All language subtitles for Archer.S02E08.Stage.Two.1080p.Blu-ray.DD5.1.x264-CtrlHD.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,047 Ugh, a rainy day and a Monday. 2 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,925 Talk about a downer double whammy, huh? 3 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,596 Do anything fun this weekend? 4 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:17,767 Because I sure did. Friday night was Cornhole League, then on Saturday... 5 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:20,520 If I cared about what you do on the weekend... 6 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:24,190 ...I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes. 7 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,947 Saturday, I watched a building burn down. 8 00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:32,699 Morning, Ms. Archer. 9 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,369 It took all weekend, but I finally got that payroll glitch sorted out. 10 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:40,456 I said by 5 on Friday. Yeah, sorry, the computer was down... 11 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:45,128 ...so over the weekend, I had to punch all these cards by hand, and then... 12 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,631 Carefully put them in order. 13 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:53,302 Careful, it's pretty delicate. Wow, and this is all marzipan? 14 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,472 Except for the barn. That's just graham crackers and icing. 15 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,516 Your dad is gonna love it. I hope so. 16 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:02,228 It's probably not the best birthday present for a diabetic, but... 17 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,857 Pam, those quarterly reports better be on my desk when I walk in there. 18 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:09,402 Are you walking in there right now? 19 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,822 What did I tell you on Friday? I was gonna come in this weekend... 20 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,908 ...but I had to finish this so I could get it in the mail today. 21 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,118 Wrong answer. 22 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:21,873 What the shit? 23 00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:27,003 Hey, hey, now, come on, honey, it's... 24 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:31,007 It's just like when the farm flooded in real life. 25 00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:34,177 Only tiny and sweet. 26 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:39,140 Idiots. Surrounded by nothing but... What the hell is your problem? 27 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,018 Finding your replacement if you don't watch your tone. 28 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,979 My tone? Watch your tone. Don't speak to me like I'm some... 29 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,815 Some what? Balloon-breasted bimbo? Hey. 30 00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:51,319 Always prancing around in those clingy little whatever they are... 31 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:54,614 ...mini-sweater dresses and your double-D push-up bras... 32 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:59,786 ...so that all anyone can see for miles around are your gigantic breasts. 33 00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:05,416 So you wanna tell me what's going on? 34 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,668 No. I want you to get out. 35 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,378 Malory. I'm sorry, dear. 36 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,714 Hey. I had a mammogram on Friday... 37 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,549 ...and they found something. 38 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,635 Oh, my God. Yeah. 39 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,011 So... 40 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,723 Is that why you're being such a bitch? 41 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:01,556 You have to swear you won't breathe a word of this to anyone. 42 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:02,932 Totally, yes. 43 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,227 Especially Sterling. If he found out I might have breast cancer... 44 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,522 ...he'd be devastated, so this information cannot leave this... 45 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,399 Pam, what the hell? 46 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,901 What? Nothing. If you're texting about my... 47 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:18,281 I'm not, I swear. This is about... Breast cancer? Oh, you poor thing. 48 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,448 Pam! What? 49 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:23,911 What is wrong with you? I can't help it, it's like a disease. 50 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,999 Pam. Do you not know what "disease" means? 51 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,084 Oh, sorry, I forgot you might have... 52 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,044 Breast cancer? Oh, for the love... 53 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,964 And would you get off? Breath? 54 00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:38,467 Malory, if there's anything we can do, you just say the word. 55 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,095 My entire laboratory is at your disposal. 56 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,598 I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pigboy. 57 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:47,435 A what? That... What are you...? I don't have one of those. 58 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,983 That'll do, Pigley. 59 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,319 That'll do. 60 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,239 Anymore. What are we talking about? Nothing. 61 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:03,034 No one is to speak of this ever, and especially not to... 62 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,536 Sterling. Good morning, dear. 63 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,331 Good morning. What's the big non-me-telling secret? 64 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,540 What? Is there one? 65 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:10,833 At a spy agency? 66 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:14,545 There's no secret. We were just... Mother, pardon me, sorry, one second. 67 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,589 Pam. No, you don't. Pam. 68 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,799 Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. 69 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,053 Pam. I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm good. 70 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,971 Ahh. I'm good. 71 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,850 Pam. Your mom's got breast cancer. 72 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,101 She what? Pam. 73 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,812 Nice work, Pam. Damn her piggy little eyes. 74 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,272 Aww, Pigley. 75 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,608 Mother? Is this...? Do you...? 76 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:41,697 Good God. You'd think he was half fainting goat. 77 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,783 Aww, Goatley. 78 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:47,078 Well, actually, men can develop breast cancer... 79 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:50,039 ...although it's extremely rare. Yeah, and also hereditary. 80 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,874 So thank you, Mother, for that. 81 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:56,212 There's a good chance your mother's first mammogram was a false-positive. 82 00:04:56,380 --> 00:05:00,174 I'll know for sure after I get the results of her diagnostic exam... 83 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:04,220 ...but I've got a good feeling about her. And the feeling is mutual, doctor. 84 00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:06,222 Hey, can you not? Right now? 85 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,433 There are several other risk factors for male breast cancer. 86 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:13,020 Such as... Any history of alcoholism? 87 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:16,232 - You know, I mean, I drink socially, but... - Ha! 88 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,317 I didn't have breakfast. 89 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:22,196 Any unusual exposure to radiation? 90 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,572 Uh... 91 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,409 - Wait, seriously don't open it? - Yes. 92 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:30,079 Oh, I thought you were being sarcastic. 93 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,666 Looking for this? 94 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:38,170 Or perhaps the lead container I probably should've left it in? 95 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:42,925 So wait. Wait, wait, wait, there's good cholesterol? 96 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:46,762 Mm, no. Well, then a little dose won't hurt. 97 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:49,557 Doctor, I have Ms. Archer's results. 98 00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:55,896 Well, if it isn't Chet Manley. Yeah. And is... I wanna say Peggy? 99 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:59,442 Rita. And you said you'd call me. Really? To both statements? 100 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,778 If it's not too much trouble I'd like to know if I have cancer. 101 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:07,283 The first test was a false-positive. You're totally fine. 102 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,368 Oh, thank God. Yeah, good. 103 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,412 Uh, hey, you wanna grab a drink later? 104 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,207 Peggy? I can't believe it, it's such a relief. 105 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,084 I don't have breast cancer. 106 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:20,629 So guess we can skip all this, huh? Well, we're here, machine's on... 107 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,131 ...may as well take a look. 108 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,301 So if you could? Oh, sorry. 109 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,802 Wow. "Wow" what? 110 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,471 What is "wow"? What is that? 111 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,306 That's, um... 112 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,767 Yup. That's breast cancer. What? 113 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,686 What? Yeah. So listen, uh... 114 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,105 Wanna grab a drink later? 115 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,986 Yup. Stage I I breast cancer. 116 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,155 - What? - Archer, no. 117 00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,158 Yeah, I mean, it's not as bad as stage II I or IV... 118 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:52,995 ...but it's not, you know, obviously, not as good as no cancer. 119 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:57,041 God, I should definitely get checked. I am so bad about doing the self-exam. 120 00:06:57,209 --> 00:07:00,336 Hey, how about we check each other? 121 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:04,673 So, what's next? Do you do chemo or...? Boop. 122 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:08,844 Lumpectomy. I go in for surgery next week and they'll try to cut it all out. 123 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,054 Oh! Oh, God. 124 00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:13,849 If they can't get it or if it spreads to my lymph nodes, they'll do chemo... 125 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,852 ...but I'm trying to stay positive because I can beat this. 126 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,813 That's a good attitude. Totally. 127 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:23,192 Wow, you seem kind of different. Yeah, did I mention I have cancer? 128 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,113 Not that, dick. Your whole outlook. All this positivity and whatever. 129 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,074 Well, I have to be positive, Lana. I gotta stay strong. 130 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:31,867 So here, show some support. 131 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,288 Here, Brett, take a ribbon, buddy. What is this? 132 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,833 A pink ribbon. I have breast cancer. Ha, ha! 133 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,376 - Seriously? Breast cancer? - Yes. 134 00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:43,045 Sure it's not lady vagina cancer? 135 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,797 - Heh, heh. Uh... - Huh? 136 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,048 - Excuse me. - Oh! 137 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,591 I'm trying to stay positive. 138 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,220 Both mentally and spiritually, Brett. 139 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:55,391 He certainly doesn't have cancer in his fist. He is beating his ass. 140 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,601 Now, if you will all excuse me again... 141 00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:01,897 ...I'm going to spend some quality time with those who are dear to me. 142 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,399 Brett. 143 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,363 Yeah, hey, it's got a safety pin. 144 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,241 What? Breast cancer. And, yes, seriously. 145 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,578 And I don't know how it's gonna turn out, so I wanted to, you know... 146 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,831 ...spend some time with the wee baby Seamus. 147 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,292 He's not even your real kid. So? 148 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,585 So it's weird. 149 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,921 So is me paying you child support, but you keep cashing the checks. 150 00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:27,506 Hey. I'm sorry. 151 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,758 Come on, Trinette, Seamus may not be my son... 152 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,261 ...but he's probably as close as I'm gonna get. 153 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,140 Where are you taking him? I don't know. 154 00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,391 What's he into? 155 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,768 Oh, that is just classic him. 156 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,689 I mean, my God, I was the one who... Was getting all the attention? 157 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,317 Who thought I had breast cancer. Shut up. 158 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,862 And now he has it, so it's all Sterling this and ribbons that. 159 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:54,867 Well, he does actually have cancer. Well, he didn't get it from me. 160 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,619 It's contagious? 161 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,287 What the shit? 162 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:01,290 I know. I'm not normally a tattoo guy, but... 163 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,459 Not yours, shitbrain. His. 164 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,713 It's like we've got each other's backs. Heh-heh-heh. 165 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,966 Right? You can't tattoo a freaking baby. 166 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:14,261 That's what the tattoo guy said. Had to slip him an extra 100 bucks. 167 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:17,806 How about I slip somebody 100 bucks to throw acid in your face? 168 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,600 Costs more than that, I bet. You... 169 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,310 To buy acid, Trinette. 170 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,478 Come on, Seamus. 171 00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:25,522 I hope your stupid cancer kills you. Oh, yeah? Well, I hope... 172 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,400 I hope it doesn't. 173 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:32,238 And to that end, Woodhouse, macrobiotic food. 174 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,573 Find out what that is and start cooking it. 175 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,992 Oh, and smoothies and, uh... 176 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,245 Why are you dressed like a tout? 177 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,497 My vacation starts today, sir. 178 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:44,792 I'm riddled with cancer, Woodhouse, and you wanna take a vacation? 179 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,628 No. But I asked for the time off a year ago... 180 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:51,340 ...and Dicky and I have been planning this trip ever since, and... 181 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,675 Who's Dicky? My brother. 182 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,093 What? He's younger. 183 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,637 Obviously. And we've always dreamed... 184 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,181 ...of someday going to Las Vegas together. 185 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:03,769 So we saved up and got a lovely package, and it's prepaid, you see, so... 186 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,438 Prepaid, huh? Yes, sir. 187 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,359 Did I mention I have cancer? 188 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:39,513 God, what a trip. Barely got back in time for surgery. You should've been there. 189 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:43,559 Yes. God knows when I'll be able see Dicky again. 190 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,562 Or where. Yeah. Mexico's pretty big. 191 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,230 And so is your heart, Woodhouse. 192 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,441 Sir? That's probably the nicest thing... 193 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,985 ...anyone's ever done for me. Oh, well. 194 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,113 I'm serious. You showed me how important family is. 195 00:10:56,281 --> 00:11:00,701 And you're kind of family, and I know I'm not always as nice to you as I could be... 196 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,828 ...so I'm gonna work on that, okay? 197 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,581 I... Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 198 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:06,999 Thank you. 199 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,209 Toilet's clogged. 200 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,464 And so I wanted to say I'm sorry, Pam... 201 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,341 ...if there were ever any times... 202 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,676 ...when I was less than nice to you. Heh. 203 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,262 Well, **** your dolphin, Pam. Archer, she's down. 204 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,766 And I definitely could've been nicer to you, Ca... Cheryl. 205 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,480 Yeah. Here, take two. 206 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,358 - And, Brett! Where's that ribbon, buddy? - Aah! 207 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,943 Gonna go put it on right now! Then come see me. 208 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,905 I got some mid-range Scotch for you, you nut. 209 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,616 - Oh, hey, where's Cyril? - Extradited? 210 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,577 Ow. But I've never even been to Las Vegas. 211 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,789 Oh, you gotta go. It's amazing, I hear. 212 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,916 But I've never been. Here. 213 00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,418 What? He can't have booze, he's going to jail. 214 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,088 Come on. I have cancer. Of the tits. 215 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,422 I... 216 00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:58,133 Okay, give him the booze. Jesus, I should get checked. 217 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,720 Hey, can somebody water my plants? Yes. 218 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,138 Heh. No. 219 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,308 Mother, come on, they said I could eat and drink till midnight. 220 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,726 Alcohol? 221 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:12,272 The stuff they use to sterilize hospitals? Pretty sure it's okay. 222 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,234 So here's to, uh, family, I guess. 223 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:19,822 I'm sorry if I've been a bit selfish about your breast cancer. 224 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:23,659 I'm sorry if I haven't always been, uh, you know... 225 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:27,287 Whatever. Well, you do the best you can. 226 00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,665 Eh. 227 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,083 Are you scared? 228 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:35,504 I am, actually. Me too. Sterling, I... 229 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:37,881 Well. Yeah. 230 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,008 Me too, Mother. 231 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,302 It's kind of weird opening up like this, huh? 232 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,179 Yeah. Give me another belt. 233 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,349 There's so much I still wanna do. 234 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,102 Oh, now, you're gonna be fine. 235 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,855 Like, I've never been to Rome. What? Yes, you have. 236 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,481 For work, Mother. 237 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:58,944 Sterling Malory Archer, this surgery is going to work and you... 238 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,947 Look at me. You are going to beat cancer. 239 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,449 But what if I don't? 240 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,535 So how's this going? Not great. 241 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,745 Lana. Lana, what if I don't? 242 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,206 Um... Can you take him home? 243 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,834 Can you not? No. 244 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:18,005 If I don't get something to eat, I'm literally going to die. 245 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,715 I seriously might, though. 246 00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,091 You're gonna be fine. 247 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:25,012 What if I'm not? What if I die, and then have to live with the fact... 248 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,556 ...I was a dick to you like a jillion times? 249 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,559 Don't worry about it, just... Lana, I'm in love with you. 250 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,730 You are also shitfaced. I can be both. 251 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,565 Archer... I might die tomorrow... 252 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,151 ...so I really don't think I should be alone tonight. 253 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,905 Nope. Nope. Lana. Did I mention I have cancer? 254 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,618 Awesome. 255 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,961 Archer. 256 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,923 Archer. 257 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,677 What? What the shit, Lana? 258 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,929 Wait, Lana? Yeah. 259 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,431 Why are you in my...? Oh, shit. 260 00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,267 My cancer surgery. Yeah. 261 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,353 So, uh, listen, about last night... 262 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,731 Don't worry about it, just... Wait, we should talk about... 263 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:20,943 Whatever's in this IV, which I love. 264 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,947 We can talk after your surgery. Right? Mm-hm. 265 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,533 Mm-hm. Or never, probably, knowing you. 266 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,784 Where's Mother? 267 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,827 Sterling? Was that him? 268 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,829 Yeah, where were you? The cafeteria. 269 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,331 Bear claws. Rowr. 270 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,124 I've been here since 6. Rowr. 271 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:40,504 He was four hours late to his own surgery. Yeah. Kind of a late night. 272 00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,297 And speaking of... 273 00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,634 I spent last night in the Tombs getting worked over by the cops. 274 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,095 What? Fun! Oh, you mean literally. 275 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,723 Yeah. Until the Las Vegas police faxed over this little gem. 276 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,770 Too soon? 277 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:02,401 Oh, my God. How much cancer was in him? 278 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:06,822 This is so boring and forever-taking. 279 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:10,450 Well, then, for the 50th time, shut up and go back to the office. 280 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,495 No. I wanna be here, in case he... Don't. 281 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,247 Dies. Why would you say that? 282 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,499 Real numbnuts. What? We're all thinking it. 283 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,709 No, we're not. 284 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:21,461 This surgery is going to be a complete success... 285 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,172 ...and Sterling is going to be completely cured. 286 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,216 Hooray. Oh, shut up. 287 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,845 Although he has been a lot nicer ever since he was diagnosed. 288 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,388 Oh, really? 289 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,351 Still too soon. 290 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,812 Not too soon for good news, I hope. 291 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,648 Oh, and also some very bad news. 292 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,319 What's the bad news? 293 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,947 I have to take a rain check on that drink. I'm on call this weekend. 294 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,532 - What about Sterling? - Oh, right. 295 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,950 Ass. That's the good news. 296 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,869 What are you, hourly? Thanks to me... 297 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,622 - ...the surgery was totally successful. - God, thank you. 298 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,165 And now Mr. Archer is... 299 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,876 Totally cancer-free! 300 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,880 I beat cancer, everybody! 301 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:07,424 Oh, Sterling, I knew you could do it. 302 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,719 Is that why you didn't even bother to see me off to surgery? 303 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:11,970 You were four hours late. 304 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,805 We grabbed a bear claw. Rowr. 305 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,434 No, it's fine, Mother, whatever. Hey, how you doing? I beat cancer. 306 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,770 Looks like he's back to his old self. 307 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,730 Oh. Let's hope not. 308 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,775 Hello? There's this great new thing called "coasters." 309 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,361 Jeez, sorry. 310 00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:30,614 Don't apologize to me, apologize to the Brazilian rosewood. 311 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,450 So, listen, about last night... 312 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:36,912 Lana, hey, I know you probably think it was just because I was drunk... 313 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,789 Well, and scared. Well, more drunk. 314 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,248 Super scared. Not really. 315 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,085 But the thing is... Woodhouse, answer the damn phone. 316 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:47,089 Archer residence. So the thing is, Lana... Here's the thing... 317 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,924 It's for you, sir. Duh. 318 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,133 One sec. Talk to me. 319 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:53,261 Mr. Archer? Hi, it's Dr. Spelts. Duh. Who? 320 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,806 Dr. Spelts? Uh... 321 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,392 I did your cancer surgery like two hours ago? 322 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,228 Oh, right, listen, I'm kind of celebrating right now, so... 323 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:04,606 You may want to hold off on that. 324 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,191 What? I should've waited... 325 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,111 ...until your post-op results came in. What? 326 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,572 But I could tell your mom was already crushed about the rain-check thing... 327 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,116 So, what are you saying? 328 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,283 Archer? Sterling? 329 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:19,705 What was I saying? Oh, yeah, the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes. 330 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,625 What does that mean? Well, it's not good, obviously, so... 331 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:26,545 Sterling, what did he say? The cancer... 332 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,090 ...it spread to my lymph nodes. 333 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:33,593 Holy shitsnacks. What's cancer? 334 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972 Yeah, so I guess this party was a little premature, huh? 335 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,725 Hey, now. Sterling, there's radiation treatment... 336 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,768 ...there's chemotherapy, there's... Oh! 337 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:45,147 I think just those two things, but... But you can still be cured. 338 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:49,776 This isn't, you know, um, good, but... Excuse me. 339 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,155 That was the best you could do? Shut up. 340 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:56,450 What did I expect? Jesus, look at how I've treated all of you. 341 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:59,035 Carol and Pam and Cyril. 342 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,788 Oh, my God, listen, I'm gonna clear up this Vegas thing. 343 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:05,333 Great. All you have to do is go down to the police station and confess. 344 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:08,754 Or something maybe else... That's actually the only thing... 345 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,130 Woodhouse. ...that you can do. 346 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,049 Woodhouse, salt of the earth, who basically raised me. 347 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,762 Well... And you helped, Mother. I know that. 348 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,140 And, Lana. Lana, I want you to know that what I said last... 349 00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,517 Woodhouse, seriously, a little help. 350 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,352 Archer residence. 351 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,520 For you, sir. 352 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:26,897 Was that so hard? 353 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,523 Lana, sorry, give me one second. 354 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,151 Because I really want you to hear what I have to say. 355 00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:34,029 - Hello? - Mr. Archer. Hi, Dr. Spelts again. 356 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,699 Yeah, listen, doctor, I'm kind of making peace with my loved ones... 357 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:41,036 ...plus some other people, so... You may want to hold off on that. 358 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,455 What? Because, boy, did I pull a boner... 359 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,707 ...said the urologist. Ba-dum-bum. 360 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,127 Anyhoo, turns out I mixed up your chart with another patient's. 361 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:52,964 Wait, are you sure? Of course I'm sure, I'm a doctor. 362 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,467 And I can say positively you are... 363 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,429 Totally cancer-free! Again! 364 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,516 Suck it, cancer! Hooray. 365 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,976 Cyril, I don't wanna see you with an empty glass. 366 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,271 Yeah. So about my Vegas problem... Yes. The Vegas problem. 367 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:12,442 I've been giving that a lot of thought. I'm sure... Mother, feel free to chime in here. 368 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:16,363 But I'm pretty sure ISIS can get you a whole new identity, Cyril. 369 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,698 Wait, no... You can use one of my old ones. 370 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,242 I don't wanna use one... Yes. 371 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,328 You're Chet Manley now. I don't wanna be Chet Manley. 372 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,206 Everybody, say hello to my friend Chet Manley. 373 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:27,916 Hi. Not a new person. 374 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,835 Shut up, I saw him first! 375 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:35,131 Speaking of being a new person, or not, did you wanna tell me something? 376 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,426 Did I? Like four minutes ago? 377 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,679 When you thought you were dying? Oh, right. 378 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:41,930 Lana, so here's the thing... 379 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:54,943 I got it! 380 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,613 - Hello? - May I speak to Chet? 381 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,991 Oh, my God. Heh, heh. Uh... 382 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,450 Yeah, hang on, he's right... 383 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,785 Wait, who is this? Rita. 384 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,662 Who? The nurse? 385 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,455 Redhead? 386 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:09,708 Uh... Peggy? 387 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,585 Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, this is Chet. 388 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,963 Hang on, Peggy, I got another call. 389 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,173 - Talk to me. - Mr. Archer? Dr. Spelts... 390 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,217 I know! What, doctor? 391 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:22,429 Well, you are just gonna kill me... 392 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:25,390 ...but turns out I was right the first time. 393 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,476 The first time you said I was cured! Wait. 394 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,644 Now I'm confused... 395 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,564 At the hospital, doctor! You said... Oh, no. 396 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,900 I meant the first phone call. 397 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,361 When I said the cancer had spread to your lymph nodes. 398 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:42,824 So, yeah, we're gonna wanna start a round of chemo ASAP... 399 00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:47,162 ...but in the meantime, is your mother there? 400 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,122 Are you here? 401 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,498 Eh. 402 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:51,875 What? 403 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,501 Too soon? 32147

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.