Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:06,004
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:09,341
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,944
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,047
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:19,417
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:22,687
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,256
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,991
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:30,929
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,502
Happy birthday, Mom.
11
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,215
Oh, thank you, everybody.
12
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,917
I know it's a little
self-centered,
13
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,241
but this is my favorite day
of the year.
14
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,310
Here, Mom,
this is from me
and Meg.
15
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:50,282
Topol?
The smoker's
tooth polish?
16
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,551
Take the hint.
17
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,988
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
18
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,356
Lionel Richie's Can't Slow Down?
19
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,592
Great album, Lois.
Great album.
20
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,695
I didn't know who I was
until I heard this album.
21
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:10,335
Oh, God, Lionel.
You have been hurt.
22
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:15,274
You have been hurt
by somebody,
that much is clear.
23
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:19,511
Who hurt you?
Who hurt you?
Who hurt you?
24
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,680
Who hurt you?
Who hurt you?
25
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,584
Oh, thank you all
so much.
What thoughtful gifts.
26
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,952
Lois, there's one more.
27
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,498
Oh, Brian,
you don't have to
give me anything.
28
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:30,989
Oh. Well,
give it back, then.
29
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,726
No.
No, we have fun.
30
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:40,370
Oh, my God.
Two tickets for a cruise.
Brian, this is wonderful.
31
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,403
What the hell?
Dick.
32
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,350
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What is this?
We agreed on a $20 limit.
33
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,614
We set a cap, you jerk.
34
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:51,703
Us look bad, you son of a bitch?
35
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,523
Peter, what are you angry about?
36
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,391
You get to go
on a cruise with me.
37
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,115
What?
What?
38
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:59,963
Well, yeah, you didn't think
Brian meant for me
to go with him, did you?
39
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:03,555
Great. This was
a bigger waste of time
than Ringo's songwriting.
40
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,224
Hey, guys.
I wrote a song.
41
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,326
Oh, that's great.
42
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,038
Good, Ringo.
Fantastic.
43
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,264
You know what?
I'm gonna put it
right here.
44
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:16,368
Right on the refrigerator.
That way, we'll get
to see it every day.
45
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,869
All right.
46
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,841
Now, you kids
behave yourselves
while we're away.
47
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,388
Yeah, be good till we get back,
48
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,379
and, Brian, stay out
of the cat box.
49
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,748
Stay out of the cat box.
50
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:30,882
Bye, you guys.
51
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,951
Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
52
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,865
Farewell, Brian.
I'm off to sea.
53
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:37,500
An hour from now,
I'll be surrounded
by seamen.
54
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,569
Sperm whales and seamen.
55
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,359
A swallow.
56
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,388
Stewie, Peter and Lois
aren't taking you with them.
They've already boarded.
57
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:50,702
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
58
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:54,873
Bye. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
59
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:58,476
No. No, you can't leave,
not without me.
I'm the baby.
60
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,612
I haven't been
this disappointed since
I saw The Lake House.
61
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,182
See, the mailbox
is like a time portal.
62
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:07,291
Everything Keanu Reeves
puts in there, Sandra Bullock
gets two years later.
63
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,793
What the fuck?
64
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,946
Peter, what do you say
we go get some lunch?
65
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,381
Not yet, Lois.
I've been watching
this woman for three hours
66
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:26,749
waiting for her to turn over.
67
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,985
Peter, she knows
she untied
her bikini.
68
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,720
Women don't forget those things.
69
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:31,955
Well, will you go over there
70
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,690
and pour a cold drink
on her back?
No.
71
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,824
Will you go over there
behind her
72
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,492
and yell, "Fire drill"?
No.
73
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,061
Will you go over there
and lift
her shoulder a little,
74
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,428
so I can see her nipple?
75
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:40,919
All right, fine.
76
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,189
What a slut.
77
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,039
I'm sorry,
but I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to bar you
78
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,864
from the aft section
of the ship
for the rest of the cruise.
79
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,298
We are so sorry.
80
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,479
Peter, what the hell
did you think
you were doing?
81
00:03:56,503 --> 00:04:00,404
Lois, it is called
the "poop deck."
That is why I pooped there.
82
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,393
You're disgusting.
And you're misleading.
83
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,613
Boy, this is romantic,
isn't it, Lois?
84
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,693
Oh, it sure is, sweetie.
85
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,685
I feel like
that fat-ass British girl
from Titanic.
86
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,820
What girl?
The lead in Titanic,
87
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,101
the one opposite
Leonardo DiCaprio.
88
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,136
Sweetheart, that was a guy.
What?
89
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,394
That was a guy.
That was
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
90
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,207
What?
No, it wasn't.
91
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,798
Yes, it was, honey.
It was
Philip Seymour Hoffman.
92
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,835
Look at you out here,
on a big trip.
93
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:35,418
What are you doing?
I'll teach that hussy
94
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,762
to go on a boat ride without me.
95
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,422
When she returns,
I'm going to
put bamboo splinters
96
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:41,846
under all her fingernails.
97
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,926
Then I'm gonna
strip her down
and tie her to the bed.
98
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,661
Okay.
Then I'm gonna
make her crawl
99
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:49,354
on her hands and knees
while I drip hot candle wax
all over her back.
100
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:50,599
And then what are you gonna do?
101
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,056
Let's see...
102
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,170
Are you gonna
shower her off after
all that candle wax?
103
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,726
No, I'm gonna keep her filthy.
104
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,573
Yeah, she's been a bad girl.
105
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,830
And then
I'm gonna gag her
with her own underwear.
106
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,878
What?
No, no, nothing, nothing.
107
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:06,938
That's all part of
your diabolical plan
to humiliate her.
108
00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:08,707
Yes, yes, she'll be humiliated.
109
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,320
Maybe you'll
handcuff her?
She'll hate that.
110
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,487
Then I shall do that as well.
111
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:12,555
And call her a bitch.
112
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:13,859
Until I'm hoarse with rage.
113
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,725
Maybe smack her ass
with a riding crop
114
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,126
and watch her
go to town on herself?
115
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,516
Yes, and then...
What?
116
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,030
No, I mean,
that would like...
That would show her.
117
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,032
What the hell does
the second part
have to do with that?
118
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,400
No, man, it's your thing.
119
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,135
I mean, I don't care
if one hand
is on her boob
120
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,894
and the other hand
is down there. It's your...
It's your project.
121
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,629
Are you...
122
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,176
You're getting some kind
of sick, sexual thrill
off this, aren't you?
123
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,145
Who cares?
You're not gonna
kill her anyway.
124
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,914
You're gonna bitch and moan,
and then you're gonna
do what you always do.
125
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:40,450
The minute Lois
walks through
that door,
126
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,751
you're gonna
forget all about it,
127
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,135
beg for your apple juice,
go poop and fall asleep.
128
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:47,757
God, he's right.
129
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,926
I've got
the same daily routine
as Dick Clark.
130
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:53,719
Rupert, I've been all talk.
So much time wasted.
131
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,487
Well, no longer.
Lois is a dead woman.
132
00:05:56,556 --> 00:06:00,691
I'll do to her
what douche bags
did to the guitar.
133
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,930
This is a song
I wrote last summer.
It's called Water.
134
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,934
♪ My hair is growing
135
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:14,039
♪ Growing all the time
136
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:19,344
♪ Look how sensitive I am
137
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:24,683
♪ 'Cause my voice
is so fine
138
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,786
♪ Every beer
I've ever had
139
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,722
♪ Is on a shelf
above my bed
140
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:38,664
♪ And sometimes,
I put my speakers
facing out my window ♪
141
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,508
Peter, stop picking your teeth.
142
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,410
We're at the Captain's table.
143
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:56,014
And that was the first time
I saw the northern lights
at their peak.
144
00:06:56,082 --> 00:07:00,952
And as I gazed,
astonished at their
lustrous brilliance,
145
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:03,722
I turned to my first mate
and I said,
146
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,725
"We are looking
into the very eyes of God."
147
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:08,872
What a wonderful story.
148
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,976
All right, I got one for you.
149
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,277
And Lois
are driving up to Vermont
to get this abortion...
150
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,333
Peter!
151
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,213
Hang on, hang on, Lois.
Don't ruin it.
152
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,182
All right.
So, we're driving up
to get this abortion,
153
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,749
and we get to
the abortion clinic,
154
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,174
and the abortionist
has one hand.
155
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,987
The abortionist has one hand.
156
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,756
Missing hand on the abortionist.
157
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,124
And we're there
to get an abortion.
158
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,213
Peter, for God's...
159
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,960
I'll tell it.
I'll tell it.
160
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,385
So I turned to Lois
and I says, "You want to
get an abortion here?
161
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,656
"You want to get an abortion
with the abortionist
having a stump hand?"
162
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,235
And she says, "An abortion here?
163
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,338
"Are you kidding me?
The abortionist's
got one hand.
164
00:07:41,362 --> 00:07:43,073
"How do you abort
with one hand?"
165
00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:45,708
And I says,
"That's what I just said.
The abortionist has one hand.
166
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,576
"We can't get
an abortion here."
167
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,179
So we turned around
and went home and
two-and-a-half months later,
168
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,563
our daughter, Meg, was born.
169
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:59,577
Okay, explain to me
exactly
what I did wrong.
170
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,547
Peter, that story
was completely
inappropriate.
171
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,560
Well, send me the crap to hell
172
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:07,130
for being nostalgic
about the early years
of our marriage.
173
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,287
You've totally
ruined this trip for me.
174
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,157
I am mortified
to even show my face
around this ship.
175
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,969
Hey, the Captain's the one
who should be embarrassed.
176
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,693
His story was gay.
177
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,828
You're gay.
178
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,137
Pleasuring a man with
a socked foot, one time,
does not make a person gay.
179
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,461
Hello, Mother.
180
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:53,698
Stewie?
What the hell are you...
How did you get here?
181
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:57,535
Oh, there's
a very simple answer to that.
You drove me here, Lois.
182
00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,571
With all the indignities
I've been forced
to suffer day in and day out
183
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,808
under your matriarchal tyranny.
184
00:09:02,877 --> 00:09:05,944
What are you...
What are you doing
with a gun?
185
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:09,447
Something I should've done
a very long time ago.
186
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,982
I did it! I killed her!
She's dead!
187
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:54,326
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
Oh, yeah, that's right.
188
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,912
And finally, still no wordon the disappearanceof Lois Griffin,
189
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,514
housewife and mother
from Quahog,
190
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:07,017
who vanishedfrom a cruise shipsix days ago.
191
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:12,076
Well, folks, that's the news,
and I am out of here.
192
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,445
Daddy, she's been
missing so long.
193
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,259
Do you think
they'll ever find her?
194
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,882
God, I hope so, Meg.
195
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,985
Oh, yes, I'm sure
they'll find her.
196
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:23,188
This is fantastic.
Nobody suspects a thing.
197
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,423
Listen to my voice.
That sounds cool.
198
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,492
Hello.
199
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:33,564
Pigs in Space.
200
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:38,135
Hi, Peter. Can I
talk to you in the kitchen
for a second?
201
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,605
What is it, Joe?
Please tell me
Lois is alive.
202
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:46,544
It's been six days, Peter.
I'm sorry, but we had to
call off the search.
203
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,773
I'm afraid you're
just gonna have to
accept the fact that...
204
00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:51,260
She's gone.
205
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,453
No!
206
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,129
We now return to
207
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:07,598
Harrison Ford
Telling Random People
He Wants His Family Back.
208
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,907
I want my family back.
209
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,268
Okay.
210
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,577
Give me back my family.
211
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,104
Get off me.
212
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,372
I want my family back.
213
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,354
Hey, where've
I had another date.?
214
00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:21,757
You know, I'm glad
you're finally putting
yourself out there.
215
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,391
Lois would've wanted
you to move on.
216
00:11:23,415 --> 00:11:25,583
Yeah, only this one
was kind of awkward.
217
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,597
So, I'm a Leo
and your ad said
that you're a Cancer?
218
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,921
No, actually,
it said I have cancer.
219
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,369
Not cancer of the vagina, is it?
220
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:34,903
Here, have some more wine.
221
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:37,167
Then, there was that date
I had with that stick figure.
222
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:41,867
So, how would this work in bed?
223
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,636
Well, I can't do sex,
but I can give you
a stick job.
224
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,516
That...
That sounds...
225
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,507
Yes, it is very unpleasant.
226
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:52,277
But the freakiest
was that date
I had with Bonnie.
227
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,580
Peter, you don't know
how badly I need this.
228
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:58,016
- I don't know, Bonnie.
- It's just a little weird.
229
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,283
Joe's a friend of mine.
230
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,053
No, it's okay.
I promise you, it's okay.
231
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,422
I'm not sure.
232
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,324
It's okay, Peter.
233
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,293
Just remember,
whatever you do,
don't tell Chris I'm dating.
234
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,608
Peter, Lois has
been dead
for a whole year.
235
00:12:11,632 --> 00:12:13,152
You're gonna have to
tell him sometime.
236
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:18,369
Hi, Dad. Did we get
any mail from Mom
at the health spa today?
237
00:12:18,439 --> 00:12:20,038
Nope. Sorry, Chris.
238
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,218
She said she's going
straight from the spa
right back to Europe.
239
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,843
But I haven't seen Mom
since she took me
back-to-school shopping.
240
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,657
All right, sweetie,
you ready to get
some new notebooks,
241
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,560
and protractors and slacks?
242
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,782
I want blue jeans.
243
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,418
You're getting slacks!
244
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:38,701
Here you go, Stewie.
Finish your oatmeal,
245
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,493
and then I'll get you ready
for our Mommy and Me class.
246
00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:44,730
You know, Meg has
really flourished
since Lois was murdered.
247
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,398
What are you talking about?
Lois' death was an accident.
248
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,379
Which is just what
someone who pulled off
the perfect murder
249
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,814
would want you to think.
250
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:55,139
What the hell are you...
Stewie, did you...
251
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:57,275
Did you kill Lois?
252
00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:00,945
Of course, I didn't, Brian.
Remember what you said?
253
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:05,049
I'm all talk.
I wouldn't possibly
go through with it.
254
00:13:05,119 --> 00:13:07,385
I'll just poop and fall asleep.
255
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,922
My God, you did it.
You actually did it.
256
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,068
Oh, God.
I've really screwed
myself up here.
257
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,236
Listen, could you reach
into my pocket
258
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,460
and get the number
for that acupuncturist?
259
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,496
You son of a bitch.
You killed Lois!
260
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,810
Good luck proving
that, Brian. No,
seriously, that number...
261
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,167
Well, I'm gonna
expose you
for what you are.
262
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:26,471
No matter what it takes,
you are gonna pay for this.
263
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:27,905
You know, it's funny.
264
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,894
From this position,
I can hear Meg
up in her room.
265
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,331
I'm gonna pretend
you're the
New York Knicks.
266
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,851
Hey, put your wallets
away, guys.
The drinks are on me.
267
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:42,698
Well, that's
awful nice, Peter.
What's the occasion?
268
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,889
Lois' life insurance
policy paid off.
269
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:47,391
I've got more money
than Barbra Streisand.
270
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,580
Honey, I'm going shopping.
271
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,066
And I was gonna valet park.
272
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,102
I didn't know
that you had
life insurance on Lois.
273
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,982
Did you get that
right before the cruise?
274
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,750
Actually, I got it
on the cruise.
275
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,153
Right after we had
that big fight when I said,
"I wish you were dead,"
276
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,110
right before
I never saw her again.
277
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,578
Well, see you guys later.
I got to go buy hot dogs.
278
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,516
We keep running out
for some reason.
279
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,285
Either of you guys think
it's a little suspicious
280
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,366
that Peter took out
a life insurance
policy on Lois
281
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,368
right before she went missing?
282
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,591
You don't think...
283
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:22,671
That fat bastard
murdered her,
didn't he?
284
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:26,830
That son of a bitch.
He's a killer,
like Bernie Goetz.
285
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,178
You know,
the subway vigilante
from the '80s?
286
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,980
I used to do a bit
about him back when
I was doing stand up.
287
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:35,773
What else is in the news?Oh, oh, oh, Bernie Goetz,you hear about this?
288
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:39,510
This guy Bernie Goetzshot a bunch of muggerson the subway.
289
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:43,414
Wouldn't mind having himwith me next timeI go see my mother-in-law.
290
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,728
No, but really,New York City'sa great place to live,
291
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:47,318
if you're a cockroach.
292
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,467
You suck!
I know.
293
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:56,527
Hey, Stewie, I found this
receipt for a speedboat
rental upstairs in your room.
294
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,830
It's dated about a year ago.
Any idea how it got there?
295
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,044
Someone who rented
a speedboat
must've left it there.
296
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,145
Uh-huh.
297
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,547
Well, you can play
innocent all you want.
298
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,049
I am gonna
find the evidence
to put you away,
299
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,285
starting by proving
that you were
on that cruise ship
300
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,686
the night Lois disappeared.
301
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,077
No, I wasn't.
I was at the carnival
with Rupert.
302
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:14,345
The carnival with Rupert.
303
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:20,618
We won! We won!
Do it again.
Now I want a pink one.
304
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,165
Stewie, we've been
playing
for half an hour.
305
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,635
Oh, okay. You want to
go ride the tea bags?
Tea cups?
306
00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:26,691
Tea bags?
307
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,093
I was hoping to keep
these mementos, Rupert,
308
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,718
but I can't risk it,
with the dog
sniffing around for evidence.
309
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,663
Damn! What the hell
are they doing here?
310
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,431
What are we looking for, Joe?
311
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,633
Well, the trail
is pretty cold by now,
312
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:13,504
but if Peter did kill Lois,
we might find some clues
in his garbage.
313
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:16,941
Man, I haven't
dug through these cans
since Lois died.
314
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:18,788
Can't believe
it's been 12 months
315
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,322
since I've
deliberately
choked myself
316
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:23,225
by stuffing her
discarded makeup sponges
down my throat.
317
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:25,115
What's wrong with you?
318
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,852
Oh, my God.
319
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,456
That does look like
Peter's handwriting.
320
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:37,594
There's no doubt anymore.
Peter murdered his wife.
321
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,233
This is fantastic!
I'm completely off the hook.
322
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:45,703
What the hell?
323
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,892
Hey, little man.
Tell Chris
to open his window?
324
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:57,381
♪ Just around the corner
There's a rainbow in the sky
325
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,517
♪ So let's have
another cup o' coffee
326
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:04,122
♪ And let's have
another piece o' pie! ♪
327
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,597
Joe, what the hell is going on?
328
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:16,300
You're a suspect
in Lois' murder,
that's what's going on.
329
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:20,103
Don't make us go good cop,
developmentally
disabled cop on you.
330
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:26,477
We know that you killed Lois.
331
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:30,114
Hello?
332
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:34,886
No.
333
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:40,591
We can put you at the scene
334
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:44,362
where she was killed.
335
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:47,209
Hobey's right, Peter.
It doesn't
look good for you.
336
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,899
Joe, you got this all wrong.
337
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,928
Like God did,
when he made
Rosie O'Donnell.
338
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,817
You can't
put a vagina
on this man.
339
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,584
Why not?
I'm God.
340
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:59,321
Well, what do you
want to do
about the breasts?
341
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:02,847
Take a couple out of the bin
we can't find matches for.
342
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:11,555
I... I can't believe
Dad killed Mom.
343
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:16,927
Look, there he is.
Dad, how could you?
344
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:20,230
Hey, Dad, if they
put you in jail,
can we go in your room?
345
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,210
Look, don't you kids
buy any of this
for a second.
346
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:23,734
Your father is innocent.
347
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,302
Oh, he killed her.
348
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:28,539
Just like the telephone
killed the
telegraph sex business.
349
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,074
Hey, baby.
I bet you're hot. Stop.
350
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:35,312
Describe to me
what you're doing to
yourself right now. Stop.
351
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:40,317
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, nasty!
352
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,399
This trial is called to order.
353
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:46,390
Defense counsel,
we will hear
your opening statement.
354
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:51,461
Hey, everybody.
Today's the big day.
That's all, Your Honor.
355
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,530
Good. Good.
356
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:55,633
Prosecutor,
call your first witness.
357
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,846
Peter called me
right after he
killed my daughter
358
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,214
to tell me
he killed my daughter.
359
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,805
Really? Well,
that is interesting.
360
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,452
Yes, and as a favor
to the court,
361
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,710
I've produced
this simulation of how
the killing transpired.
362
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:11,615
I play Peter,
and I hired an Asian hooker
to play my daughter.
363
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,451
Lois, I'm fatand I'm stupid,and I fart at times
364
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,587
that ruinmy father-in-law'ssocial occasions,
365
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,267
and that's whyI'm never invitedto them.
366
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,391
You pay me now?
367
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,143
That's how it happened.
And that Lois
was no saint, either.
368
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:30,568
Said she'd give me
an over-under for 60 bucks.
Got gipped.
369
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,638
Chris, have you ever
seen your father
do anything bad?
370
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,176
Well, now that you mention it...
371
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,064
Hey, Meg.
Proud of you.
372
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,499
Has your father ever
killed anyone
that you know of?
373
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,692
Well, once by accident
when he was in the military.
374
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,660
All right.
You all know
your orders.
375
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,474
When you see the Taliban
come over the horizon,
376
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,164
you open fire immediately.
377
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,711
Okay, so when I see
Pat Tillman come over
the horizon, I shoot him.
378
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,536
No, no, no.
When you see the enemy
come over the horizon,
379
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,015
you shoot the enemy.
Okay.
380
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,317
Good, now repeat it back to me.
381
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,486
Okay, I shoot Pat Tillman,
then run over the horizon.
382
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:13,010
No. He's on our side!
You charge the enemy...
383
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,323
Right, and shoot Pat Tillman.
384
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,946
No, no, no, no!
385
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,561
Well, you know what?
You're gonna have to
explain it to me again,
386
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,563
'cause it sounds
to me like I'm
repeating back to you
387
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:21,997
exactly what you're telling me,
388
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,566
and obviously,
you're hearing
something different,
389
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,823
so just one more time.
390
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:29,227
Okay, when you see
the Taliban come over
the horizon, you shoot them.
391
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:30,639
All right, so I
shoot Pat Tillman,
392
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:31,973
and then run when
the Taliban show up.
393
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:34,998
No, you shoot the Taliban!
Not Pat Tillman. Got it?
394
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,144
Got it.
You sure?
395
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,835
Yep.
All right.
396
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,648
Hey, you know
where I can find
Pat Tillman?
397
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,206
Mr. Griffin, do you deny
killing your wife?
398
00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:44,609
Of course I deny it.
I loved my wife.
399
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,321
And I certainly think
I'd remember killing her.
400
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,305
Mr. Griffin,
do you drink?
401
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:51,548
I plead the fifth of Jack.
402
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:53,328
No, no, I'm joking.
Yes, I drink.
403
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:55,252
And have you ever
struck your wife?
404
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,731
Only in front of the kids
405
00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,000
to assert my status
as dominant male
of the pride.
406
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:00,424
Are you a violent man?
407
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,203
What are you, a wise guy?
408
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:04,606
'Cause I know how to
deal with wise guys.
409
00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:05,762
No further questions.
410
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,364
You son of a bitch.
411
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:10,873
If I had a gun
on a boat,
I'd shoot you.
412
00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:15,216
Mr. Foreman,
how say you?
413
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,209
We find Peter Griffin
guilty of murder
in the first degree.
414
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,889
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
415
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,090
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
416
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,314
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
417
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,524
N I ask everyone
to please stop saying "oh, no"
in this courtroom?
418
00:21:34,593 --> 00:21:38,396
'Cause the fucking
Kool-Aid guy's gonna keep
showing up. Thank you.
419
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,942
Mr. Griffin,
I hereby sentence you
to life imprisonment
420
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,166
with no possibility of...
421
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:07,057
Lois. You're alive.
422
00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:08,425
Mom, you're alive!
423
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:09,972
Oh, my gosh.
Mom!
424
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:12,408
Lois, my God,
what happened?
We thought you were dead.
425
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:15,032
Mom, we thought Dad killed you.
426
00:22:15,101 --> 00:22:19,236
No, he didn't, Chris,
but someone tried to.
427
00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:21,082
Do you remember who it was?
428
00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:22,806
Yes, I do.
429
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:24,341
It was Stewie.
34461
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof