeah, but this is
sort of the opposite.
36
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:02,521
Like, if you had
a man's body and fish legs,
then it'd be different.
37
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,568
Yeah, but then I
wouldn't have a penis.
Well, but...
38
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:07,236
See, there you go.
I just poked a huge
hole in your logic.
39
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:10,195
I'm sorry, I'm...
I'm just gonna
have to say no.
40
00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:12,109
Maybe I feel like
you owe me a little.
41
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,631
Ah! Damn it!
42
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,604
Unfortunately,I was sufferingfrom total amnesia
43
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,839
and had no idea who I was.
44
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:25,543
After wandering aroundfor a while, I discoveredI was in North Carolina,
45
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:28,780
where I managed to get a job
at a summer camp for fat kids.
46
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,852
It was my jobto keep the childrenfrom eating each other.
47
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,666
Hey! Hey!
No. No, no, no.
Spit him out!
48
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,357
Jeffrey! Spit him out now!
49
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:42,928
And Mike, you spit out Timmy!
50
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,031
Over the next several months,
I developed a relationship
51
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:49,200
with a seemingly nice,young townie,named Derek.
52
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:56,107
Eventually, he gotcomfortable enough with me tointroduce me to his friends.
53
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:01,813
That's how I found out
he was a white supremacist.
54
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:05,517
Okay, first order
of business, I'd like to
thank Paul and Tracy,
55
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:08,620
who have agreed
to bring cookies for
next week's punch social.
56
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:12,089
Uh, just remember, you two,
Fred is allergic to peanuts.
57
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:14,158
Peanuts and Jews.
58
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,529
No, but Jews are bad.
59
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:20,565
You know,
it's remarks like that
that started the Holocaust,
60
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,079
and I know
none of us want
that to happen again.
61
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:29,308
And after that blow tothe head, it all startedcoming back to me.
62
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,276
So I rushed back to Quahog,
and here I am.
63
00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:36,114
So what you're saying is
we've got a homicidal
baby on our hands.
64
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,417
Mom! Dad!
Stewie's gone!
65
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,857
N't worry,
Lois, we'll catch him.
Hobey, radio for backup.
66
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,491
Uh...
67
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,961
- Hello?
- This is dispatch, go ahead.
68
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,295
Uh...
69
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:54,800
We need more cars
70
00:03:54,869 --> 00:03:59,604
'cause we're trying to find...
71
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,913
All right,
we'll do it on the way!
We'll do it on the way!
72
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:07,545
Sorry to bother you,
but we have a fugitive
baby on our hands.
73
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,114
Have you seen this child?
74
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:12,584
No, I haven't, Officer,
but I sure will
keep my eyes open.
75
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,853
What is it?
76
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,721
That killer baby from
the trial's gone missing.
77
00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,223
Oh, no!
78
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:19,658
I know!
79
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:23,929
Uh-oh.
80
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,966
The police.
Looks like I got
some explaining to do.
81
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,769
No, but how could I
help you, Officer?
82
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,171
We're looking for this baby.
Have you seen him?
83
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:37,609
I'm looking for
Kareem under the hoop.
Have you seen him?
84
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,778
No, but I'll let you
know if I see anything.
85
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,885
Mr. Superman no here.
86
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,499
Well, we're
looking for a missing...
87
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:53,591
No, Mr. Superman,
he no is here.
88
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:57,095
Yeah, okay.
Well, can you just
give him this flier?
89
00:04:57,164 --> 00:05:01,132
I... No. No,
I have no money.
90
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,046
Just take this flier,
and if you see this baby...
91
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,802
No, no.
92
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,685
Boy, I sure hope they find him.
93
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:10,989
Otherwise, we're all gonna be...
94
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:15,881
So it's all out in
the open now, isn't it?
95
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:19,784
Stewie, how long
you been all messed up
and evil like this?
96
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,086
Oh, so now you're
interested in Stewie?
97
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,600
Last week,
when I made that
macaroni picture of an owl,
98
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:25,724
you didn't give a damn!
99
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:27,036
That was an owl?
Yes.
100
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,294
And now we're going
to look at it again.
101
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,998
Look, look!
Do you like it?
Yes!
102
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,644
What do you like
about it, specifically?
103
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,967
I don't know.
104
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,615
Pick something,
or I'll blow your
brains out!
105
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,506
I like how it looks like an owl.
106
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,141
Thank you for the compliment!
107
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,323
Hey,
everything okay in there?
I heard shouting.
108
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,755
Dog, answer it. Tell him,
"Yes, everything's fine."
109
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,701
Yes, Joe, everything's fine.
110
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,191
Oh, okay, good.
111
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,304
Make fun of his wheelchair.
112
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,672
What?
What?
113
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,007
Do it.
Say, "Ha-ha-ha,
you're in a wheelchair."
114
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,431
Ha-ha-ha,
you're in a wheelchair.
115
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,877
What's that supposed to mean?
116
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:10,946
Say, "I bet you
can't get a boner."
117
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,815
I bet you can't get a boner.
118
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,239
That's not very nice, Brian.
119
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,551
"Neither is
your mother's ass."
120
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,153
Neither is your mother's ass.
121
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,543
Well, I'll give you that one.
122
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,657
Now tell him you've always
thought he was handsome.
123
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,659
I've always thought
you were handsome.
124
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:27,085
Well, I got to tell you,
Brian, I'm relieved
to hear you say that.
125
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,398
Please call me
if you see any
sign of Stewie.
126
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,101
Tell him,
"Ha-ha-ha, just kidding
about the handsome thing."
127
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,202
Oh, come on.
Do it!
128
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,466
Come on,
that meant
a lot to him.
129
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,296
Ha-ha-ha, just kidding
about the handsome thing.
130
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:42,300
Well, that's disappointing.
I needed that boost today.
131
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,135
All right, I'll see you later.
132
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:50,708
All right, Lois, I'm hungry.
Take those breasts out.
133
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,910
Wait a minute.
You could've
drugged this.
134
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,358
Well, I'm no fool.
Brian, taste this.
What?
135
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,582
Go on, taste it!
You're the guinea pig.
136
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:58,983
Lois, he's got a gun.
137
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,152
Look, I'll do it myself.
How about that?
138
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,466
Uh, I don't know,
he kind of asked me.
139
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,134
I mean, I think we should
do what he says.
140
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,558
Well, yeah, but, Brian...
141
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,538
I'm totally willing
to do this for the family.
142
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:09,594
I'm not sure...
143
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,029
I'll do it.
144
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,631
Hey, Griffins, just checking in.
145
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,633
Oh, my God!
Holy crap!
146
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,938
Stewie, you killed him!
He's dead!
147
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,808
Oh, my God! Oh, my God,
what are we gonna do?
148
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,309
Oh, poor Cleveland.
149
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,046
It's all right,
Lois, he's in Heaven now.
150
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:31,816
I don't understand
why I need to give you
a credit card imprint.
151
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,451
It's kind of a new policy.
152
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:35,519
I didn't see you ask
the guy in front of me.
153
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:39,057
It's kind of brand new.
Do you have a credit card?
154
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,591
I got a Sears card.
155
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,127
Ah. They're doing
pretty well, huh?
156
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:46,998
One by my house
got a McDonald's
right in the store.
157
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:50,101
It won't be long
before the police notice
Cleveland's disappearance.
158
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,138
Black man gone missing,
my God, the media
will be all over that!
159
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:56,907
All right, if I see
any cops following me,
the dog gets it!
160
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,813
Get in. Come on,
drive, drive, drive!
161
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,219
Ooh. There's Joe. Say,
"Joe, I think you're cool."
162
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,920
Joe, I think you're cool.
163
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,589
Well, thank you, Brian.
164
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,303
That's gonna get me
through the rest of
this yard work.
165
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,438
"No, just kidding, you suck."
166
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,895
No, just kidding, you suck.
167
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,629
"Queer."
Queer.
168
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,999
Well, there goes my smile.
169
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,384
You know,
you're not gonna
get away with this.
170
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,942
Kidnapping me is one thing,
but you killed Cleveland!
171
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,210
You forget, I'm the one
holding the gun, Brian.
172
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,479
And you're gonna
do exactly as I say.
173
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,393
You mind if I ask
where we're going?
174
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,350
You'll know soon enough, Brian.
175
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,553
The world will know soon enough.
176
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:44,789
I'll be as big as
I should have been
when I was on American Idol.
177
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:50,428
♪ I don't mind not knowing
What I'm headed for
178
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:54,065
♪ You can take me
to the skies
179
00:08:55,435 --> 00:09:00,771
♪ It's like being
lost in heaven
180
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:06,677
♪ When I'm lost in your eyes ♪
181
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:09,914
Stewie, what the hell was that?
182
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,317
That was Lost In Your Eyes
by Debbie Gibson.
183
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,596
One of the worst
I've ever heard.
184
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,386
Okay.
185
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:19,757
Stewie, you shouldn't
actually even be alive,
you sniveling little creep.
186
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,895
I hate you so much,
I want to shoot you
in your face.
187
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,697
All right.
Honey, I like you,
188
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:28,766
but you're just not right
for this competition.
189
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,880
Yo, dawg, I gotta
tell you, for me, man,
190
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,404
that was not even
half good, dude.
191
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,940
You can't sing.
What are you doing, Stewie?
192
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,820
I don't even care.
They don't know what
they's talking about.
193
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,256
Next time they hear about me,
194
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,147
they's gonna be, like,
"We was wrong about Stewie."
195
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,949
'Cause I's gonna be huge.
196
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:48,186
I's gonna be bigger
than every one of all y'alls.
197
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,602
Hey. Hey, you know
what we should do, guys,
198
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,704
while we're here
tied up like this?
What?
199
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:58,829
We should come up with
a totally bogus rumor
about a celebrity.
200
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,176
And then when we
get out of here,
201
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,710
we'll spread it
around as much as we can.
202
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,067
That sounds like fun!
203
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,047
Actually, that does
sound like fun.
204
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,271
What'd you have in mind?
205
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,339
Uh... Okay, okay,
how about this?
206
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,775
Hey, did you guys hear
about Rob Schneider?
207
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,378
Somebody told me
he goes down to Home Depot
208
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,214
and pays the migrant workers
to go to his house
209
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,761
and choke him
while he masturbates
in the shower.
210
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,085
I could buy that.
That sounds like
something he'd do.
211
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,188
Well, I think that's awful
that Rob Schneider does that.
212
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,490
Yeah,
isn't that a disgusting,
absolute fact?
213
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,027
Yeah! We're
starting a rumor!
214
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:31,930
Wait a minute.
Chris, are you clapping?
Yeah!
215
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,898
So your hands are free.
Yeah!
216
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,611
Stewie didn't tie up your hands.
217
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,101
No, he must have forgot.
218
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,349
You've realized,
we've been sitting
here for 14 hours.
219
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,173
Well, get pissy
if you want, Mom.
220
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,042
I've enjoyed the time
we've had as a family.
221
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,376
What is it?
What did you do?
222
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,110
You almost shot me,
you son of a bitch!
223
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,333
That's because you yelled!
224
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:12,137
No, you shot the gun first.
That's why I yelled!
225
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:16,407
"That's why I yelled."
I'm watching you, buddy.
226
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,356
There's gotta be
some clue in here
227
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,292
that'll tell us where
Stewie might have gone.
228
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:38,496
Wow! Look at
all this cool stuff!
229
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,065
Man, what do you
think these things do?
230
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,346
Guess it doesn't do anything.
231
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,848
Well, that seems odd.
232
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:49,507
Oh, my God, Peter!
You're me!
233
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,409
Holy crap!
234
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,444
Sweet!
235
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:00,619
Squeeze, squeeze.
236
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,422
What does this do?
237
00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:11,395
Admiral, there be whales here!
238
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,966
All right, pull in here.
239
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,837
The CIA. What the hell
are we doing here?
240
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,739
You'll need
CIA credentials, Brian.
241
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,051
What do you want
your alias to be?
242
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,220
What are you talking about?
I'm not gonna...
243
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,288
Pick a name for yourself!
Willem Dafoe.
244
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,112
Ugh. Not that one.
I used to have a Willem Dafoe
living under my bed.
245
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,286
Hey, you asleep yet?
246
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,089
No.
247
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,190
Just checking.
248
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,949
What exactly are
you looking for?
249
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:57,608
According to my schematics,
it should be right in here.
250
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:02,460
Well, this isn't
quite right, is it?
251
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,749
Hello, gentlemen.
252
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,096
Great day to be
protecting freedom,
wouldn't you say?
253
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,721
Yeah, US of freakin' A.
We're number one.
254
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,467
Space shuttle and all that.
255
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:13,958
Terrific.
256
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,793
Hello, Smith.
How are you today?
257
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,173
Fine, sir.
What's new?
258
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:18,996
Do you know what
I heard this morning?
259
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:22,300
Apparently,
Rob Schneider goes down
to Home Depot...
260
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,280
And pays the migrant workers
to come home and choke him
261
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,414
while he masturbates
in the shower.
262
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,849
Yeah, he's been
doing that for years.
263
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:28,172
Sick bastard.
264
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,515
This is it, Brian.
265
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,619
My plan for world domination
is about to come to fruition.
266
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,704
Stewie, for God's sake,
they know we're here.
267
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:49,771
What are you trying to do?
268
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,696
Once I locate
the proper code sequence,
269
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,343
this terminal will allow me
to take command
of the satellites
270
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,012
which control
the world's power grid.
271
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,613
Once they're under my control,
272
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,197
the entire world
will be subject
to my whims.
273
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,644
Go away, you paperclip!
No one likes you!
274
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,114
Open up in there,
or we're breaking down
the door!
275
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,824
I love you, Katie.
276
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,560
I love you, too, Tom.
277
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,397
Oh, my God! I'm free!
278
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,003
The force field is down!
Go! Now!
279
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:38,019
I'd drop the gun
if I were you, Joe.
280
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,443
What? It's Stan.
281
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,557
Sorry,
you look sort of
like someone from...
282
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,292
Anyway, I'd drop
the gun if I were you.
283
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,161
I now control
the entire planet's
power grid,
284
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,898
and unless you want me
to send you all
back to the Dark Ages,
285
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:51,022
you'll do exactly as I say.
286
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:53,490
What are your demands?
287
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,797
We interrupt this program
to bring you
a special message
288
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,866
from the new president
of the world.
289
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,501
Greetings, loyal minions.
290
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,470
Stewie?
Oh, my God!
291
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,582
What the hell!
292
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,006
Good gravy!
293
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,375
Senor Rob Schneider,
you must come see the news!
294
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:14,912
I'm not paying you
guys to watch TV.
Now get in the damn shower!
295
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,255
Brian, come here.
296
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,702
I want you to hear
my presidential address
for St. Rupert's Day.
297
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:29,193
I'm unveiling
all the new laws
I have passed.
298
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,696
Screw off.
I don't want anything to do
with you or your damn laws.
299
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,065
Just take a look, will you?
300
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,580
You're banning
straight-to-video
Disney films?
301
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,371
Absolutely.
I mean, look at this.
302
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,174
Aladdin 4:
Jafar May Need Glasses.
303
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,643
Number one, number two.
304
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:52,149
Number one, number two.
305
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:57,021
About the same.
Number one might be
a tiny bit better.
306
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,823
Number three, number four.
307
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:01,325
Number three.
308
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,594
Five and six.
309
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,333
Five and six.
310
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,238
About the same?
311
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,541
Yeah, they're pretty much...
Can I see five one more time?
312
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,244
Five and six.
313
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,679
Yeah, they're about the same.
314
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,390
Greetings, unwashed masses.
315
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,531
The following laws
will go into
effect immediately.
316
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:32,456
Henceforth,
sexual intercourse
is illegal.
317
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,992
It is gross and disgusting
and punishable by death.
318
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:40,064
Origami keeps my hands busy
and my mind off sex.
319
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:45,803
There we go.
I made a swan.
Stewie's a good leader.
320
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:49,773
I wonder how many
of these swans
I can fit in my bum.
321
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,708
In addition,
from this day forward,
322
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,817
all the nation's milk
must come from
Hilary Swank's breasts.
323
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:57,559
On't give a damn what you want.
324
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,394
Just get the hell
off of my property!
325
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:02,052
Look, Hilary,
all I know is,
it's breakfast time,
326
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:03,531
I've got this
bowl of cornflakes,
327
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,155
and I gotta be
at work at 9:00.
328
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,424
So what are we gonna do here?
329
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,991
Not so fast.
330
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,728
Did you know you'd have
to eat 17 bowls
of those cornflakes
331
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,997
to get the same
nutritional value
in one bowl of Total?
332
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,901
Say, that's a lot easier
than eating 17 bowls!
333
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,614
And it's easier on my breasts!
334
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,205
Everybody wins!
335
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:24,975
♪ Hilary Swank
Get your milk from her ♪
336
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:26,588
Yeah!
Yeah!
337
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,546
Also,
as I've had quite enough
of the fat man,
338
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:33,450
anyone who sees Peter Griffin
must throw apples at him.
339
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:34,963
Yeah,
I'd like to make a deposit.
What the hell?
340
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,187
It's the law, sir.
341
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,391
Now, I have no doubt
342
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,037
that perhaps there may
exist some mild discontent
amongst some of you
343
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,195
at the recent changes
I have implemented.
344
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:46,530
Lest you be considering
any sort of uprising,
345
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,144
I warn you,
I am quite prepared
to make an example
346
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:53,638
of any undesirable elements.
And don't think I don't
know who you are.
347
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:57,275
♪ As someday it may happen
That a victim must be found
348
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:00,444
♪ I've got a little list
I've got a little list
349
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,981
♪ Of society offenders
Who might well be underground
350
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:07,217
♪ And who never
would be missed
Who never would be missed
351
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:09,198
♪ There's the white kid
With the baggy clothes
352
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,788
♪ Who's talking like
he's black
353
00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:14,158
♪ The girl you date
who doesn't get
The jokes in Caddyshack
354
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:17,561
♪ The Asian guy
who cuts in front
Of every single line
355
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:21,032
♪ And Britney Spears
For accidentally
showing her vagine
356
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:24,368
♪ And Bill O'Reilly's
Ineffective dermatologist
357
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,772
♪ They'd none of
them be missed
They'd none of them be missed
358
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:30,808
♪ He's got them on the list
He's got them on the list
359
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:35,079
♪ And they'd none
of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed
360
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,822
♪ There's the guy
behind the news reporter
Waving like a fool
361
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:48,059
♪ And senator Bill Frist
I've got him on the list
362
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,795
♪ And the fat kid
smiling warmly
While he's peeing in the pool
363
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:55,065
♪ He never would be missed
He never would be missed
364
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,836
♪ There's the foul-smelling
boy who comes to
school in camouflage
365
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,240
♪ And every bleeding member
Of the cast of Entourage
366
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,710
♪ And while we're
on the subject
HBO deserves a whack
367
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:09,213
♪ For ending The Sopranos
With a fucking cut to black
368
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:12,649
♪ And guys who when
you shake their hand
Just bump you with their fist
369
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:16,053
♪ I don't think
they'd be missed
I'm sure they'd not be missed
370
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:19,356
♪ He's got them on the list
He's got them on the list
371
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:23,828
♪ And they'd none
of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed
372
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,159
♪ There's the guy
who sits beside you
373
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,867
♪ And keeps
farting on the plane
374
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,271
♪ And Shakira's lyricist
I've got him on the list
375
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:37,008
♪ And the smarty
on Thanksgiving
Who says it's the tryptophane
376
00:19:37,077 --> 00:19:40,277
♪ He never would be missed
He never would be missed
377
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,186
♪ There's the blonde
who tells you loudly
378
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,981
♪ With a voice
just like a knife
379
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:47,518
♪ "You know,
someone should do a sitcom
Based around my life"
380
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:50,955
♪ The guy who
watched The Simpsons
Back in 1994
381
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,425
♪ And won't admit
the damn thing
Isn't funny anymore
382
00:19:54,494 --> 00:20:00,297
♪ And anyone and everyone
Who's ever made me pissed!
383
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,900
♪ Made me pissed
Made me really, really pissed
384
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,403
♪ I've got them on the list
385
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:12,043
♪ They'd none of
them be missed!
386
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:15,045
♪ He's got them on the list
He's got them on the list
387
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,792
♪ And they'd none
of them be missed
388
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:21,585
♪ They'd none of them
be missed
389
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,521
♪ None of them be missed ♪
390
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,423
That is enough!
391
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:28,225
Peter, I am not gonna stand by
392
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:31,295
while other people suffer
at the hands of my own baby.
393
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,497
I brought Stewie
into this world.
394
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,633
It's time for me
to take him out.
395
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:36,982
How the hell are you gonna do...
396
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,303
Sorry, Dad!
397
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,106
That's okay, Chris.
You're a good boy
following the law.
398
00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:43,841
But you, Meg,
you're going to jail.
399
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,405
All right, Peter,
I'm going to kill Stewie.
Dinner's in the oven.
400
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:06,542
All you have to do
is turn it to 350
at about 5:15.
401
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,410
Yeah, okay, Lois.
Are you listening?
402
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,811
Yeah.
What did I just say?
403
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:12,135
Turn the oven to 350 at 5:15.
I heard it!
404
00:21:14,906 --> 00:21:17,146
All right, sir,
your presidential
portrait is finished.
405
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,409
Let me see.
406
00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:20,644
Ah. Excellent.
407
00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:23,546
Much better than
the one Gary Larson did.
408
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,651
Why would I even be
talking to a chicken?
409
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,490
Lois!
410
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:35,992
Stewie, your reign of terror
has come to an end.
411
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:39,596
I will not stand by
while you make
innocent people suffer.
412
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:43,634
Bring it on, bitch.
Time for me to finish
what I started anyway.
413
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:21,365
Go ahead, Lois, do it.
Shoot me.
414
00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:24,067
Shoot your little baby Stewie.
415
00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:35,979
I can't do it. You're
a terrible, evil child,
but you're still my baby,
416
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:38,748
and I could never hurt you.
417
00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:41,184
Well,
that works out perfectly,
because I can hurt you.
418
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:44,187
Say hi to Cleveland for me.
Oh, and Mr. Weed.
419
00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:57,267
It's just been revoked.
420
00:23:57,336 --> 00:23:59,914
Peter,
he didn't really set you up
for that Lethal Weapon line.
421
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:01,416
It doesn't really work here.
422
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,409
I'll have what she's having.
423
00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:07,477
That's better.
424
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,868
Hey, Stewie, we got
a postcard from Peter
and Lois on the cruise.
425
00:24:31,937 --> 00:24:33,270
What are you doing?
426
00:24:33,339 --> 00:24:36,351
Oh, hello, Brian.
Well, you recall my
complaining about Lois
427
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,754
and the fat man not
taking me with them?
Yeah.
428
00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:41,456
Yes, well,
you said I didn't have
it in me to kill Lois,
429
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,826
so I was just running
a simulation to find out
exactly how killing her
430
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,828
and taking over the world
would play out for me.
431
00:24:46,852 --> 00:24:48,018
Yeah? How'd that go?
432
00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:50,587
Not well, Brian. Not well.
433
00:24:50,656 --> 00:24:54,424
I suppose I'm not
ready to kill Lois
or take over the world.
434
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:55,759
Yet.
435
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,994
So, what you're saying is
that what you experienced
436
00:24:58,063 --> 00:25:00,931
in the simulation
didn't really happen
or even matter.
437
00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:04,000
Yes, that's correct.
So it was sort
of like a dream.
438
00:25:04,069 --> 00:25:05,501
No, it was a simulation.
439
00:25:05,570 --> 00:25:08,238
Yes, but theoretically,
if someone watched the events
440
00:25:08,307 --> 00:25:10,506
of that simulation
from start to finish,
441
00:25:10,575 --> 00:25:12,943
only to find out
that none of it
really happened...
442
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:17,380
I mean, you don't think
that would be just like
a giant middle finger to them?
443
00:25:17,449 --> 00:25:20,228
Well, hopefully,
they would have
enjoyed the ride.
444
00:25:20,252 --> 00:25:23,653
I don't know, man.
I think you piss
a lot of people off that way.
445
00:25:23,722 --> 00:25:25,667
Well, at least it didn't end
like The Sopranos,
446
00:25:25,691 --> 00:25:28,051
where it just cut
to black in mid...
36077
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