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1
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[man] The assholes wouldn't leave.
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I had to call the goddamn Sheriff to cart
them and their scrawny fucktard kids away.
3
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Ah, crap! Goddammit.
4
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Fuck!
5
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I don't know, a dead possum.
6
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[flies buzzing]
7
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What a shit hole.
8
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Listen, I gotta go.
Another day, another eviction.
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[narrator] This dump's my home.
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The only one I ever had.
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Some people may not think much of it.
12
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But me and my buddy Otto
like it here just fine.
13
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And the good book says,
"A man's home is his castle
14
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and whosoevereth trespasses shall be
struck down with fire and lightning."
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And since I ain't got no lightning,
I tend just to keep it real simple, like.
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[gun cocks]
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I'm about to blow your head off, fat boy.
18
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Mr. Dvorchack, I presume?
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City Inspector.
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[grunts]
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I've been habitating here
more than 20-odd years now.
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And some new high-falutin' sanitation law
don't mean shit to me, Mr. City Inspector.
23
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Oh, but I'm afraid it does mean something
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to the owners of the condominiums
they're building next door.
25
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So, you see,
everything in this dump has got to go,
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including you, Mr. Dvorchack.
27
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- If you'll just sign these papers...
- [Dvorchack] Otto!
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Otto! C'mere, boy!
29
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Oh, dang critter.
30
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Always scrounging for food.
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Yeah, I tell you what... how about
we crack a couple of cold beers
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while I spin ya a little yarn?
33
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And you still want Otto
and me gone when I'm done,
34
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well, I'll sign whatever you want
and we clear on out.
35
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- Dang lighter!
- I'm a busy man, Mr. Dvorchack.
36
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I don't have time for drunken ramblings
and crazy stories.
37
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If we could just move this...
38
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- One night, couple years back...
- Fuck me.
39
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- ...me and my friend Pearly, we...
- [lighter ignites]
40
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Eh?
41
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Me and my friend Pearly were
having a drink and conversatin', like.
42
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[laughs]
43
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Oh, boy, I tell ya.
44
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Hell, you oughta get up off yer duff
and see the world.
45
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Oh, what for?
46
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Everything I need ends up here eventually.
47
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Oh, yeah? What about women?
48
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I don't see no women round here.
49
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Pearly, she's right there.
50
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Oh, sorry. No offense, Betty.
51
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But I am telling you, boy.
52
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Down in Laredo, they got these
river trash whores. Oh, boy!
53
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[laughing]
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They can suck the chrome
off a trailer hitch.
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- [metal clangs]
- Hey, you hear that?
56
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It's just rats. Tell me about the whores.
57
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Hold your horses a minute.
My back teeth are floating.
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[Pearly] Come on out, ya little monster.
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[chuckles]
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Yeah, boy.
61
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[metal banging]
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[rattling]
63
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What?
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[loud clanging and rattling]
65
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[grunts]
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What in the hell?
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[chuckles]
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[gun shot]
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Don't shoot the rats!
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- It's good company.
- [multiple gun shots]
71
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What in tarnation?
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[panting heavily]
73
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We gotta get the hell outta Dodge!
74
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- There's something out there?
- What the hell is it?
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[metal crashing]
76
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It's coming.
77
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What is it?
78
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Damned if I know! It's eyes everywhere!
79
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All manner of crap stickin' out of it.
80
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It's all shiny and wet.
81
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[Pearly yelps]
82
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[gulps] My balls!
83
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[screams]
84
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Aargh! Help me!
85
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[gargled scream]
86
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I don't wanna go!
87
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Let go, Pearly!
88
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I can't shoot!
89
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[creature moans]
90
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Pearly!
91
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[creature howls]
92
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[banging and rattling]
93
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[creature growls and snorts]
94
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[creature moans]
95
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Give my friend back, motherfucker!
96
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I'ma get you, you son of a bitch.
97
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[engine starts]
98
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[engine revs]
99
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[tires screech]
100
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Die!
101
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[cackles]
102
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[howls]
103
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What in the shit?
104
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[howling]
[reverse gear beeping]
105
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Now fuck me ragged.
106
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- [whimpers]
- A puppy.
107
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[groaning]
108
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[Dvorchack] And that's when abig old light bulbย went off in my head.
109
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This here monster wasn't just created
by all the heat and garbage.
110
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It lived off it.
111
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And whatever it ate became a part of it.
112
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[incoming message alert]
113
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[Inspector laughs]
114
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They're gonna love this one
back at the office.
115
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Sorry.
116
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So, you were saying about Curly?
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His name was Pearly.
118
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Right.
119
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And it's an absolutely riveting tale,
Mr. Dvorchack,
120
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but I can actually feel myself
getting septic shock sitting here.
121
00:08:03,213 --> 00:08:06,263
So, if you'll just make a big X
on those papers,
122
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I can finally get out of this shit hole.
123
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Otto! There you are, boy!
124
00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:13,710
[creature growls]
125
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[metal clanging]
126
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What? [screams]
127
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No!
128
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,756
No!
129
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Mr. Dvorchack!
130
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[screaming]
131
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Yep. The way I see it...
132
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you hang around a dump long enough
and the world comes to you.
133
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Ain't that right, Otto?
134
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[screams]
[Dvorchack laughs]
135
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[whistles] Here, boy!
136
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Attaboy!
137
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[Dvorchack] Yes, sir, the dump's my home.
9469
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