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1
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,713
- Oh, man, is this great?
- No, Archer.
2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,465
- Was that rhetorical?
- Archer.
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,092
- And also was that?
- Archer.
4
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:12,637
Yes. They both were,
because New Orleans is my kind of town...
5
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:14,806
...and I haven't had a vacation
in forever.
6
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,683
Well, that's great but...
NOLA.
7
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,935
The Crescent City, the Big...
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,438
Easy.
Our mission is to stop an eco-terrorist...
9
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,858
...from blowing up the biggest natural
gas pipeline in North America...
10
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,194
...so I wouldn't exactly call it a vacation.
11
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,905
Well, whatever. Working vacation.
Ugh.
12
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,409
Because I'm not too worried about some
drum-circling, hippie tree hugger.
13
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:37,662
Sir, can you find your seat for me?
Uh, yeah, it's right there.
14
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,289
Can you go find
some more hurricanes for me?
15
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,624
Ugh.
16
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,501
Hippies aren't the only
people who care.
17
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,170
Like, I happen to care. A lot.
18
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:49,340
And so does our target,
Joshua Gray, a.k.a. Gandalf.
19
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,426
His name's Gandalf?
And he's not a hippie?
20
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,178
Gray's an ex-Green Beret.
He's attacked power plants...
21
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,514
...hydroelectric dams, whaling ships...
22
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,517
Whaling ships? What,
he's against clean-burning lamp oil?
23
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,687
Would you relax? We know
he's gonna attack the pipeline...
24
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,772
...and we know where the pipeline is.
25
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,692
Running through a couple hundred
miles of marshy wetlands.
26
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:11,696
So mobility will be key, Lana.
And how will we achieve mobility?
27
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,114
Huh?
28
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,991
An airboat.
An airboat, Lana.
29
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:17,618
Like Burt Reynolds in White Lightning.
Great, just...
30
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,370
Not to mention Gator.
Archer.
31
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:23,040
Which, even though it's the sequel,
I think is the stronger of the two.
32
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,667
Just try to keep a low profile.
33
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:28,045
We could scare off Gray if we don't
maintain the element of surprise.
34
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,631
Hey, here's a surprise. Hermès.
35
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,801
And here's another one. Remember
Jerry Reed's character in Gator?
36
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,636
No.
Bama McCall?
37
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,723
No.
Well, whatever, check this out, I sto...
38
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,434
Borrowed it from Woodhouse.
Archer, what the shit?
39
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,478
Right? It's just like in Gator.
40
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,313
- Gun! Gun!
- Wha...?
41
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,064
Drop it! Drop it!
You drop it.
42
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,983
Lana, hijacking.
Damn it, it's not a hi...
43
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:54,572
Oh, great, there better be more of those.
Sky marshal, drop your weapon!
44
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,657
Oh, okay, relax.
It's okay, we're...
45
00:01:56,825 --> 00:02:00,661
Da, da-da-da...
Sterling Archer and Lana Kane of ISIS...
46
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,914
...and we're on a mission
to stop an eco-terrorist...
47
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,249
Da-da-da.
...from blowing up a gas pipeline.
48
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:10,588
So for the love of God, woman,
go make me a fresh batch of hurricanes!
49
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,591
Great. Way to keep a low profile.
Thanks.
50
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:53,381
This is the AmPetCo gas pipeline.
51
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:56,676
Runs right underneath these swamps,
supplying almost 20 percent...
52
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,554
- ...of America's liquid natural gas demand.
- Right.
53
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,723
- But there's a pig launcher here.
- Is that what it sounds like?
54
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,977
It's a pipe inspection gauge
for cleaning the pipeline.
55
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:10,314
It's the only section above ground,
so if Gray wants to attack our pipeline...
56
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,108
- He'll have to do it there.
- Right.
57
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:16,112
So we'll set up a defensive perimeter at
the launcher and catch him when he tries.
58
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,738
Well, wait, hang on a second.
59
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,824
Can I get the oyster po' boy...
60
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:23,160
...and a side of crawfish étouffée?
I'm not sure I'm gonna like it.
61
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,788
Archer. Archer.
Just an entrée? Okay. Uh...
62
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,332
Archer.
Okay, so, the po' boy, the... Hello?
63
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,752
Wow, speaking of disastrous...
Speaking of shut up.
64
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:35,381
Think about what will happen to those
wetlands if that pipeline explodes.
65
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:39,802
Screw the damn swamps, think of what'll
happen to AmPetCo's profit margin.
66
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,721
What?
Big money.
67
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,849
Huge tax credits
from that hippie Democrat Congress...
68
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,685
...just for making a few simple
changes around here.
69
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,437
A lot of these
aren't so simple.
70
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,607
Replacing all the lights with
high-efficiency fluorescents...
71
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,650
...putting low-flow fixtures
on plumbing.
72
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:58,487
Recycling old batteries.
Exactly. Don't we do that already?
73
00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,989
Um...
74
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,870
I don't even understand
why we have a car battery!
75
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,706
Pretty much.
76
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,500
Good. Because I'm not leaving money
on the table.
77
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,295
So to get these freebie socialist
tax credits...
78
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:18,382
...we are going to make
this place lean and green.
79
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,051
Typical corporate bullshit.
80
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,803
Thirty acres of wetlands
disappear every single day...
81
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,556
...but all you care about is
how much gas you pump out.
82
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:30,645
Hey, we're just supplying a demand.
Yeah, AmPetCo's demand for huge profits.
83
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:34,398
Well, some of those huge profits
are paying ISIS to protect that pipeline.
84
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,860
Which I'm only doing for the wetlands.
Wetlands, profits, whatever.
85
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,072
Yeah, sounds like a win-win.
Just get out there and do your job.
86
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:45,076
Yeah, I will.
If you will excuse me.
87
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,581
I should go with her.
88
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,917
I don't think room service
is coming.
89
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,251
Should have called first.
90
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:57,755
That's the only airboat around
for 50 miles, and it reserved.
91
00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,174
What do you mean?
Is that not self-explanatory?
92
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,844
Look, this is kind of an emergency.
Can't we work something out?
93
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,097
If you use that money
to buy a time machine...
94
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,016
...go back and be the first person
to reserve that boat.
95
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,393
You sure about that?
Yup.
96
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,271
That's good, because I've waited
my entire life to say this exact phrase.
97
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,191
I'm commandeering this airboat.
98
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,360
- Sorry.
- Whoo!
99
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:24,657
It really is an emergency.
Of an awesome and ass-kicky nature.
100
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:28,035
And some damn
guard dog you is.
101
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,245
Annie?
102
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,956
Annie.
103
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,291
Well, that's just great.
104
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,503
Now both my dogs is dead.
105
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:43,884
Stupid efficient Canadian light bulbs.
I can barely even see what I'm doing.
106
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,094
What are you doing?
107
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,972
I need six more of these.
Why do you need seven?
108
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,016
One for each cat, duh.
109
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,644
For God's sake, Pam.
Have you no sense of decency?
110
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,063
That bathroom's like
a war crime.
111
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:59,066
Don't blame me,
it's those new low-flow toilets.
112
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,153
With the old ones you could
flush a dachshund puppy.
113
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,989
I mean, not that you would, but...
Next time use the...
114
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,991
Da-da-da...
Women's restroom.
115
00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,325
Da...
116
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,747
The what?
Thanks, Cyril.
117
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,043
Whoo-hoo!
118
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,004
Airboat! Oh, man!
119
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,923
Seriously, this must be what it's like
to have sex with me.
120
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:26,510
How can an airboat be selfish?
Nope, can't hear you. I'm too happy.
121
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:29,305
You can't hear me because
you're redlining the engine.
122
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,058
Oh, thank you,
certified airboat mechanic.
123
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,976
Now, where's this
pig launcher thing?
124
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,686
This heading, one mile.
Whoo!
125
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,688
I'm serious, Archer,
if you don't slow down...
126
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:40,524
I'll keep feeling this incredibly vibrant
and alive?
127
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,319
Yeah, until you blow the damn engine, so...
Lana!
128
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,614
I'm not gonna blow the...
129
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,217
Ahem.
Yeah, try clearing your throat...
130
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,012
...about a jillion more times,
Lana, see if that helps.
131
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,183
No? Nothing?
132
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,358
No, no, by all means,
let me do this, Lana.
133
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,485
You just sit there like
the African Queen.
134
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,196
The African Queen was the boat.
No, it was Audrey...
135
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,699
Katharine.
Whichever Hepburn. She was the queen.
136
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:33,911
Of Africa.
Yeah.
137
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,413
The white queen of Africa.
138
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,959
Yeah, back then, Hollywood was pretty
weird about the whole race thing.
139
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,379
Like Amos and Andy were white,
a white guy played Charlie Chan.
140
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,422
Archer.
Pretty sure Tonto was a Jew.
141
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,258
Stop.
What?
142
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,592
Gator?
Talking.
143
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,763
But I do really wish there was a gator.
Hey, come on, not even as a joke, Lana.
144
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,557
It so wasn't.
I said I was sorry.
145
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,393
Tell this wildlife you're sorry
when the pipeline blows...
146
00:07:57,561 --> 00:08:01,856
...because we're not there to protect it.
A, all this wildlife can suck it.
147
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,942
Everything out here either
wants to eat me or give me malaria.
148
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,443
And B...
149
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,864
Oh.
No thanks to you, Queen Audrey.
150
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,365
Would you just...?
Yeah.
151
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,869
Okay, let's set up
a defensive perimeter.
152
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,288
Right after I set up the grill.
Will you just...?
153
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:21,083
Hey, I just dragged this damn boat
through a mile of my three biggest fears...
154
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,043
...so I think I've earned
a kebab.
155
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,587
Well, too bad.
But...
156
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,965
Your lab uses more electricity
than the rest of ISIS put together.
157
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,134
Yes, and I need every single watt.
158
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:33,596
No, we all have to pitch in
to make ISIS green.
159
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,016
Look at me, chopping ice for
a Tom Collins like a field hand.
160
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,935
But I...
Ooh. Or do I want a mint julep?
161
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:43,105
The slightest reduction of power
could put lives at risk.
162
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,149
Lives of what, a few lab rats?
163
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:53,824
Also, yes.
164
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:59,163
Yeah, good, great idea. Do the one thing
that could possibly make it hotter.
165
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,707
You gotta sear them first,
it locks in the flavor.
166
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,585
And if you're hot, and also
somewhat bitchy, drink a beer.
167
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,171
I don't want a beer, Archer,
I want water.
168
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:11,008
Your funeral. God knows what kind of
parasites are swimming around in it.
169
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,677
Not swamp water, you ass. Bottled.
170
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,597
Oh, you are shitting me.
I know, right?
171
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,683
A rainbow should shoot out
every time you open it.
172
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:22,353
You didn't bring any water?
Where would I put it?
173
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,356
Great, I'll just wait half an hour
for a cup of ice to melt.
174
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,732
Don't. Don't...
Ow! Shit.
175
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,026
...touch it.
What the f****** shit is this?
176
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:32,029
No, no, no. Lana. It's dry ice.
Ow!
177
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,037
Hurry, put your hands in the swamp.
178
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,463
How you doing, buddy?
179
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:54,385
Because dry ice is something crazy,
like, negative a hundred degrees.
180
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,388
I need you to not talk to me.
I know.
181
00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,975
And I know you're in a lot of pain,
so just try to relax.
182
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,227
Why are you still talk...? Ow!
183
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,062
And say hi to Sister Morphine.
184
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,605
Morphine? Damn it, I don't need...
185
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:09,233
Yeah?
Yeah.
186
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,068
That actually feels way better.
187
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,195
Good, get up.
You're sitting on the beer.
188
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,741
All right, so wait a second.
What are your three biggest fears?
189
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,493
Nope.
Come on.
190
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,288
No, hush, I'm trying to fish.
No, don't shoot the fish.
191
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,958
Come on, this is a very fragile ecosystem.
Too fragile to spare one trout?
192
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,502
No, but...
Or bass or whatever. What's in here?
193
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,089
Nothing soon, if people like you
keep destroying the environment.
194
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,882
What? It's one lousy fish.
195
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,719
One lousy black rhino,
one lousy Bengal tiger.
196
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,012
One lousy Lorax.
197
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,931
Since when are you
such a radical environmentalist?
198
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,600
I'm not radical. Well, I mean not anymore.
199
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,602
But back in the day...
200
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,440
Fur is murder!
Fur is murder! Fur is murder!
201
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,192
There's one. Get her. Go, go, go!
202
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,737
How's it feel to be a murderer?
203
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,781
Shall we find out?
204
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:05,456
Lady, you don't scare me.
Dear, this is a.44 Magnum.
205
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:09,626
You're really not scared, are you?
No.
206
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,921
Then how would you like a job?
207
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,966
Three weeks later I was in Tunisia,
killing a different man.
208
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,886
Heh, heh, heh.
And how and why is that funny?
209
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,221
I forgot about that afro.
You know what?
210
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,725
You looked like Angela Davis
had a lovechild with "Sweet" Lou Dunbar.
211
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,227
Shut up.
You. I'm trying to catch us some dinner.
212
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,980
If you'd brought enough food...
I wouldn't have beer.
213
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,149
Since I can't catch beer...
Or a fish.
214
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,985
Yes, I can.
Burt Reynolds is my spirit guide.
215
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,988
Did you say "man crush"?
I'm pretty sure it was "shut up."
216
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,325
What are your three biggest fears?
217
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,327
Getting stuck on a boat with you
three times.
218
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,662
Oh, come on.
Oh, here we go.
219
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,290
Come here, fishy, fishy.
220
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:53,128
And while you eat humble pie with a side
of crow, Lana, I will be dining on trout.
221
00:11:55,924 --> 00:12:00,344
What the hell is that?
What the hell does it look like, Lana?
222
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,929
Shoot it, Archer! Shoot it!
223
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,641
Oh, so now it's okay? What happened
to your fragile ecosystem?
224
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:09,353
Screw the damn ecosystem. Shoot!
You are such a hypocrite.
225
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,355
I bet you probably eat veal.
226
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:20,614
Did you see that? And hear that?
What is that? What is that sound?
227
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,158
Oh, you are shitting me.
228
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,868
How did you shoot
the boat?
229
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,871
Because I was bucking around
like a rodeo clown in a barrel.
230
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,499
Well, did you at least hit the gator?
I don't know.
231
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,669
I mean, maybe.
Great, so maybe he's wounded.
232
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,129
No, he's definitely wounded.
233
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,674
Oh, right, I forgot he has an arrow
sticking out of his head.
234
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,592
Yeah, I think that's what
enraged him.
235
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,680
And so now all 20 enraged feet of him
is swimming around out there.
236
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:48,892
In that inky black water.
Into which we are currently sinking.
237
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,394
Yeah, it's not ideal.
238
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,814
I mean, even if we had more shells.
You only brought two shells?
239
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,859
No, I brought shitloads, thank you.
Well, where are they?
240
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,360
In the gear bags.
241
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,237
With your guns.
242
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,406
And everything else.
243
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,160
Still got the cooler though,
so...
244
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,833
Thank God for
small miracles, huh?
245
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,503
Lana.
246
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,922
Lana!
What?
247
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,425
I said, thank God
for small miracles.
248
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:24,428
I heard you.
I know.
249
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,438
Yeah, why don't you have another one?
Well, somebody's got to.
250
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,524
Since you refuse to help...
You don't need help to get drunk.
251
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,110
Oh, please, it takes more than some 3.2...
252
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:43,363
Wow, six-percent beer.
- To get Sterling Archer drunk.
253
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,533
Six percent, really?
Yeah, so would you lay off?
254
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,328
There is a giant wounded
alligator out there...
255
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,039
...not to mention
a dangerous eco-terrorist.
256
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:55,459
Holy shit, totally forgot about him.
I didn't.
257
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,045
More reason for you to get
on board with my new plan.
258
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:01,715
Is it as idiotic as your other plan?
That's how brainstorming works, Lana.
259
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,426
It's free-form,
you come up with a lot of ideas.
260
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,763
Yeah, like using the pipeline
to set the entire swamp on fire.
261
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:11,975
Which, yes, bad idea, but it got me
thinking about chemical reactions.
262
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:15,854
Like alcohol's effect on the brain?
No, like the reaction between...
263
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:21,443
...solid carbon dioxide, also known
as dry ice, of which we have plenty...
264
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:26,823
...and a fun, sexy little molecule
I like to call dihydrogen monoxide.
265
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,117
Water?
Water.
266
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:32,663
Combine them in a sealed container
and you've got yourself...
267
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:36,583
Some kind of dry-ice bomb?
Ugh! Yes, ruiner of explanations.
268
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:40,003
I was building to that, but yes.
Well, we got plenty of water.
269
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,381
No, the swamp's too dirty, it's full of...
270
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,634
...whatever alligators shit out,
which I can only assume is people.
271
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,262
They don't eat people.
They eat people all the time.
272
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,305
They don't...
Sarasota County, Florida.
273
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:54,560
Chet Willard, age 16, swimming in
the Oak River Canal, killed by an 11 -footer.
274
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,645
Two years ago,
Chatham County, Georgia...
275
00:14:56,813 --> 00:15:00,357
...Ruth Baker, age 39,
killed in her backyard by a 10-footer.
276
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,734
Archer.
Same year, Pinellas County, Florida...
277
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,697
...Walter Jakes, age 70,
and his dog, killed by a 12-footer.
278
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,324
Three years ago, Dade County...
Archer!
279
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,909
What?
280
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,620
What are your three
biggest fears? Archer?
281
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,164
Alligators, by far the biggest.
282
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,626
And so you've memorized
every fatal alligator attack?
283
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,255
Just in the U.S., I can't find any
information on attacks in China.
284
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,882
They only live here and China.
Two different species.
285
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,261
Chinese alligators are smaller,
but their bellies are fully-armored...
286
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,972
...so it kind of equals out.
Can we change the subject?
287
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,058
Okay, what's your second biggest fear?
God, will you just...?
288
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,852
It's crocodiles, okay.
289
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,063
Do crocodiles even live here?
Not "here" here, in the Everglades.
290
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:44,234
That's, like, a thousand miles away.
Three years ago, they caught a 9-foot croc...
291
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,487
...in the surf at Myrtle Beach,
so, you know, shit happens.
292
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,573
Wow. Not sure I wanna know
what your third...
293
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,325
Brain aneurysm.
What?
294
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:55,037
What does a brain aneurysm have to do
with walking around in a swamp?
295
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,457
Nothing. It can happen anywhere
at any time, that's why it's terrifying.
296
00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,916
Oh, my God. Okay.
297
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:04,212
So if the gator-poop water is too dirty...
Yeah, we need distilled water.
298
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,590
Your plan include finding some?
Yes, but...
299
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,467
But what?
You're not gonna like it.
300
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,093
Do we have to distill our pee?
301
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,930
You can if you want,
but I was just gonna use this.
302
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,850
Wha...? There was bottled water
in there the whole time?
303
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,727
Yes. Sorry, I forgot.
304
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,355
You forgot. Thanks, idiot.
305
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,274
What? You still would've burned
your hands reaching in here.
306
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:28,111
I hope an alligator attacks you at the exact
moment you have a brain aneurysm.
307
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:31,782
How could you even say that? That's
like me saying I hope you get cancer.
308
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,117
What is wrong with you?
I obviously don't...
309
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:38,580
...but holy shit, Lana, I pour my heart out,
and you just throw it right back in my face?
310
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,291
Sorry.
Well, you should be.
311
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,710
That's... Wait, okay,
what's your biggest fear?
312
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,796
Nope.
Come on, I told you mine.
313
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,965
I know. You lose.
I think your biggest fear is intimacy.
314
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,427
When what you should be afraid of
is falling in love with me again...
315
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,221
...because of my awesomeness.
316
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,473
Check this out.
How do you light it?
317
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:59,601
Pressure builds until it explodes.
How long does that take?
318
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,479
Depends how much water.
We're gonna need to dial it in.
319
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:06,441
You have no idea when that's gonna go off?
How could I?
320
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,653
Oh, shit.
321
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,202
Asshole.
Did it get you?
322
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,329
No.
Me neither. Wow. Again, small...
323
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,164
Don't.
324
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:22,958
Miracles.
Argh!
325
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:26,670
How long was that?
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to time it.
326
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,505
It's okay, I forgot to measure it.
327
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,174
So we're both
gonna need to do better.
328
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,676
Every single one.
329
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,177
To hell with the tax credits.
330
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:37,097
I want every last one of those
low-flow toilets out.
331
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:39,933
Dump them on the street with
those ridiculous light bulbs.
332
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,686
Why do I have to carry the toilets?
You know why.
333
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,355
Because of the things
that come out of your body.
334
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,650
Oh, shut up, Mr. Bigmouth,
telling it we have a women's bathroom.
335
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,986
Where I better
never catch you again.
336
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:53,613
Okay, jeez,
hostile work environment.
337
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,616
- Yeah. So everything's back to normal.
- Is it?
338
00:17:56,784 --> 00:18:00,871
I told you lives were at risk. Now
behold the horror you have wrought.
339
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,582
Pam, if you're dumping stuff
on the street, this can go.
340
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,667
What is it?
Shattered dreams.
341
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,794
Smells like rotten meat.
Also, yes.
342
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,381
Yeah, there we go.
343
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:14,676
I think we got this recipe figured out.
That was pretty great.
344
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,219
Duh. You shut up.
Shut up.
345
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:19,848
I'll get dry ice in the rest of the bottles,
you be ready with the water...
346
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,310
...and we'll wait for that big,
fat, stupid gator to come back.
347
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,146
Destroying his habitat isn't enough?
Wha...?
348
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,648
I would've been here sooner,
but you stole my boat.
349
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,234
Do you not understand
how reservations work?
350
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:34,488
Reserve this, Treebeard.
Oh, please, it's not even loaded.
351
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,739
Wha...? Thanks, Lana.
352
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:38,116
Shut up. Hi, Josh.
Hello, Lana.
353
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,326
You know each other?
354
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:43,079
Josh was my Environmental
Policy TA when I was in college.
355
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,247
And her lover.
356
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,091
Also, yes.
Wait, I thought he was a Green Beret.
357
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,093
I went to grad school
on the G.I. Bill.
358
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,554
That's when I realized
I had to lead the fight...
359
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,932
...against the systematic rape
of Mother Nature.
360
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,434
But back then you just organized
peaceful protests.
361
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,353
Like that day at the fur store.
Yeah.
362
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:09,648
Where you disappeared without a trace.
I guess I found my calling.
363
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,818
As a hired gun
for the military-industrial complex?
364
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,779
A traitor to the cause
of environmental protection?
365
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:17,113
Me? What about you?
366
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:21,117
Always running around, blowing shit up.
Threatening our supply of lamp oil.
367
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:25,622
Shut up. But, Josh, seriously, do you really
think the ends justify such violent means?
368
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,250
Yes, because this is a war.
369
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,628
And victory will only come when
Americans stop destroying the earth...
370
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:36,591
...just so they can drive bigger cars,
build bigger houses and eat bigger food.
371
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,719
So, like, never.
Yeah.
372
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,013
Oh, my God, that's depressing.
Sorry.
373
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,850
And I'm also sorry we can't
let you blow up this pipeline.
374
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,226
I wasn't going to.
Then...
375
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:51,273
I mean, I was, but I saw you with this idiot
yelling on the plane about working for ISIS.
376
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,484
So technically, I saved the pipeline.
Yeah, you're the best.
377
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:57,153
Whatever, I win.
Suck it, Samwise.
378
00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:00,407
Archer.
So you need a lift back to land?
379
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,159
Yeah, let me just grab my cooler and...
Not you, ass.
380
00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:07,330
Lana, maybe we can grab dinner,
see some Dixieland jazz?
381
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,583
That sounds lovely.
382
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,585
Oh, come on, are you kidding me?
383
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,379
- You're really gonna leave me out here?
- Yup.
384
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,339
I like your new hairdo, by the way.
385
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,843
Well, if you like the collar,
you're gonna love the cuffs.
386
00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,970
Well, that's just great.
387
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,347
She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid...
388
00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:29,019
...and I get mosquitoes and no beer
and not laid. How could this get any...?
389
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,355
Let me finish.
390
00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:36,192
- Worse.
Now... Okay, see? You ruined it.
391
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:38,445
You ruined the moment.
33302
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