Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,107
Something happened today.
2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,400
Oh, my God, they've been shot!
3
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,759
It's Glen, he's still alive!
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,636
- Zach!
- They got me in my fat!
5
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:14,306
All of you may have heard about our little
"firearms moment" at the photo shoot,
6
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:17,226
- but the show must go on!
- Woo!
7
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,310
Got me thinking.
8
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,145
I was gonna propose, and I choked.
9
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,356
- Ronnie's bonded with Loretta.
- Who's Ronnie?
10
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,399
- She's my Finsta.
- Oh, no!
11
00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:27,402
I wanna spend whatever time
I have left with you.
12
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,796
Ugh...
13
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,948
Dudenoff? Not in Portugal. Nope.
14
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,701
He's been cashing social security checks
at a bodega on 125th Street.
15
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:36,828
This is Sazz Pataki's remains.
16
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:38,515
Gravey, that's my friend!
17
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,998
Here's her left shoulder.
18
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,376
- No, it's not.
- Yeah. See? It says "left".
19
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,170
No. This one says "left".
In Bulgarian.
20
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:46,880
There's two left shoulders?
21
00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:49,049
They just identified
the other left shoulder!
22
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,135
It belongs to Dudenoff.
Dudenoff was murdered.
23
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,806
We put hidden cameras in our
production office and in your apartments.
24
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,683
Whose camera is this?
25
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,184
"I'm watching you."
26
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,812
We're not safe in this building!
27
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,250
New York City.
28
00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:06,984
It sucks.
29
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,986
It's a crime-ridden hellhole.
30
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,833
And don't hit me with that,
"The numbers don't bear that out," shit.
31
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,076
You ever get mugged by a number?
32
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,578
- Go, go, go!
- Where are we going?!
33
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,872
Out of the city!
The killer was in our apartments,
34
00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:22,541
and filming us,
which makes him a perv, too.
35
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:26,587
Alright, alright. Putnam, get in the zone.
Gotta craft the perfect...
36
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,298
poetic breakup text.
So far, I have, "It's over,"
37
00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:31,049
exclamation point, exclamation point,
38
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,177
followed by 10 more exclamation points.
39
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,887
You're breaking up with Loretta?
40
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:38,557
I've never seen someone worse
at being in a happy relationship.
41
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,810
Mabel, I showed her my soul,
and she said, "Ugh."
42
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:44,605
So I'm ripping off the Band-Aid
and taking my heart with it.
43
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,190
N-Now, drive faster.
44
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,525
Oh well, we don't even know
where we're going!
45
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,777
We gotta find a safe house,
and it can't be a hotel
46
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,446
because credit cards can be tracked.
47
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,716
Well, what about
your sister on Long Island?
48
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,100
The one whose daughters all have D names?
49
00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,662
I can't lead a killer
to my kid sister's house!
50
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,623
I thought her husband was a cop.
51
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,334
- Hello.
- Howard? Hey, listen to me.
52
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,960
Um, don't tell anyone,
53
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:09,796
- but in case we, like, disappear...
- Uh-huh.
54
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,508
We went to Charles' sister's
in Patchogue.
55
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,134
Also, I need you to go to that bodega
56
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,678
and figure out who's been
cashing Dudenoff's checks.
57
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,889
- Okay...
- Also, this tech-savvy psycho
58
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,475
could be tracking our movements!
Turn off your phone!
59
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,061
Oh, you're right. Bye, Howard.
Oliver, turn it off.
60
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,439
Okay. Fine. Devastating text, sent.
61
00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,485
Okay, Doreen. Here we come.
62
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:35,822
Now, you want peace? Safety?
63
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:38,367
A good night's sleep because
you know your female loved ones
64
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,619
ain't gonna get punched
in the face at Gristedes?
65
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,581
Well, my friend, there's only one county
66
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,209
on God's green earth for you.
67
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,170
The county of Suffolk.
68
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,256
Strong Island, baby!
69
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,718
Of course, uh, no place is perfect.
70
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,973
I should give you a little, uh,
heads up about my sister.
71
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,934
Uh, and I don't like saying this
about my own flesh and blood,
72
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,603
but she can be, uh, very...
73
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,355
uh, spontaneous?
74
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,440
Ooh, sick burn.
75
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,076
Ah!
76
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:24,913
Well, look who finally decided
to show up for Thanksgiving.
77
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,624
Too bad it's April.
78
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,334
Come on.
79
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:32,689
I like your dolls.
80
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,525
Oh, thank you. You know,
81
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,860
the big ones are
very hard to come by now.
82
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,862
Something about the supply chain, but...
83
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,574
Yeah, I started collecting after,
uh, Dawn's wedding.
84
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:45,577
And then, when Dina
and Danielle went to DeVry,
85
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:49,122
and then Dagmar, which is
my youngest, still a baby,
86
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,166
she really just left to wound me.
87
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:55,128
So, I guess you replaced
your children with dolls, huh?
88
00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,383
Wow.
89
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:03,387
I have never made that connection.
90
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,182
You are intuitive.
91
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,977
That is much more important
in a man than height.
92
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,229
- Thank you.
- Mm.
93
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,523
I always wondered what you look like.
94
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,441
You know, I know your voice
from the podcast,
95
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,486
but sometimes, I would, uh, slow it down.
96
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,238
I'd deepen your register.
97
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,675
Then, I speed it back up, and you sound
like a little frisky chicken.
98
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:24,700
Ah...
99
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,911
Then slow it down again.
And then speed it up.
100
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,080
Then, slow it down.
101
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,207
And then, I speed it back up.
102
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,418
Where's Big Mike?
We could use a cop around here.
103
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,379
Well, I kicked him out again.
104
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,298
He's livin' on the boat in the driveway.
105
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,967
One too many nights at Can-Cans.
106
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,719
Uh,
107
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:47,181
I feel like I'm gonna regret asking this,
but what is Can-Cans?
108
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,433
It's Hooters for butts.
109
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,517
I was right.
110
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,103
This is what I married. He's a pig.
111
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,190
Just hoggin' down mozzarelly sticks,
surrounded by
112
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,859
random women's mud flaps.
113
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,736
Oh, anyway, more room for you.
114
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,654
And no murderer is ever gonna check here
115
00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:05,032
'cause they know you're not
gonna come visit your sister!
116
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,116
Hey.
117
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,745
Oh, what are you gonna do?
Inflict another permanent injury on me?
118
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:12,748
- Doreen, please.
- Oh, my God, he's so sensitive.
119
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,751
Pardon me, I'm gonna get
you some fresh towels.
120
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,514
If you're gonna stay over,
you need towels!
121
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,880
- What are you, one or two?
- One.
122
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,298
I thought so.
123
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,468
You're a two-towel guy.
I can tell that. You're gonna need it.
124
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,761
I want you dry.
125
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,598
I'm scared.
126
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:37,773
Alright, Charles,
can you catch us up on the plot of...
127
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,566
"August: Suffolk County"?
128
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,401
It's probably what you would've guessed.
129
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,779
When Doreen was 3,
I was pushing her on a swing,
130
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,781
and I pushed her too hard,
and she flew off,
131
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,699
and ended up losing her spleen.
132
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,803
I wouldn't say that was
exactly what I would've guessed.
133
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,388
- No.
- She knows I feel terrible about it,
134
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,540
and she loves spleen-shaming me.
135
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,252
- Maybe this was a mistake.
- No, no, no, no, it's quiet here,
136
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,921
so we can work on the case
and hopefully not die.
137
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:04,341
Does this gorgeous doll
remind you of anyone?
138
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,176
Braids, porcelain skin,
139
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,636
perky little set of...
140
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,346
Oliver! The case!
141
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,098
You know what? You handle it.
142
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,433
'Cause I'm exhausted
143
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,269
and freshly heartbroken.
144
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,145
Charles?
145
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,273
Mabel, I have to come up
with a security plan!
146
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,775
I need to make this place murder-proof...
147
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,902
And then give law enforcement a, uh,
148
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:25,779
tactical appraisal of the situation.
149
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:29,116
You mean talk to the butt-lover
in the driveway boat?
150
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,617
Yes.
151
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,536
Meanwhile,
152
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,872
towels. You wanted two. There you go.
153
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:36,915
One towel.
154
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,793
"Can-Cans Wet Bench Night."
155
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:42,880
Oh, Long Island, you're so... you.
156
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,854
Big Mike?
157
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:02,357
It's Charles!
158
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,573
I'm borrowing your toolbox.
159
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,034
I found you! Finally!
160
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,286
- I have left you so many messages!
- Bev?
161
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,639
It's a good thing Howard knew
where you were. So listen,
162
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:20,042
this is serious. The studio is asking
if the Brothers Sisters are the killers.
163
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,853
If they are the killers,
I have to fire them.
164
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,837
If they might be, but we can't prove it,
165
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,465
that is a gray area that I can sell.
So, what is it? Tell me.
166
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,510
It's definitely not them... I think.
167
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,930
Okay, he says they're not the killers.
He's right here.
168
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,015
He seems, like, 60% sure.
169
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,684
That sounds low?
170
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,686
Well, 50% of one margarita was enough
171
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,939
for you to flash your boobs
at the Fabelmans premiere.
172
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,275
Bev, this is an emergency safe house
situation, so I need your phone.
173
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:46,818
He did see them, Monica!
174
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:49,696
He saw 100% of both of them!
175
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,534
What? Oh, my God!
176
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:56,745
Oliver, what are you doing?
177
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,038
Mabel, not now!
178
00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,790
I'm busy with an urgent new mystery.
179
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,292
The whereabouts of Johnnie Walker.
180
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,379
Well, I'm just trying
to find a place to work
181
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,005
that isn't filled with dolls.
182
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:08,983
- Oh, my God.
- I mean, it's so creep...
183
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,401
With that little baby voice...
184
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,344
Is that Bev Melon?
185
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,304
Howard, come on!
186
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:18,350
Okay. Hey, am I to believe people
suffer a life in Patchogue sober?
187
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,854
Ah, of course not. Bar she blows.
188
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:27,776
- Hey. Okay, I'll call you back, bye.
- Bev, what are you doing here?
189
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,940
We're dead. We're all fucking dead,
190
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,907
that's what I'm doing here.
I don't fucking know.
191
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:34,300
Wh-What do you mean? What happened?
Is there someone out there?
192
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,118
No. I wish it was so simple, Mabel.
193
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:39,037
The studio is talking about
194
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,706
pulling the plug on the movie
195
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,791
because of all the "catastrophes."
196
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:44,668
I'm stressed, okay?!
197
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:47,171
I gotta figure this out! It's stressful!
I'm fucking, like,
198
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,755
losing my shit, okay?
199
00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,049
And I'm starving right now!
200
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,051
I'm so hungry. Ugh, that looks gross.
201
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:55,095
I need something substantial.
202
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:59,474
You know what? I think I saw pizza crust
on the driveway boat, I'll be right back.
203
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,936
What is my life?
204
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,195
- My apologies. I...
- Oh, no.
205
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,739
I just had a craving for a Tulsa Torpedo.
206
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,866
- Oh.
- I mean, but I see that
207
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,285
you've misplaced your
watermelon liqueur.
208
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,913
Oh, why don't I make you
one of my signature cocktails?
209
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:23,290
Okay? Lemme just...
Right behind you. If I...
210
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,043
I almost got it. Here we go.
211
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,337
I think you are going to like.
212
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:31,632
This is mostly entirely
vodka and Crystal Light.
213
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,550
You know, I call it a Sweaty Betty.
214
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,970
Named it after my dear friend,
also named Betty,
215
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:39,431
uh, who also happens to sweat like a pig.
216
00:10:39,515 --> 00:10:40,516
Uh-huh...
217
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,893
So... there we go.
218
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,979
And Crystal Light,
if you dunk anything in it,
219
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,290
- it's a great exfoliant.
- Uh...
220
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,233
- Ah.
- A long pour...
221
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,318
- Ah...
- for my short king.
222
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,695
- Well, here's to Betty.
- Oh, Betty was a whore.
223
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,030
Okay.
224
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:56,823
Mm...
225
00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:59,451
Can you believe it?
226
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:00,577
Oh my, that's...
227
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:03,121
- Mm. I know.
- Oh! Th-That is...
228
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,998
Okay...
229
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:06,625
Now...
230
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,086
I can't help but notice
you seem like something's
231
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,463
maybe bothering you. Is it Charles?
232
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,091
W-Well, no. Uh... Well,
233
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,844
usually yes, but, uh,
234
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,512
uh, this time, it's a breakup.
235
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,682
A relationship done in by my...
236
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:23,600
one tragic flaw.
237
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,185
Too handsome?
238
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,855
Well, th-there's that, but it's also...
239
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,731
I-I'm simply too...
240
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:31,692
emotionally available.
241
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,913
Actors? Now what are you doing here?
242
00:11:44,997 --> 00:11:46,975
Howard told us you would be here.
243
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:48,792
People don't keep secrets from the famous.
244
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:51,628
What are you doing here?
245
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,130
Uh, I'm hiding out from the killer.
246
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,924
Oh, so you thought,
"Hey, why don't we leave the actors
247
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:57,467
to die with a psychopath"?
248
00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,470
Pretty sure the killer
is after us, not you guys.
249
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,473
I would reconsider that.
Just a gut feeling.
250
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:04,641
Oh!
251
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,560
I escaped the hospital
to come here.
252
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,771
Well, go back to the hospital!
And for you guys,
253
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:12,232
I need some quiet to work
on the case, okay?
254
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:15,086
- I'm sure there's lovely local hotels.
- No, no, no, no.
255
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:18,322
You are contractually responsible
for our safety, so we're staying.
256
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,700
Fine! Then pick a doll, amuse yourselves,
257
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,368
and give me your phones.
258
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,873
I mean...
259
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:31,168
I thought that I wanted
a creative counterpart.
260
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,252
Yeah. Yeah.
261
00:12:32,336 --> 00:12:35,422
A Verdon to my Fosse.
A Fleetwood to my Mac.
262
00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:36,507
Oh.
263
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,468
Maybe what I really want...
264
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,388
is just someone I can hold
265
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:45,474
and adore, you know?
266
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,267
Like a doll.
267
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,186
- Sure. Sure, like a doll.
- Like a doll.
268
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,022
How'd you meet your husband?
269
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,858
You know what, this is...
Shouldn't be here.
270
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,612
Well,
271
00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,031
you know, it was actually...
272
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:04,618
a pretty classic meet-cute. It was...
273
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,997
inside the port-a-potty
at Jones Beach.
274
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,853
Someone should get that
275
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,170
before we have to hear it again.
276
00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:16,964
Alright. Ooh, I'm like a turtle.
277
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,847
- Gimme a little help. There we go.
- Oh, lemme help you. There you go.
278
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,594
Okay. Okay.
279
00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:26,056
Oh, Mr. Putnam!
280
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:28,433
Hello...
281
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,745
Oh. Let yourself in.
282
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:31,979
What on earth?
283
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,772
Hi.
284
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:37,234
I j... I just got caught in
her macramé duster.
285
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,279
Oh, is that what the kids
are calling it now?
286
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,739
This one. What a tease, huh?
287
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,452
Loretta, how did you find out...
288
00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:50,247
Howard! Of course, it was Howard.
289
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:54,126
I called repeatedly,
straight to voicemail every time.
290
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:56,837
So, I got on a six-hour flight,
291
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:57,921
middle seat,
292
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,257
just so I could ask you
why you thought you could...
293
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,094
break up with me over text.
294
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:05,679
Uh... Loretta...
295
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:07,681
what are you talking about?
296
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,933
I poured my heart out to you
297
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,561
on the phone, and you went, "Ugh."
298
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:13,770
When did this happen?
299
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,294
- Yesterday. Yes...
- No, you didn't.
300
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,358
A-A day that will live in ugh-famy.
301
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,695
What time was it?
302
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,155
I don't know, lunch?
303
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,908
- Devastation o'clock.
- Your lunch or my lunch?
304
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:28,785
I-It was your lunch, my second Cosmo.
305
00:14:31,455 --> 00:14:34,917
Oh!
306
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,295
Oh, I-I love that my pain
is so amusing to you.
307
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,714
That is just so appreciated.
308
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,300
No! Oh, Oliver.
309
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,928
I think you talked to my stand-in.
310
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,596
- What? Sorry, what?
- Yeah.
311
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,682
Because I'm wrapped in gauze,
and my stand-in is wrapped in gauze,
312
00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:53,519
so I think the-the PA gave my cellphone
313
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,855
to the wrong burn victim.
314
00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:03,237
- I mean... No, no.
- So, that wasn't you?
315
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,740
I don't think you're ugh.
316
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,700
I think you're...
317
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,288
What I can say other than...
318
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,794
Oh, Olly!
319
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:22,840
- Oh, I missed you. I missed you.
- I missed you. I missed you, too.
320
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:26,927
- So... Doreen.
- Oh.
321
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:31,223
Doreen?
Well, Doreen is Charles' sister.
322
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,808
Is she someone...
323
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,227
that I should be worried about?
324
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,063
Everyone should be worried about Doreen.
325
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,859
Careful, Upchuck!
326
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:45,696
Oh, you need me to help you nail
your fingers to the house, huh?
327
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,049
These windows won't lock,
so I'm trying to nail them shut.
328
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,753
Just trying to keep
everybody in one piece.
329
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:52,494
Well, it's a little late
to keep me in one piece.
330
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:56,832
I asked the doctor
if I could give you my spleen,
331
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,750
and he said it wasn't necessary
332
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,544
because spleens aren't necessary.
333
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,547
Oh, come on. I was just razzin' you.
334
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,507
I don't even remember the accident!
335
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,511
You know what I remember?
One of my...
336
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,680
probably fondest memories is...
337
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:14,183
God, I must've been, what, 5?
338
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,269
Mom was taking me
339
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,354
to see my big brother...
340
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,273
In one of his first plays.
341
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,567
You were so good.
342
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,154
You were always meant to be
Mr. Hollywood someday, huh?
343
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,660
Are you even listening to me?!
344
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,955
I'm sorry. I just can't
have a conversation right now.
345
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,999
Everyone I know is either
dead or in danger
346
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,501
because of me and my stupid podcast,
347
00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:45,380
so I have to keep my attention
focused on these nails!
348
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:48,800
Why are you always mad at me?!
349
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,428
I'm not mad at you.
350
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,472
Wait, wait, wait, are you...
Are you crying?
351
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,015
Oh, please don't cry.
352
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:56,517
I can cry if I want to!
353
00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,437
Just because you,
Mr. No-Emotion-Robot-Man, doesn't!
354
00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:02,231
I-I control myself.
355
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:05,275
Oh, wh-what's that?
Implying that I'm crazy?!
356
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,985
- I didn't say that.
- Don't deny it.
357
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,421
- Well, I didn't say that.
- Don't!
358
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,530
I said don't!
359
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:12,449
Don't deny it! Not do deny it!
I said don't deny it!
360
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:15,244
TikTok calls it gaslighting.
361
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:17,871
And you're full of gas,
and it's an epidemic!
362
00:17:17,955 --> 00:17:20,249
Every man in my life
thinks that because I have
363
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:23,961
just actual and real emotions
that I'm crazy!
364
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,588
But, you know what? There's a little man,
365
00:17:26,672 --> 00:17:29,341
a tiny, little man downstairs right now
366
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:33,262
who appreciates a woman with
a nice, big set of emotions.
367
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,684
And be gentle with Jill! She's Victorian.
368
00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:44,523
We're bored.
369
00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:47,693
- Whatcha doing? Checking out the semen?
- What?
370
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,778
Where there's murder, there's semen.
CSI 101.
371
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,614
We can help, you know.
We're not children.
372
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:55,701
And can you open this snick-snack?
My assistant's not here.
373
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:58,120
Okay, I need to work on the case.
374
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:00,956
So, um, could you actors maybe run lines
375
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,667
or do Ozempic,
whatever you guys do?
376
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,978
Don't wanna interrupt you.
377
00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:08,297
Just need a little nibble.
378
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:12,301
Eugene?
379
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,678
It's me! Loretta.
380
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,971
Loretta...?
381
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,890
Loretta Durkin.
382
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:21,685
We did summer stock together.
Saskatoon '82.
383
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,770
Um...
384
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:27,941
We did that stage adaptation
of James Bond's Moonraker.
385
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:30,777
I mean, I'm trying to place the face,
but, uh,
386
00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:32,487
I'm coming up empty.
387
00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:35,115
I was Lieutenant Holly Goodhead.
388
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:36,700
That was my...
389
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,369
Zach!
390
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,955
I adored you in Baskets.
391
00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:43,916
Why, thank you very...
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
392
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:47,878
Sorry, I have a hole inside of me.
393
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,464
Um, nobody's complimented me yet, so...
394
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,635
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Yeah, sure.
395
00:18:57,513 --> 00:19:00,599
Hey, I'm sorry, it's just the actors
wanna help with the case.
396
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:01,683
- Yeah.
- Um,
397
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:04,579
do you think you can take them out to play
or distract them with your keys?
398
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:08,106
Okay, but I think
you're making a big mistake.
399
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,484
Actors are investigators, you know.
400
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,194
Of the human condition.
401
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,655
LA did this to you in two weeks?
402
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:18,575
Just let them in. Come on.
403
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,870
You never know, it might help.
404
00:19:21,954 --> 00:19:23,789
Bev!
405
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,124
Bev! Okay... Thank God!
406
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,626
I'm gonna need you
407
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,128
to entertain some movie actors.
408
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,892
- You're a sweetie.
- Thanks.
409
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,883
I would love to hang with actors!
410
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:37,636
Where are the "actors"?
411
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:41,139
Actors, all sitting together,
talking about their craft!
412
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:43,016
Hey, actors!
413
00:19:43,809 --> 00:19:45,269
Fuck you!
414
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:48,063
Can I, um...
You want some drink of water?
415
00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,398
Okay, Mom.
416
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:50,732
Fuck you, TV actor.
417
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:52,776
You know my work?
418
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,529
"Work"? Let me sum up
the quality of your
419
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,031
"acting ability" in one word.
420
00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:01,660
Oh.
421
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:05,247
I'm sick of this bullshit studio,
and the script
422
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:08,834
with its bullshit plot holes,
and all you self-centered actors,
423
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,669
memorizing your lines,
424
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,630
and your little baby set slippers,
425
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:15,841
eating your special actor's food.
426
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:19,178
I was shot! And I bet it's infected!
I am weeping fluid here!
427
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,014
Oh, my God, Zach, cut it out!
428
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:23,724
All you do is complain.
429
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,726
"I'm a self-centered Greek Smurf," and,
430
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:29,521
"I-I got hit by a sniper,
and now I have a boo-boo!"
431
00:20:29,605 --> 00:20:31,857
I can't take it anymore, bro!
432
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:36,361
I'm done with Hollywood!
433
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:37,988
- Middle child.
- Single mom.
434
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,073
Low thyroid. No, high. High thyroid.
435
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:41,658
Three for three, fuckers!
436
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,577
See?
437
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,454
Detectives.
438
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:49,541
Okay, fine.
439
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:52,586
Actors, let's talk case.
440
00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:56,840
Come on, man.
441
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,759
Look, I just need to see
442
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:01,720
who is cashing my close
personal friend's checks.
443
00:21:04,223 --> 00:21:06,642
- No.
- I'm, sorry. I don't know why I did that.
444
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,661
Please! Please, let me just
have a look at that ledger.
445
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,395
Sorry, it's against our policy.
446
00:21:10,479 --> 00:21:13,398
You're a bodega.
You barely have a hand-washing policy.
447
00:21:21,907 --> 00:21:23,158
Oh.
448
00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:27,996
You trained a cat to guard your store?
449
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,082
Sí. Gazpacho's tough.
450
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,251
Well, how would you like
for him to be a guest
451
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:35,587
on the soon-to-be number one
animal labor podcast in the country?
452
00:21:38,757 --> 00:21:41,009
Dudenoff!
453
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:47,933
Another Dudenoff.
454
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:49,560
These signatures don't match at all.
455
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:55,315
Mabel, pick up, pick up,
pick up, oh, my God.
456
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:59,319
It all happened the night that Sazz died.
457
00:21:59,403 --> 00:22:03,365
Then the killer texted us,
"I'm watching you," so we came here.
458
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:05,617
There. Now, you know everything we know.
459
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:08,471
- Okay, great, we'll take it from here.
- Oh yeah, you think you got this?
460
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,831
Mabel, you really have no idea
461
00:22:10,914 --> 00:22:14,835
about the breadth of our skill set here.
462
00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:17,462
Only 3% of our time is devoted
463
00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:19,464
to the actual job.
464
00:22:19,548 --> 00:22:22,384
The rest is spent developing talents
465
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:26,471
that would be helpful in
a character's backstory, like, uh...
466
00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:33,270
I don't really
cotton to Northern types, y'hear?
467
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,433
You know, dialects.
468
00:22:35,105 --> 00:22:37,024
I can skin a deer.
Somebody get me a deer.
469
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,358
I can do card tricks.
470
00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:43,405
You guys are all such treasures,
471
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:45,449
and I cannot wait to hear
what you come up with,
472
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,159
so, um, pick a room.
473
00:22:47,242 --> 00:22:48,869
I'll be in a different one.
474
00:22:52,664 --> 00:22:55,209
Ooh, welcome back, my little...
475
00:22:56,543 --> 00:22:57,878
What?
476
00:22:57,961 --> 00:22:59,296
Surprise!
477
00:22:59,755 --> 00:23:01,673
See what I'm trying out?
478
00:23:01,757 --> 00:23:04,134
To extend our time together a little bit?
479
00:23:04,218 --> 00:23:06,220
See? 'Cause look what I found.
480
00:23:06,303 --> 00:23:07,930
The watermelon liqueur!
481
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:10,390
Oh, thanks, but I-I'm good.
482
00:23:10,474 --> 00:23:12,184
And I think that's A.1. Sauce.
483
00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:14,603
Oh. Either way.
484
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,021
Oh.
485
00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:18,023
Didn't meant to interrupt.
486
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:19,483
Loretta, please, interrupt.
487
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:21,527
Uh, Doreen, uh, if you can...
488
00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:22,861
Yes.
489
00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:25,030
So, we have a long-distance relationship,
490
00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:28,075
so every second together is precious.
491
00:23:28,158 --> 00:23:29,826
Oh. Oh.
492
00:23:30,327 --> 00:23:33,705
Okay, so we're... we're best buds
until Heidi...
493
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:37,751
shows up, and then what am I?
I'm dog meat?
494
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:41,588
You know, I'm just tired of
everybody jerkin' me around!
495
00:23:41,672 --> 00:23:43,882
Nobody's jerking anybody around.
496
00:23:43,966 --> 00:23:45,926
Yeah, I think
people are jerking!
497
00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:48,011
- Ow!
- Doreen!
498
00:23:48,679 --> 00:23:50,389
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
499
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:53,809
I-I'm being rejected by my husband.
I'm being rejected by your boyfriend.
500
00:23:53,892 --> 00:23:55,686
My own brother doesn't wanna talk to me!
501
00:23:55,769 --> 00:23:57,312
I'm...
502
00:23:58,063 --> 00:23:59,773
I put hands on you!
503
00:23:59,857 --> 00:24:01,567
Aw...
504
00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:03,569
- Poor thing.
- Oof.
505
00:24:03,652 --> 00:24:05,404
But you can't blame her
506
00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:08,574
for being attracted to Oliver Putnam.
You are a magnet.
507
00:24:08,657 --> 00:24:10,325
- Well...
- Thanks.
508
00:24:12,703 --> 00:24:14,705
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm...
509
00:24:15,289 --> 00:24:16,790
Okay.
510
00:24:19,918 --> 00:24:22,337
- Hey. Uh...
- Here we are at the piano again.
511
00:24:22,421 --> 00:24:25,174
I'm just, I'm a little bit jealous
512
00:24:25,257 --> 00:24:28,343
of whatever it was you said
to my stand-in yesterday.
513
00:24:29,678 --> 00:24:31,096
On the phone.
514
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,390
Oh, it was just... I just...
515
00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:36,351
I think you had to be there.
516
00:24:36,435 --> 00:24:38,937
Yeah. But, what'd you say?
517
00:24:39,771 --> 00:24:41,398
Well, I-I just, uh...
518
00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:44,318
I just said that when
we were at that party in LA,
519
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:46,171
- you know, in that strange fire pit...
- Ah, yeah.
520
00:24:46,195 --> 00:24:48,488
That, uh, I almost...
521
00:24:48,572 --> 00:24:50,157
Proposed to you.
522
00:24:51,742 --> 00:24:53,368
You wh... You what?
523
00:24:53,452 --> 00:24:55,212
Well, it was just a
spur-of-the-moment thing.
524
00:24:55,287 --> 00:24:57,331
You know, I mean, you were going to LA,
525
00:24:57,414 --> 00:25:00,626
- a-and I was afraid of losing you.
- Oh, yeah.
526
00:25:00,709 --> 00:25:03,045
No, no, I-I don't mean I don't want to.
527
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:05,714
Loretta, I adore you. I've been...
528
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:09,259
spinning out of control
trying to stay close to you.
529
00:25:09,343 --> 00:25:11,553
I mean, really I...
530
00:25:11,637 --> 00:25:15,349
I even invented
a crafty heartland Insta-grammy
531
00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:17,476
j-just to see what you were up to.
532
00:25:18,352 --> 00:25:19,353
A what?
533
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,436
"The only way to be yourself
534
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,982
is to find yourself, yourself."
535
00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:26,193
Oh, my God, you're Ronnie?
536
00:25:27,277 --> 00:25:30,822
- Yeah. I...
- Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
537
00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:32,407
I connected with Ronnie.
538
00:25:32,491 --> 00:25:34,451
I-I-I...
539
00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:38,455
took screenshots of her memes. I-I...
540
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,624
I told her things.
541
00:25:40,707 --> 00:25:42,793
- And she appreciated all of them. She...
- Oh.
542
00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:46,588
So, you, what, you stalked me,
and then you tricked me,
543
00:25:46,672 --> 00:25:49,383
and then you...
were going to propose to me,
544
00:25:49,466 --> 00:25:51,176
but only because you were scared,
545
00:25:51,260 --> 00:25:53,762
and then you broke up with me over text?
546
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:57,975
Well, when you list them
all in a row like that...
547
00:25:58,058 --> 00:25:59,726
I need a minute.
548
00:26:00,644 --> 00:26:02,145
Loretta! I...
549
00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:09,528
Fuck.
550
00:26:16,451 --> 00:26:18,453
Oh, goddammit.
551
00:26:25,794 --> 00:26:26,795
Hello.
552
00:26:28,338 --> 00:26:29,339
Uh...
553
00:26:30,257 --> 00:26:33,760
I should... No,
I-I want to apologize.
554
00:26:35,095 --> 00:26:37,014
I was outta line before.
555
00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:39,141
Crystal Light got on top of me.
556
00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:41,602
Yeah, well,
557
00:26:41,685 --> 00:26:44,021
We all have our moments.
558
00:26:44,396 --> 00:26:46,773
S-So, um...
559
00:26:48,233 --> 00:26:51,612
seems like things aren't going too well
for you and your little man.
560
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:55,574
I think my little man...
561
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:57,159
might be crazy.
562
00:26:58,285 --> 00:27:01,288
Okay, what is it with everybody
thinking that anyone
563
00:27:01,371 --> 00:27:03,373
who feels is crazy?
564
00:27:03,457 --> 00:27:05,751
I mean, maybe,
maybe he's not crazy.
565
00:27:05,834 --> 00:27:07,628
M-Maybe he's just emotional!
566
00:27:07,711 --> 00:27:09,772
You know, and isn't that
better than not feeling enough?
567
00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:11,632
I mean, his heart is an open book!
568
00:27:11,715 --> 00:27:14,510
Yeah, maybe you're right.
569
00:27:14,593 --> 00:27:17,930
- Maybe you're right.
- Maybe, huh?
570
00:27:18,013 --> 00:27:20,974
What do I know, maybe.
Or maybe I'm just a stupid idiot!
571
00:27:21,058 --> 00:27:22,518
Calm down now.
572
00:27:22,601 --> 00:27:24,520
Okay, don't tell me to calm down.
573
00:27:24,603 --> 00:27:26,522
Okay, why don't you go
back to Beverly Hills?!
574
00:27:26,605 --> 00:27:28,315
Whoa!
575
00:27:28,398 --> 00:27:31,151
Listen, I rent a studio in Burbank.
576
00:27:31,235 --> 00:27:32,861
You know, it's under a Whole Foods.
577
00:27:32,945 --> 00:27:35,948
I don't need you throwing
your rich bitch shit in my face.
578
00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:38,033
You need to calm down, really.
579
00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:39,409
You need to get out of my house,
580
00:27:39,493 --> 00:27:41,578
you Hollywood hussy!
581
00:27:42,955 --> 00:27:44,456
What is this? What is...
582
00:27:44,540 --> 00:27:46,625
- Get... Stop resisting!
- Whoa!
583
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,127
Stay away from me!
No, what are you doing to me?!
584
00:27:49,211 --> 00:27:50,814
I don't know why you're
eatin' your braids!
585
00:27:50,838 --> 00:27:52,589
- Oh, my God!
- Why you eatin' 'em?
586
00:27:52,673 --> 00:27:55,217
Why you eatin' your braids, huh? Oh!
587
00:27:55,300 --> 00:27:57,219
She was in Moonraker.
588
00:27:57,302 --> 00:27:58,595
My pacemaker.
589
00:27:58,679 --> 00:27:59,763
My pacemaker!
590
00:27:59,847 --> 00:28:01,658
- My pacemaker.
- I didn't know you had a pacemaker.
591
00:28:01,682 --> 00:28:03,559
Oh, my God. Oh.
592
00:28:03,642 --> 00:28:05,269
Oh, my God, I didn't know!
593
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:08,021
I didn't know.
594
00:28:09,565 --> 00:28:12,651
I was acting.
595
00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:14,374
- Not very good.
- And I took stage combat
596
00:28:14,444 --> 00:28:15,821
with Sensei Brian.
597
00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:17,489
Ha!
598
00:28:17,573 --> 00:28:20,033
Oh, my tooth!
599
00:28:20,117 --> 00:28:21,618
I should stop this!
600
00:28:21,702 --> 00:28:23,662
Who wears a train in their own house?
601
00:28:23,745 --> 00:28:25,505
- Oh God!
- No, no, no, I shouldn't!
602
00:28:28,166 --> 00:28:30,794
- Come here, baby! Ah!
- My God!
603
00:28:30,878 --> 00:28:33,005
What was in that Crystal Light?
Bath salts?
604
00:28:34,423 --> 00:28:35,465
Hey, Doreen!
605
00:28:35,549 --> 00:28:37,235
- Get her off me!
- You gotta bridge!
606
00:28:37,259 --> 00:28:39,362
You're gonna have to get your hand
in there for a choke hold.
607
00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:40,780
Bridge! Come on, kill!
608
00:28:40,804 --> 00:28:42,407
Whoa, whoa, easy, ladies!
609
00:28:42,431 --> 00:28:43,432
Get off me! Get off me!
610
00:28:43,515 --> 00:28:45,451
No need to fight over me
like Loni Anderson and Charo!
611
00:28:45,475 --> 00:28:48,395
- Get off me!
- Ow!
612
00:28:48,478 --> 00:28:50,118
Who's the chocolate Swiss Miss...
613
00:28:50,189 --> 00:28:52,357
- Get away, you bitch!
- Are you sorry?
614
00:28:52,441 --> 00:28:54,484
I'm sorry you're on me!
615
00:28:56,653 --> 00:28:57,946
I'm sorry, too.
616
00:29:03,702 --> 00:29:06,538
Hey. You know, Doreen, uh...
617
00:29:06,622 --> 00:29:08,081
I'm a little worried about you.
618
00:29:08,165 --> 00:29:09,374
- Is that alright?
- Yeah.
619
00:29:09,458 --> 00:29:11,752
I mean, your husband
lives in the driveway,
620
00:29:11,835 --> 00:29:13,962
and you're fighting with a TV actress,
621
00:29:14,046 --> 00:29:16,632
and you're, you're stuck
on this thing I did
622
00:29:16,715 --> 00:29:18,091
when you were a toddler.
623
00:29:18,175 --> 00:29:20,344
Oh, my God, fuck the spleen.
624
00:29:20,427 --> 00:29:22,095
Come on, I make jokes about it
625
00:29:22,179 --> 00:29:24,389
because it's not a big deal.
626
00:29:25,224 --> 00:29:27,267
It's not funny to me.
627
00:29:27,351 --> 00:29:30,729
I mean, y-you were so little,
and I was... I was 19.
628
00:29:31,730 --> 00:29:33,398
And that day at the hospital,
629
00:29:33,482 --> 00:29:37,528
Mom wouldn't stop screaming at me.
She never forgave me.
630
00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:40,697
She was bonkers, and y-you know that.
631
00:29:44,034 --> 00:29:46,537
Do you know why I remember
going to see your play?
632
00:29:48,372 --> 00:29:51,416
Because Mom held my hand
when we walked in.
633
00:29:55,504 --> 00:29:57,005
She held your hand?
634
00:29:58,423 --> 00:30:00,425
- Wow.
- I know.
635
00:30:03,095 --> 00:30:05,597
I don't think she had ever done it before.
636
00:30:06,557 --> 00:30:08,559
And I don't ever remember her
doing it again.
637
00:30:10,644 --> 00:30:12,646
God, she was so distant.
638
00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:16,316
And then, she was gone.
639
00:30:17,526 --> 00:30:19,319
And you were gone, too.
640
00:30:20,112 --> 00:30:21,613
Now, I'm this.
641
00:30:22,823 --> 00:30:24,741
- I visit.
- Every now and then,
642
00:30:24,825 --> 00:30:28,078
but you're never really here, you know?
643
00:30:28,161 --> 00:30:31,164
Then, I heard your podcast and...
644
00:30:31,248 --> 00:30:32,958
heard you yucking it up with all...
645
00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:35,335
all your friends.
646
00:30:35,919 --> 00:30:38,380
The podcast is about
our neighbors being murdered.
647
00:30:38,463 --> 00:30:40,465
Yeah, but you made it sound cozy.
648
00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:44,428
Somehow, it made me...
649
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:47,097
feel even lonelier.
650
00:30:47,181 --> 00:30:48,682
Oh, God.
651
00:30:48,765 --> 00:30:50,767
I'm a needy mess.
652
00:30:52,644 --> 00:30:54,479
Well, I'm-I'm an uptight mess.
653
00:30:55,189 --> 00:30:58,567
- Can we just blame Mom?
- Well, she's dead.
654
00:30:58,650 --> 00:31:00,736
It can't hurt.
655
00:31:05,449 --> 00:31:07,201
I think about you a lot.
656
00:31:08,035 --> 00:31:11,330
And I'd like to be better about
staying in touch, if it's not too late.
657
00:31:12,831 --> 00:31:15,876
I would like that.
I'd like that a lot.
658
00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:18,378
I would, too.
659
00:31:18,754 --> 00:31:21,381
Great news, everybody! Ah!
660
00:31:21,465 --> 00:31:24,635
I just had the best nap.
I feel so good.
661
00:31:24,718 --> 00:31:27,804
Everything is so crystal clear to me now.
662
00:31:27,888 --> 00:31:29,389
You know, yelling at those actors
663
00:31:29,473 --> 00:31:33,018
reminded me of why I got into
this business into the first place.
664
00:31:33,101 --> 00:31:34,645
It's because no matter what,
665
00:31:34,728 --> 00:31:38,398
I care so much! I realized it.
666
00:31:38,482 --> 00:31:40,400
Movies are my passion!
667
00:31:40,484 --> 00:31:43,237
And I yelled all of that
at the head of the studio
668
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,280
in my room for two hours,
so guess what,
669
00:31:45,364 --> 00:31:46,740
Charles and leopard lady?
670
00:31:46,823 --> 00:31:49,284
The movie is now
671
00:31:49,368 --> 00:31:50,744
full speed ahead!
672
00:31:50,827 --> 00:31:51,954
Can you believe it?
673
00:31:52,037 --> 00:31:53,372
Back to business.
674
00:31:54,706 --> 00:31:56,124
Hollywood!
675
00:31:56,833 --> 00:31:58,377
Who is that fuckin' woman?
676
00:32:05,300 --> 00:32:08,387
Well, the car comes in a few minutes.
677
00:32:08,470 --> 00:32:10,472
So, to recap,
678
00:32:11,849 --> 00:32:14,768
I fought a woman, and I won.
679
00:32:16,353 --> 00:32:19,356
Also, I discovered you may be crazy.
680
00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:21,650
I-If I'm being honest,
681
00:32:23,277 --> 00:32:25,779
I haven't been in a relationship,
682
00:32:25,863 --> 00:32:27,865
a real one, for a decade.
683
00:32:28,782 --> 00:32:29,867
Maybe two.
684
00:32:31,034 --> 00:32:32,536
So...
685
00:32:33,704 --> 00:32:36,206
when I met you, I-I just...
686
00:32:37,791 --> 00:32:40,419
lost my cool.
687
00:32:40,502 --> 00:32:42,629
And I may never get it back.
688
00:32:43,297 --> 00:32:45,299
But, if, if...
689
00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:47,676
if you can't handle that...
690
00:32:49,052 --> 00:32:51,638
flavor of crazy, no one would blame you.
691
00:32:52,389 --> 00:32:53,390
S...
692
00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:56,977
So, if-if you wanna run, run.
693
00:33:00,272 --> 00:33:01,773
You don't have to sprint.
694
00:33:05,944 --> 00:33:09,823
Oliver, from the moment
I met you, I knew,
695
00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:13,869
deep in my heart,
that you were a lunatic.
696
00:33:13,952 --> 00:33:15,954
You must have, by my count,
697
00:33:16,038 --> 00:33:18,415
six different stories about
698
00:33:18,498 --> 00:33:20,918
running into Linda Carter
at grocery stores.
699
00:33:21,001 --> 00:33:23,712
Wonder Woman and a wonderful lady.
700
00:33:23,795 --> 00:33:26,423
Well, t-to the, to the point,
701
00:33:26,507 --> 00:33:29,927
Despite your obvious pathologies,
702
00:33:30,010 --> 00:33:31,845
I'm here still.
703
00:33:31,929 --> 00:33:34,056
And I'm not going anywhere.
704
00:33:34,139 --> 00:33:36,850
And I sign on to your crazy...
705
00:33:38,060 --> 00:33:39,561
for a lifetime.
706
00:33:44,316 --> 00:33:47,319
You're... giving me a doll's bracelet?
707
00:33:49,863 --> 00:33:52,866
I'm proposing to you, Oliver.
708
00:33:52,950 --> 00:33:55,035
I wanna marry you.
709
00:33:58,121 --> 00:34:00,040
Well, before I accept,
710
00:34:00,123 --> 00:34:01,917
just out of curiosity,
711
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,044
is there any family money?
712
00:34:09,466 --> 00:34:11,093
- I accept.
- Oh...
713
00:34:13,887 --> 00:34:15,389
Wake up!
714
00:34:16,181 --> 00:34:18,225
Rise and shine!
715
00:34:19,810 --> 00:34:22,646
I gotta sleep! I have a hangover!
716
00:34:22,729 --> 00:34:25,232
Shut the fuck up!
717
00:34:25,315 --> 00:34:26,692
Thank you.
718
00:34:26,775 --> 00:34:28,652
- Case closed!
- Oh, my God!
719
00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:30,571
Okay, wh-what's going on?
720
00:34:30,654 --> 00:34:32,197
Let me direct your attention
721
00:34:32,281 --> 00:34:33,866
to the Murder Wall!
722
00:34:33,949 --> 00:34:36,201
Which is like your murder board,
but bigger,
723
00:34:36,285 --> 00:34:37,661
therefore, ours is better.
724
00:34:37,744 --> 00:34:39,663
For starters, w-we agree with you.
725
00:34:39,746 --> 00:34:42,332
Whosever cashing Dudenoff's
checks is after you.
726
00:34:42,416 --> 00:34:44,084
But, looking back,
727
00:34:44,167 --> 00:34:46,670
- we believe that this mystery...
- Mm-hmm.
728
00:34:46,753 --> 00:34:48,213
Did not start with Sazz's murder.
729
00:34:48,297 --> 00:34:50,674
- No.
- No. It all goes back to season one,
730
00:34:50,757 --> 00:34:53,260
which, by the way, has more holes
731
00:34:53,343 --> 00:34:54,904
than Zach Galifianakis.
732
00:34:54,928 --> 00:34:57,389
I mean, th-they're all over the script!
733
00:34:57,472 --> 00:35:00,100
For instance, uh... yeah,
who poisoned Winnie?
734
00:35:00,184 --> 00:35:02,424
You thought it was Sting.
You know what, it wasn't Sting,
735
00:35:02,477 --> 00:35:03,937
and then, you just dropped it.
736
00:35:04,021 --> 00:35:05,606
Winnie?
737
00:35:06,481 --> 00:35:09,193
Oh, my God. Who would do this to you?
738
00:35:09,276 --> 00:35:10,694
I assumed it was Jan.
739
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:13,155
Wrong! Look at the note on your door.
740
00:35:16,283 --> 00:35:18,535
"End the podcast or I will end you."
See the smudge mark?
741
00:35:18,619 --> 00:35:20,370
That was written by a left-handed person.
742
00:35:20,454 --> 00:35:21,705
How could you know that?
743
00:35:21,788 --> 00:35:24,541
Because I studied handwriting
when I played Mark Antonio
744
00:35:24,625 --> 00:35:27,252
in the un-produced pilot
The Calligrapher's Wife.
745
00:35:27,336 --> 00:35:29,087
And Jan was not left-handed.
746
00:35:29,171 --> 00:35:31,256
- No.
- Look at the way she holds her bassoon.
747
00:35:32,799 --> 00:35:35,344
I shadowed the Boston Pops
when I was preparing
748
00:35:35,427 --> 00:35:37,262
for Symphony Chimp.
749
00:35:37,679 --> 00:35:39,473
Plot hole number two.
750
00:35:39,556 --> 00:35:41,767
The note on Jan's door.
751
00:35:43,435 --> 00:35:44,728
"I'm watching you."
752
00:35:45,229 --> 00:35:47,648
Just like the text message.
753
00:35:49,191 --> 00:35:52,319
- It's the...
- Same person. Very good, Mabel.
754
00:35:52,402 --> 00:35:55,781
Your murderer has been
after you since season one.
755
00:35:59,284 --> 00:36:01,787
And Sazz knew all of that.
756
00:36:02,579 --> 00:36:05,082
Think back to her apartment! Uh...
757
00:36:05,165 --> 00:36:06,875
"Sick pup." That's Winnie!
758
00:36:08,085 --> 00:36:11,088
"Door note."
That's the note on Jan's door.
759
00:36:11,171 --> 00:36:14,633
Sazz figured this all out.
Maybe that's what she wanted to tell me.
760
00:36:14,716 --> 00:36:17,010
Wow, I...
761
00:36:17,094 --> 00:36:20,389
I stand corrected. I guess I should've
brought you guys in sooner.
762
00:36:20,472 --> 00:36:23,559
Thank you. Actors, one.
Real-life dipshits, zero.
763
00:36:23,642 --> 00:36:25,853
Yes. Idiots.
764
00:36:30,524 --> 00:36:32,276
Why are you smiling?
765
00:36:33,485 --> 00:36:36,947
Oh, I-I know it's not the right time,
but, uh...
766
00:36:38,198 --> 00:36:41,285
this bitch is gettin' married.
767
00:36:45,497 --> 00:36:46,999
You know, not for nothin',
768
00:36:47,082 --> 00:36:49,459
the truth is
you can never be totally safe.
769
00:36:50,043 --> 00:36:54,214
The best you can do is find
some people who love you,
770
00:36:54,298 --> 00:36:57,926
who'll share a bottle of red,
a bottle of white...
771
00:36:58,010 --> 00:36:59,404
Well, okay, this is not a competition.
772
00:36:59,428 --> 00:37:02,472
Hey hey! Look at this!
Gang's all here, huh?
773
00:37:02,556 --> 00:37:04,141
Hey, Big Mike.
774
00:37:06,101 --> 00:37:07,895
How was brunch at Can-Cans?
775
00:37:07,978 --> 00:37:09,813
Oh, come on, babe. I just go there
776
00:37:09,897 --> 00:37:12,816
'cause they give cops the dinner menu
at lunch prices.
777
00:37:13,650 --> 00:37:15,777
You know I'm not an ass guy.
778
00:37:15,861 --> 00:37:17,154
I'm a you guy.
779
00:37:19,448 --> 00:37:22,075
You have permission to board,
and I don't mean the boat.
780
00:37:22,159 --> 00:37:24,077
Mm!
781
00:37:24,161 --> 00:37:25,430
Oh!
782
00:37:25,454 --> 00:37:27,664
- Captain Jack will get you high tonight.
- Oh!
783
00:37:31,084 --> 00:37:32,878
Ooh!
784
00:37:32,961 --> 00:37:35,255
- That's good stuff.
- Oh, hey, Chuckie,
785
00:37:35,339 --> 00:37:37,466
uh, your friend Howard's
trying to reach you all.
786
00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:39,593
Somehow, he got my number.
787
00:37:39,676 --> 00:37:42,054
He says he knows who killed Dudenoff.
788
00:37:42,137 --> 00:37:44,139
Yeah, yeah, I wrote it down,
so I'd get it right.
789
00:37:44,223 --> 00:37:47,059
He wanted me to tell you, uh,
790
00:37:47,142 --> 00:37:49,853
it wasn't just one person
cashing his checks.
791
00:37:49,937 --> 00:37:53,023
He found five different signatures
with one phone number.
792
00:37:53,106 --> 00:37:54,816
Go forward. Pause.
793
00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:57,027
Go forward, go forward.
794
00:37:59,238 --> 00:38:00,489
Go forward.
795
00:38:01,365 --> 00:38:03,009
Pause right there.
796
00:38:03,033 --> 00:38:04,034
Inez.
797
00:38:04,117 --> 00:38:05,452
Fast forward.
798
00:38:05,744 --> 00:38:08,205
Oh, my God.
799
00:38:08,288 --> 00:38:10,040
Go forward, go forward again.
800
00:38:11,625 --> 00:38:13,085
Rudy?
801
00:38:13,168 --> 00:38:15,170
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.
802
00:38:16,213 --> 00:38:17,548
Oh, my God. Qué?
803
00:38:17,631 --> 00:38:19,299
Okay, I'm calling the number.
804
00:38:34,022 --> 00:38:35,732
Hello?
805
00:38:35,816 --> 00:38:37,526
This is Milton Dudenoff.
806
00:38:40,779 --> 00:38:42,406
Uh, whatever a "Westie" is,
807
00:38:43,073 --> 00:38:44,491
Howard says it was all of them.
808
00:38:51,206 --> 00:38:52,708
They know.58672
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese