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1
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:10,051
She's battled ivory poachers,
raging rivers, even tuberculosis.
2
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:14,597
And now, Oscar-winner Rona Thorne
takes on the CIA and the KGB...
3
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,517
...in Dietrich Viener's
new thriller, Disavowed.
4
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,436
Oh, my God. It's going to be amazing.
5
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,980
I play a spy
accused of being a double agent...
6
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:26,401
...so she has to clear her name.
I read Dietrich's script, I was like:
7
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:29,570
"Look at me." I was like, "Whoa!"
Ha, ha.
8
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,698
So it's going to be amazing.
9
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,450
Oh, my God, she's amazing.
10
00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,703
Eh, I don't know.
Because you're an idiot.
11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,871
Who obviously never
saw River's Rage.
12
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,623
I saw it, but I was like, "Eh..."
13
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:44,335
Wha...? Are you nuts? That scene
where her baby gets swept away?
14
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,422
Bawled so hard they made me leave,
never saw the ending.
15
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,757
Well, they find the baby...
Aah! Don't tell me.
16
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,510
Dead.
Damn it.
17
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:53,928
Jammed up under a log.
18
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,639
Oh, and that wet clingy shirt
she wears the whole time?
19
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,182
Nippletown.
20
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,018
Oh, my God,
that river was so cold.
21
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:06,232
Why are we screaming?
Do you know who you are?
22
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,985
I do. Ha, I do, I do, I do.
23
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,487
I'm supposed to be
meeting Malory Archer, so...
24
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,823
Come in, dear.
Come in.
25
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:16,617
The rest of you, don't you have
something better to do...
26
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,328
...than stand around all day
and shriek?
27
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,998
No.
Nope.
28
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:25,793
I'm sorry. That sounded like no.
Lana, she has to research her role.
29
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,837
This isn't
the sheriff's department...
30
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,506
...where you wear a windbreaker
and go on a ride-along.
31
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:34,427
This is highly classified covert ops.
Yes. Covert ops.
32
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,054
This is exactly the kind of
spy lingo I wanna soak up.
33
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,766
What part of "highly classified"
do you not understand?
34
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,975
All of it.
35
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,728
That's why I'm here doing research,
so you can teach me.
36
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,188
Which she'll be
happy to do.
37
00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,857
Wait a minute.
What are you getting out of this?
38
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:51,861
Nothing. Well, apart from a small
consideration from the studio.
39
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,864
Uh-huh.
Which we're still negotiating, but...
40
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,867
Who's your agent, by the way?
He's not taking new clients.
41
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,995
And, Lana, please, you have to,
have to, have to help me.
42
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,873
- I don't, don't, don't. And I'm not...
- Not really qualified.
43
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,209
I'm sorry?
It's not your fault, Lana.
44
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,920
I, on the other hand,
am qualified...
45
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:12,006
...since I happen to be
the world's greatest secret agent.
46
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:13,674
Uh, but you're a man.
And then some.
47
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,510
So, obviously, he can't give you...
48
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,386
...a woman's perspective
like I can.
49
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,722
So, yes, I will be happy to help you.
What?
50
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,683
Oh, my God, this is gonna be amazing.
51
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:27,563
You're just doing this to spite me.
And?
52
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:07,562
I should be teaching Rona Thorne
how to be a secret agent, not Lana.
53
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,605
"Woman's perspective."
I mean...
54
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:13,609
...I'm so obviously the best agent. Duh.
How could she pick Lana over me?
55
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,361
The mind fairly boggles.
56
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,447
Exactly. Wait, was that sarcasm?
No, sir.
57
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,783
Oh, good,
because your opinion matters.
58
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:23,286
And since you seem unclear
on the concept...
59
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,787
...that was sarcasm.
60
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,540
Well played, sir.
Thank you.
61
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,294
Thank you.
62
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,795
The minute this interferes...
63
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,714
...with my real assignments,
we are finished.
64
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,048
Oh, my God, totally. Yes.
65
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:40,219
I mean, I'm just acting,
but your work is so... So vital.
66
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,221
It is, but...
Don't do that. I am so...
67
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,224
Look at me, I am so inspired by you.
68
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,684
Wow, I... Really?
69
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,729
Oh, my God, you're like the epitome
of an empowered woman.
70
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,273
If I can bring even one-tenth
of your strength...
71
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,817
...and sexiness
to my character...
72
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,485
Oh, my God.
73
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,864
Ha, ha, you're kidding.
And just what exactly is so funny?
74
00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:02,950
Uh, it's just...
It's hard to picture you as a young actress.
75
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,994
- For your information...
- A young anything.
76
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,913
My acting career... Shut up.
77
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,789
- Was really taking off.
78
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:11,667
I was on my way to a callback
for a TV commercial...
79
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:16,047
...doing the crossword on the 41 bus
and a man leans over and says:
80
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,507
"If you like puzzles,
I may have a job for you."
81
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,509
And guess who he was.
82
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:24,972
Wild Bill Donovan.
Wild Bill Donovan, head of the OSS.
83
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,808
Three weeks later I was in Tunisia,
killing a man.
84
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:33,022
But I always wondered,
what if I had gotten that commercial?
85
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,232
Guess that Tunisian guy
would still be alive.
86
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,442
He was German.
87
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:40,529
And this character,
Gerald Martin, the CIA director...
88
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,450
Why couldn't that be Geraldine Martin?
No, no, that's awful.
89
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,410
Uh... Ooh. Malory!
90
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:51,040
But not Martin, something like Steele,
because she's a very strong woman who...
91
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,961
Who will remember that
at bonus time!
92
00:04:55,128 --> 00:05:00,967
And she's also having a torrid affair
with one of her sexy young agents...
93
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,718
...who's black.
94
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:08,849
Ha, ha. Oh, my God, that is amazing!
95
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,559
And that was a lot better.
96
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,895
Ahh.
At least that time you fired downrange.
97
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:16,399
And, oh, my God, seriously,
I am so really super sorry about that.
98
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,692
Totally my fault.
99
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,277
Buy a suit at Bergdorf's,
send the bill to my manager.
100
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,862
I will take you up on that.
101
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,739
Right after I go
to the hospital.
102
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,366
Oh, my God, if I, like...
103
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,327
...possessed the capacity
to be embarrassed...
104
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,955
Eh, I shouldn't have started
you off with a fully auto.
105
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,499
Let's see what we have
in a semiautomatic.
106
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,753
Well, that's no good.
Uh...
107
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,214
What's not?
Your stance, you're fighting yourself.
108
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,216
Excuse me?
You're rigid and stiff...
109
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:45,553
...which, you know, I'm all for,
heh-heh, rimshot, but not on the range.
110
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:49,974
You gotta relax. Let your weapon
be an extension of your body.
111
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,226
Oh, my God.
112
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,937
Aw. I meant to make a frowny face.
113
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,941
But, hey, speaking of your body
and my body and stiffness...
114
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,359
Ow!
115
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:01,694
What the hell, Lana!
116
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,279
I guess that really hurt.
117
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:04,447
What?
118
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,115
You should have
ear protection.
119
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,952
Yeah, ha-ha-ha. Grown-ups.
Keep moving your lips without...
120
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,330
Mawp...
121
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,374
Excuse me. Mah...
122
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,668
Can you believe I used to date him?
123
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:20,129
And... Wait, what?
Yes. And I bet he cheated on you.
124
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,632
Just like I bet every one of your
boyfriends has, all the way back to...
125
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,635
Sorry, but I assume you were
just an insanely gawky teenager?
126
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:31,057
There was some mild gawkiness, but...
Which you never got over...
127
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,560
...which is why, please don't hate me,
you're teeming with insecurities.
128
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,812
When you totally shouldn't be.
Ha, ha, I'm not.
129
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:40,149
You're gorgeous and smart... Have you read
Unleashing the Me by Reinhart Schmoll?
130
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,818
Uh... I haven't.
Ooh, you have to read it.
131
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,154
Take my copy,
it'll change your life and...
132
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,240
Oh, and you have to start keeping a journal.
Uh...
133
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,618
Hey, where's my journal?
134
00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:54,497
Um, I maybe kind of
slightly took it.
135
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,665
Wha...?
Why would you do that?
136
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,334
- Did you think it was meat?
- I...
137
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,795
Shut up. I wanted to see
what she's really like.
138
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:04,173
Give me that. Little Miss Invasion
of the Privacy Snatchers.
139
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:08,344
Oh, come on. Haven't you ever snooped
on somebody you thought was dreamy?
140
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,846
No. Well, except Randy Muckler...
141
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,849
...who turns out was just leading me on
to get out of the draft.
142
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:19,188
So I made a phone call to the draft board.
Now who's laughing, Mr. Hooks for Hands?
143
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,025
Did...?
A booby trap blew his arms off.
144
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,902
He said it was in a coconut.
145
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,529
Mawp... Mawp...
146
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:31,158
Oh, yeah, please. Keep gawking
at the deaf person. Mawp...
147
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,620
Ugh, deaf people are gross.
Not as gross as the hook-hand ones.
148
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,122
Eh...
149
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,374
I don't know.
150
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,755
Mawp, mawp, mawp.
Yeah. Stop. Quit doing that.
151
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,715
What?
Stop. Not helping.
152
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,634
Is that helping? Fricking Lana.
Stop.
153
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:53,889
I mean, even for her, this is over the line.
She's gonna wish I was never born.
154
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,976
Just gonna softball it in like that?
Mawp... What?
155
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,645
I'm sorry?
I said, "Come in here, I need your help."
156
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,814
But I'm on my way
to a SexAnon meeting.
157
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,816
Which is exactly why I need you.
You...
158
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:07,570
Oh, no. Please, Miss Archer, I...
Wha...? Don't flatter yourself.
159
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,739
I'm talking about this,
the script for Disavowed.
160
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:16,370
Oh. "Cut to Malory Steele, the 50ish
and incredibly sexy CIA director..."
161
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,247
Spy comedy?
What? No.
162
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,542
Because that has been done.
It's a taut, sexy thriller.
163
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:25,880
Or it will be, if I could just get all
the taut, sexy bits in the right order.
164
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:29,717
Yikes, yeah. You can't have a flashback
with a flash-forward in it, that's...
165
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,760
That's where you come in.
- Bad writing.
166
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,180
Because I wangled a call
with the studio execs...
167
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,933
...and I think I can sell them
on a rewrite if you fix it.
168
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,644
For starters, I don't think
you wanna say this guy...
169
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,939
...is "as coal black and thick-muscled
as a field hand."
170
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,859
I don't need you for content,
just for plot structure.
171
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,446
Yeah, but racist overtones aside,
it really limits your casting options.
172
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,449
I mean, only two, three guys
could play that.
173
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,660
You just have to find the guy
who's not intimidated by your power.
174
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:57,912
Or my twin TEC-9s.
175
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,206
Or those big, steam-shovelly
scoops you call hands.
176
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,790
Wha...?
I'm kidding. Look at me.
177
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,835
That's the gawky 6-foot teenager
everybody cheats on...
178
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,214
...not the embodiment of sexy, empowered
womanhood that you've become.
179
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,924
You really think
I'm sexy and empowered?
180
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,384
Oh, uh... You're like
a brown Boudicca.
181
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:16,972
Who I wrote an amazing poem about in...
Damn, I wish I could find my journal.
182
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:20,309
So then it's settled.
We're a go on Operation...
183
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:24,104
Ooh. What should we call it?
Dick Sledge.
184
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,649
You wanna...?
No, but it's like sour milk.
185
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,984
You just gotta take a whiff.
186
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,819
What's the story,
neckbones?
187
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:34,323
Sophomore year at my stupid college,
I had a crush on the quarterback...
188
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,325
...this super hot guy
named Dick Sledge.
189
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,743
Sploosh.
Jinx.
190
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,163
I was invisible. He wouldn't even
sign my cast when I broke my own arm.
191
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:44,375
But I thought if I knew what he liked,
then I'd have an in.
192
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,293
So one Saturday when he had a game...
193
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:49,088
...I broke into his room
to see what music he was into...
194
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,966
...or turtles or roll around
in his clothes, or whatever...
195
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,678
But you were so busy sniffing his jock,
you didn't hear him come in.
196
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,680
Because he totally snuck up on me.
197
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,641
Then I guess I blacked out.
I don't remember stabbing him.
198
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,893
What? Why'd you have a knife?
I didn't.
199
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,937
It was his stupid pair of scissors.
200
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,774
And it was his fault for grabbing me
with his throwing hand.
201
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,277
That's how his tendon got severed.
202
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,738
Holy shit snacks.
Yeah. They said he could've gone pro.
203
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:19,326
So glossing over why you broke your arm...
So he'd sign my cast.
204
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,453
- What exactly
is your point?
205
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:25,374
Duh. Just break into Rona's apartment
and put her stupid journal somewhere.
206
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,793
Hey, yeah.
Nope.
207
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,045
Why not?
Because it's just not believable...
208
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,549
...that this guy...
Who, also, cannot be named Cassius.
209
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,509
Oh, you don't...
- would risk his career...
210
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,845
...for a woman twice his age.
So make her 40.
211
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,680
Yeah, and who's gonna play her?
212
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,348
Me. That's the whole point.
213
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:45,269
You do realize there's a finite supply
of Vaseline in the universe?
214
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,354
Ow!
Type! Nerd.
215
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,733
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
Mawp. But I'm under a lot of stress.
216
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,569
And we're not? Tsk, you got any idea
how much I got on my plate?
217
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,405
You know...
What?
218
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,325
I could've crushed that.
Come on, let me help. What you got?
219
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,036
Picking up chatter about
a bomb threat in the Middle East.
220
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,912
Who cares? I'm talking local.
221
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,751
Yes. Yes. See, this is...
222
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,545
Wow, single-space,
you wanna broad-stroke it for me?
223
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:15,549
Kolchenko, the new Soviet premier,
is scheduled to give a speech at the UN...
224
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:19,762
...in favor of strategic arms limitations,
but the hardliners in the KGB...
225
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,264
Hey, who am I, Kissinger?
Broad strokes.
226
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:26,435
The KGB's gonna shoot this prick
as he walks into the UN.
227
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,145
And?
And what?
228
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,022
Was that so hard?
229
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,732
Count Snackula?
230
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:35,069
No, shut up. We go in, drop the journal
and get out. No snooping.
231
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:39,114
Oh, come on, I just wanna see if me
and her have stuff in common, like...
232
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:43,369
Tons of cock porn laying around?
I don't have cock porn just laying around.
233
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,954
But sometimes, you know,
you forget it's in the VCR.
234
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:49,416
How do you forget...?
You rub one out, flip back to regular TV...
235
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:54,046
...Superstars is on, and all of a sudden
here's Joe Frazier's dumb ass drowning...
236
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,548
...you forget it's in there.
237
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:01,136
Until Mom and Dad come to visit
to tell you she's got Lou Gehrig's disease.
238
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:04,014
Why would you think it's okay
to share that?
239
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,891
Why are you idiots in the armory?
240
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,060
And give me those.
Hey, we're using those.
241
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,855
No, you're not. All this equipment
is for field operatives only.
242
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,482
Now, beat it. I'm on a mission.
243
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,692
You're not our supervisor.
Shut up.
244
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,152
We're on a mission too.
Da-da-da...
245
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,656
We're breaking into Rona's apartment
to hide the journal Pam stole.
246
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,282
You're kidding.
No.
247
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,244
There's a sniper out there
who could spark World War I I I...
248
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,789
...and you idiots are tying up
ISIS resources on high school bullshit.
249
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:29,998
No.
Yes.
250
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,334
I don't see a downside to that,
Archer-wise.
251
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,963
Here, load up. Should be a big box
of grenades here somewhere.
252
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:39,007
Where? Tell me where Pinch Two
is supposed to go, and I'll...
253
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,385
Act Two.
Act Two is wall-to-wall...
254
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,929
...with this love story
you're making me shoehorn...
255
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,349
The forbidden love between Malory
and Cassius is central to the plot.
256
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,851
Oh, for the love of...
257
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:52,062
Why don't you just make it
a shot-for-shot remake of Mandingo.
258
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:57,359
Uh, I hate to interrupt,
but I'm off on a dangerous mission.
259
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,194
That's what people wanna see.
260
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:02,030
Not Granny gets jungle fever.
Huh! Get out.
261
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:07,619
But even though it's super-dangerous,
I'm preventing World War I I I, so...
262
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,663
Wait, what?
Uh, nothing, no big deal.
263
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,999
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Nope.
264
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,917
Oh, my God, strong and sexy.
Gotta get by.
265
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,169
Amazing.
266
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,378
Will you shut up?
267
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,755
If you don't mind,
I have to stop KGB snipers...
268
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:22,217
...from assassinating the Soviet
premier as he enters the UN.
269
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:24,678
Now, there's a Pinch Two.
That's pretty good.
270
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,556
You're not taking this.
You never qualified as a counter-sniper.
271
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:28,974
I would have.
272
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,398
You know,
if I'd gone to the thing.
273
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,067
If your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle.
What?
274
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:42,070
There's your Pinch Two.
So I'll just be taking these.
275
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,947
And me.
Nope.
276
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,241
Lana, please,
this is perfect for my role.
277
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:47,618
No way.
You have to.
278
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:51,288
This is the real thing, Rona.
Which is why it's a job for a man.
279
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:56,251
Which is why shut up because I and Rona,
am and are taking the mission.
280
00:13:56,419 --> 00:14:01,590
Oh, my God, this is gonna be...
Don't say it. I swear to God.
281
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,510
Amazing.
282
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:09,515
- Isn't this amazing?
- Not really, no.
283
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,600
I wish I'd let Archer take this one.
284
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,436
But we're, like, keeping
the world free for democracy...
285
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:18,565
Not if I can't take out the KGB sniper team
who God knows where they are.
286
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,109
There's about
a bajillion hide sites around here.
287
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:24,530
And a hidden transmitter
in your rifle scope.
288
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,906
You dumb idiot.
289
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,574
- I'm sorry?
- You should be.
290
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,035
Look, I took this call
as a courtesy to Rona, okay?
291
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:33,789
Which now I'm regretting because
what kind of farkarkte bullshit is this?
292
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,083
I beg your...?
Disavowed is a spy thriller.
293
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:40,587
Which is why we want to change the title...
To what, Mandingo I I?
294
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,006
Wait, hang on. Hang on. Jeannie!
What?
295
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:47,511
Anybody doing a Mandingo sequel?
When can you get me a treatment?
296
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,388
Two weeks.
You got a week.
297
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,599
We're calling it
The Enslavening.
298
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,145
Well, Cyril? We did it.
Yeah, we kind of did, didn't we?
299
00:14:57,313 --> 00:15:00,607
A taut, sexy thriller.
300
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,944
- Oh, yes. Take me.
- Mm, mm.
301
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,405
- Oh, take me, Cassius.
- Mm.
302
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,657
Oh, my God, you seem really tense.
303
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,492
You know what I do when I'm tense?
304
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,327
No, but I bet you're gonna tell us.
305
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,787
Kelp tape.
What?
306
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,665
It's amazing, like, kung-fu monks
make this 50-foot tape.
307
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,626
Like a cloth measuring tape, but it's kelp.
Uh...
308
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,380
You swallow it over, like, three days
and you start to, you know, pass it...
309
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:27,050
...then you just slowly, slowly pull it out
of you over three more days.
310
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,845
Wait, what?
It pulls all the toxins out of your body...
311
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:33,015
...and you just feel,
ahh, so clean.
312
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:37,686
Oh, yeah? While you're tangled up
in a half-mile of shit-covered tape?
313
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,022
Heh. Fricking actresses.
314
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:43,609
All right, time for a little
tension relief of my own.
315
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,904
You know what else is great? Colonics.
Shut up.
316
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,324
I got a window opening up...
There's another one.
317
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:51,825
This is so exciting.
318
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,452
And another one.
Shit, and another.
319
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,997
That's not all.
If you order now, you'll also receive...
320
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,876
No way.
321
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,502
Yup. He's down.
322
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:07,090
But not forgotten. Come, Kriegerbots.
323
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,801
Avenge your fallen comrade.
324
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,471
What voice is that? Is that from Bullwinkle?
325
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,223
Damn it, they're everywhere.
There's too many, I can't...
326
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,516
Tell me how to help.
327
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,977
Shut up and grab that scope
and tell me where they are.
328
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:23,065
Uh, okay. There's a nice way to do that.
Ugh. Will you just...?
329
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,942
Okay, there's a...
Wait, no, there's... Ahh.
330
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,153
Oh, my God, I can see my penthouse.
331
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,406
Well, unless there's a sniper in it.
Well, somebody's in it.
332
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:34,242
Who the **** is
in my ******* penthouse?
333
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,411
We are.
We're complying.
334
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:39,331
You. Get your fricking hands up.
You're not my supervisor.
335
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,541
We're gonna go to prison.
No, we're not.
336
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,836
Say the right stuff and they send you
to a mental hospital.
337
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:48,256
I just this second realized why you
do macramé instead of knitting.
338
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,426
No sharp objects on the ward.
They were super strict about that.
339
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,596
Who was...?
She's got a weapon. Drop it.
340
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,598
You're not my supervisor!
God.
341
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,310
Damn him. I told him no parties.
342
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,145
Give me. Give me it.
What the shit?
343
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:05,232
Give me. Give me it.
Rona, stop. This is a serious... Ow!
344
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:06,900
- Situation.
345
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,611
I know and, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
346
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,321
Please, please, don't hate me.
Uh...
347
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,948
What's wrong with me?
348
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,117
It's tetrodotoxin
from the fugu fish.
349
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,618
What?
Yeah, what?
350
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:20,914
I'm a Russian sleeper, silly.
Jesus, Lana, how did you not see that?
351
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,836
But you're a famous Hollywood actress
for, like, many years.
352
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,129
How is that possible?
353
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,172
Oh, fun. I never get to tell this.
354
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:32,592
Okay, well, my parents were sleepers
in L.A., still are. Love them.
355
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,886
And we were encouraged to,
you know, blend.
356
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,888
And so I ended up being an actress.
357
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,642
But it's so unnecessarily elaborate.
Oh.
358
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,980
Oh, my God, I know, but the lengths
they go to, look at me, you have no idea.
359
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,274
Is my new favorite device of ever.
360
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,068
I mean it. With the schnoz and comb-over...
361
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,362
...you're a dead ringer
for Karl Malden.
362
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:55,907
Come on, buddy.
363
00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,202
Lana, hush.
364
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:02,873
If you sit quietly, the poison
should wear off in, like, four hours.
365
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,375
Huh?
But if you struggle, your heart could...
366
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,671
Freeze! Wait, where'd she...? Oh, shit!
And we wouldn't want that.
367
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:12,340
- Damn it.
- Archer, look out.
368
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,676
Nice warning, stupid.
369
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,678
There's Kolchenko's motorcade. Oh!
370
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,972
This'd be such an amazing finish
for Disavowed.
371
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,350
So bummed I won't be able to work
on it now. Oh, my God, on anything.
372
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,269
Oh, my God,
I won't be famous anymore.
373
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,605
I don't know. Oswald's pretty famous.
374
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:27,856
Not in a good way.
375
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,316
Oh, my God, and the money?
376
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:32,360
- Last year, I took home almost 200 grand.
- Eh.
377
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,529
- In gift bags.
- Oh.
378
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:35,864
Yeah, you think?
379
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,366
Now some guys
in some country I've never been to...
380
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:41,828
...expect me to throw all that away
for some lame, whatever, ideology?
381
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,706
So don't do it.
I know, right? Is that crazy?
382
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,708
Totally.
But if I do...
383
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,836
...there's some amazing stuff
happening in Soviet cinema.
384
00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,421
And they promised me
I could direct.
385
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:53,840
Uh, uh...
386
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:57,093
Yeah. Kolchenko's down.
Oh, that is so gross.
387
00:18:57,261 --> 00:19:00,180
Huh, that's gross? You use shrimp tape.
388
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:04,559
Kelp tape. Oh, and, Lana, promise me
you'll try it, especially after this.
389
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,645
- Mm.
- It really pulls the toxins out.
390
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,438
Oh, and please read
The Unleashing of Me.
391
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:10,065
- And please, please, please.
- Mm?
392
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,775
Don't beat yourself up
over this.
393
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:14,903
You are a sexy, empowered woman.
Mmm.
394
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,489
Oh, and speaking of,
wish me luck on my directing career...
395
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,158
- ...which is gonna be...
- Don't say it.
396
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,077
- Amazing.
397
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:23,829
I'm out.
398
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,249
How long did she say this will last?
Four hours.
399
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,754
Oh, my... You're getting off on this.
400
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,756
And?
33569
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