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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,211 --> 00:00:03,213 And if it happens again I'll put a lock on it... 2 00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:05,340 ...so no one can enjoy it. 3 00:00:05,507 --> 00:00:08,176 Moving on, item seven. 4 00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:11,513 Oh, I'm afraid I have some tragic news. 5 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,806 - Um, item six wasn't tragic? - Zip it. 6 00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:15,558 Wow. - Agent Hector Ruíz... 7 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:17,769 ...who had infiltrated El Frente Rojo... 8 00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:20,230 ...was killed last night when his cover was blown. 9 00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,940 My little burrito. - Wait, who? 10 00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:24,025 How in the world did his cover get blown? 11 00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:34,077 Ruíz? Hey man, talk to these chicks, all right? 12 00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:36,955 Tell them how we're really ISIS agents! 13 00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:39,457 They don't believe me. Hello? 14 00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:41,793 Señor Wingman? 15 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,712 He probably got careless. I'm sure Hector didn't get... 16 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,631 Oh, come on. Ruíz was a loose cannon. 17 00:00:46,798 --> 00:00:49,884 He played fast and he played loose. And in the end, he got burned. 18 00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,636 Be that as it may! - Loose cannon. 19 00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:55,390 For ISIS to continue enjoying Title 6 tax incentives... 20 00:00:55,557 --> 00:00:57,475 ...we have to meet certain... 21 00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,561 ...diversity requirements. 22 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,896 Oh, I think we're pretty diverse. - Ha. Please. 23 00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,815 What? You're blackish. 24 00:01:03,982 --> 00:01:05,984 Ish? - Well, what's the word for it, Lana? 25 00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,695 You freaked out when I said "quadroon." - Imagine that! 26 00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:11,990 You imagine it! - Both of you, imagine shutting up! 27 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,742 Because after losing Agent Pak last year... 28 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:17,704 Hey, tell this broad what's up with ISIS, Pak-man. 29 00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,331 Wokka, Wokka, wokka! 30 00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:24,294 - ...and then Agent Mgumbe... - You going to this lame ISIS picnic? 31 00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,963 Loose cannons! - ...the ISIS palette has become... 32 00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:28,673 ...decidedly monochromatic. 33 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,843 I'm one sixty-fourth Cherokee. - Shut up! 34 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,136 So stupid. - What? 35 00:01:33,303 --> 00:01:36,973 A, no, you're probably not. - And B through Z, nobody gives a shit. 36 00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,182 Racist! - What? 37 00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,809 You're anti-Native American. 38 00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:42,937 Jeez! - Come on. 39 00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,188 Item eight. 40 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,982 We need a diversity hire. 41 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,693 I vote Asian chick. - And after an exhaustive search... 42 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,820 ...I found the perfect candidate. 43 00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:54,365 So join me in welcoming our new ISIS agent... 44 00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:57,035 Stern. Conway Stern. 45 00:01:57,201 --> 00:02:00,163 He's a diversity double-whammy. 46 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,113 So that was the firing range... 47 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,865 ...and the cafeteria, and... 48 00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:39,577 Do you keep kosher? - Well, I do have a weakness for prawns. 49 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:43,456 Me too! I'll have them make paella tomorrow. 50 00:02:43,623 --> 00:02:46,626 Okay, that's the mainframe, and these are all just... 51 00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:48,670 ...drones. - Hey, come on! 52 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,756 Malory, these are the unsung heroes of ISIS. 53 00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:54,217 Where'd we be without my man Cyril in accounting? 54 00:02:54,384 --> 00:02:56,094 Hey, thanks, bro. 55 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,180 You got it, buddy. Or the lovely Pam in Human Resources. 56 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,765 Yeah, I am kind of lovely. 57 00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:04,477 And last but not least... I'm sorry, I don't know your name. 58 00:03:04,644 --> 00:03:07,271 Me neither. - See? They don't know anything. 59 00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:10,733 - Now, over here is a big corner office. - I see it's currently empty. 60 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,777 Like my "vagine." 61 00:03:12,944 --> 00:03:16,364 Yeah, but unlike your dusty "vagine," it's not going to stay empty. 62 00:03:16,531 --> 00:03:19,033 Wait, you don't think you're getting the office. 63 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,452 Well, I am the Human Resources director. 64 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:25,873 Pam, come on, let's face it. Your entire job could be done by a... 65 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,543 A bulletin board. - You heard Conway. I'm essential! 66 00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:32,797 How? I can go online and get a list of every federal holiday for the next... 67 00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:35,967 Wow, ten thousand years. - Wait, really? Ten thousand? 68 00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:39,303 Hmm? Oh. No, this isn't even on. 69 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,557 - I'm gonna get that office! - I'm getting it, Pam! 70 00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:46,144 Oh, my God, I am surrounded by idiots. 71 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,980 And this is the locker room. 72 00:03:49,147 --> 00:03:51,274 Yeah, the, uh, lockers were a tip-off. 73 00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:55,361 Well, I'll leave you to it. But if you need anything... 74 00:03:55,528 --> 00:03:57,655 ...you know how to whistle, don't you, Conway? 75 00:03:57,822 --> 00:04:03,119 Yup, lips together, blow. Got it. - Oh. Ha, ha. You are just a little treasure. 76 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,622 Jesus, Conway. 77 00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:11,294 What have you got yourself into, man? - You better pray it wasn't my mother. 78 00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:14,088 I'm fairly confident you misread that whole situation. 79 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:18,009 Oh, yeah? - I'm real confident you misread this one. 80 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,180 - Uh, how about this one? - This one, uh... 81 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:26,017 ...actually seems kind of gay. - Maybe because our penises are touching. 82 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:29,854 Yeah, so, let's go on... 83 00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:31,522 Three! 84 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:36,194 What? You, uh, see something you like? - Wha...? No, you queer! 85 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,029 Oh, I'm queer? From the guy... 86 00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:40,239 ...whose tiny gun came with a matching purse? 87 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:42,492 Hey, it's got plenty of stopping power. 88 00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,285 What? That little...? 89 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,537 Goddamn it, Archer! Again! - Oh, shit. 90 00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:49,248 See that? He was putting on his pants and I stopped him. 91 00:04:49,415 --> 00:04:52,585 So you just watch your step, mister, uh... 92 00:04:52,752 --> 00:04:54,587 Damn it. - There, should have gone with: 93 00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:57,298 - "Sammy Gay-vis Junior." - Damn it! 94 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,675 Come on. She doesn't need a corner office... 95 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:03,262 ...just to Xerox the ISIS newsletter. - Color Xerox. 96 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,723 And what, you need more room to chop vegetables? 97 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:09,018 All right! Obviously, I need to make a decision. 98 00:05:09,185 --> 00:05:11,270 But which shall it...? Oh! 99 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,397 Or I could just give Conway both! 100 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:16,025 You what? - I already took care of those. 101 00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:18,194 Frodo and Salsa were my operations. 102 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:21,739 At ease, Career Admiral, Malory was getting impatient on Salsa. 103 00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:24,700 Salsa was a highly complex operation. - Two phone calls. 104 00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,411 - And as for Frodo... - Wha...? 105 00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:30,206 Well, some pun involving hobbits. 106 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:34,252 Like, I bet he wishes he was wearing Bilbo's coat of Dwarven mithril. 107 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,087 Gonna take your word on that. - Yeah? 108 00:05:36,254 --> 00:05:38,589 Well, take my word on this. 109 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,591 I am the top agent around here. 110 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,052 So watch it! - So, see, in Middle-earth... 111 00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:45,221 Shh. Shh, Shh, shh. 112 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:46,430 Come on, buddy. 113 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:48,766 You're kidding. - No, I'm dead serious. 114 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,768 I wanna file a complaint against Conway. 115 00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,855 On what grounds? - He touched my penis with his penis. 116 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,314 Wow. - Yeah. 117 00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:58,025 "Byoop!" 118 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,820 Where? - All of it. Head and shaft. 119 00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:03,197 And... Oh, you mean where in the building. - No. 120 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,868 That shouldn't matter, Pam. - I got this other complaint from Brett... 121 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,619 ...who said you shot him again. - Uh... 122 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,204 ...here's the thing about Brett. 123 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:15,334 Oh, shit! Those were the newsletters! 124 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:18,462 Cyril, I need a little favor. 125 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,464 Okay, Carin... Oh. 126 00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,466 - Now it's Cristal? - Cristal. 127 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:26,368 You know? Like the champagne. It's what hot black guys drink. 128 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:29,807 Uh, you sure about that? - And I want Conway to drink me... 129 00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:33,644 ...so I need you to hook a sister up. - Well, I will certainly try. 130 00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,813 Don't try, do. And here, use this. 131 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:39,817 Wow, what is this? 132 00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:44,071 Tell Conway that his Secret Santa wants to come early. 133 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,409 Or, you know, whoever brings Jewish people their Christmas presents. 134 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,025 - What are you doing? - Uh, none of your businessing. 135 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,999 What kind of spy agency scrimps on a freaking shredder? 136 00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:58,169 Apparently the kind that scrimps on background checks. 137 00:06:58,336 --> 00:07:00,129 Who is this guy? - I don't know. 138 00:07:00,296 --> 00:07:03,299 But I got a bad feeling about Mother's little "Project Conway." 139 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:05,343 So I must be having a stroke... 140 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:08,346 ...because we actually agree on something. - Wait, really? 141 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,598 Totally. I mean, he shows up out of nowhere... 142 00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:13,017 ...and starts trying to get all up in everything? 143 00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:15,019 I mean, Salsa, Frodo. 144 00:07:15,186 --> 00:07:17,772 Possibly Mother. - And what do we even know about him? 145 00:07:17,939 --> 00:07:20,942 Only that he's not circumcised. - Okay. 146 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,487 Glossing over how you know that... - We touched penises. 147 00:07:24,654 --> 00:07:25,947 No! Glossing. 148 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,158 But a non-circumcised Jewish guy, that's not weird to you? 149 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:31,619 No, why would...? I mean, I'm not Jewish... 150 00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:34,872 ...and I'm circumcised. So it can... - It doesn't work like that. 151 00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:37,792 Lana, come on. I think we both know it works fine. 152 00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:40,670 Oh, come on. Not your dick, dumbass. 153 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,172 Oh, my God! This is about you and me, right? 154 00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:46,884 Oh, my God! Get over yourself! - Hey, I am over me. 155 00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:48,678 But apparently you're not. 156 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:55,476 What the hell smells like shrimp? - Just my sensual womanhood. 157 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,228 Oh, wait. Ew. 158 00:07:57,395 --> 00:07:59,355 I bet your womanhood smells divine. 159 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:03,025 Conway! - Now, whom can I thank for these shrimps? 160 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:07,238 Me, your secret Jew Santa. 161 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:13,244 Conway! That was amazing. 162 00:08:13,411 --> 00:08:15,621 Yes, so, uh... 163 00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:16,831 ...okay. 164 00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:20,042 Oh, my God, I hope I'm pregnant. - What are you talking about? 165 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,421 The system bounced your sexual harassment complaint against Conway. 166 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:26,424 Well, unbounce it back. - Who am I, Tron? 167 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,342 Talk to your mother, she bounced it. 168 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,844 Why? - Hey. Whoa. 169 00:08:30,011 --> 00:08:32,430 Why would she do that? - Don't go starting rumors... 170 00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,436 ...about Conway boning your mother. - Oh, my... 171 00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,938 You get any of that in the trash can? - No. 172 00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:42,940 I, uh, missed it on purpose. 173 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:46,610 Hey, Malory, uh, you got a second? - I sincerely doubt it. 174 00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:50,406 It's about Conway. - Then yes, I have entire minutes. 175 00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:52,408 Isn't he just a dream come true? 176 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:56,287 Well, that's the thing. How did you actually find Conway? 177 00:08:56,454 --> 00:08:58,706 Well, he just sort of appeared. 178 00:08:58,873 --> 00:09:01,751 Uh, yes, okay. - Like a foundling, carved out of onyx. 179 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:05,796 Yes, but from where? I mean, if you didn't do a background check... 180 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,883 Are you an idiot? Or do you just think I am? 181 00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:12,178 He totally checked out. - Okay, so do you mind if I take a little...? 182 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:16,432 Lana Kane! Just because now you're not the only black agent... 183 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:20,311 Hey, that is not... - Urban. Whatever. 184 00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:24,732 You come in here and accuse Conway of what, exactly? 185 00:09:24,899 --> 00:09:28,235 Okay, fine, I can't prove anything right now. 186 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:32,198 But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King... 187 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,742 ...now, did it? - What does that have to do...? 188 00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,494 Wait, J. Edna? 189 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:40,498 You never heard that? How Hoover was this huge, cross-dressing chicken hawk? 190 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:44,001 I had not. - That's exactly the kind of slanderous... 191 00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:47,922 ...and unsubstantiated rumor I will not tolerate at ISIS. 192 00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:51,175 Think about that while on suspension. - While I'm on what? 193 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:53,344 What are you, deaf and racist? - Wha...? 194 00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:56,764 I'm black. - Oh, put it back in the deck. 195 00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:59,975 Hey, how is my lovely lady. - Suspended. 196 00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,019 What? - Malory suspended me. 197 00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:05,523 Just because I had the nerve to ask questions about her little... 198 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,692 ...homeboy McJewerson. - Whoa, Lana, honey. 199 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,028 What? - Even though it's perfectly natural... 200 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,696 ...for you to be jealous of Conway... 201 00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:19,161 - Then she cold-cocked you, huh? - Yeah, with that big Flintstoney fist of hers. 202 00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:22,665 Seriously, "Homeboy McJewerson"? - Oh, come on, I've heard worse than that. 203 00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:24,542 Yeah, but it doesn't even make sense. 204 00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:28,170 I mean, maybe if you were Scottish or... - Hey, man, racism, anti-Semitism. 205 00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:31,715 You can't go looking for logic in it. Here, this'll help the swelling. 206 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,218 Oh, thank you. Ha, ha. Where'd you get the steak? 207 00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:38,264 Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood. 208 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:42,560 Yeah, she's kind of weird that way. - She's kind of weird a bunch of ways. 209 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,229 What you doing, Birdbones? 210 00:10:45,396 --> 00:10:48,649 Looking for a pregnancy test online. - But there's a drugstore half a... 211 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:51,986 Oh. You mean that you take online. 212 00:10:52,153 --> 00:10:55,364 Yeah I want to know like, now. - Well, thank God for them Internets. 213 00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,868 Okay, what is this lame meeting about? - No idea, I'm busy and go away. 214 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,412 Excuse me? - Oh, my God, why are you still here? 215 00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:04,832 Mother called me for a meeting. - But I thought you called a meeting. 216 00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:09,003 Oh, and by the way, you don't call a meeting, only I call a meeting. 217 00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:12,590 - I called the meeting. - Which I love. That you did that. 218 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,466 I know it's not standard procedure... 219 00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:18,345 ...but we've got a problem. - A problem or a blessing? 220 00:11:20,139 --> 00:11:21,182 A problem. 221 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,727 It's a silent submarine propulsion system, called the Whisper Drive. 222 00:11:24,894 --> 00:11:27,271 Oh, sounds sexy. - Would you stop it. 223 00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:28,772 Folks, please. - Embarrassing. 224 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,150 You are embarrassing. - Jesus. 225 00:11:31,317 --> 00:11:35,279 This is Wilhelm Schmeck, inventor of the Whisper Drive. 226 00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:38,449 Schmeck went missing along with the plans for the Whisper Drive. 227 00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:41,619 I tracked him to South Beach. He's arranged to sell the plans... 228 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,455 ...to Cuban Naval Intelligence. If that happens... 229 00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:49,293 ...undetectable Cuban missile subs could be parked right off Miami Beach. 230 00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:52,630 Ugh. Just what Miami needs. More Cubans. 231 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:56,550 And all we need is a stand-in who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact... 232 00:11:56,717 --> 00:12:00,137 Wha...? What? That looks nothing like me. 233 00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:02,556 Well, he's just a lot more handsome. - Whatever. 234 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,975 Zip it! Conway, dear? 235 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,019 The plan? - Using Archer as bait... 236 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:11,315 ...we slip in just ahead of the real Cubans, capture Schmeck, and recover the plans. 237 00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:14,068 If we could run this thing through your condo, that... 238 00:12:14,235 --> 00:12:16,820 You have a South Beach condo? - I, uh... 239 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:18,739 Oh, hey, how's the, uh, lemon tree doing? 240 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,575 Raúl says it already has tiny lemons. 241 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:23,744 That was a wonderful thank-you gift. 242 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,372 Well, it was a wonderful weekend. - It was, wasn't it'? 243 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,999 You were there, in the condo, together? 244 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,793 - Yeah, last weekend. - Oh, my God. 245 00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:36,423 Oh, for... See? That's what happens when you drink all day and skip lunch. 246 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,176 Oh, we were supposed to have paella. 247 00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,266 Archer, come on, man, let's go. 248 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,102 You go! Get on the plane, buckle in, sit there... 249 00:12:48,269 --> 00:12:50,854 ...and think about how you're not the boss of me. 250 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,274 Hey, babe. Got any extra puke bags? 251 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,526 Why? You taking a moral inventory? 252 00:12:55,693 --> 00:12:58,612 Jesus, God, what are you doing here? 253 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,698 I'm trying to save... - Our relationship? 254 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:05,369 Lana, maybe when I get back, we can work out some kind of bang-buddy deal, but... 255 00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:06,870 Ow! 256 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:11,667 I want you to listen to me. - Well then unperforate my eardrum. 257 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,210 Un... 258 00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,004 ...head up your ass! 259 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,047 I think Conway is totally up to something. 260 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:20,884 Duh! You think I'm an idiot? I know he wants to marry Mother... 261 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,886 ...and cut me out of the will. - Ugh. Archer. 262 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:26,640 Which is why I'm going to kill him. - Oh. Okay, well, whatever the reason. 263 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,435 It's not because of the whole black stepfather thing. 264 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,645 You know me better than that. - Yeah, I do. 265 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,982 So try not to do anything stupid, okay? Conway could be dangerous. 266 00:13:35,149 --> 00:13:36,650 Yeah. You know what's dangerous? 267 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,277 Your obsession with me. - Just... 268 00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:41,164 Seriously Lana, call Kenny Loggins because you're in the Danger Zone. 269 00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:45,075 From Top Gun. - Just be careful. 270 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,162 No. 271 00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:53,751 God, this is so classic Mother. 272 00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:55,757 Yeah, it's pretty tastefully done, huh? 273 00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,005 No, you ass. The selfishness. 274 00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,174 She never shares anything with anybody. 275 00:14:00,341 --> 00:14:02,176 You're keeping that office for you? 276 00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:05,471 I need it to escape the glare from those windows across the street. 277 00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,681 From the...? There's no glare. 278 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:12,102 Well, not now. But mid-April? Every morning. For almost 20 minutes. 279 00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:15,230 So you're gonna keep that huge corner office empty the other... 280 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:19,193 Ninety-gazillion percent of the time. - Just because the glare is annoying? 281 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,237 Well, semi-annoying. 282 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:25,282 Okay, you're meeting Schmeck at that cafe across the street. 283 00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:29,286 And, uh, why do you have that? Exactly? - You never know what's gonna happen. 284 00:14:29,453 --> 00:14:33,457 Yeah, two people all alone together, down here in South Beach. 285 00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:36,001 - I'd rather have it and not need it... - Uh-huh. 286 00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:38,712 - ...than need it and not have it. - Ah. Uh-huh. 287 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:41,465 Kind of like a condom. Which happened last weekend. 288 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:44,635 Oh, my...! Ugh! - Damn, man, I was kidding! 289 00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:47,221 Look, if you're too nervous... - I'm fine, all right? 290 00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:49,973 Just let me rinse off my mustache. 291 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,810 You are more handsome in your photos. 292 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,229 Oh, yeah, talk to me about handsome. 293 00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:57,606 And you have no trace of Cuban accent. 294 00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,566 Yeah, it's called tradecraft, genius. 295 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,319 I blend. - Just shut up and get the plans. 296 00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,446 You shut up and get the plans. - What? 297 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:07,449 I mean, give me those plans now. Give me those plans. 298 00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:10,577 You may have them once I confirm the balance in my Swiss account. 299 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,496 Tell him not to bother. - What? 300 00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:14,423 Wait, what are we doing? 301 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:19,169 Conway! What the shit, man? - What? Schmeck was a traitor. 302 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,297 Yeah, now he's all over my 400 dollar custom shirt. 303 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:25,634 I'll buy you a new one. Now grab the plans before it's too late. 304 00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:30,347 It's already too late. - Ha, ha! Yes it is, now hand over... 305 00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:33,267 Because it's already soaked into the fibers, dumbass. 306 00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:35,185 This is linen! 307 00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:39,857 And that is a Cuban hit squad. 308 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,859 And you might want to duck. 309 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,532 Oh, my God. Conway! 310 00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,702 That was amazing! - Yeah, well, you know. 311 00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:54,163 No, seriously, that was like... 312 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,957 That was like, uh... - A Charles Whitman Sampler? 313 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,793 Damn it, yes. Seriously, thanks. 314 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,171 Oh, don't thank me yet. 315 00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,381 What, Conway? No! 316 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,552 Now you can thank me. - Oh, my God. 317 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,220 You saved my life twice. 318 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:11,722 You'd have done the same for me. 319 00:16:11,889 --> 00:16:13,056 No, I wouldn't have. - Ha, ha. 320 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,392 I was actually kind of planning to kill you. 321 00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:18,562 Wait, what? - I know, now I'm totally embarrassed. 322 00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:21,106 Hey, you know what? Water under the bridge, dude. 323 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:24,401 Come over here, let's man-hug it. - All right. Okay. Um... 324 00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,905 I mean, after all we are going to be family. Once I marry your Mom. 325 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:32,201 What? - I'm kidding. God, relax, man. 326 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,787 Because for a second there, I was like... I mean, not in a racist way, but... 327 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:38,707 Conway? - Yeah, buddy. 328 00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:42,419 Uh, are there more bad guys behind me? - Nope. 329 00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,379 You dick. 330 00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:49,092 You dumbass. I set this whole thing up. 331 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:51,637 I just needed a stand-in for those broke-ass Cubans. 332 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:54,181 Yeah, I get it. - I mean, come on! 333 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:57,100 The Chinese'll pay five times as much for the Whisper Drive. 334 00:16:57,267 --> 00:17:01,522 And once they do? Let's just say you better learn to use some chopsticks, buddy. 335 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,441 Conway, wait. Just answer me one question. 336 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,527 Yeah, make it quick. My ride is here. 337 00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:12,533 And your lungs are filling up with blood. - Did you have sex with my mother? 338 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,202 Wait, what? That is your only question? 339 00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:18,413 Not who am I, not how did I infiltrate ISIS... 340 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:22,209 ...or who the hell is flying the helicopter? - Just answer the question! 341 00:17:22,376 --> 00:17:25,712 No, Archer, I didn't have sex with your mom. 342 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,048 Oh, thank God. - Oh, and that? 343 00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,884 That would have been a tough image to get out of my head. 344 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,928 That, right there? That kind of racism... 345 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:37,099 ...is exactly why I can't wait to see tiny little Chinese boots... 346 00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:39,977 ...on your white-ass necks. 347 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:43,897 Which may sound hypocritical, I know, but... 348 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,816 Would you go? 349 00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:49,361 Aah! What the...? - Sorry, Conway. 350 00:17:49,528 --> 00:17:52,030 Oh, wait, shit, I had something for this. - Aah. 351 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:55,450 Is it something like, uh, "You don't get off the hook that easy"? 352 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,661 Damn it. - Yeah, he's good at those. 353 00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,414 Well, crawl on over there and blow him. - Hey, come on. 354 00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:05,085 Now, drop the case, Conway! - It's cuffed on, woman. 355 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:08,505 Aah! And how the hell are your hands that freaking strong...? 356 00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,800 Ew. 357 00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:15,178 You haven't seen the last of Conway Stern! 358 00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:18,348 Which is not my real name! 359 00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,560 - Uh, so let me guess. - Yeah. 360 00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:25,022 Whoever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our worldwide database. 361 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:28,025 Yeah. Which you probably found while researching me. 362 00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,403 Lana, because you're in the, uh... 363 00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:33,864 ...Danger Zone. 364 00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:36,283 And those were his last words. 365 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,827 Right before he bled to death on the rug. 366 00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:43,540 Which rug? Oh, good. I thought you meant in the bedroom. 367 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:47,419 No, that one is just jute. Exactly. 368 00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:51,256 Guests come in from the beach, they're all sandy or whatever, and... 369 00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:55,552 Suspension? Lana, dear, you are getting a bonus. My God! 370 00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:59,598 You foiled that perfidious Conway, saved Sterling's... 371 00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:01,975 All right, just pull the knife out. 372 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,188 And then slap Saran Wrap on the hole. 373 00:19:06,355 --> 00:19:08,565 Oh! But leave me enough to make guacamole. 374 00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:13,904 No, you squeeze lemon juice over it, then smush the Saran Wrap right down on top. 375 00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:17,949 That way it doesn't go brown. Oh, let the paramedics do that. 376 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:21,662 You just have fun, dear. Mm-hm. Bye. 377 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:26,500 Oh, damn. Now I bet she's going to squeeze up all my brand-new lemons. 378 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:29,419 And I'll have nothing left to remind me of Conway. 379 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:33,090 Except his little mocha love child. - His what? 380 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,092 - Yeah. - You had sex with Conway? 381 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,386 Yeah, and he totally impregnated me. 382 00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:40,847 Wait, he was only here two days. 383 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:43,725 How is that pregnancy test showing positive? 384 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:47,771 Oh, this is just a detergent pen. I just put a little blue sticker on it. 32461

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