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1
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♪ Men ♪
2
00:00:10,370 --> 00:00:11,228
Oh, God.
3
00:00:11,229 --> 00:00:12,612
Walden.
4
00:00:12,614 --> 00:00:14,230
Wake up.
You have to go.
5
00:00:14,232 --> 00:00:15,281
What?
6
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,733
My daughter's going
to be up soon.
7
00:00:16,735 --> 00:00:19,435
I don't want her to
find you in here.
8
00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:21,120
Okay...
9
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,539
I'm awake.
10
00:00:22,541 --> 00:00:24,541
Now get dressed.
11
00:00:24,543 --> 00:00:25,959
All right.
12
00:00:25,961 --> 00:00:28,110
Um... before I go,
13
00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:30,914
I do have that
morning phenomenon
14
00:00:30,916 --> 00:00:32,582
that sometimes
happens to fellas.
15
00:00:32,584 --> 00:00:34,417
You know,
in the morning.
16
00:00:34,419 --> 00:00:37,119
I don't care about
your erection, okay?
17
00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:39,138
Okay, fine, fine.
18
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,791
I just thought
that I would point it out
19
00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:43,459
since it is...
20
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,795
you know, pointing out.
21
00:00:45,797 --> 00:00:47,630
Very impressive.
22
00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:50,967
Now, skedaddle before
Ava wakes up, okay?
23
00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:53,319
You know, at some point,
I'm going to have to meet her.
24
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:55,939
At some point, yes,
but not today.
25
00:00:55,941 --> 00:00:58,474
Yeah, well, I kind of feel
like I already know her.
26
00:00:58,476 --> 00:01:00,109
I mean, I'm certainly familiar
27
00:01:00,111 --> 00:01:03,079
with her port of entry
into this world.
28
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,165
Yes. Ha ha.
29
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,500
Now, get out.
30
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,485
Mummy?
31
00:01:10,956 --> 00:01:12,338
Uh... closet!
32
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,507
Really? The closet?
Isn't that kind of cliché?
33
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:15,992
Oh, God. In!
34
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,612
I want to snuggle.
35
00:01:19,614 --> 00:01:20,847
Good idea!
36
00:01:20,849 --> 00:01:22,882
Let's snuggle in your room.
37
00:01:22,884 --> 00:01:24,801
No, here.
38
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,970
Here. Of course.
39
00:01:26,972 --> 00:01:29,171
Um, good.
40
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:30,723
Now, close your eyes,
41
00:01:30,725 --> 00:01:32,475
and Mummy will give you
a super-duper snuggle.
42
00:01:32,477 --> 00:01:33,476
Mwah!
43
00:01:33,478 --> 00:01:35,111
Are your eyes closed?
44
00:01:35,113 --> 00:01:36,229
Uh-huh.
45
00:01:36,231 --> 00:01:38,481
Are Winston's eyes closed?
46
00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:40,516
He's not real, Mummy.
47
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:42,852
All righty.
48
00:01:42,854 --> 00:01:45,187
Get out!
49
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All done.
50
00:01:54,032 --> 00:01:56,198
Now, what do you say
51
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,167
we make some pancakes?
52
00:01:58,169 --> 00:01:59,535
Yay!
53
00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:03,306
Pancakes! Pancakes!
Pancakes! Pancakes!
54
00:02:03,308 --> 00:02:04,757
Pancake train!
Pancakes!
55
00:02:04,759 --> 00:02:08,210
Pancakes! Pancakes!
Pancakes! Pancakes!
56
00:02:10,481 --> 00:02:13,299
I like pancakes.
57
00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:17,186
I left Winston
on your bed.
58
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:35,538
I could totally be Spider-Man.
59
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,712
I think I broke
my morning phenomenon.
60
00:02:43,681 --> 00:02:46,516
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
61
00:02:46,518 --> 00:02:47,673
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
62
00:02:47,674 --> 00:02:50,674
♪ Two and a Half Men 9x15 ♪
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
Original Air Date on February 6, 2012
63
00:02:50,675 --> 00:02:53,575
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
64
00:02:53,576 --> 00:02:55,110
♪ Men.
65
00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:58,401
Can I ask you a
personal question?
66
00:02:58,403 --> 00:03:01,070
Does it involve money,
drugs or pregnancy?
67
00:03:01,072 --> 00:03:02,205
No.
68
00:03:02,207 --> 00:03:04,958
How can I help you, my son?
69
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,210
You and Eldridge's mom
are dating again, right?
70
00:03:07,212 --> 00:03:09,912
Right.
You think you'll ever get married?
71
00:03:09,914 --> 00:03:11,598
Uh, well, actually,
we talked about that
72
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,349
and decided the only
reason to do it
73
00:03:13,351 --> 00:03:15,351
would be if we wanted
to have more kids,
74
00:03:15,353 --> 00:03:17,187
and since we both...
75
00:03:23,277 --> 00:03:26,946
...had so much success
the first time,
76
00:03:26,948 --> 00:03:28,948
there's really no point.
77
00:03:28,950 --> 00:03:29,983
Oh.
78
00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,484
What brought that up?
79
00:03:31,486 --> 00:03:33,603
Oh. Me and Eldridge
were thinking
80
00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:35,455
it would be cool if
we were brothers,
81
00:03:35,457 --> 00:03:38,575
so that we could switch
places to fool people.
82
00:03:38,577 --> 00:03:40,627
That only works
if you're twins, Jake.
83
00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:43,046
How do you know
for sure I'm Jake?
84
00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:47,750
Morning.
Morning.
85
00:03:47,752 --> 00:03:49,002
What happened to you?
86
00:03:49,004 --> 00:03:53,223
I was perched on a dresser,
and I fell on my penis.
87
00:03:53,225 --> 00:03:55,975
Oh. I hate when
that happens.
88
00:03:58,178 --> 00:03:59,929
Uh... uh, dare I ask?
89
00:03:59,931 --> 00:04:02,315
Uh, yeah, I was hiding
from Zoey's daughter.
90
00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,959
Oh. Still doesn't want you
to meet her?
91
00:04:03,984 --> 00:04:05,184
No.
92
00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:06,903
Well, it's not unusual
for single moms
93
00:04:06,905 --> 00:04:08,187
to be protective of their kids.
94
00:04:08,189 --> 00:04:10,139
And then, when you are
introduced to them,
95
00:04:10,141 --> 00:04:12,692
you're "Uncle Alan, who's on
his way back to Cleveland,
96
00:04:12,694 --> 00:04:14,494
"and you don't have
to remember his name
97
00:04:14,496 --> 00:04:17,230
because you'll never,
ever see him again."
98
00:04:17,232 --> 00:04:20,700
What do you do to women
to piss them off so much?
99
00:04:20,702 --> 00:04:23,819
If I knew,
don't you think I'd stop?
100
00:04:24,905 --> 00:04:26,172
Well, the daughter stuff
101
00:04:26,174 --> 00:04:28,174
isn't the only thing
bothering me about Zoey.
102
00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:30,043
Oh, I thought you guys
were getting along great.
103
00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:31,594
Well, we are...
most of the time.
104
00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,162
It's just...
105
00:04:34,098 --> 00:04:35,882
Have you ever been
in a relationship
106
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,833
where you're really
into each other,
107
00:04:37,835 --> 00:04:39,802
but the sex
isn't everything it could be?
108
00:04:39,804 --> 00:04:41,104
Oh, sure.
109
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:44,507
Uh, except for the
"really into each other" part.
110
00:04:44,509 --> 00:04:46,309
It's not that the sex is bad,
Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:47,677
it's just that...
112
00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:50,313
lately, it seems like she
could just take it or leave it.
113
00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:52,115
Oh... "Take it or leave it."
114
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,200
Boy, I know that song.
115
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:55,735
But my philosophy is,
116
00:04:55,737 --> 00:04:58,571
as long as she's taking it,
I'm not leaving.
117
00:04:58,573 --> 00:05:01,240
You know what she said to me
last night, after we had sex?
118
00:05:01,242 --> 00:05:02,408
"That was nice.
119
00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,127
Now let's do something fun."
120
00:05:05,696 --> 00:05:07,463
Well, I suppose
that's better than,
121
00:05:07,465 --> 00:05:11,367
"Put your pants on so we can get
back to the family reunion."
122
00:05:11,369 --> 00:05:13,136
You're kidding, right?
123
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:16,589
Oh, she was just
a cousin by marriage.
124
00:05:16,591 --> 00:05:19,676
So have you actually talked
to Zoey about your problem?
125
00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:21,928
No. I was just hoping
it would just get better.
126
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,846
Oh, no, no, no. Take it from me.
127
00:05:23,848 --> 00:05:25,648
There are two things
in long-term relationships
128
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:27,233
that never get better
by themselves.
129
00:05:27,235 --> 00:05:28,568
One is sex.
130
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,353
What's the other one?
131
00:05:30,355 --> 00:05:31,537
Does it matter?
132
00:05:35,526 --> 00:05:37,160
It's all arranged.
133
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,028
Ava's going to be
spending tonight with her dad.
134
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:40,246
Great.
135
00:05:40,248 --> 00:05:41,731
So sleepover at my house?
136
00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:43,116
Sounds heavenly.
137
00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:45,501
Although I don't know
how much sleeping we'll do.
138
00:05:45,503 --> 00:05:47,403
Cheeky monkey.
139
00:05:47,405 --> 00:05:49,205
Shall I bring around
some Chinese?
140
00:05:49,207 --> 00:05:50,289
Hey, the more, the merrier.
141
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:52,458
Ha, ha.
142
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:55,845
You know, if there's
anything I can do
143
00:05:55,847 --> 00:05:59,265
to, you know,
make you happier...
144
00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:01,217
What on Earth
are you talking about?
145
00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:04,137
I just... I couldn't help
but notice...
146
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:06,889
I can't even say it.
147
00:06:06,891 --> 00:06:08,241
Come on, Walden.
148
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,692
You can tell me anything.
149
00:06:09,694 --> 00:06:11,728
All right.
150
00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:14,364
The sex.
151
00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:16,449
You don't... you don't seem
to be enjoying the sex.
152
00:06:16,451 --> 00:06:17,700
Okay, I can't talk about that.
153
00:06:17,702 --> 00:06:20,069
Okay, y-you said we could talk
about anything.
154
00:06:20,071 --> 00:06:21,437
Yeah, but not about that.
155
00:06:21,439 --> 00:06:23,773
And certainly not on a computer.
156
00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:25,274
Why? Nobody's listening.
157
00:06:28,278 --> 00:06:29,462
I'm sorry.
158
00:06:29,464 --> 00:06:32,448
I'm-I'm very uncomfortable
talking about...
159
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:34,467
you know...
160
00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:35,785
No offense, but you don't seem
161
00:06:35,787 --> 00:06:37,453
that comfortable
doing it, either.
162
00:06:37,455 --> 00:06:39,389
You're still talking about it.
163
00:06:39,391 --> 00:06:40,840
I-I-I mean,
because if you're not,
164
00:06:40,842 --> 00:06:43,142
I mean, there are...
there are things that we can do.
165
00:06:43,144 --> 00:06:44,477
There are things we can try.
166
00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:46,229
Like?
167
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:49,732
I don't know,
like role-playing.
168
00:06:49,734 --> 00:06:52,101
Role-playing?
169
00:06:52,103 --> 00:06:53,486
Yeah. You know...
170
00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:56,572
"Hey, lady,
I'm here to clean the pool."
171
00:06:57,441 --> 00:06:59,242
But I don't have a pool.
172
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:00,910
No, it's an imaginary pool.
173
00:07:00,912 --> 00:07:04,030
How is you
cleaning an imaginary pool
174
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,164
supposed to be erotic?
175
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:07,116
Okay, okay,
just forget the pool.
176
00:07:07,118 --> 00:07:08,651
I... all I'm saying is-is that,
177
00:07:08,653 --> 00:07:12,338
if there's anything I can do,
just let me know.
178
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:14,156
Thank you for your concern,
179
00:07:14,158 --> 00:07:16,826
but I'm perfectly
satisfied with our...
180
00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:19,595
carnal interludes.
181
00:07:20,464 --> 00:07:21,798
Really?
182
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,182
Carnal interludes?
183
00:07:23,184 --> 00:07:24,934
Well, what do you
want me to call it?
184
00:07:24,936 --> 00:07:26,385
It doesn't matter.
I mean, the distance
185
00:07:26,387 --> 00:07:28,471
between "carnal interludes"
and what I would call it
186
00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:30,890
isn't really susceptible
to compromise.
187
00:07:30,892 --> 00:07:32,842
All right, listen,
I have to run and take Ava
188
00:07:32,844 --> 00:07:34,610
to her father's,
so I'll see you tonight, yes?
189
00:07:34,612 --> 00:07:35,945
Great.
190
00:07:35,947 --> 00:07:38,281
Walden, believe me,
191
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:41,200
I am fine and dandy
with our...
192
00:07:42,619 --> 00:07:44,871
Carnal interludes.
193
00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:46,989
See you.
194
00:07:46,991 --> 00:07:48,791
Everything okay
195
00:07:48,793 --> 00:07:50,743
with you and
Mary Poppins?
196
00:07:50,745 --> 00:07:52,027
Were you eavesdropping?
197
00:07:52,029 --> 00:07:53,246
If I don't eavesdrop,
198
00:07:53,248 --> 00:07:55,131
I've got nothing
to tweet about.
199
00:07:56,199 --> 00:07:57,800
The problem is she's English.
200
00:07:57,802 --> 00:08:00,052
Stiff upper lips and all that.
201
00:08:01,037 --> 00:08:03,706
You should date
a nice Polish girl.
202
00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,207
You don't say.
203
00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:06,375
Oh, yeah.
204
00:08:06,377 --> 00:08:09,128
Those Commies,
they're all freaks.
205
00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:12,064
Sex is the only thing
206
00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:14,484
they didn't have to stand
in line and wait for.
207
00:08:17,187 --> 00:08:18,521
Good to know.
208
00:08:18,523 --> 00:08:19,739
I think I'll stick with Zoey.
209
00:08:19,741 --> 00:08:21,691
I just wish I could
get her to relax.
210
00:08:21,693 --> 00:08:22,692
You know, let go.
211
00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:24,944
Me, I'm just the opposite.
212
00:08:24,946 --> 00:08:27,363
I can get off
leaning against the dryer
213
00:08:27,365 --> 00:08:29,732
with a couple of sneakers in it.
214
00:08:30,534 --> 00:08:32,618
Is that why my Nikes
are so clean?
215
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:34,837
Win-win.
216
00:08:34,839 --> 00:08:39,074
Listen, if you want to loosen up
the Duchess of Dull-In-Sack,
217
00:08:39,076 --> 00:08:42,745
you might try slipping her
one of my special brownies.
218
00:08:43,764 --> 00:08:46,132
I got a fresh batch
in the fridge.
219
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:49,085
You know, for my glaucoma.
220
00:08:52,589 --> 00:08:54,106
Thank you, but I'm...
221
00:08:54,108 --> 00:08:57,059
I don't want to have to get Zoey
loaded to enjoy sex with me.
222
00:08:57,061 --> 00:08:59,428
Suit yourself.
223
00:08:59,430 --> 00:09:00,897
Doesn't want to get her loaded.
224
00:09:00,899 --> 00:09:03,282
What's the matter
with kids today?
225
00:09:04,284 --> 00:09:06,101
♪ Men.
226
00:09:09,457 --> 00:09:10,740
Aw.
227
00:09:10,742 --> 00:09:12,441
That was a lovely movie.
228
00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:14,911
Yeah, that Hugh Grant
is really something.
229
00:09:24,254 --> 00:09:25,888
Something wrong?
230
00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:27,773
No. Why?
231
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,592
Usually, at this point
in the evening,
232
00:09:29,594 --> 00:09:31,310
you start
getting frisky.
233
00:09:32,145 --> 00:09:33,629
Frisky?
234
00:09:34,464 --> 00:09:35,815
Randy.
235
00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,299
Randy?
236
00:09:37,301 --> 00:09:38,818
All right. "Horny."
237
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:41,087
Made you say it.
238
00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,825
Is that an invitation
to get frisky?
239
00:09:45,827 --> 00:09:47,476
If you want.
240
00:09:47,478 --> 00:09:48,828
If you want.
241
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:51,163
Well, I want
if you want.
242
00:09:51,165 --> 00:09:52,615
No, no, I want
you to want
243
00:09:52,617 --> 00:09:54,166
because you want,
not because I want.
244
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,651
Okay, I've lost
the thread.
245
00:09:55,653 --> 00:09:57,620
Now, are we gonna
do this or not?
246
00:09:57,622 --> 00:09:59,622
Only if you want.
247
00:09:59,624 --> 00:10:01,490
Oh, Walden, why are you
making this so difficult?
248
00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:04,660
Because I... it's not fun for
me unless you're having fun.
249
00:10:04,662 --> 00:10:05,845
All right.
250
00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:08,014
Let's have some fun.
251
00:10:09,132 --> 00:10:10,600
Oh, look.
252
00:10:10,602 --> 00:10:12,501
It's the pool cleaning man.
253
00:10:15,171 --> 00:10:18,024
Come to clean my pool,
have you?
254
00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:21,176
Okay, that's...
that's enough.
255
00:10:21,178 --> 00:10:25,031
My, what a big chlorine bottle
you've got.
256
00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:26,282
O-Okay, please stop.
257
00:10:26,284 --> 00:10:27,450
Let's just stop.
258
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:28,818
You sure?
259
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:30,019
Yes.
260
00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:31,520
Oh, okay.
261
00:10:31,522 --> 00:10:33,906
We'll go
to sleep, then.
262
00:10:40,647 --> 00:10:42,832
Do you like brownies?
263
00:10:42,834 --> 00:10:44,216
What?
264
00:10:44,218 --> 00:10:45,885
Is this another game?
265
00:10:45,887 --> 00:10:47,703
The sexy pastry chef.
266
00:10:47,705 --> 00:10:49,305
No. No.
267
00:10:49,307 --> 00:10:51,474
Come to butter
my baking pan, have you?
268
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:52,725
No. No.
269
00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:55,177
No. Uh... no.
270
00:10:55,179 --> 00:10:56,395
No.
Okay.
271
00:10:56,397 --> 00:10:57,713
It's just that...
272
00:10:57,715 --> 00:11:01,350
Berta made these...
pot brownies,
273
00:11:01,352 --> 00:11:04,520
and I just thought maybe,
274
00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:08,223
if we had one, that we
could relax a little bit.
275
00:11:08,225 --> 00:11:11,944
Oh... Tried that once
at university.
276
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,863
Had a bit of a giggle.
277
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:16,032
Is that a yes?
278
00:11:16,034 --> 00:11:18,351
I don't see any harm in it.
279
00:11:18,353 --> 00:11:21,003
What was that?
280
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:22,838
Do you hear police sirens?
281
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,707
I hear police sirens.
282
00:11:27,178 --> 00:11:29,095
Dear God, they're from France!
283
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:35,184
Bummer.
284
00:11:38,855 --> 00:11:40,856
Oh, no, they're
getting closer!
285
00:11:44,278 --> 00:11:47,613
Looks like someone else
found the brownies.
286
00:11:47,615 --> 00:11:49,782
Oh, good, you saw her, too.
287
00:11:55,357 --> 00:11:57,707
Zoey!
288
00:11:57,709 --> 00:12:02,829
Zoey! Zoey!
289
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,350
Okay, she's definitely
not on the beach.
290
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,585
Don't worry, man,
I'm sure she's somewhere.
291
00:12:09,587 --> 00:12:11,371
That's true.
292
00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:14,024
Everybody's somewhere.
293
00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:17,727
Whoa, that is seriously deep.
294
00:12:17,729 --> 00:12:19,429
Slice?
295
00:12:19,431 --> 00:12:21,648
Ah, thank you.
296
00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:23,950
Okay.
297
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,786
We got to find Zoey before
something horrible happens.
298
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,988
This is very good.
299
00:12:30,408 --> 00:12:32,909
Anyway, we should split up.
300
00:12:32,911 --> 00:12:35,278
A hundred bucks
to the man who finds her.
301
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,779
Hundred bucks?
302
00:12:36,781 --> 00:12:38,331
We're in.
303
00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:40,834
Cool.
304
00:12:40,836 --> 00:12:43,920
Maybe she's on the beach.
305
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:49,142
Zoey! Zoey!
306
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:50,126
Okay.
307
00:12:50,128 --> 00:12:52,679
We have to find Zoey
before he does.
308
00:12:52,681 --> 00:12:54,464
Zoey!
309
00:12:54,466 --> 00:12:57,984
Where would you go if you were
stoned and freaking out?
310
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:01,371
Taco Bell.
311
00:13:01,373 --> 00:13:03,490
Excellent.
312
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,975
Let's go.
Zoey!
313
00:13:05,977 --> 00:13:08,128
I'm right behind you.
314
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:14,918
Zoey! Zoey!
315
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,204
♪ Men.
316
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:22,658
Mmm...
317
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:23,660
Hello.
318
00:13:23,662 --> 00:13:25,178
Mm, hello, Alan.
319
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,629
What's going on?
320
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,298
Just a little snack.
321
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,517
I see.
322
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:31,968
Uh, where's Walden?
323
00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:33,002
Beats me.
324
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:36,106
Hey, you know what's very weird?
325
00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:40,643
You Americans call these chips,
we call them crisps.
326
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,680
And what we call chips,
you call...
327
00:13:43,682 --> 00:13:44,697
French fries.
328
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,867
Oh, don't get me
started on the French.
329
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,202
Yeah.
330
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,988
Um, did you have
one of Berta's brownies?
331
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:54,124
Indeed I did.
332
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:55,708
I did indeed.
333
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,544
Indeed I did a doody-deedy.
334
00:13:58,412 --> 00:14:00,029
Hey,
335
00:14:00,031 --> 00:14:01,047
where's Walden?
336
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,582
We're supposed to be
having good sex.
337
00:14:02,584 --> 00:14:03,866
Oh, is that so?
338
00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:05,335
Mm.
339
00:14:05,337 --> 00:14:08,471
He thinks I don't enjoy it,
but it's just hard for me
340
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:11,541
to give myself to a man
unless I trust him completely.
341
00:14:11,543 --> 00:14:12,759
I certainly understand that.
342
00:14:12,761 --> 00:14:15,762
But once I do,
I have orgasm after orgasm,
343
00:14:15,764 --> 00:14:17,713
especially if you
spank my bottom
344
00:14:17,715 --> 00:14:19,899
while I ride you like a Vespa.
345
00:14:24,388 --> 00:14:27,490
Okay. I'll-I'll try
to pass that along.
346
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,391
Um...
347
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:30,710
Okay, I'm going
to bed now.
348
00:14:30,712 --> 00:14:32,728
Night.
Hmm. Mm.
349
00:14:32,730 --> 00:14:34,730
By the way,
I know I haven't always
350
00:14:34,732 --> 00:14:36,065
been very warm to you.
351
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,066
Well, that's true.
352
00:14:38,403 --> 00:14:40,870
It's only 'cause I don't
care for you very much.
353
00:14:40,872 --> 00:14:43,289
Understood.
354
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:44,257
Nighty-night.
355
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:46,125
Good night.
356
00:14:47,878 --> 00:14:50,513
Nice change of pace
hearing it with an accent.
357
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,915
"I just don't
care for you very much."
358
00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:55,935
It's classy.
359
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:56,919
Oh, hey.
360
00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:58,104
Oh, hey,
there you are.
361
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,606
Zoey's looking
for you.
362
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:00,590
She's here?
363
00:15:00,592 --> 00:15:01,924
Yeah, she
went to bed.
364
00:15:01,926 --> 00:15:05,094
Oh. Thank God.
365
00:15:05,096 --> 00:15:06,813
I better go check on her.
366
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:12,101
But first, ice cream.
367
00:15:13,572 --> 00:15:16,206
Good news! We found Zoey!
368
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:19,092
♪ Ta-da!
369
00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:24,464
Which one of you is
the billionaire looking for me?
370
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,055
♪ Men.
371
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,957
I'm so sorry
about last night.
372
00:15:34,959 --> 00:15:36,309
Don't be silly.
373
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,628
I'm just glad you didn't
end up in a French prison.
374
00:15:43,018 --> 00:15:44,601
I hope you don't think
I'm a lost cause.
375
00:15:44,603 --> 00:15:46,152
No, no.
376
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,138
I do like... you know.
377
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:51,407
Glad to hear.
378
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:54,561
Don't worry, I will not stop
until I hear Paul Revere.
379
00:15:54,563 --> 00:15:56,279
I beg your pardon?
380
00:15:56,281 --> 00:15:57,330
You know, the
British are coming!
381
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:58,481
The British
are coming!
382
00:16:01,818 --> 00:16:03,369
Hello.
383
00:16:03,371 --> 00:16:05,505
Nigel, what are
you doing here?
384
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,257
I had to bring Ava back early.
385
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:08,991
Hello. Nigel Pierce.
386
00:16:08,993 --> 00:16:10,260
Walden Schmidt.
387
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,594
Nigel is my ex-husband.
388
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,796
A role I relish.
389
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,933
I need to catch
a plane to London,
390
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,601
so you'll have to have Ava
for the weekend.
391
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,169
And what if I have plans?
392
00:16:20,171 --> 00:16:22,939
Yes, I can see your plans.
393
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:27,026
Mummy, Daddy said he
can't take me to the zoo.
394
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:30,029
Oh, wonderful,
just wonderful.
395
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:32,148
Are you and Daddy
going to fight?
396
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:35,401
No. Mummy will take you
to the zoo instead of Daddy.
397
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:37,654
Brilliant, make me the bad guy.
398
00:16:37,656 --> 00:16:40,740
Oh, no one made you the bad guy,
you were born to it.
399
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,493
Uh, you know what, Ava?
400
00:16:43,495 --> 00:16:44,911
I'm a little thirsty.
401
00:16:44,913 --> 00:16:47,530
Maybe you could show me where
I could get a glass of water.
402
00:16:47,532 --> 00:16:49,198
Is it all right, Mummy?
403
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,866
Yeah. Good idea.
404
00:16:50,868 --> 00:16:52,719
Come on, then.
405
00:16:54,171 --> 00:16:57,473
They're gonna
fight now.
406
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,058
Yeah, I know.
407
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:02,145
So this is what you
prefer now, hmm?
408
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,813
Underwear models?
409
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:06,316
He happens to be a billionaire.
410
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:12,372
Yes, well, I happen to be
107th in line to the throne.
411
00:17:13,524 --> 00:17:16,058
Here's your water.
412
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:18,061
Thank you.
413
00:17:18,063 --> 00:17:21,114
You're very welcome.
414
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:24,867
Oh, whoa!
415
00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:28,221
This is the best water
I have ever had.
416
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,673
Did you make this yourself?
417
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,626
No, silly, it came
out of the fridge.
418
00:17:33,628 --> 00:17:35,628
Oh.
419
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:37,463
Well, then cheers.
420
00:17:37,465 --> 00:17:39,632
Mmm.
421
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,772
I'm a queen.
422
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:46,806
You are?
423
00:17:46,808 --> 00:17:48,808
Queen Ava.
424
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:50,727
Well, then what am I?
425
00:17:50,729 --> 00:17:53,446
I have no idea.
426
00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:58,785
Walden Schmidt, Your Majesty.
427
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,487
Pleased to meet you.
428
00:18:01,489 --> 00:18:03,956
I shall call you Sir Schmidt.
429
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,575
Oh! At your service.
430
00:18:05,577 --> 00:18:06,959
Oh!
431
00:18:08,163 --> 00:18:11,080
Oh! Oh!
432
00:18:11,082 --> 00:18:14,083
Well, you two seem
to be getting along.
433
00:18:14,085 --> 00:18:17,136
Can Sir Schmidt come
with us to the zoo?
434
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,471
Sir Schmidt?
435
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,122
Hmm. I don't know.
436
00:18:20,124 --> 00:18:21,474
Please?
437
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:23,626
He's my loyal subject.
438
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:26,262
Well, I suppose, if he wants.
439
00:18:26,264 --> 00:18:29,515
I live to do
the queen's bidding.
440
00:18:31,186 --> 00:18:33,136
All right,
go and get your jacket.
441
00:18:33,138 --> 00:18:35,688
Yay!
442
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:37,857
Sir Schmidt?
443
00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:40,993
My grandfather shortened it
from Schmidt-a-Lot.
444
00:18:45,816 --> 00:18:47,700
Oh, goodness.
445
00:18:47,702 --> 00:18:49,168
That was quite a day.
446
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:51,087
Yeah. It was fun, wasn't it?
447
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,505
It was.
448
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:53,823
Is she still sleeping?
449
00:18:53,825 --> 00:18:55,591
She's comatose.
450
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,260
Here, let me
take her.
451
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:59,128
Shh.
452
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,547
Oh, dear, you have a bit
of drool on your shoulder.
453
00:19:01,549 --> 00:19:03,132
Oh, that's not a problem.
454
00:19:03,134 --> 00:19:06,335
My housekeeper has a lot of
experience with drool stains.
455
00:19:06,337 --> 00:19:08,304
Ah. I'm gonna go
and put her down.
456
00:19:08,306 --> 00:19:09,489
Be right back.
457
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,867
Hey, Jake.
458
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,035
Really? You found Zoey.
459
00:19:26,857 --> 00:19:29,242
That's great.
460
00:19:29,244 --> 00:19:31,461
Thank you.
461
00:19:33,196 --> 00:19:36,365
Little dude's got to lay off
the brownies.
462
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,918
She's absolutely
knackered.
463
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,536
It was a long day.
464
00:19:40,538 --> 00:19:42,538
You were just
wonderful with her.
465
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:44,190
Thanks.
466
00:19:45,008 --> 00:19:47,510
Well, I guess
I better head home.
467
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,896
I think not.
468
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,314
What's happening?
469
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,431
It's very,
very simple.
470
00:19:52,433 --> 00:19:54,267
I'm going to take
you into my bedroom
471
00:19:54,269 --> 00:19:56,552
and bang you like
a snare drum.
472
00:19:58,388 --> 00:19:59,772
Yippee!
473
00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,607
♪ Men.
474
00:20:05,139 --> 00:20:06,472
♪ Men.
475
00:20:06,474 --> 00:20:07,490
Hey!
476
00:20:07,492 --> 00:20:08,825
Oh, hey.
Where you been?
477
00:20:08,827 --> 00:20:11,144
I went to the zoo with Zoey
and her little girl.
478
00:20:11,146 --> 00:20:12,996
Wow! So you finally
met the daughter.
479
00:20:12,998 --> 00:20:14,948
Yep.
Might make it tough
480
00:20:14,950 --> 00:20:16,249
if the relationship
doesn't work out.
481
00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:17,334
Why wouldn't it work out?
482
00:20:17,336 --> 00:20:18,918
Well, you know, the lack of
483
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,420
sexual chemistry
you were talking about.
484
00:20:20,422 --> 00:20:22,789
Oh, no, we're way past that.
485
00:20:22,791 --> 00:20:25,542
Oh. So she opened up
about her trust issues?
486
00:20:25,544 --> 00:20:26,676
Trust issues?
487
00:20:26,678 --> 00:20:28,995
No, zoos make her horny.
488
00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:32,215
Really? You think that's it?
489
00:20:32,217 --> 00:20:33,683
Yep.
490
00:20:33,685 --> 00:20:36,603
Next weekend, we're going to
the San Diego Wild Animal Park.
491
00:20:40,358 --> 00:20:42,008
Uh...
492
00:20:42,010 --> 00:20:43,343
hello.
493
00:20:43,345 --> 00:20:44,844
You Walden?
494
00:20:44,846 --> 00:20:46,630
Yeah.
495
00:20:46,632 --> 00:20:48,848
I Zoey.
496
00:20:53,537 --> 00:20:55,488
Ah.
497
00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,707
It's nice
to meet you.
498
00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:00,710
Well?
499
00:21:00,712 --> 00:21:02,078
Keep looking.
500
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:06,080
== sync, corrected by elderman ==32849
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